The Diplomatic Pouch

Broadcasts for Fall of 1901 in goofy

Movement

Broadcast from Master:

    Tah-dah!
    
    We have the first move completed. Now it's time to vote on goofiness.
    
    Remember, everyone of you has 7 goofiness points to spend, with a max.
    of 3 per player. Assignments to yourself are not allowed. If you spend
    more or less than 7 points, or if you assign some to yourself, or if
    you assign more to a single player than currently allowed (at the moment
    the max. is 3), then your voting will not be considered and you will be
    considered as not having voted. The voting deadline is the same as the
    deadline for the next *move*; no grace.
    
    Non-voting will be handled as following:
    
    Non-voting by still active players:
    The (7) goofiness points are assigned in the same way as the GM did, except
    for those assigned to the non-voting player. If the GM assigned points 
    to the non-voting player, as many points are *subtracted* from his score.
    (This results in non-voting players being unable to gain points from the
    GM).
    
    Non-voting by eliminated players:
    The (3) goofiness points go to those powers who got the most non-NVR-points
    that season (with ties broken by GM preference :-).
    After two consecutive NVRs by an eliminated player, the 3 points are 
    subtracted from his score instead for the rest of the game.
    
    
    Each winter each active player gets 1.5 points per owned SC.
    
    Robert
    
    P.S.: If you think something else needs discussion, just tell me so.
    
    

Broadcast from Italy:

    Well, I'm unclear on if I'm to send out my goofiness points vote in public
    or only in private. This time, at least, I'm going public with my reasons
    why:
    
    Turkey:  0 votes.  Looks like an ordinary attack on Russia. Bzzzt!
    Austria: 1 votes.  Southern move as per normal. VIE->TYR a bit strange, but
                      not much.
    Russia:  1 votes.  Only 'strange' move is Warsaw's and this could be a clever
    					  naval convoy in the wings. 
    Germany: 1 votes.  Again, not overly strange. Taking Denmark as normal. The
    					  move to TYR is interesting.
    England: 2 votes.  The cross moves of Lvp & Lon are good.
    France:	 2 votes.  What! Mar->Pie. The cad! And not going after Por/Spa!
    
    
    -- MajorDomo
    

Broadcast from Master:

    > Broadcast message from Italy in goofy:
    > 
    > Well, I'm unclear on if I'm to send out my goofiness points vote in public
    > or only in private. 
    
    Actually, you can do it either way. You can even send me votes 
    different from those that you post and I will take whatever has the
    later date (be careful with judges being down thus delaying your public
    vote!). However only votes received *before* the next move is evaluated
    are considered.
    
    I will publish my vote when the following move has been processed, maybe
    with some comment so you know how to please my sense of goofiness :-).
    As to votes from players, only the accumulated results of the whole year
    (= 2 seasons) from all players+GM will be published.
    
    Robert
    

Broadcast from France:

    I also will make goofiness comments public:
    
      Goofiness level generally OK, with a bright spot in France (to whom I
    cannot assign points, unfortunately) and another in England, who gets
    praise for his southern do-si-do.  Russia is probably next, with her
    northern agglomeration; then Austria and Germany, with Turkey and
    particularly Italy (sorry) looking like normal uninspired openings.
    Point values:
      England 3
      Russia 2
      Austria 1
      Germany 1
      Turkey 0
      Italy 0
    

Broadcast from Italy:

    > particularly Italy (sorry) looking like normal uninspired openings.
    
    Hey! I'm attacking France right off. Isn't that a bit unusual? 
    
    -- MajorDomo
    
    

Broadcast from France:

     > Broadcast message from Italy in goofy:
     > 
     > > particularly Italy (sorry) looking like normal uninspired openings.
     > 
     > Hey! I'm attacking France right off. Isn't that a bit unusual? 
     > 
     > -- MajorDomo
    
    Not if you're not attacking Germany or Austria, to me.  Whether it's the
    smartest thing to do may be debatable, but a legitimate French opening is
    her two northern units toward Germany and then Mar-Spa, making a big hole for
    Italy.	Italy's survival rate is higher as a quiet power in the beginning,
    but your move isn't "goofy".  IMHO.	 A "goofy" move might have been to move
    an army farther south on your peninsula, for example Ven-Apu.  _That_ would
    have gotten you big points.
    
    I regretted doing that, after you were generous with me, but I gotta be
    honest, right?	Or can we start a point-trade?	You give me all your points,
    and I'll give you all mine, and we'll split the game?  Oh, Game Master...?
    
    Me
    

Broadcast from Master:

    > I regretted doing that, after you were generous with me, but I gotta be
    > honest, right?  Or can we start a point-trade?  You give me all your points,
    > and I'll give you all mine, and we'll split the game?	 Oh, Game Master...?
    
    Well, that would be meta-goofy on a higher level. Let's remain goofy on
    the plain press & move level, ok?
    
    Robert
    

Broadcast from France:

     > 
     > Well, that would be meta-goofy on a higher level. Let's remain goofy on
     > the plain press & move level, ok?
     > 
    
    To clarify -- we are _not_ supposed to assign goofiness points based on
    press, according to earlier rules.	You are just asking to retain goofy
    press for its own sake.	 Correct?
    
    Which leads me to:	suppose a move is goofier taken in context with relevant
    press.	Should we consider a higher award for that or is press to be 
    completely ignored in points, which is currently the letter of the law?
    

Broadcast from Master:

    > To clarify -- we are _not_ supposed to assign goofiness points based on
    > press, according to earlier rules.  You are just asking to retain goofy
    > press for its own sake.  Correct?
    > 
    > Which leads me to:  suppose a move is goofier taken in context with relevant
    > press.  Should we consider a higher award for that or is press to be 
    > completely ignored in points, which is currently the letter of the law?
    
    Hmm. I don't remember saying that press should not be considered when
    assigning points. However I (think I) did say that I value goofy moves
    higher than goofy press. But remember the relevant paragraph of the rules
    (wow, I like that; sounds so -professional-):
    
    
    :IV. What is Goofiness?
    :
    :   (1) Definition of Goofiness
    :Goofiness is hard (or impossible) to define. Yet most players seem to
    :know what kind of play is goofy and what is not. Goofiness ranking is
    :completely up to the player assigning the points and can not be
    :questioned by anybody else (of course it can be commented upon! :-)
    :
    :   (2) Things that should be avoided
    :The following things may seem goofy to people but are not intended in
    :this variant and should not be rewarded with goofiness points:
    :(a) Cross-gaming or Out-of-Game activities:
    :    Goofiness should remain within this game and not be transferred
    :    outside. Cross-gaming for example is *not* considered positively 
    :    goofy in this variant!
    :(b) Breaking the deadlines:
    :    Becoming late or going CD is just unfriendly to the other players.
    
    
    Thus, it's up to you how you weigh press vs. moves. And of course I can
    easily imagine that moves may look much goofier in the context of recent
    press and I won't hesitate to reward such a combination. Also, silent
    goofiness may be less rewarded than goofy moves accompanied by (even
    unrelated) goofy press.
    
    Just my 2 Pfennig, YMMV.
    Robert, goofy GM
    

Broadcast from Italy:

    So France thinks an early attack by Italy on France is a rational move. Perhaps.
    All I know is that in the games I've played where I'm Italy I'm always more
    worried about Austria/Turkey than France. I'll have to give France's idea
    a try in my next game. I'll let you'all know how it turns out :-)
    
    In the meantime, my next, hopefully more goofy move is in. For one thing, 
    unlike the rest of you bozos (or am I the bozo?), I'm not going to take any 
    build centers. Try to top that!
    
    -- MajorDomo
    

Broadcast from France:

     > Broadcast message from Italy in goofy:
     > 
     > So France thinks an early attack by Italy on France is a rational move. Perhaps.
     > All I know is that in the games I've played where I'm Italy I'm always more
     > worried about Austria/Turkey than France. I'll have to give France's idea
     > a try in my next game. I'll let you'all know how it turns out :-)
    
    Depends on who your friends are, that's all.    Maybe you've seen an Austria
    vs. Turkey situation heating up, and made nonaggression with Austria.
    Jumping after Germany wouldn't be that smart, but France is doable,
    with the right breaks.  I've seen it done with convoys.  Italy had Marseilles
    and the Iberian while France took half of Germany -- France was trashed
    between the two, maxed at 4 or 5, and Austria stabbed Italy.  I think
    Austria won, but I'm not sure.  (We didn't go in for draws much where I
    used to play. :)
    
     > In the meantime, my next, hopefully more goofy move is in. For one thing, 
     > unlike the rest of you bozos (or am I the bozo?), I'm not going to take any 
     > build centers. Try to top that!
    
    Thought about that.  Don't know if I can actually make myself do it.
    If _you_ can, though, it's big points! :)
    
    Me
    

Broadcast from Austria:

    Votes:
    England 2
    France 3
    Italy 0
    Russia 2
    Turkey 0
    
    England: The move to Wales was good, but the move to North Sea was
    less than optimal, esp. considering A Yor can be convoyed.
    
    France: Attack everyone!  Very good!
    
    Germany:"Not as creative as I had hoped.  I vaguely announced my
    intention to move to Tyrolia.  Sorry we bounced.  I had intended to
    move Vie - Tyr - Pie, but now I'll have to rethink things.
    
    Italy:	While an opening attack against France may not be the usual
    Italian strategy, I'm not convinced it's even such a bad idea, much
    less a goofy idea.	Of course, implementation is a entirely different
    matter, altogether.
    
    Russia: King of Scandanavia!  Good solid opening - the move to Black
    Sea can be forgiven.
    
    Turkey:	 I don't think we're all on the same page here.	 
    
    	Should anybody assign goofy points other than for goofiness, I
    will publicly taunt you.  :)
    	Italy: your stated intention not to collect SC's meets with
    Austrian approval, esp. if this includes Trieste.  I want to build
    fleets - lots of 'em.
    	Germany: Rather than bounce Tyrolia again, I will leave my
    army in Vienna under your command (presuming you don't order a move to
    Trieste).  Let me know your intentions for this force.
                F.F.
    

Anonymous Broadcast:

    Kaiser Silly-Helm,
    I have proxied the Army in Vienna to you.  Please give it
    something interesting to do.  Should you do so, I will likely continue
    proxying.  
                    Freddie
    

Broadcast from Observer:

    Oh, how I wish I could have gotten into this game- more, I wish I could vote 
    on your goofiness.  I can't, of course, but if I could I would grant all my 
    votes in perpetuity to any nation or nations that could convoy an army 
    st.pete->barents->norwegian->north sea->english channel->irish sea->north 
    atlantic->mid atlantic->wetern med->gulf of 
    lyon->tyhrrenian->ionian->aegean->eastern med->syria.  Oh, how such a move 
    would make my heart quiver!
    
    I have thrown down the goofy gauntlet:	who shall pick it up?
    
     -Goofy Observer Guy (GOG)
    

Broadcast from Germany:

    press to ia
    
    >Broadcast message in goofy:
    >
    >Kaiser Silly-Helm,
    >>I have proxied the Army in Vienna to you.	 Please give it
    >something interesting to do.  Should you do so, I will likely continue
    >proxying.	
    >>>>>>Freddie
    
    MajorDomo and Freddie... it has come to my attention that I am not the only
    world leader who finds the fair state of Tyrolia to be an interesting place.
    I suGGest that we commence (and maintain for all perpetuity) the Tyrolian
    PuddinG (much tastier than Yorkshire, I'm told), namely:  Mun - Tyr, Vie - Tyr,
    Pie - Tyr.
    
    
    Sincerely,
    

Broadcast from Germany:

    My impression of the goofiness content of last season's moves:
    
    Italy - *snore*	 Sorry, but in my FTF group, Italy practically *always*
    	attacks France first:  0 gp
    
    Turkey - *yawn*	 What's so interesting about attacking Russia?  I trust
    that you have a plan for something interesting a bit later (see
    comment below), but for now:  0 gp
    
    Austria - Pretty much a vanilla opening, although Tyrolia *was* interesting.
    Tyrolia was interesting to me, too, and I highly resent our conflict
    of interests!  *grin*  Anyways, Freddy, you have promise:  1 gp
    
    England - The Scisors Kick play in S. England was cute... GOOFY will be next
    turn, when you move Wal - Iri and Yor - Nth - Nwy.  I look forward to
    seeing what you do next turn:  1 gp
    
    France - Sorry, but as I said to the MajorDomo, an IF war isn't all that rare
    	in my gaming group... and Mar-Pie is a common pre-emptive.	But all
    	the same, it took guts to do that *and* move against England at the
    	same time:	2 gp
    
    Russia - Nothing particularly extraordinary about any of your opening moves...
    	EXCEPT for the fact that you opened with the Norwegian Blitz AND that
    	perpetual thorn in Turkey's side, Sev - Bla.  I take my hat off to you,
    Mein Uncommunicative Nonexistant Sen~or Sub-Comandante of the Brazilian
    Underground ResistancE (Warsaw branch)!  :  3 gp
    
    Master - Absolutely conventional approach to mastering.  No creativity
    whatsoever:  0 gp
    
    Observers - Likewise.  Never seen such an Observant Observer in all my life.
    probably couldn't write a Kibitz or a Catcall if your life depended
    	on it:	0 gp
    
    
    Now, as for those of you who say that Germany has no goofiness....	You have
    no foresight!  There is truly not all that much of an interesting nature that
    I could have done, other than some petty shuffling here and there.	But Now...
    (*grin*)  Remember, I have declared ultimate and irrrestistable war against
    the Master, and I WILL NOT BE STOPPED!	Ah AH HA HA HA!
    
    
    Sincerely,
    
    
    
    

Broadcast from Germany:

    press to o
    
    I apoloGize for my low ratinG of your Observation... I had not yet seen
    your messaGe and challenGe when I sent my votes in.	 I am Glad to see that
    you are a part of this Game, and I am sure that you will do well.  May I
    suGGest that you join me in my struGGle to eliminate the Master early in
    the Game?  I will need allies badly...
    
    
    Sincerely,
    
    
    
    

Broadcast from Turkey:

    ... well, I admit my moves weren't all that goofy, but stuck down here in a
    corner you have to get your pieces out before you can go for the really
    silly moves.
    
    Besides, I have to cut through Russia to effect my previously stated attack
    on England.
    
    My votes:
    
    France     3   (Yes, attacking everybody is something I would like to
                have done myself)
    Germany    2   (You have to be really brave to try something goofy as
                Germany)
    England    1   (I've seen that done before in a real game).
    Russia	   1   (ditto)
    
    :q
    :wq
    :Q!
    :WQ!!!!
    :LET ME OUT
    :oh sh*t, this isn't vi
    
    -T-
    

Broadcast from Observer:

    weel, nu - it seems to moi that goofiness is uquestionably the following:
    
    goofy (gu' fi) - adj: actions taken by a player in a game of Diplomacy (tm)
    that serious, humourless participants find irritating and unworthy of
    a REAL DIPLOMAT (the term REAL DIPLOMAT (c) 1994 Goofy Observer Press)
    
    nu, it happens to be oh so hard for me to judge just what it is that
    serious, humourless participants find irritating, since ah am seldom if
    ever such a being.  However!  the following possbilities come to mind:
    
    - repetetetetive, unreadable, incoherent or poorly speled press (ooh!
      max points to the big G)
    
    - stragety and/or/xor tactics obviously unintended to obtain SCs
    
    - inconsistent interaction with other players
    
    - lateness and other nasties (but I, el non-seriouso himsel', find these
      irritating, too, so they are ipso facto without a doubt and as the
      master hissel' says: NOT GOOFY [round of applause])
    
    And while my inestimable coll-eeg the goofy Guy has suggested a
    move that trancends the highest measure of the goof-o-meter, consider that
    no move is goofy in itself; indeed and forsooth, such a convoy would
    be decidedly non-goofy if one is Russia and is having some difficulty
    taking Armenia.  Of course, the little excursions into NAO and GoL
    still add a smidgen, a smattering, a smackerel (LOOK! Pooh and Goofy
    both have two oo's in a row!  Dum dum dum dum, dum dum dum dum...)
    of goofiness.
    
    Ta ta for now.
    
    Das Goofenmeister.
    
    [I kraine.	Ukraine.  He kraines.  They kraine]
    
    PS: how does everybody feel about forced and excessively long alliteration?
    	If there are plenty of strenuous objections, I shall begin.
    
    	DG
    

Broadcast from Observer:

    I once saw a move in a tournament that could either be extremely goofy or
    extremely inspired, depending on your point of view...	
    It went something like this
    Spring '01
    England
    Lon m Ech
    Lvp M Wal
    France
    Bre m Mao
    Fall '01
    Wal m ech m mao m Naf
    Ech c wal m naf
    France
    Mao c wal m naf
    
    And there you had it... an English army in Naf in Fall '01.  Needless to say,
    the Italian player was considerably less impressed than the rest of us.  
    As a sidenote, England went on to win the game.
    

Broadcast from Observer:

    Oh, how intrigued I have become with the great possibilities of the 
    convoy... in my dreams I see little ships floating by carrying little armies 
    into oblivion...Oh, how it makes my omlette burst!!!!
    *Convoy in a circle- out, through two sea spaces, and back to the original 
    space occupied by the army... completely senseless, and ties up two fleets 
    and and army!
    Bonus points for more sea spaces!!!
    *Convoy to inland provinces!!!  Bonus points for Switzerland!!!
    *Use a convoy to cut a support of an attack that would dislodge a convoy 
    that would cut the support of an attack that would dislodge the original 
    convoy and watch the judge EXPLODE!!!!!!
    
    I quiver with anticipation at the next gOOFY phase,
    
     -gOg   (the world supply of capital gs seems to be low for some reason...)
    

Broadcast from England:

    Well, I was also impressed with the goofiness of the Russian moves, though
    they are dismaying to my English heart! I also liked the press from  Germany
    (I think press *should* be considered). I awarded goofiness points evenly to
    the others, but frankly I only did that much because I HAD to; most orders
    were far too normal, other than France's "chaotic evil" opening. I would've
    voted points to "Freddie" if I had only known who that was!
    
    MajorDomo:
    > unlike the rest of you bozos (or am I the bozo?), I'm not going to
    > take any build centers. Try to top that!
    
    Oh come on. That's too obvious. Do you know the game Finchley Central? Not
    going for dots in 'goofy' is like calling "Finchley Central" in the first
    minute!
    
    Interchange:
    >  > So France thinks an early attack by Italy on France is a rational
    >  > move. Perhaps. All I know is that in the games I've played where
    >  > I'm Italy I'm always more worried about Austria/Turkey than
    >  > France. I'll have to give France's idea a try in my next game.
    >  > I'll let you'all know how it turns out :-)
    > Depends on who your friends are, that's all.  Maybe you've seen an
    > Austria vs. Turkey situation heating up, and made nonaggression with
    > Austria. Jumping after Germany wouldn't be that smart, but France is
    > doable, with the right breaks.
    
    Oh sheesh. Such serious analysis! (whispering : "Hello sports fans, we're
    here on the 12th green of the Goofy Pro-Am and Italy is trying to sink this
    game-tying putt in the *bunker*!" "I think he's going to make it, Bob--his
    fleets are all in the sand and his armies are all in the water hazard!")
    
    --the Silly English K-nnnnn-ighit!
    

Anonymous Broadcast:

    England:
    
      I think Freddie is Austria.
    
    
      Oh, by the way:
    
    
        NNN       NNN  IIIIIIIII   !!!
        NNNNN     NNN     III      !!!
        NNN  NNN  NNN     III      !!!
        NNN    NNNNNN     III
        NNN      NNNN  IIIIIIIII   !!!
    
    
    
          Freddie
    

Broadcast from Austria:

       Broadcast message from England in goofy:
    
       Well, I was also impressed with the goofiness of the Russian moves, though
       they are dismaying to my English heart! I also liked the press from  Germany
       (I think press *should* be considered). I awarded goofiness points evenly to
       the others, but frankly I only did that much because I HAD to; most orders
       were far too normal, other than France's "chaotic evil" opening. I would've
       voted points to "Freddie" if I had only known who that was!
    
    *sigh* I'll have to speak with my editors at the Wiener Schnitzel.
    I'm sure the Archduke was identified as "Freddie" in that paper.  But
    I was also sure that the Tyrolian thing had been mentioned, but
    apparently in terms too obscure for identification.   
    
                        F.F.
    

Anonymous Broadcast:

    I KNOW Freddie is Austria...
                the REAL Freddie
    p.s. MajorDomo - I hope you  don't mind if my fleets move through the
    Ionian.	 
    p.p.s. G-man - I'm sorry, but you're attacking the wrong guy.
    I'll have to throw my weight with the GM.   *nudge, nudge* for a couple
    SC's, that is..
    p.p.p.s. Whoever said "Ni!" I have to warn you, I not only have
    shrubbery galore, but I also have herring stocked up.  
    p^{4}.s. O-Man - Hope you are enjoying the game.  I would proxy a
    force to you, but I don't think the  rules allow it.    Tell you what -
    if the G-man turns out to give dud moves to my V-army, I'll put you in
    charge.
    

Broadcast from Italy:

    > MajorDomo:
    > > unlike the rest of you bozos (or am I the bozo?), I'm not going to
    > > take any build centers. Try to top that!
    > 
    > Oh come on. That's too obvious. Do you know the game Finchley Central? Not
    > going for dots in 'goofy' is like calling "Finchley Central" in the first
    > minute!
    
    No, I don't know the game (obviously I've got to get out more, what with
    many people saying a first turn Italian attack on France is normal and with
    me thinking that it is abnormal), but I think you will be pleased with
    the manner in which I accomplish the no-build center policy. Maybe I'll
    get my first goofy point!
    
    -- MajorDomo
    
    

Broadcast from France:

    Domed Major:
    
    It's very simple.  Finchley Central is a game in which you try to herd all
    the small songbirds in town into the centry square.
    

Broadcast from England:

    > I would grant all my	votes in perpetuity to any nation or nations
    > that could convoy an army st.pete-> barents-> norwegian-> north
    > sea-> english channel-> irish sea-> north atlantic-> mid atlantic->
    > wetern med-> gulf of lyon-> tyhrrenian-> ionian-> aegean-> eastern
    > med-> syria.	Oh, how such a move would make my heart quiver!
    > I have thrown down the goofy gauntlet:  who shall pick it up?
    
    Where have you been, slowpoke? I proposed this in Winter 1900! And Turkey and
    I are both working unearnestly toward this gaol (no typo!).
    
    --The Silly English K-nnnn-ighit!
    

Anonymous Broadcast:

    I'm offering a 2 point bounty for any player that manages to convoy an
    army to Switzerland.
    
    And a 7 point bounty for any player that manages to convoy an army to
    New York.
    
    Gobbleguts.
    

Broadcast from Observer:

    Oh, I offer humble apologies oh silly kniggit:  I regret that I didn't sign 
    on the game until Spring 1901 , and was not present to see you claim 
    ownership of my fine idea.	Since you have seen fit to due so, I have no 
    choice but to declare insane and irrevocable WAR on your piddly country. 
     Prepare to defend yourself!  We will observe you at every step!  In the 
    shower!	 On the toilet!	 At your breakfast kippers!	 You cannot escape our 
    intense observation!  And if anything remotely interesting were going on in 
    the Prime Minister's bed WHICH I DOUBT we'd observe that too!  WE ARE 
    OBSERVING YOU NOW!!!!!!!!  Take your finger out of your nose, you look 
    disgusting.
    
    gOg 
    

Broadcast from England:

    sing on! Egoofy ********
    broads cast in Cats
    Hey GOG! You make me GAG! Your brain must GOGGLE at the intellect playing
    this GIG!
    
    We have nothing to fear from slime like you and happy-go-lucky France... We
    have nothing to fear but cheer itself!
    
    --The Silly English K-nnnn-ighit!
    

Broadcast from Observer:

    What a concept for a Diplomacy game.
    
    Congrats to France for getting some goofy points but would it not
    have been a lock to get 15+ points had he ordered the following:
    
    Spring
    
    a mar s a ven - pie
    a par - pic
    f bre - eng
    
    Fall
    
    a mar - spa
    a pic		(Can't reveal the moves for these two units) 
    f eng       (because technically he could still do them)
    
    I'll disclose the rest of my fall moves for France later.
    
    BTW, Italy will rack up some major goofy points if he does
    what I think he's going to do.
    
    Just a curious, innocent bystander
    
    The Goof Tactician
    
    

Broadcast from Master:

    All moves are in but somebody's (you'll know if it's you because you'll
    get a private mail from me also) moves are marked 
    "Move Submitted, Error Flag".
    
    While I'm not sure I guess that's because the player sent in some (legal)
    moves and later sent in another (illegal) one; and the judge perserved
    the legal one but set the error flag. I suppose the orders will be
    processed when the deadline comes, so I give that player one more day
    to think about his/her moves. Otherwise, I will enforce processing to-
    morrow.
    
    Your friendly GM,
    Robert
    
    P.S.: Germany, I accept your declaration of war. Be prepared to be 
      eliminated by fall 1902.
    
    

Broadcast from Turkey:

    > I guess that's because the player sent in some (legal)
    > moves and later sent in another (illegal) one;
    
    Does that mean I can't move the Nazgul from Syria to Norway?    But
    I though Nazgul had unlimited movement!
    
    -T-
    

Broadcast from Observer:

    Anybody out there willing to position fleets for a convoy from Denmark ->
    Helgoland Bight -> North Sea -> Skagerrak -> Denmark?
    
    

Anonymous Broadcast:

                +------------------+
                |Sorry folks...  if|\
                |I recall correctly| \
                |from the rulebook,|  \
                |you can't		   use the|		 \
    				|same spot twice in|	+
    				|the same maneuver.|	|
    				|Freddie the Boxman|	|
    				+------------------+	|
    				 \					\	|
    				  \					 \	|
    				   \				  \ |
    					\__________________\.
    

Anonymous Broadcast:

    >[I kraine.	 Ukraine.  He kraines.	They kraine]
    
    ooooooo.... what finesse!  Take all my goofy points and give them to
    that Observer!
    
    >PS: how does everybody feel about forced and excessively long alliteration?
    
    
    Ouch No!  I take that back.	 Send him to go fry in some apocalyptic pit. :)
    
    
    
    

Broadcast from Germany:

    Ah, so the Master has finally deigned to respond to my confrontation!
    "Eliminated by fall 1902" indeed... I think you will find that I have
    more allies than you think!	 We shall destroy you and your silly game
    parameters!
    
    You would like to be able to laugh this off, wouldn't you?   You would
    like to feel confident in your "supreme" power as Master.  But you know
    that you are already losing the battle... PROOF!:  One of my allies has
    already flaunted an opposition to your most basic weapon, the DEADLINE!
    Without any silly stubbornness such as refusing to send in orders, my
    ally (who is acting as my anonymous operative and co-equal ally, since
    there are some actions I cannot take because of my high profile in the
    war against you) has managed to strike a pre-emptive blow at your NoNMR
    flag.
    
    To the Powers of Europe and the Powers of Observation:  JOIN US!  We cannot
    fail!  I can tell by the quality of distinctly original Observation that
    has happened in the past days that together we can withstand anything,
    even the dreaded Mr. Kovar!  WE SHALL UNDERCOME!  WE SHALL POSTVAIL!
    
    You who scrawl behind the overlanding haul, who take pieces as you won't
    and overlook the pie withining, who last beyond a buffleshone lass, lass,
    we nevre fretent over su lass WAVING!  WAVING, Yes, and nevre to hophher
    go restlent!  So bosh!, ye prae.  Bothosh.
    
    
    Sincerely,
    
    
    
    
    
    

Adjustments

Broadcast from Turkey:

    The armies march on to their inevitable destination.  Conquest of
    the World, especially that wet cold place up north.
    
    My goofy points for this turn:
    
    G:	2	Probably deserves 3, but failing to give orders to any
    		units at all can get boring after a while.
    A:	2	Greece is a very silly place to put an army.
    E:	1	SPAM SPAM SPAM and SPAM.  You just weren't looking, that's
    		all.
    I:	1	Ah, yes, I see what you're doing now.  It's the double
    		reverse overhead twin cam Lepanto with a half twist and
    		a slice of lemon.  Very cunning.
    R:	1	Sorry, I couldn't decide who to award this point to,
        so you get it.
    F:  0   Nice spring effort.
    
    -T-
    

Broadcast from Observer:

    Just some comments on the latest move results:
    
    > 
    > Movement results for Fall of 1901.  (goofy.002)
    > 
    > Austria: Army Serbia -> Greece.
    > Austria: Army Vienna -> Tyrolia.  (*bounce*)
    > Austria: Fleet Albania -> Ionian Sea.
    >
    
    These moves are certainly out of the ordinary.
    
    > England: Army Yorkshire -> North Sea -> Norway.
    > England: Fleet North Sea CONVOY Army Yorkshire -> Norway.
    > England: Fleet Wales -> Irish Sea.
    >
    
    Other than that fleet in the Irish Sea, nothing is really goofy
    about these moves.  Perhaps Wales -> Liverpool would have 
    impressed me more?
    
    > France: Army Marseilles -> Spain.
    > France: Army Burgundy -> Belgium.
    > France: Fleet English Channel -> London.
    >
    
    These moves are entirely not goofy.  Definitely should have
    ordered the following:
    
    Army Burgundy support Fleet English Channel -> Belgium
    Fleet English Channel support Army Burgundy -> Belgium
    
    Those would have been goofy orders!
    
    > Germany: Army Kiel, No Order Processed.
    > Germany: Army Munich, No Order Processed.
    > Germany: Fleet Denmark, No Order Processed.
    >
    
    As Turkey pointed out, this will get old real quick but I
    suppose somebody had to do it first and let's hope last.
    
    > Italy: Army Tuscany -> Tyrrhenian Sea -> Tunis.  (*no convoy*)
    > Italy: Army Venice -> Tyrolia.  (*bounce*)
    > Italy: Fleet Tyrrhenian Sea -> Western Mediterranean.
    >
    
    I like the intentional missed convoy.  These moves deserve some
    consideration.
    
    > Russia: Army St Petersburg -> Finland.
    > Russia: Army Livonia -> Gulf of Bothnia -> Sweden.
    > Russia: Fleet Sevastopol -> Black Sea.
    > Russia: Fleet Gulf of Bothnia CONVOY Army Livonia -> Sweden.
    >
    
    Once again, entirely not goofy.
    
    > Turkey: Army Bulgaria -> Rumania.
    > Turkey: Army Armenia -> Sevastopol.
    > Turkey: Fleet Ankara SUPPORT Russian Fleet Sevastopol -> Black Sea.
    >
    
    Not a whole lot he could have done after his opening moves.	 I would
    still contend that anything that had Constantinople -> Bulgaria in
    the spring is not goofy.
    
    > 
    > Russia:	 4 Supply centers,	4 Units:  Builds   0 units.	 (* CD *)
    
    Does this mean I can play?
    
    > 
    > 
    
    My points, for what its worth:
    
    Italy	- 3
    Germany - 1
    Turkey	- 1
    England - 1
    Austria - 1
    Russia	- 0
    France	- 0
    
    I think I awarded those points within the rules.
    
    The Goof Tactician
    
    

Broadcast from Austria:

    Goofy votes:
    England 1
    	Sorry, but when you use the North Sea for a convoy, 1 is the
    maximum allowed.  Nice abandonment of London.  
    France 0
    	Three SC's? Too strong.  We mustn't encourage such tactics.
    Germany 3
    	Your anonymous proxies leave me in the dust!  I agree that
    repeated use would be boring, but we've got to give credit where
    credit is due.
    Italy 2
    And here I was thinking you'd just send the boys home again.
    Of course, you may end up bouncing England in the MAO.	
    Russia 1
    	I think you've got a firm grip on Scandanavia now!  Um, the
    Kremlin looks unguarded...
    Turkey 0
    Not very goofy, though the support is acknowledged as
    signaling goofy potential.
    
    Observer: Take over Russia, PUH-LEAZE!
    
    Master: I think Germany has you on the ropes now!
                    F. F.
    

Broadcast from Germany:

    Goofy point allocation from Germany:
    
    France - Are we playinG in the same Game?  Or are you planninG on winninG
    from the SC points?  Wake me up when somethinG unusual happens: 0 Gp.
    
    Russia - See ditto as France.  So you decided to forsake the South for the
    North.  So what?  It looks like somethinG standardisH so far: 0 Gp.
    
    EnGland - Wales -> Irish is somewhat interestinG...:  1 Gp.
    
    Master - Showed some real quirkiness in handlinG my anonymous ally. :) I hate
    to be a bad sport, especially since you will never hold out aGainst
    us, not in a million years:  1 Gp.
    
    Turkey - AlthouGh I tend to aGree that you Got off to an awfully borinG start,
    I think that takinG up the Rum-Sev position has real class, especially
    with that unneccessary support for Sev - Bla: 2 Gp.
    
    Austria - ProxyinG a unit to me is definitely Goofy.  *wink*  So are F Ionian
    and A Greece: 2 Gp.
    
    Italy - Beautiful!  Missed convoy amonGst your own forces... it certainly Gave
    me a chuckle to see: 2 Gp.
    
    Observers - Marvelous!  Wonderful!  I ees so happy tobehearink frompk yoo
    in deese times ov hard ships:  3 gp.
    
    
    Now, as for those who have accused me of beinG borinG before even doinG
    somethinG more than once... Obviously you are thinkinG with too much
    foresiGht and thouGhtfulness to have any clue about what is really and
    truly Goofy.  Don't worry, you'll learn.  But since there seems to be
    some concern about the annoyance (i.e. NON-GOOFYness) of unannounced
    proxies, I resolve never to indulGe in them aGain.
    
    
    Sincerely,
    
    
    
    

Anonymous Broadcast:

    Quick question:  will we be assigning goofy points for Winter seasons, or
    just for Fall and Spring?
    

Broadcast from Observer:

    What ennui!  Even the goofiest (do you spell it with an i or a y?) of
    the lot barely registered on the goof-o-meter.  A void convoy in the
    Med [yawn], a fleet in Iri [stretch], a lot of proxies [eyes grow
    heavy], and a whole lot of standard land-grabs [thud... snore].
    
    Not one of you did something I would call creatively pointless to
    the extreme.  Where are the armies circling Switzerland?  Where are
    the units returning to their origins?  Where are the fleets tucked
    away in lovely corners like Armenia, Syria, Venice, Piedmont, Clyde
    and Finland?  Where are the units all trying to occupy the same
    space at the same time?   ARE ANY OF YOU QUALIFIED TO PLAY IN THIS
    GAME?  I think not - the only way to save yourselves is to resign
    simultaneously at once and let me take over all your powers so that
    I can try to restore goofiness to the populace and silliness to their
    duly elected officials and idiocy to their armed forces.
    
    At least, if you insist on continuing and have any sense of decency,
    you will engineer a 9-way bounce in Ion or an 11-way bounce in Nth.
    
    Das Goofenmeister, not normally nasty, but badly bored by big ballyhoo
    with witless wan wasted opportunity of oodles of obnoxious orders.
    
    

Broadcast from Master:

    Hello everybody,
    
    nice to see the judge is back, and you are already busily voting.
    Regarding Russia, whose orders were processed even though s/he seemingly
    put some error in the last one: I got a private mail from her/him telling
    about some access problems, but s/he wants to stay in the game so please
    don't grab for the position before I say so (I'll give her/him time 'til
    monday to do so).
    
    More to follow...
    
    Your goofy GM Robert
    
    

Broadcast from Master:

    > Quick question:  will we be assigning goofy points for Winter seasons, or
    > just for Fall and Spring?
    
    Just for fall and spring. You may or may not consider last years builds
    when assigning goofy points for the following spring.
    
    Robert the Super-Goof
    

Broadcast from Master:

    To prevent an unwanted takeover from outsiders, I set this game
    nolist until the Russian situation is sorted out. 
    
    I rely on you observers to accept this. However, I'm willing to
    form a waiting list for replacements. 
    
    Your GM Robert, full supporter of Russia against Germany
    
    Go Russia, go! Go Russia, go! Go Russia, go! Go Russia, go! Go Russia, go! Go Russia, go! Go Russia, go! Go Russia, go! Go Russia, go! Go Russia, go! Go Russia, go! Go Russia, go! Go Russia, go! Go Russia, go! Go Russia, go! Go Russia, go! Go Russia, go! Go Russia, go! Go Russia, go! Go Russia, go! Go Russia, go! Go Russia, go! Go Russia, go! Go Russia, go! Go Russia, go! Go Russia, go! 
    
    

Broadcast from Master:

    Hi folks,
    
    here are the votes from Russia for spring 1901, which he mailed me
    to publish them for him.
    
    > Public info:                                                    
    > votes: eng-3, fra-1, ger-1, ita-1, aus-1, tur-0                               
    > Simple maths will show that it is unlikely that true goofy moves              
    > will allow a player to win without bases unless he survives at least          
    > 6 years with good goofy scores.   Since Eng made the only moves that  
    > seemed to totally reduce the chance of long term survival i gave him       
    > the 3 points.  While any of the other powers (including Turkey) may      
    > be planning truely stupendous goofy moves ... i don't see how to					
    > reward them at this stage, however i think it only fair to remember	  
    > that Turkey may need 1-3 moves to set himself up.							   
    
    Robert
    

Broadcast from Master:

    And, finally, here's the goofy point assignment from your friendly GM
    (this is for *SPRING* !!)
    
    
    GM: A1, E2, F1, G1, I2, R0, T0
    
    A and G get one point for their Tyrolian bounce, E two for the funny F Wal,
    F one for its 'eastward-ho!' attitude (Bre-Pic would have been goofier :-)
    and Italy two for entering Tys and Tus. T's opening was pretty usual, and 
    R's A Lvn is uncommon yet not goofy enough to gain a point (note that the 
    GM has seven candidates for points while each player has only six).
    
    
    

Broadcast from Russia:

    Despite what observers may say, i think the game is slowly developing           
    in a suitably goofy way. It is unrealistic for any power to be                  
    consistently goofy at a high level.  For Russia, I havew a goofy plan           
    in mind and intend to follow the goofy plan through using 'normal'              
    moves; I am resigned to the fact that in some seasons i will score              
    only 0's or 1's while (i hope) in other seasons i will score higher.            
    I imagine at least 3 other powers in this game probably have the same           
    view.                                                                           
                                                                                
    fall votes. i would like to have given the following....                        
    ger-3 eng-3 it-2 t-1 but that adds up to too many.                              
                                                                                
    so...                                                                           
    Germany 3 ... the proxy idea was either not thought of or at least              
              not so well used by any other power.  While those who             
              were chosen as proxies may claim they are being goofy             
              by not using the units, i think they were morally                 
              obliged to use them. I agree with other comments that             
              this tactic should not be used often (ever again?) |              
                                                                                
    England-2 ... i still encourage the 'wasted' unit and leaving Lon open.   
    																				
    Italy-1 ..... doing his best to be creative, would be worth more if				
    			  he was a little more at risk from fr,au,tu.						
    																				
    Turkey-0 .... sorry, no points left, but have given u a mental credit			
    			  towards next vote. The unneccessary support holds u back			
    			  and certainly worth at least 0.9 of a point.						
    																				
    Austria/France-0 ... for me, nothing original or goofy (yet).					
    																				
    																				
    

Broadcast from Master:

    For reasons obvious to some I repeat that votes not summing up to
    exactly 7 points (and votes assigning points to yourself and votes
    assigning more points to a single power than allowed [currently 3])
    do *not* *count* *at* *all*, i.e. are considered as non-voting.
    
    I hope we all learned basic arithmetic in school... :-) :-)
    
    Robert the high level mathematician ("1+2+3=???")
    

Broadcast from Russia:

    Unfortunately, i never went to school or learned to count because				
    there are always more rubles to spend, so no need to count.						
    																				
    igor - send another million peasants to Sweden please.							
    

Broadcast from Observer:

    NO NO NO points to Germany for his mass proxy attempt to copycat the 
    Austrians:	having three units stand around is not goofy, just BORING!!! 
     And he coudln't even get anything done with the loaned Austrians.
    
    Kudos England!  Giving up the capital for a tour of Eire!
    
    And eternal shame on France for actually trying to win this game.
    
    Turkey!  Supporting another power into the jugular to your nation!  If part 
    of the definition of 'goofy' is 'ill-advised', then the Silly Sultan has 
    done well!
    
     -Goofy Observer Guy
    

Broadcast from Italy:

    Hum, it looks like almost everyone fell to the ol' land grab urge.
    
       Goofy points:
    
    	 3 - Germany. A person after my own heart. No builds. Maximum goofyness.
    
    	 1 - England. The Wales move is goofy. The others too normal.
    
    	 1 - Austria. But only because you tried to move to TYR. The move to
    		   the Ionian is much to strong; he who control the ION contols the
    		   Med.
     
    	 1 - Turkey. An attack on Russia? Ho-hum. But the helping of Russia into
    		   the Black Sea was good.
    
    	 1 - Russia. Seems normal to me but maybe you've got some big plan in
           the works. 
    
     0 - France. Too much normal play. Of course, in the winter, you could
           waive all builds -- that would be goofy!
    
       And if I could:
    
     3 - Italy. Despite the yawns of one of our observers, I thought the 
           missed convoy due to the movement of the convoying fleet was
           brilliant! Especially since the Judge warns you about the convoy
           not working when it sends you back your move confirmation. In a
           normal game you would have to be a real dodo to screw up such
           a move.
    
    
    -- MajorDomo
    
    

Broadcast from Russia:

    Spr  01.. e-3 g-1 f-1 i-1 a-1 t-0                                               
    Fall 01.. e-2 g-3 f-0 i-1 a-0 t-0                                               
    

Broadcast from Russia:

    Rusian chief economist learns to count and issues the following on              
    behalf of the Tzar:                                                             
                                                                                
           E  G  F  I  A  T                                                     
    Spr  01..  3  1  1  1  1  0                                                     
    Fall 01..  2  3  0  1  0  1                                                     
                                                                                
    

Broadcast from Austria:

       Broadcast message from Italy in goofy:
    
       Hum, it looks like almost everyone fell to the ol' land grab urge.
    
    	Two powers (France, Turkey) = almost everyone?
    
    	  Goofy points:
    
    	3 - Germany. A person after my own heart. No builds. Maximum goofyness.
    	
    	Well, he did get a build.  Note the fleet in Denmark.
    
    	1 - Austria. But only because you tried to move to TYR. The move to
    		  the Ionian is much to strong; he who control the ION contols the
    		  Med.
    
    	Sorry, but my mapmakers have informed me that all roads lead
    through the Ionian. Hey	 - I bypassed Serbia!  I would have bypassed
    Greece, too, but you need forces to play.  
    
    	1 - Russia. Seems normal to me but maybe you've got some big plan in
          the works. 
    
    You think it's normal to send all of the armies into
    Scandanavia? Dear me, I'll have to play Turkey against your Russia
    someday.
    
      And if I could:
    
    3 - Italy. Despite the yawns of one of our observers, I thought the 
          missed convoy due to the movement of the convoying fleet was
          brilliant! Especially since the Judge warns you about the convoy
          not working when it sends you back your move confirmation. In a
          normal game you would have to be a real dodo to screw up such
          a move.
    
    So glad that you are pleased with yourself!
    
       -- MajorDomo
    
                    F.F.
    

Broadcast from Italy:

    Uh, yeah. Thanks Austria for pointing out that Germany got a build. I guess
    I'll issue a revised goofiness score. 
    
       2 -- Germany. You naughty boy, you did get a build!
       2 -- Russia. No builds for you, but just because Turkey grabbed the south.
       1 -- England. No builds for you either, but again accidental. I'd give you
          two points but I don't have one to spare.
       1 -- Austria.
       1 -- Turkey.
       0 -- France.
    
    -- Major "damn right I'm proud of my move!" Domo
    

Broadcast from France:

      Oh, my art is so misunderstood.  I guess I am just ahead of my time...
    Don't you understand?  With twice the pieces, I can be twice as goofy!
    (Plus there is the small bonus for having more SC's -- I know, it's too
    normal, but there it is.)  Just wait.  It's all coming together. :)
    
      Russia -- you don't think my spring move was goofy?  I'm hurt.
    
      Points awarded:  I tend to agree, it was a boring move.  But let us
    go on!	Inspiration awaits!
    
      France:  Zero.   Of course.
      Germany:	I agree with everyone else; using unannounced proxies to get 
    	around the noNMR rule is good the first time; two for you.	'Twould
    have been three if you'd moved out of Denmark, though.
      England:	One, for the lack of protection of London.
      Italy:  2: One for the missed convoy, plus one for ignoring Trieste.
    	Basic, but still goofy by ordinary lights.
      Turkey:  One, for the suppport of Russia, which was wasteful (you could
    	have moved F Ank-Arm to lend future support to Sev, & Russia would still
    	have made the Black Sea.)
      Austria:	Zero, for the shape my mouth makes when I <*yawn*>.	 Tyrolia
    	is old already, although it might be worth more points later, as a
    	repetitive thing.
      Russia:  One for the move to Finland, and because I have a point left over.
    

Broadcast from Austria:

    	I'm getting sick of hearing criticism about the Tyrolian
    order.  I DIDN'T ORDER IT!  Further criticisms should be directed
    toward Berlin.	This appears to	 be a subtlety many have missed.
    
    France: Your voting baffles me. Italy gets two? Turkey one? Me zero?
    *sigh* 
    
    Observers: I find multi-way bounces or convoys to be fairly boring.	 I
    mean, you have to ORGANIZE them.  I did like the idea about supports -
    I wish I had thought of it.
    				F. F.
    

Broadcast from France:

     > Broadcast message from Austria in goofy:
     > 
     >	I'm getting sick of hearing criticism about the Tyrolian
     > order.  I DIDN'T ORDER IT!					 Further criticisms should be directed
     > toward Berlin.  This appears to	be a subtlety many have missed.
     > 
     > France: Your voting baffles me. Italy gets two? Turkey one? Me zero?
     > *sigh* 
    
    Italy only got two because I had extra points to give away.	 Turkey gets
    one for the totally unnecessary support of Russia -- not the result, nor
    the move to Sev, but the uncoordinated and unnecessary collaboration.
    
    Your proxy, while interesting in some ways, was coordinated with Germany,
    and therefore, whatever the outcome, Germany would get the points rather
    than you.  If G were to take your proxied piece into his territory and
    start taking his own centers with it, now _that_ would be good goofiness...
    but for him.  If you prefer, you can consider any criticism in a previous
    message on that point to be retracted from you and redirected to him...
    and I apologize for any broken goofy heart my goofy misdirection might
    have goofed you.  (Germany, take note.)
    

Broadcast from Austria:

    ******************************************************************
    **********************DER WIENER SCHNITZEL************************
    ******************************************************************
    Wien - Archduke Francis Ferdinand announced the intention of the 
    Austrian Empire to "be the ruler  of the waves." Shipyards in 
    Trieste are hard at work constructing the Second Austrian Fleet,
    scheduled to launch late this year.	 All Great Powers are asked for
    their understanding regarding this project.
    ******************************************************************
    Black Sea - Joint maneuvers were held between the Russian and 
    Turkish Empire in search of the fabled monster "Blackie," who has 
    been plaguing the fishing fleets of these mighty nations.  The 
    monster escaped to the Dardanelles. It is expected that the Russian
    fleet will give chase.
    ******************************************************************
    Gee, the Archduke certainly seems testy these days, doesn't he?
    ******************************************************************
    Finland - Russian land forces secured this Scandanavian homeland,
    setting up camp near Helsinki. They immediately started playing
    "Reindeer games," a slightly perverse Scandanavian tradition.  
    Photos forthcoming.
    ******************************************************************
    Berlin - Kaiser       continued to rail in his chambers against the 
    powers that be.  His aides have tried to keep his condition from
    the press, but rumors are swirling about a gigantic wolf which 
    has been terrorizing the countryside at every full moon.
    ******************************************************************
    Serbia - Serbian terrorists drove frightened Austrian soldiers from
    their camps in Sarajevo across the border into Macedonia.  When
    questioned by press corps about the incident, General Anesthetia 
    remarked, "Que sera, sera.  Whatever will be, will be...." He 
    launched into a falsetto impression of Doris Day, and was joined by
    several young street urchins.
    *******************************************************************
    REPENT, THE END IS NIGH!
    *******************************************************************
    1. e2 - e4   1.?
    *******************************************************************
    Tunis - In a  bizarre development, several rhinoceri stampeded the 
    Austrian Embassy this afternoon.  
    *******************************************************************
    Tuscany - The Italian winegrowing association was embarrassed this
    afternoon at the sight of 100,000 sailors, who attended a "wine-
    tasting" event at the villa of Minor Domo, the younger brother of the
    Major Domo.  Thankfully for the merchants, the sailors all
    simultaneously looked at their watches and said, "Got  a boat to
    catch," and headed to the shore.    Sadly, their ship had left.
    *******************************************************************
    London - "Parlez-vous francais?" was heard often this evening, as
    the First French Fleet put to dock under the shadow of Big Ben.  Ben,
    a local hill giant moved the next  morning, leaving the fleet back in
    the sunlight.
    *******************************************************************
    Copenhagen - Rosencrantz and Guildenstern took control of the 
    visiting German fleet this afternoon.  Promising "swift action", they 
    immediately fell asleep.
    *******************************************************************
    Wien -  After a long afternoon drinking coffee and sampling
    chocolates, the Archduke declared war upon the continent of Africa.
    ******************************************************************
    

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