October 25, 2003

Produced by Jim Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327 USA, (401)351-0287

Accessible through Internet at burgess of (all E-Mail addresses are reported in this format, replace the " of " with "@"; if you bounce try sending to me from another account or FAX to (401) 277-9904. For Faxing, most of the time you have to call me to tell me it's coming so I can set up the FAX.
Web Page Address:

As I finish up the szine, the hated Yankees are completing their loss to the Marlins. I don't really feel like gloating about this, I only am relieved that I don't have to eat CROW with Goz over the Yankees winning. More on this below (probably TOO much more on this below), but let's say up top that ANY season in a US professional league where the team with the 21st ranked payroll wins its league championship CANNOT be said to be a league where money always wins.
Baseball has been one reason why the szine has been horribly delayed. Work has been another. The giant project that creeped my work week up toward 60 hours per is over. And I'm slowly picking up the pieces of my life from the last eight months. This has been hell, pure and simple, and what little free time I had didn't have me feeling like doing this szine, but this weekend I finally got excited about it again..... and we have GAME STARTS, we have GAME STARTS!! See below. I think we also have a full complement of subszines from Dave Partridge, Richard Weiss, Rip Gooch, Michael Lowrey, and Harold Reynolds. And lastly, I've spent a lot of time counting ballots for the 2003 Diplomacy Hobby Awards. The winners follow immediately below, the Committee decided that no one would be awarded the 2003 Kathy Byrne Caruso Award for Lifetime Achievement, starting the precedent that it need not be awarded every year.

The 2003 Diplomacy Hobby Awards
The 2003 Don Miller Award for Meritorious Service goes to Chad Schroeder for running the Redscape diplomacy playing system -
The 2003 Rod Walker Award for Literary Achievement goes to Paul Windsor for the article "Persuasive Illogic", in The Diplomatic Pouch 2002 Fall Movement -
The 2003 John Koning Award for Player Performance goes to Yann Clouet who led the Diplomatic Pouch Tournament Ratings at 2002 Year End -
The 2003 Fred Hyatt Award for GM Performance goes to Christine Stoy who is a Redscape and WorldMasters GM -
Please join me in congratulating all of the winners, who have been sent their plaques by Fred Davis, Jr., who is preparing to retire as the Committee Treasurer. From now on, unless I have another volunteer, I'll be doing the Plaques. Even though the voting period was shorter, there were more voters this year (nearly 100) and nearly all of the nominees received significant support. Yet, the winners all stood out and won decisively. The Diplomacy Hobby Awards Committee currently consists of myself (Chair), Fred Davis (Treasurer), Gary Behnen, Melinda Holley, Jamie Dreier, Paul Kenny, Mark Stretch, and Robert Lesco. Fred will step down as Treasurer, but remain a member. I thank all the members of the Committee for assisting with support and in the nomination process. Next year, I am going to start the balloting much earlier, with a closing date of July 1, 2004. Then the Awards will be announced at World DipCon in Birmingham, England, which I plan to attend. It is not too early to send 2004 nominations to me, as well as any comments, questions, or donations. Also, if anyone wants on or off the Committee, that also would be appropriate.
Congratulations again to these people and ALL of the nominees who work so hard to keep this hobby going and keep up the fun.

We have a new game of Regular Diplomacy about ready to start. Sean O'Donnell, Jeff O'Donnell, Matt Sundstrom, Fred Wiedemeyer, Karl Schmit, Don Williams, and Alexandre Levinson should be all set to play. I want to give one last chance to submit preference lists (recall according to my house rules they will be random unless I get them from everyone) and any of you that haven't paid the gamefee (see below) should pay NOW! Also we've got a full game of Breaking Away (which is free), get me your setups for that NOW! With the delay, I'm pushing deadlines back to reasonable dates, and lining things up for Christmas. If you have ANY doubts over whether I have your orders on file, please ask!
The postal sub price is still $1.50 per issue in the US and Canada, with double that for other foreign subbers (or $3.00 per issue sent airmail). Players in current games and standbys will continue to get the issues for free, and future game starts (except for Nuclear Yuppie Evil Empire Diplomacy, which is free) cost $20.00 ($15.00 for a life of the game subscription and $5 for the NMR Insurance. Or you can play in subszines for free and just jack up the issue page count. See the revised game start announcements below!
Check out the connections in the Diplomatic Pouch with all of the information you need to play Diplomacy on the Internet at:
I also have taken over the Postal portion of the Pouch:
and TAP on the web is there at:
where the szine resides in html format. Presently, issues from #190 to the current issue are there, and I will be updating the back issues gradually someday. Also, check out Stephen Agar's more extensive efforts at: and
David Wang still has the HIGHLY prized name:!! BUT, the site has not been updated in recent times. If you want to follow me and others in John Caruso's Baseball League, THE place to follow the league now is DICKIE-P Martin's website: where in the "files" section, "baseball" sub-section, you can see all of the individual and team level stats. Use the Telnet button in the upper left corner, that's the easiest way to do it these days. You need to sign up as a "member" to see all of the files. You, too, can chat with John Caruso there, especially on Saturday and Sunday mornings. Really, you can. John's E-Mail address also is commishjohn of if you want to send him E-Mail after all that. John still at least one opening, you can start RIGHT NOW to play next year! The World Series is coming up next week between Milwaukee and Texas, so play in our league does NOT align well with real baseball. It isn't like a regular fantasy league, it's completely unique. Contact him at commishjohn of if you're interested in joining us or ask me for more details, this REALLY IS THE most fun thing I do in the hobby at the moment, find out why!!!
Peter Sullivan's subszine remains "in stasis", although all the back issues can be accessed via :
Peter was saying that he would be unlikely to be starting any new games in the Octopus until "at least the start of 2002." He is now hereby declared to be in official indeterminate stasis and that date is now a "whenever". In the meantime, Rip Gooch and Dave Partridge are picking up the choo-choo game slack in TAP. Contact Rip at xyropedes of or Dave at rebhuhn of for more info.
By electronic mail, through the Internet, subs are free and can be obtained automatically by sending the message: subscribe tap
to majordomo of and messages can be sent to the entire electronic mailing list by mailing them to tap of which will forward your message to all of the people currently on the list. The message:
unsubscribe tap
sent to majordomo of gets you off the list. Please make careful note of that as well since you generally can get yourself off the list a lot easier than I can, and NOBODY likes to see unsubscribe messages sent to the entire list. A big, big thank you for David Kovar for setting this all up!!

It's time to start another one of these, and someone asked me recently, does anyone know where Steve Heinowski is? He probably still lives in the same house in Ohio where he always lived, but you HAVE to get him to write a letter to me to win. You're nuts if you think ***I*** will tell you what I think that address might be. Steve always was a bit slow on the technological uptake, so he probably doesn't have E-Mail. But that should be a good challenge. You have until issue #280 to find him for the fifty buck prize. This makes TWO missing ex-Boardman Number Custodians that we're trying to find.
Feel free to spend the time looking for some of the backlog. Let's get Ed, Tom, Bill, Gregory, and ESPECIALLY Kevin found too!!! This is a regular continuing feature of the szine and I will be introducing a new "search for" every five issues. Moreover, you can win a $25 prize for finding some previous target who went unfound in the original $50 period. That means that if Ed Henry or Tom Hurst or Bill Quinn or Gregory Stewart or Kevin Tighe is "found" from now on it is worth $25.
Winners will receive credit for Dip hobby activities that I will pay out as requested by the winner. Subscribe to szines here or abroad, run your own contests, publish a szine, finance a web page, GO TO A DIPLOMACY CONVENTION or whatever. Spend it all right away or use me as a bank to cover hobby activities for years. What must you do to win? Get me a letter to the editor for TAP from the person we're searching for.
This is very important, just finding them doesn't do it. They have to write me a letter. The final judge as to the winner of any contest will be the target himself and I reserve the right to investigate the winning entry. When you find someone I'm looking for, you should ask him to send me a letter for print that includes a verification of who "found" him.

The British representative is the editor of Mission From God, John Harrington. John may be contacted at 1 Churchbury Close, Enfield, Middlesex EN1 3UW, UK.
E-Mail: fiendish of, John.Harrington of
Please include the full name and address of the foreign publisher with your order, if possible, as well as the szine title. Make your check in US dollars out to me personally or in GBP to John if you're doing things from that end. I will conduct business for Canadians as well, if I can, but prefer to deal in US dollars with them if possible, or Canadian dollars cash. To subscribe to American szines, the system works in reverse.
We have added a European continental representative, most of this traffic likely will occur between Ronald Camstra (in the Netherlands) and John Harrington, but if anyone here in the US wants to get money into Euros, we'll try to help you out. Ronald Camstra can be contacted at siedler of and his home address is: Wielingenplein 48, 3522 PE Utrecht, the Netherlands. But in Holland it is most common not to send checks but to transfer money by bank. Dutch people can pay directly to Postbankaccount 4652247 of Ronald Camstra in Utrecht. Since he can see the name and address of the sender in his bankreceipt, people only have to mention the name of the zine and the editorial address along with their bank order. Ronald is obviously a huge Settlers of Catan fan. If you're interested in playing that game internationally by mail, I think Ronald can help you out.
We also have reopened a branch office of the International Subscription Exchange in Australia!! Brendan Whyte, the publisher of the excellent szine Damn the Consequences will be doing the honors, taking over in some sense from John Cain, who was the Australian rep for many years. You can contact Brendan to sub to Australian szines from the US or to sub to US szines from Australia, converting Australian dollars into American ones. We are now maneuvering deals to Europe from the other reps as well. You can find Brendan Whyte at bwhyte of (note that this is a new E-Mail address for Brendan) or by mail to send checks at: Geography Dept., University of Melbourne, Vic 3010, AUSTRALIA. This should help out my Australian subbers!!

WorldMasters 2002 Email Diplomacy Tournament First Round has ended and Round 2 is well underway.
See for full details. Since I didn't get sufficient interest to get a team in, I am back on the WorldMasters Tournament Management Committee again.
I received the following exchange from Egg (Egbert Ferreira) and Toby Harris. I make no claims on whether it makes any sense, but to be fair, Egg is Brazilian and English is not his first language. And yes, any board with the two of them on it MUST be some kind of board of death!!

Toby Harris (Sun, 19 Oct 2003 14:08:34 -0500)
Yo, Jimbo, "board of death ?" ... maybe so. But some of us should scrape through in second or third, whilst others? Well, here's a little something for your zine. Enjoy!

An Ode to an Egg, by Toby Harris
Humpty Numpty sat on his wall, with allies aplenty, puppets `n' all.
He sailed his fleets to Swe via Den, but one year later he lost it again!
His bullshit profound, hed say "Hey Toby! Ill take the Lowlands, you take Nairobi."
He chuckled and laughed with the hun on his side. Humpty was having a real swell ride.
But then one day Humpty got bitten by his pup: out of the blue a new F(Kie) popped up!
Poor Humptys plots and plans had been foiled, for the time had come for the egg to be boiled.
Four minutes for soft, ten for hard, the egg shell had cracked, taken off guard.
The moral dear friend, dear friend, dear friend, is dont send your allies around the bend.
Humpty dealt too much shit and constantly lied and now it is time for the egg to be fried.
So the Worldmasters continues with glittering trophies, and the winners, the glory, the players... the Tobies :-)
The weakies all gone, as well as the numpties. So wipe that tear from your eye as you bid adios to Humpty.
Toby, tobyh of
((For the "Numpties" among us, which countries are everyone playing here? I know I ***should*** be following it more closely. Is Egg France?? Turkey in this game does look like he's going to sail away with it unless someone stops him QUICK!))

Toby Harris (Tue, 21 Oct 2003 03:29:50 -0500)
I'm France, Egg's England. Fair comment about Turkey but I think he'll lose a centre this year to Austria.
Cheers, Toby, tobyh of
((And if I just read the poem more carefully, 'twould have been obvious.))

Egbert Ferreira (Tue, 21 Oct 2003 12:46:23 -0200)
That is why you are my idol! :-))) I will avenge myself, Toby... You can wait for that!! ;-))) (BTW... What is a Humpty!?!? Sorry... Portuguese speaker, you know... Now see things thru my perspective...
If I lose, I lose to the master of gloating, to a good friend, to a good man and to a beer-addicted, despite I also lose to a extremely egocentric annoying man! ;-)
((That may well be the most complete description of Toby Harris ever written.))
If I win... Well, if I win, then I defeated my biggest paradigm, I fulfill my objective to defeat you that I had since WM99R1, I can gloat on you (now that is good...) and I can even feel more confident than I already am! :-) (Jim-Bob must have fallen out of the chair now!! :-p )
((You mean that's even possible??))
Despite this I will be sad that you are not around in the semi and Toby knows it would hurt me MUCH! ;-)))
Now... If I can convince this bastard to accept a draw where BOTH of us could advance or else convince him to be a BIT more patient than he is then I will consider myself a GOD!!!! :-))))))))))
BTW... Jim-Bob... I am constantly at 90% with Toby and it is tied so far, despite I am (was...) still winning! ;-) hehehe.... Perhaps it is time to burn a 120% burst now! :-))) LOL! ((You are acknowledged by me to be THE absolute master of the 120% burst when necessary to make that ONE move come out in your favor. I bow to your skill....))
And guys... What is BOLLOCKS?!?!? Toby called me that ugly name at some moment when he was losing and I still miss the translation!!! :-/
[ ]s, Egg, The arrogant (according to Jim-Bob) Dipper! :-), egbert of

Toby Harris (Wed, 22 Oct 2003 14:59:33 -0500)
Egg, I thought you knew. There is no "Humpty Numpty", but there is a character called "Humpty Dumpty", which I changed to reflect the sign of our Diplomacy times with Numpties.
Humpty was a fine character ;-) He is also .... an egg !!!
He is a children's nursery rhyme character and the rhyme goes:
Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.
Soooooo, what with you being an "egg","Humpty Numpty" being rather fitting for our game, and what I believe to be maybe not so much a "fall" but more of a hiccup in our game ... it all seemed to fit.
Just a shame you didn't understand it !!
"Bollocks", I already explained. I don't know the Portuguese equivalent but believe in Spanish it's "Cochonas". If you need further explanation, it's that little collection of dangly balls in your trousers ;-)
Anyway, I can't stay here gossiping to you Numpties all nite ... I've got some serious Diplomacy to do to win over a new-found ally ;-) Egg, he now wants me to support him into NTH! What will you do about that I wonder?
As before, I'll give you an olive branch if you want it ... but you'll need to succumbre to trusting me to give you second place. You should trust me really ... Jim will vouch for me that I ALWAYS give my allies what I promise ;-)
Cheers, Toby, tobyh of
((I will solemnly swear that Toby always gives an ally precisely what he promises him, no more and no less. If I were you, Egg, I'd take the deal. PS Humpty Numpty is SOOOO perfect.))

Toby Harris (Wed, 22 Oct 2003 15:21:29 -0500)
Y'see, Egg? Y'see??!! Stick with me and we'll take Germany out FAST !!!!!
Cheers, Toby, tobyh of

Egbert Ferreira (Wed, 22 Oct 2003 19:43:00 -0200)
Hi! I am back from hell now! I formatted my pc AGAIN yesterday nite!! DAMMMMMIT! Now I bought a Norton AV... ((Virus protection is SOOO essential these days....))
Sorry, pal! :-) I wish I had undertood! :-/ "And what is dangy?!!" Dammit... Portuguese is SO different! :-(((
You supporting me to Nth!? Sorry... Germany cannot hit Nth 2x!
Is that true, Jim!? ;-)
[ ]s, Egg. egbert of
((Egg, you can believe every word I say as a Diplomacy player, even about other Diplomacy players.))

Egbert Ferreira (Wed, 22 Oct 2003 19:46:07 -0200)
And what the promises he made me so far should I believe!??!!
The one he says he is tired of this game, the one who he says that we shouldn't talk anymore or the one he says that he is gonna kick my eggy ass?!?! ;-))
Or the one that he promises me flowers to stab Germany!?! ;-)))
Egg. egbert of
((Oh, that's too complicated for me, who's to say? I will say that he uses the one about "I'm tired of this game" as a bit of a ploy....))

Toby Harris (Wed, 22 Oct 2003 16:44:46 -0500)
"What is dangy ?" Dammit Egg, dangLy!!! It means "they dangle" ... those little round objects that hang in your pants ... balls, man, BALLS!!!! Ok?
Cheers, Toby, tobyh of

Egbert Ferreira (Wed, 22 Oct 2003 19:50:17 -0200)
Ok, and now tell me...
What is your plan!? I lost ALL my emails! :-((
Egg. egbert of
((I hope you all enjoyed that exchange.... Egg and Toby are two of MY favorite people in the hobby.... ))

DIPDOM NEWS SECTION (with letters)
Obscure and not-so-obscure ramblings on the state of the hobby and its publications, custodians, events, and individuals with no guarantee of relevance from the fertile keyboard of Jim-Bob, the E-Mail Dip world, and the rest of the postal hobby. My comments are in italics and ((double quotation marks)) like this. Bold face is used to set off each individual speaker. I should also make a note that I do edit for syntax and spelling on occasion.
The game Diplomacy is a copyrighted product owned by Hasbro and all reproductions or other use of that material in this szine is intended to be personal use and not infringe on those rights in any way. All reproductions are done at a heavy financial loss to the editor and thus are without the remotest possibility of commercial intent, except to promote THE game, the Game of Diplomacy, which you all should purchase from Hasbro or other duly licensed distributors.
In what I believe is a RECENT change, Hasbro also has been putting the rules to Diplomacy up on their web page along with rules for most of their other games. Not only that, but they have the "current" as well as an older version of the rules there. Stephen Agar has matched that and more with some of the even older rulebooks. Check these out if you like:
Nice of them to make BOTH of these available. And all seven different US rulebooks for Diplomacy can now be found here courtesy of Stephen Agar (relatively new address for this):

Check out back issues of Diplomacy World -
As we tried to get together last Fall's issue, it became clear to all of us that the current editorial structure has failed. The new issue is almost put together, but needs a new lead editor. Stephen is backing away, I'm not at all prepared to go it alone, and certainly Dave Partridge isn't ready to take it over. But the framework is there. Rather than publish a substandard issue of what we have, let's declare failure and see if anyone cares enough to step forward as lead editor. It probably doesn't help that the new lead editor for the Diplomatic Pouch, Edward Hawthorne, has ten times my hobby energy and is running around like a vacuum cleaner scooping up all the writers (even me, I'm writing for him first, he's SO persuasive!) for the expanded and back on schedule Pouch. I do think there is more than enough room for both, especially since the Diplomatic Pouch is ONLY available on the Web, but if someone else doesn't think so, then so be it. I've heard almost nothing on this lately, so it is getting close to going away, but who knows, someone may get frisky. Nothing new yet.

Bernie or Buddy Tretick (Sun, 28 Sep 2003 14:37:34 -0400)
Hey! Gee, guy! There just has to be at least one vote for the infamous Buddy Tretick, aka Bernie Oaklyn, who just happened to live on Oaklyn Drive [so what!]. Gee, golly, gosh, I am sure Jim Tretick [are you sure you are my son, Jim?], and probababababableeee, the other Jim who is not sure of ... Burgess, himselflessness. ((As always, I bow before your wisdom and tradition.))
After all, was it not Buddy Tretick that fueled the fires of hell in Rod Walker for so many decades, and who besmirched the smirch on that rude host, Fred Hyatt for more and more decades. Was it not Buddy Tretick, aka Bernie Oaklyn, who kept all of those legal weenies trying to prove or disprove one way or the other who was whom, or whom was who. ((Indeed, I think everyone is more relaxed these days. Note all the people on my sublist (including Rod Walker....).))
Wasn't it Bernie Oaklyn, aka Buddy Tretick, who had the most organized gamezine ever? Yeah, yeah, that includes Jim-Bob-Boy's gamezines, or doesn't necessarily disclude those gamezines that are stuck solid to the glue on a clamped envelope that is, shall we say, brown in color. ((Well, it was pretty darn well organized, and FAR better organized than mine. More than that, I shall not say.))
Come on, Jim! I have a right to have fun at anyone's expense. I survived 8 twisters over this past summer, all right next door to my subdivision [no, I don't mean down the center of my head!]. I survived a flooded basement. And, I was [just last week] rear ended once more, and hurt a bit I might add. And, over four years, had ten trees drop down and barely miss my house. ((Maybe you should be more proactive about tree cutting.... ;-) Or maybe not.))
Sure, you can publish all of that with my blessings.
Bernie, Buddy, batretick of
((I will, and I didn't make North American DipCon, but I thought I'd publish the results....))

Official Tempest/DipCon Results
Chris Kulander Clown Prince of Diplomacy: Matt Shields
Three Stooges (Best Puppet): Brad Rosman
You Should've Stayed Sober: Ike Porter
You Should've Got Drunk: Jim O'Kelley ((You Shark Chum you....))
The Hunter (Most Scalps): Edward Hawthorne
Player's Choice: David Hood
Director's Choice: Kayley Pasko, Jon Saul
Best Rookie: Kai Hunter
Cool Rookies: Melissa Bird, Chris Glassburn, Evan Perlman, Adam Sigal
The Director Screwed Up and You Should've Got A Cool Rookie: Mark Zoffel
Dead Meat Award: Jeff Ladd
Rusty Blade: David Hood
Golden Blade: Edward Hawthorne
Team Champions: "How Does He Yell That Loud?": Doug Moore, Brian Shelden, Andy Bartalone ((I didn't think Brian was that loud!!))
Best Austria: Andy Bartalone
Best England: Jeff Dwornicki
Best France: Doug Moore
Best Germany: David Hood
Best Italy: Graham Woodring
Best Russia: Lisa Foster
Best Turkey: Joe Wheeler
7th Place: Brian Shelden; 6th Place: Tom Kobrin; 5th Place: Doug Moore; 4th Place: Andy Bartalone; 3rd Place: David Hood; 2nd Place: Lisa Foster; 1st Place: Edward Hawthorne!
Eastern Swing Champion: Andy Bartalone
Detailed scores follow.
Best, Marshall ((Thanks, Andy!!!))

Tempest V Player Scores
1 Edward Hawthorne 47.667 47.333 150 48.333 246
2 Lisa Foster 150 0 47 48.667 245.667
3 David Hood 0 46.667 48.333 150 245
4 Andy Bartalone 3 150 0 48.333 201.333
5 Doug Moore 72 49 48 49.333 170.333
6 Tom Kobrin 70 4 48.333 49.333 167.667
7 Brian Shelden 70 47.333 46.667 0 164
8 Jeff Dwornicki 0 150 4 0 154
9 Jerry Fest 36.5 48 68 1 152.5
10 Tom Pasko 72 5 68 0 145
((That is a stellar and highly experienced Top 10!! And, hey, they're a Duck there just out of that group... some Shark Chum just below that...))
11 Nathan Barnes 36.5 0 47 48.333 131.833
12 Don Williams 48.333 69 0 2 119.333
13 Eric Mead 0 5 47 49.333 101.333
14 Jim O`Kelley 48.333 49 0 2 99.333
15 Andy Batchelor 4 46.667 48 0 98.667
16 Edi Birsan 0 47.333 46.667 0 94
17 Chris Glassburn 47.667 0 5 36.5 89.167
17 Mike Barno 5 46.667 37.5 1 89.167
19 Kai Hunter 0 47.333 37.5 0 84.833
20 Eric Carr 0 0 48 36.5 84.5
21 Dave Maletsky 70.5 4 4 0 78.5
22 Gregg Harry 4 69 5 1 78
23 Joe Wheeler 70.5 0 0 0 70.5
24 Graham Woodring 0 3 5 48.667 56.667
25 Tim Yocum 47.667 3 1 4 54.667
26 Matt Shields 0 0 5 48.667 53.667
27 Monty Carlisle 0 49 4 0 53
28 Rich O`Brien 0 48 3 0 51
29 Brad Rosman 47.667 3 0 0 50.667
30 Steve Emmert 48.333 1 0 0 49.333
31 John Saul 0 47.333 1 0 48.333
31 Brian Ecton 0 0 48.333 0 48.333
33 Hudson Defoe 0 48 0 0 48
34 Mark Zoffel 47.667 0 0 0 47.667
34 Conrad Woodring 47.667 0 0 0 47.667
36 Ike Porter 0 47.333 0 0 47.333
37 Lori Fleming 0 0 46.667 0 46.667
38 David Norman 3 0 0 36.5 39.5
39 Adam Sigal 36.5 0 0 2 38.5
40 Bill Hackenbracht 0 0 37.5 0 37.5
40 Martin Smith 0 0 37.5 0 37.5
42 Mikey Hall 36.5 0 0 0 36.5
42 Eric Hunter 0 0 0 36.5 36.5
44 Ben Teixeira 5 5 0 0 10
44 Steve Mauris 5 5 0 0 10
46 Buz Eddy 5 0 0 0 5
46 Roy Rink 4 0 1 0 5
48 Evan Perlman 2 0 0 2 4
48 Colin Davis 0 4 0 0 4
48 Mark Fassio 0 4 0 0 4
((A Fassio in 50th, say it ain't so! Maybe he DID need me to be there.... whoops and then a Rick Desper after that? Rick's better than that...))
51 Rick Desper 2 1 0 0 3
51 Tim Richardson 3 0 0 0 3
53 Corey Mason 2 0 0 0 2
54 Robert Link 1 0 0 0 1
54 Bruce Ray 0 0 1 0 1
54 Jason McConney 0 0 1 0 1
57 Greg Fairbanks 0 0 0 0 0
57 Rob Cochran 0 0 0 0 0
57 Dan Mathias 0 0 0 0 0
57 Donald Woodring 0 0 0 0 0
57 Melissa Bird 0 0 0 0 0
57 Jeff Ladd 0 0 0 0 0

Tell me anything you like about the recent past in music. List a top two, a top ten, or a top 100, I don't care, just tell me something!!

Steve Langley (Tue, 30 Sep 2003 20:56:05 EDT)
"The Rundown" === a movie
The Rock rocks. "The Rundown" is an action movie with actual humor instead of the lame one-liners one usually hears. The Rock, who is billed that way in the credits, has all the moves, the physic, and an actual personality.
Pretty simple story. "Beck" (The Rock) is a retrieval expert. Considering the people for whom he works, leg breaker is as accurate a description of his job. He works for a bookie and he collects outstanding debts. He is in hock to the bookie himself, so he is actually working to reduce his own debt rather than for any real gain.
He is sent to Brazil deep into the Amazon Jungle to retrieve `Travis' (Seann William Scott) the son of the Bookie. This isn't a family thing exactly. The kid has made some serious enemies, and his father plans to turn him in to curry favor.
Anyway, The Rock goes into the jungle, where he finds a slave labor camp, rebels, wild animals, and `Travis'. When he first asks for directions to `Travis' he is advised to "Follow the trail of bullshit, the kid never stops talking."
Really great fight scenes. The fact that The Rock is a professional wrestler doesn't hurt. Her knows how to make a fight look real.
Steve, Steflan of
((Yeah, I've been seeing all of the Rock movies and appreciating his development as a great action movie star. I say that even though I never ever watch professional wrestling and the first time I ever saw the Rock was in a movie, and I had no idea who he was.))

Steve Langley
"Once Upon the Time in Mexico" === a movie
This is a "Robert Rodriguez Flick". It says so in the titles. "Shot, Chopped, and Scored by" seems to me there were a couple other credits as well - Written by - Directed by - He even wrote the song over the closing credits. Now the man has a great light side. The "Spy Kids" movies attest to that. Turns out he also has a dark side.
I first saw him in his dark side in the movie "Desperado". In it he brought back "El Mariachi" (Antonio Banderas) the legendary Mexican gunfighter. In "Once Upon a Time" Banderas returns again as the mythic Mexican gunfighter. I think you get raised from legendary to mythic by being killed, and living through it. In both movies some of the best action scenes are from stories told about "El", not directly from the story being told by the movie.
The story is too complicated to follow exactly. There are three groups of police or government agents. Some of these are honest, some not, some it is hard to say. There is a good government official, and his right hand man who is bad, a Mexican general who is very bad, the head of a drug cartel, his underling, and a whole bunch of cannon fodder from all sides. And, of course, El Mariachi and his side men, who play guitar and automatic weapons. All have their own agendas and when they collide there is action and double crosses and triple crosses.
Best in show goes to Johnny Depp who plays `Sanders' the psycho CIA agent who has masterminded the entire thing. Well, more or less, turns out he is being played as well. Like I said, complicated story. Lots of action, lots of gun fights, lots of incredible stunts.
Steve, Steflan of
((I haven't gotten Charlotte in to see this one yet, so I may have to see it on video. I really like Rodriguez's varying styles.))

Steve Langley (Fri, 24 Oct 2003 20:44:19 EDT)
"Mystic River" === a movie
There really is a river named Mystic. The book takes its name from the river, probably because it is such a cool name. The book is a very complex study of character, mostly from the inside. That is to say, there is a lot of internal thought process. The characters are all wound up in their own internal worlds. Not the easiest book to turn into a movie.
Somehow Clint Eastwood managed to do so. He had to suggest pages of internal argument with the facial expressions of his actors. There is a lot of pain, a lot of anger, a lot of hurt portrayed here.
The story starts when one of three friends, not yet teens, is taken off in a car by two sexual predators. His body manages to escape them several days later. His mind escaped sooner. The person who grew up in the body kept himself separate from the boy who escaped the wolves. He liked to tell his own son the story of the boy who escaped the wolves.
One of the other two grew up to go to prison, taking the fall alone rather than ratting on his friends. The third grew up to be a cop.
Twenty seven years later the 19 year old daughter of the ex-con is murdered. Unraveling the killing brings the three back together. They each have their own story.
Sean Penn plays `Jimmy' the ex-con who sort of runs the neighborhood. He has his own business, employees, friends, and the old gang that he led still look to him for leadership. Sean Penn does some amazing acting in the roll.
Tim Robbins plays `Dave' the abused one. Despite being the largest of the three leads he manages to make himself the weakest and least assertive person on screen. Some more amazing acting.
Kevin Bacon plays `Sean' the kid who grew up to be a cop. He does a great job, but suffers in comparison to the other two.
Laurence Fishburne plays `Whitey Powers', Sean's detective partner. Whitey is an old time Irish cop. He likes Dave for the murder. His attempts to get evidence against Dave muddies the case.
Great acting, good plot. Eastwood has the touch.
Steve, Steflan of

Andy York (Mon, 15 Sep 2003 14:30:33 -0400)
Last night I went to the regional premiere of "Secondhand Lions" which comes out this Friday (it was filmed in/around Austin). Your comment in the latest TAP about wanting "good trailers" was echoed at the Q&A after the showing. The writer/director (Tim McCanlies) received a question about why there is a scene in the trailer that doesn't appear in the movie (it was cut as being redundant, in the final edit as an earlier, similar, scene conveyed the message). He responded that the folks who put the trailers together get access to ALL the filmed scenes and (apparently) put the trailers together before the movie has finished editing. In fact, I had the impression that this trailer was completed before they even finished filming (in April the ending was reshot due to test audience reaction - McCanlies feels that this ending is better). The upshot is the people putting together the trailer are only interested in filling seats (i.e. use the best shots to entice folks in) and do their work independently of the film makers.
As for the film, it is certainly one for the entire family. Though it is listed as PG, it is just over the G level - as I recall, one off-color word, minor violence (contextually necessary), use of guns and some "dream-like" sequences of battles, sword play and such. It is a wonderful coming of age story with a withdrawn youth dropped off at his two uncles' house - who he's never met - to spend the summer. How he grows and slowly discovers what they have done in the past (mixed with rumors and stories) is the theme, and it is artfully done with touching scenes and humorous turns.
At the premiere, and the after party, not only was McCanlies (also directed Dancer, TX) accepting accolades from the theater goers, but he expressed a bit of worry that the movie wouldn't pull in audiences. He stressed that the movie is really for "everyone" but that movie marketing doesn't really know how to handle that angle. They are good at marketing for specific interested (i.e. horror films, action, etc) but, without that hook, they have trouble putting together an effective marketing campaign. Overall, though, he does seem optimistic about the film's success.
The other "headliner" at the premiere and after party was Haley Joel Osment (the young lead, to Michael Caine and Robert Duvall). He had a number of good stories about the movie, including when the pig went for his throat, and was really down-to-earth. Unlike a number of child actors, moving into more adult roles, he seems to be picking the roles he wants and not just trying to earn money, capitalizing on his reputation. One thing he pointed out at the Q&A was that he looks for roles that are different to help stretch his skills rather than doing the same type of character time and again.
If you see the movie, let me know what you think.
-Andy, wandrew of
((Here was my immediate response by E-Mail to Andy: Thanks, I'll definitely see it! It's been on my list for awhile. Last night I saw two really good trailers that are the exception that proves the rule..... One had just an overhead shot circling a bar for Mystic River that really made me want to see the movie even though there were NO people and NO dialogue in it. The other was for a romantic comedy (I forget the name of it so I'm sure this shoots my argument in the foot) where they had lots of what seemed like random vignettes. I couldn't tell order or plot from it at all! That was good.))
((And now, after seeing the movie. I did like the ending the way they did it as I saw it. I do think, though, that the "facts" of the endings of movies are not as important as directors and executives make them out to be. After a LONG sequence of seeing some really putrid summer movies (like the Hulk and a number of others that I luckily can't even recall at the moment)... there are much better movies out there this fall! I haven't seen Mystic River quite yet, but it's out. Next up, we have Ian Moore, who happens to date his letter on my birthday!))

Ian Moore (29-9-2003)
Hi Jim! I've decided it's high time I dashed off another letter to your szine.
It was interesting to read how some mickey mouse electronic voting software is being introduced in the USA. ((It's interesting how that excited people. Somewhere in here I'll slip in some more about it if people want to know more. It is unfortunate that life in the US is so complex these days that things can be "exposed" that don't bear the light of day well at all, but people just don't pay attention long enough to do anything about them. I must reluctantly include myself in this. I don't do anything about these things. Our society over here, in some scary and fundamental ways, is turning into a society of whiners - I believe you call in whinging, and why is that again? - this works from the top [George Bush whining that no one seems to understand the compassion in his foreign policy approach.... really, he means it] down to our children who probably have far too much of their whining catered to.))
Our elections look like they're going down a similar road, with paper ballots due to be replaced by electronic voting at the next election. The system is not open source, so we've only the software vendor's word for it that the system works and isn't vulnerable to hacking or manipulation. I'm dead against electronic voting. I think it's a fundamentally bad thing to switch from a transparent system like paper ballots to something so opaque. In the USA, are these machine running Diebold software likely to be used everywhere, or just in some states and cities? ((First of all, our systems on these sorts of things are highly decentralized, so you can be pretty sure that there won't be just one system or standard. One of the mysteries of IT is why society (and it is true absolutely everywhere, ubiquitous in every business and setting) allows the IT people to be a community unto themselves which then dictates that the proprietary software that they write for any system must be used and probably can't talk to other systems. If you want a system to talk to another system, you get more smoke and mirrors, and another system that does nothing except transfer the data between the systems. Expect this to happen with the voting data. Yet, as you hint, the real issue is much deeper than that. IBM has been working to try to understand these fundamental relationships with IT, data, and technology. Of course, they are highly unlikely to break down the status quo which brings them much of their profits, but to their credit they are at least trying to understand it better. It is a simple but real truth, that a drive for "accurate data", handed over to IT people to solve, is sure to ignore some essential aspect of the context or communities in the situation and end up not meeting the needs or requirements set out at the beginning. I think it's very important (see reluctance above) that the fault lies in ourselves, not the usually very earnest and hard working IT people.))
Meanwhile, Brendan Whyte mentions the film "Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress". I'm sorry I missed this film, as I tend to like Chinese movies. Is that one directed by the same guy who did "The Blue Kite"? I liked that a lot. That "Nowhere in Africa" film sounds interesting too. I think it either has been and gone here without registering it, or it never made it here in the first place. Oh well. ((Have you gotten the new Cate Blanchett movie about your little town yet? I found "Veronica Guerin" to be fascinating in both the look around the edges of your town and in Cate's acting - she's one of the few people who really bury herself in roles, so much so that she's actually better when she doesn't lead a movie like she does here. The movie making style and directorial choices I liked a little less well at times, but at least it wasn't overtly manipulative like the standard Hollywood film is. For those that haven't seen it or heard about it, I'll only say that Dublin has a dark side and keeping with some of the themes here, when people try to expose that dark side, those people don't take kindly to being exposed. And the battle to get people to pay attention to what you're exposing is still a battle in Ireland too, isn't it.))
And John Harrington mentions the Right Said Fred album (er, their first one, they have at least one other). That's an enjoyable record, I seem to recall. Did they only have the one hit over in the USA? ((Yeah, and I don't think I ever heard the whole album, OR the second one.)) That means you missed "Deeply Dippy", which I think might have been an even bigger hit than "I'm Too Sexy". It's a gorgeous love song, primarily acoustic, the kind of one you'd sing to a loved one on your anniversary or something.
It's nice to see his further comments reigniting the old Blur v. Oasis thing. My dislike of Blur ((You dislike Blur?!?!?!?!)) is primarily down to a dislike of Damon Albarn as a human being, but Blur are obviously a better band than Oasis. ((I don't really know, since the only two things I know for sure that Damon is responsible for are the lyrics ["He's a 20th century boy, with his hands on the rails; Trying not to be sick again and holding on for tomorrow." is OK - from "For Tomorrow" on Modern Life is Rubbish - but songs like "She's so High" off Leisure that go on and on with "She is so high I want to crawl all over her, she doesn't help me, she is so high.... etc." repetition can get annoying to be sure] and the singing [which I do adore tremendously]. He does play spots of keyboards - I really like his Solina Organ fills on the aforementioned "For Tomorrow"accentuating all those cool minor chord shifts (they actually list all the chords in the lyrics here, which is strange since all of their other covers are so minimalist). BUT, if he is responsible for the generally atrocious CD covers then I might agree. I don't pay any attention to Damon as a person, I'm not sure I've ever seen him interviewed.)) It's amazing that the latter are still going - I have real difficulty imagining why anyone would still be buying their later releases. ((I've always had real difficulty imagining why anyone would ever have bought any of their releases, so I'm the wrong one to ask....)) What do you make of the new post-Graham Coxon Blur album? ((Hmmm, I've missed it, I suspect that they'd miss his guitarwork a lot. Though perhaps I'd be wrong.))
I haven't seen "Terminator 3" because it all sounded a bit pointless, but I was amused by Tim Miller's description of Schwartzenegger as "ever reliable". My own experience is that any film in which he has a speaking part is one to be avoided. It must be great living in California where there's a good chance he could become the next Governor. ((Which now of course has already happened, while I agree with the sentiment, I don't have quite the negative visceral reaction.)) I bet people already are thinking the Dead Kennedys' "Kalifornia /Über Alles" could be rewritten to be about Governor Schwartzenegger. ((If no one thought about it, they should.))
Steve Langley's film reviews are always fascinating. I think of myself as someone who likes films, so it's funny how few films he reviews I've seen. I haven't seen "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" yet, as it hasn't opened here (and well never, it's got incredibly bad word of mouth). I do intend to go and see it, as I enjoyed the comic, but one of my pals saw it and used phrases like "the worst film ever made" to describe it. Still, how reliable is he, he liked "A Life Less Ordinary" (a truly spanky film) and my own tastes in film can be a bit tendentious (I love the Joel Schumacher "Batman" films and "The Avengers"). ((Yeah, you know I really, really liked "the Avengers". I thought it was well done and arch, with hints of the old series just enough to ground you without abnormally raising comparisons with other actors. If you missed it, rent it and have an enjoyable evening.)) I bet the film tones down the extent to which the Invisible Man is a really creepy sociopath.
By the way, as a pedant, I must point out the Fu Manchu character's hideout in the comic was in Limehouse, not Soho. And having Mina Harker in the film as a vampire who can walk around in daylight is entirely true to the way vampires work in "Dracula" the novel.
"Pirates of the Caribbean" - I've seen this one. I think it belongs in the world of films that are quite good rather than ones that are amazingly brilliant. It does go on a bit and I think it might have been better with less overt comedy in it (but retaining the campness).
On to 274... Rick Desper boosts "The Pianist", and now I'm sorry I missed it. I don't share his hostility towards "Schindler's List". I found it a genuinely fascinating film and one which didn't seem to slip into the same kind of clichés that Spielberg usually does. I'm not really a connoisseur of Holocaust films so I don't really have much to compare it to.
I saw Charlie Chaplin's "The Great Dictator" recently when it was paying a visit to the local arthouse cinema. It's the one in which Chaplin plays both a Jesish barber and Adolf Hitler. Chaplin's comedy hasn't really aged well, but I found the film worked well as a meditation on intolerance and the nature of Fascism. I think I must be some kind of overly sentimental person, because I found Chaplin's "Why can't we just get along?" speech genuinely affecting. I think, though, that what makes this film so moving is that it was made and set at a time when the full awfulness of the Nazis had not become apparent - they are violent, boorish thugs, but it still seemed inconceivable that they could unleash something like the extermination camps. ((When good people put their heads in the sand....))
I loved "Memento", but I think it's a real watch-once kind of film. There should be a law against watching the scenes in the right order.
That whole discussion of twists in films was interesting. It is true that in most whodunnits the killer is the most prominent supporting actor. The twist in "Minority Report" is also amusing for being the same twist that's in "LA Confidential". ((LA Confidential is another underappreciated film and it had the twist first....)) In a way, I'd love to go back to being able to just watch films without analyzing them, so that I would be able to just enjoy those "Blimey! His best friend is the killer!" moments.
Still, some films have twists that no one could see coming, e.g. "From Dusk Till Dawn" (still banned in Ireland, as far as I know). ((Do you really still have trouble with the Catholic Church causing certain types of artworks to be banned? If spam continues much longer, I might become in support of a worldwide ban on pornography, much as my social conscience hates the idea. Then the cyber police could go after all those pornographers and porn would go back to the old undergrounds it used to be in before it infiltrated the Internet..... I'm convinced that there WILL be long term social consequences from this if it continues. Really.))
I've never seen "The Usual Suspects" and don't really know anything about it apart from who Keyser Soze is. ((It still is very much worth seeing, even if you know, though it tends to be one of those films that one either adores or loathes.)) I heard that they did actually film several endings to it. In fact, I heard a story of a vitriolic Gabriel Byrne assaulting the director at the first press screening, screaming "I thought I was Keyser Soze!"
A film I really liked recently was "Belleville Rendezvous" (or "Les Triplettes De Belleville"). It's a French animated film with almost no dialogue (actually - no dialogue) so it survives well being shown in the Anglophone world. It's a great film if you like music, cycling, dogs, or car chases.
There's not much talk about The Current International Crisis in your szine. Have you declared it off limits or is everyone bored with it? ((Nothing is off limits, I suppose I am bored with the discussion of it on some level. It fascinated me as Bush was putting together the "coalition of reasons and people" to go in, and eventually choosing the Weapons of Mass Destruction as the main issue (for good political reasons, but horrible factual reasons). And it remains depressing as to how slow they are to understand the simple (but difficult for us arrogant humans to grasp) idea of context. I suppose the old Indian sayings about "walking in another person's moccasins" is the most simple way to say it. But we all like to think we understand someone else's place. I suppose if we didn't think that it would inhibit all conversation and communication, but the bigger the scale the more obtuse the result when you fail to admit up-front that you haven't walked in the other guy's moccasins. I love Dip as a game precisely because it makes you confront this so often in such a simple game setting. It also shows you why the "Big Lie" works so much better than the complex and nuanced truth so much of the time. In this case, Bush very directly has decided that he does NOT want to reinforce any constraints on American behavior or policy, so the best way to do that is essentially to ignore the constraints. This works fine on one level and not on other levels. It depends on what level you care about things. Certainly American hegemony is stronger than ever. But the basic facts of what is going on in Iraq do tend to bore me, and it's interesting how suddenly we're all so inured to the one thing that doesn't bore me - all these good American soldiers dying on duty. And that fact alone may kill the volunteer army for the next generation. The repercussions of this will run deep. People don't join the National Guard thinking they will spend a year in Iraq, they think they're joining it so that they can serve their state in times of natural disaster or crisis. It's a fundamental change of the contract without discussion.))
Music - I've been listening to a lot of Kate Bush lately. I've been trying to work out whether "The Kick Inside" is her only good album. ((Before you raised the issue, that's what I would have said.... but admittedly haven't really thought about it for a long time.)) My current position is that is by far her best, although there are other good ones. ((Care to send me on a listen with an idea?)) I do love Kate Bush, though, she is a figure of uncompromising creativity.
Beyond that it's been indie music all the way. I'm getting more hardlinedly into indie music as I get older. I hardly listen to any electronic music these days. Either it's disappeared up its arse or I have. ((I think it's just pretty much gone, I still listen to old Synergy and Klaus Schultz albums sometimes, just for mood and fun.)) I make exceptions for outfits like Broadcast or the popular Icelandic band Múm. I gather, though, that such bands have been snidely dubbed "indietronica" by glitchcore purists. ((Yes, that's about right. Though I was an amazingly intense "Three O'Clock" fan (which some of this music sounds like), I've been ignoring this trend so far, though I've heard a song something like "Green Grass of Tunnel", I think? That sounded interesting.))
I must run now. I hope you can make sense of my spidery handwriting. ((Interestingly enough, I had a lot of transcription going this issue for some reason.... though it slowed the issue down, I love to get real letters!)) Sadly, I've learned from experience that it's handwritten letters or nothing. There should be a copy of a recent Frank's APA szine with this, so you can read about my trip to Glastonbury. Or not.
Best wishes, Ian Moore
((I loved the excerpt! You know, I've been listening a great deal to "I Want to See the Bright Lights Tonight" by Ghod and Linda too for some reason. I'm not entirely sure why. I say that having pretty well absorbed the entire Ghod oeuvre into my subconscious. It resides down there with "Get Happy!" songs by Elvis Costello. And you know, Yes was the first band I ever saw live and in person. You never forget your "first". The old Yes records are out now on well mastered CD after having been tortured for years. I've been itching to pick up "Close to the Edge" but haven't quite done it yet. My old vinyl of that is pretty scratchy. Charlotte does dismiss it Ghod whenever she hears it as too folky (which always is interesting since she still loves Phil Ochs and Bob Dylan), but it IS always context. And "Phaedra" is lots less intense than "Zeit", haven't played Tangerine Dream in even longer....))

Simon Billenness (Sun, 28 Sep 2003 17:05:34 -0700 (PDT))
Hi Jim: Since I'm now all moved in and shacked up with my new sweetheart, Ann, here's my new mailing address: 86 Morrison Avenue, Somerville, MA 02144.
I also have a weblog "Pot of George" if you'd care to learn more about my current exploits:
It now pops up as the first choice whenever anyone googles my name so it's easy to find. ((Yup, I see that.... I've got to get this szine out, but some interesting thoughts as always, perhaps I'll throw in a comment some time.))
Speaking of Google searches, the other day I needed to find out the number of my old apartment on Lancaster Terrace in Brookline. When I searched on my name and the street name, I found my exact address from an old issue of TAP. Thanks for the help!
- Simon, sbillenness of
((You're quite welcome, glad to hear you're doing well! Now we're going to run down baseball memory lane for the last month. I didn't have the heart to reproduce EVERYTHING that was exchanged, and now the Red Sox are looking for a new manager. But at least the Yankees did lose so I don't have to eat a whole Murder of Crows.))

Warren Goesle (Tue, 23 Sep 2003 22:54:50 -0400)
It appears that, when the final chapter is written on the 2003 MLB season, the Yankees will have finished first in the AL East, and the Red Sox will have finished 2nd.
This is how they finished in 2002.
And 2001.
And 2000.
And 1999.
And 1998.
Question: at what point does this cease to be a coincidence?
To paraphrase someone smarter than I: the fight doesn't always go to the strong, nor the race to the swift, nor the division to the well-moneyed. But that's the way to bet.
((Winning the division means less when there is a Wild Card and the Wild Card teams keep winning the World Series. I don't say I don't care about this, but I don't really care about this. I know you do. I like to have Devils in the Playoffs to root against and the Yankees and Braves are just so consistently there and SO consistently deliver on losing, especially recently.))
In fact, the Yankees have made the playoffs every year since MLB added the wild card to the system. So have the Braves. Do the division standings go strictly by who spends the most money every year? No. But that's the way to bet, more so every year.
Give me the NFL, where of the 32 teams 30 of them have a chance to win the Super Bowl every year (the exceptions of course being the management inept Arizona Cardinals and Cincinnati Bengals). Give me NASCAR, where nearly 20 drivers have a chance to win any given race, and 15 have a chance to win the title every year. Heck, give me the NHL, where everyone makes the playoffs every year anyway.
But don't give me any BS about the WS winner not being up for sale. Oh, they let a couple of poor teams in, but only because they created the Central divisions in both leagues. If they took the top 4 from both leagues it would be a different story. Note that I type this as my Cubs are apparently going to pull it out and get to play the Braves in the NLDS. It's still a phyrric victory, as the north siders won't have one of the top 4 records in the NL, and 2 of the higher-spending Phillies, Marlins and Dodgers will stay home in October, despite having a better record.
Goz, Future MLB Commissioner, if MLB is to have a future. wgoesle of

Warren Goesle (Thu, 18 Sep 2003 22:07:02 -0400)
Jim-Bob, Let's play Jeopardy:
The answer is: The President gives a State of the Union address, the Yankees make the playoffs, and the Braves make the playoffs. The question is: Name 3 things that happen once a year.
The answer is: The Red Sox win the World Series, the Cubs win the World Series, and Jim-Bob solos in a Diplomacy game. The question is: Name 3 things that happen once a century. ((I'll have you know that I have soloed more than once AND when the Red Sox WERE winning the World Series, they were more like the Yankees.))
For the record, you can have Kurt Busch, even though he's my second choice for next year's NASCAR champ (behind Ryan's Dodge's turn to win). I've never actually been in a NASCAR fantasy league (or a baseball one either), but I believe that the premise of some of them is that you get a certain dollar amount, and every team out there is worth some money, and you have to buy X number of teams and field something less than X for every race (hint: At Atlanta, play Bobby Labonte). There are other ways to play too, I believe. ((I really don't care enough even to see if I win.))
Let's see, what else was in your, Nathan isn't *quite* ready for a Dip game, though I'd love to see Carol's face if he actually got a letter requesting support into Rumania. ((Just for that reason alone, I should sign him up....))
Yankees win the WS, if they can avoid Hurricane Isabel. Anything after that should be
Goz, wgoesle of
((AT THE TIME I SAID: I gotcha.... we'll see won't we..... I only know who Kurt Busch is because they did a long series on him in our local newspaper awhile back so he was pushed in my face in the same section as Red Sox news. I don't know any of the other guys you mention and don't know this "Atlanta", what is that (for NASCAR races or baseball....)? Seems to me that ONCE in the last decade or so some team with a name like that won the World Series, but all that comes to mind is some horrendous chant that made me turn the TV/radio off every time....))
((NOW I SAY: Hah, WRONG again!!! Yankees are losers....))
PS. Change of address: 148 Walnut Dr., St. Charles, IL 60174. Haven't sold the house yet, and Carol & Nathan are still in Ohio, but we'll get together some day.
((I spent seven years doing what you're doing, I'm happy I'm not doing it any more, but it wasn't horrible.))

Warren Goesle (Fri, 19 Sep 2003 11:59:02 -0400)
Go back and read it again: I said that once a year the Braves and Yankees make the playoffs. I haven't been wrong about that since the strike. Tell me why that's ok.
Goz, wgoesle of
((I read it....that's OK because I see this as the best that can be hoped for. Call me a Settler if you like. As long as there is a Wild Card, I don't care if the Yankees and Braves make the playoffs all the time as long as they don't win the World Series every year. In my view, which I fully recognize is debatable, the Yankees won that string of WS because of O'Neill and Brosius and the other particular leaders in that Yankee clubhouse. My evidence is simply this: those guys left and they stopped winning WS. Torre is the same, Clemens is the same, Bernie and Jeter are the same, but those leaders are gone. I think the key point is that I LIKE seeing the Yankees and Braves get in the playoffs and lose. You hate it. Go Royals!))

Warren Goesle (Tue, 30 Sep 2003 07:16:57 -0400 (EDT))
Jim-Bob, Picks for MLB:
Yankees over Twins in 4. Twins rejoice at winning their first game from the Yankees in 2 years. A's over BoSox in 3. Red Sox don't have the right attitude, and Oakland can pitch, Mulder or not. Braves over Cubs in 5 on a passed ball in the 10th. Bummer. Marlins over Giants in 5. Marlins can also pitch.
Yankees over A's in 5. Braves over Marlins in 6.
Yankees over Braves in 6.
Write it down.
2004 prediction: Yankees win the WS.
2004 prediction: Ryan Newman wins the NASCAR title.
2004 prediction: No one will care who wins the Indy 500. Bummer.
Goz, wgoesle of
((SENT AT THE TIME: Goz, boy, are we opposites.... Twins over Yankees in 4; Red Sox over A's in 3; Cubs over Braves in 5; Giants over Marlins in 5. Then of course, we have entirely different teams in the CS's. I've already said Red Sox over Twins and Giants over Cubs. Then I'm torn. What I'm saying now is that I'll be wrong in one of those and whichever one really makes it will win. You DO know that I consider all this probabilistic, not certain.))
((Scorecard afterward: 50-50 each on the Divisional Series, but you did pick one of the teams in the World Series. You win, but you also lose. Let's see if Rick Desper did any better.))

Rick Desper (Tue, 30 Sep 2003 06:50:02 -0700 (PDT))
First, the regular season awards:
AL: MVP - this one is hard. Lots of sportswriters, led by Peter Gammons, think that the MVP MUST come from a winning team. I think that need not be the case, if the best player is clearly from a weaker team. MVP does not mean best hitter, but most VALUABLE player. Jayson Stark says "what part of `value' do you not understand?" And then goes on to misdefine "value".
Baseball is a team sport. The most valuable player cannot necessarily make up for a weaker team. ((I think Value is defined very simply, how many games would the team have won WITHOUT the valuable player. Texas would have been even worse, far worse down toward Detroit land, without A-Rod.))
Having said all of that, here are the candidates. I'll only pick one per team.
Boston - Pedro Martinez. Should be obvious
Yankees - this is hard. No one player stands out. All of the best candidates had extended downtime, either because of injury or slumps. Giambi was a strong candidate until he tanked down the stretch.
Toronto - Delgado had a great year.
Minnesota - nobody (please! don't bring up Shannon Stewart!)
Chicago - Thomas or Ordonez.
KC - nobody
Oakland - Mulder would have been a good candidate before his injury.
Seattle - All of their best candidates had poor Septembers
I've gotta vote for Pedro. His presence on the mound changes the game more than the presence of any other player in the AL.
Cy Young: I've got to go for Halladay over Pedro based on wins and innings pitched, even though I would take Pedro on the mound over Halladay any day. But 14 wins is not enough for the Cy Young.
Rookie: I'll go with Baldelli over Matsui. Matsui's only really impressive stat is RBI, which is largely a result of playing for the Yankees. Baldelli is a more exciting player in my mind. ((And more of a true rookie, and from Rhode Island to boot.))
Manager: I'll go with Tony Pena, even though the Royals faded down the stretch. ((I agree with that entirely. Pena is going to be the next great manager. Wonder if Boston will trade for him after they dump Grady?))
NL: MVP: this was a two-horse race between Bonds and Pujols. Bonds missed a lot of time at the end of the season. Pujols stands out in more categories. I'll pick Pujols by a nose, but Bonds is also a good choice.
Cy Young: if Greg Gagne doesn't win it will be a scandal. What more can a reliever do? Arguably the best season by a reliever ever.
Rookie: Brandon Webb over Dontrelle Willis
Manager: I'll go with Dusty Baker here. Jack McKeon is also a good choice.
OK, to the playoffs.
Boston over A's in 5. Pedro wins game 1, A's win game 2, Lowe wins at Fenway in game 3, so Grady decides not to start Pedro in game 4, which Hudson wins. Pedro beats Zito in game 5. ((You are a near mind-reader, even though you didn't quite get the order of the wins right.))
Yankees over Twins in 5. Santana steals game 1, but Yankees beat up on Radke in game 2. They go to Minnesota and Clemens pitches a gem to win game 3. Santana comes back to win game 4, but Yankees clinch at home. The Yankees really need to be careful here. Keep in mind that the Twins were the best team in the Majors since the All-Star break. ((You called this one pretty well too!))
NL: Braves over Cubs in 5. The Cubs' lineup is just a little too thin. ((You missed JUST this one!!))
Marlins over Giants in 4. Upset special. I really like the Marlins a lot. Young pitching, lots of speed, clutch hitting and veteran leadership in Pudge. ((Nailed that one!!! Damn.))
ALCS: Red Sox over Yankees in 6 The Red Sox have the patient hitting that can beat the Yankees. Pedro will turn it up a notch to win this series. Might go 7. ((Oh well, indeed....))
NLCS: Braves over Marlins in 7 Ugh, I don't like picking the Braves. ((Then why did you???? You should have known their pitching would fail them in the playoffs.... but who am I to complain??))
World Series: Sox over Braves in 4. OK, 4 is a bit unrealistic. Let's make it 5. They steal one in Atlanta and sweep at home. :)
I really want to pick a Sox-Cubs world series, but I cannot escape the feeling that the Cubs really are the weakest of all the playoff teams.
Rick, rick_desper of
((In retrospect, I think it was clear that it was ATLANTA that was the weakest of the playoff teams. But you win going away, even if you didn't get the Series right, I say. Steve said I could publish this.... a bit old now, but still interesting.))

Steve Emmert (Thursday, September 18, 2003 5:22 AM)
A brief glimpse of life in the path of the storm -
The sun rose unseen over Virginia Beach a few minutes ago. It's there, of course, but no one here will see it today. I'll be content to see it tomorrow.
I'm surprised it's so calm at this point. Now, "calm" is a relative term; there is a stiff breeze running through the trees every now and then, interrupted by moments of ACTUAL calm. But the Weather Channel video of the Virginia Beach oceanfront showed a different picture - steady 30 knot winds and gusts they estimated at about 45 knots. I live only about six or seven miles from where that shot was being filmed, live, less than thirty minutes ago. The difference, I suppose, is the screen of mature trees that occupy most of the peninsula on which we live. Later today, though, that won't be of much help.
I may have mentioned to you that yesterday, in contrast, began as a mockingly beautiful morning, a cloudless sky futilely beckoning me to get out the sticks and go play eighteen. The first rain bands hit at about 4:20 yesterday afternoon, but didn't last long. We had periodic stretches of rain and wind last night, but nothing all that disturbing or unusual for a summer storm.
The surprising thing is the tide. Our house backs up to a finger of Dix Creek, which extends from the Lynnhaven River and thence on into the Chesapeake Bay. I was just outside a few minutes ago, and saw what I generally would regard as a higher-than-normal high tide. The only problem is, we're less than two hours away from LOW tide right now; the high tide that will occur at 3:00 pm today will probably cover about half of my back yard. I have heard estimates of expected storm surges of four to eight feet above normal for the height of the storm here, which should be (gulp!) right around the time of this afternoon's high tide. Still, that much flooding won't reach the foundations of our home, which is about eighteen or nineteen feet above the water level. Some of my neighbors are not so advantageously situated.
I still have power, obviously, but have been cautioned to expect to lose it later today when the storm creeps inland and the wind picks up to eighty knots or so.
For now, we are safe, dry, and comfortable. Callie and The Boss are still horizontal; I've got a couple cups of coffee in my belly, and have a positive outlook about how we'll endure what is to come today. I am sincerely grateful to those of you who have written to express concern and good wishes; one does not easily forget expressions of friendship such as these. I will write later if we have the juice, but in any event will contact somebody once the storm passes.
Best wishes to each of you.
Steve, Still well stocked with bourbon, steve.emmert of

Steve Emmert (Sun, 21 Sep 2003 14:07:58 -0400)
I'm back, and meaner than ever!
Now, then; where to begin . . .?
As Randy and Mike were kind enough to pass along for me, my family and I are all safe and healthy. Our home sustained no damage from the storm; I didn't lose any trees (I do have a lifetime supply of kindling from all the branches that fell). We still have city water and sewer, we have gas for the stove, and for some inexplicable reason, we still have phone service. I have a small generator to run the refrigerator and a couple of small appliances.
But . . . No juice, and no internet (I'm now at a cybercafe). A large tulip poplar fell across the mouth of our cul-de-sac, taking with it a utility pole (including transformer), and both are still lying across our street. Today is the first day I have been able to take my car out of my street since Wednesday. My best estimate for a return to the Twentieth Century (electricity) is another 3 to 7 days. Moving up to the Twenty-First (internet connection) might take a few more days beyond that.
For those of you in my Worldmasters game, I can stop in here from time to time to chat, but I'm not sure I'll be able to devote enough time here to conduct normal negotiations. I propose to give this a try during my lunch hour during the coming week, to see if it gives me enough time to negotiate with some semblance of normalcy. If that doesn't work, I invite you to let Randy know whether you want to wait for me to get back up and running at home, or whether you would prefer that one of my teammates takes over the position for a game year or so.
For what it's worth, I invite everyone to count your blessings. I already have; seeing the pictures of the North Carolina Outer Banks, and of places here in Virginia Beach, where the damage was much worse than what I got, convinces me of how incredibly lucky I am. Yesterday I borrowed a car to drive over to my father's house to check on him (I had no idea whether he was okay or not for three days), and while I was happy to find him healthy (albeit eager for a return of power and phone service), I was horrified at the damage to the neighborhood in which I grew up.
I'll compose more later, but wanted to let everyone know how very much I appreciate your notes of concern and encouragement. I'm fine, and look forward eagerly to get back to schemin'. I will have some pretty cool pictures to bring to Tempest next month.
Very best wishes to each of you. Steve, steve.emmert of
((I'm hoping you won't mind if I print some excerpts from this series of notes in TAP.... I'm glad you are well, and YES, I'm really glad I didn't fly down to DC into the outskirts of this in the middle of the storm (if I could even have done it - I was scheduled to have a meeting in Washington the day of the storm, instead we had an EIGHT hour conference call, pure torture, but at least it was safe). We worry for you, while thanking the lucky stars that it didn't hit us. Be well, my friend!))

Steve Emmert (Tue, 23 Sep 2003 10:36:03 -0400)
Jim, as long as you're interested in running some of my storm commentary, I thought I'd forward this to you. I composed it the day before the hurricane hit, and sent it to the GM and the other players in my WM02 game. I'll send you more later; the current situation is that I still don't have electricity at home, although I do here at work. I expect to be without power for another three to seven days, perhaps more. The novelty has worn off. Best wishes.

Your friendly R212 weather report
Gentlemen - I am writing to you from my office, whence I do not usually conduct diplomacy, just to let you know how things stand here.
The gods are mocking us here in southeastern Virginia; this morning dawned gorgeous, a brilliant sun slowly climbing a cloudless sky. Meanwhile, the aformentioned gods are probably snickering among themselves at what they have in store for us.
According to the latest information I have, we are supposed to get tropical storm force winds sometime late today, and hurricane force winds by tomorrow. This is apparently a very large storm, with a swath of hurricane force winds roughly 300 miles wide. So unless the storm turns left at Albuquerque, it now appears very likely that my city will take a big hit, even if the eye is miles away.
My family is staying put, as is virtually everyone else on my street. I live in a brick ranch house, built 34 years ago; I am convinced that the Big Bad Wolf won't blow it down. The most likely consequence for us, though, will be a loss of electricity, since this is an older neighborhood with lots of mature trees and above-ground power lines. My next-door neighbor, who has lived on this street for about 20 years, told me yesterday that he was absolutely certain we would lose power (he said he'd bet his house on it); the only question was, for how long. The last time we had a significant storm, he said it was out for three days.
This is already a very expensive storm for me, even before the first raindrop falls. We spent $200 on Sunday stocking up on nonperishable food and drinking water, and I plopped down $450 on Monday for a small portable generator. It's big enough to run my refrigerator and a few small appliances, but I do not plan to hook my computer up to it. I plan to survive this storm with my family and my house intact. I'll write to you as soon as I can afterward to confirm how we're doing.
Years ago, when I was young and stupid, I actually looked forward to the experience of a hurricane. It was a thrilling prospect, not to mention a break from the heat of the late summer, and I actually hoped one would come ashore where I lived. Then, one year very recently, we got grazed by one - Floyd, I think, in 1999. It was awful, lying in bed, listening to the wind howl and the rain beat fiercely on your windows, and hoping a tree doesn't fall on your house. I am long since cured of any desire to see a hurricane, but am now resigned to living through another one.
So here I am, and here it comes. I won't ask anyone to pray for me; there are many other people far more in need of that than I am. I am writing, however, to thank you for the very kind expressions of concern and of your well-wishing; that really means a great deal to me.
As for the game, to coin a phrase, I'll Be Back.
Best wishes to each of you. Steve
"So I called up George and he called up Jim, I said let's make a deal.
He said he'd talk to him. Gonna start a church where you can save yourself,
You can make some noise, When you've got no choice...
You told me useful things, what people think of me, I guess I should thank you.
It's true, then I agree... I'm all alone, I've got no choice,
I'm all alone, I've got no choice."
From "Got No Choice" by the incomparable Mark Cutler, from the CD Mark Cutler and Useful Things.
If you want to submit orders, press, or letters by E-Mail, you can find me through the Internet system at "burgess of". If anyone has an interest in having an E-Mail address listed so people can negotiate with you by computer, just let me know. FAX orders to (401) 277-9904 if you let me know in advance to be sure the fax machine is set up.
I am continuing to note cut or failed support orders with a small "s" instead of a capital "S". This will make it easier on the E-Mailed version of the szine to see what happened, since the italics don't show there. The italics DO show on the web page just fine.
Standby lists:
Mike Barno, Dick Martin, Brad Wilson, Jack McHugh, Glenn Petroski, Steve Emmert, Mark Kinney, Vince Lutterbie, Eric Brosius, Paul Rauterberg, Bob Osuch, Doug Kent, Sean O'Donnell, Kevin Wilson, Heath Gardner, Phil Reynolds, Paul Kenny, and Dan Gorham stand by for regular Diplomacy.
Brad Wilson and Jack McHugh stand by for the Modern Diplomacy game.
Let me know if you want on or off these lists, especially OFF. Standbies get the szine for free and receive my personal thanks.

We've got lots of openings in the subszines, check them out!!! Especially, contact Rip Gooch for Railway Rivals, see Rip's subszine elsewhere in most issues of TAP. Come on, help me out!!! Contact Rip Gooch directly at xyropedes of
I also am starting a game of the variant I designed, Spy Diplomacy. Signups for that are now open. I'll publish the rules shortly or you can look at them at Bruce Edwards is signed up.
I've also opened another regular Diplomacy game, it's been too long since I've started one. Sean O'Donnell, Jeff O'Donnell, Matt Sundstrom, Fred Wiedemeyer, Karl Schmit, Don Williams, and Alexandre Levinson should be all set to go.
You also can sign up for the next Breaking Away game, which is starting now. Tom Howell currently is signed up, knock off the superstar, come on, you can do it!! So far, Eric Brosius, Karl Schmit, Bruce Edwards,Rick Desper, and David Partridge want to challenge Tom. That's a full set of six, I have a set up from Tom as "The Soils" but he sent me that a long time ago. Tom, let me know if you need to see what you sent me. The rest of you should submit setups NOW!
John Harrington is offering to guest GM a game of Office Politics. Any interest in that?? Let me or John know! Jody McCullough and Bruce Edwards are interested, anyone else?
Harold Reynolds has started the game of Colonia (see elsewhere in this issue) and is interested in guest-GMing a game of Aberration. Sean O'Donnell and Brendan Whyte are interested in Aberration. Brendan and Sean BOTH need rules from Harold Reynolds.
Also, I am going to design some postal rules for Devil Take the Hindmost, and Chris Lockheardt is pulling out of that opening too, so I need three players. Bruce Edwards and Eoghan Barry is signed up. Postal rules from me will be forthcoming shortly, on my never ending to-do list. I will get them in SOON! I'm more likely to get these things started if I see some interest..... it takes four and Eoghan is getting tired of waiting....
Right now, the other thing I am contemplating getting going is the Modern Diplomacy game with Wings. Rick Desper, Alexander Woo, Dave Partridge, Eric Ozog, and Kurt Ozog are signed up for that.
Mike Barno and Edi Birsan run a great web site at!
Stephen Agar runs a British Diplomacy mailing list at:
and if you are interested, contact Stephen Agar at stephen of or join the Brit hobby mailing list at (aw, you guessed it, another new address):

I CAN'T FIND MY MONEY!: 2001F, Regular Diplomacy
Summer 1906
AUSTRIA (Lockheardt): has a UKR, a TYO, a BOH, a MOS, a SER, a RUM, a WAR, f GRE.
ENGLAND (Kinney): has a LON, a EDI, f ENG, f NTH.
FRANCE (Kent): has a BUR, a PAR, a BRE, f GAS, f MID.
GERMANY (Wilson): has a HOL, a KIE, a MUN, f SWE, a RUH, a BEL.
ITALY (Gardner): has a VEN, f ION, f AEG, a APU.
RUSSIA (Desper): has a STP.
TURKEY (Miller): has f SMY, a ARM, a CON, f BUL(SC), a SEV.

Addresses of the Participants
AUSTRIA: Chris Lockheardt, 54 Butler Avenue, Maynard, MA 01754, +1 978-897-1547
clockheardt of
ENGLAND: Mark Kinney, 4830 Westport Road, Apt D, Louisville KY 40222
alberich of
FRANCE: Doug Kent, 11111 Woodmeadow #2327, Dallas, TX 75228
dougray30 of
GERMANY: Kevin Wilson, 373 Gateford Drive, Ballwin, MO 63021
ckevinw of
ITALY: Heath Gardner, 1627 Abbotts Creek Circle, Kernersville, NC, 27284
hdgardne of
RUSSIA: Rick Desper, 5440 Marinelli Road, #204, Rockville, MD 20852
(301) 977-7691, rick_desper of
TURKEY: Tim Miller, 5421 S. Ellis Ave. #1-E, Chicago, IL 60615, +1 773-834-4597
btmiller of
GM: Jim-Bob Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327, +1 401-351-0287
burgess of

Game Notes:
1) Doug Kent reports that he is set to report to the Federal Authorities on November 6th and he will be off E-Mail as of that date. Then you must send him postal letters. I'll give you a postal update as soon as I have one, but I think he will be able to get mail sent to the address above in the interim.

(FRANCE - ALL): My reporting date is November 6, so I'll have a new address after that. ((Late update from Doug is that he is going to Pennsylvania. I'll get you the full address as soon as I know it.))

SOMETHING TO BE SCARED OF: 2001D, Regular Diplomacy
Autumn and Winter 1907
ENGLAND (Sundstrom): has f STP(NC), f HOL, f SKA, f NWY, f IRI.
FRANCE (Tretick): has a BUR, a BRE, f ENG, a GAS.
GERMANY (Williams): bld a kie; has a KIE, a DEN, a MUN, a RUH.
ITALY (Barno): has f NAP, a PIE, f GOL, a MAR, a VIE,
f SPA(SC), f MID, a TRI, f POR.
RUSSIA (Rauterberg): R a war-MOS; rem a boh; has a FIN, a MOS, f SWE.
TURKEY (O'Donnell): bld a con; has a CON, a SEV, f TYH, a BUD, a SER,
f WES, a WAR, f BLA, a UKR.

Supply Center Chart
ENGLAND (Sundstrom): EDI,LVP,nwy,hol,stp (has 5, even)
FRANCE (Tretick): PAR,BRE,bel,lon (has 4, even)
GERMANY (Williams): KIE,BER,MUN,den (has 3, bld 1)
ITALY (Barno): ROM,VEN,NAP,tun,tri,vie,por, (has 9, even)
RUSSIA (McHugh): MOS,rum,swe (has 3 or 4, even(r:otb) or rem 1)
TURKEY (O'Donnell): ANK,SMY,CON,bul,gre,ser,bud, (has 8, bld 1)
Neutral: none (Total=34)

Addresses of the Participants
AUSTRIA: Doug Kent
ENGLAND: Matt Sundstrom, 1760 Robincrest Lane South, Glenview, IL 60025, (847) 729-1882 ($5)
Matt.Sundstrom of or mattandzoe of
FRANCE: James Alan (Jim) Tretick, 1383 Canterbury Way Potomac, MD 20854, (301) 279-0803 ($4)
JTretickGames of
GERMANY: Don Williams, 27505 Artine Drive, Saugus, CA 91350, (661) 297-3947 ($3)
wllmsfmly of
ITALY: Mike Barno, 634 Dawson Hill Road, Spencer, NY 14883
mpbarno of
RUSSIA: Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Dr., Greenfield, WI 53221,
(414) 281-2339 (E-Mail) trauterberg of
TURKEY: Sean O'Donnell, 1044 Wellfleet Drive, Grafton, OH 44044, (440) 926-0230
sean_o_donnell of or seanfodonnell of

Game Notes:
1) To no one's surprise, Paul Rauterberg takes over as Russia.
2) Someone has proposed an Italian/Turkish dual monarchy, otherwise known as a two way draw. Please vote on the proposal with your Spring orders. If you fail to vote, it cannot pass.

(TURKEY-BOARD): Can't we all just get along?
(IRON DUCK to GM): As you know so well from our relationship over the last two decades, every once in a while, I shake off my lethargy and write a couple of lines of great press. Alas, this is not going to be one of those times....
(BOOB to IRON DUCK): Let me be the judge of that, I'd give you at least a seven iron.... though you are inching toward a challenge of the house rule that no handwriting in orders and press be messier than mine. If I misread anything, it's surely still my fault, but it's getting closer.... danger, Will Robinson!!
(GERMANY to EUROPE): We regret the recent presence of a fourth German unit in this game. No, really. We have endeavored in this game, since about 1904, to create no panic regarding the peace-loving German peoples, especially given our lamentable tendency to conquer and subjugate our neighbors. Either at your throat or at your feet, that's us. The offending unit will be dispatched east at the earliest opportunity. You know how much German soldiers like fighting Eastern campaigns.
(BOOB to GERMANY): Lucky for you, Stalingrad is a war in the future....
(BERLIN to PARIS): SOmeone recently asked us why all the highways leading to Paris were tree-lined. We guessed it was so we could march in the shade.
(BERLIN to LONDON): I hope the recent loss of Denmark to German exchange students will not cause undue hostility between us. We, of course, do not know where said students came into ownership of small arms, artillery, and martial tactics, and would be happy to join you in a special commission to investigate same.
(BOOB RETAINS A UNIQUE VIEW OF TIME): On coming up to the twentieth anniversary of the "Invasion of Grenada and the Liberation of the Medical Students", what could be more ironic? Reminds you that W wasn't the first president to invade a country on a pretext to distract the American people from another foreign policy issue (in that case, of course, it was the debacle in Lebanon).
(GERMANY to ITALY): You promised me that you would not remain a lapdog to the Ottoman. Can I get my money back on the flowers I sent?
(BOOB to DUCKETH ONE): Can I get my money back on the second bet I made on how Fassio would fare at North American DipCon? I aced the first bet perfectly (betting that Fassio would take full and complete credit for my absence - it really was all YOUR fault). But I was SURE Flash would beat Shark Chum, Judas, and of course you. Boy, was I wrong. You had a GREAT tournament from all reports. Now, how can you run me out of the hobby after saying that.... this is called taking the editorial liberty and running away with it!
(SAUGUS to PROVIDENCE): Just so you know, I am intending to have you run out of the Hobby post-haste, if not sooner, on the grounds that you are total boobish nincompoop and a danger to yourself and others, especially me. On what planet is calling Brad Wilson as a standby a good idea??? Even allowing Brad into a game as a starter is against the law in 31 states (and the District of Columbia), but to call him in as a standby? And let's not forget the fact that Brad has NMRed out of more games than anybody.... with the probable exception of me. Shame on you, James Burgess, shame....
(PROVIDENCE, THE BEST LITTLE CITY IN THE LAND to SAUGUS, A CALIFORNIA PLANNED COMMUNITY AND GREASESPOT ON THE DESERT HIGHLANDS): I claim a tortured, but clean logic. Who better than Brad could act like Flap Jack? And Brad DID tell me he was on the standby list. And he IS playing and getting orders in for the only game I see him in these days in another famous szine that will remain nameless. But in the end, when you're in times of trouble, let Brad be and name the absolutely reliable Paul Rauterberg. He's probably not speaking to me these days, but I really do appreciate him, really I do....
(IRON DUCK to SWEET CHARLOTTE): Hello, darling! Are you tired of you-know-who yet? Are you ready for a west coast liaison yet?
(CHARLOTTE SAYS): I'm ready to turn from men entirely, except that I don't like women either! ((I only paraphrased a little....))
(DON to BURGESS): I mean that in a purely asexual, non-spouse-threatening sort of way. Really.
(BOOB to DOON): No problem, I knew she'd say something like the above. you haven't a chance even if you DID mean it in a threatening way. You wouldn't live to tell the tale.
(BERLIN to EDINBURGH): Good morning, indeed! I appreciate the new-found trust we have somehow dug out of the debris of six years of war. Let's keep our steel pointed in the right direction-east!
(WILLIAMS to TRETICK, SUNDSTROM): It occurs to me, gentlemen, that the time is now right and proper for us to completely and totally set aside our differences and fight for the right to party.... hmmm, I think I may have just been channeling the Beastie Boys. Sigh... you have a mere dalliance with controlled substances for 20 years or so, and this is what happens.
But, as I was saying, we three represent the best and brightest in this game and we should therefore win. Failing agreement on that statement (given its 100% bilge quotient), we should at least be allowed to win solely on the fact that we three are the only original players left in the game. The rest of these Johnny-Come-Latelys are mere pretenders and ought to be boxed up and sent away like the importuning imposters they are. Time for us to get our metal (and mettle) together lads! Into the breach?

FANTASTIC VOYAGE: 1999K, Regular Diplomacy
Autumn and Winter 1912
AUSTRIA (Rauterberg): has a VEN, a NAP, a ROM.
ENGLAND (Biehl): R f edi-NWG; rem f lvp; has f NWG.
GERMANY (Osuch): R a sil-BOH; bld a mun; has a MUN, f BAL, a BOH, a BER,
f SWE, a DEN, a MAR, a GAL, a VIE, a HOL, f NAO, a PIC, a POR.
RUSSIA (Tretick): has f NTH, a LVN, f EDI, a YOR, a WAR, f CLY, a FIN.
TURKEY (Lutterbie): R f nap-TYH; has a BUL, f ION, f CON, a SIL, f TUS,
a ALB, f IRI, a TRI, a RUM, f TYH.

Addresses of the Participants
AUSTRIA: Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Dr., Greenfield, WI 53221, (414) 281-2339 (E-Mail)
trauterberg of
ENGLAND: John Biehl, #8 - 11530 84th Avenue, Delta, BRITISH COLUMBIA, V4C 2M1 CANADA,
(604) 591-1832 ($7); jrb of
FRANCE: Rick Davis, 2420 West Avenue, Santa Rosa, CA 95407, (707) 544-5201,
redavis914 of
GERMANY: Bob Osuch, 19137 Midland Avenue, Mokena, IL 60448, (708) 478-3885
ROsuch4082 of
ITALY: Terry Tallman, PO Box 782, Clinton, WA 98236, (360) 710 9613, cell (360) 710-9613 ($2)
terryt of
RUSSIA: Buddy Tretick, 9607 Conaty Circle, Spotsylvania, VA 22553, (540) 582-2356 (E-Mail)
batretick of
TURKEY: Vince Lutterbie, 1021 Stonehaven, Marshall, MO 65340-2837
melvin of

Game Notes:
1) Germany is pressed on many fronts, but still builds. Thanks everyone.

(ROME to ANKARA): We deal in dread.
(MOSCOW BIRDWATCH, TRANSLATED INTO AUSTRIAN FOR THE ILLITERATE): Gosh, Paul! Is it true that you have become so predictable after so long sitting on one of your thumbs. And, everyone who can play this game knows that you can not defend Italy with a mere two armies [that translates into not even a single fleet]. Even England can best be defended by one army and one fleet ... ask John, as he slowly loses units.

(Sometimes I Feel Like) FLETCHER CHRISTIAN: 1999Cgh013, Colonia VIIb Diplomacy

Game Notes:
1) The Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) proposed draw passed and I still didn't have a chance to do the final Endgame chart. You have until then to do Endgame statements.
2) Harold Reynolds has done a lot of work with the maps and is guest GMing a new game of Colonia (see elsewhere in this issue).


SECRETS: 1999D, Regular Diplomacy
Winter 1914
ENGLAND (Brosius): has f LON, a GAS, f NAO, a KIE, f MID, f ENG, f HOL, f POR.
FRANCE (Sasseville): has f MAR, f SPA(SC), a MUN, a BUR.
GERMANY (Barno): has a GRE.
RUSSIA (Reynolds): has a MOS, a LVN, a BER, f BAL, a STP, a PRU.
TURKEY (Linsey): has a BUL, f ALB, a UKR, a WAR, f WES, a SEV, f GOL,
a SIL, a GAL, f NAF, f TYH, a TYO, f PIE, a SER, a BOH.

Addresses of the Participants
ENGLAND: Eric Brosius, 53 Bird Street, Needham, MA 02492
eric.brosius of
FRANCE: Roland Sasseville, Jr., 38 Bucklin Street, Pawtucket, RI 02861, (401) 481-4280 ($0)
roland6 of and ICQ: 40565030
GERMANY: Mike Barno, 634 Dawson Hill Road, Spencer, NY 14883
mpbarno of
RUSSIA: Phil Reynolds, 2896 Oak Street, Sarasota, FL 34237, (813) 953-6952 preyno of
TURKEY: Bruce Linsey, PO Box 234, Kinderhook, NY 12106
GonzoHQ of

Game Notes:
1) The FREGT draw is rejected and then reproposed. I had no complaint, so I've granted a request that we go back to where we were on the voting, which was this: (1) Some of you have "perpetual draw votes on this proposal on file", those are still in force; (2) Some of you do not and have been voting every season, for you if you FAIL to vote it counts as a yes vote for this proposal. If we get to a situation where no centers change hands for three game years, then we can go to the next step, which will require everyone to vote every season, no perpetual draw votes. And failure to vote would be a yes.

(BARNO to GM): 1976 rule X, "Cutting Support": "If a unit ordered to support in a given space is attacked from a space different from the one into which it is giving support," ... its support is cut. Bulgaria is different from Greece, into which A Gre is giving support, so the support is cut and A Bul with A Ser's support is strength 2 against A Gre supported by F Alb.
(RUSSIA to GM): I disagree with your interpretation of a rule. My 1976 Diplomacy rulebook says that, "If a unit ordered to support in a given space is attacked from a space different from the one into which it is giving support, or is dislodged by an attack from any space, including the one into which it is giving support, then its support is cut." It says nothing about nationality.
Thus, Turkey's order of A Bul-Ser last turn should have cut the support from its A Ser S GERMAN A Gre-Bul, and Germany's unsupported move of F Gre-Bul should have failed (which you did adjudicate), in addition to the Turkish move of F Alb-Gre. However, you are correct that self-dislodgement is prohibited, so even if Turkey had ordered A Bul H, the Turkish support of Germany's attack was invalid.
(BOOB to GM): Pay attention to these guys and stop making mistakes!
(RUSSIA to TURKEY): Bruce, either you're very inept or very sneaky. (I have my opinion which one it is.)
Let's take a step back and analyze this game. You have failed to get me, France or the new England to turn on each other. Instead, FER has created a stalemate line that allows you to own at most 16 centers. There is no good reason, then, why any of the three of us wouldn't vote for the five-way draw. (In my book, a draw is a draw, regardless of how many players are part of it - as long as I'm one of them!)
This means that either you or Germany is vetoing the five-way draw. We have a simple way to find out who it is: Eliminate Germany. If you do and vote for an FRET draw, then the game is over. If you eliminate Germany and don't vote for a four-way draw, or if you don't eliminate Germany, then it's your fault why this game isn't ending.
If you want this game to end, then eliminate Germany by ordering A Ser S F Alb-Gre, F Alb-Gre and A Bul H in Spring 1915, and ordering F Gre H in Fall 1915. Then, we can unanimously approve an FRET draw.
If you fail to do this, then I have to conclude, as I have entertained for some time, that you want to win this game by any means possible, including hoping that England, France or I will NMR, allowing you to break our line. This is really a despicable way to notch a win, and I think someone like you who has been in this hobby long enough would be above such desperate measures. I feared such a thing when Jim Sayers dropped out, but it didn't happen. At least our GM accepts standing orders (which I have been using for the past several turns, by the way). But at some point of stagnation, I think the GM should step in and call this game a DIAS - unless the literal death of any of the counteralliance players, given the possible extended longevity of this game, won't jeopardize the stalemate line.
Do the honorable thing, Bruce, and eliminate Germany. (There is honor among Diplomacy players, just like there is among thieves, you know.)

EDWARD TELLER: 2002?rn42, Nuclear Yuppie Evil Empire Diplomacy - Black Hole Variant
Winter 1905
AUSTRIA (Muller): has a VIE, a BUD, f TRI; and 5 nukes.
ENGLAND (Andruschak): has a LVP, f LON, f EDI; and 5 nukes.
FRANCE (Kendter): has f BRE, a PAR, a MAR; and 5 nukes.
GERMANY (McHugh): has a MUN, a BER, f KIE; and 5 nukes.
ITALY (Kenny): has a VEN, a ROM, f NAP; and 5 nukes.
RUSSIA (Schultz): has f STP(SC), a MOS, a WAR, f SEV; and 4 nukes in their silos.
TURKEY (Rauterberg): has f ANK, a CON, a SMY; and 5 nukes.

Current Standings
01 02 03 04 05 06 07 TOTAL
JOHN SCHULTZ  3  3  3  3  3        15
PAUL RAUTERBERG  6  1  6  3  5        21
KARL MULLER  2  3  3  4  3        15
HARRY ANDRUSCHAK  4  5  0  3  3        15
LEE KENDTER, JR.  1  6  2  4  5        18
JACK MCHUGH  5  0  3  3  2        13
SANDY KENNY  3  1  3  3  2        12
Black Holed  8 14  7  1  7        30
Neutral  2  1  7 10  4        20
Totals(eventually) 34 34 34 34 34 34 34 238
Times GM Nuked  0  1  1  0  0      2
Whole Frelling Game  0  0  1  0  1      2

Addresses of the Participants
John Schultz plays on in our memories....
Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Dr., Greenfield, WI 53221, (414) 281-2339
trauterberg of
Karl Muller, 3154 East Lydius Street, Schenectady, NY 12303-5035
karlmuller of or pegandkarl of
Harry Andruschak, 734 West 214th Street, Apartment 12-A Torrance, CA 90502-1907
(310) 533-8945, harryandruschak of
Lee Kendter, Jr., 1503 Pilgrim Lane, Quakertown, PA 18951
lkendter of
Jack McHugh, P.O. Box 427, Claymont, DE 19703, (302) 792-1998
flapjack of
Sandy Kenny, 23 East Coulter Avenue, Collingswood, NJ 08108-1208 (609) 869-3160
KennyShire of or possibly sakenny of

Game Notes:
1) A couple of adjudication notes.... when you guys nuke the same province more than once, I put in parentheses the number of nukes that hit that spot. Also, if your move to a space succeeds and THEN you are annihilated, I capitalize the first letter of that space where you are annihilated. The reverse happens if your move bounces where I capitalize the first letter of the place you started.
2) The rules I have been using for this game have been that there are no replacements or standbies. Nukes for the positions John has will remain unfired in their silos. None of his units will move or support anything. They can be attacked and dislodged and his centers can be nuked. John could win the game this way, conceivably, but likely would not. But you never know, given how extreme the yuppiedom part of the game has gone.

(PAUL to ALL): Remember, I don't like people who nuke home dots. They upset me. They make me, almost, vengeful.
(FRANCE to THE WORLD): At this point clueless, and too lazy. I simply play nuke the leader.

FEAR AND WHISKEY: 1998Ers31, Modern Diplomacy
Fall 2012
BRITAIN (K. Ozog): a SWE h, f LON S f nwg-nth, a edi-YOR, f nth-HEL,
f DEN S f nth-den, a NOR h, f nwg-NTH, f BAL-bhm.
EGYPT (J. O'Donnell): f EME-ion, f ALE-eme, f ISR S f ale-eme, f NAP S f eme-ion, a syr-JOR,
a TUN h, a SAU-irk.
GERMANY (Rauterberg): a HAM S f ber, a ALS-mun, f BER h, f HOL-hel, f BHM-pru,
f bis-MAO, a PIE-mil, a pic-PAR, f eng-IRI, a SWI-mun, f bel-ENG,
a ROM whiles away the hours (h).
SPAIN (S. O'Donnell): a BAR h, a nav-POR, f SAO h, f alg-WME, f MAL S EGYPTIAN f eme-ion,
a par-BRI, a auv-NAV, a lyo-AUV, f bri-BIS, f LBS S EGYPTIAN f eme-ion.
UKRAINE (Partridge): a pod-HUN, f IZM S f ion-eme, a ADA S a irk-syr, a GRE h, a CRO-ven, a GOR h,
a bie-KRA, a STP h, a SIL S a pru-ber, a kra-CZE, f AEG S f ion-eme, f ANA S f ion-eme, a URA h,
a cze-SAX, a PRU-ber, f ALB-ion, a irk-SYR, a KAZ h, a AUS-mun, a lat-LIT,
f ION-eme, a lit-GDA, f ADR S a cro-ven, a IRN-irk, a VEN-mil.

Supply Center Chart
BRITAIN (K. Ozog): EDI,LIV,LON,ire,nor, (has 8, even)
EGYPT (J. O'Donnell): ALE,ASW,CAI,isr,sau,lib, (has 7, bld 1)
enskip nap,tun
GERMANY (Rauterberg): BER,FRA,HAM,MUN,hol,swi, (has 12, rem 2)
SPAIN (S. O'Donnell): SVE,MAD,BAR,gib,por,mar, (has 10, even)
UKRAINE (Partridge): KHA,KIE,ODE,SEV,ros,rum,bul, (has 25, bld 3)
enskip gda,ven,cze,aus
Neutral: none (Total=64)

Addresses of the Participants
BRITAIN: Kurt Ozog, 391 Wilmington Drive, Bartlett, IL 60103, (630) 837-2813
heyday6 of
EGYPT: Jeff O'Donnell, 402 Middle Ave., Elyria, OH 44035-5728, (440) 322-2920
or (440) 225-9203 (cell) ($2)
FRANCE: Harry Andruschak ($5) Tapmdfrance of
GERMANY: Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Dr., Greenfield, WI 53221, (414) 281-2339 (E-Mail)
ITALY: Eric Ozog, PO Box 1138, Granite Falls, WA 98252-1138, (360) 691-4264 ($3)
ElfEric of
POLAND: Roland Sasseville, Jr., 38 Bucklin Street, Pawtucket, RI 02861, (401) 481-4280 ($5)
roland6 of and ICQ: 40565030
RUSSIA: Randy Ellis
SPAIN: Sean O'Donnell, 1044 Wellfleet Drive, Grafton, OH 44044, (440) 926-0230 ($3)
sean_o_donnell of or seanfodonnell of
TURKEY: Kent Pollard, 1541 W. San Jose, Fresno, CA 93711, (209) 225-0957 ($10)
UKRAINE: Dave Partridge, 15 Woodland Drive, Brookline, NH 03033 ($8)
rebhuhn of

Game Notes:
1) I'm keeping only one list for the new game now up above. This is scary, the game has gone on for six years now, hasn't it.

(THE MEKONS QUOTE OF THE MONTH): "Looking out from here, at half past France; Things are much different here than Norway, not so cold." from "Half Past France" by Sally Timms of the Mekons from her solo record, To the Land of Milk and Honey.
(BOOB to WORLD): To be fair, I should note that the following press is very old and may or may not reflect the current positions of the authors. Who's to say, certainly not me! But for fairness, I thought that caveat was needed.
(SEAN-WORLD): ... the way that Germany is laying down to Ukraine, I've decided to rename his country. From this point forward we are now going to call Germany; (France).
(GERMANY to SPAIN): You gotta think before you do, boy. Y'see, afterward don't do you a lick of good.
(CAPTAIN KIRK to THE UNIVERSE): Attack the Romulans or learn how to speak Romulan!
(UKRAINE - EGYPT): Certainly, the alliance offer is still open. Did you prefer to retire in the Sinai or in Jordan?

Personal Note to You:

File translated from TEX by TTH, version 3.35.
On 31 Oct 2003, 13:19.