THE ABYSSINIAN PRINCE #344

January 20, 2014


Jim Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327 USA, (401)351-0287, jfburgess of gmail.com


E-MAIL/WEB ONLY ISSUE! PDF will be available on the website. We also are being reproduced in Eternal Sunshine.


Web Page Address: http://www.diplom.org/DipPouch/Postal/Zines/TAP/index.html


We start Diplomacy AND Breaking Away in this issue, the request was that we ALSO run Kendo Nagasaki, making it at least three games of it in Eternal Sunshine. Playing Kendo is as easy as pie, join us, let's get some new people playing. I have one name and location already.
This issue continues the szine/subszine inversion. As most of you know, this thing began as a ßubszine" to Terry Tallman's North Sealth, West George, then became its own szine with a host of subszines. The subszines remaining will appear as sub-subszines to our new flipflopped home in Doug Kent's Eternal Sunshine. Doug's incessant nagging is not keeping us on schedule, but will make it so we keep going. I'd like to keep writing and doing some game GMing (note that has been expanding). I'm set on the GMing, soon I hope to follow with the writing.
For production, in addition to the HTML's of each separate product on the web page, I will also have a PDF that you can print of the entire subszine (including my famous handdrawn maps!). You can just print the maps if you like, but remember maps are for pikers anyway, you don't need no steenkin' maps, keep them up in your head where they belong.
General information about the mailing list is at: http://www.diplom.org/mailman/listinfo/tap You can sign up from there, or send E-Mails to: Tap-request of diplom.org; with the word `help' in the subject or body (don't include the quotes), and you will get back a message with instructions. You must know your password to change your options (including changing the password, itself) or to unsubscribe.


THE ABYSSINIAN PRINCE FEATURES SECTION (CONS/TOURNAMENTS/HOUSE RULES
((For upcoming cons around the world: http://diplom.org/Face/cons/index.php, but note that some of the Americans have stopped posting the tournaments there. Shame, shame, shame... One of those is the last WACCon coming up next weekend, I had really hoped to make it, but had an unavoidable conflict on the Sunday, and flying out to come back during the day on Saturday didn't make any sense. If you're anywhere close to Seattle for January 24-26, you really should make an appearance, it should be a great one!!! Anyway, since you can't read about it on the DipPouch site, you can read about it on their facebook site: https://www.facebook.com/events/452691528142776/ As I print, my big news still is TempleCon is coming up second weekend in February, more below, and I'll be trolling some more for more of you to think about coming there.))


DIPLOMACY WORLD CUP TOURNAMENT IS ONGOING - YOU CAN STILL JOIN!
This is the latest incarnation of this team based tournament. I am helping to lead the Nor'Easter team for people in the Northeast part of the United States. https://www.facebook.com/groups/123795024327261/ is the Facebook page for the event.
And you can sign up for the Tournament at: http://aqmn.asciiking.com/. Other US regional teams are the ones in the Pacific, Dixie, and Chicago. Its unique aspect, that is proving to be a bit distorting but in interesting ways, is its "solo only" feature. You advance from the preliminaries to the finals only by soloing, and then need solos in the finals against the other soloists. Though this started last January, it probably will be going on for at least two years, and there is PLENTY of time to jump in. As usual, for those who know me well, I screwed up my first game and allowed a solo to someone from team US. I still don't have a solo in over three decades, but maybe I can do it in my current game. Yes, in C-Diplo, you can easily throw games, and in this format you can do it. I wonder why people like to drop the levels of the game in this way. It fascinates me. But in the finals of this tournament, it shouldn't happen, should it?


THE ABYSSINIAN PRINCE LETTERS SECTION
Drew James (Sat, Jan 18, 2014 at 1:02 PM)
Jim,
Soon I'll be heading to the Carrier Dome to watch SU vs Pitt in a battle for first place in the ACC. Ironic that the two biggest games in the Dome this year turned out to be 'Nova and Pitt! The more things change the less they change. I love the ex-Big East teams have turned out to be the best teams in the ACC. I read a fan post somewhere that inviting SU into the ACC is like inviting the cool kid over to your party and then having him leave with your girlfriend. The next home game is vs Duke. That will be a fun one with the largest crowd ever in attendance.
Drew, [email protected]
((Yeah, obviously since you wrote that SU pulled out a thrilling 59-54 victory over Pitt and is headed toward that February 1st Duke showdown. I am most pleased that Boston College, who arguably started this whole chain reaction, is buried at the very bottom of the ACC, and could stay there for a very, VERY long time. Pitt and SU went when they finally had to go. And they could keep winning the ACC for a long time. That's something to root for. I was really worried that College Basketball would be destroyed by these football moves, but right now I feel good about it all. If Villanova and Providence from the old Big East, and newcomers Xavier and Creighton, go to the NCAA's, while Pitt and SU push teams like Wake Forest and Florida State out, I'll feel even better.))


THE ABYSSINIAN PRINCE GAMES SECTION
I am continuing to note cut or failed support orders with a small "s" instead of a capital "S". This will make it easier on the E-Mailed version of the szine to see what happened, since the italics don't show there. The italics DO show on the web page just fine. Since I'm not postal mailing the szine any more, I've dropped back to just reporting the disguised E-Mail addresses. As someone notes, if you need some more contact information, go back to past issues or ask me.
Standby lists:
Dick Martin, Brad Wilson, Jack McHugh, Glenn Petroski, Steve Emmert, Mark Kinney, Vince Lutterbie, Eric Brosius, Paul Rauterberg, Bob Osuch, Doug Kent, Sean O'Donnell, Heath Gardner, Paul Kenny, and Jeff O'Donnell stand by for regular Diplomacy. Let me know if you want on or off these lists, especially OFF given the new policies.


GAME OPENING INFORMATION
I'm going to start the game opening list over. Under the new regime, who wants to play what?
DIPLOMACY: The Regular Diplomacy game starts in this issue. I would love to run Spy Diplomacy again some time, any interest in that? Something else?? Another Regular Diplomacy game? Maybe I'll just show you all that I can stay on schedule for awhile.
BREAKING AWAY: See the game start below!!
KENDO NAGASAKI: See rules and that game start below as well!!!


THE PHIL REYNOLDS MEMORIAL: 2006B, Regular Diplomacy
THE DUE DATE FOR FALL 1909 IS FEBRUARY 15TH, 2014
Summer 1909
AUSTRIA (Burgess): has f BUL(SC), a VIE, a BUD, f ADR, a SER.
ENGLAND (James): has f NWG, a YOR, f BAR, a NWY, a DEN, a STP, f NTH, f NAP, f SWE,
a KIE, f APU, f BAL.
FRANCE (Williams): has f GOL, f MID, a BUR, a MUN, a VEN, f ION, a BER, f TYH, a TRI.
ITALY (Crow): has a GRE.
RUSSIA (Gardner): has a SEV, a UKR, a WAR, f CON, a GAL, f AEG, f GOB.


E-Mail Addresses of the Participants
AUSTRIA: David Burgess, burgesscd of roadrunner.com or dburgess of glensfallshosp.org
ENGLAND: Drew James, kjames01 of twcny.rr.com or karelanddrew of gmail.com
FRANCE: Don Williams, wllmsfmly of earthlink.net ($5)
GERMANY: Marc Ellinger, mellinger of blitzbardgett.com
ITALY: John Crow, johnny.crow of hotmail.com
RUSSIA: Heath Gardner (aka Heath Davis-Gardner), heath.gardner of gmail.com
TURKEY: Fred Wiedemeyer, wiedem of telus.net or wiedem of shaw.ca


Game Notes:
1) The EF draw is rejected and reproposed. Please vote with the Fall orders.
2) We didn't have everyone's orders in, so we do the summer season break. Now that I have the other games going, we don't have time to wait for orders to trickle in. Please get them in by February 15th though. I'm trying to keep the other games on track. There is some annoyance about this with no retreats. Let's try to think about keeping this game moving, please?


Press:
(FRANCE to GREECE): Great number last time. A little derivative, but it had a catchy tune and I could stab to it. I give it a "Nine".
(BOOB to ENGLISH AND FRENCH GERMANS): Nein!
(LE DUCK DU NORMANDIE to TSAR HEATHOVICH): If the draw doesn't pass this time we should talk. I've got some great real estate to show you here in the Austro-Balkans, only slightly war-torn fixer-upper provinces of great value.
(NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD HEATH to NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD DAVID): "They're coming to get you, Barbara."
(ENGLAND to WORLD): Vote for the Draw and let's end this thing.
(DON to DREW): I think that means we're zombies. Or is it ghouls? Aren't they the same thing? I'd hate to think there's such a thing as zombies and ghouls. If you crossed a ghoul and a zombie would you get a ghombie or a zooul? Or Brad Wilson?
(WILLIAMS to GM): Hey, James... can we play a zombie variant of Diplomacy? ((I think zombies are stupid and, worse, boring!)) Armies and fleets of undead ravaging the map of Europe! Where's Tom Swider when you need him?
(BOOB to WILLIAMS): What's with all the interest in little Tommie Swider??? See below, there is more in the Darkness... but whatever the state of hearts in the darkness, there aren't going to be any zombies in THIS szine, you're barking up the wrong tree.


PRINCE OF DARKNESS: 2013D, Regular Diplomacy
THE DUE DATE FOR SUMMER (or FALL) 1901 IS FEBRUARY 15TH, 2014
Spring 1901
AUSTRIA (Allen): a BUD S a vie-gal, a vie-GAL, f TRI s a ven (otm).
ENGLAND (Wilson): f edi-NWG, f lon-NTH, a lvp-EDI.
FRANCE (Williams): f bre-ENG, a mar-SPA, a par-GAS.
GERMANY (Kent): f kie-DEN, a mun-RUH, a ber-KIE.
ITALY (Ruttinger): f nap-ION, a ven-TYO, a rom-VEN.
RUSSIA (Slossar): f stp(sc)-GOB, f SEV-bla, a mos-UKR, a WAR-gal.
TURKEY (Gardner): f ANK-bla, a con-BUL, a smy-CON.


E-Mail Addresses of the Participants
AUSTRIA: Scott Allen, scottdjallen of gmail.com
ENGLAND: Brad Wilson, fullfathomfive675 of gmail.com
FRANCE: Don Williams, wllmsfmly of earthlink.net
GERMANY: Doug Kent, dougray30 of yahoo.com
ITALY: Mike Ruttinger, mruttinger of gmail.com
RUSSIA: Bob Slossar, bobsloss of comcast.net
TURKEY: Heath Gardner (aka Heath Davis-Gardner), heath.gardner of gmail.com


Game Notes:
1) Tom Howell gave us the Boardman Number 2013D, as Tom says for DARK, very DARK. This is the Prince of Darkness personified.
2) Note that there is a summer press only deadline that is possible. I hope everyone will get orders in and we'll move on to Fall. I am a big fan of doing proper press organization and alignment. You guys presented some unique challenges this season. Remember, press is black, so other than that, that's all I'm sayin' about it.
3) I suspect that there will be a big push to get Fall orders in for February, so please try to do that.


Press:
(LAS VEGAS CURRENT PREDICTION): Win or draw with highest center count for Bob (Russia) by 1908.
(JIMMY "THE GREEK" makes his early analysis: In the east, Heath and Bob form a short-term alliance, long enough to cripple Scott. But they'll be bickering over the spoils soon enough. Mike bounces with Scott in Trieste in Spring 1901, and then goes neutral, biding his time.
In the west, both Brad and Don ally with Doug, but while they aren't working together or directly coordinating with each other, neither is truly interested in an alliance with Germany. Belgium is still un-owned by the end of the year. Although of quite different sorts, real-world issues keep Don and Brad from spending much time on this game.
Germany builds two in 1901 but decides not to bounce Russia in Sweden, nor to invade France. His version of the Italian "wait and see" strategy will fail miserably, and he is the second power eliminated after Austria. By then Russia is slowly winning a war of attrition with Turkey, Italy has moved towards France, and an NMR at a crucial moment kicks England out of Scandinavia completely. Russia takes the game almost by default, but without ever directly attacking anyone but Austria (and Germany after France sneaks into Ruhr in 1902).
(PRINCE of DARKNESS, PART 1): He was the minister of some ass-bite nothing public ministry even more obscure than the ass-bite nothing public ministry that had hired me. He was asking questions he didn't want answers to. Not that he knew it yet. He would.
"Call me Shrapnel. Sir John Shrapnel" I said. It's as good a name as any. I have a few. It pays to in my line of work. De rigueur you might say.
"I see. Well thank you, Mr. Shrapnel." Mister Shrapnel. Not sir. So noted. He continued and I listened. "Please, tell me exactly what you have been doing for this government for the past six months. I mean apart from raiding our treasury. I have reviewed the ledger of accounts to you –- quite disturbing -– but seen nothing in the files indicating what we have paid for. Do you have any accounting of your activities undertaken on behalf of this government, Mr. Shrapnel? Any reports to offer? Documents of any kind? I assure you that you may share them with me in the strictest confidence. I further assure you that you will share them with me or your peculiar... arrangement with this government will conclude at the end of our meeting."
"Minister X, my fees and expenses have been forwarded pursuant to the agreement with Minister Zander. He hired me. Questions about my compensation should be addressed to him personally. As for my activities, Minister, the less you know the better off you and this government and its leaders will be. You have my word on that." I’d put it out there, not that he’d listen. I started considering options. He kept not listening.
"Indeed. So I’ve been told. I suppose we owe you immeasurable thanks for saving us from ourselves, as it were, yes? That is highly convenient for you. And, I’m afraid, unacceptable to me." He got up from the heavy desk and walked slowly to the center of the room. He clasped his hands behind him and allowed a pained look to absorb his face. It was a practiced gesture. I love practiced gestures.
"Mr. Shrapnel, you will speak with me plainly and truthfully. I will bear sole responsibility for your burdensome information. You may consider yourself absolved of any negative implications or reflections on this government relating to your actions on its behalf though, I'm sure, your disclosures will amount to nothing but self-serving blandishments devised to keep you in our service. More or less indefinitely, I suspect." I'd gone over the options and decided to humor him, see where it led. He was pacing in slow, wide ovals. Another gesture. More of a posture, actually. The guy was enjoying his little game. I couldn't say the same.
"To start, then... what is your line of work? What is it that you purport to do, Mr. Shrapnel?" What the hell, I thought. I’d tell him the truth, let him become Zander's problem.
"I'm a professional anarchist for hire. An agent provocateur, so called. A political privateer. I do what needs to be done for people who don't want it known they're doing it. I'm also something of a spy as well as a Fourth World Assassin. And sometimes I write fairy tales for people like you, Minister. Would you like me to write you some fairy tales about the last six months?" He could chew on that.
(ANONYMOUS): "Everyone sees what you appear to be, few experience what you really are." Niccolo Machiavelli
(LE DUCK DU NORMANDIE to KAISER KENT): Whither went the armies of the Reich, oh Kaiser mein? As you can see, I trusted you and didn't cover Burgundy, a trust I rarely offer to the Hun. I hope you decided to play nice in Sandbox Europa.
(BOOB MCNUTT to LE DUCK): Play nice?! Play Nice?!?! Play NICE?!?!?! Your forces were in Marseilles, but NEVER in Nice, never Nice.
(LE DUCK to SANDBOX EUROPA): Manners required. Pails and shovels optional. Neutrals need not apply.
(BOOB MCNUTT to LE DUCK): You can hang out on the Riviera beaches if you like, after all there is that topless thing, but I've got a bottomless desire for more Diplomacy and intrigue, if you mess it up with all your wishy-washy manners, I'll get some of those girls to convince you otherwise!
(NEUTRALS to THE SANDBOX): I'll remind everyone that with black press, neutrals are welcome at any time... hello!
(BOOB MCNUTT to NEUTRAL WOMEN): If there are any, I urge you to choose sides, NOW!
(FRANCE to RUSSIA): You know what they say, "The Hun is either at your throat or at your feet." Let’s hope it’s your throat, my feet.
(BURGUNDY to MUNICH): That’s going to read very badly if you’re standing here with an army of pointy-topped soldiers, isn't it?
(GM to BURGUNDY): No, it looks like everyone ran the other way!
(PRINCE of DARKNESS, PART 2): The answer surprised him though he tried not to show it. His pacing picked up a bit, though, and the pained look faded. He continued. Foolish.
"And in what capacity have you been employed by this government?"
"That is confidential, Minister. As I stated, you really don’t want to know." But I'd already decided to tell him and let Zander deal with containment. It'd serve him right for not keeping this guy out of my business. People who get into my business usually have problems with longevity.
"Please, Mr. Shrapnel, please!" His tone rose sharply. "You will tell me at once or I shall have you arrested for contractual breach and pilfering from the public treasury. Why, I could have you tortured... or worse. No one knows you're here. Your disappearance would pass without notice, I’m sure." He'd stopped pacing and settled on a suspicious glower.
"What are we paying you for?"
"Very good, Minister. I'll assume your promise of discretion is valid. I'll further assume you have the right to know given you were provided... somehow - with enough information to get me to this little inquisition in the first place.
"I was hired by your government to start a war." I smiled broadly. How often do you get to say that? "A very big war. A war embroiling Europe. All of it." I took pleasure watching his face twist from anger to amazement to fear in the space of seconds. "I was contracted to spread rumor, foment suspicion, build distrust, and provoke aggression throughout the great capitals of Europe. I was asked to discreetly and insidiously create a climate of treachery, deceit, and hostility. Aggressive mistrust, Mr. Minister, done on behalf of this country. And I've fulfilled the contract. A little creative anarchy goes a long way. You'll agree if you've been reading the headlines."
"That’s preposterous, Shrapnel. You're quite out of your mind. The current belligerent climate can’t be the work of a single man. It isn't possible." He was sputtering as he tried to master the thoughts rushing through his head. My activities can do that to a person. I kept talking.
"And yet, it's true." I spread my hands before him like a magician proving his innocence. "I know you believe me when I tell you Europe is wavering on a hair trigger as we speak. It will very soon plunge into war for no particularly good reason. This spring, in fact, on cue. And I did it under hire to this government. Your government." Minister X's face had whitened considerably as he contemplated what my words meant to his future.
"Minister Zander also asked me for dossiers on the leaders of the so-called `Great Powers'. Including yours, by the way. You can ask him about that one yourself, if you dare. Might cost you your head, though. Important, personal dossiers. I was finishing those when you summoned. Operation Prince of Darkness, he calls it. He's a romantic, I think, but a terribly jaded romantic." Zander was worse than jaded, I knew. He was a malevolent man, feigning civility and finesse to those around him. I didn't know who he truly served but I understood him. Hell, I liked him.
(FRANCE to GM): That wasn't really very nice of me, was it? I may be getting off on the wrong foot.
(GM to FRANCE): Well, we did have a bit of a press induced press delay. But nothing serious. I do so love the press, even if it takes a long time to organize it.
(BOOB to DOUG): I'll show you what managing a press war is like, the way it needs to be managed...
(FWENCH FWOG to BWAD THE BWITON): Alas, Fair Briton, your silence filled the void and spoke where your words did not and we have sent warships to the English Channel to parry the assumed surprise attack from your deadly dreadnaughts. Britannia may rule the waves, but the waters of the La Manche are not to be so easily dominated. If La Manche remains unoccupied this season, let's discuss the future immediately. If it ours, we will arrange to vacate it once your intentions toward Le Republique are known.
(BOB - JIM-BOB): Where's my press? Well,... um, er,... you see... My dog ate it, ya that's it my dog ate it.
(JIM-BOB to BOB): Can you name your dog, so we can write press to the dog? Then I can ask the dog what he thinks, I suspect I'll get a better answer.
(WILLIAMS to BURGESS): I think I see a serious design flaw here, by the way. By naming that space on the board the "English Channel," Calhamer botched up the obviously neutral emphasis needed to create a space the English did not automatically feel they should lay claim to. Had the space been neutrally named, or had the line been drawn vertically between the North Sea and Mid-Atlantic Ocean and the Channel removed entirely, I think there would be a much more balanced game and a feeling of peace and prosperity would reign between France and England. Calhamer's clear Anglo-centric bias has marred an otherwise well designed map board and I, for one, think the name should be changed effective immediately.
(BURGESS to WILLIAMS): You're there, feel free to lay claim to it and rename it. But I warn you, patience for francophone arrogance around here is REALLY low.
(BOB - JIM-BOB): What about me writing some press? I didn't know anyone still ran monthly deadlines. I thought those went out with analog phones.
(JIM-BOB to BOB): I can start listing phone numbers and you can call your fellow players, it will still keep us on monthly deadlines, though. You're not convincing me.
(FRANCE to RUSSIA AND TURKEY): Similar, for example, to the peace and prosperity that no doubt reigns between you two as regards ownership of the Black Sea which, as we all know, is not named after either of your nations. Admit it, neither of you can safely lay claim to that space due solely to its name. Point made.
(BOOB to FRANCOPHONE LAMENESS): Are you still on and on about the naming of the seas? Sigh, wake me when you're done... let's get in press from someone else...
(BOB - JIM-BOB): Ah, you want press from me? Do you realize I'm doing you a favor by not writing press? Think about all the extra typing/work you have to do because of press. No need to thank me. That's just the type of guy I am.
(JIM-BOB to BOB): I might take that position pretty quickly if it's all like this.
(MARSEILLES to PIEDMONT): Trusting soul that I am (see reference to Kaiser Kent), I also vacated our mutual border and headed south for the warmer climes of Espana. I hope your troops did not stumble, accidentally or otherwise, into Piedmont as that would violate our one and only accord this season, and I'd hate to think you would violate me so quickly and cavalierly. Ahem.
(PARIS to ROME): Put another way, were you a gentleman or a scoundrel?
(BOOB to NAPOLEON): Can't you be a gentleman AND a scoundrel? I'm done with you, someone else, please?
(BOB - JIM-BOB): You're asking me about doing some press? Hmm, well thanks but no thanks... I've got to ...um, go grocery shopping and wash my hair that night. Thanks for asking, maybe next time.
(JIM-BOB to BOB): Well, that wasn't too much of an interlude, but it was an interlude, Mr. Slossar.
(FRANCE to GM): That was totally uncalled for. Where’s Slossar's ombudsperson when you need him/her?
(BOOB to FRANCO): Oops, are you Spanish now? I'm not calling in an ombudsman for calling Bob an interlude, it wasn't a quaalude, for gosh sake!
(FRANCE to TURKEY): I suspect you went to BLA and CON, but for the life of me I couldn't predict the movement of A SMY. It's the piece I'm most curious about this season, apart from Bwad's F LON. I bet Bob was curious, too. Now we know. Onward, voyager!
(BOOB to FRANCE): Not "Voyager"?!?! That's more Doug's speed!
(PARIS REVIEW): As part of our never ending effort to class up the places in the world that are not France, we offer the first in a series of movie, book and other assorted recommendations for your consideration. Book –- "Guns, Germs and Steel" by Jared Diamond. ((Great read!!! I also highly recommend it!!!)) Movie –- "Secondhand Lions". ((Stunning vistas, great story, also highly recommended!!!)) Song –- "Stuck in the Middle With You" by Stealers Wheel. You can thank us later.
(BOOB to PARIS REVIEW): Your musical taste on the other hand? Not so much... Now I really need some quaaludes...
(BOB - JIM-BOB): I know you want press from me. Here's the truth: Williams promised me 2 things while he was badgering me to join this game (1)I could have Belgium and (2)I wouldn't need to write press because he would write enough press for both of us. I surprised he didn't tell you. So you see (per usual) its all Don's fault.
(BOOB to BOB): That, I get!
(PARIS REVIEW to GM): Hey, maybe everyone could suggest a book-of-the-month and/or a movie-of-the-month, sort of to take our minds off the collective (not to say sordid) deceit and treachery being dealt out in copious amounts around the board each turn. Or maybe name a favorite song. I know Doug is a big movie buff, and almost everyone in this game can read (I'm not naming names), so this is a natural. Later, when we all hate each other and stuff, we can make fun of each others' selections after we’re done running down each others' dogs and mothers. ((You're already after Bob's dog AND his mother??)) Come on, Jim, what recommendations do you have? And you have to pick something that's not by the freakin' Mekons. They're just not that good, dammit.
(GM to PARIS REVIEW): First off, I'll combine music AND books and recommend Stewart Copeland's autobiography in the CD format (so you get some music with the words), "Strange Things Happen." It's a lot of fun and wanders around into many different parts of Stewart's life - though not much about the Police (this didn't bother me very much). Then, the Mekons have made a film, "Revenge of the Mekons," which I've not managed to see yet, but will further establish their reputation as the most in-band of all in-bands. Which bands that you know have grabbed you up onto the stage to dance with the band?
(PARIS REVIEW to GM): Saying it don't make it so.
(GM to PARIS REVIEW): But doing it does.
(PRINCE of DARKNESS, PART 3): "Would you like to know more of what I've done for my fee, Minister? In my profession code names are assigned, you understand why I'm sure. Let me tell you about these men, these heads-of-state. They are evil, each worse than the last. Conniving, duplicitous, malicious, covetous of raw power and willing to do anything to get it. Keep it. Grow it. They will greedily plunge this continent into horror and bloodshed for personal gain." I wasn't exactly enjoying this but it was having the desired effect on the Minister and he became paler still. Maybe I was enjoying it.
"Let’s start with the Tsar of the Russias. I've coded him Lord Sauron. His baleful glare scours Europe searching, always searching, like a giant lidless eye. He seethes with unquenchable vengeance. He is summoning a legion of foul darkness to destroy the countries of the continent and replace them with his own unending nightmare empire. He's just the beginning.
"Lord Voldemort is next, the English sovereign. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. His power grows as he corrupts the souls of men in his island homeland and bends them to darkness. The ability of his very name to produce terror in the hearts of all leads them never to utter it. He seeks a pure and worthy bloodline throughout Europe. He lurks silent but deadly. His neighbors rightly fear he and his Death Eaters.
"Then there's the Kaiser. He is a sinister and insidious force beyond nature and a master politician, feigning a belief in populism and democracy while expanding his despotic rule to the most unbridled in all Europe. Him I've code-named Emperor Palpatine. His autocratic hegemony will be a dark boot on the face of humanity for all time.
"The Archduke came easy –- Lord Dracula. Evil incarnate. A blood-sucker in more than just the literal sense. He more than the others cares only for the bloodshed and has little thought beyond reveling in the violence. He is master of the undead –- or seemingly so –- and has dark mastery over men, women, and the animals. He is more than a match for the rest of Europe.
"In Italy there is the Merchant of Death, Iago, another master of treachery and malicious deceit. He perpetuates evil and cruelty for their own sake and revels in the dark abyss of his own soul. Consumed by hatred and jealous of the power held by the other leaders, he will stop at nothing to personally destroy and ruin them, even if it takes Europe in flames to do it. His most powerful weapon is his ability to charm and convince others of his loyalty, even as he prepares to double-cross them.
"The French... ah, you know the French, Minister X. They are not led by a man, but a cold-blooded automaton. A gollum. A seeming machine. More ruthless than any human because he is not human, more heartless because he has no heart. His ambitions are cold, inhumane, darkly logical... his soul-less reason devoid of mercy or redemption. His emotionless path to power is motivated by a discredited Darwinism; man must be extinguished to make way for his betters. His code name is HAL.
"Finally, there is the Ottoman. Last, but not least. He is a criminal mastermind –- an evil genius -– and more than any other he is bent on making Europe over in the image of his country, slave to his superior and extravagant intellect. The Sultan is suave, urban, cultured, cunning, and deadlier the rest by far because of it. His dark mind is his ultimate weapon and it will be a weapon of mass destruction. He is Moriarty."
(FRANCE to BOARD): Have you ever stopped to think that it's a really good thing that Calhamer didn't design in a negative factor to offset marching into all these neutrals and just trashing them right off the bat? I mean, what if the unit entering the neutral couldn't move the next turn? Or if you had to support yourself in? Or, say, your whole country went into CD one season for each neutral violated to reflect that your own citizens were justly appalled by your lack of civil comportment in blatantly violating the sovereignty of your neighbors and immediately exploiting their economic base for nationalistic war aims. Boy, it's a good thing he didn't think of any of those things.
(FRANCE to ENGLAND AND GERMANY): As you can see, I deftly removed myself from having any real say in the question of who gets Belgium. I'm so tired of going to war with the country I didn't support into BEL, honestly. You two figure it out and call me in the aftermath. In the meantime, if you ask me I say it's high time we all acknowledged that Belgium belongs to the Belgians! Leave 'em be, we say!
(BOOB to TRIPLE): Hey, I'll take Belgium!!!
(FRANCE to SPAIN AND PORTUGAL): Quit your noise, you two! It's a completely different situation. Besides, you're going to love being French protectorates. We have great food and wine, we invented the ménage-a-trois and le affaire, we're hardly real Catholics, we still think smoking is cool, and we're not Italians. What more could you want from an invader? Viva la difference!
PARIS to RUSSIA: Yeah, but what are you going to do in 1902 when the bouncing around just doesn't cut it no more? (You get bored so quickly.) It's been a very long time. I'm going to enjoy this.
(PRINCE of DARKNESS, PART 4): "Enough, Sir Shrapnel. I have heard enough... do not continue. You are a foul man, foul beyond description if you have indeed done the things you say. You are perhaps worse than any of these... villains."
"And, yet, Minister X, I have done them at your government's behest. Molded, manipulated, and amplified events. Like I said, anarchy creatively applied is a caustic and powerful agent. Would you like a peek into what these seven princes of darkness have planned –- with my help, of course -– for this spring? A preview of coming attractions?" And he'd finally remembered the `sir'.
"I would not, sir. I would like you to leave this office immediately and never return." He was scared now and had returned to the defensive wall of his desk. He was pleading for his life.
"It's too late for that, Minister, too late by far. You will finish hearing me out. Next time you're offered a way out of the bad news I suggest you take it.
"This spring is the opening act. The Western powers will invade their neighbors in quick succession, without provocation, and will brutally crush every unaligned country in their sphere. None will survive the year. Palpatine will attempt the lion's share. HAL and Voldemort will allow his deprivations for their own reasons. In the East, Iago will swear loyalty to all and bide his time for the proper opening. He will no doubt take his lead from Dracula, and Moriarty. I don't know exactly what he will do for reasons I will share momentarily. As for the rest, they will also crush the neutral powers as in the West, but they will not wait the year before beginning hostilities amongst themselves. Sauron's malignant gaze was felt keenly by Lord Dracula and Moriarty as it surveyed their borders. A little of my handiwork there. I expect we'll see them coordinate to check Sauron's early aggressions. No need for details when one deals in macro-machinations. And when one has a rival in the shadows." I let him consider that for a moment but he was still too aghast at my revelations to speak. Or he might have been planning his escape from the country. I wasn't sure. I didn't care.
"There is another agent out there, seemingly with the same mission I have. Perhaps hired by another government, perhaps also hired by this one. For insurance." I watched his eyes as I spoke. Nothing registered there, just the fear that held him. "I don't know who he is but he’s been careful, though less careful than me. He's called the Wicked Tinker. That's all I know except he's been busy in Europe as well. He has especially influenced Iago, though I'm not sure how much. I will make it my business to find out more about him in the future. No charge to your precious treasury for that, Minister."
I left him cowering in his office and slipped out of the ministry building unseen. I'd get word to Zander in the usual way. If I knew him, Minister X wouldn't last the night. He should have listened. I hoped my not so subtle message to Zander would make it clear to him that he needed to stop whatever leaks in his department had lead me to be questioned on secret matters of state. His secret matters of state.
(DON to BOB): By the way, old friend, we're well into the 21st Century now so you should be using the politically correct parlance of "ombudsperson", not the antiquated, inflammatory and sexist term "ombudsman". I know how much you appreciate political correctness in all your thoughts and deeds.
(BOOB to BOB): He must be kidding, are you going to take that lying down???
(WILLIAMS to BURGESS): Hey, does little Tommie Swider get TAP? Does he read it? Maybe he'll write some press, too.
(DR. BURGESS to MR. WILLIAMS): I think you should ask MR. KENT, I believe Tommie Swider still gets Eternal Sunshine, but Doug would know better. Or, I believe his gamer E-mail addres still is tomsgamer of verizon.net if you would like to contact him directly.
(FRANCE to RUSSIA): I'm guessing you had a good turn. Judging from what I heard around the table you'll be two neutrals bigger by the end of year, and no hostiles in sight. I'm not complaining, mind you... more like wishing I was so lucky. Good luck, Tsar Slossar. I hope you'll need it.
(PARIS to ROME AND VIENNA): So, did you two settle things nice-like? (Note that I said "nice-like", not "knife-like".) ((Are we back to you hanging out in the wrong part of the Riviera???)) Your domestic squabbles were the talk of the table and not a few of your neighbors had their tongues wagging over what should have been a quiet family disagreement between the two of you. Besides, I've been to Trieste. It's so totally not worth fighting over. Anyway, may peace break out between you... unless, or course, Mike needlessly ruined my game and stabbed me by moving to Piedmont. Then I hope you two are at each others' throats like white on rice.
("THE HILLS ARE ALIVE. . . WITH THE SOUNDS OF CANNOLI!"): They're calling it the pastry that launched a thousand regiments. Following an international incident in which the Austro-Hungarian Emperor declared strudel the superior pastry to cannoli, Italian armies have invaded the Tyrol region of Austria. Despite being out-numbered, a turncoat Captain in the Austro-Hungarian navy, Georg von Trapp, led a small band of Italian troops through a mountain pass to out-flank the defending armies. Now with the Austro-Hungarian troops in full retreat, Italian soldiers have been seen crossing into the Tyrol region en masse. The Emperor should have dropped the gun and taken the cannoli.
(PRINCE of DARKNESS, PART 5): My conversation with Minister X had brought to the fore the unsettling reminder of another agent afoot in Europe. There are few in my line of work, and fewer still who are better at it than me or who’ve been at it longer. The Wicked Tinker. What kind of name was that? The Wicked Tinker was a new player, or an old player with a new name. Either way I'd never heard of him. Knowledge is power and ignorance is weakness. Not knowing was bad news. From his ability to counter my influence on Iago I recognized talent; I'd had Iago ready to invade Italy's former possession of Trieste and that certainty had been thwarted by the Wicked Tinker's work. There'd been other signs of his hinderings as well. He was a risk to me and those I worked for. And not just Zander. He was an uncalculated aspect of the equation, an introduced uncertainty in a world that supported neither miscalculation or uncertainty. I needed to learn who and where he was, who he was working for, and whether or not to neutralize him.
I'd need help with the first part and had decided to visit one of my oldest sources, the Gypsy Wife. She, if anyone, could give me the lead needed. She knew things no one had a right to know and would share them for a price, a price not always calculated in gold. On the way I'd stop in on Ajowan Dushing. I owed the old dwarf a visit and a payment and it wasn't wise to keep Ajowan waiting long for either. The springtime of war in Europe would take care of itself for now. I'd start for Switzerland in the morning.


FOR THE MEKONS ET AL.: Breaking Away, Designer's Rules
THE DUE DATE FOR TURN 2 IS FEBRUARY 15, 2014!!
Turn 1
12 (replenish with a 3) Roberto Rojas
11 (replenish with a 4) Jean Van de Velde
10 (replenish with a 5) Sylvester Carmouche
9 (replenish with a 6) Ryan Leaf
8 (replenish with a 7) Moist von Lipwig, Barszczewski, Crockett
7 (replenish with a 10) Mustrum Ridcully, Bowie
6 (replenish with a 12) Arciszewski, Cwierczakiewiczowa, Travis
5 (replenish with a 15) Sam Vimes, CMOT Dibbler, Floyd Little, Houston
4 (replenish with a 19) Jim Brown, Dziewulski
3 (replenish with a 21) Ernie Davis, Haymitch Abernathy
2 (replenish with a 23) Peeta Mellark
1 (replenish with a 24) Larry Csonka, Katniss Everdeen, Effie Trinket


Addresses of the Participants - Their Team and Their Cards
TEAM 1 (Hank Alme): cobblers of gmail.com (0 points)
Team Name: Vetinari's Terriers; TEAM CAPTAIN: Sam Vimes
A: Moist von Lipwig (8) 9, 13, 7
B: Mustrum Ridcully (7) 8, 10, 10
C: Sam Vimes (5) 7, 8, 15
D: CMOT Dibbler (5) 4, 7, 15
Total Replenishments: 47 = 47
TEAM 2 (Andy Bate): andydbate of gmail.com (0 points)
Team Name: Racing Froggy
A: Jean Van de Velde (11) 14, 5, 4
B: Roberto Rojas (12) 7, 6, 3
C: Sylvester Carmouche (10) 6, 4, 5
D: Ryan Leaf (9) 4, 3, 6
Total Replenishments: 18 = 18
TEAM 3 (David Burgess): burgesscd of roadrunner.com or dburgess of glensfallshosp.org (0 points)
Team Name: Syracuse Orangemen
A: Ernie Davis (3) 3, 9, 15, 21
B: Jim Brown (4) 9, 12, 19
C: Floyd Little (5) 6, 9, 15
D: Larry Csonka (1) 6, 9, 24
Total Replenishments: 79 = 79
TEAM 4 (Rick Desper): rick_desper of yahoo.com (0 points)
Team Name: District 12
A: Katniss Everdeen (1) 4, 10, 15, 24
B: Haymitch Abernathy (3) 7, 15, 21
C: Peeta Mellark (2) 6, 12, 23
D: Effie Trinket (1) 7, 8, 24
Total Replenishments: 92 = 92
TEAM 5 (Brendan Whyte): BWHYTE of nla.gov.au (0 points)
Team Name: The Reverse Polish Notationists (a.k.a. The Unpronounceables)
A: Arciszewski (6) 9, 8, 7, 12
B: Barszczewski (8) 9, 8, 7
C: Cwierczakiewiczowa (6) 7, 7, 12
D: Dziewulski (4) 6, 6, 19
Total Replenishments: 50 = 50
TEAM 6 (Andy York): (0 points)
Team Name: Team Alamo
A: Travis (6) 11, 9, 4, 12
B: Crockett (8) 11, 6, 7
C: Bowie (7) 9, 4, 10
D: Houston (5) 6, 5, 15
Total Replenishments: 44 = 44


Game Notes:
1) The rules are on the TAP website in the Tinamou section. Ask if you have any questions. Rules at:
http://diplom.org/DipPouch/Postal/Zines/TAP/Tinamou/rules/BreakingAway.htm
Up above in parentheses is the card you played to get to where you are in the field. The replenishment card is the last card in your list. Be careful to note that the card you played (the one in parentheses) is not available for you, for next turn. Just for fun, I keep track of total replenishment, by turn, which is a rough measure of how the teams are doing. Of course, it is lining up to get across the sprint (40/80) and final (120) lines in the right places that really counts. We can calculate an "efficiency score" later, which will be the ratio of scoring points per replenishment. If I'm predicting how the future of this will come out based on doing this before, about half the players will get scores below 5% and getting better than a 10% score will be really tremendous for this measure.
2) I think this is the first time I've ever seen where the rule that if at the end of the first turn (only), any square has 5 or more cyclists on it then the square in front is treated as if were blank for card replacement purposes goes UNUSED. 5 was the only square with even four riders! Amazing!! Rick almost hit 100 in replenishments. Now we see if we can hold this huge pelaton together. Ask if you have any rules questions.
3) I'm listing everyone's full names in the riding report, usually I shorten them. But some of your names don't shorten well, and some of the full names are interesting, so we'll go with full listings. I'm noting this since Andy only gave last names for his Alamo riders, he can let me know if he wants longer names.


WHERE IN THE WORLD IS KENDO NAGASAKI
THE DUE DATE FOR TURN 1 IS FEBRUARY 15, 2014!!
So, for numbers of Kendo Nagasaki games in Eternal Sunshine why stop with two, let's go for three? It might be fun if Doug made it a requirement of subszinehood. Just kidding there, but anyway, we're joining the parade. I'd like to get more people engaged, not just the usual suspects from Doug's games. The full rules for Where in the World is Kendo Nagasaki are in: http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/es58.pdf.
Here are some highlights:
1) The basic of the object is to discover the whereabouts and identity of a mystery personality, who is lost and alone somewhere in the world with "the dark forces" closing in. You must find him (or her) before "they" do. Each turn you must set up your high-powered transmitter in a new location.
2) The hiding place for Kendo (or his proxy) is a large town or a city. It's quite likely that you've heard of it, even if you've never travelled further than 50 miles from the place you were born.
3) Each turn you move your secret transmitter to somewhere in the world. Actually it's not that secret because you tell me and then I tell all the other players where you are too.
4) Also on each turn you have to guess the name of the person. This isn't secret either because everyone gets to hear everyone else's guesses too.
5) Now comes the clever bit. Actually not that clever, and pretty contrived too, but you'll just have to live with it OK? The player whose transmitter is closest to "the person who isn't Kendo" will be informed of the fact and the mystery man will respond to the name suggested by that player. Everyone gets to hear the response, but only the closest player will know that the answer refers to his suggested name. This may help you to work out who was closest, or it may just cause you to be even more confused than you are now.
6) You win by being in the same location and guessing the name correctly, i.e. bringing Kendo (or more properly his proxy) home. On turn 10 if nobody has won, we draw the whole sorry thing to a close and the sinister conspirators win.


LAST WORD: Come to TempleCon, February 7-9, 2014 here in Providence, RI!!! This year it does NOT conflict with Super Bowl Sunday, so I hope we'll get more attendees, please consider coming!!! Check out http://www.templecon.org/14/ for more details of the venue. The TempleCon North American Grand Prix Diplomacy Tournament will again be the first of the four Nor'Easter events on the North American Diplomacy tournament circuit. Rounds will begin 6PM Friday, 9AM and 6PM Saturday, and 11AM Sunday. The ever-popular Detour scoring system will continue to be used, as well as central clock timing. Only the Sunday round will be played with time limits. Come play one round or all four! I have a crash room reserved and word on the street is that Chris Martin may be joining us. Get in touch with me and come up for one of the most entertaining venues on the Diplomacy circuit. I'm thinking about trying to set up to bid for DipCon in 2016, but I need to get a good turnout this year to set that up. This year will be an off year for Chris' Invitational Tournament, so I'm thinking that the next off year in two years would be a good target. Flying into Providence is easy and very near the venue.
LAST WORD II: I seem to still have extra space here. So, two things. First, I had to miss the final WACCon, but it sounds like it was an incredible event. We all should look forward to reports coming out shortly. I also would like to get more people (REALLY!) into the Diplomacy World Cup, so in the interest of promoting it, let me take the rest of this page to post the current winners, those with full game 100 pointer solos are qualifiers for the WDC III finals. Once there are 21 solos counting no more than 3 players on a team, the finals will start (currently there are 20 solos, but four qualifiers from the USA team, so we actually need at least two more):
AU Matthew Grayburn qual0022 100
CA Amir Gershon qual0013 100
CA Chris Brand qual0017 52
DE Markus Paeuser qual0003 100
DK Mikkel Lanzky qual0012 100
DK Thomas Jensen qual0014 100
Dixie Andy Bartalone qual0005 100
GB Brian Frew qual0021 100
GB Daniel Chiverton qual0017 2
GB Guy Thomas qual0025 100
IE Conor Kostick qual0002 100
IE Fearghal O Donnchu qual0019 100
NorEaster Allen Schweinsberg qual0016 100
NorEaster Eric Hunter qual0010 100
Pacific Brendan Hickey qual0026 100
Pacific Dan Levin qual0007 100
US B Heller qual0023 100
US Dash Yeatts-Lonske qual0004 100
US Harvey Morris qual0009 100
US Leslee A. Moore qual0024 100
ZA Eugene Burger qual0020 100
ZA Harry Parker qual0015 100


File translated from TEX by TTH, version 3.85.
On 26 Jan 2014, 17:42.