November 30, 2003

Produced by Jim Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327 USA, (401)351-0287

Accessible through Internet at burgess of (all E-Mail addresses are reported in this format, replace the " of " with "@"; if you bounce try sending to me from another account or FAX to (401) 277-9904. For Faxing, most of the time you have to call me to tell me it's coming so I can set up the FAX.
Web Page Address:

Let's see, lots of subszines inside, everything I think except Tinamou and with some help from Miller Number Custodian Tom Howell, I even have the endgame stats for Fletcher Christian!!!
This issue is dedicated to PTKSer Andy Marshall who is recovering from a heart attack suffered a couple of weeks ago. If you want to pass best wishes along to him, do so through Lisa Foster at dipsqueaky of TAP issue dedications ensure a boost of good wishes. Let Andy know. Thanks.

My insane work schedule has again caused another delay. I'm going to go with things for awhile, but I realize that these continuing delays are unacceptable. Also contributing was a mini-disc crash that lost me a few E-mails with orders that I had to re-track down. Each issue caused about a week delay. We'll send the next deadline to December 20th and then I actually WILL have time to finish the next szine around Christmas. I pushed back the after Christmas deadline one week as well.
The postal sub price is still $1.50 per issue in the US and Canada, with double that for other foreign subbers (or $3.00 per issue sent airmail). Players in current games and standbys will continue to get the issues for free, and future game starts (except for Nuclear Yuppie Evil Empire Diplomacy, which is free) cost $20.00 ($15.00 for a life of the game subscription and $5 for the NMR Insurance. Or you can play in subszines for free and just jack up the issue page count. See the revised game start announcements below!
Check out the connections in the Diplomatic Pouch with all of the information you need to play Diplomacy on the Internet at:
I also have taken over the Postal portion of the Pouch:
and TAP on the web is there at:
where the szine resides in html format. Presently, issues from #190 to the current issue are there, and I will be updating the back issues gradually someday. Also, check out Stephen Agar's more extensive efforts at: and
David Wang still has the HIGHLY prized name:!! BUT, the site has not been updated in recent times. If you want to follow me and others in John Caruso's Baseball League, THE place to follow the league now is DICKIE-P Martin's website: where in the "files" section, "baseball" sub-section, you can see all of the individual and team level stats. Use the Telnet button in the upper left corner, that's the easiest way to do it these days. You need to sign up as a "member" to see all of the files. You, too, can chat with John Caruso there, especially on Saturday and Sunday mornings. Really, you can. John's E-Mail address also is commishjohn of if you want to send him E-Mail after all that. John still at least one opening, you can start RIGHT NOW to play next year! Milwaukee won the World Series, something that can NEVER happen in real life. It isn't like a regular fantasy league, it's completely unique. We're just now about to spring out and start bidding on free agents, one of the most fun times of the year. Will I realize my dream of signing Ken Griffey, Jr. this time? No, probably not.... Contact John at commishjohn of if you're interested in joining us or ask me for more details, this REALLY IS THE most fun thing I do in the hobby at the moment, find out why!!!
Peter Sullivan's subszine remains "in stasis", although all the back issues can be accessed via :
Peter was saying that he would be unlikely to be starting any new games in the Octopus until "at least the start of 2002." He is now hereby declared to be in official indeterminate stasis and that date is now a "whenever". In the meantime, Rip Gooch and Dave Partridge are picking up the choo-choo game slack in TAP. Contact Rip at xyropedes of or Dave at rebhuhn of for more info.
By electronic mail, through the Internet, subs are free and can be obtained automatically by sending the message: subscribe tap
to majordomo of and messages can be sent to the entire electronic mailing list by mailing them to tap of which will forward your message to all of the people currently on the list. The message:
unsubscribe tap
sent to majordomo of gets you off the list. Please make careful note of that as well since you generally can get yourself off the list a lot easier than I can, and NOBODY likes to see unsubscribe messages sent to the entire list. A big, big thank you for David Kovar for setting this all up!!

It's time to start another one of these, and someone asked me recently, does anyone know where Steve Heinowski is? He probably still lives in the same house in Ohio where he always lived, but you HAVE to get him to write a letter to me to win. You're nuts if you think ***I*** will tell you what I think that address might be. Steve always was a bit slow on the technological uptake, so he probably doesn't have E-Mail. But that should be a good challenge. You have until issue #280 to find him for the fifty buck prize. This makes TWO missing ex-Boardman Number Custodians that we're trying to find. I've heard that letters have been written, but I've heard nothing from Steve myself yet.
Feel free to spend the time looking for some of the backlog. Let's get Ed, Tom, Bill, Gregory, and ESPECIALLY Kevin found too!!! This is a regular continuing feature of the szine and I will be introducing a new "search for" every five issues. Moreover, you can win a $25 prize for finding some previous target who went unfound in the original $50 period. That means that if Ed Henry or Tom Hurst or Bill Quinn or Gregory Stewart or Kevin Tighe is "found" from now on it is worth $25.
Winners will receive credit for Dip hobby activities that I will pay out as requested by the winner. Subscribe to szines here or abroad, run your own contests, publish a szine, finance a web page, GO TO A DIPLOMACY CONVENTION or whatever. Spend it all right away or use me as a bank to cover hobby activities for years. What must you do to win? Get me a letter to the editor for TAP from the person we're searching for.
This is very important, just finding them doesn't do it. They have to write me a letter. The final judge as to the winner of any contest will be the target himself and I reserve the right to investigate the winning entry. When you find someone I'm looking for, you should ask him to send me a letter for print that includes a verification of who "found" him.

The British representative is the editor of Mission From God, John Harrington. John may be contacted at 1 Churchbury Close, Enfield, Middlesex EN1 3UW, UK.
E-Mail: fiendish of, John.Harrington of
Please include the full name and address of the foreign publisher with your order, if possible, as well as the szine title. Make your check in US dollars out to me personally or in GBP to John if you're doing things from that end. I will conduct business for Canadians as well, if I can, but prefer to deal in US dollars with them if possible, or Canadian dollars cash. To subscribe to American szines, the system works in reverse.
We have added a European continental representative, most of this traffic likely will occur between Ronald Camstra (in the Netherlands) and John Harrington, but if anyone here in the US wants to get money into Euros, we'll try to help you out. Ronald Camstra can be contacted at siedler of and his home address is: Wielingenplein 48, 3522 PE Utrecht, the Netherlands. But in Holland it is most common not to send checks but to transfer money by bank. Dutch people can pay directly to Postbankaccount 4652247 of Ronald Camstra in Utrecht. Since he can see the name and address of the sender in his bankreceipt, people only have to mention the name of the zine and the editorial address along with their bank order. Ronald is obviously a huge Settlers of Catan fan. If you're interested in playing that game internationally by mail, I think Ronald can help you out.
We also have reopened a branch office of the International Subscription Exchange in Australia!! Brendan Whyte, the publisher of the excellent szine Damn the Consequences will be doing the honors, taking over in some sense from John Cain, who was the Australian rep for many years. You can contact Brendan to sub to Australian szines from the US or to sub to US szines from Australia, converting Australian dollars into American ones. We are now maneuvering deals to Europe from the other reps as well. You can find Brendan Whyte at bwhyte of (note that this is a new E-Mail address for Brendan) or by mail to send checks at: Geography Dept., University of Melbourne, Vic 3010, AUSTRALIA. This should help out my Australian subbers!!

WorldMasters 2002 Email Diplomacy Tournament First Round has ended and Round 2 is well underway.
See for full details. Since I didn't get sufficient interest to get a team in, I am back on the WorldMasters Tournament Management Committee again.

DIPDOM NEWS SECTION (with letters)
Obscure and not-so-obscure ramblings on the state of the hobby and its publications, custodians, events, and individuals with no guarantee of relevance from the fertile keyboard of Jim-Bob, the E-Mail Dip world, and the rest of the postal hobby. My comments are in italics and ((double quotation marks)) like this. Bold face is used to set off each individual speaker. I should also make a note that I do edit for syntax and spelling on occasion.
The game Diplomacy is a copyrighted product owned by Hasbro and all reproductions or other use of that material in this szine is intended to be personal use and not infringe on those rights in any way. All reproductions are done at a heavy financial loss to the editor and thus are without the remotest possibility of commercial intent, except to promote THE game, the Game of Diplomacy, which you all should purchase from Hasbro or other duly licensed distributors.
In what I believe is a RECENT change, Hasbro also has been putting the rules to Diplomacy up on their web page along with rules for most of their other games. Not only that, but they have the "current" as well as an older version of the rules there. Stephen Agar has matched that and more with some of the even older rulebooks. Check these out if you like:
Nice of them to make BOTH of these available. And all seven different US rulebooks for Diplomacy can now be found here courtesy of Stephen Agar (relatively new address for this):

Check out back issues of Diplomacy World -
As we tried to get together last Fall's issue, it became clear to all of us that the current editorial structure has failed. The new issue is almost put together, but needs a new lead editor. Stephen is backing away, I'm not at all prepared to go it alone, and certainly Dave Partridge isn't ready to take it over. But the framework is there. Rather than publish a substandard issue of what we have, let's declare failure and see if anyone cares enough to step forward as lead editor. It probably doesn't help that the new lead editor for the Diplomatic Pouch, Edward Hawthorne, has ten times my hobby energy and is running around like a vacuum cleaner scooping up all the writers (even me, I'm writing for him first, he's SO persuasive!) for the expanded and back on schedule Pouch. I do think there is more than enough room for both, especially since the Diplomatic Pouch is ONLY available on the Web, but if someone else doesn't think so, then so be it. I've heard almost nothing on this lately, so it is getting close to going away, but who knows, someone may get frisky. Nothing new yet.

Mike Barno (Tue, 11 Nov 2003 19:33:24 -0500)
I'm delayed by the death of my Subaru engine at 207K miles. Gonna buy a newer Soobie, an Impreza (probably an Outback Sport version). Hopefully not get the last year out of a car and have it die going to or returning from a games con. Sigh. Last Thanxgvg this car was my fourth or fifth car to suffer that fate. Groan.
- Mike, mpbarno of
((Hey, but your games con car stories are SOOOO much fun to know and tell. We all keep hoping that you'll have many more of them. Gosh, I hope Subaru engines in the new class don't die at 207K all the time as my car is about 1000 miles from that level. I was thinking it would go 300K easy.))

Tell me anything you like about the recent past in music. List a top two, a top ten, or a top 100, I don't care, just tell me something!!

Mark Nelson (Fri, 7 Nov 2003 19:18:44)
Dear Jim,
Don't know if you've seen this... if not I thought that the TAP readership and yourself might find it... interesting.,10607,1068609,00.html
Cheers, Mark. mnelson of
((Yeah, I found it WEIRDLY fascinating - it's their list of the top 40 American bands/recording acts today. It was the oddest mix of wacky groups like DFA and Kings of Leon, standards like REM, Tom Waits, and the Red Hot Chili Peppers; and then Dolly Parton at number 12 and Justin Timberlake at number 8?? After that Number 7 on up is dominated by the black artists (none of whom overwhelm me) like the Neptunes, Timbaland, and OutKast balanced almost precisely with the white wannabes (who I like even less) Eminem and the White Stripes. But then, the number one band I barely know, but keep being reminded that I need to seriously check out, since I know I'd love them. And that would be the Flaming Lips! Right now I just have one album of theirs that I keep listening to and not being able to decide what I think of it. Gee, though, while I'm sure that reviewer Alexis Petridis and the other Guardian reviewers really worked hard on this, I am pressed to agree with a commenter who said, "This list strikes me as completely arbitrary. Who are you to say that Steve Earle's "sound" scores 9 out of a possible 20, while Britney Spears' producers score 20 out of 20? Aren't you comparing chalk with cheese?" Still, Petridis clearly agrees with me that the current state of pop music today is basically a disaster, which is why groups like Kings of Leon and the Flaming Lips end up so high. These groups which are absolutely NOTHING alike, both reject any direct connection to "today". As I said, I don't know what quite to make of Flaming Lips and Kings of Leon actually make rock music that kicks.))
((Of course, I found the accompanying list of the 40 greatest British bands/recording acts even more interesting. Selfish Cunt actually makes the list as they claim this group is more than just a novelty. Well, perhaps. I also was a bit surprised since I think of myself as fairly up on British bands and fairly down on American ones, but I did know more groups on the American list. Beth Gibbons only comes in at number 19, despite the fact that I think she is heavenly (you of course HAVE picked up her relatively new solo record "Out of Season" which is my interpretation of what you have to do to make great music these days - be out of step with the "season"). But I am glad that Blur makes the list at number 6, the Prisoner number. And of course PJ Harvey and Radiohead are at Numbers 3 and 2 respectively. They aren't my favorites, but they make compelling music. The Libertines are Number 1 and I'm barely familiar with them except for their negative headlines. And of course the Mekons don't make the list, so that automatically makes the list crap. But it was interesting. Thanks for coming up out of nowhere, Mark!))

Steve Langley (Tue, 11 Nov 2003 13:13:04 EST)
"Matrix Revolutions" === a movie
If you have not seen the `Matrix' films the story will not make much sense. Come to think on it, if you have seen the `Matrix' films the story will not make much sense.
There is almost the same cast. There are some really impressive computer effects. What happened to the story? The story that started in the Matrix and was more fully developed in Matrix Reloaded wasn't carried into Revolutions. Instead there was a whole slug of unexplained Neo superpowers, a small separate computer world that was not in the Matrix but was connected to it (?), an ending that was such a let down that I found it hard to believe that the scripts were all written by the same people.
This was so much less than I was expecting.
Small note: The power suits worn by the humans would have made a lot more sense if they covered the humans with a little armor. Okay, so maybe they were meant for some other task and were adapted. The adaptation consisted of twin high powered machine guns with autoloader mechanism, how hard would it have been to add some protection for the drivers, too? Not as graphically interesting I suppose.
Steve, steflan of
((I really enjoyed the first Matrix movie, but nearly instantaneously lost interest in seeing sequels. And the trailers just accentuated that. I might see this movie, I might not. Somehow I don't think it will matter.))

Steve Langley (Tue, 11 Nov 2003 13:03:03 EST)
"In the Cut" === a movie
The movie is an adaptation of a book that is a modern romance novel cross over with suspense mystery. There is a lot of sex. There is actual sex, potential sex, imaginary sex, conversational sex, and a bit of stalking (two stalkers, no waiting), and a serial killer with an engagement ring signature.
Despite the above, there was also some excellent acting. Meg Ryan has grown beyond the giddy / spunky / perky blonde roles of her early career. She plays "Frannie Thorstin", a teacher of writing who witnesses part of a crime. Frannie is attractive, frustrated in her career and private life, not very outgoing and a lover of words and poetry. Jennifer Jason Leigh plays "Pauline", Frannie's sister who has been having an affair with her doctor, has been stalking him, and now has a court restraining order. Pauline is Frannie's opposite in almost every way. Mark Ruffalo plays "Guillarmo Malloy" a police detective looking for a serial killer. He pulls Frannie into an immediate sexual relationship. She is powerfully attracted to him and afraid of him. Kevin Bacon plays "John Graham", Frannie's stalker. Sharrieff Pugh plays "Cornelius Webb", Frannie's student. She is tutoring him outside of the classroom because she sees potential. He thinks she wants to go to bed with him. And so it goes.
Fairly complex plot, with, obviously, lots of subplot. Not a lot of exposition, but still there is a lot that happens, very graphically, very darkly. The movie was lots better than it might have been.
Steve, steflan of

Steve Langley (Thu, 30 Oct 2003 19:44:29 EST)
"Runaway Jury" === a movie
John Grisham has had a lot of success with his books being converted into films. In all cases except one, the movie has been an improvement. A movie has to tighten things up, select subplots to be dropped, simplify plots, rewrite endings, et al, to some degree. Sometimes the book is lost in the revision. Sometimes it is improved. With "Runaway Jury" neither happened. The basic story is still right there. The villain was changed from Tobacco to Guns, but it is still a story about big business protecting its right to do business as usual without having to worry about the death its products generate.
When the book was written Tobacco had never lost a court case. Once that changed, a new villain was necessary. I find it interesting that Guns made the cut. Interesting in that Hollywood relies on guns in most of its action flics. Hollywood appears to be pretty pro-gun. Oh well.
Gene Hackman plays "Rankin Fitch" the big business jury manipulator. Verdicts are too important to leave up to juries.", sums up his philosophy. His was the best role in the movie.
John Cusack plays "Nick Easter" the young idealist who has been working for years to get onto a jury in a gun suit. He is does a lot of manipulating, some of which left me wondering why the writers and the director thought his tricks would work.
Rachel Weisz plays "Marlee", Nick's girlfriend and outside contact.
There is a scene early in the movie between the two of them that makes no sense in the context of the rest of the story as shown. As I said, the transition from book to film didn't really go that well. I really prefer the ending in the book. The movie ads promise a surprise ending. I'm not sure why. There is no surprise. It all falls out perfectly logically, pretty much the way Grisham wrote it. The movie simplified the Grisham ending but they didn't really change it.
Steve, steflan of
((I haven't seen this yet (though I intend to), but I think that answer is obvious. They were speaking to the people who HAD read the book, to them the ending was supposed to be a surprise, because it was different. This is all SOOOOO much marketing, and not about the experience, which is what counts. One just has to work to avoid cutting off one's nose to spite one's face regarding this sort of thing, at least that's what I do.))

Steve Langley (Sun, 12 Oct 2003 05:48:16 EDT)
"Kill Bill: Vol. 1" === a movie
Quentin Tarantino has been watching all sorts of movies all of his life. He loves them. He also has a touch for dialogue. Good combination to put together "Kill Bill.'.
The movie is all about Samurai and revenge. Great action. Uma Thurman is very impressive. The story is something of a mystery. Strange things happened. Thurman's wedding was interrupted by the rest of the assassination squad (all with code names for poisenous snakes) she belonged to. They killed the entire wedding party, and beat her senseless, and then shot her in the head. Instead of dying she went into a coma. Four years later she woke up, and started looking up her old friends.
This was only "Volume 1" so much of the story has yet to be told. I have faith that it will make more sense when the rest of it comes out.
The Lucy Liu (O-Ren Ishi/Cottonmouth) origin story was done in Japanese Anime. The action includes lots of limbs chopped off and decapitations, and great sprays of blood. Not terribly realistic, but very true to the movies that inspired "Kill Bill". I look forward to "Volume 2.".
Steve, steflan of

Steve Langley (Sun, 12 Oct 2003 05:23:41 EDT)
"Out of Time" === a movie
This is a suspense mystery that was not very mysterious and not at all suspenseful.
Denzel Washington as Police Chief Matt Whitlock does as good a job as possible with the material at hand. He is lucky in that John Billingsley as his friend and medical examiner, Chae, manages to bring life and humour to the movie. The relationship between them is the only part of the movie that really works.
Maybe if I had not been warned by the TV trailers that this was a surprise twist plot I might have enjoyed the story more. Maybe not. The surprise twists were really pretty obvious.
Steve, steflan of
((Yup, I pretty much put this one aside as I know what you're talking about just from the previews, which I've seen 100 times!))

Steve Langley (Mon, 17 Nov 2003 16:53:50 -0800)
Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World === a movie
`Master and Commander' is the promotional title for the body of work by Patrick O'Brien. There is a series of twenty novels ((Actually, I'm pretty sure that there are more than 25, and this is adapted from number 10.)) that take `Jack Aubrey' and `Stephen Maturin' through the Napoleonic age. `The Far Side of the World' is the ninth book in the series. ((I'm almost positive it is the tenth...)) `Jack Aubrey' played by Russell Crowe, is the captain of HMS Surprise. His orders are to interdict a French privateer working off the coast of Brazil by sinking, burning, or taking it as a prize. In the opening moments of the movie the Surprise is surprised. The privateer appears suddenly out of a bank of fog, guns blazing. Surprise is left badly damaged, and Aubrey is left knowing that the French ship is faster, has more guns with longer range, and can take more of a beating than Surprise, and that the French captain is every bit his equal as a seaman. Naturally, he takes up the pursuit.
There is a board game called `Wooden Ships and Iron Men'. This is a movie about wooden ships and human men. It shows a lot of very authentic looking detail in ship life, handling and repair. It shows a lot of the human side of the people on the ship at every level from officer to seaman. The entire story follows the Surprise. The illusive privateer only appears distantly, and is only ever seen from the decks of the Surprise. About the only exception is when Maturin, played by Paul Bettany, ship's surgeon and a naturalist, takes a specimen gathering stroll across one of the Galapagos. Maturin is the complement to Aubrey. Both men are larger than life. Aubrey is charismatic and heroic. Maturin is intellectual and equally heroic. They are sometimes at odds but are good friends. The entire twenty books develops their joint stories. `Far Side of the World' is only a slice, but it is a very nice slice.
Steve, steflan of
((As someone who is a bit of an in-between fan of the books - I've read about five or six of them, but not the one on which this is based - I have sort of a different take on this that understands some of the bigger difficulties that big fans have with the movie, I think. First of all, let me make a few factual points. The Far Side of the World is supposed to be set in the War of 1812. Most of the books about the Napoleonic Wars are set in the Mediterranean where Aubrey is working back and forth between Malta and Gibraltar against French ships sailing from Marseilles. Aubrey's prey, then, is of course supposed to be an American ship in this setting. You'll all recall that Napoleon was doing things like selling off the Louisiana Purchase and convincing Spain and Portugal to be less interested in South America. French ships generally weren't sailing around the tip of South America and there weren't any important French shipping lanes there. Also, without being "constricted" in an area like the Gulf of Lyon, there wasn't enough traffic and commerce to have spies and find ships as easily as is done here (by both Commanders). All that being said, you'll all immediately realize that making a movie with the Americans as the bad guys wasn't going to play in Peoria. And the aforementioned Galapagos expedition obviously was a particular highlight of this book and matched the "west coast of the Americas" shooting schedule and locations. So, if you're going to start what you hope will be a series of films, you want the first one to be a big hit. Then, once you have a following, you might be able to get away with Americans as bad guys, might.... that one might still be off-limits.))
((Then, let me address the novels. O'Brien's novels have a number of salient characteristics. The nautical vocabulary is immense and detailed. Aubrey and his crew is giving lessons on every level from tactics to obscure devices. No one minds that this is mostly skipped in this flick. The depth and richness of the political intrigue and history is likely a characteristic that would appeal to many of you - this also is a key way that you get into the relationship between Aubrey and Maturin. Obviously, the history that was contained in this particular book had to be dropped (after all, that was about the War of 1812 between America and Britain). But the opportunity was taken to eliminate it almost entirely. Some of what little dialogue like that in the movie was recognizable to me, so it came from a book that I have read, though I couldn't quite place it. This all was replaced with an excuse for musical interludes, with Aubrey and Maturin doing duets (Russell Crowe was not especially believable doing this, though he IS a musician, as I'm sure most of you know). It was a bit more surprising that they didn't set any of the movie on land, though again, perhaps this was a money/budget situation that they hope to rectify after a successful start to a franchise. But, in the novels, there are women and parties, and well, that all fits in with the political intrigue. I would have expected to see more of that. Expect a "back to the beginning" with the original novel "Master and Commander" to be the subject of the next movie, which is rich in that sort of thing. And lastly, the one thing that they DID recreate faithfully, if borrowing from books other than the one this was nominally covering, was the inventiveness of Jack Aubrey's battle tactics.))
((All this being said, and I understand the BIG fans don't do this and are just angry, this was just a wonderful movie. Lots of action, character depth, and visually stunning, it was one of the delights of the year so far to see. I thought the balance of realism and gore to movie sensibility was cut just right. Paul Bettany and the other actors really did a wonderful job. I would rate Russell Crowe's performance a bit lower, but since he is so good, average for him was excellent for this movie. I've seen the ship that was used for the full scale scenes, since it used to be based here in Rhode Island, and it was PERFECT for what they needed here. You've mostly heard that they used the Titanic set off Baja for most of the water scenes, and then also filmed in the Galapagos. If you see only a few movies this year, I'd make this one of them, but I do hope that they do "something" with future movies in this new franchise to expand their sensibilities a bit. If they do that, and keep what they have here, I could easily see having sequels that exceed the original.))

Steve Langley (Thu, 27 Nov 2003 17:01:46 -0800)
"Looney Tunes: Back in Action" === a movie
This was a lot of fun. "D J Drake" (Brendan Fraser) is a part time security guard and stunt person. He did all of the Brendan Fraser stunts in "The Mummy" for instance. "Kate" (Jenna Elfman) is a vice president of comedy for Warner Brothers. She is trying to bring the WB star Bugs Bunny into the 21st Century. She starts by firing Daffy Duck. DJ is ordered to remove Daffy from the movie lot. The duck eludes him, and Kate fires DJ too.
DJ and Duck join forces after discovering that DJ's dad, Damien Drake (Timothy Dalton), the actor who plays a super spy, is actually a super spy whose cover is being an actor playing a super spy. Damien Drake has been captured by the Chairman (Steve Martin) and is being tortured (cartoon style) to get him to reveal the location of a magical gem called The Pink Panth. oops, wrong gem, the Blue Monkey. The Blue Monkey is said to have the power to change normal humans into cartoon humans and vice versa. With it the Chairman plans to enslave the cartoon humans and get them to produce lots of Acme products which he will then sell to the normal humans after switching them back from their cartoon state. Diabolically fiendish.
Turns out Bugs can't work without Daffy as his foil. Kate is almost fired, but she staves off unemployment by promising to bring back the Duck. She heads out in pursuit of DJ and Daffy, who are trying to rescue DJ's dad, and grab the diamond (separate agendas as it were).
Except that I never really got the feeling that Jenna Elfman was doing anything more than phoning it in, this was really a good flic. Steve Martin was so over the top as the evil Chairman of the Acme Corporation that he was more of a cartoon than many of his agents. Brendan Fraser was always on, making the most out of his interaction with cartoon characters (not an easy task considering that he was actually working with empty space to be drawn in later). Even Timothy Dalton's lampoon of his 007 roles was brilliant. Too bad Elfman wasn't there too.
Steve, steflan of

Steve Langley (Wed, 26 Nov 2003 16:54:35 -0800)
"Gothika" === a movie
From the trailers I pretty much knew that this was a paranormal story. It starts with Dr. Miranda Grey (Halle Berry) as a clinical psychologist in the mental ward of a prison. She works with the criminally insane. She appears to have a loving relationship with her husband, a friendly relationship with the staff, and a caring relationship with her patients. Nice person, very logical. Miranda's husband (Charles Dutton) is the hospital administrator. On her way home from work she takes a detour road that leads her into a near accident. As it is, she drives her car into a ditch. She tries to determine if the young girl she almost hit is all right when things go up in flames. Three days later she wakes up in the prison hospital, having brutally killed her husband. There was no explaination given as to how she became a ward of the prison hospital. There was hardly enough time for a trial, and she was comatose for most of the three days.
This could have been a really interesting movie had the premise taken a completely different direction from the one it took. Essentially `the devil made me do it' was why she killed her husband. It turned out he was a sadistic serial killer on the side and the ghost of one of his victims possessed Miranda. Now I sort of wondered why a trained psychologist who specialized in the criminally insane hadn't picked up on her husband's mental state.
This could have been a story about a psychologist who had picked up on the clues that a sociopath can't help but leave, and who was made to seem insane as a way to keep her quiet, while arranging to torture her on the side. If it had been, it could have been a very scary movie. As it was, not so scary. It came off more like a failed pilot for a TV series than a thriller movie.
Steve, steflan of

Warren Goesle (Mon, 17 Nov 2003 18:56:21 -0600)
Finally Carol (and Nathan) and I are making the move to be together, and this time it's to a permanent address. As of 1 December, ignore all other addresses and send mail to the following please:
Warren Goesle, 40W393 Edna St. Vincent Millay St., St. Charles, IL 60175
I've tried to figure out how to abbreviate that, and I haven't. Sorry.
((Yay, congratulations, Goz!))

Rick Desper (Mon, 17 Nov 2003 11:50:07 -0800 (PST))
I think the Walker trade is definitely good for the Celtics, and might help the Mavs this year.
I really don't follow the NBA that closely until March Madness is over. Right now I'm watching the NFL. I know you don't follow it closely, but the Pats are probably going to finish with their best record ever. They are 8-2 and I think that should lose at most 2 games down the stretch. It's fun to watch a team that is coached as well as this.
I'll send you something about the Matrix later.
Rick, rick_desper of
((I'm not shocked, or perhaps even surprised, but I think the Walker deal is going ot be one of those classics that helps both teams, especially after Raef recovers from his injured knee. I'm very engaged... should be good basketball all around as the local teams in College (Providence, URI, and Brown) all have interesting teams too. But the Celtics will be somewhat painful to watch at times in the short run. And don't discount Jiri Welsch who they picked up in that deal. I think the Celtics imagine a really good starting lineup someday with LaFrentz, Baker, Welsch, Pierce, and Banks. But it isn't that good yet until Welsch and Banks mature. The question is can they do it before Baker really does get over the fountain of youth that he's found.))

John Caruso (Sun, 09 Nov 2003 13:00:120
Read your zine. How come you didn't tell everyone that The Wimp, picked Fla back in Aug when they were fighting to get the playoff spot and then Lowell got hurt. And they still won it and the playoffs. Give credit where credit is due.
((John Caruso, THE WIMP, nailed it cold where I did not. He figured out that the Marlins were going places LONG before I did. I didn't figure it out until they beat the Cubs, though I should have figured it out when they beat my Giants!))
Looking over Fla - good young pitching, speed, defense, a good C and some underrated players. But you can't overlook the C, Pudge Rodriguez. His game calling is what made the difference.
((That's for darned sure, plus his clutch hitting.))
As for the other things you commented on in your zine-I like the wild card format. If they win the series, they deserve it. Its no easy task winning when you have no homefield advantage. Though it's not basketball or football, being home team is an advantage. Just ask Col, or Mon.
If Fla keeps their team together, they could be around for a while. Don't forget, they played all year without their ace-AJ Burnett. Take Lowe away from Bos, or maybe even Pedro. Do they make the wild card without Pedro?
((Next year, I would say they would, with Schilling. But that happened after your note. Schilling, of course, is an avid games player, including Diplomacy. Back in 1999, he said, "Playing classic strategy games like Advanced Squad Leader and Diplomacy has helped me learn to focus, made me more competitive and enhanced my ability to fully prepare for a game, which is essential to my professional career," said Schilling. "Iíve been playing games since I was young. Classic strategy games like Advanced Squad Leader and Diplomacy have helped me approach batters differently and more strategically," said Schilling.))
As for the Yankees, unfortunately, it will take a while before they don't make the playoffs. Posada, Williams, Jeter, Johnson, Giambi are a nice core. Soriano, but he is probably expendable if they get a 2b in the offseason. Pitching has Rivera, Pettitte, Mussina, Contreras. That's a long term solid team.
The Braves can't go away quick enough for me. They are cheaping out in payroll and still hang around. That's how good they are. And each year we hear how they are struggling, with the best record in the NL. Yeah, they struggle to put together more than 2-8 game winning streaks a year. When they let Maddux go, they will no longer make the playoffs. They will make an effort to get Millwood back, but since they've been cheaping out lately, they'll lose Maddux and probably not get Millwood. Plus Sheffield is likely to go elsewhere. Their other core players aren't as good or as numerous as the Yankees, so they will fall from the playoff picture quicker-maybe this year.
So Bernie Oaklyn/Buddy Tretick is around and well. Sorry to hear of his experiences-floods, trees, rearends. You see, I do read some of your zine.
Movie reviews- "Pirates" was the best movie I saw all year, and I've seen many of them. "Nemo" is the only other one that stands out as being in its overall class. "Tuscan Sun", by far the best chick flick. And if you're into horror, "Creepers 2", tho I didn't neccessarily think it was a good picture. I'm sure horror enthusists loved it. Like they loved Freddie vs Jason. Again, it was entertaining, but hardly a good flick. "T-3" was a dud in my book.
Always good to hear from you Jim. John, commishjohn of

Mark D Lew (Tue, 25 Nov 2003 01:13:01 -0800)
Responding to: "The A's are sending Ramon and T. Long to the Padres for outfielder Mark Kotsay. Plus, they traded Ted Lilly to the Blue Jays for outfielder Bobby Kielty; they get cash or another player later."
Wow. I'll have to read the website to get the details. It's been about two weeks since I checked in. I expect to stay an A's fan for as long as Billy Beane is with the team. After that, we'll see.
Funny about Kotsay and Kielty. During the 2002 season, when I was following closely, one of the topics that came up with the post-game show crowd was regarding trades. At the time, the team needed a hitter and a center fielder. A lot of the casual fans have stupid ideas about trading - suggesting big star names who aren't available and couldn't be afforded even if they were - but to the fans who understood how trading really works and how the A's organization works, the question was posed about who we thought the A's could/should/would go after. The host of the show proposed Mark Kotsay, whom I was unfamiliar with because he was in the NL. I proposed Kielty, who at the time was going to waste platooning in Minnesota because they already had such a full outfield.
Kotsay and Kielty are both Ä's-style" hitters. High OBP, patient, etc. I don't know when Kielty moved from the Twins to the Jays. ((It was a trade deadline deal last year.))
Trading T Long was a foregone conclusion. Even before he publicly requested it, it was clear that he wasn't fitting well with the team. His personality has always made him a bit of an outsider in the club house - quiet, soft-spoken country boy, conservative in the non-political sense. On the field, he was an experiment. Someone thought he could be a patient-hitting center-fielder, but the former was only half successful and the latter was a failure. In retrospect it looks like Howe had a lot to do with the team staying interested in T Long. It was when Macha took over that Long started to get pushed aside.
The A's cardinal rule in trading is that when someone is more valuable elsewhere than he is here, you move him. Long is still talented, but his talent was going to waste here, so he needed to move. The only obstacle was that his salary didn't make him a great buy for another team, but I guess they found a buyer. I think he'll do better in the NL. Long has the potential to be a great stealer, but the A's never pursued really pursued that. My guess is the Padres leave him in LF but convert him to a big-swinging lead-off hitter in the style of Alfonso Soriano. ((I agree with that latter point. The Padres are willing to spend a little extra money as they move into their new stadium. Don't be shocked if they get in the Nomar Garciaparra sweepstakes if Nomar reacts poorly to the overtures for contract extensions that the Red Sox will be making to him next week.))
Trading Ramon surprises and saddens me. Perhaps it's connected to the Rick Peterson move. Peterson is our pitching coach, who was recently allowed to join the Mets (with Howe). The A's didn't have to let Peterson go, and the general impression was that it was done as a personal favor to Peterson who had family reasons to want to be in New York. A's are big on being good about personal needs, and presumably they got some sort of compensation from the Mets to make it worthwhile. With Ramon going, too, the question is whether this will be a departure from the large-scale strategy on pitching which has served the team so well, or if it's just a changing of the guard and the philosophy is still in place. Peterson was not the only pitch-wonk in the organization; surely there must be someone in the minor leagues who is helping to produce all those great pitchers.
Ditto for the catcher position. I have no idea who they have in mind to replace Ramon. Melhuse has been solid as back-up, but I don't think he's the starter of the future. I'll bet they've got someone in mind in the minors - probably someone well-trained in calling games and prepping with the pitchers like Ramon was. This could be part of a general plan to prepare for the post-Mulder-Hudson-Zito era. A's are always planning ahead, and the new guard of pitchers are beginning to come up now. Harden will be a starter this year, and with Lilly gone, Duchscherer might well be on the team as well. ((I think you're wrong about that, I think they DO have Melhuse in mind for the position. Time will tell, of course. But Ramon went with the Beane philosophy as you just espoused it. He became worth more as trade bait than he was to the A's. Maybe Kotsay is THAT much of a real find. It wouldn't shock me if Beane was right that he is ready to have a real breakout season.))
Trading Lilly for Kielty is interesting. Blue Jays and A's are practically business partners, in the way they move players back and forth. Toronto GM Ricciardi was trained by Billy Beane and they tend to think alike. If they made this move, it means that they both like both players but they agree that Lilly is worth more to Toronto than he is to Oakland and Kielty is worth more to Oakland than he is to Toronto. Thus they made the deal to maximize overall efficiency of both teams, with the cash to balance out the difference. ((Absolutely right, and Lilly was going to be the fifth starter for the A's, but the third starter for the Blue Jays.))
Later: A's website says the deal with the Padres is pending medical checks on Kotsay, so it's not final yet. I see that the Padres are prepared to take over Long's entire $8 million contract. Given that Oakland doesn't want to play Long anymore anyway, they'd probably be happy to unload him for nothing. My guess is that Hernandez is what the Padres really want, and their willingness to take Long in the deal is more like a concession than an additional demand. ((It is NOW final.... and yes, the Padres have more money to spend, but not THAT much more money.))
If someone wanted to take over Jermaine Dye's contract, I bet we'd unload him, too. Not that the A's won't play Dye - indeed, I think they'll build the whole lineup around him in 04 - but he's definitely overpaid. If we could have the money back and start over with cheaper guys, I'm sure we would.
ubs, markdlew of

Rick Desper (Wed, 26 Nov 2003 11:39:57 -0800 (PST))
Subject: Re: 21 grams
Very positive buzz for this film. Apparently Naomi Watts is fantastic. ((You Naomi Watts fan you..... yes, I'm one too. I mean to see this movie this weekend.))
Can the Sox really trade Manny for ARod? Will they get Schilling? If they get ARod, will they trade Nomar? Will they get Foulke to close? If yes, will Kim stick around as a starter, or did his antics in the playoffs doom him in Boston? The team could look very different next year.
((I like the idea that the team will look different. The Boston Globe (Gordon Edes) says its a domino thing.... that they will make the deal with Schilling and get Foulke to agree to the deal. THEN, if they do that, their salaries are too high and they trade Manny for ARod and then trade Nomar off to the West Coast for prospects, with the possibility that those two deals are linked in a three way so that it can't be announced until they are sure they are getting Schilling and Foulke. They've already told Kim to do his winter work to prepare to be the fifth starter (Wakefield, Martinez and Lowe being the other three after Schilling). Apparently the braintrust really DOES still like Kim (though I have heard some rumblings that he might be on the trading block in this "cost saving case" along with Damon). I approve and am excited about these moves, not least of which that Schilling is a Diplomacy player so that we can invite him to our FTF gatherings.))
Invite Naomi Watts while you're at it! ((Somehow my wife doesn't share my fascination with Naomi, she keeps calling her a cheap Nicole Kidman knockoff with blonde hair. She even made me turn off her interview with Jay Leno the other night at the first commercial break! Somehow I haven't gotten Charlotte to come with me to see 21 grams yet either. But I will, I'll find some other way to sell it. Then if I can just stop her from wanting to walk out....))
I've thought many a time of inviting the President, the Speaker of the House, the Secretary of State, the Secretary of Defense, and similar people to PTKS meetings. :)
Rick, rick_desper of

Mike Barno (Tue, 11 Nov 2003 19:15:26 -0500)
On the blog, I saw these tongue-in-cheek examples of "security holes in Linux which do not occur in Windows":
* Linux is more stable, thereby giving crackers more time to break passwords.
* By not fixing things, Microsoft Windows causes crackers to become lazy and slothful, so when a patch does arrive, the cracker won't be expecting it.
* Many Linux distros use MD5 hashing for passwords, which is much slower than just storing in plain text, making it possible to run a denial-of-service against a Linux box.
* By renaming COMMAND.COM to CMD.EXE, Windows is secure against DOS attacks. At least, those up to 6.22.
* Windows cannot trigger world chaos in safe mode. It's disabled.
* By using all available memory, Windows cannot run additional viruses.
Mike, mpbarno of
"So I called up George and he called up Jim, I said let's make a deal.
He said he'd talk to him. Gonna start a church where you can save yourself,
You can make some noise, When you've got no choice...
You told me useful things, what people think of me, I guess I should thank you.
It's true, then I agree... I'm all alone, I've got no choice,
I'm all alone, I've got no choice."
From "Got No Choice" by the incomparable Mark Cutler, from the CD Mark Cutler and Useful Things.
If you want to submit orders, press, or letters by E-Mail, you can find me through the Internet system at "burgess of". If anyone has an interest in having an E-Mail address listed so people can negotiate with you by computer, just let me know. FAX orders to (401) 277-9904 if you let me know in advance to be sure the fax machine is set up.
I am continuing to note cut or failed support orders with a small "s" instead of a capital "S". This will make it easier on the E-Mailed version of the szine to see what happened, since the italics don't show there. The italics DO show on the web page just fine.
Standby lists:
Mike Barno, Dick Martin, Brad Wilson, Jack McHugh, Glenn Petroski, Steve Emmert, Mark Kinney, Vince Lutterbie, Eric Brosius, Paul Rauterberg, Bob Osuch, Doug Kent, Sean O'Donnell, Kevin Wilson, Heath Gardner, Phil Reynolds, Paul Kenny, and Dan Gorham stand by for regular Diplomacy.
Brad Wilson and Jack McHugh stand by for the Modern Diplomacy game.
Let me know if you want on or off these lists, especially OFF. Standbies get the szine for free and receive my personal thanks.

We've got lots of openings in the subszines, check them out!!! Especially, contact Rip Gooch for Railway Rivals, see Rip's subszine elsewhere in most issues of TAP. Come on, help me out!!! Contact Rip Gooch directly at xyropedes of
I also am starting a game of the variant I designed, Spy Diplomacy. Signups for that are now open. I'll publish the rules shortly or you can look at them at Bruce Edwards is signed up.
John Harrington is offering to guest GM a game of Office Politics. Any interest in that?? Let me or John know! Jody McCullough and Bruce Edwards are interested, anyone else?
Harold Reynolds has started the game of Colonia (see elsewhere in this issue) and is interested in guest-GMing a game of Aberration. Sean O'Donnell and Brendan Whyte are interested in Aberration. Brendan and Sean BOTH need rules from Harold Reynolds.
Also, I am going to design some postal rules for Devil Take the Hindmost, and Chris Lockheardt is pulling out of that opening too, so I need three players. Bruce Edwards and Eoghan Barry is signed up. Postal rules from me will be forthcoming shortly, on my never ending to-do list. I will get them in SOON! I'm more likely to get these things started if I see some interest..... it takes four and Eoghan is getting tired of waiting....
Right now, the other thing I am contemplating getting going is the Modern Diplomacy game with Wings. Rick Desper, Alexander Woo, Dave Partridge, Eric Ozog, and Kurt Ozog are signed up for that. I will start it when I get a full complement of players, and may not wait until the other Modern game finishes.
Mike Barno and Edi Birsan run a great web site at! Please check it out!

FLIP FLOP: 2003??, Regular Diplomacy
Game Start 1900
AUSTRIA (Wiedemeyer): has a VIE, a BUD, f TRI.
ENGLAND (Schmit): has f EDI, f LON, a LVP.
FRANCE (Jeff O'Donnell): has f BRE, a PAR, a MAR.
GERMANY (Sundstrom): has a MUN, a BER, f KIE.
ITALY (Williams): has f NAP, a ROM, a VEN.
RUSSIA (Sean O'Donnell): has f STP(SC), f SEV, a WAR, a MOS.
TURKEY (Levinson): has f ANK, a SMY, a CON.

Addresses of the Participants
AUSTRIA: Fred Wiedemeyer, Box 92010-Meadowbrook RPO, Edmonton, ALBERTA CANADA T6T 1N1,
PHONE NUMBER??, wiedem of
ENGLAND: Karl Schmit, 1452 Seville Dr. #3, Green Bay, WI 54302-5559, PHONE NUMBER??,
diplomacy of ($5)
FRANCE: Jeff O'Donnell, 402 Middle Ave., Elyria, OH 44035-5728,
(440) 322-2920 or (440) 225-9203 (cell)
GERMANY: Matt Sundstrom, 1760 Robincrest Lane South, Glenview, IL 60025, (847) 729-1882,
Matt.Sundstrom of or mattandzoe of
ITALY: Don Williams, 27505 Artine Drive, Saugus, CA 91350, (661) 297-3947,
wllmsfmly of
RUSSIA: Sean O'Donnell, 1044 Wellfleet Drive, Grafton, OH 44044, (440) 926-0230,
sean_o_donnell of
TURKEY: Alexandre Levinson, 1, allee des Marniquets, 78430 Louveciennes FRANCE, don't need phone,
levinson7 of ($5)

Game Notes:
1) Like most other games in TAP, I name them after songs by my favorite band, the Mekons. This one is taken from their album Me. The lyrics for "Flip Flop" are as follows: "He's a little boy so lovely to watch and he's got great respect; You boys don't know what pain is, just flip flop mate. Enter the sentimental chamber shifting magnetic core; Cranium flipping over taking me back to year one; Taking me back to year one. Oh so innocent in appearance the wonders of the space age; It's so hard to forget sexual experience, sexual chain reactions; Taking me back to year one." This is a slow patient song, sung with lots of noise to fight through, like a good Dip game, which I hope this will be.
2) Positions were determined by lot, as you all didn't submit preference lists:
3) I wanted to get this started quickly, so you all should have been notified about this game start already. You can submit Winter press with the December 13th deadline and Spring 1901 orders will be due January 10th. I like to give a good while to get a game started.
4) It's been awhile since I've printed my house rules, so I've included them in this issue (if I remember).
5) I got VERY lax about noting which of you had paid for this game. The games in TAP go a long way toward supporting the rest of the szine. And I can't seem to recall which of you have paid. If you haven't paid, please send along $20, $15 for the life of the game subscription, which means that you get the postal version of the szine until the game ENDS and I publish the endgame stats, regardless of what happens to you in the game. The other five dollars are for NMR insurance, where I subtract a dollar for each time I have to call you for orders. As noted above, I know I have money from Alexandre and Karl. That's why their NMR insurance balance is up there. I try to get orders by E-Mail, which won't cost you from this fund, but one of our players does not have E-Mail. And yes, for those who asked, our E-Mail-less player Jeff O'Donnell is Sean O'Donnell's uncle. I allow players in my szine to play in games with relatives. You guys deal with that however makes sense to you in the context of the game.


I CAN'T FIND MY MONEY!: 2001F, Regular Diplomacy
Fall 1906
AUSTRIA (Lockheardt): a UKR S a mos, a tyo-PIE, a boh-TYO, a MOS S a war-lvn,
a ser-TRI, a RUM h, a war-LVN, f GRE S ITALIAN f aeg.
ENGLAND (Kinney): a LON h, a EDI-nwy, f ENG s f nth, f NTH C a edi-nwy.
FRANCE (Kent): a bur-MAR, a par-BUR, a bre-PAR, f gas-BRE, f MID-eng.
GERMANY (Wilson): a HOL S a bel, a kie-DEN, a MUN h, f SWE-nwy,
a RUH S a mun, a BEL h.
ITALY (Gardner): a VEN h, f ION S f aeg, f AEG s AUSTRIAN a rum-bul (nso),
a APU S a ven.
RUSSIA (Desper): a STP h.
TURKEY (Miller): f SMY-aeg, a ARM S a sev, a CON S f bul(sc),
f BUL(SC) S f smy-aeg, a SEV h.

Supply Center Chart
AUSTRIA (Lockheardt): TRI,BUD,VIE,ser,gre,rum, (has 8, even)
ENGLAND (Kinney): LON,LVP,EDI,nwy (has 4, even)
FRANCE (Kent): PAR,MAR,spa,por,BRE (has 5, even)
GERMANY (Wilson): KIE,BER,hol,den,bel,MUN,swe (has 6, bld 1)
ITALY (Gardner): ROM,VEN,NAP,tun (has 4, even)
RUSSIA (Desper): STP (has 1, even)
TURKEY (Miller): ANK,SMY,CON,sev,bul (has 5, even)
Neutral: none (Total=34)

Addresses of the Participants
AUSTRIA: Chris Lockheardt, 54 Butler Avenue, Maynard, MA 01754, +1 978-897-1547
clockheardt of
ENGLAND: Mark Kinney, 4830 Westport Road, Apt D, Louisville KY 40222
alberich of
FRANCE: Doug Kent, 11111 Woodmeadow #2327, Dallas, TX 75228
GERMANY: Kevin Wilson, 373 Gateford Drive, Ballwin, MO 63021
ckevinw of
ITALY: Heath Gardner, 1627 Abbotts Creek Circle, Kernersville, NC, 27284
hdgardne of
RUSSIA: Rick Desper, 5440 Marinelli Road, #204, Rockville, MD 20852
(301) 977-7691, rick_desper of
TURKEY: Tim Miller, 5421 S. Ellis Ave. #1-E, Chicago, IL 60615, +1 773-834-4597
btmiller of
GM: Jim-Bob Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327, +1 401-351-0287
burgess of

Game Notes:
1) An FITAGE draw is proposed, asking that we judge that we have reached a FIT AGE for this game and that we should end it. If you agree, vote yes with your Autumn/Winter orders, if you fail to vote, the draw cannot pass.
2) And that's about all you have to do, since there was a whole lot of sound and fury this turn.... signifying almost nothing.

(SILENT SULTAN to BOARD): Take my wife ... please.
(BOOB to BOARD): Let's see there a few ways I can take that.... let me try out a few with some appropriate responses... this should be fun...
(BOOB RESPONSE TO SILENT SULTAN #1): What, I didn't know you were married, awfully young for that, you whippersnapper you.
(BOOB RESPONSE TO SILENT SULTAN #2): Getting hammered in Las Vegas (or in Maryland, doesn't much matter) does NOT mean that what you do there stays there, as you now are discovering.
(BOOB RESPONSE TO SILENT SULTAN #3): What, you only have one? What kind of Sultan are you??
(SILENT SULTAN to BOOB): I wish we were playing Ancient Med.
(BOOB to SILENT SULTAN): I wish I was too, and I might be by the time you read this, with Tim as GM....
(SILENT SULTAN to BOOB): Ernie Grunfield, official status report number one. The wizards suck. They shall always suck. Best bet, invade Russia.
(BOOB to ERNIE GRUNFELD): Yay, you're back!!! Three!!!

SOMETHING TO BE SCARED OF: 2001D, Regular Diplomacy
Spring 1908
ENGLAND (Sundstrom): f stp(nc) s f nwy (d r:bar,otb), f hol-NTH, f ska-SWE,
f NWY S f ska-swe, f IRI S FRENCH f eng-mid.
FRANCE (Tretick): a BUR-mar, a BRE h, f ENG-mid, a GAS-spa.
GERMANY (Williams): a kie-BER, a DEN-swe, a mun-SIL, a ruh-MUN.
ITALY (Barno): f NAP h, a PIE S a mar, f GOL-wes, a MAR supports the I/T draw (h, cut),
a VIE S a tri, f SPA(SC) s TURKISH f wes-mid, f mid-NAO,
a TRI supports neighborliness (h, succeeds), f POR S TURKISH f wes-mid.
RUSSIA (Rauterberg): a FIN S a mos-stp, a mos-STP, f swe-nwy (d r:gob,bal,otb).
TURKEY (O'Donnell): a con-BUL, a SEV h, f tyh-TUN, a BUD S a ser, a SER S a bud,
f WES-mid, a war-LVN, f bla-CON, a ukr-WAR.

Addresses of the Participants
AUSTRIA: Doug Kent
ENGLAND: Matt Sundstrom, 1760 Robincrest Lane South, Glenview, IL 60025, (847) 729-1882 ($5)
Matt.Sundstrom of or mattandzoe of
FRANCE: James Alan (Jim) Tretick, 1383 Canterbury Way Potomac, MD 20854, (301) 279-0803 ($4)
JTretickGames of
GERMANY: Don Williams, 27505 Artine Drive, Saugus, CA 91350, (661) 297-3947 ($3)
wllmsfmly of
ITALY: Mike Barno, 634 Dawson Hill Road, Spencer, NY 14883
mpbarno of
RUSSIA: Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Dr., Greenfield, WI 53221,
(414) 281-2339 (E-Mail) trauterberg of
TURKEY: Sean O'Donnell, 1044 Wellfleet Drive, Grafton, OH 44044, (440) 926-0230
sean_o_donnell of or seanfodonnell of

Game Notes:
1) The Italian/Turkish dual monarchy, otherwise known as an IT draw was rejected.
2) I get properly chastised below for my error.... why I should be praised, it allowed you to put your own units on the map.... but no chastisement is my lot.

(IRON DUCK to LOST IN SPACE GM): The danger is not, alas, to Will Robinson, but to your long-suffering players. No sooner do I articulate my intent to have you booted post-haste from the Hobby as if you were Liza Minnelli's husband-like-substance as a danger to yourself and others, than you prove my point in spades by deliberately voiding our map of any and all units. Not only are you guilty of ineptitude and gross malfeasance, you are also guilty of one of the most blatant instances of GM interference ever recorded in the Hobby's maculate and shady history! You put all those units back right now, Mister, or I will convene a Board of Obvious Obstructionist Bungling (BOOB) led by a specially appointed Special Inquisitor. I'll just bet I can pull Mark Berch out of retirement for this one.
(BOOB to BOOB): Bring 'em on, I can take 'em!
(GERMANY to GM): On the other hand, maybe you've got something here.... how about you leave off all the other units except the German ones for about, say, five years? I'm sure I could see my way toward sparing you the ignominious spectacle of having you removed from the Hobby. Have your people get in touch with my people and we'll do a workaround.
(BOOB to PEOPLE): You stay RIGHT where you are....
(SAUGUS to GAME): Admit it - for a second you thought we'd all warped into a particularly lethal game of Nuclear Yuppie Evil Empire Diplomacy where all the units got nuked on the same turn.
(PROVIDENCE to SAUGUS): I admit to nothing, except that you are a thorn in my side. And it's about to get worse, since you're about to address my wife, aren't you?? I also will admit that you are about to toss off another lame witticism that she's heard a billion times before.
(IRON DUCK to SWEET CHARLOTTE): Hush, hush! You are too seemly a soul, too comely a woman, to turn away from all men forever. (Given a logical progression from swearing off men - and being somewhat averse to women as you said - you severely limit your options... and said options are illegal, generally, and almost always unsanitary.) Besides, we don't think it fair of you to judge all men everywhere on the basis of your experience with you-know-who. ((I assure you that she's been nowhere near Voldemort!)) I mean, really, don't you think your judgment would be severely impaired by the fact that...
(BOOB INTERRUPTS WITH IMPUGNITY): OK, that's enough. The only thing that impairs my judgment is the snoozing that I do reading your soporific press. You aren't getting any interest out of Charlotte either.
(IRON DUCK to BOOB): Look, Your Heinous, if you aren't any better as a man than you are as a GM, no wonder poor sweet, innocent Charlotte is considering the convent. Really, Boob, you'd drive anyone into a bad habit.
(BOOB to IRON BILLED ONE): Just you try to pick a peck of pickled peppers with that Bill. Then you see who marches to the beat of a different drummer.
(BOOB to HAGGIS BREATH): I'm not sure that's what we meant....
(TURKEY-WORLD): This should be interesting.
(GERMANY to TURKEY): Of course we can all get along... but what's the fun in that?
(ITALY to EGREGIOUS-FLUB PRODUCER): There must have been a printing error: All the unit-position indicator letters are missing from the 2001D map in my copy of TAP issue 275. Would you please come to Spencer and make the corrections to my game report map?
(BOOB to ITALY): There are no printing errors, sometimes you just have to "do it yourself".
(BERLIN to PARIS): Someone recently asked us how many French troops it took to defend Paris. We concluded that we didn't know as it had never been tried...
Sundstrom on my shoulder makes me happy, Sundstrom in my eyes can make me cry;
Sundstrom almost always looks so lovely, Sundstrom almost always makes me high....
Oops! Think I may have just been channeling John Denver. Sigh.... you have a mere dalliance with controlled substances for 20 years or so, and this is what happens.
(DON to BOOB): I wouldn't live to tell the tale, huh? You bragging or what? We're not all the pushover that you are, Burgess....
(BOOB to DON): Go ahead, make my day....
(WILLIAMS to RAUTERBERG): Burgess really sucks for doing this to you, doesn't he? Still, tortured logic or not, I have to agree that you are a 1000% improvement over....well, you know. So, hang tight, the Cavalry is on its way!
(BOOB to DON AND PAUL): Paul is NOT dead, in fact we love having him available, were I to have five other standbys like him!
(BERLIN to LONDON): There you have it-those pesky exchange students in Denmark have now been explained away by our illustrious GM; they are militant US medical students from Grenada, armed and trained by... well, not us anyway, probably the CIA. Last we heard, said students - still heady from their stunning victory in Denmark - had become further radicalized, going so far as to organize themselves for the furtherance of their political and social agenda; they are now calling themselves Students for a Despotic Society, and they espouse the liberal rantings of former Chancellor Otto von Bismarck. We seriously recommend you send an envoy immediately so that we may convene a special commission to study that evolving issue.
(SDS to EUROPE): We're mad as hell and we're not going to take it any more! First on our agenda, that hotbed of liberal nanny-state-ism, Sweden! First Stockholm, then the world!
(KIEL to NAPLES): So, Mike, what would it really take to get you turned around to face the music coming from the minarets? Do we have to drag your sorry butt into a special effects movie and let you pick between the red pill and the blue pill? Free your mind, Neo.... er, Barno.
(MIKE to CITY PLANNER DON): You should spend as many resource points as necessary to convert Army Denmark into a fleet.
(MORPHEUS THE DUCK to PROVIDENCE): Great costume I got here with the shades and leather duster, eh pal? Shhhhh! Don't let on to these guys just who I really am, and especially don't clue in that loser Williams. You wanna be the Oracle, pal o'mine?
(PROVIDENCE to DUCK DIMENSIONS): I don't talk to third rate movie rejects who promise existential truth and deliver third rate pablum. This only makes those people think they're being arch and edgy when they're really just being lame. If you want REAL sedition, I'll give you real sedition.
(MATT-JIM-BOB): So much for the Cubs-Sox World Series of futility. I was thinking you had to have the same feeling in the 8th inning of game 7 as we had in the 8th inning of game 6. How to deflate a town in less than ten minutes.
(BOOB to MATT): You wouldn't guess that Williams is nominally a Red Sox fan too, would you? Let's take this up a level and see what monstrous charge he goes to next....
(SAUGUS to PROVIDENCE): Dear Mr. Boob, please be advised that your comments last issue (see "Unique View of Time") constitute a direct violation of secret provisions of the recently enacted Patriot's Act, and that your comments are seditious and subversive and reflect the insane, unlawful, and prosecutable offerings of a psychotic malcontent. Lest you wish to be prosecuted, please get on your knees, face Texas, and chant "Bush, Cheney, Rummy are, the very, very best by far." Failure to do so will result in the suspension of whatever of your civil rights we haven't yet taken. Can you spell Guantanamo Bay?
(BOOB REPEATS HIMSELF JUST ONE MORE TIME): Go ahead, make my day.... come and get me.
(GERMAN SHEPHERD to YIPPY ITALIAN LAP DOG): Better to die on your paws than to live on your knees. Sic 'em!
(GERMANY to PROVIDENCE): Do dogs have knees?
(PROVIDENCE to GERMANY): Yes, of course dogs have a patella or kneecap. Whether they can "kneel" in submission is irrelevant since lap dogs find a way to be submissive regardless of whether they can kneel.
(GERMANY to SWEET CHARLOTTE): More interestingly, does Boob have knees and do you make him get down on them and, if so, how often?
(BOOB to PHILANDERING MINDS): If you think I'm going to assist you in this in ANY way whatsoever, you are oh so sadly mistaken. Go get your own answers, if you dare.
(BLAH BLAH BLAH): Major League Baseball $ucks. NASCAR kicks baseball's butt. Steve Emmert underestimated: In this final year of Winston Cup, there were 25 to 30 teams that were legitimate threats to win each week (depending on the track), and with 43 to 50 teams trying for 43 starting spots, the next ten to fifteen cars (sometimes all 43) were good enough that they could win if they lucked up hard enough. Seventeen drivers won races in the just-concluded 2003 season's 36 races. Matt Kenseth won the championship with only one victory but 25 top-ten finishes. So many good cars ran every race that three of the race winners ended up 25th through 27th overall without missing any races. When was big-league baseball ever deep enough that the Cubs and a few other teams weren't out of it by the All-Star break?

FANTASTIC VOYAGE: 1999K, Regular Diplomacy
Spring 1913
AUSTRIA (Rauterberg): a VEN S a rom, a NAP S a rom, a ROM s a ven.
ENGLAND (Biehl): f nwg-BAR.
GERMANY (Osuch): a mun-SIL, f BAL S a den-swe, a BOH S a mun-sil, a ber-PRU,
f swe-SKA, a den-SWE, a mar-PIE, a GAL-war, a VIE-bud, a hol-KIE, f NAO-nwg,
a pic-BEL, a por-SPA.
RUSSIA (Tretick): f nth-HEL, a LVN-war, f EDI-nwg, a YOR-edi,
a war-UKR, f cly-LVP, a FIN s ENGLISH f nwg-nwy (nso).
TURKEY (Lutterbie): a bul-SER, f ion-APU, f con-AEG, a sil-gal (d r:ber,otb), f TUS-rom,
a alb-TRI, f IRI S RUSSIAN f cly-LVP, a tri-BUD, a RUM S a tri-bud, f TYH S f tus-rom.

Addresses of the Participants
AUSTRIA: Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Dr., Greenfield, WI 53221, (414) 281-2339 (E-Mail)
trauterberg of
ENGLAND: John Biehl, #8 - 11530 84th Avenue, Delta, BRITISH COLUMBIA, V4C 2M1 CANADA,
(604) 591-1832 ($7); jrb of
FRANCE: Rick Davis, 2420 West Avenue, Santa Rosa, CA 95407, (707) 544-5201,
redavis914 of
GERMANY: Bob Osuch, 19137 Midland Avenue, Mokena, IL 60448, (708) 478-3885
ROsuch4082 of
ITALY: Terry Tallman, PO Box 782, Clinton, WA 98236, (360) 710 9613, cell (360) 710-9613 ($2)
terryt of
RUSSIA: Buddy Tretick, 9607 Conaty Circle, Spotsylvania, VA 22553, (540) 582-2356 (E-Mail)
batretick of
TURKEY: Vince Lutterbie, 1021 Stonehaven, Marshall, MO 65340-2837, (660) 886-7354
melvin of

Game Notes:
1) Just some action on the board.

(RUSSIA to ENGLAND): Gee, guy, I seem to have more units in England than in Russia. Golly, gee!
(BOOB to RUSSIA ABOUT ENGLAND): Well, gee back, it looks like he might be taking advantage of that by paying you a visit.
(MORE SERIOUSLY): Bernie is going into the hospital for a few weeks, and we wish him the best and wish that he will get out feeling better before Christmas. Obviously, he will be out of touch for that time. His son Jim (See elsewhere in the szine for contact info) will know what's up if anyone wants to know.

(Sometimes I Feel Like) FLETCHER CHRISTIAN: 1999Cgh013, Colonia VIIb Diplomacy

Game Notes:
1) Finally, the endgame statistics!!! Thanks to Tom Howell for shaming me into it!!! That means that some people's game long subs are ending.... see the separate page in the new BNC/MNC official format. Bye, guys! You know who you are (I'll include a note). I'll publish any last comments, but don't expect to see any.

SECRETS: 1999D, Regular Diplomacy
Spring 1915
ENGLAND (Brosius): f LON h, a GAS S FRENCH f mar, f NAO S f mid, a KIE S FRENCH a mun,
f MID S FRENCH f spa(sc), f ENG S f mid, f HOL S a kie, f POR S FRENCH f spa(sc).
FRANCE (Sasseville): f MAR S f spa(sc), f SPA(SC) S f mar, a MUN s a bur, a BUR S a mun.
GERMANY (Barno): a GRE s TURKISH a bul-gre (imp).
RUSSIA (Reynolds): a MOS h, a LVN S a mos, a BER S FRENCH a mun, f BAL S a pru,
a STP S a mos, a PRU S a ber.
TURKEY (Linsey): a BUL-gre, f ALB S GERMAN a gre, a UKR S a war, a WAR S a sev-mos,
f WES h, a SEV-mos, f GOL h, a SIL S a war, a GAL S a war, f NAF S f wes,
f tyh-ION, a TYO-mun, f PIE S f gol, a SER S a bul-gre, a BOH S a sil.

Addresses of the Participants
ENGLAND: Eric Brosius, 53 Bird Street, Needham, MA 02492
eric.brosius of
FRANCE: Roland Sasseville, Jr., 38 Bucklin Street, Pawtucket, RI 02861, (401) 481-4280 ($0)
roland6 of and ICQ: 40565030
GERMANY: Mike Barno, 634 Dawson Hill Road, Spencer, NY 14883
mpbarno of
RUSSIA: Phil Reynolds, 2896 Oak Street, Sarasota, FL 34237, (813) 953-6952 preyno of
TURKEY: Bruce Linsey, PO Box 234, Kinderhook, NY 12106
GonzoHQ of

Game Notes:
1) The FREGT draw is rejected and then reproposed. I had no complaint, so I've granted a request that we go back to where we were on the voting, which was this: (1) Some of you have "perpetual draw votes on this proposal on file", those are still in force; (2) Some of you do not and have been voting every season, for you if you FAIL to vote it counts as a yes vote for this proposal. If we get to a situation where no centers change hands for three game years, then we can go to the next step, which will require everyone to vote every season, no perpetual draw votes. And failure to vote would be a yes.

(GERMANY, TRYING TO SURVIVE UNTIL A DRAW VOTE PASSES): "Diplomacy is about surviving until the next century. Politics is about surviving until Friday afternoon." - Sir Humphrey Appleby
(GERMANY): Believe me, I don't take Phil's press ("despicable", only "honorable thing") as more than a platter of cow's tongue. Why would I be vetoing the draw I scrambled to get into? I'm earning standby freebies from another game that will last far longer than this one is likely to. For Turkey to remove me from FREGT voting would not change the vote's outcome, and whether he's been vetoing it or not, he knows that I haven't.
(GERMANY): Of course I have been voting YES YES and YES to the five-way draw since it was first proposed, and voted NO to the draws that excluded me just on the general principle. I'm sure even the renowned moralist and serial zine folder Tsar Phil considers the Draws Include Me rule to be a Good Thing; he has thus pontificated in print.

EDWARD TELLER: 2002?rn42, Nuclear Yuppie Evil Empire Diplomacy - Black Hole Variant
Spring 1906
AUSTRIA (Muller): a VIE h, a BUD h, f TRI h; and withholds nukes.
ENGLAND (Andruschak): a LVP h, f LON h, f EDI h; and withholds nukes.
FRANCE (Kendter): f bre-MID, a par-PIC, a mar-GAS; and nukes BUL, BLA, SYR, ANK, ARM.
GERMANY (McHugh): a MUN h, a BER h, f KIE h; and withholds nukes.
ITALY (Kenny): a VEN h, a ROM h, f NAP h; and withholds nukes.
RUSSIA (Schultz): f STP(SC) h, a MOS h, a WAR h, f SEV h; and 4 nukes in their silos.
TURKEY (Rauterberg): f ank-Bla (ann), a con-Bul (ann), a smy-Arm (ann); and
nukes BRE, PAR, MAR, SPA, SER.

Current Standings
01 02 03 04 05 06 07 TOTAL
JOHN SCHULTZ  3  3  3  3  3        15
PAUL RAUTERBERG  6  1  6  3  5        21
KARL MULLER  2  3  3  4  3        15
HARRY ANDRUSCHAK  4  5  0  3  3        15
LEE KENDTER, JR.  1  6  2  4  5        18
JACK MCHUGH  5  0  3  3  2        13
SANDY KENNY  3  1  3  3  2        12
Black Holed  8 14  7  1  7        30
Neutral  2  1  7 10  4        20
Totals(eventually) 34 34 34 34 34 34 34 238
Times GM Nuked  0  1  1  0  0      2
Whole Frelling Game  0  0  1  0  1      2

Addresses of the Participants
John Schultz plays on in our memories....
Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Dr., Greenfield, WI 53221, (414) 281-2339
trauterberg of
Karl Muller, 3154 East Lydius Street, Schenectady, NY 12303-5035
karlmuller of or pegandkarl of
Harry Andruschak, 734 West 214th Street, Apartment 12-A Torrance, CA 90502-1907
(310) 533-8945, harryandruschak of
Lee Kendter, Jr., 1503 Pilgrim Lane, Quakertown, PA 18951
lkendter of
Jack McHugh, P.O. Box 427, Claymont, DE 19703, (302) 792-1998
flapjack of
Sandy Kenny, 23 East Coulter Avenue, Collingswood, NJ 08108-1208 (609) 869-3160
KennyShire of or possibly sakenny of

Game Notes:
1) A couple of adjudication notes.... when you guys nuke the same province more than once, I put in parentheses the number of nukes that hit that spot. Also, if your move to a space succeeds and THEN you are annihilated, I capitalize the first letter of that space where you are annihilated. The reverse happens if your move bounces where I capitalize the first letter of the place you started.
2) The rules I have been using for this game have been that there are no replacements or standbies. Nukes for the positions John has will remain unfired in their silos. None of his units will move or support anything. They can be attacked and dislodged and his centers can be nuked. John could win the game this way, conceivably, but likely would not. But you never know, given how extreme the yuppiedom part of the game has gone.


FINDING THE COMMUNITY: Breaking Away, Designer's Rules


Addresses of the Participants - Their Team and Their Cards
TEAM 1 (Rick Desper): rick_desper of
Team Name: Team Springfield
A: Homer Simpson 15 8 5 2
B: Marge Simpson 13 9 3
C: Bart Simpson 10 9 1
D: Lisa Simpson 11 4 1
TEAM 2 (Bruce Edwards): kactusjak of
Team Name: Last Again
A: Zedd 15 12 3
B: Omega 13 8 4
C: Paige 10 6 4
D: James 13 2 1
TEAM 3 (Tom Howell): off-the-shelf of
Team Name: The Soils
Manager: Boulder
A: Clay 1 5 9 15
B: Silt 4 8 13
C: Sand 3 7 10
D: Pebble 2 6 8
TEAM 4 (Dennis Menear): dmenear of
Team Name: The Firm
A: Edmond 2 5 9 14
B: Franklin 3 8 14
C: Frederick 5 6 9
D: Wade 4 5 7
TEAM 5 (David Partridge): rebhuhn of
Team Name: It's In The Cards
Manager: The Joker
A: Spades 1, 6, 8, 15
B: Hearts 4, 8, 13
C: Diamonds 3, 8, 9
D: Clubs 2, 6, 8
TEAM 6 (Karl Schmit): diplomacy of
Team Name: 25 Dollar Quartet
A: Carl Sagan 3, 6, 6, 15
B: El Vez 5, 8, 12
C: Geri Lee Lewis 4, 6, 10
D: Johnny Peso 1, 3, 12

Game Notes:
1) You all have the rules, don't you? They're on the TAP website in the Tinamou section. Ask if you have any questions. Press is VERY welcome!!!

FEAR AND WHISKEY: 1998Ers31, Modern Diplomacy
Winter 2012
BRITAIN (K. Ozog): has a SWE, f LON, a YOR, f HEL, f DEN, a NOR, f NTH, f BAL.
EGYPT (J. O'Donnell): bld f cai; has f CAI, f EME, f ALE, f ISR, f NAP, a JOR,
a TUN, a SAU.
GERMANY (Rauterberg): rem a par, a rom; has a HAM, a ALS, f BER, f HOL, f BHM,
f MAO, a PIE, f IRI, a SWI, f ENG.
SPAIN (S. O'Donnell): has a BAR, a POR, f SAO, f WME, f MAL, a BRI, a NAV,
a AUV, f BIS, f LBS.
UKRAINE (Partridge): bld f sev, a kie, a ode; has f SEV, a KIE, a ODE, a HUN, f IZM, a ADA,
a GRE, a CRO, a GOR, a KRA, a STP, a SIL, a CZE, f AEG, f ANA, a URA,
a SAX, a PRU, f ALB, a SYR, a KAZ, a AUS, a LIT, f ION, a GDA, f ADR, a IRN, a VEN.

Addresses of the Participants
BRITAIN: Kurt Ozog, 391 Wilmington Drive, Bartlett, IL 60103, (630) 837-2813
heyday6 of
EGYPT: Jeff O'Donnell, 402 Middle Ave., Elyria, OH 44035-5728, (440) 322-2920
or (440) 225-9203 (cell) ($2)
FRANCE: Harry Andruschak ($5) Tapmdfrance of
GERMANY: Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Dr., Greenfield, WI 53221, (414) 281-2339 (E-Mail)
ITALY: Eric Ozog, PO Box 1138, Granite Falls, WA 98252-1138, (360) 691-4264 ($3)
ElfEric of
POLAND: Roland Sasseville, Jr., 38 Bucklin Street, Pawtucket, RI 02861, (401) 481-4280 ($5)
roland6 of and ICQ: 40565030
RUSSIA: Randy Ellis
SPAIN: Sean O'Donnell, 1044 Wellfleet Drive, Grafton, OH 44044, (440) 926-0230 ($3)
sean_o_donnell of or seanfodonnell of
TURKEY: Kent Pollard, 1541 W. San Jose, Fresno, CA 93711, (209) 225-0957 ($10)
UKRAINE: Dave Partridge, 15 Woodland Drive, Brookline, NH 03033 ($8)
rebhuhn of

Game Notes:
1) I'm keeping only one list for the new game now up above. This is scary, the game has gone on for six years now, hasn't it.

(THE MEKONS QUOTE OF THE MONTH): "Lost there for a lifetime, late in the evening you pull on your bra; Your pull on a hand you go out the room; Go out the door, watching and counting and sex and TV." From "Enter the Lists" off of Me. This is the record with my FAVORITE song title of all time, "Come and Have A Go, If You Think You're Hard Enough"....
(CAPTAIN'S LOG, THE END IS NEAR): The combined Romulan/Klingon forces are approaching the solar system and the end of the Federation is near. I would like to offer a commendation to my crew and command staff for its bravery in the line of dut...
(BOOB to CAPTAIN): Humph, Spock would never give up, after all there are always alternatives.... but wait a minute, what's that I hear??
(LT. UHURA): Bridge to Captain Kirk!
(KIRK): What now, the Borg?!
(LT. UHURA): No, Captain! I'm picking up a distress signal!
(KIRK): Probably Captain Janeway at the front. You know she did a nice job getting home in Voyager, but her ship was taken over by so many hostile aliens that Starfleet Command changed Chief of Security Officer Tuvok's title to Hospitality Officer!
(LT. UHURA): The distress call appears to be coming from the Romulan ship, "The Pointy Eared Bastard".
(KIRK): (Looking at Mr. Spock) Spock, what do you think the "Bastard" is up to?
(SPOCK): Is it possible that Janeway's attack was successful?
(KIRK): I don't see how! All she had was Voyager and Mr. Sulu's "Excelsior". They were outgunned 4-2.
(UHURA): I'm getting a message from the Klingons. It's 7 of 9. Have negotiated an alliance with the Klingons. Khitamer Accord back in place, am assisting Janeway and Sulu with two Klingon heavy cruisers and have engaged the Romulans. Neither side has gained any territory.
(KIRK): Spock! I'm confused. I thought that our scans indicated the Klingons were being run by the Evil Commander Worf!
(SPOCK): He's evil, but he is not stupid. Even with his help, if we don't get Bajor and Cardassia to unite with us, the Romulans will still rule the galaxy. On the other hand, this is great news. The Federation is at least for the moment safe and we are still free.
(KIRK): But that's not the best part!
(SPOCK): Then what is "the best part"?
(KIRK): When 7 of 9 returns, I get to de-brief her. Life is good!
(EGYPT - BRITAIN): No doubt Germany made a mistake moving into your waters, but if you continue your alliance with Ukraine, he wins.
(EGYPT to GERMANY): No doubt Sean screwed up when he attacked you and me, but our choice is to unite against Ukraine or the game is over.
(EGYPT to SPAIN): I luv ya man!
(JEFF to THE WORLD): The Yankees suck! Grady Little is clueless! Lebron James will someday be known as the greatest point guard ever. Not this or next year, but eventually.
(BOOB to UNCLE JEFFY): Yeah, the Celtics shut down Lebron completely last night (as I type this), but I agree with you. Your other statements, while laudable on the surface, are more emotional and extreme than this Red Sox fan prefers. I think the Yankees are a very good team, but other then Derek Jeter they lack the real balls to win titles as a team. They're just a collection of big contracts. I hope they don't get Schilling from the Diamondbacks, since he'll be the leader that none of this year's starters could muster. And on Grady, let me tell you about Grady. Grady has always been a manager of his own mind, always. In the minors, you have many fewer coaches and less scrutiny, but he always had the rep (and occasionally was fired over it) of not listening to anyone but himself. Given that, I do think he had a clue, but he needed to use the whole team and resources that the Red Sox gave him. Ultimately, while perhaps that also led to his downfall ON the field, it ensured his downfall OFF the field.
(UKRAINE - SPAIN): So, the magic 8 ball said attack Ukraine this turn?
(JEFF to JIM): I love what the Red Sox did to Manny Ramirez.
(BOOB to UNCLE JEFFY): You mean put him on unconditional waivers? It's too bad no one took him, 'cause then the Red Sox would have executed the deal to get A-Rod and that would have more than sufficed. Now, they probably will not do any big deals. But I still like them for next year. Please, please, Mr. Epstein, don't trade my Trot!
(DAVE - SEAN): It is often misquoted. The proper text is "Needless consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds". Note the key word "Needless", consistency in and of itself is not a bad thing.
(JEFF to JIM): I'll give you Matt Lawton, Ricky Gutierrez, and Milton Bradley for Manny Ramirez.
(BOOB to UNCLE JEFFY): But the Indians won't.

Personal Note to You:

File translated from TEX by TTH, version 3.35.
On 04 Dec 2003, 20:06.