June 4, 1999

Produced by Jim Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327 USA, (401)351-0287

Accessible through Internet at burgess of; FAX to (401) 277-9904

``In my past she'd always been selfish... this was an independent girl;

It's not in her nature to kiss, it's not her nature to even think about a song like this;

Something comes when they're together, turns her into silly, laughing, drooling, crying little girl.

She says, come on, grow old with me, they say the best is yet to be...

I ask you to hold my hand, you put your arm around me, you help me understand;

Dependence is new to me, completeness I want her to see;

Something comes inside of me, now I've never never felt so free;

I tell you once, I tell you again, I love you more than I can comprehend.

This was an independent girl, I was an independent < strum > .''

From ``Something Comes'' by Erin McKeown - see the best of 1999 list below for more...


We got all the subszines, a massive issue from me, and well, I don't know how many pages it is going to be when I finally get it all done as I type this, but it is going to be big, really big. Speaking of big, I'm off to Holland for a week, unfortunately for little pleasure and lots of business - probably not unlike Pete's experience described below in many ways! Enough!! Read on and don't say I didn't warn you!!!

The postal sub price is a flat $1.00 per issue in the US and Canada, a bargain at twice the price.... but you can double that for other foreign subbers (or $2.00 per issue sent airmail). Players in current games and standbys will continue to get the issues for free, and future game starts (except for Nuclear Yuppie Evil Empire Diplomacy, which is free) cost $20.00 ($15.00 for a life of the game subscription and $5 for the NMR Insurance). Note the price increases for games, with the rates for subbing to the szine holding fixed for the moment. I'm not going to start any more new games (other than the Star Trek game) until some games end.

Check out the connections in the Diplomatic Pouch with all of the information you need to play Diplomacy on the Internet at:

Through Stephen Agar's (who for the time being is still in charge here, though he's folded his szine) Postal portion of the Pouch:

the szine resides in html format. Presently, issues from #190 to the current issue are there, and I will be updating the back issues gradually in the near future.

The most recent issue also can be accessed through David Wang's and Pete Sullivan's web pages:

1) David has grabbed and reserved the HIGHLY prized name:!! His ``version'' of this szine is somewhat more html.friendly than the one I created, so please check it out. David Wang's site also allows you to follow John Caruso's postal baseball league that I am in.

2) Pete Sullivan is back!!! For the latest information and the most recent issue of Pete's subszine check out:

Sign up for one of Pete's Railway Rivals games. And we've got yet another short OG in for this issue. Seems amazing that there have been 36 of these already!! Another subszine also is rumoured to be under development.....

By electronic mail, through the Internet, subs are free and can be obtained automatically by sending the message: subscribe tap

to majordomo of and messages can be sent to the entire electronic mailing list by mailing them to tap of which will forward your message to all of the people currently on the list. The message:

unsubscribe tap

sent to majordomo of gets you off the list. Please make careful note of that as well since you generally can get yourself off the list a lot easier than I can, and NOBODY likes to see unsubscribe messages sent to the entire list. A big, big thank you for David Kovar for setting this all up!!


Bernie, under this name, was most famous for producing one of the hobby's great breeding grounds, Le Front de Liberation du Diplomacy. I would not be here today if it weren't for Bernie and many others can say the same, including (but not limited to) Bob Olsen, Eric Ozog, Terry Tallman, and Dan Stafford. Bernie was one of the hobby's great personalities of the 1970's. He was so controversial playing under his real name of Bernard (Buddy) Tretick that he was practically forced to drop out and reinvent himself. Among the real hobby old guard (around here represented by John Boardman [who comments on this in the last Graustark], Rod Walker, and Conrad von Metzke), he was never forgiven for his earlier sins and trying to duck them by taking on a false identity. Then, in his szine, you were confronted by his sons (e.g. James Alan [really Jim Tretick] who is the one I saw most recently appearing in hobby circles) playing in his games and occasional GM trickery when Bernie would change moves or berate a player for doing things he did not approve of. As a player, Bernie's refusal to lie and insistence on proposing complex long term alliances got him knocked out of virtually all of his games first. Still, he was lovable, good ol' Uncle Bernie! I'd like to have him back, real badly. Someone please find him. I think he'd be fascinated that I bothered to look for him, even if the likes of Boardman and Walker might grumble. Go to it, only one more issue at the higher prize level!!

This is a regular continuing feature of the szine and I will be introducing a new ``search for'' every five issues. Moreover, you can win a $25 prize for finding some previous target who went unfound in the original $50 period. That means that if Kevin Tighe or Garret Schenck or Jerry Lucas or Al Pearson is ``found'' from now on it is worth $25. Plus, Steve Emmert will throw in another ten spot for Garret Schenck if you can get Garret to write to him. Go for these guys again. Perhaps some of them now can be located via the Internet where they weren't when you looked before.

Winners will receive credit for Dip hobby activities that I will pay out as requested by the winner. Subscribe to szines here or abroad, run your own contests, publish a szine, finance a web page, or whatever. Spend it all right away or use me as a bank to cover hobby activities for years. What must you do to win? Get me a letter to the editor for TAP from the person we're searching for. This is very important, just finding them doesn't do it. They have to write me a letter. The final judge as to the winner of any contest will be the target himself and I reserve the right to investigate the winning entry. When you find someone I'm looking for, you should ask him to send me a letter for print that includes a verification of who ``found'' him.


The British representative is the editor of Mission From God, John Harrington. John may be contacted at 1 Churchbury Close, Enfield, Middlesex EN1 3UW, UK (johnh of or JHarrington of John Cain has noted that the Australian part of this service has been dormant for so long that it is not worth maintaining, and actually almost the same is true for the European continental representative, so I am discontinuing those two pieces of the Exchange. Thanks to John Cain and Jef Bryant for their years of service to the hobby!!! For people working with John Harrington or me, please include the full name and address of the foreign publisher with your order, if possible, as well as the szine title. Make your check in US dollars out to me personally or in GBP to John if you're doing things from that end. I will conduct business for Canadians as well, if I can, but prefer to deal in US dollars with them if possible, or Canadian dollars cash. To subscribe to American szines, the system works in reverse.

DIPDOM NEWS SECTION (with letters)

Obscure and not-so-obscure ramblings on the state of the hobby and its publications, custodians, events, and individuals with no guarantee of relevance from the fertile keyboard of Jim-Bob, the E-Mail Dip world, and the rest of the postal hobby. My comments are in italics and ((double quotation marks)) like this. Bold face is used to set off each individual speaker. I should also make a note that I do edit for syntax and spelling on occasion.

A VERY light discussion is taking place that will address what stance we (the hobby) should take (proactive in some way for sure) toward Hasbro, the new owners of the rights to Diplomacy. More on this will be forthcoming, but it looks like Hasbro might have its version of Diplomacy on the market for the Christmas season and they actually will be employing ``play-testers''. No word on precisely what this means yet, could it mean that they will offer a series of ``official'' variants? Stay tuned.... If you want to be part of the discussion, send the MESSAGE:

subscribe hasbro

to majordomo of, it works just like the tap mailing list described below. Sending messages to hasbro of sends the mail to the whole list. The big news this time is the beginning of the breakout of Hasbro into official contact with the hobby. See the two messages below.

The game Diplomacy is a copyrighted product owned by Hasbro and all reproductions or other use of that material in this szine is intended to be personal use and not infringe on those rights in any way. All reproductions are done at a heavy financial loss to the editor and thus are without the remotest possibility of commercial intent, except to promote THE game, the Game of Diplomacy, which you all should purchase from Hasbro or other duly licensed distributors.

Todd Hurley (Tue, 25 May 1999 10:13:29 -0500)

Hello All,

I have been lurking here for quite some time and this is the first time I am allowed to speak up.

I am Todd Hurley from Meyer/Glass Interactive (Chicago) and I am working on Hasbro/ Avalon Hill/ Microprose's Diplomacy. The team has been working on this title for over a Year and we expect to ship in time for Christmas (just), meaning in stores by Thanksgiving.

If you missed it Diplomacy was shown on the floor at E3 last week to a very pleased crowd.

Here is a link to one article on the game with a screenshot: = /articles/019/147/diplomacy_e3.html

I will try to answer any questions posted in this forum, but, I am not an employee of Hasbro and I do not speak for them (insert standard disclaimer here).

Let's start out with some basic information...


We have approached the game as a Multi-Player game first, and a single player game second. The AIs are good, but as many have pointed out, cannot be as good as a human player. It's just not as satisfing to stab an AI player as your good buddy. Firaxis is NOT involved as reported eariler in the ng. ((

Judges, PBEM and Network Play (oh my!)

The Judges will NOT be shut down as far as I know.

We are commited to providing a PBEM solution for our customers and we are currently exploring accepting Judge input and output. Network play is carried out through IPX and TCP and the MSN Game Zone (


We have the Europe 1901 ``classic" map only, other maps may or may not be forthcoming, I don't know anything about this. We have spend a great deal of time on map art for the classic game. There are a number of different treatments for the classic map.

Todd Hurley, Meyer/Glass Interactive, thurley of

Bill Levay (3 Jun 1999 23:16:08 GMT)

Hello all,

My name is Bill Levay, and I'm the producer for Hasbro's computer Diplomacy game. Some of you know me personally, and some of you know me as ``the last Avalon Hill employee." I've also been lurking here, paying attention to what's been going on. It was tough not being able to respond to some of the comments, musings, ``predictions", etc. BTW, this is my private e-mail address. I'll respond from it, but I'd prefer if you wrote to me at my office address, which is ahgames of (I got to snag it first.)

Some have seen the comment about ``finally being able to speak", and have taken it in negative light. You shouldn't. The main reason for keeping quiet, was to make sure that we didn't start to get everyone excited about the game until we were sure we were going to meet our release date. I've talked to some of you off-line, and you have been very supportive and helpful. As it is, the game was rescheduled from a Gold date of 8/25 to 10/25, to include additional functionality in the game that you guys requested, wished for, etc. Some of you know me from my days working at Avalon Hill, and you know that I tell it like it is. I'll be happy to answer letters, but you MUST understand that I have a number of projects going, and I can answer letters only during my spare time.

I did take down Hace's name (I can be the hall monitor, can't I?), but just to make sure, I'd like to talk to more people. I need to provide the developer help in making sure that the PbEM game will support judge input and output. Yeah, I remember reading all the sea-lawyers going on and on about how we were going to shut down the judges... like I said, I'm sorry, but I wish I could have responded. But, all's well that ends well. I have said this many times... As an Avalon Hill gamer since 1968, as well as an Avalon Hill employee (who never would have dreamed back in 1968, that he would be the one to turn out the lights for the last time at AH) I can tell you that Hasbro is the best thing that ever happened to Avalon Hill games. And I mean that regardless of being a Hasbro guy or not. Speaking for the Interactive side, I can tell you that we take the games very seriously, and we have a lot of high hopes and plans to make a lot of people very happy. Hasbro, unlike the original Avalon Hill, does not take it's customers for granted, and understands the love that we have for these games. 'Nuff said.

Now, about the subject line. Our marketing dept. wants to have two focus groups look at the game. The first is to be made up of gamers who have not heard of, or played Diplomacy. The second group, per my request, is to be made up of YOU. Well, the YOU that live in the Boston area, since we need to interview you in person. So, seven of you lucky guys will get the chance to see the game (although it isn't finished yet, you should be able to play it completely as multi-player.) This is not the same thing as beta testing, which will come later when it *is* more nearly complete. Here's the ad that the focus group agency want me to place. I heartily apologise for the crass offer of money and pizza, since I know that your motives are much loftier. Oh yeah, if and when you play the game solo, I don't want to hear any whining about the computer opponents, because they're not finished yet!!!!!!!!!!!! Got it? ;)

Thanks, Bill Levay, yobeowulf of or ahgames of

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

PLAY DIPLOMACY THE COMPUTER GAME, EAT PIZZA, MAKE $50 - in BOSTON! We're looking for avid Diplomacy players in the Boston area, to play the new CD-ROM Diplomacy game single-player at home on your PC as well as play multiplayer on-line, then come in for a group discussion (June 28th, 8-10 p.m., in Waltham, Mass.) with seven players to tell us your thoughts. We need males 18-49. Your computer must have a Pentium 166 processor, 32 MB of Ram, 8X speed CD drive, video card with two megabytes of RAM, Windows 95 or 98. You get $50 and pizza at the group. Interested? E-mail to Adrienne of with your phone number and a good time to reach you, and we'll call.

Hugh Bowen and Associates tests computer games for many of the major game publishers (see:

for our web promotion site for game companies). Hope to see you soon.

((Since I don't play computer games, I only have a 4X CD drive and I don't think I have a video card at all, so I can't participate, even though I only work a couple of miles from their focus group site. Here's a follow up question from Danny Collman and Bill's response:))

Bill Levay (04 Jun 1999 17:34:28 GMT)

Responding to: I'm probably the thousandth person to respond to this, though maybe only the tenth Brit, but I really would like to know what Hasbro is doing about the *Non-Computer* version of the game. Is there going to continue to be such a thing? Is there going to continue to be such a thing in Britain? The British Amateur Postal Hobby would rather like to know. - Danny Collman, Birmingham, UK

Unfortunately I can't speak for the Hasbro Games Group (Parker Bros. and Milton Bradley) but have left a message with their brand manager about Britain. I don't know how Gibsons enters into it. I would assume (note: a guess) that they either keep selling their version or they don't and a Hasbro version shows up there. As I said, I will try to get a definite answer.

As far as what the boardgame version will look like, people at Origins and Gencon should be able to see it live, plus when I go to Doncon (Avaloncon/BPA) I'll have it with me for private viewing (Doncon is a gaming con, not a show con.) I should be recognizable as the person who will win all heats plus the final of Air Baron!

Here's a rough description. The rules are the standard rules, although I have not seen an exact copy of them. I was told that they're pretty much using the AH rules verbatim.

The map is a bit more colorful, it looks to me more like a History of the World map in style (but not exactly.) It is of course Europe, with no changes to borders or names. The armies are cannons and the fleets are battleships. Both are metal.

HGG is also adding cardboard counters to show who currently owns a supply center. I have to say that this is definitvely a convenient addition for FtF play.

Finally, the developer of the HGG version is Larry Harris (designer of Axis & Allies.) I mention this because PB/MB don't tend to put credits in their rule books.

See y'all later, Bill, yobeowulf of or ahgames of

Lee Kendter, Jr. (Wed, 26 May 1999 20:48:03 -0400)

7 Year NYEED doesn't have its own number. ((I asked him about the North American Variant Bank (NAVB) catalog and where 7 year NYEED fit in. Lee also shortly will be giving up the Miller Number Custodian job after many years of faithful service. Three cheers for Lee!)) My first A&O was dated February 26, 1992. I had the post at least a little while before that.

On the other hand, I NAVB is 10 years old. My first catalog was the 89 catalog. I am keeping the NAVB.

At some point when I get enough new variants, you will see it in that catalog.

The catalog cost $5.00 for the printed version, or free as an email attachment in Word Perfect 6 format.

You are free to advertise the catalog.

Lee, lkend of

((Consider it advertised.))


It is still time to send in your ``best of 1998'' lists. Give it to me anyway you want to - a top 10, a couple of favorites, a list, an essay, whatever - the classic is to tell me your top singles, top albums, and best concerts of the year, but you are the boss. Don't wait too long though because I want to move into the party tape issues pretty quickly. I plan to have my list in... well now it is NEXT time. And here they are.... as I got down to doing this, after culling out the losers and the mediocre, I had THIRTY-FIVE discs to consider for my top CD's of 1998!!! As I consider further below, some of those may drop out or into an honorable mention list, but somehow this was a better year than I thought it was on the music front. Well, let's go to the lists:


The Top Ten

A few CD's really stood out for me this year. With my relatively new five disc changer, I finally got into the habit of sticking a bunch of discs in, setting it on random and enjoying. These were the ones that never got very far away from the changer:

The Mekons - Me (Quarterstick - [no US site that I know of.... but this British site is good] Any year with a new Mekons release is a good one, and when the greatest rock and roll band in the world produces something sublime, it is a GREAT one. The trite thing to say is that there is something missing in lots of music as corporate interests keep it as an industry. There are very few bands out there who have oodles of talent, lots of smarts, and really just live the music to get beyond this. The Mekons in that sense are more of a club than a band. Their recent interactions with Kathy Acker have them a club with sex on the brain, but mixed with their usual mordant curiosity, we get some really raunchy, wacky, but deep stuff on Me. For me, it's rekindled even more interest in the band, more so than at any time since their exploration of goth in Curse. I've talked about Me elsewhere too, just after it came out, so I won't repeat lots of that. And I rave about the Mekons so much that you're all probably tired of it anyway. So instead, let me just urge you all to ``come and have a go, if you think you're hard enough....'' While most games in this szine originally were named after characters in Rasselas (where the szine name comes from), now most are named after Mekons songs. The ones on this CD are infectious, mixing in Susie Honeyman's violin, Sally Timms' vocals, Steve Goulding's firm and precise drum work, Tom Greenhalgh's multitalented musicianship, and of course Jon Langford's pure genius to great effect. I can't help but gush over the gorgeous harmonies that Sally and Jon give us on ``Mirror'' juxtaposed with massive bad taste of ``Tourettes'' - this is THE MEkons. There undoubtedly are lots of other Club Mekons members chiming in, but everything on this record is uncredited. Yes, they are Me and we are Me.... The new record is rumoured to be called I Have Been To Heaven And Back: Hen's Teeth and other lost fragments of unpopular culture Vol. 1 and is a compilation of all sorts of oddities. I haven't found it yet, but I will. There is nothing so sure as a Mekons fan - don't we wish all music were like this? Sure we do....

Melissa Ferrick - everything i need (What Are Records? - Whoa, baby. Melissa (along with the next singer on this list) may just be the most challenging and affecting songwriter you are ever going to come across. She made my list last year with her last CD, but this one just blew me away. Melissa is tough, strong, funny, and persistently charming. She also sucks you right in with an emotional honesty that just wacks you in the head. She has a voice that ``lets go and lets you in'' as it growls, croons, and bites off words. And her guitar picking is sharp and percussive and this CD records it brilliantly. There are slow ballads such as ``I Like It That Way'' that picks up on these themes of holding on and letting go, all at the same time. ``I Like It That Way'' goes on to pick up the tempo and volume with the emotion in the middle, before coming back down at the end. Then there are upbeat bouncers that are even, dare I say it, danceable such as the title track and ``Asking For Love'' - about a bit too pretty girl in a bar. Every single track grabs me in some way, there is not a dog anywhere to be found. Then it finishes up with the stunner of the whole set, ``Don't Say Goodbye'', that I just listen to over and over again for its poetry and its stark reality. Melissa has a way of popping her voice up... ``I've got a big voice and I'll do anything for you... I promise I won't kill you and I promise I won't lie.'' Where the Mekons are a bit of an acquired taste, I think you'll adore this one from first hearing and won't stop listening as you play it over and over and over as I have. No, you can't make love holding onto your fists, loosen 'em up and go buy this one.

Erin McKeown - Monday Morning Cold (tvp records, cassette only - Erin McKeown is an enchanting songstress of Virginia/Providence vintage. She is at the very beginning of her career, but it is a career destined for success. At present, she's trying to keep her primary focus on completing her undergraduate degree here in town at Brown, while only touring in the summer. This summer she is making her very first west coast swing. I heavily encourage my musically literate west coasters to check her out in these places on these dates (more info on above web page): 25 june - sherman oaks CA; 26,27 june - sandiego/santamonica CA; 29 june - san pedro CA; 30 june - san luis obispo CA; 1 july - san francisco CA; 2,3 july - monterey/ davis CA; 6 july - emeryville CA; 8 july - olympia WA; 9 july - eugene OR; 10 july - seattle WA w/ KATE WOLF and friends; 11 july - seattle WA; 14 july - bellingham WA; and then from 15 july-22 july w/ VOICES on the VERGE midwest TOUR (I'm not sure where exactly that is going...except that it includes Chicago and Valparaiso [famous for something other than basketball, I guess!!]). Erin's skills with the guitar are unique, which really is saying something given the long history of the instrument. This really only can be fully appreciated live. Before she gets really big and of necessity ends up in bigger rooms where things will be different, you need to see her now. It is an eclectic brew of jazzy, rockish, folkish, strange rhythms that she bops and strums out on the guitar. Now, let's get to this latest release (all still on cassette), Monday Morning Cold. This is more of a demo tape that illustrates Erin's vast range at such a tender age. It is not as polished or ``complete'' as last year's mini-cassette, but it has twice as many songs and even more high points. She emphasizes the jazz motifs in three band pieces with upright bass and drums. I expect this to be her eventual way of playing to wider audiences, though live she can do it all herself in small rooms. The highlight of these, ``Fast As I Can'', leads off the tape with a solid backbone. The ``Lullaby in 3/4'' is a truly incredible piece of extraordinary sensitivity, though the Brown radio DJ's are a bit hard to take (from a live broadcast). She even does some silly electronic music on ``Glass''. Yes, much of this is more interesting for the extraordinary future promise that it holds, but it still plays great all by itself. Listening to her, you can't believe she's only about 20, though the version of ``Something Comes'', from a live radio station broadcast, is truly stunning - I listen to it over and over and over in the car - and makes it clear that she wrote it in high school. I expect the future to sound more like ``Softly Moses'', which appears on both tapes and leads off Side 2 here. Both ``Softly Moses'' and ``Something Comes'' are given more intensely personal and effective readings on this tape, despite inferior sound quality. Some of the songs were even recorded in the bathroom of her dorm at Brown. At a recent concert, I was sitting about five feet from her while she was singing her MOST intensely personal song, ``How To Open My Heart in Four Easy Steps," which was one of the bathroom recordings. This song was composed after seeing the movie Titanic twice - both times alone!? - and trying to compose a Celine Dion ``power ballad''. Yes, this attempt did fail miserably, and I'm sure Celine Dion couldn't possibly handle singing this song, but in Erin's hands it is emotion ripping gorgeous. I'm serious when I tell you that it was hard to sit that close to her while she was singing it! I strongly recommend this tape for car listening (as I use it) where these flaws disappear into the road noise and you can quickly and easily adjust volume for each song to ideal levels. I'm not sure how they deal with foreigners, if anyone from abroad has trouble ordering an Erin McKeown tape, I'll be pleased to be an intermediary. Order your cassette (either 2503 [the 1997 release] or 2504 [Monday Morning Cold]) by sending just $6 to tvp records; information bureau, cyber sub-unit; po box 344; providence RI 02901 or visit the ordering section of the website for more details. This is a REAL bargain at twice the price!!! And finally, MARK this date on your calendars.... locals from around here are welcome to visit. Saturday night September 11 (remember, it is Rosh Hashanah if that helps), here in Providence in our very own artsy coffeehouse AS220, across the street from the theatre where my wife works, appearing together for the very first time.... Melissa Ferrick and Erin McKeown. I've got it circled in red on my calendar.

Those are probably the top three. I noticed the heavy female tilt (counting Susie and Sally in the Mekons). There is a similar, if not quite so pronounced tilt among the other seven. Let's take up Melissa and Erin's opposite number on the male side next. In fact, I first picked up on Erin when she opened for Jonathan Richman a few years ago....

Jonathan Richman - i'm so confused (Vapor Records - This was a tremendous breakout year for Jonathan in so many ways. I'm going to address one whole class of that breakout elsewhere in this year's review, but I think this is a new record deal for our favorite male singer/songwriter. Vapor is distributed by Warner Brothers. Old pal Ric Ocasek and lots of solid production (but not overdone) makes for a positively gorgeous recording. Songs like ``When I Dance'' and ``Hello From Cupid'' are taken directly from the jaunty style that has been the backbone of the last twenty years of recording on the edge. Then, there is ``Affection'' that is a really serious take on the need for affection in the world, with some lessons taken from the tip of the tongue that lies against the inside of the cheek. This is just a stunning song live as well. Old pal Tommy Larkins on drums is joined by Darryl Jenifer on bass for a still quite spare sound. The poignant ending of ``I Can't Find My Best Friend'' as the world turns inside out when Jonathan can't find his (female) best friend takes the sentimental Jonathan right to the edge. The last thirty years of recorded music by this man spans an infinite array of emotions. Fantastic. Check out this latest chapter.

Stereolab - the group played ``Space Age Bachelor Pad Music'' (Beggars Banquet - Stereolab hit a few potholes on some recent records, but this record hit a welcome new home run! Stereolab is all about ambiance and if the ambiance doesn't come across FIRST then all the technique in the universe won't help them. BUT, this also is a technical achievement of great complexity. The ONLY liner notes on the whole disc are a long explanation of various key acoustic principles governing the creation and playback of this disc. Despite all this high falutin' stuff, the music still sounds great and achieves ambient perfection on any reproducing medium (I'm listening to the disc on REALLY cheap stereo headplugs - too cheap to even call them phones - plugged into my very old Sony Discman and it still sounds fantastic!). The combination of Mary Hansen's voice, the Farfisa organs, and the treacly sound effects come to most effective fruition on ``We're Not Adult Orientated'' as indeed we are not.... it's here in two versions: a relaxing daydreaming version and an electrocharged ``New Wave Live'' version that gets me pogoing and must be a stunning closer in concert. This CD is a must have for all ambient music fans and a great introduction for those who have not been seduced by the charms before.

Mark Cutler - Skylolo (Potters Field Records - No, this is not as good as Mark's ``Useful Things'' record, but that one is on my top ten recordings of the 1990's, so it isn't an insult to say that this is merely one of the best ten of 1998. Local Rhode Islander Tom Buckland and Boston whiz David Minehan co-produce. Minehan is the addition from the previous team and the smoothness he generates helps make this record better background music, but filing off Mark's rough edges doesn't always serve the music. The roughness of the dysfunctional ``This Family'' illustrates this most clearly as it blows you away in concert and seems just that hairbreadth too pretty here. Long time live crowd favorite ``I Could Get Used To This'' is degraded by the use of female background singers on the chorus, in this opinion. It makes me cry live, but not here, the background singers provide some of the human contact that the song demands be missing. Some of Mark's earlier efforts as the lead singer of the Raindogs suffer from the same problem. But I'm nitpicking. Cutler is still one of the most biting songwriters around as the opening triplet going from the midget ``Skylolo'' to the bruising ``Know Me By Now'' to the poignant ``Lie Next To You'' pulls you directly into the center of Mark's world. ``Call Me a Stranger'' and ``Kinda Girl'' have all of the brilliant songwriting with rhythm, guitar chops, and quirky lyrics that Mark is known for and rewards repeated listenings. Hey, listening to it again and writing about it reminds me yet again how deep Mark Cutler's music is and no matter how many times I listen to it, it still rewards. Perhaps this will keep grabbing and grabbing...

Susan Tedeschi - just won't burn (Tone Cool Records - I gotta have something rootsy on this list. Susan's female growl really showed us how to ``Rock Me Right'' this year. Susan gives a good mix of self penned numbers (``You Need to Be With Me'' and ``Found Someone New''), doing the songs of her producer (``Rock Me Right'' and ``It Hurt So Bad''), and doing great versions of songs by the great roots singers out there (``Little By Little'' from Junior Wells and ``Angel From Montgomery'' from John Prine). I have originals of both of these and she gets the snarly soul of Junior's and the poignant balladry of Prine just right - remembering each one but also making these songs her own. Annie Raines' harmonica on the former is worthy of the masters and Tim Gearan's slide guitar on the latter is absolutely perfect. Susan thanks one helluva list of inspirations too. It starts with the voices of Irma Thomas and Etta James, continues with the Island sound of Marley and Toots Hibbert, and ends up with Mahalia Jackson. In between are the obligatory nods to Dylan, Holiday, Charles, and Franklin (no first names needed....) but it is these other touchstones which illustrate the amazing range and depth such a young woman has. Then I have to admit that Richard Weiss slipped in to write about Tedeschi in this szine first AND he identified my failure to attend Susan's last appearance here in downtown Providence. Grrrreat backups, grrrrreat production, and grrrrreat singing and lead guitar work from the star lead us to believe that the best is yet to come here. Get on the bandwagon early, you're already late.

Dar Williams, Lucy Kaplansky, and Richard Shindell - Cry, Cry, Cry (Razor and Tie Entertainment - and Many of the recordings on this list are pretty obscure, admittedly, but there's always room for critically acclaimed and relatively popular records that also deliver the goods. I guess Dar, Lucy, and Richard come from the folky side of the house, which might have hurt the popularity of this disc somewhat, but I don't see a single reason why. As Richard Shindell is reported to have said: ``Why don't we just do an album of songs we love?'' Why not indeed!!?? I was familiar with almost half of the 12 songs to one degree or another, each already a favorite or made more so through the versions here. Then, other songs are quickly becoming favorites to equal degrees. They grabbed some publicity by leading off with a stellar version of REM's ``Fall On Me'', though that is by no means the best song on the album. The one that follows it - James Keelaghan's ``Cold Missouri Waters'' - might be. The version here is far superior to James' Green Linnet recording and tells the story of the first use of the forest firebreak. I like every song, but the highlights for me was having Dar sing Greg Brown's ``Lord, I Have Made You a Place'' and the a cappella ``Northern Cross'' (from someone named Leslie Smith - one of the ones I'd never heard of before). ``Down By the Water'' (Jim Armenti) even rocks a bit. Then, they finish up with the two ``can't help but cry'' songs. ``I Know What Kind of Love This Is'' is extremely simple, by Nerissa Nields, whom I also think I should get to know better. Then Richard does his own ``The Ballad of Mary Magdalen'', again with Dar Williams on lead vocal. Dar is the brilliant singer here, but the group effort adds greater depth to the result.

Lucinda Williams - Car Wheels On a Gravel Road (Mercury - Lucinda has been a cult figure for some time, considered to be one of the great singers of the 1990's who'd never been properly recorded. This recording ends that streak. Whizbang producer Roy Bittan chips in on organ and accordian in addition to fixing up the production. Emmylou Harris and Steve Earle show up to lend their not inconsiderable reputations to the project without weighting it down. The guitar work on ``Drunken Angel'' and ``I Lost It'' (THREE guitarists on each) is all essential without being cloying. Then, just as you think you've heard everything, about three quarters of the way through, the quiet screaming of ``Greenville'' starts blowing you away. Emmylou Harris does simple but perfect backing harmony vocals on the second verse and the rest of the choruses. That's it. Then, a bit later comes ``Joy'', with FOUR guitarists (I'm not even counting the bass player here), which has a simple message of the ``search for joy''. Then we finish up with one of those quiet teary eyed songs, ``Jackson''. These songs feel like you've known them all your life the first time you hear them and you just can't forget Lucinda singing them, once you they worm their way into your heart. Wow.

Philip Pickett - The Bones of All Men and of several remarkable curiosities therein occurring being a compendium of Daunces, Pavannes, Steps and such played this tiem by Mr. Philip Pickett with Mr. Richard Thompson and The Fairport Rhythm Section (Rykodisc - http://www.rykodisc .com): And last but absolutely not least, we have Ghod Richard hooking up with Philip Pickett, Sharona Joshua, and three guys of some considerable acquaintance - Dave Pegg, Simon Nicol, and Dave Mattacks. I love all of the old recorder, crumhorn, and shawm medieval music. Philip Pickett is a master of it. Sharona Joshua is Pickett's keyboard player wife. Sounds like they need some rhythm instruments and a couple of great guitarists..... go no further than the best of the Fairport Convention crowd. The music comes from the 400 year period between 1200 and 1600 and sounds just perfect in the hands of these diverse musicians. Ghod is occasionally intrusive, sometimes supportive, but always interesting. All the Ghod/Fairport fans will find it a must have, but I think it will be attractive to everyone.

I'd be interested in hearing what people think of all of these records. These ten came out and hit me over the head as I was gathering things up. The rest of the list and the honorable mentions will come in Part II, next issue.


This section is developing a list of the great party singles of the century. You'll get a definite sense of quirky before we're done. You'll also get a sense of timelessness. I'll assume that I'll also get some comments from some of you. I'm going to set a slate of only 10 - that's just ONE more from what is below and then DEMAND votes from you out there to fill the rest of the slots. The Bullpen voting system I am envisioning will work like this: you each get ten votes which you can allocate across as few as two songs (5 votes apiece) or as many as ten songs (1 vote for each). You can allocate your ten votes any way you want, but you can't put any more than five votes on any one song. You also get ONE B-52 song vote (although you can add votes from your main allotment if desired) and THREE Drug Song votes which will be held in a separate category. The other ``special'' bullpens must be voted on from your main allotment of votes. I decided that I WILL print running totals and print the names of the people who have voted. Also, you guys wrote some great stuff about the songs, so I've printed that too! Write-ins will be permitted, but are unlikely to win. I know I have lost some suggestions that aren't in the bullpen lists below, so feel free to mention 'em again! Everything that started in the bullpen started with one vote.

To encourage voting early, five voters at random will receive five US dollars from me (either in cash or paid to someone for Dip stuff). I will take these voters at random every other issue, starting with this issue, and draw one randomly, so early voters get FIVE chances to win, but no one will be allowed to win twice. I'm also giving the round one voters below five chances in said drawing, those in the second round four, and so on, to more heavily penalize the chances of those last minute voters and reward these pioneers! That should do it!! Since this issue is monstrous, I am pushing back my voters to next issue and my prize awards likewise. Prizes will be awarded in issues 220, 222, and 224. Get your Round 3 votes in now if you don't see your name below!!! You each will receive three chances in the drawing for the next five dollar prize. Voters in Round 1 were Mike Barno($5), Rick Desper, Tony Dickinson, Drew James, Heath Gardner, and John Harrington. Round 2 postal voters are John Schultz ($5) Ian Moore, and Stan Johnson. John wins the second prize and in future drawings these people will have five chances, just as the Round 1 voters. Round 2 E-Mail voters get four chances and are Scott Morris, Warren Goesle, Peter Sullivan, and Michael Lowrey.

We'll end up with a monster party tape at the end of it that I plan to segue and sequence and copy for distribution. The result will be a great New Millenium party tape. I've also been thinking that I should put this out on CD as truly emblematic of the new millenium. I don't have the capability to do that quite yet, but I think I might by then. Any suggestions (or especially volunteers) on this front will be cheerfully accepted and could receive monetary payments!

So far, we have ``I Melt With You'' by Modern English; George Gershwin's ``I got Plenty O' Nuttin' '' from Porgy and Bess in the 1957 concert recording with Ella Fitzgerald finishing off the vocals after Louis Armstrong blows and sings through the tune; Duke Ellington performing Billy Strayhorn's ``Take the A Train''; Frank Sinatra's ``New York, New York''; something from the B-52's; the original Van Morrison and Them version of ``Gloria''; The (English) Beat's 12 inch version of ``Save It for Later'' ratchets things up to the next level (wherever you put it!); Buster Poindexter's ``Hot, Hot, Hot'' keeps you there; ``Atomic Dog'' by George Clinton blows the doors off, and Koko Taylor cleans up singing Willie Dixon's ``Wang Dang Doodle''.

EXTRA SPECIAL B-52'S BULLPEN: (4) ``Love Shack''. (3) ``Planet Claire''; ``Rock Lobster". (2)``Give Me Back My Man". (1) ``Dance This Mess Around"; ``Private Idaho''; ``Deadbeat Club''; ``52 Girls''; NONE.

BULLPEN: (8) Nirvana - ``Smells Like Teen Spirit". (7) ``Cumberland Blues'' - the Grateful Dead; ``Mannish Boy" - Muddy Waters. (6) ``In Between Days'' - The Cure. (5) ``Twistin the Night Away" - Sam Cooke; ``Twist & Shout" - Beatles; ``Radar Love'' - Golden Earring; ``Crossroads'' - Eric Clapton. (4) Lou Reed - ``Sweet Jane''; ``Shake, Rattle, & Roll" - Big Joe Turner; Peter Frampton - ``Do you feel like we do"; Devo - ``Whip It". (3) ``Dancing With Myself'' - Billy Idol's Gen X; ``Tweedle Dee'' by Lavern Baker; B Movie - ``Nowhere Girl"; ``Add It Up'' - Violent Femmes; ``I Wanna Be Sedated" - Ramones; ``Jambalaya" - Hank Williams; ``I Feel Good" - James Brown; Squeeze - ``If I Didn't Love You"; ``Rocking the Casbah'' - The Clash; ``The Butterfly Collector" - The Jam; ``Magic Carpet Ride" - Steppenwolf; Public Enemy - ``Bring Tha Noize". (2) ``Fire on the Mountain'' - the Grateful Dead; Violent Femmes - ``Blister in the Sun"; ``Proud Mary'' - Ike and Tina Turner; ``party at ground zero'' by fishbone; Green Day - ``Basket Case''; ``Debaser'' - The Pixies; ``Train In Vain'' - The Clash; ``Locomotion" - Little Eva; ``Revolution" - the Beatles; Little Richard - ``Rock Island Line''; ``Magic Mountain" - the Animals; ``Pass the Dutchie" - Peter Tosh; ``What Time is Love'' - KLF; ``In the Mood" - Glenn Miller; ``Ebeneezer Goode'' - The Shamen; ``Lithium'' - Nirvana. (1) ``Walk This Way'' - Run-DMC; ``How Soon Is Now?'' - The Smiths; ``Last of the Famous International Playboys'' - Morrissey; ``Roadrunner'' - Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers; ``Roadrunner'' - the Animals; ``I'm Coming Out'' - Diana Ross; Strunz and Farrah - ``Americas''; Clarence ``Gatemouth'' Brown - ``Up Jumped the Devil''; David Bowie - ``Fame''; ``Been Caught Stealing'' - Jane's Addiction; ``Hard to Handle'' - Black Crowes; ``Birth-day'' - Suzanne Vega; Doors - ``Road House Blues"; Bangles - ``Hazy Shade of Winter"; Go-Go's - ``Our Lips are Sealed"; Led Zeppelin - ``Hey, Hey what can I do"; Three Dog Night - ``Shambala"; ``Party Train'' - Gap Band; Concrete Blonde - ``Still in Hollywood"; ``The Pusher" - Steppenwolf; ``Want Ad Blues" - John Lee Hooker; ``Give the Dog a Bone" - AC/DC; ``Chain of Fools" - Aretha Franklin; ``What I Like About You" - Romantics; ``And We Danced" - Hooters; ``Particle Man" - They Might Be Giants; Erasure - ``River Deep, Mountain High"; ``All Along the Watchtower" - Jimi Hendrix's KISS THE SKY version of Bob Dylan's song); ``One Love" - Bob Marley; ``I Wanna Be a Lifeguard'' - Blotto; ``Hollywood Handsome" - Tuscadero; ``Connection" - Elsatica; ``Happiness is a Warm Gun" - The Breeders; ``Why do you Drink?" - Hank Williams, Jr.; ``Freshly" - Dillinger; ``Fool's Gold'' - Stone Roses; ``Wannabe'' - Spice Girls; ``All Right Now'' - Free; ``Louie, Louie'' - The Kingsmen.

SPECIAL GEORGE CLINTON BULLPEN: (2) ``I Just Wanna Testify''; ``Flash Light''. (1) Prince - ``Bob & George"; ``Let's Take It to the Stage'', ``The Pinocchio Theory''.

SPECIAL MILLENNIUM BULLPEN: ``1999'' - Prince; ``Disco 2000'' - Pulp. These songs are officially INELIGIBLE FOR THE TAPE!!!

SPECIAL ROLLING STONES BULLPEN: (6) ``Paint It Black''. (3) ``Satisfaction". (2) ``Sympathy for the Devil''; ``Jumpin' Jack Flash". (1) ``Get Off of My Cloud''; ``Gimme Shelter''; ``Brown Sugar''; ``Honky Tonk Woman''; ``Street Fighting Man''.

SPECIAL TALKING HEADS BULLPEN: (8) ``Take me to the River". (1) ``The Great Curve''; ``Life During Wartime''; the entire Speaking in Tongues record.

SPECIAL ALPHABET SONG BULLPEN: (5) ``YMCA" - Village People. (1) ``MTA" - Kingston Trio.

SPECIAL DRUG MUSIC BULLPEN: (6) ``Don't Bogart that Joint'' - Fraternity of Man; ``The Old Dope Peddler'' - Tom Lehrer. (5) ``Casey Jones'' - the Grateful Dead; ``Red, Red Wine'' - UB40. (3) ``Bush Doctor'' - Peter Tosh. (2) The Toys - ``Smoke Two Joints''; ``Easy Skanking" - Bob Marley; ``Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll'' - Ian Dury and the Blockheads; ``The Needle and the Damage Done'' - Neil Young; ``Cocaine'' - Eric Clapton's version; ``I'm an Okie from Muskogee'' - Merle Haggard; entire Animals album - Pink Floyd; ``Panama Red'' - New Riders; Thin Lizzy - ``Whisky in the Jar''. (1) ``Smoke, Smoke, Smoke (That Cigarette)'' - Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen; ``Legalize It'' - Peter Tosh; ``Heroin'' - Lou Reed and Velvet Underground; ``The Drugs Don't Work" - The Verve; ``Old Red Eyes is Back" - Beautiful South; ``Hemp, for Victory'' - Ramon Renedge; ``Revolution'' - Spacemen 3; ``Halcyon'' - Orbital; ``Sinsemilla" - Black Uhuru; Hawkwind - ``LSD''; ``Hassan I Sahba''(Hashish) - Hawkwind; Sisters Of Mercy - ``Amphetamine Logic''; ``More Songs about Chocolate and Girls'' - The Undertones; Pink Floyd - ``Obscured by Clouds''; Stranglers - ``Golden Brown''; Levellers - ``Just the One''; New Model Army - ``Heroin''.

Richard Weiss (Fri, 21 May 1999 22:49:13 PDT)

Keith Ammann: I've been an enneagram fan for a decade. The originator is from the Bay Area. I find the application to Dip peculiarly intriguing and will go on-line for further discussions.

Jim: Somehow, this last issue struck more wonderful chords, had more interesting teasers to other sites, conversations, interests than in a long time. Congratulations on my favorite issue in a while. I'm joining the Octopus crowd also. I can't wait to run choo-choos against Mikey and Conrad.

Richard, rcw of

Tony Dickinson (Sat, 22 May 1999 23:46:26)

Hiya Jim, Cheers fer yet another TAP ... hmmm looks like `Nirvana' are doing well in the `Bullpen', can't believe that I missed `The Cure's' - ``In Between Days'' (total classic) *sigh* ... so it goes.

I think that I'll go the same as Scott (Morris) if I win anything it's only right that it goes towards the compilation defo tape yeah? ... OK?

Ummm re the last band in the `Drug Special Bullpen' i.e. `The Magic Mushroon Band' errrr only just noticed but `Ditto Skunk' WASN'T supposed to be my nomination, it was rather a comment as in ditto `Skunk Anansie' (another band) i.e. their band names ALONE should get 'em in the section! Oooops ... not that it really matters I guess :-S ((Well, no, but I've dropped them anyway. This is about songs, not names.)) Time to go I reckon ...

all the best, c ya - Tony L'n'P, tony of

Steve Emmert (Thu, 27 May 1999 15:45:18 -0400)

Yo, Jim-Bob -

Rick Desper really had a good list of the century's greatest sporting feats. I would add Secretariat in 1973, Muhammad Ali's swath of destruction through the heavyweight division in the 1960's, Jim Thorpe's winning the decathlon and the pentathlon in the 1912 Olympics, and Christy Mathewson's three shutouts in the 1903 World Series (that was a five-game series, so he pitched those shutouts over the span of six days). For single-event performance, there's no topping Chamberlain's 100-point game; maybe Secretariat in the Belmont comes close.

I'm not a Pirates fan, but there has to be a case made for Harvey Haddix as the greatest single-game pitching performance. Twelve PERFECT innings in a row? And he loses in the 13th when a guy reaches on an error and later scores on the only hit of the game? How much of a bummer is that?

Hope you're well. Best wishes. Steve, Lse of

Rip Gooch (Tue, 25 May 1999 14:06:04 -0700 (PDT))

I've joined up with Octopus for RR and fully intend to contribute at length to TAP very shortly. I shall remain a corresponding member rather than a playing one as my experiences with Diplomacy have been entirely unforgettable. Playing on-line with the possibilities for high-speed negotiating does appeal, I must admit. Maybe when I've played a few rounds of RR and found a place to play Cricketboss or equivalent. Yes, I've found the sites: and are where to look.

The comments on Kumble's feat are very respectable. I feel no need to expand. The music voting looks complex and well beyond my experience. Stuck in Canadian country and m.o.r. territory I don't get to see or hear too much of the latest music. For my sins I am a collector of, and minor authority on, surf and hot rod music. But my tastes span widely. REM's Up is my current favourite, mainly because of the wonderful tribute to Brian Wilson on ``At My Most Beautiful''. Has anyone directed you to Imagination? Probably not - what am I saying, given your published list???!!! ((Huh???!!!)) Nobody here has heard of Robbie Williams, so the whole scene is a little distorted. I'm discovering Canadian country - it ain't all bad. Great Big Sea and Prairie Oyster are wonderful!

I was involved in music in the early 70s. DJ and concert promoter at college. So mainly prog rock and psychedelia. Met lots of interesting people - but I'm afraid the B52s passed me by ... ((We don't discuss that period much around here any more, but over sixteen years or so of pubbing, we've talked about practically everything at one time or another. I do have a lingering love for early 70s prog rock and psychedelia, though. Did you ever hear of Michael Perlitch? He is my favorite unknown superstar of that period. He had a stunning song called ``Pete the Bondage Freak''. I also loved that early Yes, the Rick Wakeman solo records, and obscure German psychedelia like Klaus Schulze. Then, of course, there was The Nice (better than ELP) and Nektar. Is that what you're talking about???))

My fledgling web page at shows what I'm currently interested in. If Stephen Agar can be persuaded to rummage through the old copies of Howay The Lads, he'll come across the one I edited in which I published a spoof game based on a rock festival, along with my list of all-time guaranteed disco floor-fillers. #27 I think. It dates from the late 70s so it might not mean much now. But there are one or two records on there which I'd judge as good candidates for a Millenium collection. ``All Right Now'', Free; ``Brown Sugar'', ``Honky Tonk Woman'', ``Street Fighting Man'', etc.; Anything by the sublime and subliminal Sweet. ((The three songs above are all Stones classics, right? I've added them to the appropriate bullpen with one vote. I thought about ``All Right Now'', but I have it on one of my car tapes, and it really doesn't seem to hold up very well when I listen to it over and over now. The production values or something I can't quite pinpoint, but I keep thinking it should be a better song, but isn't. Still, I've also tossed it in above, since I was thinking about it. Now, you should pop off your votes!))

This Has Been, Rip Gooch, ripgch of

Rick Desper (Mon, 17 May 1999 04:44:25 -0700 (PDT))

I was interested to see that, a few months later, people are finally reading my impeachment commentary. I don't want to waste too much more time on this but...

Jody, you talk about my comments about Reagan's ``hare-brained" foreign policy without making reference to the fact that I was talking about Iran-Contra. This is why it was hare-brained:

1) The Iranian-backed terrorists would kidnap an American.

2) The Iranians would ``negotiate" a release, getting arms they needed for their war with Iraq.

3) The Iranians would go back to step 1.

The spooks running the Reagan policy thought they were so clever. They were outwitting the Democratic Congress, in the name of ``helping the Contras". The problems

a) they took extra-constitutional measures to raise the money. The Constitution does not allow the Executive Branch to allocate funds on its own, without Congressional oversight.

b) every time a hostage was released, another one was taken. The Iranians must have thought we were total idiots.

c) the entire plan was done in secret, and against the general wishes of the American public. When exposed, there was a general unwillingness on the part of the President to stand behind what he had done.

Jody's statement: ``And Clinton's foreign policy would be...what? It seems to be something like: threaten a lot and use bombs a lot."

I suggest that you read up a bit more. There is an actual foreign policy here, which is not only Clinton's, but is shared by the NATO alliance. Perhaps you should do a web search with the key words ``ethnic cleansing". Or, you could do what I do, watch NATO press conferences on CNN. CNN has had a lot of very graphic photos of the slaughter which has happened. They've shown pictures of rows of corpses, lined up in fields in Kosovo.

The whole issue is enough to turn a lot of stomachs in Europe. I think the Europeans are much more emotionally involved in this campaign than the Americans. What is quite interesting is that this is the first time the Germans have had their troops involved in a foreign campaign since the 40s. (And personally, I think it's OK to let Germany and Japan out of the penalty box now, but I digress.) And this involvement is in spite of the fact that the Greens are part of the ruling coalition. The Greens are pacifists, and they have a much stronger political presence in Germany than any leftist force in the US. However, they, and most Germans, are rather sensitive to the idea of stopping genocide. Having spent the last 50 years listening to people lecture them about the Holocaust, I sense a deep feeling, even among the Greens, that this time, the Germans are going to do something positive. The moral issues here are deeply compelling to a lot of people. It's not about who owns what oil field, or whose shrine is being threatened.

((I agree. It looks like things are breaking now. I had long thought that if NATO could show resolve, that Serbia would break down before winter, when they would not be able to contemplate a winter without power and water. What is surprising me is that it is June and not September. That means we did even more damage to ``creature comforts'' in Serbia than was widely reported, correcting the damage will take longer than I thought (i.e. they will need all summer to get ready for winter), or they're up to something else. I think this will show in the long run that air war campaigns will be able to be more and more effective as we get more and more attached to our technologies.))

I don't know whether Jody is questioning whether NATO should be involved at all, or whether we should be more aggressively involved. But the kind of cheap shot he took is typical of the rudderless Republican leadership these days. With Gingrich gone, they cannot make up their minds what to oppose and what to support. They seem to be just making a knee-jerk opposition to everything that Clinton does. Perhaps some time in the next year and a half, the Republicans will realize that Clinton is not running for any more elections, and that, if they continue to make every issue a personal conflict between themselves and Clinton, they will lose even worse in 2000 than they did in 1998.

Well, I really didn't want to get drawn into a Kosovo debate. Right now I'm completely furious about the bombing of the Chinese embassy. By the way, nobody here believe it was an accident. It's hard for me to forcefully argue the idea that the CIA could be so competent (even though I believe they can be) since I know also that the CIA is also quite capable of deciding to pretend to be incompetent. Also, my German teacher has taken to pontificating recently about how the Kosovo conflict is just about the American drive for more power. Worse, there is a woman from Belgrade in the class. Should I try to explain to her that the people from my country are bombing the people from her country because we believe that her leader is the moral equivalent of a Hitler? Do I dare use the name Hitler in the presence of Germans? She is, quite understandably, extremely worried for the safety of her family. This upsets me greatly, and I worry that she, and the other students in the class, will somehow identify me, the only American there, as the personification of What is Wrong With the US.

The whole Kosovo mess gets me quite upset. I think that NATO is going into new ground here which is redefining what the alliance is about, and I'm not sure that I like the redefinition. But should we sit back and do nothing? It is so easy for people to criticize what others have not done. Actually trying to become involved oneself is much harder. Given the political instability of Russia (Yeltsin's approval rating is lower than 10%, and dropping, and it looks like he's going to dissolve the Duma soon and rule by decree) and the increasing tension between the US and China, I have very real fears that the current mess could get out of control. Well, that turned into a long letter. I did get to see the Knicks beat the Heat last night. Bwa-hah. Too bad they couldn't both lose that series.

Rick, rick_desper of

((One comment on the ``allocating money without Congressional Oversight". Be assured that I agree with you in all substantial respects, but in practice the government does most of its "budget allocation" work without much serious Congressional oversight. The Congress is more like gnats harassing a hiker through the woods. If they REALLY, REALLY concentrate their forces and efforts they can dissuade the hiker from taking a particular path, but more commonly the hiker still goes wherever he or she was going and puts on a mosquito net if it gets really bad. But then, of course, the hiker has trouble seeing and is more likely to slip and fall on the rocks.... pretty neat analogy, eh? The lesson to serious Social Science students of Government is that the effective operation of the Government requires loyal, ethical Government employees (read hikers) who take on taxpayer interests as their own. In my various governmental roles, I have never hesitated to raise these concerns, even when they clearly are not welcome.))

((How many of you have noticed the recent flare up of the extremely sedate 15 year long war between India and Pakistan over the remote Siachen Glacier?? Have you wondered what ***REALLY*** sparked its recent acceleration?? I have a theory. On Sunday, May 23, the venerable New York Times had a feature above the fold front page article, with color pictures, by Barry Bearak describing the weird conditions (rifles must be warmed to shoot at that altitude and temperature) and slow pace and stalemate in this war - I'd always been aware of it, it was the answer to a number of obvious trivia questions. Just a few days before publication of the article, both sides reinforced their positions, and the week after the article was published there was more killing, fighting, and combat aircraft downed than in the entire 15 years of the war previously. Why was that, do you think?? Could it have been the hot lights from the Times reporter and flash photographer that heated up this little conflict? No, say it ain't so! Well, yes, I do think so. If the heat of the media's attention can actually turn little conflicts into full blown wars, I think we're getting ourselves in real trouble. In this case, I'm absolutely positive that first India, and then Pakistan, saw the opportunity for the Times article to provide them with the world stage to play out their petty battles over this absolutely useless glacier. It's akin to the US and Mexico battling it out in the muddy basin of the Rio Grande on the Texas border because they want to own some more mud. The problem here is that the Glacier is the border, but it is 50 miles wide at its widest point.))


``So I called up George and he called up Jim, I said let's make a deal.

He said he'd talk to him. Gonna start a church where you can save yourself,

You can make some noise, When you've got no choice...

You told me useful things, what people think of me, I guess I should thank you.

It's true, then I agree... I'm all alone, I've got no choice,

I'm all alone, I've got no choice."

From ``Got No Choice" by the incomparable Mark Cutler, from the CD Mark Cutler and Useful Things.

If you want to submit orders, press, or letters by E-Mail, you can find me through the Internet system at ``burgess of''. If anyone has an interest in having an E-Mail address listed so people can negotiate with you by computer, just let me know. FAX orders to (401) 277-9904.

Standby lists:

Mike Barno, Dick Martin, Brad Wilson, Jack McHugh, Glenn Petroski, Steve Emmert, Mark Kinney, Vince Lutterbie, Eric Brosius, Paul Rauterberg, Stan Johnson, Randy Ellis, Randy1964 of Heath Gardner, Phil Reynolds, Paul Kenny, Dan Gorham, and John Schultz stand by for regular Diplomacy.

Kurt Ozog, Mike Barno, Phil Reynolds, Jim Sayers, Troy Mooney, and Harry Andruschak stand by for the Colonial Diplomacy game.

Brad Wilson, Jack McHugh, Phil Reynolds, Jim Sayers, Randy Ellis, Randy1964 of and Kurt Ozog stand by for the Modern Diplomacy game.

Karl Schuetz stands by for the Colonia game.

Let me know if you want on or off these lists. Standbies get the szine for free and receive my personal thanks. I purged the lists of some out of date names and updated some others who wanted to be added. I'd really appreciate it if anyone wanted to be added to the lists, or put back on if I removed your name in error. I still am maintaining something I'm very proud of.... one of the lowest NMR and resignation rates in the hobby. I very seldom have to call on this bunch, but I appreciate your availability anyway.


Breaking Away is almost full for the next opening, see the sign-up list discussion under the game below. This game will appear in David Partridge's subszine Tinamou. See the subszine for more details.

The only Diplomacy oriented opening left is an opening for a game of Star Trek Diplomacy! This will be the last Diplomacy game opening until a game or two ends. Even though there has been no interest yet, perhaps some will develop if it is my only opening. See Stephen Agar's rules on his web page at:

There are two changes I am looking at when I start the game. First, I really want to name all the star systems after Star Trek locations. I have begun to do this already, but if someone wants to contribute significantly, or even volunteer to do it all, I will offer a free game start in the game. Second, after naming all of the systems, I think I want to nix the ``revolving rings'' rule. The game start is open now, and since I want to STRONGLY encourage press, you can sign up and ``claim'' a race. No interest in this game? I really want to run this. I guess I gotta work on my map and publish it.

I suppose I have to admit that no one is requesting Pontevedria, the North American game opening flyer, from Conrad von Metzke any more. You can contact Conrad by E-Mail at metzke of if you want to ask him about it. I'd be pleased to help anyone find other game openings on a personal basis too. The longer run solution might come out of the efforts of the Brits, on which we might be able to piggyback. If you are interested, contact Stephen Agar at stephen of who still heads up The Diplomatic Pouch postal section or or join the Brit hobby mailing list at:

(Sometimes I Feel Like) FLETCHER CHRISTIAN: 1999Cgh013, Colonia VIIb Diplomacy



CHINA (Acheson): has a PEKING, a WUHAN, a XIAN, f AMOY.








Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Gene Prosnitz, 2600 Netherland Ave., Apt. 1116, Riverdale, NY 10463, (718) 601-8131 ($5)

CHINA: Bob Acheson, 304-556 Laurier Ave., Ottawa, ONTARIO K1R 7X2, CANADA ($5)

racheson of

ENGLAND: John Power, 2021 Westcreek Lane, #20, Houston, TX 77027 ($5)

jrpower of

FRANCE: Terry Gamble, 201 Kenney Ave., Barksdale AFB, LA 71110 ($5)

velobus of

NETHERLANDS: Scott Morris, 12110 Shelbyville Rd., Louisville, KY 40243 ($5)

Scottm221 of

OTTOMAN: Stan Johnson, 12036 S. Potomac St., Phoenix, AZ 85044, (602) 589-0034 ($5)

PORTUGAL: Robert Stimmel, Apt. #57, Casa de Sherry Apts., 2462 North Sycamore Blvd.,

Tucson, AZ 85712-2541, (520) 326-8369 ($5)

RUSSIA: Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Dr., Greenfield, WI 53221, (414) 281-2339 (E-Mail)

prosit of

SPAIN: Heath Gardner, 3017 Mayview Road, Raleigh, NC 27607 ($5)

dweezil of or bassoon of

Game Notes:

1) Thanks to Lee Kendter, Jr., for the Miller Number!

2) Deadline is upon us! Get those final negotiations completed and get your orders in!!!


(JAN 1 - 1751): On New Year's day, at the dawn of an amazing era, the great Netherlands proudly announced the formation of a new ruling party. This new government, assembled by a strong fascist element with an expansionist ideology is to be formally called the National Indigenous Kvetch Ethos. Or NIKE for short. The NIKE party is sponsored by Budweiser and Fruit of the loom. The NIKE party ran on a ticket of increased productivity (through expansion) increased wages (through expansion) and establishing the Netherlands at its rightful place at the head of the table in Europe and abroad (through expansion). Plus lower taxes.

(JAN 2 - 1751): During a press conference NIKE prime Minister Sir Earl Prink announced sweeping reforms for all major industries. These included less taxes, less environmental oversight and a lower drinking age. The lone newspaper not run by the state ran shamelessly tawdry articles on preferential treatment by the government to those that bankrolled their campaign and was promptly shut down. ``We will NOT allow those LIB-er-ALS to attempt to subvert our government." Prime Minister Prink was heard to say as he exited the stand. ``Freaking media can suck my...." He was spirited off in his chariot provided by Charlie's Hardware store.

(JAN 15 - 1751): The NIKE government announced that Prime Minister Prink would be vacationing in his mountain retreat to ponder his next reforms. A spokesperson pointed out that this would be a working holiday as evidenced by the fact that his entire secretary corps and every intern on staff would be in attendance at the retreat.

(JAN 30 - 1751): Prime Minister Prink regretfully announced that the NIKE party would be forced to raise taxes instead of lower them due to the mobilization of the nation's military and lowered tax revenue from the tax decrease on certain industries. Pink also gave the famous ``Bronze Star" award to his undersecretary of the economy for inventing the ``flush down theory of economics" This now famous theory states that if the captains of industry are not taxed at all, then their massive wealth would spiral down to the masses. In related news Prink actively denied ``sleeping with those women" referring to the bevy of pictures showing scantly clad females in mid frolic with Prink who was wearing only some boxer shorts. Prime Minister Prink then went into a two hour discussion on the nuances and subtleties of the word ``did."

(FEB 6 - 1751): The NIKE party issued a statement denying that the corporate sponsorship and apparent exchange of money for influence had anything to do with the direction of the Netherlands. ``I am sick of this CRAP! This is not a race to the bottom. If that were the case Austria would already rule the world. (smattering of laughter) Look, see the Netherlands is on a course. We are headed on this course and it is in a direction. It's really like a tunnel. YES! a tunnel and we are a train headed for the tunnel. Sure, the tunnel looks dark and scary. (nods of vague understanding by the audience) But the train is headed in a direction. We must stay the course. I feel for the people of the Netherlands. I feel all of your pain. I feel the pain of your daughters and sisters. I am for them and hope that they are for me. I just wish I could council each and every one of them."

(FEB 15 - 1751): Prink announces a cultural exchange program with China. In a rare unguarded moment he was heard to say that he wanted to meet some Asian ``chicks" and that it was his understanding that the Chinese culture had its girls under control.

(FEB 26 - 1751): In his first major address on world affairs < please no cheap shots > Prime Minister Prink made it be known that while the Netherlands will seek to expand its influence throughout the world it seeks to do so in a peaceful way. ``If the world powers will join the Netherlands in a joint erection, we can all come together and find a warm embrace of a piece. Ask not the Netherlands for sacrifice. Ask not the Netherlands to explain the deranged ramblings of the Austrians, but DO ask the Netherlands to share good fortune and good will. If the heads of state engage in anything controversial, let it be of the personal nature, as it should be." (thunderous applause) Thank you and God Bless us everyone."

(LISBON): King of Portugal calls peace conference of all nations for November 1, 1755. He calls psychics predictions of major earthquake for that day ``nonsensical''.

SECRETS: 1999D, Regular Diplomacy


Winter 1900

AUSTRIA (Zarr): has f TRI, a VIE, a BUD.

ENGLAND (Sayers): has a LVP, f LON, f EDI.

FRANCE (Sasseville): has f BRE, a PAR, a MAR.

GERMANY (Pinelli): has f KIE, a MUN, a BER.

ITALY (Dwyer): has f NAP, a ROM, a VEN.

RUSSIA (Trent): has f STP(SC), a MOS, a WAR, f SEV.

TURKEY (Munson): has f ANK, a SMY, a CON.

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Harold Zarr, 215 Glen Drive, Iowa Falls, IA 50126-1957, (515) 648-2821 ($5)

hdzarr of

ENGLAND: Jim Sayers, 15 Holdsworth Street, Woollahra 2025, AUSTRALIA ($10)

100233.513 of

FRANCE: Roland Sasseville, Jr., 38 Bucklin Street, Pawtucket, RI 02861, (401) 722-4029 ($5)

roland6 of

GERMANY: Richard Pinelli, 3042 Cherry Lane, Northbrook, IL 60062, (847) 291-7520 ($5)

drahcir of

ITALY: Luke Dwyer, 49 Middlesex Drive, Slingerlands, NY 12159, (518) 439-5796 ($5)

Ldwyer of

RUSSIA: Chris Trent, 8553 Banff Vista Dr., Elk Grove, CA 95624, (916) 685-7772 ($5)

ChrisT98 of

TURKEY: Scott Munson, PO Box 1042, Gardiner, MT 59030, (406) 848-2102 ($5)

samunson71 of

Game Notes:

1) Conrad von Metzke provides us the Boardman Number above. Thanks very much!!

2) Note Scott Munson's new E-Mail address which is his alone, Luke Dwyer's move to his summer address, and Harold Zarr's E-Mail address.


(HAROLD to GM): What is the $5 in () for? That is this $5 charge?

(GM to EVERYONE): That is your NMR insurance balance! If I have to call you for orders, I take $1 off this balance. When it is gone, I stop calling you. The balance is returned to you at the end of the game. Harold, I offer this service to players from orphaned games for free, which is why you never noticed it before.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: 1999 Arn42, Nuclear Yuppie Evil Empire Diplomacy - Black Hole Variant



Spring 1902

AUSTRIA (Barno): f TRI h, a vie-BOH, a bud-SER, and nukes GM, Kurt Ozog, BUL, TYO, VEN.

ENGLAND (S. Kenny): f lon-WAL, f edi-NWG, a lvp-YOR, and nukes ENG, MID, IRI, BRE(2), SKA.

FRANCE (McCullough): f bre-GAS, a par-BUR, a mar-spa (ann), and nukes RUH, HOL, HEL, DEN, BAL.

GERMANY (Weiss): f kie-bal (ann), a ber-PRU, a mun-ruh (ann), and

nukes BRE(2), PAR, MAR, SPA, POR,

ITALY (Reichert): f nap-APU, a rom-TUS, a ven-tri (ann), and nukes ANK, SMY, CON, SYR, ARM.

RUSSIA (Schultz): f stp(sc)-GOB, a mos-LVN, a war-UKR, f SEV-arm, and

nukes BER, MUN, KIE, one very small nuke on Beale St., San Francisco.

TURKEY (Gardner): f ank-arm (ann), a con-bul (ann), a smy-syr (ann), and

nukes EME, AEG, ION, ADR, WME.

Addresses of the Participants

Sandy Kenny, 23 East Coulter Avenue, Collingswood, NJ 08108-1208

Jody McCullough, 1071 Brown Avenue, Lafayette, CA 94549-3153

jodym of

Richard Weiss, Richard Weiss, 500 Beale St. # 104, San Francisco, CA 94105, (415) 512-7221

rcw of

Sara Reichert, 20805 Margaret, Carson, CA 90745-1224

John Schultz, #19390, W-M11L, Indiana Department of Correction,

Plainfield Correctional Facility, 727 Moon Road, Plainfield, IN 46168-9400

Heath Gardner, 3017 Mayview Road, Raleigh, NC 27607

dweezil of or bassoon of

Mike Barno, 634 Dawson Hill Road, Spencer, NY 14883

mpbarno of

Current Standings

01 02 03 04 05 06 07 TOTAL

Black Holed 15 15 30
Neutral  2  2

Total 34 15 49

Times GM Nuked  1  1  2
Greenland  1  0  1
Iceland  1  0  1
Kurt Ozog  0  1  1
Beale St., SF  0  1  1

Game Notes:

1) I think people are starting to get smart with this game. Unlike last time, there is no way to cross all around the board, except for Jody's army in Burgundy, which sits astride the line between the black hole regions. Also, just one province (Brest) was hit more than once, but we hit precisely the same number of supply centers as in 1901. There are 19 more of those SC's out there for you to vie for. Go to it.


(MIKE to SARA): You are not a vitrioleuse, by the way. Your public and private words have been other than acidic. Sucking up to the GM is your choice but he's more amenable to abuse than flattery, unlike the average pubber. However much of a sucker I may be, though, I cannot let 1901's 100% nukage go without SOME response or I'd lose my deterrent capability in negotiation. But I did order one nuke as you requested.

(SARA-MIKE): O yes, I have already encountered that ``Beware of Switchblade Sara'' stuff in the Cheesecake game ``No Service'' where I am playing Russia. Russ Rusnak (Austria) used the ploy to sucker Paul Milewski (Italy) to stab me for my Turkish dots and Rumania. Russ got 3 SCs and Paul only 1 SC from the stab. We are now up to Spring 1905 and I predict a win for Austria. After which Russ, not me, will be the highest rated Cheesecake player.


(JOHN - SARA): I tried to reply to your suggestions, but apologize for being late. Please try to send it to Mr. Burgess next time, I think it will be faster. I for sure will work with you next year.

(JODY - > JOHN): I meant to try to coordinate something with you, but things have been a little crazy lately and I never got the letter sent. Anyway, I tried to guess some moves which I hope will go well with your moves.

(JOHN-SARA): Funny thing about that press last time. I clearly remember the first two sentences. I remember the last two not at all. One might suspect a Boob malfunction.

(BARNDANCER to HEATHEN): Hope you have better luck in that corner country than I did, or you Dad did in life. See you later on the boob tube.

(DOCTOR RICHARD WEISS >> > MISTER JIM BURGESS): The latest scientific studies show that all mice and rats have cancer.

(JODY - > RICHARD): You want war, you got it.

(GERM-BOOB): Who the Hell would bomb Hell? What is this, a Robin Williams movie?

(JOHN BOY to BOOB): Find 'em.

(SARA-JIM BURGESS): By and large, people who enjoy teaching animals to roll over will find themselves happier with a dog.

(JODY - > BOOB): I'll take chit from anyone! Just don't need it ;-)

(MIKE to JODY): I offer no chits, no tokens, no commemorative medallions, no stone money from Yap in Micronesia, no proxy markers, no casino chips, no flaxscript, no hempscript, no junk bonds, not even Federal Reserve floating paper. Don't know why Jim asked if you'd take any from me.

(BARNOLIAN THINKTANK/DREAMTANK): ``If we fight a war and win it with H-bombs, what history will remember is not the ideals we were fighting for but the methods we used to accomplish them. These methods will be compared to the warfare of Genghis Khan who ruthlessly killed every last inhabitant of Persia." (Hans A. Bethe)

(SANDY - SARA): We Women of the Web have to ally. Sisterhood is Powerful! Sock it to those Hussein Jock-heads.

(SARA-RICHARD): But of course my gynecologist is a woman. A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.

(MOTORCYCLE MANIA - PLAINFIELD): Those new Honda Heads are big. What you got plans for, dude?

(SARA-SANDY): For the record, last movement turn I ordered my army from Prussia to Rumania via Black Holes Baltic Sea, Sweden, Norway, Norwegian Sea, North Sea, Holland, Belgium, English Channel, Mid-Atlantic Ocean, Portugal, Spain, Western Mediterranean, Tunis, Tyrrhenian Sea, Rome, Naples, Ionian Sea, Aegean Sea, Smyrna, Ankara, Constantinople, and Bulgaria. (22 Black Holes traversed, that's not too many.) ((This time, the most Black Holes that any unit can possibly traverse is 21, and I believe there is just ***ONE*** unit which can perform that feat. Any guesses as to which unit that is and who is its commander??))

(MIKE BARNO to KURT OZOG): You should have been more specific when you said you could use five nukes (in ``So Good it Hurts" press). You didn't say whether you wanted them delivered on their launchers full of fuel, or in flight with detonators armed. I figured the latter would be a more effective demonstration of the need to be careful of the little details when dealing with nukes.

(OLD FART to WEISS-GUY): Honoring hobby historical traditions is itself an old hobby historical tradition. Tongue-in-cheek, of course, but done for decades. I don't know if anyone nuked the GM in old nuclear variants (Tretick had one in Le Front de Lib du Dip), but I've been doing it in NYEED (without the Black Hole variation) for a few realtime years now. It just seems so RIGHT when the GM is who he is.

(JODY to BOOB): That message was directed at Heath, not you. And BTW, I don't think I'm in last place, am I? At least not yet, eh!?

(BOOB to JODY AND OLD FART): Uh.... well... I guess you're right.

(SARA-HEATH): Whatever happened to Naima Equinox? The deadline was supposed to be 5 March, and I still have not received it as of 16 May. Do you still want me to be on the standby list for the regular diplomacy game (assuming it ever got underway)? ((In late breaking news, just as publication was wrapping up, the esteemed Mr. Gardner notified me and others that he was preparing to resume publication. He had been having severe financial cashflow problems that prevented him from having enough funds to publish. I guess you missed that announcement awhile back? He also wondered whether he was gone long enough that he had to come up with a new name and start all over at issue #1!!!! I told him he didn't have to do that, but he might, just to warn everyone.))

COME AND HAVE A GO (If You Think You're Hard Enough): 1998 V, Diplomacy



Spring 1902

AUSTRIA (Pollard): a vie-BOH, a bud-SER, f GRE h, a gal-WAR, a RUM S a bud-ser.

ENGLAND (Tallman): f LON S f bel-nth, f bel-NTH, f NWG-nwy, a yor-EDI.

FRANCE (Morris): a par-BUR, f eng-MID, a spa-MAR, a PIC S a par-bur.

GERMANY (Sayers): f kie-HEL, a MUN h, f HOL S a ruh-bel, a DEN h, a ruh-BEL.

ITALY (Munson): f nap-TYH, f tun-WES, a tus-PIE, a ven-TYO.

RUSSIA (Dwyer): f stp(nc)-NWY, f SWE S f stp(nc)-nwy, a UKR-mos, a FIN S f stp(nc)-nwy.

TURKEY (Barno): a CON-sev, a SMY-con, f BLA C a con-sev, a SEV-mos, a BUL h.

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Kent Pollard, 1541 W. San Jose, Fresno, CA 93711 ($4)

ENGLAND: Terry Tallman, 3805 SW Lake Flora Road, Port Orchard, WA 98367, (360) 874-0386 ($5)

terryt of

FRANCE: Scott Morris, 12110 Shelbyville Rd., Louisville, KY 40243 ($5)

Scottm221 of

GERMANY: Jim Sayers, 15 Holdsworth Street, Woollahra 2025, AUSTRALIA ($10)

100233.513 of

ITALY: Scott Munson, PO Box 1042, Gardiner, MT 59030, (406) 848-2102 ($5)

samunson71 of

RUSSIA: Luke Dwyer, 49 Middlesex Drive, Slingerlands, NY 12159, (518) 439-5796

Ldwyer of

TURKEY: Mike Barno, 634 Dawson Hill Road, Spencer, NY 14883 ($5)

mpbarno of

Game Notes:

1) Note that Scott Munson has a new E-Mail address of his very own and note that Luke has moved to his summer address.


(PALACE OF GLORY AND GILDED HOOKAHS to DUAL MONARCHY IN CALI EXILE): The Russian northern build caused me to change my order. Whichever of us was not blocked should next support the move that was blocked by the Ukrainian battalion, if any.

(SKYWALKER to ALL): I apologize about the lack of communication. I am not used to working 40 hours a week (which is not even all that much to begin with) and I have gotten real lazy. I will get better.

(FROM ROME): The Italian people are in mourning today, due to the passing of Pope Pervert the II (a.k.a. the Pacifist Pope). The Pope was found early this morning on ``the Throne." It appears that he was assassinated with a case of bacon and several pounds of Brie cheese. The assassin, obviously realizing the Pope's gluttonous appetite, shipped the case of dead swine from an address in Vienna. It now appears his Holiness polished off the bacon and cheese sometime last night. While trying to ``pass a block to make more room for nibbles,äs the Pope would say, it appears kindly Pope Pervert strained to the point of having a major stroke or brain aneurysm. Only after an autopsy can the people know for sure. The autopsy is planned for later in the week, if the Pope can be removed from the porcelain fixture.

A ``Man of Gawd," going by the name of Guido, has taken over the holy duties until further notice. Guido is at the moment making a fortune off of his ``Porky Pontiff on the Potty" and ``Kill a Pig for Christ" T-shirts. When asked about his T-shirt shop and the rather tacky best selling shirts, his reply, after a long drag on his Chesterfield King, was ``I listen ta what Gawd tells me... ya know?" He then slugged down the last of his bottle of vino and turned back to his domino game.

(ENGLAND to RUSSIA, FRANCE AND GERMANY): Buddies? Sort of like Matthau, Lemmon, Loren and Margaret.

(OTTOMAN GRAND COUNCIL to RASPUTIN'S CHAMBERBOY): We are not yet convinced that you can meet your claim of handling our leader diplomatically.

(NUMBER 10 DOWNER STREET): I am in the midst of a change of jobs this month and the little time I spend worrying about Dip has mostly vaporized. And of course you, my many friends, are obviously so consumed.

(MIKE to LUKE): Kick ass on your finals then give this game some attention so we can enjoy it more even if you still end up being overrun.

SO GOOD IT HURTS: 1998 P, Regular Diplomacy



Fall 1902

AUSTRIA (K. Ozog): a VIE-tyo, f GRE-ion, a TRI-ven, a ser-alb (d r:bud,otb).

ENGLAND (James): f nwg-NWY, f IRI-mid, f ENG C GERMAN a bel-bre, f nwy-SWE,

a PIC S GERMAN a bel-bre.

FRANCE (Dwyer): f MID C a bre-por, a SPA h, a bre-POR.

GERMANY (Goesle): a MUN-sil, a BER-pru, f KIE-bal, f DEN S ENGLISH f nwy-swe,

a bel-BRE, a gas-MAR.

ITALY (Rauterberg): a VEN-tri, f ION h (uno), f tun-WES, a TYO S a ven-tri,

a ALB S TURKISH a bul-ser, f gre-ion (nsu).

RUSSIA (Rusnak): a WAR-sil, a STP-swe (imp), f swe-bal (d r:fin,gob,otb), f sev-BLA,

a PRU S a war-sil, a RUM S AUSTRIAN a ser (otm).

TURKEY (Emmert): f AEG S ITALIAN f ion-gre (nso), f ank-CON, a bul-SER, a con-BUL.

Supply Center Chart

AUSTRIA (K. Ozog): vie,bud,tri,gre (has 3 or 4, bld 1(r:otb) or even)
ENGLAND (James): lon,lvp,edi,bel,nwy,swe (has 5, bld 1)
FRANCE (Dwyer): par,spa,por (has 3, even)
GERMANY (Goesle): ber,kie,mun,den,hol,mar,bre (has 6, bld 1)
ITALY (Rauterberg): rom,ven,nap,tun (has 5, rem 1)
RUSSIA (Rusnak): mos,war,sev,stp,rum (has 5 or 6, even(r:otb) or rem 1)
TURKEY (Emmert): ank,smy,con,bul,ser (has 4, bld 1)
Neutral: none (Total=34)

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Kurt Ozog, 391 Wilmington Drive, Bartlett, IL 60103, 630-837-2813

kozog of

ENGLAND: Drew James, 8356 Radian Path, Baldwinsville, NY 13027-9357, (315) 652-1956 ($5)

dkbn of

FRANCE: Luke Dwyer, 49 Middlesex Drive, Slingerlands, NY 12159, (518) 439-5796 ($4)

Ldwyer of

GERMANY: Warren Goesle, 3907 Cedar Ridge, #1B, Indianapolis, IN 46235 ($5)

ITALY: Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Dr., Greenfield, WI 53221, (414) 281-2339 ($5)

prosit of

RUSSIA: Russ Rusnak, 1551 Highridge Avenue, Westchester, IL 60154-3428 ($5)

TURKEY: Steve Emmert, 1752 Grey Friars Chase, Virginia Beach, VA 23456-5436, (757) 471-1842 ($5)

Lse of or semmert of

Game Notes:

1) Note that Luke has moved back to his summer address.

2) Note the large number of ``miswritten'' orders. I use the following abbreviations in my adjudications: otm = on the move; nso = no such order; nsu = no such unit; uno = unordered; and imp = impossible. I actually got to use all five of them just once in the above adjudication.


(TURKEY to BLACK SEA FISHES): Please tell me if there's a Russian fleet on top of the water. If there is, the sharks among you can get ready for blood in the water.

(ROME to VIENNA): You see, the problem is that all your neighbors need builds, and your dots just happen to be the only source for such commodities. ((Somehow, I don't think he lost as many as you thought he would...))

(VENICE to MOSCOW): Now behave yourself, and maybe we'll let you live.... ((Big men talk like this when they are on the verge of removals.))

(LAWYER to ARSONIST): Hey, Goz, you burned down any more of your neighbors' buildings? I guess it makes for a more scenic view once those ugly buildings are out of the way. And it makes such a pretty fire . . .

(GERMANY to GM): I'll have you know my Grammar spell-checks everything I send out. Of course, the old girl's eyesight isn't what it used to be...

(BOOB to GERM): Funny like a Germ.... lucky for you I love bad puns. Are you also admitting how expert you are on the bordering provinces to Yorkshire?? Seems I saw something in your subszine..... would you have turned in your fellow player? Say it ain't so, War.... ren.

(GERMANY to LAST SEASON'S GERMANY): We should do lunch some time.

(SPORTS MUSINGS FROM CENTRAL INDIANA): My predictions for Major League Baseball for the next 10 years: (1) The Brewers, Reds, Pirates, Expos, Royals, A's, and Twins will not win another playoff game until the revenue structure of MLB changes. (2) I won't enjoy watching baseball with athletes older than 10 until that happens.

((I would agree with you on your baseball comments, except my two favorite teams (the Red Sox and Giants) are competing despite not being among the really powerful teams. As long as the Orioles stay in last place, I'll cheer.))

The Orioles have only proved that spending a lot of money doesn't guarantee success (in fact, they do that a lot of years...I suspect a real idiot in the owner's box). The teams I listed prove that NOT spending a lot of money guarantees failure.

Additionally, there are a number of teams, my beloved Cubs included, that can only afford to compete in 1 year of every 4, and that's with them in the poorest (money-wise) division in baseball. San Diego and Florida are 2 others in this category. They had their successful years ('98 and '97 respectively) and then had a fire sale. They'll hope to save up for another run early next decade. I'm sure their fans are all a-twitter over that.

The Red Sox and Giants might hold on for a wild-card entry each. But the money says `no'. There was a list in the paper yesterday of the 79 players that make $5M+ in MLB. 56 of those play for only 10 of the 30 teams. Phooey. ((Red Sox are looking good, but at the expense of ANY suspense in the American League. They may be joined by the Yanks, Indians, and Rangers in clinching playoff spots by the All Star Break. The Giants have been slipping..... heal fast, Barry!!))

(VIRGINIA BEACH to PROVIDENCE): Is it just me, or are you repeating press items?

(BOOB to EMMERT): It's probably just you.

(VIRGINIA BEACH to PROVIDENCE): Is it just me, or are you repeating press items?

(BOOB to EMMERT): It's probably true.

(UTTERLY, COMPLETELY FEARLESS HOCKEY PREDICTION): Toronto over Dallas in the finals. Maybe.

(BOOB to EMMERT): You're probably blue.

(YOUNG LUKE to YOUNG ANAKIN): Dad! I never knew you weren't so damned ugly! Glad I finally got to see this movie; now I feel like I really know you.

(BOOB to EMMERT): He's probably you.

(AUSTRIA - TURKEY): Not sure if my e-mails are getting through to your new address. But feel free to throw any war secrets my way. There's always room for diplomacy and propaganda.

(BOOB to EMMERT): It's probably new.

(TURKEY to AUSTRIA): Now, calm down. This isn't our real army going to Serbia. These are just the lawyers, here to do a title search on the supply center, to see if you REALLY own it.

(BOOB to EMMERT): It's probably yours.

(SKYWALKER to ALL): I apologize about the lack of communication. It is mainly due to hecticness, not because I am slowly dying.

(BOOB to EMMERT): It's probably your breath.




Turn 8

- S - P - R - I - N - T - - F - I - N - I - S - H - - L - I - N - E -
80 (replenish with a 9): Kenny McCormick(Breaking Away A Bit Less!)
79 (no replenishment): Empty
78 (no replenishment): Empty
77 (no replenishment): Empty
76 (no replenishment): Empty
75 (no replenishment): Empty
74 (no replenishment): Empty
73 (no replenishment): Empty
72 (no replenishment): Empty
71 (replenish with a 3): Alfred the Great
70 (no replenishment): Empty
69 (no replenishment): Empty
68 (no replenishment): Empty
67 (no replenishment): Empty
66 (no replenishment): Empty
65 (no replenishment): Empty
64 (no replenishment): Empty
63 (no replenishment): Empty
62 (no replenishment): Empty
61 (no replenishment): Empty
60 (no replenishment): Empty
59 (no replenishment): Empty
58 (no replenishment): Empty
57 (replenish with a 3): Shemp, Curly, Bernard Spoke, Kyle Broslofski, Larry,
Broke Leg Meg, Chasin' Jason
56 (replenish with a 10): Flopsy
55 (replenish with an 11): John Logie-Baird
54 (replenish with a 12): Peter, Christoph Wheelhub, Eric Cartman
53 (replenish with a 15): Cottontail, Moe, Alessandro Cyclotron
52 (replenish with a 18): Sir Isaac Newton, Stan Marsh, Mopsy
51 (replenish with a 21): Shane the Chain
50 (no replenishment): Empty
49 (replenish with a 3): Barkin' Larkin'
48 (replenish with a 4): Damon Velodrome
47 (no replenishment): Empty
46 (no replenishment): Empty
45 (no replenishment): Empty
44 (no replenishment): Empty
43 (no replenishment): Empty
42 (no replenishment): Empty
41 (no replenishment): Empty
- S - P - R - I - N - T - - F - I - N - I - S - H - - L - I - N - E -
40 (no replenishment): Empty
39 (replenish with a 3): Will Shakespeare

Addresses of the Participants - Their Team and Their Cards

TEAM 1 (Farmer McGregor's Dinner): Eric Brosius, 53 Bird Street, Needham MA 02492

(0 points) 72060.1540 of CompuServe.COM

A: Flopsy 7 7 6 10
B: Mopsy 18 6 9
C: Cottontail 4 15 7
D: Peter 4 12 18

TEAM 2 (Chef's Crackers): Rick Desper, Bergheimer Strasse 114, 69115 Heidelberg, GERMANY

(4 points) rick_desper of or desper of

Coach is, of course, Chef
A: Stan Marsh (aka the Star Quarterback) 6 7 18 9
B: Kyle Broslofski (aka the Lonely Jew) 3 12 4
C: Kenny McCormick (aka the Pov) 9 4 3
D: Eric Cartman (aka the FatAss) 12 6 6

TEAM 3 (Goz Transportation Co.): Warren Goesle, 3907 Cedar Ridge, #1B, Indianapolis, IN 46235

(8 points) gozcorp of

A: Alessandro Cyclotron 3 3 3 15
B: Bernard Spoke 3 8 4
C: Christoph Wheelhub 6 12 9
D: Damon Velodrome 5 4 3

TEAM 4 (Brit Pack): John Harrington, 1 Churchbury Close, Enfield, Middlesex, EN1 3UW UK

(4 points) johnh of

A: Alfred the Great 3 4 7 9
B: Sir Isaac Newton 18 4 6
C: Will Shakespeare 3 3 3
D: John Logie-Baird 15 11 9

TEAM 5 (The Stoogecycles): David Partridge, 15 Elmer Drive, Nashua, NH 03062-1722

(23 points) rebhuhn of

A: Curly 3 8 4
B: Larry 3 7 4
C: Moe 15 4 3
D: Shemp 3 3 7

TEAM 6 (The Flat Wheel Society): John Schultz, #19390, W-M11L, Indiana Department of Correction,

(0 points) Plainfield Correctional Facility, 727 Moon Road, Plainfield, IN 46168-9400

A: Broke Leg Meg 4 3 9
B: Shane the Chain 4 21 10
C: Barkin' Larkin' 3 4 4
D: Chasin' Jason 7 3 7

Game Notes:

1) Since I like this game and am learning how to do this and have to put my new knowledge to good use, I will start another game. I'll keep the sign-up list here so that interested parties will see it as they peruse the szine. All games will start when they have precisely six players and for the moment I will keep the game opening list always on. This game will continue to be free, like Nuclear Yuppie Evil Empire. Currently in line for the next game (to be Version 2.3) are: Luke Dwyer, David Partridge, Rick Desper, Eric Brosius, John Schultz, Warren Goesle, John Harrington all have expressed interest in this game. Plus I am interested in playing. I was going to run this one, but David has volunteered to run a game in Tinamou, so I'm going to let David start his game first, Then I'll come back and start another signup list here after that. I am claiming GM and publisher perogative to be in the game. Others from the above list that want to be in David's game, please contact David. He will notify me when that game is full. David plans to use Version 2.3 of the rules that restricts breakaways.

2) I just have to comment on this one..... biggest card loss move of the turn award goes to Broke Leg Meg on the TFWS team who played his 15 to jump into the pack lead, which only replenishes him a 3. Had he played his 9 instead, he would have tucked in right behind that pack and replenished with a 20!!! That's a loss of 17. In a partial save of the day move, Broke helped his teammate Shane the Chain score the big 21, tops for the turn!!! BLACK JACK!!! Damon and Barkin' lost the big pickup and may join Will in being dropped from the pack. Lastly, here's some more great press, leading with the Cracker Recap:


(CRACKERS): Kenny plays his 13 (of course) and races to the second Sprint finish line. The question we now face: it is now clear that Kenny will cross the second sprint line before Shakespeare crosses the first one. Can we drop Shakespeare now? He's mathematically eliminated. ((No, even if he stops submitting orders, I will keep moving him. It's in the rules that I can do that.)) Kyle thinks about playing the 4 or the 12, but plays the 3 instead. Stan thinks about playing his 7, to pull in behind Kyle, but decides instead to play his 3, hoping to score a big card. ((Yeah, I suppose that's pretty big.)) Eric plays his 5, hoping also to score a big card. He might, however, get another 6. If he does this, he will get no only Zero Variance, but will also be the Most Predictable Rider in the Game. ((Double those 6's for a 12!)) There could be a big pack of riders from 58 to 51. More likely, from 57 to 51. Somehow, I don't think it will happen. ((Nope, it happened... it happened... ))

(STOOGES - BOOB): Well, I definitely don't like this rule that gives the breaking away bonus multiple times, so I'll drop that one. I can see the logic in a max of 15, so for the moment looks like I'm leaning towards using Version 2.3. Are there any other changes? One I'm considering adding would be to not publish the original cards. Since everyone could track the ones we get I'll publish them and save people the trouble, but keep the originals secret. I'll also go with either every other TAP deadlines, or do it every TAP to keep it moving. I'm going to open it up this time so you can get a chance to play.

(WHOEVER - FIELD): When did any British show ever look as good as the Stooges? I refer the honourable (sic) gentleman to the Ministry of Silly Walks and the Fish Slapping Face Dance from Monty Python. MY MUM loved the Stooges and hated the Marx Brothers (which always astonished me), which blows your theory of women uniformly hating the Stooges. Personally I think Roscoe Arbuckle could have eaten the Stooges for breakfast and beaten all 4 in a custard pie throwing contest. It was said that Arbuckle could simultaneously throw two custard pies in different directions with uncanny accuracy, and let's face it, the Stooges would not have the wit to duck!

(STOOGES - BOOB): Actually, I'm not really a fan of the Stooges, just needed a name. There are a couple of funny episodes, but I can't take a lot of them.

(WHOEVER - FIELD): The real question is not why men like the Stooges, but why women don't? A roommate of mine once looked into this question. He asked his brother's wife what the difficulty was. Her comment was something to the effect of ``and who's going to clean up the mess afterwards?"

(MOE - WORLD): Someone put a stick in the rest of those Cracker's wheels, Kenny's going to get enough points for all of them.

(BUNNIES-FIELD): We've decided to rename our team ``Les Tortoises'' and play our lowest cards this Turn.

(CHEF - BOOB): We can hardly answer the question ``Who killed Kenny?" when Kenny's not dead yet, can we? Look, see him out on the race track? He's zooming away, happy as a clam!

(FLOPSY-WORLD): I keep trying for that fourth seven, but it keeps eluding me! I'm going to try some double-think this time and ditch one of my sevens.

(CHEF - FLOPSY): Good work, but you got another 6. Better luck this time!

(FLOPSY-BARD): If you will just play your four, you could take the lead in the contest for lowest standard deviation.

(TFWS - DESIGNER): As you can see, I risked it, and Damon played my song, but no one else played along. At least I'm starting to think like you, 'cept now all bets are off. I'm getting left behind.

(GOZ to TFWS): Would you get UP here!!!

(BUNNIES-TFWS): I was not trying to deceive you. I think what happened is that, due to the mail delay, you responded on the Turn after the one I was requesting cooperation on. I apologize for the confusion.

(DAMON VELODROME to PETER AND ALFRED): I think it's up to you guys. Are you going after Kenny or not?

(FARMER MAC-GOZ): That's why engineers invented computers-so they don't have to count!

(GOZ TRANSPORTATION QUARTERLY REPORT to THE PARENT COMPANY, GOZ & CO., INC): Profits off $3M last quarter. A breakup of the company seems in order. We propose giving golden parachutes to the directors, hiring several efficiency experts, and getting Microsoft to buy us out.

(CHEF - JOHN LOGIE-BAIRD): As you see, I can properly hyphenate your name. Not bad for a cook in an elementary school cafeteria, eh? Do you find it ironic that the Stooges are seen more often on television than, say, your teammate, William Shakespeare?

(CHRISTOPH WHEELHUB to WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE): Since you're a writer, and apparently don't have anything better to do, how about coming up with an ending for this script other than what appears to be in the works?

(VEGAS - TFWS): The 50:1 odds were generous. You have no points yet and most of your riders are in the back. And the current ``who gets dropped next" board only has two names on it: Barkin' Larkin and Damon Velodrome. Even though you have two riders who have decent cards, they would have to use those cards just to get back into the middle. And being in the middle doesn't score any points.

New Vegas Odds:

Winning next sprint:

(off board)

Finishing in money, next sprint:

Kenny: (off board)

Alfred: 1:100

Peter: 1:50

John Logie-Baird: 1:50

Kyle: 2:1

Flopsy: 4:1

Stan: 4:1

Jason: 6:1

Meg: 5:1

Shane: 6:1

Christoph Wheelhub: 9:1

Mopsy: 8:1

Eric Cartman: 15:1

Odds the Stooges get 0 points this stage: 1:4 (as in you put down $4, and get only $1 if the stooges get 0 points) (not accepting any bets from abusive short men with bad haircuts)

Winning race:

Kenny: 1:20

Anybody else: 10:1

Winning Team:

Chef's Crackers: 2:1

Stooges: 5:2

Brits: 3:1

Anybody Else: 10:1

We were rightly criticized for overstating the odds for GT & Co. Since there was no action at 4:1, we've raised the stakes.

The action on the Brits was a bit too heavy, so the line has dropped. We still think that the Brits suffer badly in a few respects:

1) The Stooges are 19 points ahead of them

2) They let Kenny run away

3) Newton's cards are not very good

4) Shakespeare has been dropped

Even if Alfred and Logie-Baird grab #2 and #3 in this stage, the Brits will still be behind the Stooges. And quite probably, they will have to blow their good cards to do so. They will ride the entire last stage behind the Stooges, and with only 3 riders to the 4 riders the other two competitive teams have.


Bart Simpson walks in, walks to the counter. As he is coming in, two teenagers wearing long gray trenchcoats are wheeling out two carts filled with guns and ammo piled high.

Tough kid: we'll come back for the rest later.

(They leave)

Jimbo: Oh, those Littleton kids, they just love high-quality weaponry.

Bart: Hi there, do you have any high-power rifles with laser scopes?

Jimbo: We sure do. Hey, wait a minute, are you old enough to buy these things?

Bart: (pulls out ID, hands to Jimbo)

Jimbo: Hmm...Santos L. Helper. Born in 1953. Well, I'm glad to be of service, Mr. Helper. But those Littleton kids cleaned us right out. But, hold on a second, I've got one weapon left. I call it the ``Oswald". (Jimbo hands a simple, old-fashioned marine rifle to Bart).

Bart: Well, I guess that will have to do. I've got some, um, hunting to do.

(SCENE 2): (end of second Sprint finish. A huge crowd has gathered. A large sign states ``Kathie Lee Gifford welcoms the heroic racers of South Park") (Bart walks in, gun strapped to his tiny back)

Bart: Excuse me, officer, is there somewhere I can get a good shot, um, view of the finish line?

Officer Barbrady: Well, the view from the Book Depository is pretty good.

Bart: Thanks, officer! (walks off)

(Chef drives up) Chef: Officer Barbrady, we have reason to believe there's a maniac with a rifle who wants to take a shot at the race leader! Have you seen anybody?

(Barbrady thinks hard. Real hard.)

Barbrady's thoughts: The book depository would be nice. Depository. Depository. Depository.

Barbrady: Sorry Chef, I have no idea. Haven't seen anybody.

Chef: Well, thanks anyway!

(SCENE 3): (the book depository) (Bart has a snug position by a high window)

Bart: Die, McCormick, Die!

(Kenny appears from over the hill, blazing away as his ramjet gains speed)

Bart: I've got you, McCormick!

(A shot rings out. Bart looks startled, what's this? He hasn't pulled the trigger yet.)

(From another window) Mr. Garrison: Kathie Lee, I've got you now! (Garrison fires three more times.)

(The shots riccochet off Kathie Lee's protective glass bubble. One hits Kenny, who promptly dies. A security team swarms in and carries Kathie Lee to safety. Rats start nibbling on Kenny's corpse. Then the Mir space station falls on him. He is quite flat.)

Bart: Banzai!!

FEAR AND WHISKEY: 1998Ers31, Modern Diplomacy


Winter 1998

BRITAIN (Schultz): bld f lon; has f LON, f NWG, a LAP, f NOR, a AUV, f SWE, f POR, f BOR, f MAO.

EGYPT (J. O'Donnell): bld a ale; has a ALE, f LIB, a MAC, a ANA, f ALG, a GEO, f EME.

GERMANY (Rauterberg): bld f ber, a mun, a fra, a ham; has f BER, a MUN, a FRA, a HAM,

a PRU, a SIL, a WAR, a KRA, a LYO, a MAR, f GDA, a PAR, f BAL, a SLO.

ITALY (Ozog): bld a nap; has a NAP, a VEN, f TYS, a AUS, f ION, a MON, f LIG, a SER, f ALB.

POLAND (Sasseville): R f bal otb; rem a pod; has a BIE, a LIT.

RUSSIA (Goranson): bld f mur; has f MUR, a MOS, a STP, a FIN.

SPAIN (S. O'Donnell): has a GIB, a NAV, f SAO, a BAR, a MAD.

TURKEY (Pollard): has a KAZ, a ANK, a IST, a AZE, f AEG, a GRE.

UKRAINE (Partridge): rem a ode; has f EBS, a ROS, a KIE, f WBS, a CAU, a RUM, a BUL.

Addresses of the Participants

BRITAIN: John Schultz, #19390, W-M11L, Indiana Department of Correction,

Plainfield Correctional Facility, 727 Moon Road, Plainfield, IN 46168-9400

EGYPT: Jeff O'Donnell, 402 Middle Ave., Elyria, OH 44035-5728, (440) 322-2920 ($4)

FRANCE: Harry Andruschak, PO Box 5309, Torrance, CA 90510-5309, (310) 835-9202 ($5)

GERMANY: Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Dr., Greenfield, WI 53221, (414) 281-2339 (E-Mail)

prosit of

ITALY: Eric Ozog, PO Box 1138, Granite Falls, WA 98252-1138, (360) 691-4264 ($5)

ElfEric of

POLAND: Roland Sasseville, Jr., 38 Bucklin Street, Pawtucket, RI 02861, (401) 722-4029 ($5)

roland6 of

RUSSIA: Rich Goranson, 10 Hertel Avenue #208, Buffalo, NY 14207-2532, (716) 876-9374 ($3)

ForlornH of

SPAIN: Sean O'Donnell, 126 S. Park, Oberlin, OH 44074, (440) 774-2928 ($5)

TURKEY: Kent Pollard, 1541 W. San Jose, Fresno, CA 93711 ($10)

UKRAINE: Dave Partridge, 15 Elmer Drive, Nashua, NH 03062-1722, (603) 882-3523 ($8)

rebhuhn of

Game Notes:

1) Check out the Modern Dip web page at: Cyberia/modern.htm


(THE MEKONS QUOTE OF THE MONTH): ``My head hurts, get off, get off me; Get off with a pile of girls; Shag pile's best; The best a man can get....'' From ``Tourettes'' on Me - see review above.

(ANDRUSCHAK-GM): Well, I am back from my vacation to China, and I can only hope to somehow find the time to do a complete report. But in brief... it was wonderful, somewhat expensive at $300/night, full of adventure (want some Chinese toilets stories?), ((Well, I've heard them from others....)) full of history, and packed with fascinating encounters with the Chinese people. But just a tidbit should do here. On my first day in China, 18 April, I walked to the Beijing Zoo with a friend, and we had a chance to see the pandas. Two adult pandas and two baby pandas. I remember the excitement of the Chinese when the keeper rolled out the two babies. Now, I don't speak or understand a single word of Chinese, yet I bet I can accurately translate the comments of the crowd: ``ooo, aren't they CUTE?, ``how sweet'', ``how adorable'' etc. etc. etc. because on a cuteness scale of 1 to 10, baby pandas are a solid 10. In response, the baby pandas tried to roll up and go back to sleep. The adult pandas slept all the time we were there. Not exactly an active animal.

I should mention that everyone wore western style clothing, not a Mao jacket to be seen during the entire trip. ((They make so many of the western clothes there, why wouldn't they decide they should wear them too????)) Nor did I see a single tank, jeep, soldier, militia, or anything else of a military nature. Walking the streets of any city in China, even as obvious tourists, was a heck of a lot safer than walking in any american city as far as crime went, although you did have to watch out for pickpockets and petty theft. But the traffic was just awful, and crossing any street was a life or death affair for both Chinese and tourists.

Even worse was the air pollution. Far far worse than Los Angeles. More like London in 1957 when I was growing up and they were just making the transition from coal to coke. The air of Beijing is laden with coal dust, and anybody with any kind of breathing problem must stay away from China for the next few years.

(SEAN-JEFF): Religion was taken out of schools because they couldn't discriminate against the other religions without getting nailed with freedom of religion. Like Voodoo with Christian or Satanic worship. Besides for my age group and lower it can be more deadly than for a soldier in Vietnam if you get targeted by a gang or member. There is no such thing as take prisoners on the street. There are many gangs to worry about. Folk Fallow our lord king satan, Blood be loyal or otherwise die, Vice Lord, Crypt former part of Folk, and Spurs which its ritual is gang rape not to beat you to a pulp. As it is you got to worry about discrimination of sex, color, and cops i.e. in a area I lived at one point a dead cop was worth more then heroin and now you want to bring religion into the fry of an already complex system of teen hood. Sorry, but if that ever passes I'll never send any of my kids to school because safety is already bad? Why make things more dangerous? I'm sorry, but praying for a miracle doesn't happen. This is like you and Gail in high school. You didn't get messed up because you were their pitcher. These days the school year ends or you tick them off enough, they'll beat you up in school or at the end of the year when you're not a pitcher for them anymore.

(UNBELIEVING ANDRUSCHAK-JEFF O'DONNELL): It would have been nice if, 40 years ago, because of Christian prayers in school, there was no violence in schools. Now ask any Jewish kid from that era what it was like to be beaten up on a regular basis because he was descended from Christ-killers''. Jewish kids did not usually join in The Lord's Prayer, and as such became targets. Ask any kid with brains what it was like to be regularly beaten up by school bullies. Ask a lot of kids from 40 years ago what it was like to be beaten up by school bullies. By the way, I had NO idea that Richard Nixon was a Democrat, in spite of his foreign policy disaster of Vietnam. OK, I will admit that it was not Nixon's fault that Eisenhower supported the French in Indo-China in the 1950's. Come to think of it, Eisenhower has good claims to be a Democrat, if you consider his foreign policy disaster of Hungary in 1956.

(PAUL to JEFF): Don't give me this crap about prayer in schools being the solution to teen violence. I ceased believing in God when I was 16 years old; since that time, I haven't even slapped or slugged another human being (I only struck my DOG once, when she had a neighbor's poodle in her jaws and was about to chomp down).

Okay, so maybe I'm just better educated that the next; I spent my teen years reading Gandhi instead of the Bible, and listening to John Lennon's songs instead of some priests' sermons. A good dose of Anti-Vietnam War sentiment helped to hone and mature my pacifist leanings.

But Jim-Bob has the point: the fact that I had two parents united in one home for all my formative years did a lot to teach me right from wrong. One of them was always there and did keep an eye on me and my brothers; to give helpful nudges here and there when they seemed needed.

We were spanked as children. That caused no lasting trauma. We were allowed to play with toy guns as kids; that didn't lead me (or any of my three brothers) to favor real guns. We never had access to firearms in our home. As high schoolers, we discovered how to make gunpowder and even built home firecrackers: we never threw them at one another, or used them to damage property (okay, a few anthills were fried and/or blown to smithereens along the way).

In my late teens, I was fond of Dungeons and Dragons, Lord of the Rings, and even Conan the Barbarian. Somehow, I never tied that crap in with real life; I had been taught the difference between real and make believe. It was never that hard a lesson to learn.

People like yourself have to learn these truths, which can indeed be ``self-evident." Prayer doesn't make for solid citizens, although it is true that some great people do pray. Let them internalize whatever there is to learn from it, if that is the only way for them to handle life and its complications.

One solution doesn't fit all, but a solid family life seemed to work well for me.

(ANDRUSCHAK-WORLD): Somebody asked about a certain incident in a past NYEED game. Since I was there, I can tell you what happened. It was David Wang, and nobody else, who as Russia nuked his own four SCs/ This came to be known as the ``David Wang Lemming Offensive''. To keep the record straight, it should be noted that David's actions were due to a mis-reading of the rules of this variant, the sort of thing that can happen to any player. However, most such mis-readings do not result in such a heavy punishment. ((I don't know, I never did figure out the sense of his misreading, to any degree. I thought he WAS trying to blow up all of his own centers, knowing it was not going to help him win, but then just thought BECAUSE he was blowing up all of his centers, he needn't bother moving his four units because they were destined to blow up too. Of course, that is wrong, nukes blow up AFTER the spring moves. It still is quite nutty, then.))

(UKRAINE - > BRITAIN): Almost as much fun as you and Spain are having. I notice an Egyptian fleet coming that way, think it's a coincidence that he's always around the hot spots?

(FRANCE-ITALY): Congratulations on being the ONLY player to write me the last few turns. Such kindness is appreciated.

(WORFSKI, SON OF MOGHSKI to WORLD): Today is a good day to die. We demand our legal rights of ``bortaS DIB" (Klingon Way pg 121)

(P-U OR PEW): It was all my fault, I know I attacked the wrong one. Best of luck.

(TONIGHT ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL!): The inside story on World Championship Wrestling's new line of colognes for men. They actually don't smell like anything, you just pretend they stink. Followed by National Geographic's ``Stark Naked Fat Guys at the Beach'' and ``Wildflowers of the Antarctic''! (We got there, there weren't any, but we made a show about it anyway.)

(G to S AND B): Hey, if you guys don't WANT Mor, you could combine to convoy one of our armies there. We'd take it....

(HARRY ANDRUSCHAK-JIM BURGESS): First it was three weeks in Turkey. Then two weeks sailing the Caribbean. Then three weeks in China. Not only has all this globe trotting caused me to neglect this game of Modern Diplomacy, it has caused me to neglect GM abuse. You may, of course, omit the following example if you feel that it is not appropriate for your szine, or that most of the TAP readership has never read Shakespeare's King Lear. ((Oh, no, I wouldn't miss this for the world....))

(KENT OF CORNWALL-GM): Thou art a knave, a rascal, an eater of broken meats; a base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave; a lily livered, action-taking knave; a whoreson, glass-gazing, super-serviceable finical rogue; a one-trunk inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a bawd in way of good service, art nothing but composition of a knave, a begger, coward, pander, and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch; one whom I will beat into a clamorous whining if thou deniest the least syllable of thy addition.

(COACH G to STUDENT P): No, no-you don't oversupport an attack on ONE center, and just ignore three others. That is very costly. And you don't order your supports from positions where they are most likely to be cut. Cutting supports leads directly to cutting throats: I know that.

(POLAND-WORLD): Attack Germany and end the rise of the fourth reich before it gets out of control.

(P-S): Damn Brits betrayed our ambassadors and probably deserve to pay too, but Germans deserve it more.

(ASSOCIATED PRESS BERLIN): Bitter Poles decry the ``coming ethnic cleansing" of their homeland, at the hands of the Greater German Reich. Babies. They cite as evidence recent remodelling of Polish trenches between Lithuania and Latvia, now replete with shag carpets and halogen lighting, as being ``nothing strong hints that the Poles are expected to crawl to Moscow and StPetersburg like animals." The Greater Reichministry scornfully retorted: ``They are getting more than they deserve. We are allowing them all Winter to gather their belongings and begin to move out. Permanently. Any Poles still found in the regions of Lithuania and Bielorussia this coming Spring will be summarily executed. Bottom line."

(FRANCONIA to BARCELONA): How are your shipyards going to have room to operate in the future, if your coastal regions are still occupied by useless land troops?

(DAVE - ERIC): It's not the triple flip, it's the double twist that keeps it interesting. I think we need to get you an ``Ally of the day" board so we can keep it straight.

(SPAIN): Who's with me?

(BRITAIN-SPAIN): Fight the good fight, m'man. And while you're at it, look up Patrick Henry.

(???): Polish ambassadors were again confused at the rantings of Premier Roland. Apparently his grip on reality has slipped to the point where he's communicating with spirits from other dimensions. ``We're real confused," said one ambassador, who wished that his name would be withheld, ``he's talking about how Poland is falling, but he keeps blaming some `Desper' guy. To our knowledge, there is no `Desper' currently involved in European politics. We nod and agree, but the court psychiatrist has recommended a heavy dosage of Thorazine. While we are not confident of a full recovery, we think that, at the least, the frequency of the embarrassing incidents with the interns (and their pets!) should diminish."

In related news, Berlitz announced that German classes were being offered in all the major cities of the Country Formerly Known as Poland. Early registration figures are strong, and attendance is expected to be quite high.

SHOW ME THE MONEY: 1997Mea04, Colonial Diplomacy



Spring 1906

BRITAIN (York): a del-LUC, f oman-ARA.S, a KAG S a tib-kam, a KAR-pun,

f RS S TURKISH f egy (otm), f HK S DUTCH f sul.s-scs, f SIN S f mal, a ass-ben (d r:tib,otb),

f per-shi (d r:pg,otb), f AS-(Jim)BOB < GRIN > , a tib-KAM, f NAN-can, f MAL S DUTCH f sun.s-gos.

FRANCE (Sasseville): f ANN S f for-scs, a may-YUN, f GOS S f ban(ec),

f BAN(EC) S f gos, f scs-hk (d r:ton,otb), a CAN S f scs-hk,

a RAN S f ban(ec), a BEN S a u.bur-ass, a u.bur-ASS, f FOR-scs.

HOLLAND (Desper): f bor-CS, f eio-AS, f sul.s-SCS, f JS-sun.s, f MP-for,

a SUM watches the '70s classic Convoy (h), f SUN.S-gos, f LS S f sul.s-scs.

JAPAN (Dwyer): a KYO-kyu (imp), a sha-MAC, a VLA S a sha-mac, f up-ECS, f ecs-SHA,

a P.ART S a sha-mac, f os-UP, f YS S a sha-mac, f SOJ S a vla, a SEO S a sha-mac.

RUSSIA (Williams): a omsk-(tsr)-IRK, a ore-TAS, a AFG-kar, a irk-MON, a tab-PER,

f MED S f syr, a arm-BAG, a mon-LAN, f mac-ys (d ann), a SHI S a tab-per,

a kam-pun (d ann), a PEK S a mon-lan, a SIK S FRENCH a u.bur-ass,

a CHU S a sik, f SYR S f med.

TURKEY (Tallman): a ara-ADEN, f egy-SUD.

Addresses of the Participants

BRITAIN: Andy York, PO Box 201117, Austin, TX 78720-1117

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CHINA: Rich Goranson, 10 Hertel Avenue #208, Buffalo, NY 14207-2532, (716) 876-9374 ($5)

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FRANCE: Roland Sasseville, Jr., 38 Bucklin Street, Pawtucket, RI 02861, (401) 722-4029 ($8)

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HOLLAND: Rick Desper, Bergheimer Strasse 114, 69115 Heidelberg, GERMANY (E-Mail)

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JAPAN: Luke Dwyer, 49 Middlesex Drive, Slingerlands, NY 12159, (518) 439-5796 ($3)

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RUSSIA: Don Williams, 27505 Artine Drive, Saugus, CA 91350, (661) 297-3947 ($5)

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TURKEY: Terry Tallman, 3805 SW Lake Flora Road, Port Orchard, WA 98367, (360) 874-0386 ($0)

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GM: Jim-Bob Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327, (401) 351-0287

Game Notes:

1) The BFJHR draw is rejected. It also is reproposed. Please vote with your Summer orders. Failure to vote (or to re-vote, unless you specifically state that your pro-vote is to remain in effect) vetoes the proposal.

2) Note that Luke has moved to his summer address.

3) Lots of blood in retreats and annihilations this time. If I were you, I'd check my adjudication here. I think I got everything right, but speeding by it in my head, it's always possible I'll miss something.


(HOLLAND): The Dutch government announces its support of the Double Secret Russian Peace Accords. To signal its support, the Dutch have ordered the bombing of the Chinese embassy in Annam.

(RUSSIA to WORLD): Can't we all just get along?

(INFOMERCIAL): Are you sick of British Fleets and armies running amok in your country? Are you also wary of those Dutch who convinced you they were those Pennslvanian kind that did not like war? Well, we got a great new product for you direct from French Colonial Cologne Factories! We guarantee that this product is not made by any child under 12! We also guarantee that Kathy Lee was fired from our operation and now works for the Dutch. Yes, folks our new Napoleon Bonaparte line of scents will drive away any foul smelling foreign menace in no time at all. Call or Email for some today. Not available in Moscow, Elba, or Waterloo flavors.

(AMSTERDAM - ARCHANGEL): British victory? You been rolling in the poppy fields too much? We've got Russian forces from Syria to Chungking and I'm supposed to worry about Britain?

(BOOB to AMSTERDAM): Yes, what about Russia, what about Russia??

(RUSSIA to GM): You stay out of this... I'm surprised you can even GM this.

(BOOB to USELESS DUCK): Hey, me too! I don't have the board memorized quite well enough yet.

(JAKARTA - TOKYO): I hope you are looking at the same board I am. Those R's don't stand for Rick.

(TSAR to BOOB): Can I be full now?

(BORNEO - PARIS): I thought I explained that I didn't do this for shits and giggles. Oh well, you must think what you must think. Or something like that. Go fight Russia!

(TSAR to PROVIDENCE): Are we there yet?

(BOOB to WADDLING DUCK): No, you slow poke! Why don't you watch how the Dutch do it!!

(JAVA - GM): I trade in grain, sheep, and ore for a development card, please.

(ODESSA to SULTAN): Surprised? Your English buddy is slowly moving in.

(T to R): Read your press??? I have to look there for your diplomacy? I tend to glance right over it. Or if I make eye/brain contact I have to slow my metabolism to the point where I can digest it and then take a long nap. Afterwards I shed my skin and move on.

(Niederländer - ENTE): Do you know your secret name?

(ME to YOU): I wonder if my harsh press clip was discovered?

(RUSSIA to FRANCE): So, are we friends yet?

(F-H): I know how to put a little excitement back into this one!

(PRESIDENT REAGAN - ASSEMBLED COLONIAL POWERS): We're voting ``yes" on the draw to prove

1) We don't really hate Roland, we just like picking on him.

2) The Tsar is going to veto the draw any ol' how. Probably Turkey will also.

(OMSK to KYOTO): Madness takes its toll. Shall we end the bloody war? Don't you have a new target picked out yet?

(F-W): Cologne factory producing over time and we still can not rid the world of the stench of Elderberrys.

(RADIO FREE BUDDAH): Bangkok oriental setting and the city don't know what the city is getting. Looks like a British attack.

(F-B): The French embassy joyously celebrates the first reply to a multitude of missives to the usurper on the British throne. We learned the valuable history lesson that history is full of new governments which did not live up to the treaties of the previous government. Gee thanks?

(F-R&J): Beati Pacific.

(MOSCOW to TOKYO): At this writing, I have not heard from you. Would you tell me again, just what did I do to you to earn this terrible treatment?

(SKYWALKER to ALL): I apologize about the lack of communication. My life has been a tad hectic lately, but should improve along with my communications.

(NOTE to DOOM SCOREKEEPER FROM MOI): I am not a press slug, also are you trying to tell me I go both ways with that arrow ?

Diplomatic Immunity Scoreboard, Post-China Syndrome Edition

NUCLEAR BOMBS Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.
PHANTOM MEDIOCRITY Darth York is more threatening.
F MAC Bravely done and well s'long.
WADDLING It is so cool.

COLUMBUS CHILL: 1993 J, Regular Diplomacy


Summer 1922

AUSTRIA (Davis): has a VIE.

FRANCE (Zarr): has f SPA(NC), a POR.

GERMANY (Jones): has a MUN, a SIL, f PIC, f BRE, f MID, f ENG, a BUR, a GAL,

a MOS, a BOH, a TYO, a MAR, a GAS, a UKR, f IRI, f NAO.

TURKEY (Weiss): R a tyo-VEN; has a BUL, f TUS, f BLA, a RUM, a VEN, a TRI, a SER, f GOL,

a SEV, f WES, f NAF, f PIE, f ADR.

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Rick Davis, 1130 Hevrin Cr., Soledad, CA. 93960, (831) 678-2132 days, (831) 678-4470 eve.

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FRANCE: Harold Zarr, 215 Glen Drive, Iowa Falls, IA 50126-1957, (515) 648-2821

GERMANY: Charles Jones, 1722 Quail Circle, Corona, CA 91720-4155, (909) 735-8981

RUSSIA: Eric Schlegel, 314 Fords Lane, Aberdeen, MD 21001, (410) 272-3314

TURKEY: Richard Weiss, 500 Beale St. # 104, San Francisco, CA 94105, (415) 512-7221

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GM: Jim-Bob Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327, (401) 351-0287

Game Notes:

1) A German concession is proposed along with FG, FGT, and FGAT draws. Please vote with your Fall orders. You guys know the routine by now.


(TURKEY-GERMANY): You made a brilliant move. Not what I would have done, but brilliant enough to guarantee yourself a victory. I propose and am voting for a concession to you. I doubt you will vote for it though. I bet you think there is a difference between a ``win" and a ``concession."

(TURKEY - AUSTRIA): Thanks for the fun. Sorry we couldn't get you to equal France at the end. However, the longest single center survival is quite an accomplishment. Please tell me when you can come to SF and I will arrange a game of your choice. I Know Maniac.

(TURKEY - FRANCE): I only picked on you to goad you, hoping that you would extend the life of this game so that I would continue to get the zine without having to pay. I am unemployed now and would have appreciated the financial support. Seriously, I'm sure you are ticked off at me for earlier press, and my press didn't help me in the long run, but, I laud your perseverence and determination. Congratulations on a game well-played. One more little goad though, doesn't it feel strange to be happy with having gone from a dominant position to only two SC's just to end the game?

(FRA-GM): I will REALLY be glad when Germany wins this game!

(RICHARD-JIM): As you well know, I only voted for a draw once, and the rest of the time, did vote for some 4-ways. As you well know, I had a great time writing black press. As you well know, I love the hell out of TAP and your GM'ing. I am serious however, I am not planning on entering another game of Dip ever and this is the last game that I am in. I thank you for this stand-bye position. I thank each of the players in the game for what has been one of the most interesting games I've played in in any szine (counting in the three figures of games played). I have developed a fondness for Germany and Austria during this game - and that is what the hobby is all about. Friendship and fun. Enjoy all.

(BOOB to CHILLERS): It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings, and she ain't sung yet!! Tune in next time, same Bat time, same Bat channel!!

Personal Note to You:

File translated from TEX by TTH, version 1.66.