June 24, 1999

Produced by Jim Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327 USA, (401)351-0287

Accessible through Internet at burgess of; FAX to (401) 277-9904

The 1999 Hobby Awards ballots are out, I printed one in the last issue. I decided to mention it again here at the very top, so that it gets seen by E-Mail subbers and gets put on the Internet via the TAP web page.

Miller Award (meritorious service)

Jim Burgess - US Director of International Subscription Exchange/TAP

Michael Lowrey - Orphan Director/Publisher of Carolina Command and Commentary

Bruce McKee - Publisher of Making Love in a Canoe

Conrad von Metzke - BNC/Publisher of Costaguana

Eric Young - Publisher of the Tactical Assassin

Walker Award (literature)

The Hypocrisy of Great Powers - Brent McKee (Making Love in a Canoe #43, Aug. 1998)

The Hobby (or: Why I Did It) - Heath Gardner (Naima Equinox #1-1/2, Aug. 1998)

Hyatt Award (GM performance)

Andy Lischett, Michael Lowrey, Bruce McKee, Conrad von Metzke, Eric Young

Koning Award (player performance)

Frank Easton, Jerry Falkiner, Kevin Kinsel, Frederic Townsend, Fred Wiedemeyer

Voters are asked to sign their names legibly and return votes, contributions and comments to: Melinda Holley, 1823 Enslow Blvd., Huntington, WV 25701. Ballots will be accepted through Aug. 21. 1999. The Committee also is soliciting $1 donations per vote to defray the costs of the awards themselves. This is a voluntary donation and including it or not including it does not affect the status of your vote in any way. The Committee hopes to keep awarding plaques, but with the apparent demise of the PDORA Auction which was their main source of funds, they may have to switch to something less expensive. As the number of voters has been declining in recent years, the Committee is requesting input as to whether the awards should continue at all.

The Committee currently consists of Melinda Holley (Chairperson), Fred Davis (Treasurer), Gary Behnen, Paul Kenny, and Robert Lesco.

- - -

I'm probably about to get myself in trouble, but hey, a little good honest controversy is good for the hobby and the soul. I want to begin by thanking the Committee for lots of hard work over the years and for asking for these kinds of comments with the ballot this year. I hope this direct honesty is constructive and helpful.

Now my comments, prefaced by saying that I make them public in order to urge you to VOTE and to make similar comments so that Melinda and the Committee hear this clearly. I most emphatically DO NOT believe that the Hobby Awards have outlived their usefulness or value. I most emphatically DO believe that this has become something of an insider process and that it is the PROCESS that is causing the decline in interest. The player performance list of nominees shows the biggest problem on this score. I have nothing against any of the nominees, but for the last five years the same people have been appearing on the list and all of them play in the same small subset of the hobby's szines. Until I recently pushed Fred into subscribing, only Paul Kenny was receiving this szine among the Committee members. Gary Behnen is so ``retired'' that I didn't even know he was receiving any Diplomacy szines any more. I could go on, but I don't mean to impinge on anyone's sense of honor or well-being. I just mean to say that either the Committee needs to double in size (at least) to accomodate more people who see ALL of the aspects of the US/NA hobby, or it DOES need to disband so it can be reformed to properly encompass the entire hobby.

What does that mean?

1) The hobby has gone global. I interact at least as much with hobbyists in the UK, Australia, and the European continent as those in North America. I would vote that the Committee expand its focus to that world wide hobby. I have Australian and British players in my szine, and players from here are playing there. Why?

2) The hobby has gone at least partially E-Mail. I don't think that any new large szines are going to start any more that don't also have a web presence. I believe very strongly in having BOTH an E-Mail/Web presence and a postal presence and there is NOTHING stopping people from easily doing both. In that case, doesn't sticking with a sharply shrinking ``pure'' postal hobby ring of a cultural elitism? Why can't Berry Renken be eligible for these ballots?? It could be argued that his is the most popular North American szine right now, and he lives in the Netherlands!! Did the Committee know that Berry has been brilliantly GMing some wild variants?? Why can't the Diplomatic Pouch be eligible?? Why can't the Masters of Judge games OR, perhaps closer in analogy, why can't the Cat-23 GM's be eligible?? The Cat-23 GM's and their environment seems as close to a hotbed of talented play and excellent GMing as exists today in the world. Does the Committee even know who any of these people are?? They are where the hobby is at right now.

3) The hobby is actually LARGER now than it has been at any time in the last 15 years, it also is more fragmented than it has ever been before in the time I have watched it (since the mid to late 1970's). That makes it harder to do a good hobby awards structure, perhaps MUCH harder, but it makes it even MORE essential! I don't even think that this ballot covers the traditional North American postal hobby very well. Where are all those hot new players playing in Scott Morris' or Tom Howell's szines?? I mention those two wondering if the Committee even considered those szines and their players?? This is NOT an attempt to be self-serving, in fact I right here and now will urge everyone to vote for Michael Lowrey for the Miller Award. I will be doing so!! The Orphan Service job has been languishing a bit recently and as I've long claimed it is THE hardest job in the hobby. Michael is attacking it with great energy!!

To sum up, I would prefer that these awards go world wide, at least in the English speaking part of it (realizing that in itself is a bit of a bias) and go ``all medium''. At the least, I think it needs to be a TRUE US/NA structure that includes the growing edges of the hobby. In order to make that happen, the Committee needs YOUR votes and YOUR input. I don't care if you agree with me or not, but I do think YOUR opinion is valuable. Go vote now, before you get caught up in your game below. Thank you for your time. I apologize for being a bit blunt, but I keep getting more and more excited about how the hobby is growing and changing and more and more bothered that some of my longest term colleagues and friends don't seem to see it.


The postal sub price is a flat $1.00 per issue in the US and Canada, a bargain at twice the price.... but you can double that for other foreign subbers (or $2.00 per issue sent airmail). Players in current games and standbys will continue to get the issues for free, and future game starts (except for Nuclear Yuppie Evil Empire Diplomacy, which is free) cost $20.00 ($15.00 for a life of the game subscription and $5 for the NMR Insurance). Note the price increases for games, with the rates for subbing to the szine holding fixed for the moment. I'm not going to start any more new games (other than the Star Trek game) until some games end. The new game at that point probably will be another Modern game with the ``Wing'' rule.

Check out the connections in the Diplomatic Pouch with all of the information you need to play Diplomacy on the Internet at:

Through Stephen Agar's (who for the time being is still in charge here, though he's folded his szine) Postal portion of the Pouch:

the szine resides in html format. Presently, issues from #190 to the current issue are there, and I will be updating the back issues gradually in the near future.

The most recent issue also can be accessed through David Wang's and Pete Sullivan's web pages:

1) David has grabbed and reserved the HIGHLY prized name:!! His ``version'' of this szine is somewhat more html.friendly than the one I created, so please check it out. David Wang's site also allows you to follow John Caruso's postal baseball league that I am in.

2) For the most recent issue of Pete Sullivan's subszine check out:

Sign up for one of Pete's Railway Rivals games.

By electronic mail, through the Internet, subs are free and can be obtained automatically by sending the message: subscribe tap

to majordomo of and messages can be sent to the entire electronic mailing list by mailing them to tap of which will forward your message to all of the people currently on the list. The message:

unsubscribe tap

sent to majordomo of gets you off the list. Please make careful note of that as well since you generally can get yourself off the list a lot easier than I can, and NOBODY likes to see unsubscribe messages sent to the entire list. A big, big thank you for David Kovar for setting this all up!!


In keeping with usual practice, this first issue I will not tell you precisely who Alan Stewart is, but I'd really like to find him. He was one of the great writers this hobby has ever seen and I think he would be interested in hearing how we all are doing. Go find him. Isn't the $50 worth it??

I claim the prize myself for finding Bernie Oaklyn Tretick. I admit that I had an advantage since it actually turned out that he is STILL living at the last address I had for him about ten years ago. His address is: Bernie Tretick, 9607 Conaty Circle, Spotsylvania, VA 22553 and James Alan Tretick's address is 10511 Inwood Avenue, Wheaton, MD 20902-3758. I'm hoping to have comments from one or both for next issue. It took me about 3 minutes to find both on the Internet, helped by the aforementioned knowledge, but not by much. Come on, you guys, go searching NOW!!!

This is a regular continuing feature of the szine and I will be introducing a new ``search for'' every five issues. Moreover, you can win a $25 prize for finding some previous target who went unfound in the original $50 period. That means that if Kevin Tighe or Garret Schenck or Jerry Lucas or Al Pearson is ``found'' from now on it is worth $25. Plus, Steve Emmert will throw in another ten spot for Garret Schenck if you can get Garret to write to him. Go for these guys again. Perhaps some of them now can be located via the Internet where they weren't when you looked before.

Winners will receive credit for Dip hobby activities that I will pay out as requested by the winner. Subscribe to szines here or abroad, run your own contests, publish a szine, finance a web page, or whatever. Spend it all right away or use me as a bank to cover hobby activities for years. What must you do to win? Get me a letter to the editor for TAP from the person we're searching for. This is very important, just finding them doesn't do it. They have to write me a letter. The final judge as to the winner of any contest will be the target himself and I reserve the right to investigate the winning entry. When you find someone I'm looking for, you should ask him to send me a letter for print that includes a verification of who ``found'' him.


The British representative is the editor of Mission From God, John Harrington. John may be contacted at 1 Churchbury Close, Enfield, Middlesex EN1 3UW, UK (johnh of or JHarrington of Please include the full name and address of the foreign publisher with your order, if possible, as well as the szine title. Make your check in US dollars out to me personally or in GBP to John if you're doing things from that end. I will conduct business for Canadians as well, if I can, but prefer to deal in US dollars with them if possible, or Canadian dollars cash. To subscribe to American szines, the system works in reverse.

DIPDOM NEWS SECTION (with letters)

Obscure and not-so-obscure ramblings on the state of the hobby and its publications, custodians, events, and individuals with no guarantee of relevance from the fertile keyboard of Jim-Bob, the E-Mail Dip world, and the rest of the postal hobby. My comments are in italics and ((double quotation marks)) like this. Bold face is used to set off each individual speaker. I should also make a note that I do edit for syntax and spelling on occasion.

A VERY light discussion is taking place that will address what stance we (the hobby) should take (proactive in some way for sure) toward Hasbro, the new owners of the rights to Diplomacy. More on this will be forthcoming, but it looks like Hasbro might have its version of Diplomacy on the market for the Christmas season and they actually will be employing ``play-testers''. No word on precisely what this means yet, could it mean that they will offer a series of ``official'' variants? Stay tuned.... If you want to be part of the discussion, send the MESSAGE:

subscribe hasbro

to majordomo of, it works just like the tap mailing list described below. Sending messages to hasbro of sends the mail to the whole list. The big news this time is the beginning of the breakout of Hasbro into official contact with the hobby. See the two messages below.

The game Diplomacy is a copyrighted product owned by Hasbro and all reproductions or other use of that material in this szine is intended to be personal use and not infringe on those rights in any way. All reproductions are done at a heavy financial loss to the editor and thus are without the remotest possibility of commercial intent, except to promote THE game, the Game of Diplomacy, which you all should purchase from Hasbro or other duly licensed distributors.

Emeric Miszti (Sat, 19 Jun 1999 17:25:26)

1999 World EMail Masters Diplomacy Tournament

Fellow Diplomacy Player,

Please forgive this intrusion, but notification is going out to all Diplomacy mailing lists of this important landmark event in Internet Diplomacy. I am sure this will be of interest to all avid Diplomacy players. This is a single one-off mailing and will not be repeated. If you have been sent multiple copies of this note (or were already aware of this through a different mailing list) then please accept my apologies, it is possible you may have played Diplomacy in the past under different email addresses.

Entries for the 1999 World EMail Diplomacy Masters Championship are now open at:

The Cat23 International Tournament, which is the precursor to this Tournament is entering the end game. Currently the England Too and Vermont Group are running more or less neck and neck for the Championship. An indication of the calibre of competition has been the fact that the England Too team contained 7 of the top 15 ranked players in the UK (including a former World Champ, the current European Champ, and the UK No.1) and victory, if it comes, will have been very hard won.

Plans have been underway for the next tournament. And its going to be bigger and better. The 1998 Tournament attracted 15 teams of 7 players from all corners of the globe including teams from England, USA, Canada, Sweden, Australasia, Europe and others from Diplomacy communities such as AOL,, The Old Republic, Vermont Group and others. There were 2 former World Champions (and the current one - eliminated early ;-) involved and a number of FTF players playing by email for the first time.This time around we are expecting strong teams from France, Compuserve, Toronto and many other areas as well as more teams from the established areas of England, Sweden & the USA.

Because of the experience CAT23 people have with email tournaments, they decided to take the next step and working together with people from the FTF hobby, and several other groupings, we together have come up with the 1999 World Email Masters Diplomacy Tournament.

The Web Site is up and working, but still awaits a few finishing touches and a couple revisions. Other than that though, its ready to go and the publicity campaign for it, that began on Cat23 and Compuserve, is about to go into full swing. Individual and Team registrations can be made to the Conference Board immediately. Teams are already being formed and some individuals have started registering. The Conference Board gives you the opportunity to register and form teams (if you don't already have ideas for one of your own).

The site is at Visit now and read more about this exciting event!

This will give you basic info and link you to the Masters99 conference boards where the main tournament activity will take place. Feedback on this is very welcome. Boards of this nature, a bit like Bulletin Boards, provide an ideal forum for providing tournaments of this nature. The biggest problem with the 1998 tournament has been mailing lists! 15 boards have generated over 2000 emails sent indiscriminately to all members of the list. The Boards enable people to select which discussion areas they would like messages from to be mailed to them (at a minimum the results & chat lists for their own games) but still keep up with what is happening in the tournament by scanning other messages posted to other discussion areas.

Start thinking about forming your teams now. Teams must contain 7 players and these 7 will each play one of the Great Powers. Although this tournament puts an emphasis on Team for this first round, it will also have an individual thread in it.

The top 49 players will go on to a playoff where the top 7 will sit at a championship board for the 1999 World EMail Masters Diplomacy Champion. Given the amount of interest in this tournament and a field of players that will exceed 200, perhaps even 300 or 400 - we just don't know - the winner will become the defacto Internet equivalent to the FTF World Champion. No self respecting Diplomacy player can afford to miss the opportunity to, in effect, become the first Internet World Masters Champion, after competition with top notch players from every corner of the Diplomacy world and from all diplomacy hobbies!

The games will be played to 1912 and the scoring will use a modified C-Diplo system that takes into account some of the special factors associated with email play.

If you get a few moments then please also complete the World Register of Diplomacy Players Survey Form at

Thank you for taking the time to read this mail. I look forward to crossing swords with you.

Kindest Regards, Emeric Miszti, em of

((At least one team from TAP will be entering this tournament, mostly being organized from among the Arsenic and Old Farts game players. I volunteered to GM and play for that team. If anyone else in the TAP family would like my assistance in getting a team together, I would be pleased to assist you.))

Richard Weiss (Mon, 14 Jun 1999 11:28:32 PDT)

Jim: Another superb issue. Congratulations.

Major kudos for your work over all of the years to bridge the snail mail hobby to the new electronic hobby, which as predicted, soon grew to dwarf the Daddy, as snail mail had, to some extent, over FTF. The letters from Todd Hurley and Bill Levay are joyous peals to me. Someone cares, someone appreciates, someone is going to market, someone is going to make money on - Dip. Our favorite game. Thank you Jim. Thank you Hasbro.

Richard Weiss, rcw23 of

((You're welcome. I take it you also agree with my editorial?? Please vote and comment!! Next up we have the Committee Treasurer....))

Fred C. Davis, Jr. (June 1999)

If I learn anything new at the ``PlayersCon;; at Hunt Valley Inn (site of the former AvalonCon), I'll pass the news on to others in the hobby. That won't be until July 31st, however. I've also written to Pitt Crandlemire re the status of DW, but he hasn't replied yet. And Larry Peery hasn't responded to my letter to him suggesting that if he can't save all of the Hobby Archives, perhaps he could just save the first and last issues of each zine, plus any key issues, and reduce the size of the Archives to just two boxes.

So, it doesn't seem that much is happening in the hobby these days. (([seriously dumbfounded] How can you say that??? With the Hasbro business, thousands of Dip players with more joining every week??)) I did renew my sub to Michael Lowrey's CCC, after a lapse of nearly three years. So many other zines have folded that I felt I could add one more to my list. Thank goodness for TAP. You've become the main source of information in the hobby.

Fred, 3210-K Wheaton Way, Ellicott City, MD 21043

((Thank you, I appreciate the sentiment. I should let you know that I really don't work at keeping the ``information flow'' going as hard as I once did. I used to print a LOT of E-Mail news, but found that the E-Mail subbers that I have (and I have about 200 of them) are nearly silent and seem to get their E-Mail news elsewhere. I've always hated covering hobby news, but to convince the skeptics that there is ``action'' out there, I'm going to try to do more of it.... starting with the above announcement.))


It is still time to send in your ``best of 1998'' lists. Give it to me anyway you want to - a top 10, a couple of favorites, a list, an essay, whatever - the classic is to tell me your top singles, top albums, and best concerts of the year, but you are the boss. Don't wait too long though because I want to move into the party tape issues pretty quickly. Well, let's go to Part II of the lists:


After the Top 10, I'll discuss other notable 1998 releases by genre. Here is one of those categories. I'll try to get more of this in next issue.... we're dragging here!!

Best Movie Soundtracks of the Year

Part of this category essentially could be top singles of the year, since are there any great singles these days that don't show up on movie soundtracks?? And this doesn't even count Celine Dion.... Two of the most engaging singles of the year were Propellerheads' ``History Repeating (Featuring Miss Shirley Bassey)'' and ``Everything Shines'' by the Push Stars. The soundtrack that they both appeared on WAS the my favorite one of the year, especially since it also featured Mr. Jonathan Richman. Yes, we are talking about There's Something About Mary (Capitol - There simply is not a single dog of a song anywhere on here. About two-thirds of the songs are new releases and the other third are older songs, but they blend beautifully. You'd swear that Gary Clark wrote ``Mary's Prayer'' just for this movie, but of course Danny Wilson recorded it for Virgin 12 years ago! Lloyd Cole is an underrecognized name, but his sensitive ``Margo's Waltz'' is the brilliant ``slow dance'' song on this CD. Then for people like me, who REALLY latched onto popular music in 1979, Joe Jackson is one of the great touchstones. ``Is She Really Going Out With Him'' is another no-brainer winner for this soundtrack about chasing after Cameron Diaz. Ben Lee's ``How To Survive a Broken Heart'' was a big surprise for me and you didn't hear it much on the radio, but you should have. I've not heard anything else of his, but I want to hunt him down. The one song that didn't seem to fit with the flow of the soundtrack to me was Zuba's ``Speed Queen'', although it is a really fine song. The soundtrack finishes up with a bang, doing ``Build Me Up Buttercup'', performed by The Foundations. POW, right between the eyes.

Now, let's speak of Jonathan. General awareness of Jonathan Richman continues to rise on the backs of the Farrelly Brothers as they continue to employ his quirky songs in their movies. ``Let Her Go Into the Darkness'' and ``True Love Is Not Nice'' were absolutely perfect choices and the title track is another of Jonathan's subtle boppers. Having Jonathan and Tommy Larkins (his longtime drummer) show up at every turn in the movie was hilarious. Last year I spoke of the packed Jonathan Richman concert I went to, after years of seeing him play only to us long-term dedicated fans. It was one of my favorite concerts of the year. If you liked this soundtrack and Jonathan's appearance in the movie, go check out his latest or one of his numerous Rounder releases!!

I bought this next soundtrack in 1998, though I notice it is copyrighted for 1997. I haven't liked most of Adam Sandler's movies, finding The Waterboy nearly unwatchable (despite some brilliant supporting performances), but I absolutely adored The Wedding Singer!!! At least some of it must be a winning performance by Drew Barrymore and the characters in the supporting cast. Adam Sandler does do a great job of putting together people you wouldn't expect to appear in his movies. And for any New Wave oriented music fan, the soundtrack is a killer. The CD leads off with The Presidents of the United States of America and their version ``Video Killed the Radio Star'', one of the songs that was played over the credits in the movie. The Buggles original is one of my favorite all-time songs, and I hated the Presidents' version when I heard it in the movie theatre. BUT, after buying the soundtrack and hearing it repeated times, this version has grown on me and I enjoy it too!! No better song is out there to capture some of the major changes in music through the period when this movie is set. The list of Culture Club, The Police, The Smiths, Psychedelic Furs, The Thompson Twins, Elvis Costello, David Bowie, and New Order cannot be topped as a representation of the pop wedding songs of the period. AND that doesn't even count Billy Idol's ``White Wedding'' and Billy's hilarious part in the movie!! Billy traditionally did many versions of his singles and the ``White Wedding'' version used here is sharp and crisp, but not the killer dance track version that made the rounds in the summer of 1982!!!

The Psychedelic Furs are woefully underrecognized, in my opinion, as they have an extremely strong body of consistent work (at least five albums worth). ``Love My Way'' is not one of their best known songs and so is perfect for this soundtrack. On the other hand, I am not a Thompson Twins fan at all, but ``Hold Me Now'' works very well as a bridge between Richard Butler and Elvis Costello. I thought I would skip over this song on the CD when I played it, but I don't! For a movie about a Wedding Singer doing dance songs, the soundtrack emphasizes more of the romance rather than the great party singles. ``Everyday I Write the Book'' is a gorgeous song that you almost could have sworn must have been written twenty years before 1983, but it is far, far from Declan's best dance song. ``China Girl'' is one of my favorite Bowie songs from a relatively dry era for him - at least partly due to the collaboration with Iggy Pop, no doubt. I also MUST mention ``Blue Monday'' or Drew James will be sure to comment (see an interesting discussion between us down below). Now, ``Blue Monday'' probably is mixed to be nearly the best dance song on the soundtrack. Like most New Order songs, it really kicks! And then ``Pass the Dutchie'', while a great song, seems not to quite be from the same soundtrack. Still, even Adam Sandler's silly ``Somebody Kill Me'' goes on just long enough.


This section is developing a list of the great party singles of the century. You'll get a definite sense of quirky before we're done. You'll also get a sense of timelessness. I'll assume that I'll also get some comments from some of you. I'm going to set a slate of only 10 - that's just ONE more from what is below and then DEMAND votes from you out there to fill the rest of the slots. The Bullpen voting system I am envisioning will work like this: you each get ten votes which you can allocate across as few as two songs (5 votes apiece) or as many as ten songs (1 vote for each). You can allocate your ten votes any way you want, but you can't put any more than five votes on any one song. You also get ONE B-52 song vote (although you can add votes from your main allotment if desired) and THREE Drug Song votes which will be held in a separate category. The other ``special'' bullpens must be voted on from your main allotment of votes. I decided that I WILL print running totals and print the names of the people who have voted. Also, you guys wrote some great stuff about the songs, so I've printed that too! Write-ins will be permitted, but are unlikely to win. I know I have lost some suggestions that aren't in the bullpen lists below, so feel free to mention 'em again! Everything that started in the bullpen started with one vote.

To encourage voting early, five voters at random will receive five US dollars from me (either in cash or paid to someone for Dip stuff). I will take these voters at random every other issue, starting with this issue, and draw one randomly, so early voters get FIVE chances to win, but no one will be allowed to win twice. I'm also giving the round one voters below five chances in said drawing, those in the second round four, and so on, to more heavily penalize the chances of those last minute voters and reward these pioneers! That should do it!! Since this issue is monstrous, I am pushing back my voters to next issue and my prize awards likewise. Prizes will be awarded in issues 222 and 224. Get your Round 4 votes in now if you don't see your name below!!! You each will receive two chances in the drawing for the next five dollar prize. Voters in Round 1 were Mike Barno($5), Rick Desper ($5), Tony Dickinson, Drew James, Heath Gardner, and John Harrington. Round 2 postal voters are John Schultz ($5) Ian Moore, and Stan Johnson. In future drawings these people will have five chances, just as the Round 1 voters. Round 2 E-Mail voters get four chances and are Scott Morris, Warren Goesle, Peter Sullivan, and Michael Lowrey. Round 3 voters are Dick Martin, Richard Weiss, and Rip Gooch; they get three chances to win. There are 60 chances up for grabs.... and Rick Desper wins this issue's prize. Since he is in Germany, he may find it useful. Let me know if you want me to send any money to someone here in the US!! I'll pay out all of the awards at the end, but if you need me to send anyone money, just speak up.

We'll end up with a monster party tape at the end of it that I plan to segue and sequence and copy for distribution. The result will be a great New Millenium party tape. I've also been thinking that I should put this out on CD as truly emblematic of the new millenium. I don't have the capability to do that quite yet, but I think I might by then. Any suggestions (or especially volunteers) on this front will be cheerfully accepted and could receive monetary payments!

So far, we have ``I Melt With You'' by Modern English; George Gershwin's ``I got Plenty O' Nuttin' '' from Porgy and Bess in the 1957 concert recording with Ella Fitzgerald finishing off the vocals after Louis Armstrong blows and sings through the tune; Duke Ellington performing Billy Strayhorn's ``Take the A Train''; Frank Sinatra's ``New York, New York''; something from the B-52's; the original Van Morrison and Them version of ``Gloria''; The (English) Beat's 12 inch version of ``Save It for Later'' ratchets things up to the next level (wherever you put it!); Buster Poindexter's ``Hot, Hot, Hot'' keeps you there; ``Atomic Dog'' by George Clinton blows the doors off, and Koko Taylor cleans up singing Willie Dixon's ``Wang Dang Doodle''.

EXTRA SPECIAL B-52'S BULLPEN: (5) ``Love Shack''. (4) ``Rock Lobster". (3) ``Planet Claire''. (2)``Give Me Back My Man"; NONE. (1) ``Dance This Mess Around"; ``Private Idaho''; ``Deadbeat Club''; ``52 Girls''.

BULLPEN: (9) Nirvana - ``Smells Like Teen Spirit". (8) ``Mannish Boy" - Muddy Waters. (7) ``Cumberland Blues'' - the Grateful Dead. (6) ``Twistin the Night Away" - Sam Cooke; ``Twist & Shout" - Beatles; ``Shake, Rattle, & Roll" - Big Joe Turner; ``Crossroads'' - Eric Clapton; ``Radar Love'' - Golden Earring; ``In Between Days'' - The Cure. (5) Devo - ``Whip It". (4) Lou Reed - ``Sweet Jane''; ``Jambalaya" - Hank Williams; Public Enemy - ``Bring Tha Noize"; ``I Feel Good" - James Brown; Peter Frampton - ``Do you feel like we do". (3) ``Dancing With Myself'' - Billy Idol's Gen X; ``Tweedle Dee'' by Lavern Baker; B Movie - ``Nowhere Girl"; ``Add It Up'' - Violent Femmes; ``I Wanna Be Sedated" - Ramones; ``Locomotion" - Little Eva; Ini Kamoze - ``Here Comes the Hotstepper"; Squeeze - ``If I Didn't Love You"; ``party at ground zero'' by fishbone; ``Rocking the Casbah'' - The Clash; ``The Butterfly Collector" - The Jam; ``Roadrunner'' - Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers; ``Proud Mary'' - Ike and Tina Turner; ``Magic Carpet Ride" - Steppenwolf. (2) ``Fire on the Mountain'' - the Grateful Dead; Violent Femmes - ``Blister in the Sun"; ``Want Ad Blues" - John Lee Hooker; ``Suffragette City'' - David Bowie; Green Day - ``Basket Case''; Susan Tedeschi - ``It Hurt So Bad''; ``Debaser'' - The Pixies; ``What I Like About You" - Romantics; ``Train In Vain'' - The Clash; Go-Go's - ``Our Lips are Sealed"; ``Revolution" - the Beatles; Little Richard - ``Rock Island Line''; ``Magic Mountain" - the Animals; ``Pass the Dutchie" - Peter Tosh; ``What Time is Love'' - KLF; ``In the Mood" - Glenn Miller; ``One Love" - Bob Marley; Doors - ``Roadhouse Blues"; Strunz and Farrah - ``Americas''; ``Louie, Louie'' - The Kingsmen; ``Ebeneezer Goode'' - The Shamen; ``Lithium'' - Nirvana. (1) ``Walk This Way'' - Run-DMC; ``How Soon Is Now?'' - The Smiths; ``Last of the Famous International Playboys'' - Morrissey; ``Brass in Pocket'' - The Pretenders; ``Roadrunner'' - the Animals; ``I'm Coming Out'' - Diana Ross; Clarence ``Gatemouth'' Brown - ``Up Jumped the Devil''; David Bowie - ``Fame''; ``Been Caught Stealing'' - Jane's Addiction; ``Hard to Handle'' - Black Crowes; ``Birth-day'' - Suzanne Vega; Bangles - ``Hazy Shade of Winter"; Led Zeppelin - ``Hey, Hey what can I do"; Three Dog Night - ``Shambala"; ``Party Train'' - Gap Band; Concrete Blonde - ``Still in Hollywood"; ``The Pusher" - Steppenwolf; ``Give the Dog a Bone" - AC/DC; ``Chain of Fools" - Aretha Franklin; ``Ballroom Blitz'' - The Sweet; ``Hi Ho Silver Lining'' - Jeff Beck; ``And We Danced" - Hooters; ``Particle Man" - They Might Be Giants; Erasure - ``River Deep, Mountain High"; ``All Along the Watchtower" - Jimi Hendrix's KISS THE SKY version of Bob Dylan's song); ``I Wanna Be a Lifeguard'' - Blotto; ``Hollywood Handsome" - Tuscadero; ``Connection" - Elsatica; ``Happiness is a Warm Gun" - The Breeders; ``Why do you Drink?" - Hank Williams, Jr.; ``Freshly" - Dillinger; ``Fool's Gold'' - Stone Roses; ``Wannabe'' - Spice Girls; ``All Right Now'' - Free; Hot Chocolate -``You sexy thing"; ``Brick House".

SPECIAL GEORGE CLINTON BULLPEN: (2) ``I Just Wanna Testify''; ``Flash Light''. (1) Prince - ``Bob & George"; ``Let's Take It to the Stage'', ``The Pinocchio Theory''.

SPECIAL MILLENNIUM BULLPEN: ``1999'' - Prince; ``Disco 2000'' - Pulp. These songs are officially INELIGIBLE FOR THE TAPE!!!

SPECIAL ROLLING STONES BULLPEN: (6) ``Paint It Black''. (3) ``Satisfaction". (2) ``Sympathy for the Devil''; ``Jumpin' Jack Flash"; ``Brown Sugar''. (1) ``Get Off of My Cloud''; ``Gimme Shelter''; ``Honky Tonk Woman''; ``Street Fighting Man''; ``Bitch''; ``I met a ginsoaked bar-room queen in Memphis".

SPECIAL TALKING HEADS BULLPEN: (9) ``Take me to the River". (2) ``Life During Wartime''; ``Psycho Killer''. (1) ``The Great Curve''; the entire Speaking in Tongues record.

SPECIAL ALPHABET SONG BULLPEN: (5) ``YMCA" - Village People. (1) ``MTA" - Kingston Trio.

SPECIAL DRUG MUSIC BULLPEN: (7) ``Red, Red Wine'' - UB40. (6) ``Don't Bogart that Joint'' - Fraternity of Man; ``The Old Dope Peddler'' - Tom Lehrer. (5) ``Casey Jones'' - the Grateful Dead. (3) ``Cocaine'' - Eric Clapton's version; The Toys - ``Smoke Two Joints''; ``Bush Doctor'' - Peter Tosh; ``Love Is the Drug'' - Roxy Music. (2) ``Easy Skanking" - Bob Marley; ``Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll'' - Ian Dury and the Blockheads; ``The Needle and the Damage Done'' - Neil Young; ``I'm an Okie from Muskogee'' - Merle Haggard; Stranglers - ``Golden Brown''; entire Animals album - Pink Floyd; ``Panama Red'' - New Riders; Thin Lizzy - ``Whisky in the Jar''. (1) ``Smoke, Smoke, Smoke (That Cigarette)'' - Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen; ``Legalize It'' - Peter Tosh; ``Heroin'' - Lou Reed and Velvet Underground; ``The Drugs Don't Work" - The Verve; ``Old Red Eyes is Back" - Beautiful South; ``Hemp, for Victory'' - Ramon Renedge; ``Revolution'' - Spacemen 3; ``Halcyon'' - Orbital; ``Sinsemilla" - Black Uhuru; Hawkwind - ``LSD''; ``Hassan I Sahba''(Hashish) - Hawkwind; Sisters Of Mercy - ``Amphetamine Logic''; ``More Songs about Chocolate and Girls'' - The Undertones; Pink Floyd - ``Obscured by Clouds''; ``Cars Hiss By My Window'' from LA Woman - The Doors; Levellers - ``Just the One''; New Model Army - ``Heroin''.

Dick Martin (Mon, 24 May 1999 08:50:38 -0500)

jimbob - better send these in before i forget them... drug votes - ``love is the drug" by roxy music, 3 votes (you go into the corner & do your thing...i'll do mine) ((I love that song, I'm tempted to push it myself!!)) b52s vote - ``love shack", 1 vote others - 1 vote each to: ``smells like teen spirit", ``twistin the night away", ``shake, rattle & roll", ``jambalaya", ``want-ad blues", ``locomotion", ``party at ground zero", ``our lips are sealed", ``twist & shout" and ``bring tha noiz" (while hoping that jimbob uses his executive privilege for ``what i like about you" and ``i feel good") ((Since you let me beat you up in Caruso Baseball, and because I really want those two to win, I've slipped you the extra votes.)) some might win, some will not - but i'd take any of these tunes onto the dance floor anytime. i'm not familiar with the gershwin pick, but it seems a bit on the languid side for good party music. ((Really NOT, you haven't heard this great version yet, methinks.)) that version of ``gloria" though....i heard it on the radio just the other day & it sounded so anemic ((I've got a few versions, and there is one that is just dynamite..... though, I also love that U2 song.... you're makin' me think....)) - give me the u2 or patti smith versions anyday (or ``brown eyed girl" if you just want a van song). i also must confess that buster poindexter doesn't do anything for me. but as my old friend rod walker used to say all the time, ``de gustibus non es dispudandum." the anthraxified version of ``bring the noise" makes the original sound like ``happy birthday" - i think it was on pe's apocalypse 91 cd but i don't remember offhand. i've burned a cd for you with a few of the nominees that you might not be familiar with, as well as a bunch of other stuff. right now i can only do cd- > cd copies, which isn't very useful. looks like i might have to upgrade my windoze machine to be able to copy from analog sources. sigh! course...if i do that i'll be able to play quake ii...moan! can't send the cd via email so i'll fling it off when i get a mailer for it.


((I've got it and see what you mean about the Anthrax additions!! Wow! Not my cup of tea, but I readily admit its power. Thank you VERY much for the CD.))

Richard Weiss (Fri, 21 May 1999 22:49:13 PDT)

Jim: You are a great conversationalist - animated, interested, conversant, with value to add. Good to see you again.

Voting on the millenium CD: My ego would like some recognition on the tape info for suggesting the drug bullpen and putting together the first entrants. After voting ``NONE" to the B-52's however, I might be banned forever. ((No, I can take some revolts in the ranks.)) As reported earlier, or even twice, I went to see the B-52's and the Pretenders last year, never dreaming that the B's were the final act, the bigger enchilada. I left partway through. Boring. Bad, alternative before their time. Heavy and bubble gum at the same time. Although, I have had fun at a love shack to love shack. ((Everyone's got an opinion....))

Lilith Fair is playing here in July with Cheryl Crow, Sarah McLachlan and the PRETENDERS so I may be standing in line Sunday morning to get good seats to see my heart/ear throb sing again - Chrissie Hynde. Matter of fact, time to put it on the speakers. Maybe they will even play acoustic again. ((``Brass in Pocket'' by the Pretenders has always been MY favorite dance song of theirs. In your honor, I have added that to the list.))

RC Weiss Drug Bullpen: The Toys - Smoke Two Joints (still played every Friday at 5 PM on KFOG in SF. Twice the Toys have been in the studios and played it acoustically live. One vote. UB40 ``Red, Red Wine" - 1 vote. Clapton and ``Cocaine" 1 vote. Breaks my heart to bypass the Dead and Casey, but I don't think I ever danced to this at a party. ((I've been feeling like I probably will add just the top song (maybe two) from this list and use it as the ``break'' song that can make everything else seem better. We'll see. If ``Love Is the Drug'' wins, that is a GREAT party song, bar none.))

Regular Bullpen: 2 votes for Strunz and Farrah ``americas" - the most phenomenal jazz song of all time!! One vote each for the amazing Talking Heads songs from my favorite sound track and concert-movie: ``Take me to the River" and ``Life During Wartime." I don't think there was a house party with music and dancing during the 1980's from release that didn't include these songs, or even the entire ``Stop making Sense" CD. Because it brought people to the floor and kept them there, sweating. And I was occasionally in the corner. Go Charlotte!

1 for ``Louie, Louie. C'mon. You danced to that over a hundred times and so did I. ((Nope, not me.... perhaps it's because we're slightly different generations. I'll admit things like that about ``Brick House'', which I've been hoping no one would mention for the list. Still, it's a legitimate song, and a legitimate vote.)) We can't rewrite history now. 1 for ``One Love" by Bob Marley. A different kind of dance tune, but obligatory for parties and brought out lots of dancers. 1 for the Doors' ``Roadhouse Blues." Before I danced at parties I danced in my room, and Roadhouse Blues was one of those songs I loved and helped me learn rhythmn and dancing.

Of the Stones work, I'd say ``Bitch'', ``Brown Sugar'' and ``I met a ginsoaked bar-room queen in Memphis" were the songs my friends most danced to at parties. However, the others had some moments and are worth nostalgic memories. I don't remember the Beatles songs being popular dance music after the very early twist songs and doubt many other of your readers actually go back THAT far. ((I remember the period in the 1970's before disco when those Beatles songs were still popular at parties. This went with the Supremes and all the other great 60's music very well.))

I'm very tempted to chide the readership and myself for not having nominated more DISCO, RAVE, TECHNO, INDUSTRIAL songs. But, in choosing one to vote for (a precondition to my nominating a write-in) I will vote 1 for Ini Kamoze and ``Here Comes the Hotstepper." ((I kept wanting to do so myself, but I had much more trouble deciding which songs to take. I keep hoping I'll get more votes. Here's a promise, any ``good'' (defined by me) songs in those genres proposed, including this one, get two extra votes from me. That'll help anyone sitting on the sidelines because they have songs of those types on their list, so don't feel like voting.)) My last vote is also to be wasted on a late-addition write in, but I can't resist voting for the hottest and brightest female blues artist currently performing, Susan Tedeschi, and while ``rock my right" fulfills are prerequisites, I'd rather dance to ``it hurt so bad." I'll be seeing her in a winery next month, and if the place isn't dancing by then, they'd better watching out for me to karaoke dance. ((I'll give you an extra vote for that too!)) Which leaves Hot Chocolate's ``You sexy thing" out of nomination and also ``Brick House."

Richard, rcw23 of

((Ugh, I swear I wasn't looking at the bottom of your letter when I wrote the note a couple of paragraphs up.... oh, I'm shamed. I'll give each of those one vote... but that's all, unless someone else chimes in. You know, I have to admit that I can't even remember who did ``Brick House''! Someone want to enlighten a couple of senile old dancers?))

Drew James (Tue, 08 Jun 1999 12:51:45 -0400)


I just bought the new Electronic album. Too bad it is only available as an import in North America as I think it is the best of the three Electronic releases. It just makes me yearn for New Order. I also see that there is a new Joy Division release out of a live show. I don't plan to pick it up I can't believe there is anything new on it.

OK I am going to say it. You recommended that I try Fear and Whiskey as my first Mekons' album. Although I have tried real hard, I haven't really enjoyed it. It is good song writing, but I find it sort of dull. I understand that they have changed their styles several times over the years. Is there another album by them which I should try. Every other disk I have picked up from your recommendations have been excellent so I want to give it another shot.

Drew James, drew.james of

((Drew, I want to give you a very long answer to this question. I look at the clock and don't have time. Here's a short one. Try the Mekons Rock 'n Roll next - that's the heart of Sally Timms country and see if that doesn't grab you. I'll address the wider questions next ish.))

Rip Gooch (Fri, 4 Jun 1999 11:33:42 -0700 (PDT))


Well, England has made an unfortunate exit from the cricket World Cup due to an extraordinary performance by Zimbabwe (whodathunk?) and general lacklustre play. So that kills one possibility for further correspondence! Unless, of course, someone wants to start a debate on the state of English cricket which will mean nothing whatsoever to a large chunk of your readership. Don't worry - I'm too demoralised to start anything myself ... And don't talk to me about baseball. The Jays line up a dazzling roster then proceed to show the rest of us how to under-achieve. How frustrating. At least Surrey CCC is winning (back to cricket again - must stop mixing my sports). Incidentally, wasn't history's most significant sportsman a certain young black fellow who wiped the smile off Hitler's face in 1938? He'd receive every one of my votes in a poll. ((Australia won, I believe, beating Pakistan in the final!! The incredible reaction of the Pakistani's was quite frightening. I guess cricket ***MUST*** be important.))

Talking (or writing, if you're as pedantic as I suspect you are) of polls, perhaps I should formalise my approach to your music feature. If I understand the voting system (we Brits have such difficulty with the Bullpen concept), I can submit the following without being sent off for an early bath (a rugger expression).

My B-52s vote goes to Rock Lobster entirely thanks to the fact that the appalling Love Shack video is played incessantly on Much More Music. If memory serves, Rock Lobster actually did rather better than Shack in the UK first time around.

Dope Heads should call upon Red Red Wine (the UB40 version with its faux-Reggae beat always reminds me of a swelteringly hot vacation in Benidorm - long story). The original by someone whose name temporarily escapes me is far better, but I don't want to shake up the bullpen at this stage. Then perhaps Golden Brown by The Stranglers. Anything with a rasping bass-line and a somnambulistic vocal fits the bill. Third - and this is a long shot - Cars Hiss By My Window from LA Woman by The Doors. This was the ultimate relaxation in the early 70s. Accompanying the very best Paki Black that Southampton Docks could provide, this track seemed to go on forever!

Now for the main voting. I'll dip into the Talking Heads Bullpen to remind you of Psycho Killer. A superb you-can-all-join-in track. Definitely worth one of my precious votes. Nine more to come, each with one vote, and including a few additions to the Bullpen just to stir things up because I'm awkward. ((You got a bonus vote for a good choice....))

Mannish Boy by Muddy Waters. Sublime - the true roots of r&b and r&r in one record. Such feeling. Radar Love by Golden Earring. I recall this as the one where the drummer vaulted over his kit at the moment of climax. Very Freudian. The local pub-rock band The Poor Boys ( whose guitarist is a personal friend does a note-perfect rendition. Sadly, the drummer cannot be persuaded to perform the special feat. Crossroads by Eric Clapton. Preferably the live version but any of the studio ones will do. Cream was a special favourite of mine way back when. Disraeli Gears is near the top of my all-time list. Whip It by Devo. Thanks to the Bullpen for this. I'd forgotten all about it! A magical song. Proud Mary by Ike & Tina Turner. No comment required. Have you heard the Brian Wilson versions? Different!! Roadrunner by Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers. Singalong stuff. I've played this at numerous parties myself. Never fails. ((Yeah, and earned a bonus vote, 'cause I'm trying to push it.)) Three more to go, and I don't much fancy any of the other offerings. So, here are my additions. No chance for inclusion, but they might jog a few memories ... Suffragette City by David Bowie. A guaranteed floor- filler back in my DJing days in the early 70s. Wham Bam Thank You Man!!! ((Also a bonus vote...)) Ballroom Blitz by The Sweet. What, no Sweet in the ultimate dance collection? Shame on you!! One from elsewhere. Put on Hi Ho Silver Lining by Jeff Beck at ANY dance in the UK and you'll instantly have a crowded dance floor. Fists punching the air to the chorus. The ultimate cliche singalong, almost a caricature these days. Separates the youngsters from us Old Fogies. The Poor Boys hadn't heard of it, so it seems to have never put in an appearance in the US. Maybe its time has passed, but it would be interesting to hear anyone else's views. I can guarantee that 100 of your British readers will know of it - though they might be reluctant to admit it!! ((Two good songs to be sure, but not worth extra votes from me. I'd totally forgotten about the Beck. I used to play that on my alternative radio shows in college.))

No Rolling Stones, I'm afraid. Couldn't choose between Honky Tonk Woman, Brown Sugar and Street Fighting Man. Also, no Queen on the list. Surprising, given both their anthems and their early high-volume high-speed rockers. Flick Of The Wrist. I'd nominate lots more if I had the chance. Deep Purple, Steve Miller (Livin' In The USA, Overdrive etc.), James Gang with Joe Walsh. How's about Rocky Mountain Way or Life's Been Good?

Must stop. I'm getting into a groove and I have other things to do. More soon.

Visit for my exciting new website. Contributions invited.

This Has Been, Rip Gooch, ripgch of

Scott Morris (Tue, 8 Jun 1999 20:14:15 EDT)


Please feel free to put my home phone number at the end of my address for my TAP games. In case any of these swine wish to lie to me directly rather than through email.

I saw Star Wars. What a rip. It sucked plain and simple. I guarantee you that we could write a better script. It was garbage. Jar Jar banks or whatever his name is needs to go sell his crack to some other movie. I could not understand what that computer generated freak was saying. What demographic group were they trying to make fun of? Also could the princess talk in MORE of a monotone voice??? IT'S NOT POSSIBLE. It's like she tried like hell to say her words flat faced. I guess somebody told her that royalty is somber. George Lucas is a jerk!

I am stealing this from a joke sent to me but it's true. ``In the rating system from Ishtar to the original Star Wars. Phantom Menace rates a Tango and Cash."

From the ville, Scott, ScottM221 of

Rip Gooch (Tue, 8 Jun 1999 12:31:15 -0700 (PDT))


Felt like writing - and yours is the first address on my list!

I am amused, but not the slightest bit surprised, to read somewhere that the title of the latest Austin Powers film is causing some difficulties. A relatively harmless word to Americans has been bleeped on radio in the UK where ``shagged" is a crude euphemism not normally used in polite company. It will be interesting to discover whether prudish Brits or persuasive Yanks will win this particular battle. In this part of Canada, the word ``shag" has found a uniquely localised meaning. Sheer laziness has combined the words stag and hen to denote a combined pre-nuptial stag night and hen party. I must admit to being nonplussed the first time I saw the word in print in the local newspaper, although I am familiar with the similarly-named sixties dance craze.

((They've announced that it will be publicized in Britain and many other English countries as ``Austin Powers II"....))

The Austin Powers controversy reminds me of the amusing instance of the naming of a new Monkees' single. In search of a title from the unpromising lyrics, the English David Jones suggested - with tongue firmly in cheek - ``Randy Scouse Git". A phrase familiar to Brits due to its frequent uttering by Alf Garnett in 'Til Death Do Us Part, and highly offensive to Liverpudlians, it was meaningless to Americans. The American version of 'Til Death starring the fabulous Archie Bunker was bland in comparison. Before David's protests could be registered, the title was approved and the single actually appeared under this name in the States. Only when a distribution date was sought in the UK was the offensive nature of the title noted. In the UK and elsewhere in the English-speaking world, the single was re-named ``Alternate Title", and it did rather well. The Rhino boxed set reverts to the American title but, if memory serves, no reference is made to its origin.

On the question of word meanings, I have noticed that misguided attempts are being made to introduce the word ``bugger" into everyday American English. The word will have been noted in the speech of certain individuals who attended public (American private equivalent) schools where fagging, beating and homosexual activity were, allegedly, par for the course. The noun is generally mild when used as an epithet for a fool (``silly bugger"), but there is a narrow dividing line over which one can step unawares into its more literal meaning as a verb. I've noticed the word ``buggerer" being used in some places. This word has only one possible meaning, and it is decidedly offensive if applied to a Brit whose sexual orientation may be in question.

All for now; This Has Been Rip Gooch, ripgch of

Richard Weiss (Mon Jun 14 14:28:46 1999)

I went to the Montalvo Mountain Winery in Saratoga CA Friday night. Up on a hill, overlooking Silicon Valley, very toney town, a small bowl of a venue with the immediate backdrop a 150 year old wineray/monastery covered with ivory (used as the backroom for the bands) and behind that another 200 feet of hill. Imagine one-half of a high school gymnasium without walls or ceilings as the size and shape of the venue, including the bleachers perpendicular to the floor seats. Total seating a little over 1,000. I'd never been to this, or heard of it, but they and two other of their venues have seasonal series of great performers. Somehow the day I called, 4th row, center had returned his/her tickets for that show and they were mine. Angela Strehli opened. Typical. Female singer. Band can't boogie enough. Her new guitar player slightly off in rhythm and notes on solos. My date is very impressed and says that she can't imagine the next act being any better. Wrong.

Buddy Guy is always better. His performances are always within the top 3/handful of performers. Same band as over the past few years (can't vouch for the bass player). Tore the place up. Wandered around the audience. Imitated guitarists the audience called out. Then got bored and said he could play ``Buddy Guy" also, and did. Wow. Found out that the Allman Brother Band performances out here in August will have Susan Tedeschi opening. I'm going. Saw the Bros right before they became famous, college homecoming, all night wonderfulness. Then maybe some festival and then last year in a small venue - played each note note for note, boring. But, Susan, I'll go for her. And radio rumor is that Double Trouble is now part of her backup band. Hmmm.

Richard, rcw23 of

Rip Gooch (Fri, 18 Jun 1999 09:51:47 -0700 (PDT))

Jim, Canada versus the US playing rugby?! Oookay. I'll watch it but I'll not believe it ;-)

How's about starting a debate drawing parallels between baseball and cricket? I've noticed some similarities, especially now that the batsman's stance is increasingly that of a baseball batter (bat held high rather than tapping the crease). If McGwire is Botham (power, technique, consistency), does that make Fernandez the equal of Lara or Gower?

I just watched the most amazing semi-final match between Australia and South Africa. I can't wait to show the video to the local skeptics. ``Everything stops for tea" indeed!

Best of 1998? I can tell you what I bought. Imagination by Brian Wilson (sublime harmonies - up to 64 vocal tracks all by Brian, thoughtful lyrics, no fillers. I wish I could see him in concert. See A&E on Sunday!). Best of Bruce and Terry (on Sundazed. The ultimate hot-rod duo. Bruce Johnston and Terry Melcher also recorded under various names. Relive the sixties.) Robbie Williams 2 CDs. (Listen to The Ego Has Landed, the US/Canadian two-fer recently released. Stunning stuff. And what a performer!). Up by R.E.M. (Make up your own mind. I've read the reviews ... ).

This Has Been, Rip Gooch, ripgch of


``So I called up George and he called up Jim, I said let's make a deal.

He said he'd talk to him. Gonna start a church where you can save yourself,

You can make some noise, When you've got no choice...

You told me useful things, what people think of me, I guess I should thank you.

It's true, then I agree... I'm all alone, I've got no choice,

I'm all alone, I've got no choice."

From ``Got No Choice" by the incomparable Mark Cutler, from the CD Mark Cutler and Useful Things.

If you want to submit orders, press, or letters by E-Mail, you can find me through the Internet system at ``burgess of''. If anyone has an interest in having an E-Mail address listed so people can negotiate with you by computer, just let me know. FAX orders to (401) 277-9904.

Standby lists:

Mike Barno, Dick Martin, Brad Wilson, Jack McHugh, Glenn Petroski, Steve Emmert, Mark Kinney, Vince Lutterbie, Eric Brosius, Paul Rauterberg, Stan Johnson, Randy Ellis, Heath Gardner, Phil Reynolds, Paul Kenny, Dan Gorham, and John Schultz stand by for regular Diplomacy.

Kurt Ozog, Mike Barno, Phil Reynolds, Jim Sayers, Troy Mooney, and Harry Andruschak stand by for the Colonial Diplomacy game.

Brad Wilson, Jack McHugh, Phil Reynolds, Jim Sayers, Randy Ellis, and Kurt Ozog stand by for the Modern Diplomacy game.

Karl Schuetz stands by for the Colonia game.

Let me know if you want on or off these lists. Standbies get the szine for free and receive my personal thanks. I purged the lists of some out of date names and updated some others who wanted to be added. I'd really appreciate it if anyone wanted to be added to the lists, or put back on if I removed your name in error. I still am maintaining something I'm very proud of.... one of the lowest NMR and resignation rates in the hobby. I very seldom have to call on this bunch, but I appreciate your availability anyway.


Breaking Away is almost full for the next opening, see the sign-up list discussion under the game below. This game will appear in David Partridge's subszine Tinamou. See the subszine for more details.

The only Diplomacy oriented opening left is an opening for a game of Star Trek Diplomacy! This will be the last Diplomacy game opening until a game or two ends. Even though there has been no interest yet, perhaps some will develop if it is my only opening. See Stephen Agar's rules on his web page at:

There are two changes I am looking at when I start the game. First, I really want to name all the star systems after Star Trek locations. I have begun to do this already, but if someone wants to contribute significantly, or even volunteer to do it all, I will offer a free game start in the game. Second, after naming all of the systems, I think I want to nix the ``revolving rings'' rule. The game start is open now, and since I want to STRONGLY encourage press, you can sign up and ``claim'' a race. No interest in this game? I really want to run this. I guess I gotta work on my map and publish it.

I suppose I have to admit that no one is requesting Pontevedria, the North American game opening flyer, from Conrad von Metzke any more. You can contact Conrad by E-Mail at metzke of if you want to ask him about it. I'd be pleased to help anyone find other game openings on a personal basis too. The longer run solution might come out of the efforts of the Brits, on which we might be able to piggyback. If you are interested, contact Stephen Agar at stephen of who still heads up The Diplomatic Pouch postal section or or join the Brit hobby mailing list at:

(Sometimes I Feel Like) FLETCHER CHRISTIAN: 1999Cgh013, Colonia VIIb Diplomacy



Spring 1751

AUSTRIA (Prosnitz): a budapest-VIENNA, a vienna-BAVARIA, a surinam-BELEM,

f trieste-ADRIATIC, f tahiti-SOUTH PACIFIC.

CHINA (Acheson): a peking-WUHAN, a wuhan-TIBET, a xian-CHINGHAI, f amoy-EAST CHINA SEA.

ENGLAND (Power): a ecuador-PERU, a nigeria-KAMERON, f malaya-SIAM, f edinburgh-NORTH SEA,

f london-IRISH SEA.

FRANCE (Gamble): a paris-TOULON, f toulon-LIGURIAN SEA, a dakar-SAHARA,

a quebec-MASSACHUSETTS, a bordeaux-LEON.

NETHERLANDS (Morris): a antwerp-HELGOLAND, a florida-LOUISIANA, a angola-GABON,

f hague-HAMBURG(WC), f melbourne-CORAL SEA.

OTTOMAN (Johnson): a ismir-BAGHDAD, a jerusalem-SUEZ, a baghdad-PERSIA,


PORTUGAL (Stimmel): a lagos-LISBON, a alaska-VANCOUVER, a goa-NIZAM,

a brazil-ARGENTINA, f lisbon-CANARIES.

RUSSIA (Rauterberg): a moscow-KIEV, a kiev-LITHUANIA, a omsk-MONGOLIA, a cape colony-NATAL,

f st.pete(sc)-BALTIC SEA, f vladivostok-KOREA.

SPAIN (Gardner): a madrid-VALENCIA, a mexico-TEXAS, a somalia-ETHIOPIA, f valencia-WESTERN MEDITERRANEAN SEA,


Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Gene Prosnitz, 2600 Netherland Ave., Apt. 1116, Riverdale, NY 10463, (718) 601-8131 ($5)

CHINA: Bob Acheson, 304-556 Laurier Ave., Ottawa, ONTARIO K1R 7X2, CANADA ($5)

racheson of

ENGLAND: John Power, 2021 Westcreek Lane, #20, Houston, TX 77027 ($5)

jrpower of

FRANCE: Terry Gamble, 201 Kenney Ave., Barksdale AFB, LA 71110 ($5)

velobus of

NETHERLANDS: Scott Morris, 12110 Shelbyville Rd., Louisville, KY 40243, (502) 893-8260 ($5)

Scottm221 of

OTTOMAN: Stan Johnson, 12036 S. Potomac St., Phoenix, AZ 85044, (602) 589-0034 ($5)

PORTUGAL: Robert Stimmel, Apt. #57, Casa de Sherry Apts., 2462 North Sycamore Blvd.,

Tucson, AZ 85712-2541, (520) 326-8369 ($5)

RUSSIA: Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Dr., Greenfield, WI 53221, (414) 281-2339 (E-Mail)

prosit of

SPAIN: Heath Gardner, 3017 Mayview Road, Raleigh, NC 27607 ($5)

dweezil of or bassoon of

Game Notes:

1) Some more reminders that the small maps that are floating around incorrectly have IFNI and TAUREG touching, but really SAHARA should be touching MOROCCO, making it impossible for IFNI and TAUREG to touch. I doubt I blew any adjudications this time, since no one challenged anyone else directly, but please check. I think I got all of the coasts correct, but try to remember to mark them in your orders.

2) Thanks for the explosion of press! It is a bit surprising, but welcome.

3) Since many of you were in Doug Kent's game, I should note that Michael Lowrey has received information from Doug Kent and is preparing to restart the game, probably with himself as GM. You should hear from Michael in the near future.


(O-A): Have no fear, have no fear, you will be killed right away.

(MADRID - PARIS): You never answered my e-mail. Perhaps there's an ISP problem or something? When you get this, please drop me a line, we need to talk.

(VERSAILLES): With a strong fascist element and government to the north of France and the allied tyrants to the south, the fate of France's monarchy is in peril. To be able to build a large army and navy King Nicolas has decided to send as many troops abroad and recruit more troops from the local populations. French troops are on the move all across the globe. The primary goal of the French is to establish a strong foothold and defense in both the New World and on the Black Continent. After communities are started and the economy improves then French culture will be introduced to the native population. Many of the tribes around Quebec are already adapting to the French Language. The natives of the Cote d'or region are a bit more stubborn about change.

(LONDON ENQUIRER): The Saxons Uniting the Countries of Mother Earth party won parliamentary elections yesterday and announced that they would begin immediately their policy of uniting the world under English rule. ``It's become obvious to the English people that no one else is responsible enough to rule themselves" stated new PM Richard Longfellow. ``Look at the travesty in the Netherlands. Sure, I'd like to party with Mr. Prink, but to let him run a country ..."

(MADRID - LISBON: I have avoided the ``No-Man's-Land" of central Iberia, as we discussed. Let's keep talking about how to further stabilize this region. ((Looks like someone forgot to speak to France....))

(MONTREAL): The Marquis Marcel LaSalle and his partner Louis Marceau are making plans to explore the interior of Neuvaux France and Establish trade routes and colonies all along the great LaSalle river that runs from the thousand Lakes Region south to the Gulf of Mexico. It has been proposed to name the Missouri wilderness after both partners. Since the River that borders the region bears LaSalle's name, the new wilderness may become the Great Marcel - Marceau wilderness, but so far none of the other world powers will change their maps to the new name. They won't even discuss it, it is not a preposterous idea but so far the topic is a mute point.

(MOSCOW to PEKING): See? There are greener pastures out there, and they're a LOT warmer, too!

(KIEV to OTTOMAN): Best to shoot for the ``sure things" first, and pick on the nearest big guy thereafter. Remember, you're getting lots bigger just as fast as they are....

(MADRID - VIENNA): As much as I would like to have Naples, I may as well just let you take it. I'm such a nice guy.

(CAPE TOWN): A safari to the Natal was launched recently, loaded primarily with tubs of months-old caviar. The aim is to dump these into the Somali Sea, attracting vast numbers of great white sharks to the area. Hopefully, this will discourage any would-be sailors from Spanish Somalia from venturing into that space (and will reassure those fellows that WE have no ambitions there either)!

(MONGOLIA): Plans were finalized today to create a vast cemetery in the region known as Manchuria. If anyone tries to stop us from taking over that area, the burial grounds will fill up all the sooner....

(NETHERLANDS): Sir Earl Prink announces that he is frustrated that he cannot get an email through to the English Prime Minister. ``we wish PIECE! but we can't get our last minutes fears through to the English! Our move in Africa is defensive.''

Prink also announces that he agrees with the Ottoman ambassador and wishes to talk further.

The NIKE party has agreed to a joint operation with the Russians. It is our fondest hope that whatever Prink signed on that night filled with vodka and loose woman was in the best interests of the Netherlands. Prink's memory is hazy but he remembers seeing an Austrian behind the curtain. He hopes it was just an alcohol induced vision.

(THE KREMLIN): In the hope of reaching out to his beloved subjects throughout the expanse of Mother Russia, the Tsar has granted a one-time right for a free press to be created; this is for the sole purpose of an interview with Tsar Paul Romanov on whatever topics seem to interest the Russian people.


Q. Greetings, oh Holy Tsar! For the sake of this interview, may I call you Paul?

A. My wife the Empress of All the Russias does not call me ``Paul." You will content yourself with the simple honorific ``My Lord". Remember that I will not countenance impertinence: with a word, I can have you cheerfully strangled.

Q. As you will, my Lord. The world outside of the borders of Russia seems to be an increasingly turbulent place. What is your view of the situation?

A. Most of the trouble seems to arise in the rivalries of petty States and Principalities. They fight over the same turf, generation after generation. In order to bring peace to those areas, it is necessary for larger Empires to occupy them and to keep a watchful eye on the locals. If they are to continue slaughtering one another, it must be under the auspices of our mandates.

Q. Unprecedented wisdom, my lord! Where would this process be initiated?

A. In areas adjacent to the Russian Empire, of course. It is our fervent wish to prevent the spillover of those local squabbles into our own land; we have sufficient petty jealousies of our own to contend with.

Q. The people of Russia are united in their curiosity about your daughter in law, Catherine of Holstein. What can you tell us about her?

A. The sow is appropriately from a principality of a cow's name; many contend that she is attempting to mate with cows and horses to satisfy her obsession with the size of their members. Perhaps that accounts for her many miscarriages and false pregnancies.

To be continued....

SECRETS: 1999D, Regular Diplomacy



Spring 1901

AUSTRIA (Zarr): f tri-ALB, a vie-BUD, a bud-SER.

ENGLAND (Sayers): a lvp-EDI, f lon-NTH, f edi-NWG.

FRANCE (Sasseville): f bre-MID, a par-PIC, a mar-SPA.

GERMANY (Pinelli): f kie-DEN, a mun-RUH, a ber-KIE.

ITALY (Dwyer): f nap-ION, a rom-APU, a ven-TYO.

RUSSIA (Trent): f stp(sc)-GOB, a mos-STP, a war-UKR, f sev-RUM.

TURKEY (Munson): f ank-BLA, a smy-ARM, a con-BUL.

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Harold Zarr, 215 Glen Drive, Iowa Falls, IA 50126-1957, (515) 648-2821 ($5)

hdzarr of

ENGLAND: Jim Sayers, 15 Holdsworth Street, Woollahra 2025, AUSTRALIA ($10)

100233.513 of

FRANCE: Roland Sasseville, Jr., 38 Bucklin Street, Pawtucket, RI 02861, (401) 722-4029 ($5)

roland6 of

GERMANY: Richard Pinelli, 3042 Cherry Lane, Northbrook, IL 60062, (847) 291-7520 ($5)

drahcir of

ITALY: Luke Dwyer, 49 Middlesex Drive, Slingerlands, NY 12159, (518) 439-5796 ($4)

Ldwyer of

RUSSIA: Chris Trent, 8553 Banff Vista Dr., Elk Grove, CA 95624, (916) 685-7772 ($5)

ChrisT98 of

TURKEY: Scott Munson, PO Box 1042, Gardiner, MT 59030, (406) 848-2102 ($5)

samunson71 of

Game Notes:

1) Some diverse press, but not as much as I prefer, but at least we had some cutthroat openings! I like!!


(E-F): absolutely

(E-G): never

(MOSCOW-LONDON): What's the matter, cat got your tongue?

(E-R): probably

(MACH to WORLD): Our spies are busy assessing the various rulers will they be ``... generous and others miserly...some are called open handed, others rapacious; some cruel, others effeminate and weak, others fierce and bold ; some courteous, others haughty; some lascivious, others chaste; some frank others wily; some stubborn, others pliant, some grave others merry; some religious, others unbelieving; and so forth" (The Prince p. 56) Which qualities do you represent?

(TURKISH CAPTAIN to RUSSIAN LANDLUBBERS): Do not be alarmed, good people. We only mean to slaughter your men, rape your women and enslave your children. Or any combination of the afore mentioned. We are not picky. Children DO make better slaves, though. Their little hands are better at cleaning intricate machinery in our factories. And when a hand gets ripped off by a drive belt or stuck in the gears, the soft bones merely get turned into mush and don't clog the works up like an adults. Their whimperings also tend to be more musical in nature. Nothing beats falling asleep to the sniffling and whimpering of thuroughly flogged, one-handed slave child.

(FRANCE'S LEADING CITIZEN THE MARQUIS DE SADE to WORLD): Please read my latest quote which may be found in the press for ``Show Me the Money". It answers the eternal question of why we French must say bad things about other people. Ah sweet pleasure...

(TURKISH AMBASSADOR to WORLD): AHEM!! Our most sincere apologies for the not quite accurate rantings of some of our lower-bred seafaring brothers. We Would NEVER slaughter, rape and enslavement in any hodge-podge order. We SLAUGHTER men, RAPE women and ENSLAVE children. At least that's how the current governing class view such things....

(F-JIM): From which of my extensive library shall I draw upon to enlighten the folks in this world? Mayhap I tire of Machiavellian ways and should select something lighter? Suggestions? ((I really hate to be the one to suggest that kind of thing....))

SADDAM HUSSEIN: 1999 Arn42, Nuclear Yuppie Evil Empire Diplomacy - Black Hole Variant


Summer 1902

AUSTRIA (Barno): has f TRI, a BOH, a SER, and nuked GM, Kurt Ozog, BUL, TYO, VEN.

ENGLAND (S. Kenny): has f WAL, f NWG, a YOR, and nuked ENG, MID, IRI, BRE(2), SKA.

FRANCE (McCullough): has f GAS, a BUR, and nuked RUH, HOL, HEL, DEN, BAL.

GERMANY (Weiss): has a PRU and nuked BRE(2), PAR, MAR, SPA, POR,

ITALY (Reichert): has f APU, a TUS, and nuked ANK, SMY, CON, SYR, ARM.

RUSSIA (Schultz): has f GOB, a LVN, a UKR, f SEV, and nuked BER, MUN, KIE,

one very small nuke on Beale St., San Francisco.

TURKEY (Gardner): has nothing and nuked EME, AEG, ION, ADR, WME.

Addresses of the Participants

Sandy Kenny, 23 East Coulter Avenue, Collingswood, NJ 08108-1208

Jody McCullough, 1071 Brown Avenue, Lafayette, CA 94549-3153

jodym of

Richard Weiss, Richard Weiss, 500 Beale St. # 104, San Francisco, CA 94105, (415) 512-7221

rcw23 of

Sara Reichert, 20805 Margaret, Carson, CA 90745-1224

John Schultz, #19390, W-M11L, Indiana Department of Correction,

Plainfield Correctional Facility, 727 Moon Road, Plainfield, IN 46168-9400

Heath Gardner, 3017 Mayview Road, Raleigh, NC 27607

dweezil of or bassoon of

Mike Barno, 634 Dawson Hill Road, Spencer, NY 14883

mpbarno of

Current Standings

01 02 03 04 05 06 07 TOTAL

Black Holed 15 15 30
Neutral  2  2

Total 34 15 49

Times GM Nuked  1  1  2
Greenland  1  0  1
Iceland  1  0  1
Kurt Ozog  0  1  1
Beale St., SF  0  1  1

Game Notes:

1) Richard Weiss apparently has changed his E-Mail. He may be a bit hard to find in the near future, just warning everyone.

2) People seemed to get all excited about ``nuking'' the GM, both literally and figuratively. I remind everyone that there is perpetual ``open season'' on the GM and I require you to abuse me, so I get to join in the fun, if you intend to abuse any other player. Lots of people are earning lots of abuse points in this game! I say, go for it!!


(GER-BOOB): How about a hard one next time. Russia SEV, but spin the big wheel to find out where they land - hopefully in the oil rigs in the North Sea.

(SARA-GM): I am not sure that any unit can traverse 21 black holes, if you define ``traverse'' to mean entering from an adjacent space and leaving by another space. As such, I don't think that Skaggerak can be ``traversed''. ((actually, you are quite correct...)) So Austrian Army Serbia can traverse 20 black holes: Bulgaria, Constantinople, Ankara, Armenia, Syria, Smyrna, Eastern Mediterranean, Aegean Sea, Ionian Sea, Adriatic Sea, Venice, Tyrolia, Munich, Ruhr, Holland, Helgoland Bight, Denmark, Kiel, Berlin, and Baltic Sea. Russian Fleet Gulf of Bothnia, Russian Army Livonia, and German Army Prussia can traverse the same 20 black holes in reverse order. The French Army in Burgundy can traverse the same 20 black holes with a slightly different move order: ((EXERCISE left to the reader....)) The Russian Fleet in Sevastopol can traverse 19 black holes, bypassing Bulgaria. It took me TWO 15-minute coffee breaks to work all this out. My co-workers think I'm nuts. ((Well, perhaps you ARE nuts... hyork, hyork, hyork...))

(GER-BOARD): I thought collaboration was illegal in this variant. What's all this stuff about communicating, planning, etc. John, don't you understand rules after all this time?

(BOOB to BOARD): Ignore that silly man hiding behind the alleged German curtain. He makes no sense.... then again, perhaps the problem is that he is not a he at all!!

(GER-BOARD): Who is this ``Mr. Burgess" that Schultzie referred to? The Boob is no ``Mister." Maybe that figment of Charles Jones' imagination, Dr. Boob'b brother is ``Mister Burgess." Maybe when we get to name a game, ``Clockwork Orange" we can get a Mr. Burgess to GM.

(BOOB to BOARD): Then again, perhaps when we name a game ``Go Fish'', Herr Weiss will be able to play! Let's let Herr Weiss attempt to match the luscious one's analysis above....

(GER-BOARD): OK, I am challenged by the Boobster's gauntlet toss as to how many black holes is the maximum that a unit can traverse this time. I propose that we work out both the theoretical maximum number of spaces one unit could traverse given 34 nukes, how many units could traverse such a path, and then create that in one of the upcoming games. We would each hold part of the ``World record" for playing in the game that had the most spaces on a dip board one piece moved in one turn." Now that is something that we could each be proud of. If there is a majority of takers, perhaps we can convince the others. As long as MARK LEW is not in this game, and I don't think he is, we have a chance. If my memory is correct (and see Harry Andruschak's comments last issue in Fear and Whiskey as to my memory) then every player in one game of Nuclear Yuppie agreed not to attack with nukes one turn. He, however, believed that I had created an elaborate hoax and didn't cooperate. Later, he admitted that even if he had believed me, he wouldn't have done so, because he didn't like the concept of peace. But, this is different, we get to create the ultimate trips path. Mikey, got that, ``Trips."

Further, when we agree on what the theoretical ideal is, I agree to do it on one turn when I will be the major victim of the pattern. See, further ``proof" of my genuineness (is that a word Booby?). ((It's in every dictionary I read.)) I get no SCs out of this. Nor will my unit be the one(s) to traverse the path. Y'all agree, great. Let's go!!!!!!!

(SARA-OTHER PLAYERS): I do hope we can all be nice to one another and not try to grab home SCs or SCs traditionally considered taken in 1901 in Regular Diplomacy. As such, I do hope that everyone will refrain from trying to grab Rome, Naples, or Tunis. I don't want to have to repeat what I have done to Mike Barno in 1901 and Heath Gardner in 1902. It looks unladylike and makes a bad impression. ((Humph, you're no fun!!))

(GER-HARRY ANDRUSCHAK): You sound so authoritative that I'll believe you. Yeah, you were there. So was I. It must have been the Wang-Dang-Doodle who as Russia nuked himself while leaving his units in place. But, he's still around. He could speak for himself rather than we telling his story. How about if you get a letter from him about the events, then we won't have to have Boobie start one of those really lame ``The Search for David Wang" contests. ((I hope I never lose touch with David and I probably won't. You? Well, you are almost lost right now yourself, and if you don't shape up, we may wish you don't come back!!))

(SARA-MIKE): OK, what is all this stuff about abuse of the GM? Some sort of guy thing, like the Three Stooges? As far as I can tell, the GM is a sweet man putting out a szine I can get for FREE. And he is a cat lover. I like that in a man.

(BOOB to SARA): Insulting me like that earns you ``credit points'' that you can use to abuse other players!! And you DO want to abuse other players, don't you?? You have two free zingers on anyone else in the game. ((By the way, the House Rules for the szine pretty clearly state the fact and reason for my policy. It works REALLY well in practice, believe me! Did you not get a copy of the House Rules? If not, I'll send you some. Then again, there are the husbands of players in the game.... you aren't married to one of these are you???))

(PAUL to JIM-BOOB): I was going to send in guest press for NYEED, but I just can't come up with anything witty. I haven't been very witty in a very long time. ((Nope, can't be true, say it ain't so!!!))

(WEISS GUY-OLD FART): Honor to the originator not of bombing his own units but to bombing the GM. Yes, yes, it is ``So Right" when the GM is Boobie. Boobs need radiation treatment or else they could have recurrences. Which makes me wonder, if TAP ever changed editors and pubbers to keep the szine going, would that be called a ``prophylactic mastectomy?" ((You have it all over Sara.... you have three free hits!!!))

(MCCULLOUGH-SHULTZ): Notice the secret code I'm using. Use that decoder ring I sent to you last time. The plan will be to spend half of our bombs on Weiss and the other half on Sandy - since she'll be leading everyone but you, and my gosh, I couldn't send you a secret code that described the plans to bomb you, could eye?

(AUSTROHUNGARIAN NUCLEAR ``DEFENSE" FORCES to VENETIAN MILITIA'S CHARRED CORPSES): You got what you deserved for trying to cross the Line. We have a ``Zero Defect Tolerance" policy for errors by neighboring units.

(NERD-JAMES): Quick, how many units aren't adjacent to a Black Hole and therefore can only move one space this time? What country has the most such units? ((Indeed, how nerdy.... how about something completely different??!!))

(BEIJING): A huge historical error was discovered and corrected in the hubbub over the tenth anniversary of the Tienanmen Square demonstrations. It turns out that there was a translation error. The public was expressing its desire for demographic reform, not democratic reform. Citizens were tired of unfocused mass mailings promoting Euro-denominated certificates of deposit to rice-paddy peasants and retirement homes to university student neighborhoods. Instead they wanted accurate census and survey data as a base for better-focused marketing programs.

(SARA-HEATH): Well, I did warn you in Summer 1901 not to grab any German home SCs. In Fall 1901 you did it anyway. I'm sorry I had to take such drastic steps, and I hope this will not have to be repeated in the future. And good luck on reviving your zine. However, I regret that I will not be voting for either you or Brent McKee in the 1998 Hobby Awards Ballot, as I have not read either of the articles mentioned in the Walker award for literature.

Ger-Tur: Is it something we did last time that created this situation? I used deoderant, how about you?

COME AND HAVE A GO (If You Think You're Hard Enough): 1998 V, Diplomacy


Summer 1902

AUSTRIA (Pollard): has a BOH, a SER, f GRE, a WAR, a RUM.

ENGLAND (Tallman): has f LON, f NTH, f NWG, a EDI.

FRANCE (Morris): has a BUR, f MID, a MAR, a PIC.

GERMANY (Sayers): has f HEL, a MUN, f HOL, a DEN, a BEL.

ITALY (Munson): has f TYH, f WES, a PIE, a TYO.

RUSSIA (Dwyer): has f NWY, f SWE, a UKR, a FIN.

TURKEY (Barno): has a CON, a SMY, f BLA, a SEV, a BUL.

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Kent Pollard, 1541 W. San Jose, Fresno, CA 93711 ($4)

ENGLAND: Terry Tallman, 3805 SW Lake Flora Road, Port Orchard, WA 98367, (360) 874-0386 ($5)

terryt of

FRANCE: Scott Morris, 12110 Shelbyville Rd., Louisville, KY 40243, (502) 893-8260 ($5)

Scottm221 of

GERMANY: Jim Sayers, 15 Holdsworth Street, Woollahra 2025, AUSTRALIA ($10)

100233.513 of

ITALY: Scott Munson, PO Box 1042, Gardiner, MT 59030, (406) 848-2102 ($5)

samunson71 of

RUSSIA: Luke Dwyer, 49 Middlesex Drive, Slingerlands, NY 12159, (518) 439-5796

Ldwyer of

TURKEY: Mike Barno, 634 Dawson Hill Road, Spencer, NY 14883 ($5)

mpbarno of

Game Notes:

1) Low maintenance here....


(MIKE to TERRY): ``Change of jobs", ``" - hey, did they get you to play Dino the Sinclair dinosaur? ((I loved my Dino....))

SO GOOD IT HURTS: 1998 P, Regular Diplomacy


Autumn and Winter 1902

AUSTRIA (K. Ozog): R a ser-BUD; has a VIE, f GRE, a TRI, a BUD.

ENGLAND (James): bld f lvp; has f LVP, f NWY, f IRI, f ENG, f SWE, a PIC.

FRANCE (Dwyer): has f MID, a SPA, a POR.

GERMANY (Goesle): No Build Possible, PLAYS ONE SHORT; has a MUN, a BER, f KIE, f DEN,

a BRE, a MAR.

ITALY (Rauterberg): rem f wes; has a VEN, f ION, a TYO, a ALB.

RUSSIA (Rusnak): R f swe-GOB; rem a pru; has a WAR, a STP, f GOB, f BLA, a RUM.

TURKEY (Emmert): bld a smy; has a SMY, f AEG, f CON, a SER, a BUL.

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Kurt Ozog, 391 Wilmington Drive, Bartlett, IL 60103, 630-837-2813

kozog of

ENGLAND: Drew James, 8356 Radian Path, Baldwinsville, NY 13027-9357, (315) 652-1956 ($5)

dkbn of

FRANCE: Luke Dwyer, 49 Middlesex Drive, Slingerlands, NY 12159, (518) 439-5796 ($4)

Ldwyer of

GERMANY: Warren Goesle, 3907 Cedar Ridge, #1B, Indianapolis, IN 46235 ($5)

ITALY: Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Dr., Greenfield, WI 53221, (414) 281-2339 ($5)

prosit of

RUSSIA: Russ Rusnak, 1551 Highridge Avenue, Westchester, IL 60154-3428 ($5)


TURKEY: Steve Emmert, 1752 Grey Friars Chase, Virginia Beach, VA 23456-5436, (757) 471-1842 ($5)

Lse of or semmert of

Game Notes:

1) Hmmmm....


(GOZ to BOARD): Note that I'll be on a couple of ``well-earned" vacations soon. I'm gone June 24-28 and July 2-11. Please adjust your diploming and stabs accordingly.

(VIRGINIA BEACH to BOARD): For those of you who are wondering at the footprints on the ceiling in my office, I just fell into tickets to a certain sporting event this weekend (June 19-20) in (ahem) Pinehurst, North Carolina. See you on ABC; I'm the extraordinarily ugly one. I will NOT be shouting, ``YOU DA MAN!" or wearing a ``John 3:16" shirt.

(BOOB to EMMERT AND MORRIS): What's with this ``You da man'' stuff??? Am I, or aren't I!!!??? You're also ``all wet''.

(GERMANY to FRANCE): Are you still on-line somewhere? ((His school E-Mail still works, though I don't gather he checks it as often....))

(JAMES to DWYER): Hope your finals went better than this game.

(ENGLAND to FRANCE (or is it Spain now?)): When you run away, you really run away!

(ENGLAND to THE FRENCH PEOPLE): You have been abandoned by your leadership. The road to Paris is wide open for the glorious forces of the British and German allies. Learn from the French generals - it is useless to try to resist. We promise no harm or retribution as we consider the French people to be our friends. Our only enemy was your misguided government - a government which is now hiding in Spain.

(AUSTRIA - TURKEY): Hey, if you come across a dude by the name of Milosevich, arrest him. Our local Nostradamus has predicted someone by the name of Slobodon will rise to power and wage genocidal war by the end of the century.

(OZOG - MIKE BARNO): In that case, Paul Rauterberg said he could use a few nukes right about now. I gotta remember to order that Patriot defense system. Thanks for the demo.

(ENGLAND to GERMANY): Who will march at the head of our victory parade into Paris?

(LONDON to ROME): I suggest you sack some generals. They seem to have problems giving proper orders to the troops.

(MILWAUKEE): Paul read the game results for Fall with an air of incredulity. ``NO!" he screamed, tearing at the zine in abusive fury. ``I made a mistake! My reputation, assiduously cultivated over a quarter of a century, is ruined! I'm a laughingstock. The whole hobby is watching!" A (crocodile) tear ran down his cheek. ``What do I do to regain the respect of an entire hobby audience?" And then Paul fell silent, and a familiar smirk reasserted itself in the panoply of his facial features. ``Need this be a total disaster?" he asked his audience of none. ``If everybody is going to UNDERESTIMATE my abilities, can't I make this work in my favor?" With a loud sniffle, he regained his total cool. ``I'll write a filksong on this topic one of these days..." he plotted, humming an old Bob Dylan melody.

(ENGLAND to RUSSIA): Why wouldn't you believe us? All we wanted was peace in the north so we could concentrate on the Frogs. You would still have Sweden if you had done as was suggested.

(JAMES to EMMERT): Too bad about Greece. Did you get to used to my perfect orders in Suffren? Actually, if the truth be known, I just stumbled into 18 centers.


(VENICE to BUD): You may never be aware as to how lucky you were last season.

(ROME to MOSCOW AND PARIS): We who deserve no luck get none.

(GOZ to JIM-BOB): The Yankees, Indians and Rangers are in. The Red Sox are still ``iffy". We're not halfway yet. I can still see Seattle, Toronto or even (dare I say it?) Baltimore getting their act together for a wild card. Your Giants can't compete with the riches of Los Angeles or Arizona either. Look for the Dodgers, Braves and Astros to be in. The wild card will be fought for in Arizona, Philadelphia, and New York. The last stat I saw said that 59% of the games to date had been won by the team with the higher payroll. 59% of 162 is 96 wins. That'll get you in the playoffs most seasons. Isn't it great that MLB doesn't even have to play the season anymore to know who is going to win it? Phooey. ((The Red Sox cooling off the Orioles DID make me breathe a little easier. I don't see Seattle or Toronto doing anything....))

(TURKEY to RUSSIA): War or peace; it's your choice. If it's war, I'll go in with a clean conscience, since you fired the first shot - unnecessarily, in my opinion.

(YOUNG ANAKIN to YOUNG LUKE): Go and hole up in Iberia, my son. It is your desssssstiny.



Turn 9

89 (replenish with a 9): Kenny McCormick(10, Holding His Break!)
88 (no replenishment): Empty
87 (no replenishment): Empty
86 (no replenishment): Empty
85 (no replenishment): Empty
84 (no replenishment): Empty
83 (no replenishment): Empty
82 (no replenishment): Empty
81 (no replenishment): Empty
- S - P - R - I - N - T - - F - I - N - I - S - H - - L - I - N - E -
80 (replenish with a 3): Alfred the Great
79 (no replenishment): Empty
78 (no replenishment): Empty
77 (no replenishment): Empty
76 (no replenishment): Empty
75 (no replenishment): Empty
74 (no replenishment): Empty
73 (no replenishment): Empty
72 (replenish with a 3): Peter
71 (no replenishment): Empty
70 (replenish with a 3): John Logie-Baird, Stan Marsh
69 (no replenishment): Empty
68 (no replenishment): Empty
67 (no replenishment): Empty
66 (replenish with a 3): Broke Leg Meg
65 (replenish with a 4): Curly
64 (replenish with a 5): Shemp, Larry, Chasin' Jason
63 (replenish with a 8): Flopsy
62 (no replenishment): Empty
61 (replenish with a 3): Kyle Broslofski, Shane the Chain
60 (replenish with a 5): Bernard Spoke, Christoph Wheelhub, Eric Cartman
59 (no replenishment): Empty
58 (replenish with a 3): Sir Isaac Newton, Mopsy
57 (replenish with a 5): Cottontail, Moe
56 (replenish with a 7): Alessandro Cyclotron
55 (no replenishment): Empty
54 (no replenishment): Empty
53 (replenish with a 3): Barkin' Larkin', Damon Velodrome

42 (replenish with a 3): Will Shakespeare

Addresses of the Participants - Their Team and Their Cards

TEAM 1 (Farmer McGregor's Dinner): Eric Brosius, 53 Bird Street, Needham MA 02492

(0 points) 72060.1540 of CompuServe.COM

A: Flopsy 7 8 6 10
B: Mopsy 18 3 9
C: Cottontail 5 15 7
D: Peter 4 12 3

TEAM 2 (Chef's Crackers): Rick Desper, Bergheimer Strasse 114, 69115 Heidelberg, GERMANY

(14 points) rick_desper of or desper of

Coach is, of course, Chef
A: Stan Marsh (aka the Star Quarterback) 6 7 3 9
B: Kyle Broslofski (aka the Lonely Jew) 3 12 3
C: Kenny McCormick (aka the Pov) 9 4 3
D: Eric Cartman (aka the FatAss) 12 6 5

TEAM 3 (Goz Transportation Co.): Warren Goesle, 3907 Cedar Ridge, #1B, Indianapolis, IN 46235

(8 points) gozcorp of

A: Alessandro Cyclotron 3 3 7 15
B: Bernard Spoke 5 8 4
C: Christoph Wheelhub 5 12 9
D: Damon Velodrome 3 4 3

TEAM 4 (Brit Pack): John Harrington, 1 Churchbury Close, Enfield, Middlesex, EN1 3UW UK

(4 points) johnh of

A: Alfred the Great 3 4 7 3
B: Sir Isaac Newton 18 4 3
C: Will Shakespeare 3 3 3
D: John Logie-Baird 3 11 9

TEAM 5 (The Stoogecycles): David Partridge, 15 Elmer Drive, Nashua, NH 03062-1722

(23 points) rebhuhn of

A: Curly 3 4 4
B: Larry 3 5 4
C: Moe 15 5 3
D: Shemp 3 3 5

TEAM 6 (The Flat Wheel Society): John Schultz, #19390, W-M11L, Indiana Department of Correction,

(0 points) Plainfield Correctional Facility, 727 Moon Road, Plainfield, IN 46168-9400

A: Broke Leg Meg 4 3 3
B: Shane the Chain 4 21 3
C: Barkin' Larkin' 3 4 3
D: Chasin' Jason 7 3 5

Game Notes:

1) Since I like this game and am learning how to do this and have to put my new knowledge to good use, I will start another game. I'll keep the sign-up list here so that interested parties will see it as they peruse the szine. All games will start when they have precisely six players and for the moment I will keep the game opening list always on. This game will continue to be free, like Nuclear Yuppie Evil Empire. Currently in line for the next game (to be Version 2.3) are: Luke Dwyer, David Partridge, Rick Desper, Eric Brosius, John Schultz, Warren Goesle, John Harrington all have expressed interest in this game. Plus I am interested in playing. I was going to run this one, but David has volunteered to run a game in Tinamou, so I'm going to let David start his game first, Then I'll come back and start another signup list here after that. I am claiming GM and publisher perogative to be in the game. Others from the above list that want to be in David's game, please contact David. He will notify me when that game is full. David plans to use Version 2.3 of the rules that restricts breakaways.

2) Damon and Barkin' have indeed dropped from the pack, joining Will. It isn't yet clear which of them will end up ``behind'' the other at the end. Everyone will stay on the track, but I'm going to stop listing all the spaces in between. Some other riders in the pack have VERY low sets of cards available.


(DAVE PARTRIDGE): A reminder, please let me know if you want to be in the new game. Jim had 6 players listed (and Jim makes 7). I've only heard from Jim and Goz. I'm assuming the rest of you want to play? Can someone tell me if 7 is too many? ((Seven is too many, we want to play with exactly six. Don't worry, anyone who doesn't get in your game goes back on my waiting list. Some people may WANT the chance to oppose you!!)) If so, then it's first come first serve. If not, then I'll just start next issue with all 7 of you. Does anyone like the idea of NOT publishing the starting cards? ((Not me...)) Please send me your starting cards by the next issue. Also let me know your preference on deadlines. Tinamou is every other TAP, but I'm willing to do this every TAP to keep the game moving. ((I'll go whichever way you want. With your new child and new house, you may prefer the former approach.))

(CHEF - STOOGES): I have to make an argument in favor of the ``multiple breakaway" bonus. I think it adds excitement and simulates a real race. In a real race, you cannot just sit in the pack and wait for the leader to come back to you.

(GOZ TRANSPORTATION CO., QUARTERLY REPORT to THE PARENT COMPANY, GOZ & CO., INC.): Profits up $13M last quarter, defying the experts and surprising the hell out of the CEO, who was on his way to Vegas to place a large bet on #59.

(VEGAS ODDS - TFWS): Mea culpa! We had no idea that Shane the Chain would score a 21. Well done!

(ANON - SHANE): Play the 21! ((I think he's fixin' to play it next time, but he decided to bet that someone would end up on that space ahead of him. If he'd guessed right, he would have replaced his 10.... this way, he still gets over the line, but with how many fewer points???))

(VEGAS ODDS - FARMER MAC): Looks like we may owe you an apology too. All four bunnies got at least a 10 last time!

(DAMON VELODROME to BARKIN' LARKIN'): I've got Will holding stools for us at the pub. Interested?

(PUZZLER - FIELD): How can Damon and Larkin guarantee that they never get stuck playing only 3s? Two riders working together can make sure they average at least 3 1/3 squares per turn. Got that one? Now, what about three riders working together. It looks like they can guarantee at least 3 1/2 squares per turn.

(VEGAS): Needless to say, the idiot who gave Kyle 2:1 odds and 6:1 odds to Shane, 8:1 to Mopsy, and 9:1 to Christoph Wheelhub is no longer working for the company. Flowers may be sent to the Shady Rest Funeral Home.

We are happy to note that the ``who gets dropped next" board scored a 00 - Larkin and Velodrome, by getting dropped simultaneously, allowed the House to win all bets. We've now got a team of crack mathematicians working on the problem of how they can most efficiently increase their lead over Shakespeare, and perhaps catch the next rider to be dropped.

Next sprint finishes are off the board, for obvious reasons.

(HELP WANTED): 4 riders and team manager for a bicycle team in Dave Partridge's game. Experience preferred. Must be able to demonstrate speed, endurance, and a head for business. Send resumes and trophy pictures to Goz Transportation Co. home office, which is moving so that the current team can't find it.


Mortician 1: Oh, here's that poor McCormick kid.

Mortician 2: Poor thing. Well, time to get started on the embalming.

(they set up the apparatus)

M1: Well, we've got to wait for the embalming fluid to fill.

M2: Hmm...I'll go get some steak sandwiches for while we wait.

M1: Good! We can use this Worcestershire sauce! (He puts the bottle down next to the embalming fluid.)

M2: Could you grab us some drinks at the 7-11?

M1: Sure thing. (They both leave. As the door shuts, the wind topples the bottle of Worcestershire sauce. The sauce starts mixing with the embalming fluid. Yes, we know what happens next! Kenny's eyes flicker open - the Undead awake!)

(SEGUE SAM - FIELD): Speaking of the undead, just saw the film ``The Mummy", or, more accurately, ``Die Mumie." Amusing little film.

FEAR AND WHISKEY: 1998Ers31, Modern Diplomacy



Spring 1999

BRITAIN (Schultz): f lon-ENG, f nwg-BRN, a lap-SWE, f nor-LAP, a auv-BOR,

f swe-GOB, f por-SAO, f bor-BIS, f MAO S f por-sao.

EGYPT (J. O'Donnell): a ale-ESA, f lib-TUN, a MAC-alb, a ANA S TURKISH a ank, f alg-MOR,

a geo S TURKISH a ank (d r:arm,otb), f EME-ion.

GERMANY (Rauterberg): f ber-BHM, a mun-SWI, a fra-MUN, a ham-DEN, a pru-LIT, a sil-CZE,

a WAR-bie, a KRA S a slo-pod, a LYO-mar, a mar-PIE, f GDA S a pru-lit, a PAR-auv,

f BAL C a pru-lit, a slo-POD.

ITALY (Ozog): a NAP-gre, a ven-CRO, f tys-WME, a AUS h, f ION C a nap-gre, a MON-mar,

f lig-GOL, a SER-mac, f ALB S a nap-gre.

POLAND (Sasseville): a BIE-pod, a lit-bie (d r:lat,otb).


a FIN h.

SPAIN (S. O'Donnell): a gib-SVE, a nav-POR, f sao S a nav-por (d r:gib,sog,otb),

a BAR-auv, a MAD S a nav-por.

TURKEY (Pollard): a kaz-SIB, a ANK S EGYPTIAN a geo, a IST S a gre, a AZE S EGYPTIAN a geo,

f AEG S a gre, a GRE S EGYPTIAN a mac-bul (nso).

UKRAINE (Partridge): f EBS S a cau-geo, a ROS S a cau-geo, a KIE S POLISH a lit-bie, f WBS-ank,

a cau-GEO, a RUM S a bul, a BUL S ITALIAN a nap-gre.

Addresses of the Participants

BRITAIN: John Schultz, #19390, W-M11L, Indiana Department of Correction,

Plainfield Correctional Facility, 727 Moon Road, Plainfield, IN 46168-9400

EGYPT: Jeff O'Donnell, 402 Middle Ave., Elyria, OH 44035-5728, (440) 322-2920 ($4)

FRANCE: Harry Andruschak, PO Box 5309, Torrance, CA 90510-5309, (310) 835-9202 ($5)

GERMANY: Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Dr., Greenfield, WI 53221, (414) 281-2339 (E-Mail)

prosit of

ITALY: Eric Ozog, PO Box 1138, Granite Falls, WA 98252-1138, (360) 691-4264 ($4)

ElfEric of

POLAND: Roland Sasseville, Jr., 38 Bucklin Street, Pawtucket, RI 02861, (401) 722-4029 ($5)

roland6 of

RUSSIA: Rich Goranson, 4351 Chestnut Ridge Road, #7 Amherst, NY, 14228-3227, (716) 691-3641 ($2)

ForlornH of

RUSSIA: Standby is Randy Ellis, 1041 Kentucky #2, Lawrence, KS 66044

Randy1964 of

SPAIN: Sean O'Donnell, 126 S. Park, Oberlin, OH 44074, (440) 774-2928 ($5)

TURKEY: Kent Pollard, 1541 W. San Jose, Fresno, CA 93711, (209) 225-0957 ($10)

UKRAINE: Dave Partridge, 15 Elmer Drive, Nashua, NH 03062-1722, (603) 882-3523 ($8)

rebhuhn of

Game Notes:

1) Check out the Modern Dip web page at: Cyberia/modern.htm

2) Rich got his address change, but not his orders to me. I'm forced to call a standby. The roulette wheel goes round (actually a six sided die - which came up fives...) and stops on none other than Randy Ellis. Rich needs to put fall orders on file by the summer deadline, or Randy will replace him with that season.


(THE MEKONS QUOTE OF THE MONTH): ``This is how it should be.'' From ``Mirror'' on Me.

(DAVE to JEFF): Do you always go around wacking bee's nests with sticks? (<:

(FRANCE-GERMANY): One notes that, in the best tradition of Diplomacy, you managed to obtain more SCs from the three power attack on France than Britain and Italy COMBINED. When this game is over, and the endgame statements are due, one hopes you will inform us as to how you managed to sucker John Schultz and Eric Ozog into this arrangement.

(BERLIN): Just some genteel swaps this time; Bel for Auv, Mar for Hun, and Poland for retirement. Seems like a fair time for all.

(P-WORLD): Those Germans are committing war crimes. All the world should begin a campaign against aggression now. Bombing alone will not do it in this one, or if it does it will take to long. We are dying here. Will someone throw me a frickin bone here people? I demand one million dollars to not destroy the world. (my little finger is at my mouth as I type this)

(BOOB to POLAND): Some view Austin Powers as evidence of the hopeless degeneration of American society and values.....

(GEORGES CLEMENCEAU, FORMER FRENCH PREMIER to WORLD): America is the only nation in history which miraculously has gone directly from barbarism to degeneration without the usual interval of civilization.

(BOOB to POLAND): Others, though, are more flexible and pliant....

(IGNORAMUS OF UKRAINE - KENT OF CORNWALL): King Leer. I read him. Him and Lady McBed were really hot in Shakespeare Does Cornwall. That scene on the bed (the one with the golden arches holding up the canopy) where she cries ``Out, out damn spot" and calls in the maid to change the sheets and the maid joins them ....

(JOHN BOY-BOOB): Wow! Cornwall really let you have it via King Lear. Inspires me to look for something even more insulting. Maybe next time!

(BOOB to POLAND): Yet others are too busy plotting your annihilation to care....

(GREATER GERMAN REICH to UKRAINE): Let's see. Cau cuts Azr, Wbs cuts Ank, Ebs supports Bos-Geo. Should do the trick. All you have to worry about is a Turkish Army in Vol....

(ITALIA to THE SAD CLOWNS (ET)): I got sick of waiting for you guys to DO anything!

(JEFF to JIM): What's the sense in exterminating France if we still have to put up with Harry's press? ((Hmmm, perhaps they would like a ``do-over''?))

(ANDRUSCHAK-TAP): Time for another alcoholism joke, I think. Well, this guy came home in the wee hours of the morning, to be greeted at the door by his wife. ``So what is your excuse for being late THIS time?''

``I had (hic) car trouble.''

``What kind of car trouble?''

``Water in the carburetor!''

``That's a good one - it hasn't rained in weeks. So where is the car now?''

``In the swimming pool.''

(JEFF to HARRY): Just kidding!

(GREATER REICH to ROME): Try a triple flip on us, and we'll fry you like flapjacks.

(ITA-WORLD): I'm taking pointers from der Fuhrer on the two front war thing.

(MUNICH to KIEV): Your alliance with Italy may not be the boon for us that we envisioned, nor may it be much help to you! Give some thought to scarfing up a few Eye-tal dots for yourself, and it won't be a total loss....

(ITA-TUR): It takes more than coffee and cigars to satisfy my appetite - I must have dots!

(MUNICH to ROME): Suddenly, the idea of U/I/E crops up: is Spain included too, to create a S/U/I/E (suey) alliance? We would be obliged to chop that up, in defense of our southern frontier....

(FRANKONIA to CAIRO): So, the plan is do a quick number on Turkey along with U/I? Geez, don't you think that you'd be better off doing the deed yourself?

(REICH to SPAIN): Stand and wait. Watch and wonder.

(THE GREATER REICH to WORLD): Now that we have secured our ``elbow room", we will be looking for places to ``kick up our heels".

(POTS AND KETTLES DEPARTMENT): Since this is not an election year, and since he cannot run for President again anyhow, Clinton is attacking Hollywood, saying that Hollywood much be held accountable. Washington, DC, holding Hollywood accountable? Sort of like Sodom checking up on Gomorrah.

(BOOB SPUTTERS): Lebensraum indeed!!

(PODOLIA): The citizenry here rejoice to be freed from Polish oppression, and are now requesting German protection from the pall of Ukrainian smog hovering over the province. The Reichsministry for Environmental Affairs promise to issue a statement telling the Ukraine to ``get the lead out" in removing their noxious tanks from the Pod's borders.

(U-P or UP HIS): Gonna take more than luck now. Start booby-trapping those houses.

(WEBSTERS): Booby trap (v.) To scatter numerous clones of an aging, greying yet still playing diplomacy player throughout a territory about to be overrun. These insidious beings will infect the player running the conquering country, causing his units to wander around the board in strange and apparently random patterns while spouting voluminous, if not particularly coherent, press. The rumor persists that there is actually a method behind the unit movements, but so far not even chaos theory has been able to uncover it.

(THE CEMETARIES OF THE GREATER GERMAN REICH): There are rumors of a pesty poltergeist, calling itself Monsieur Henri, haunting the graveyards that the Reich inherited from the Country that was Formerly France. Not surprisingly, it is said to be bending the ears of leaders in the Southern Confluence (if such an entity exists!) urging all to wage war against the expanded German Empire.

The spook is obviously pulling a little joke, since no nations of the Southern Cross-eyes have common borders with us (yet). It sets great urgency to the cause of stopping The Greater Reich from winning the war, causing no little panic amongst the little people of the southern periphery (and great hilarity throughout the Ranks of the Mittle-europan adherents).

Who is it that will rise to defeat us? The Polish dead, still wandering back and forth.... The Turkish dead, standing stock still awaiting the Egyptian long knives.... The Spanish dead, dreaming on an invincible armada while lacking the shipyards in which to build it.... The Russian dead, floating face down in the waters of the Baltic and claiming that they ``occupy" it....

``Boo", they say. ``Boo-hoo" they cry.

(JEFF to JEAN): Run that past me again, only speak in English this time.

(GREATER GERMAN REICH to ITALY): We have been calling you our ``strong arm in the South." Well, as it says in the Bible, ``if thy arm doth spite thee, cut it off."

(JEFF to PAUL): Two parents in a stable home. Isn't that concept preached in the Bible?

(RICK THE OBSERVER to PAUL): Thanks for standing up for keeping religion out of schools. My secular high school was much better than most religious high schools. I actually don't care if people learn about religion in school, as long as it's not an indoctrination.

But please, I'm sick of the ``two-parent home" bandwagon. It sounds like you had two good parents. Great for you. But I come from a generation where a lot of kids grew up in single-parent homes. For many kids, they don't have a choice of living in a home with two great parents. Their family lives more closely resemble ``Sling Blade" than ``Ozzie and Harriet." Yes, parents should pay attention to and care for their children, and that means not only mothers but fathers too. But participating in the conception of a child does not magically transform a miserable wretch of a person into a model adult.

(SPAIN): Sorry for the content and the one over cops is from rumors when I lived in Cleveland about four to five years ago.

(DESPER - ANDRUSCHAK): I think most people who support bringing religion into schools would quickly develop a different opinion if they moved to a neighborhood where the majority religion was other than their own. I had the advantage of living in a largely Jewish neighborhood for much of my childhood. I somehow doubt that the religious right envisions the possibility of having the Torah read aloud during class every day.

(JOHN-HARRY): I agree with you. Kids, some kids, have always been mean and bullying. The only difference between then and now is ready access to firearms and an indefinable lack of fear of punishment. And don't anyone give me the no-one is punished any more argument. If you'd bother to look, they're actually more severe now then ever. Hey, you barely missed the embassy bombing reaction, eh? Whew!

(JEFF to HARRY): ... I'm watching a show on A&E called Biography. They are describing Lyndon Johnson's meeting with the Joint Chiefs, discussing our entry into the Vietnam War. The Joint Chiefs recommended 1 million men, with a full commitment and the war could be won in 2 years. Johnson decides to make the commitment and then he sends over 150,000 guys. It was this decision that got us into the prolonged stalemate that became the Vietnam War. Blaming Eisenhower or Nixon without even mentioning Johnson is in my opinion intellectually reckless.

(GLOBE TROTTING ANDRUSCHAK-TV WATCHERS): Anyone who decides to tour China must be willing to accept the ``F'' word. Flexibility. China is still a newcomer to the tourist business and lots of things can go wrong.

That was the case for my tour. The ship we were supposed to use for the 3 day cruise on the Yangtze River, the M/V Yangtze prince, had some sort of change in schedule, so the tour was re-booked on the M/V Yellow Crane, sailing three days earlier. This meant that we stayed only 3 nights in Beijing instead of 4, 1 night in Xi'an instead of 2, and did not overnight at all in Chonquing. After the cruise, we had 1 night in Wuhan. And we now had 4 nights in Shanghai instead of 1. After that it was 1 night in Guangzhou and 4 nights in Hong Kong. Except when we got to Chongquing, the boat was not there. It seems the Yangtze River had very low water and the Yellow Crane was waiting for us downstream. So we did overnight in Chongquing and next morning rode a hydrofoil to the ship. So we had only two nights on the ship instead of three, but we still saw the entire Three Gorges Region which was, after all, the primary purpose of the river cruise.

We had another change in schedule when we arrived in Hong Kong. Original plans had called for an excursion to Macao. These plans had to be cancelled when a typhoon headed directly for Hong Kong, causing the long distance ferries to be shut down. Side note: Hong Kong does post typhoon warnings, starting with a Stage 1 alert. Stage 2 is when the typhoon gets closer, and Stage 3 is when the shut down the long distance ferries. Stage 8 is when they shut down ALL ferries. And no, there are no Stages 4-7. Don't ask me why, I don't know. This particular typhoon became Stage 8 when it changed course and was headed directly for Hong Kong. After a couple of hours, it just fizzled out and went back to Stage 3. Then it veered off and things were normal again.

Fans of the Doctor Demento Show will be happy to know that you can still hear the firing of the midday gun in Hong Kong, an event immortalized in Noel Coward's song ``Mad Dogs and Englishmen". But nowadays EVERYONE goes out into the midday sun in Hong Kong.

In addition to the ``F'' word'', you also need to remember the ``P'' word, patience. This is especially true when you are on your tour bus and the driver is trying to get you to the destination in one piece. The traffic in most Chinese cities is ghastly, as cars take over from the traditional bicycles. New roads and expressways are being built, but there is never enough and never will be enough.

In point of fact, our tour group went from city to city by airlines. China lacks good roads between many cities, and the railroads are uncomfortable, unreliable, and slow. We went on the railroads just once, the short ride from Guangzhou to Hong Kong. But in the cities we had to use the bus to get to and from the hotel, and that included a lot of time in traffic jams.

(JEFF to HARRY II): Enlighten me. Tell me how the Soviet Union invasion of Hungary was Ike's fault.

(JEFF to HARRY III): Ike and Nixon do have one thing in common. They both ended wars started by Democrats.

SHOW ME THE MONEY: 1997Mea04, Colonial Diplomacy


Summer 1906

BRITAIN (York): R a ass-TIB, f per-PG; has a LUC, f ARA.S, a KAG, a KAR, f RS, f HK, f SIN, a TIB,

f PG, f BOB, a KAM, f NAN, f MAL.

FRANCE (Sasseville): R f scs-TON; has f ANN, a YUN, f GOS, f BAN(EC), f TON, a CAN,

a RAN, a BEN, a ASS, f FOR.

HOLLAND (Desper): has f CS, f AS, f SCS, f JS, f MP, a SUM, f SUN.S, f LS.

JAPAN (Dwyer): has a KYO, a MAC, a VLA, f ECS, f SHA, a P.ART, f UP, f YS, f SOJ, a SEO.

RUSSIA (Williams): has a IRK, a TAS, a AFG, a MON, a PER, f MED, a BAG, a LAN, a SHI,

a PEK, a SIK, a CHU, f SYR.

TURKEY (Tallman): has a ADEN, f SUD.

Addresses of the Participants

BRITAIN: Andy York, PO Box 201117, Austin, TX 78720-1117

wandrew of

CHINA: Rich Goranson, 4351 Chestnut Ridge Road, #7 Amherst, NY, 14228-3227 ($5)

ForlornH of

FRANCE: Roland Sasseville, Jr., 38 Bucklin Street, Pawtucket, RI 02861, (401) 722-4029 ($8)

roland6 of

HOLLAND: Rick Desper, Bergheimer Strasse 114, 69115 Heidelberg, GERMANY (E-Mail)

rick_desper of or desper of

JAPAN: Luke Dwyer, 49 Middlesex Drive, Slingerlands, NY 12159, (518) 439-5796 ($3)

Ldwyer of

RUSSIA: Don Williams, 27505 Artine Drive, Saugus, CA 91350, (661) 297-3947 ($5)

wllmsfmly of

TURKEY: Terry Tallman, 3805 SW Lake Flora Road, Port Orchard, WA 98367, (360) 874-0386 ($0)

ttallman of

GM: Jim-Bob Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327, (401) 351-0287

Game Notes:

1) The BFJHR draw is rejected again and reproposed yet again. Please vote with your Fall orders.


(F-H&B): Nee! Nee! Your fathers were hamsters and your mothers smelled of elderberries.

(F-WORLD): Why do people say bad things about Rick and Andy? Answer from one of our nations most interesting historical figures. ``In the inebriation of pleasure, it is essential to utter powerful or dirty words...One must adorn these words with the greatest possible luxury of expression; they must scandalize as forcefully as possible; for it is so sweet to scandalize" The Marquis de Sade

COLUMBUS CHILL: 1993 J, Regular Diplomacy


Fall 1922

AUSTRIA (Davis): a vie-BUD.

FRANCE (Zarr): f spa(nc) h (d ann), a POR h.

GERMANY (Jones): a MUN S a tyo (otm), a sil-GAL, f pic-BRE, f bre-MID, f mid-SPA(SC),

f ENG S f bre-mid, a BUR S a mar, a gal-VIE, a MOS-sev, a BOH S a gal-vie, a TYO-tri,

a MAR S f mid-spa(sc), a GAS S f mid-spa(sc), a UKR S a sil-gal, f IRI S f bre-mid, f NAO S f bre-mid.

TURKEY (Weiss): a BUL S a rum, f TUS-pie, f BLA S a sev, a RUM S AUSTRIAN a vie-bud,

a VEN-tyo, a TRI S AUSTRIAN a vie-bud, a SER S AUSTRIAN a vie-bud, f GOL S f pie-mar,

a SEV S a rum, f WES-mid, f NAF S f wes-mid, f PIE-mar, f ADR-ven.

Supply Center Chart

AUSTRIA (Davis): bud (survives)
FRANCE (Zarr): por (survives)
GERMANY (Jones): mun,kie,ber,den,hol,bel,swe,nwy, (wins)
TURKEY (Weiss): ank,con,smy,bul,rum,sev,gre, (survives)
Neutral: none (Total=34)

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Rick Davis, 1130 Hevrin Cr., Soledad, CA. 93960, (831) 678-2132 days, (831) 678-4470 eve.

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FRANCE: Harold Zarr, 215 Glen Drive, Iowa Falls, IA 50126-1957, (515) 648-2821

GERMANY: Charles Jones, 1722 Quail Circle, Corona, CA 91720-4155, (909) 735-8981

RUSSIA: Eric Schlegel, 314 Fords Lane, Aberdeen, MD 21001, (410) 272-3314

TURKEY: Richard Weiss, 500 Beale St. # 104, San Francisco, CA 94105, (415) 512-7221

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GM: Jim-Bob Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327, (401) 351-0287

Game Notes:

1) All proposals fail - not that it matters! Congratulations to Charles Jones for sticking it out. He WINS!! Richard Weiss failed to offer the unwanted support to Harold Zarr in Spain to oppose the attack by Charles. Thus, Spain falls!!! Then, Germany does the unstoppable attack on Vienna. But Rick Davis survives by moving back to Budapest!!!!

2) I'll give you all a bit of time to compose End Game statements. I will put in the game summary in an upcoming issue. Somewhere, I have the original records for this game and will hunt for them. I must admit to rooting for the game to continue, but it does reach the appropriate natural end, with a win. Thanks to EVERYONE for playing this game out with verve and perseverance!


(FRANCE-GERMANY): It's about time we beat Turkey. Why'd you change your orders there at the end?

(AUSTRIA-TURKEY): Longest one dot survival in the History of the Hall of Fame. Yabba-dabba doo!

(MIKE BARNO - HOF BOARD): Look the other way, here comes a solo winner riding on the back of a slimey toady.

(GERMANY-TURK-THE-JERK): Too bad you made so many stupid moves. You deserve the sh.t you are eating now. You and your BUD budman. Silly little cape.

(ERIC SCHLEGEL-JIMBOB): Would you please remove my name from the list now!!!??? Why keep pointing out that I couldn't even outlast Weiss! ((Almost.... you have to write an endgame statement now, or I'll NEVER let you go!!!))

(BROTHER OF JAMES): I don't exist and either does 666 Smith St or Mike Barno.

(AUSTRIA-GERMANY): Half hearted laugh, weak congratulations.

(BLACK HOLE - BLACK PRESS): Whee, this has been fun. Come on over.

(GERMANY >> >> > JIM-BOB): I think that this game should count as the longest running game in The Abyssinian Prince. The moves up till 1908 should count as being made here since the game is here now. ((Humph, wonder what Melinda would think of that!! No way....))

(FRA-TUR): Thank you for your kind comments, but I do not deserve them. My play in this game was quite poor by my standards, and I did not deserve to win this game. Germany, on the other hand, played well and was a loyal and faithful ally. When it became obvious to me that no one could win the game the way it was going, and that you would apparently drag it out forever, the only option I saw that any validity was to throw my centers to Germany. I have never dropped out of a game, and I never will. It is unfair to all of the other players on the board, and it represents ``poor play'' in my opinion. ((Well, then perhaps your play wasn't quite as poor as you thought. I do salute all of you for sticking this out. I can now say that although we did come close to draws occasionally, at least one person always saw it differently from the rest!)) You played well, but your press turned me against you, and I would never have worked with you under any circumstances. Congratulations to Charles on a well-deserved win.

Personal Note to You:

File translated from TEX by TTH, version 1.66.