May 12, 1999

Produced by Jim Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327 USA, (401)351-0287

Accessible through Internet at burgess of; FAX to (401) 277-9904


Finally a bit back on track this issue. The last few issues have been filled with problems, but this one is coming off almost precisely on schedule. I should have all of the missing letters in this issue. If you wrote me a letter and haven't seen it yet, try to jog my memory and I'll try to locate it. Perhaps it ended up in the wrong pile. Now I can start working on my stack of music notes for future articles. I've got a very long list..... should be an active and busy summer on that front.

The postal sub price is a flat $1.00 per issue in the US and Canada, a bargain at twice the price.... but you can double that for other foreign subbers (or $2.00 per issue sent airmail). Players in current games and standbys will continue to get the issues for free, and future game starts (except for Nuclear Yuppie Evil Empire Diplomacy, which is free) cost $20.00 ($15.00 for a life of the game subscription and $5 for the NMR Insurance). Note the price increases for games, with the rates for subbing to the szine holding fixed for the moment. I'm not going to start any more new games (other than the Star Trek game) until some games end.

Check out the connections in the Diplomatic Pouch with all of the information you need to play Diplomacy on the Internet at:

Through Stephen Agar's (who for the time being is still in charge here, though he's folded his szine) Postal portion of the Pouch:

the szine resides in html format. Presently, issues from #190 to the current issue are there, and I will be updating the back issues gradually in the near future.

The most recent issue also can be accessed through David Wang's and Pete Sullivan's web pages:

1) David has grabbed and reserved the HIGHLY prized name:!! His ``version'' of this szine is somewhat more html.friendly than the one I created, so please check it out. David Wang's site also allows you to follow John Caruso's postal baseball league that I am in.

2) Pete Sullivan is back!!! For the latest information and the most recent issue of Pete's subszine check out:

Sign up for one of Pete's Railway Rivals games. And we've got another short OG in for this issue.

By electronic mail, through the Internet, subs are free and can be obtained automatically by sending the message: subscribe tap

to majordomo of and messages can be sent to the entire electronic mailing list by mailing them to tap of which will forward your message to all of the people currently on the list. The message:

unsubscribe tap

sent to majordomo of gets you off the list. Please make careful note of that as well since you generally can get yourself off the list a lot easier than I can, and NOBODY likes to see unsubscribe messages sent to the entire list. A big, big thank you for David Kovar for setting this all up!!


Bernie is still the feature here until issue #220. Come on, do any of you need the hint.... you might find him by searching for the last name Tretick.... why might that be? Who knows.... I'll say more about Bernie next time.

This is a regular continuing feature of the szine and I will be introducing a new ``search for'' every five issues. Moreover, you can win a $25 prize for finding some previous target who went unfound in the original $50 period. That means that if Kevin Tighe or Garret Schenck or Jerry Lucas or Al Pearson is ``found'' from now on it is worth $25. Plus, Steve Emmert will throw in another ten spot for Garret Schenck if you can get Garret to write to him. Go for these guys again. Perhaps some of them now can be located via the Internet where they weren't when you looked before.

Winners will receive credit for Dip hobby activities that I will pay out as requested by the winner. Subscribe to szines here or abroad, run your own contests, publish a szine, finance a web page, or whatever. Spend it all right away or use me as a bank to cover hobby activities for years. What must you do to win? Get me a letter to the editor for TAP from the person we're searching for. This is very important, just finding them doesn't do it. They have to write me a letter. The final judge as to the winner of any contest will be the target himself and I reserve the right to investigate the winning entry. When you find someone I'm looking for, you should ask him to send me a letter for print that includes a verification of who ``found'' him.

Now some carryover from reintroducing Dan Stafford to the hobby:

Sara Reichert (19 March 1999)

Dearest Dan: I very much doubt that you have heard of me, but BOY have I heard of you. Back in 1994, I was a 16 year old girl in high school when I was given a copy of that beginner's guide to Diplomacy, Masters of Deceit. It was only after reading Kathy Caruso's article ((Kathy also should be reading this.... hi, Kitton!!!)) that I decided to give Diplomacy by mail an honest try. My previous experiences with DIPLOMACY had been at the Carson High School Gaming Club, mostly ``let's gang up on the girl'' affairs.

My first game was as England in Absolute! (which has just finished with a 22 center win for England). My second game was as France in Andy Lischett's Cheesecake. That brings us to YOU. It was YOUR article in Masters of Deceit that I read and followed.

1) Fleets were the key to victory. In the last game year I had 4 fleets in northern waters, 4 fleets in the Med, and 7 armies in between.

2) Central powers were my friends. I tried to be nice to both Austria and Italy. Alas, Italy and Austria did one of those Key Lepanto things, and after Turkey was swiftly eliminated Italy stabbed Austria to elimination. I did not attack Italy until the very last game year, 1908, when I took Venice from the north.

3) Start off with an F/G vs. E alliance. With Kathy Caruso's comments in mind, I asked Germany for help since I was a confused newcomer. I am pleased to report that Germany (Eric Ozog) made a splendid Knight in Shining Armor as we sacked England and I really regret that I had to stab him in the back for further growth but I did and just overran Germany, Scandinavia, and most of Russia; assisted by a slew of NMRs by everyone else.

So this letter is a hearty ``Thank you!'' for writing that article in Masters of Deceit, and I want you to know that your advice worked just fine.

With love... Sara Reichert, 20805 Margaret Street, Carson, CA 90745-1224

PS I am also sending a copy of this letter to Jim Burgess. Jim, thank you very much for tracking Dan down so I could write my letter of thanks. I do appreciate your efforts. (You may publish as much or as little of this letter in TAP as you wish.)

((I published nearly all of it... you wicked darlin' witch you... it was of course Eric Ozog (your stabbed Knight) who found Dan for us. Hyork, hyork, hyork, hopefully Eric's $5 prize will easy some of the sting!!! I don't think you need any more ``novice'' help after all of your postal wins, but we're glad you're here and I'm glad you finally found your way to my szine. After all, here we almost NEVER have NMRs!!! Masters of Deceit is supposed to be still available. Paul Kenny can help anyone out who is interested. Is it STILL Tom Mainardi who is selling it???))


The British representative is the editor of Mission From God, John Harrington. John may be contacted at 1 Churchbury Close, Enfield, Middlesex EN1 3UW, UK (johnh of or JHarrington of John Cain has noted that the Australian part of this service has been dormant for so long that it is not worth maintaining, and actually almost the same is true for the European continental representative, so I am discontinuing those two pieces of the Exchange. Thanks to John Cain and Jef Bryant for their years of service to the hobby!!! For people working with John Harrington or me, please include the full name and address of the foreign publisher with your order, if possible, as well as the szine title. Make your check in US dollars out to me personally or in GBP to John if you're doing things from that end. I will conduct business for Canadians as well, if I can, but prefer to deal in US dollars with them if possible, or Canadian dollars cash. To subscribe to American szines, the system works in reverse.

DIPDOM NEWS SECTION (with letters)

Obscure and not-so-obscure ramblings on the state of the hobby and its publications, custodians, events, and individuals with no guarantee of relevance from the fertile keyboard of Jim-Bob, the E-Mail Dip world, and the rest of the postal hobby. My comments are in italics and ((double quotation marks)) like this. Bold face is used to set off each individual speaker. I should also make a note that I do edit for syntax and spelling on occasion.

A VERY light discussion is taking place that will address what stance we (the hobby) should take (proactive in some way for sure) toward Hasbro, the new owners of the rights to Diplomacy. More on this will be forthcoming, but it looks like Hasbro might have its version of Diplomacy on the market for the Christmas season and they actually will be employing ``play-testers''. No word on precisely what this means yet, could it mean that they will offer a series of ``official'' variants? Stay tuned.... If you want to be part of the discussion, send the MESSAGE:

subscribe hasbro

to majordomo of, it works just like the tap mailing list described below. Sending messages to hasbro of sends the mail to the whole list.

The game Diplomacy is a copyrighted product owned by Hasbro and all reproductions or other use of that material in this szine is intended to be personal use and not infringe on those rights in any way. All reproductions are done at a heavy financial loss to the editor and thus are without the remotest possibility of commercial intent, except to promote THE game, the Game of Diplomacy, which you all should purchase from Hasbro or other duly licensed distributors.

Notice the ratio of Brits to Americans in the letter column again this issue. Can't I get a few more comments out of all of you? Well, actually, adding it up, it isn't too bad, but still I'd like to get the Letter Column moving again. First up is a famous Brit hobbyist who is now living in Canada....

Richard Gooch (Thu, 06 May 1999 09:54:47 PDT)

Jim: In response to your invitation, I'm delighted to let you have my home address. Any opportunity to discuss cricket is an automatic ``IN" as far as I'm concerned. Used to be a member of Surrey CCC and followed Durham through their final years in Minor Counties and formative years (with Botham!) in the First Class ranks. Was an avid spectator (saw Truman's 300th Test wicket, Botham's best double century, last pre-apartheid S.African tour and the tail end of Surrey's fifties run). NO cricket coverage here unfortunately - but I'm signed up with CricketInfo365 to get all the news and scores on e-mail. God, how I miss the Oval!!

I used to run Talbot - a fast turnaround zine running Cricketboss. Anything of this nature around?

Richard Gooch, ripgch of, 105-225 Cumming St., Thunder Bay, ON P7C 1N8, CANADA

((Not in North America to my knowledge, but I have about 15 Brit subbers and someone else may be able to enlighten you. Now we have the straight story on the famous 34 dot win by none other than its author, Dick Martin. Whereas his partner in crime, Mark D. Lew, used to affect the small letter thing, now Dick does. I wonder if that game passed this infection along???))

Dick Martin (Fri, 07 May 1999 12:20:01 -0500)

hey jimbob.... couple things to comment on for the latest issue...

it doesn't matter whether you copy your party songs to tape or cd, you're violating copyright either way. there may be technical issues preventing cd- > cd copies, but i'm not sure if that's the case or not. hope not, cuz i should be getting my cd recorder in the next few days (ah, that internet shopping, gotta love it!). my main plan is to record from vinyl- > cd though, so that's not an issue there. i'll let you know how it works out. ((I believe there are technical copyright protections blocking simple CD to CD recording. I think I'm going with audio tape for the project.... I'm still VERY interested to hear everyone's experiences in all directions as I do this.))

yes, it's true that i once ``stabbed" mark (d) lew for 17 dots in a game. i think we'd both picked up standby positions in don sigwalt's hoof & mouth and i had a lock on 18 anytime i wanted to go for it. mark suggested that we make the game more interesting by going for 34 instead of just another win...and somehow we managed to stay awake long enough to pull it off.

22 dots isn't that unusual, i've seen that a few times. in my first postal dip game ever i got 23 by 1906! germany is so fun to play sometimes..... after that game my dip career was all downhill and now i'm just burned out deadwood hanging out in the back pages of the abyssinian prince.


((Imagine that, you and Gary Coughlan (among many others) pleasantly hanging out together in that same deadwood box! By my rough count, there are about two dozen of you now. One of these issues, I'll list all of you with your addresses, just to surprise everyone. I think the quietest, longest standing member of this group (not counting Rod Walker, who is now petrified wood) is Vince Lutterbie, who still is doing his annual summer cons in Marshall, MO. Speaking of little cons, where was I lately???))

Richard Weiss (Tue, 4 May 1999 21:45:45 -0700)

Jim: Great to see you. I had a lot of fun over the weekend. I was impressed how diverse your conversational topics/skills were.

Richard, rcw of

((Thanks for the compliment on my conversational skills, I think. I always think of myself as much better with the printed word. That's why I have a postal Dipszine!! There is more on this mini-con in the press below. Other attendees included Richard Irving (who I may have enticed into this szine) and old pal Eric Voogd (who is in John Caruso's postal baseball league with me - but I'd never met in person!). Pete and Daf were no shows as Pete was busy with a pick-up job. He'll probably tell you more about it in the subszine, which should appear here next issue. And then there was Jody McCullough, who I'd E-Mailed back and forth to a great deal, but also never met.))

Jody McCullough (Sat, 08 May 1999 21:57:55 -0700)

Jim, Good to finally meet you in person. I'm only sorry I had to leave so soon after you got there. It was good meeting Richard too. He's a lot more ``normal" in person than you might guess from his lunatic press grin. For those who haven't met Jim, he's very soft spoken, mild mannered. I can only imagine playing Dip with him. Something like: ``Hey, Jim's a really good ally, and what a nice guy! Good thing I've got him to the North of me; things are looking a little messy on my other flanks. Well, these moves Jim suggested look pretty good. I think I'll hold them at least. Wait a minute! Jim did WHAT!? He convoyed WHERE!? Uh-oh" or something like that...'' ((You actually have that just about right.... ask Roland, who I always manage to stab in the Boston Incidents.))

I'm going to get to you on that music stuff real soon. But not this time.

It was interesting to hear Rick Desper talk about Clinton and mention Reagan's ``hare-brained" foreign policy. And Clinton's foreign policy would be... what? It seems to be something like: threaten a lot and use bombs a lot. And what exactly are we doing in Kosovo anyway? Did we accomplish what we set out to do? As for the whole impeachment bit, personally I think he had it coming. Did he ``deserve" it? Complicated question, and not very relevant now. But I'd say if he did some of the stuff that it appears he did, then yes, he deserved it. And, he could have avoided the whole protracted mess if he had just come clean in the first place.

I don't think the impeachment will be Clinton's legacy though. I think he'll be remembered as a morally vacuous man who ran one of the most corrupt administrations ever, and also happened to be the second president to be impeached. I hated the liberal mantra of ``it's just about sex". Well, of course it wasn't just about sex. That's absurd. The sex part, and the particular tawdriness of the whole äffair" (and that doesn't even seem to be the right word for whatever it was) says a lot about Clinton. But nope, oral sex is not an impeachable offense.

It's interesting to note the famous moralists who stepped up to defend Clinton. Geraldo Rivera, for example, who claims he has bedded thousands of women. And Larry Flynt, noted pornographer.

Jody, jodym of

((Thanks, Jody, is was great to meet you too, albeit somewhat briefly. I'll let the rest of your comments sit and hope that they generate some further comments. Now, Jody and I have exchanged many of our discussions on the usenet group I seldom agree with Keith Ammann, but he is another frequent contributor to r.g.d and he always is discussing interesting issues. Keith lately has been trying to interest Dippers in relating the burgeoning psychological typing literature to the play of Dip. Of course, on the Internet, there tends to be an interest in anonymous games which minimize the role of personality, which in my view is boring and not fun at all. So, Keith raised little interest in this little experiment. I invite all of you to participate and comment. If you send me E-Mail, copy Keith as he needs encouragement too.))

Keith Ammann (Sun, 2 May 1999 20:30:29 -0400)

Well, including my own, I only got nine usable survey responses, which hardly constitutes an adequate sample. Not that that's going to stop me from posting results. :-)

But first, let me share my hypotheses, beginning with a breakdown of the enneagram personality indicator. The enneagram divides personalities up into nine types:

((3 also called motivator, 4 also called artist, 5 also called thinker, 7 also called generalist))

1: The Reformer, who seeks perfection (crusading type).

2: The Helper, who seeks love (altruistic type).

3: The Performer, who seeks status (competitive type).

4: The Individualist, who seeks an identity (imaginative type).

5: The Investigator, who seeks knowledge (analytical type).

6: The Loyalist, who seeks security (ambivalent type).

7: The Enthusiast, who seeks gratification (thrill-seeking type).

8: The Leader, who seeks self-sufficiency (dominant type).

9: The Peacemaker, who seeks contentment (accommodating type).

It seemed to me that Diplomacy, with its aspects of persuasion, negotiation and more-than-occasional treachery, is very much a Three game, with elements of Five, owing to the game's abstract nature. Ones, I hypothesized, would be attracted to the logic of the game but would have difficulty with the fact that it often demands not just lying but convincing lying, not to mention breaking of promises (I didn't think to ask in the survey, but I'd bet that Ones make the best ``strong ally" players). Sixes, on the other hand, would be very turned off by the ease with which one can be stabbed. But Threes would be the absolute rulers of the game.

That was my theory, anyway. Here are the patterns that seemed to reveal themselves in the survey answers - note that scores in all nine types, not just the predominant one, were used to identify them (a fact that voided the surveys of two respondents, one of whom only gave his predominant type and the other of whom formatted it like a power preference list).

HOW MUCH DO YOU ENJOY THE GAME? All respondents answered ``Like it," ``Really like it" or ``Love it." Types Three, Eight and Nine correlated positively with enthusiasm for the game, Nine strongly so; types Four and Six correlated negatively, Six VERY strongly so (all respondents with strong Six scores reported merely ``liking" Diplomacy).

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE/LEAST FAVORITE POWER? No one reported having Germany or Russia as a favorite; no one named Austria (!) or France as a least favorite. Responses by type:

ONES most preferred France and least preferred Turkey.

TWOS most preferred Turkey and least preferred England.

THREES most preferred Austria or Italy and least preferred England.

FOURS most preferred Austria and least preferred Germany.

FIVES most preferred England and least preferred Germany.

SIXES most preferred France and least preferred England.

SEVENS most preferred Turkey and least preferred Germany.

EIGHTS most prefered Turkey and least preferred Italy.

NINES most preferred England and least preferred Russia.

Turning things around, Austria was most preferred by Fours; England by Fours, Fives and Nines; France by Ones, Sixes and Eights; and Italy and Turkey by Sevens. England was least preferred by Twos and Threes; Germany by Fours and Fives; Italy by Eights; Russia by Twos, Sevens, Eights and Nines; and Turkey by Ones.

HOW OFTEN DO YOU WIN? There was a strong positive correlation between type Three and frequency of victory, and a strong negative correlation with type Four.

HOW GOOD A TACTICIAN/NEGOTIATOR? These answers struck me as the strangest. I had expected Ones and Fives to rank as the best tacticians, Threes and Nines as the best negotiators. Instead, there was actually a positive correlation for tactics in type Nine and negative correlations for tactics in One, Four and Six - One and Six were stunningly lopsided. As for negotiation, Sixes stood out as good negotiators, while Fives tended to rate themselves as middling. I suspect these results (especially on the tactics question) are affected by people's self-evaluation habits: Ones, for example, tend to be perfectionists, and Sixes tend to lack confidence in their judgment.

Well, there you have it: interesting but totally unscientific. :-) One last tidbit: The most strongly represented type among all the responses was One, followed by Five. The least represented type was Two, followed by Four and Seven.

Keith Ammann, geenius of

I'm sure you're all interested in how I scored. You can take the quiz yourself at the web page below.

See becca/enneagram/

My scores in order were: 9, 13, 15, 7, 15, 6, 17, 18, 14.

Which makes me a ``Leading Enthusiast'', which is not far wrong in my view. I also fundamentally disagreed with Keith on some of his hypotheses. As you can gather from his comments, I was practically the only responder who scored high in the ``Enthusiast'' category, which is very surprising for a HOBBY! I suspect the r.g.d Internet crowd was a biased subset of Diplomacy players more broadly. Now, MY HYPOTHESIS is that the best Diplomacy player in the world would, chameleon like, score precisely identically in each of the nine types. I see my lower scores as precisely correlated with my weaknesses in playing Diplomacy and even some of my strengths become weaknesses in the wrong settings. Other thoughts, especially if they are linked with your scores, are strongly encouraged.))


It is still time to send in your ``best of 1998'' lists. Give it to me anyway you want to - a top 10, a couple of favorites, a list, an essay, whatever - the classic is to tell me your top singles, top albums, and best concerts of the year, but you are the boss. Don't wait too long though because I want to move into the party tape issues pretty quickly. I plan to have my list in... well now it is NEXT time.


This section is developing a list of the great party singles of the century. You'll get a definite sense of quirky before we're done. You'll also get a sense of timelessness. I'll assume that I'll also get some comments from some of you. I'm going to set a slate of only 10 - that's just ONE more from what is below and then DEMAND votes from you out there to fill the rest of the slots. The Bullpen voting system I am envisioning will work like this: you each get ten votes which you can allocate across as few as two songs (5 votes apiece) or as many as ten songs (1 vote for each). You can allocate your ten votes any way you want, but you can't put any more than five votes on any one song. You also get ONE B-52 song vote (although you can add votes from your main allotment if desired) and THREE Drug Song votes which will be held in a separate category. The other ``special'' bullpens must be voted on from your main allotment of votes. I decided that I WILL print running totals and print the names of the people who have voted. Also, you guys wrote some great stuff about the songs, so I've printed that too! Write-ins will be permitted, but are unlikely to win. I know I have lost some suggestions that aren't in the bullpen lists below, so feel free to mention 'em again! Everything that started in the bullpen started with one vote.

To encourage voting early, five voters at random will receive five US dollars from me (either in cash or paid to someone for Dip stuff). I will take these voters at random every other issue, starting with this issue, and draw one randomly, so early voters get FIVE chances to win, but no one will be allowed to win twice. I'm also giving the round one voters below five chances in said drawing, those in the second round four, and so on, to more heavily penalize the chances of those last minute voters and reward these pioneers! That should do it!! Prizes also will be awarded in issues 219, 221, and 223. Get your Round 3 votes in now if you don't see your name below!!! You each will receive three chances in the drawing for the next five dollar prize. Voters in Round 1 were Mike Barno($5), Rick Desper, Tony Dickinson, Drew James, Heath Gardner, and John Harrington. Round 2 postal voters are John Schultz ($5) Ian Moore, and Stan Johnson. John wins the second prize and in future drawings these people will have five chances, just as the Round 1 voters. Round 2 E-Mail voters get four chances and are Scott Morris, Warren Goesle, Peter Sullivan, and Michael Lowrey.

We'll end up with a monster party tape at the end of it that I plan to segue and sequence and copy for distribution. The result will be a great New Millenium party tape. I've also been thinking that I should put this out on CD as truly emblematic of the new millenium. I don't have the capability to do that quite yet, but I think I might by then. Any suggestions (or especially volunteers) on this front will be cheerfully accepted and could receive monetary payments!

So far, we have ``I Melt With You'' by Modern English; George Gershwin's ``I got Plenty O' Nuttin' '' from Porgy and Bess in the 1957 concert recording with Ella Fitzgerald finishing off the vocals after Louis Armstrong blows and sings through the tune; Duke Ellington performing Billy Strayhorn's ``Take the A Train''; Frank Sinatra's ``New York, New York''; something from the B-52's; the original Van Morrison and Them version of ``Gloria''; The (English) Beat's 12 inch version of ``Save It for Later'' ratchets things up to the next level (wherever you put it!); Buster Poindexter's ``Hot, Hot, Hot'' keeps you there; ``Atomic Dog'' by George Clinton blows the doors off, and Koko Taylor cleans up singing Willie Dixon's ``Wang Dang Doodle''.

EXTRA SPECIAL B-52'S BULLPEN: (4) ``Love Shack''. (3) ``Planet Claire''; ``Rock Lobster". (2)``Give Me Back My Man". (1) ``Dance This Mess Around"; ``Private Idaho''; ``Deadbeat Club''; ``52 Girls''; NONE.

BULLPEN: (8) Nirvana - ``Smells Like Teen Spirit". (7) ``Cumberland Blues'' - the Grateful Dead; ``Mannish Boy" - Muddy Waters. (6) ``In Between Days'' - The Cure. (5) ``Twistin the Night Away" - Sam Cooke; ``Twist & Shout" - Beatles; ``Radar Love'' - Golden Earring; ``Crossroads'' - Eric Clapton. (4) Lou Reed - ``Sweet Jane''; ``Shake, Rattle, & Roll" - Big Joe Turner; Peter Frampton - ``Do you feel like we do"; Devo - ``Whip It". (3) ``Dancing With Myself'' - Billy Idol's Gen X; ``Tweedle Dee'' by Lavern Baker; B Movie - ``Nowhere Girl"; ``Add It Up'' - Violent Femmes; ``I Wanna Be Sedated" - Ramones; ``Jambalaya" - Hank Williams; ``I Feel Good" - James Brown; Squeeze - ``If I Didn't Love You"; ``Rocking the Casbah'' - The Clash; ``The Butterfly Collector" - The Jam; ``Magic Carpet Ride" - Steppenwolf; Public Enemy - ``Bring Tha Noize". (2) ``Fire on the Mountain'' - the Grateful Dead; Violent Femmes - ``Blister in the Sun"; ``Proud Mary'' - Ike and Tina Turner; ``party at ground zero'' by fishbone; Green Day - ``Basket Case''; ``Debaser'' - The Pixies; ``Train In Vain'' - The Clash; ``Locomotion" - Little Eva; ``Revolution" - the Beatles; Little Richard - ``Rock Island Line''; ``Magic Mountain" - the Animals; ``Pass the Dutchie" - Peter Tosh; ``What Time is Love'' - KLF; ``In the Mood" - Glenn Miller; ``Ebeneezer Goode'' - The Shamen; ``Lithium'' - Nirvana. (1) ``Walk This Way'' - Run-DMC; ``How Soon Is Now?'' - The Smiths; ``Last of the Famous International Playboys'' - Morrissey; ``Roadrunner'' - Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers; ``Roadrunner'' - the Animals; ``I'm Coming Out'' - Diana Ross; Strunz and Farrah - ``Americas''; Clarence ``Gatemouth'' Brown - ``Up Jumped the Devil''; David Bowie - ``Fame''; ``Been Caught Stealing'' - Jane's Addiction; ``Hard to Handle'' - Black Crowes; ``Birth-day'' - Suzanne Vega; Doors - ``Road House Blues"; Bangles - ``Hazy Shade of Winter"; Go-Go's - ``Our Lips are Sealed"; Led Zeppelin - ``Hey, Hey what can I do"; Three Dog Night - ``Shambala"; ``Party Train'' - Gap Band; Concrete Blonde - ``Still in Hollywood"; ``The Pusher" - Steppenwolf; ``Want Ad Blues" - John Lee Hooker; ``Give the Dog a Bone" - AC/DC; ``Chain of Fools" - Aretha Franklin; ``What I Like About You" - Romantics; ``And We Danced" - Hooters; ``Particle Man" - They Might Be Giants; Erasure - ``River Deep, Mountain High"; ``All Along the Watchtower" - Jimi Hendrix's KISS THE SKY version of Bob Dylan's song); ``One Love" - Bob Marley; ``I Wanna Be a Lifeguard'' - Blotto; ``Hollywood Handsome" - Tuscadero; ``Connection" - Elsatica; ``Happiness is a Warm Gun" - The Breeders; ``Why do you Drink?" - Hank Williams, Jr.; ``Freshly" - Dillinger; ``Fool's Gold'' - Stone Roses; ``Wannabe'' - Spice Girls; ``Louie, Louie'' - The Kingsmen.

SPECIAL GEORGE CLINTON BULLPEN: (2) ``I Just Wanna Testify''; ``Flash Light''. (1) Prince - ``Bob & George"; ``Let's Take It to the Stage'', ``The Pinocchio Theory''.

SPECIAL MILLENNIUM BULLPEN: ``1999'' - Prince; ``Disco 2000'' - Pulp. These songs are officially INELIGIBLE FOR THE TAPE!!!

SPECIAL ROLLING STONES BULLPEN: (6) ``Paint It Black''. (3) ``Satisfaction". (2) ``Sympathy for the Devil''; ``Jumpin' Jack Flash". (1) ``Get Off of My Cloud''; ``Gimme Shelter''.

SPECIAL TALKING HEADS BULLPEN: (8) ``Take me to the River". (1) ``The Great Curve''; ``Life During Wartime''; the entire Speaking in Tongues record.

SPECIAL ALPHABET SONG BULLPEN: (5) ``YMCA" - Village People. (1) ``MTA" - Kingston Trio.

SPECIAL DRUG MUSIC BULLPEN: (6) ``Don't Bogart that Joint'' - Fraternity of Man; ``The Old Dope Peddler'' - Tom Lehrer. (5) ``Casey Jones'' - the Grateful Dead; ``Red, Red Wine'' - UB40. (3) ``Bush Doctor'' - Peter Tosh. (2) The Toys - ``Smoke Two Joints''; ``Easy Skanking" - Bob Marley; ``Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll'' - Ian Dury and the Blockheads; ``The Needle and the Damage Done'' - Neil Young; ``Cocaine'' - Eric Clapton's version; ``I'm an Okie from Muskogee'' - Merle Haggard; entire Animals album - Pink Floyd; ``Panama Red'' - New Riders; Thin Lizzy - ``Whisky in the Jar''. (1) ``Smoke, Smoke, Smoke (That Cigarette)'' - Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen; ``Legalize It'' - Peter Tosh; ``Heroin'' - Lou Reed and Velvet Underground; ``The Drugs Don't Work" - The Verve; ``Old Red Eyes is Back" - Beautiful South; ``Hemp, for Victory'' - Ramon Renedge; ``Revolution'' - Spacemen 3; ``Halcyon'' - Orbital; ``Sinsemilla" - Black Uhuru; Hawkwind - ``LSD''; ``Hassan I Sahba''(Hashish) - Hawkwind; Sisters Of Mercy - ``Amphetamine Logic''; ``More Songs about Chocolate and Girls'' - The Undertones; Pink Floyd - ``Obscured by Clouds''; Stranglers - ``Golden Brown''; Levellers - ``Just the One''; New Model Army - ``Heroin''; Magic Mushroom Band - ``Ditto Skunk''.

Scott Morris (Thu, 25 Mar 1999 12:42:38 EST)

Here is my votes for the Tape.

B-52 VOTE - ``Planet Claire" - Please oh PLEASE don't let ``Love Shack" win. That songs SUCKS! I hate it. Bring your juke box money to buy a hit man to put a bullett into one of their bee hives!! I guess I can fast foward but this is my plea to the others out there to vote for ``Planet Claire" thus saving me the effort

DRUG MUSIC - 1 sentimental vote for ``The Needle and the Damage Done" Sure it does not fit the mood of the Tape but HEY! I have to relive my pot smoking college days somehow. I just hope that if I ever run for President everyone will destroy their copies of this zine and my above admission. 1 vote for the awesome licks of Clapton on ``Cocaine" 1 vote for Thin Lizzy ``Whisky in the Jar".

GENERAL VOTES - 5 Votes for the Cure ``In Between Days" How can you have a Millenium party tape without a Cure song?? If any of you are in your 30's and you don't ship at least one vote to Ïn Between Days" you are cheating yourself. This is an awesome song! ((I'll give you an extra GM vote for this one, since it should have been on the list in the first place, for a total of six.)) 5 votes for Talking Heads ``Life During Wartime" Quite simply an awesome tune. ((If you're going to use the word ``awesome'' so much please spell it correctly.... ;-) You don't want to get the GM riled correcting spelling.)) The Talking Heads rock and roll! One of the best concert movies of all time was ``Stop Making Sense." If you have an good stereo system attached to your TV rent it and crank it up! It won't be the same as seeing it on the big screen. But it is superb.

- - - ((Some follow up comments....))

Ok, First (if this is allowed) please change my 5 votes from ``life during wartime" to ``Take me to the River by the Talking Heads. I think that has a better shot at making it and is an equally good tune. ((No problem, but once your votes are recorded above (as yours are now) they can't be changed.))

I think one of the above Cure or Talking Heads songs have to make it. But I may need some help. Toss me a point if you have any soul at all!!!! Merciful Lord in Heaven!! God Bless you! I FEEL A HEEEEEEELIN COMIN ON!!!!!!! ((I gave you a ``cure''.))

Also If I win the $5 keep it and apply it to whatever you will eventually charge for the tape/ CD!!

Finally, are you still thinking of doing this on CD? What is the latest? ((Cassette.)) No I think Cassette would be cool too. One last relic from the old age! :)

I am going to speak with the guy who does the CD copying this weekend I will pump him for some more information and give you the particulars.

As far as money goes I am pretty sure the cost would only be slightly more to put the Music on CD.

The problem you are going to run into is memory space. How many cuts are you going to put on this thingy? Double CD release?? :)

Then the biggest problem is who has a CD writer. I have access to one and could do some for you. But if you need to copy a bunch you are looking at a time problem. It takes actual time to record from CD to CD. Let me know how many CD's you anticipate needing and how many music cuts or how much approximate time you are going to need and I can then shoot you some concrete numbers that will allow you to have more info on the CD aspect of it.

Your Chum, Scott, ScottM221 of

Warren Goesle (Fri, 16 Apr 1999 15:04:29)

I had very carefully gone through the list of tunes eligible for your millenium tape and made my selections when I realized that you could tell how much of a wasted youth I actually had listening to these. We are what we eat and what we listen to. So here I am:

3 votes on Peter Frampton ``Do you feel like we do".

1 vote each on: Sam Cooke ``Twistin the Night Away"; Ramones ``I Wanna be Sedated"; The Clash ``Rocking the Casbah"; Steppenwolf ``Magic Carpet Ride"; Ike & Tina Turner ``Proud Mary"; Rolling Stones ``Jumpin' Jack Flash"; Talking Heads ``Take me to the River".

My B-52 vote goes to: ``Love Shack". And my 3 drug votes go to: Tom Lehrer ``The Old Dope Peddler" (2 votes); Merle Haggard ``I'm an Okie from Muskogee". Sometimes I wonder how I lived this long. Or why.

Later. Go-El, gozcorp of

Peter Sullivan (Fri, 16 Apr 1999 16:17:04)

First off, I should note that I am being quite specific in my voting by considering these as party songs. There are a lot of good songs in the bullpen that are not really party material, which is why no vote for ``Revolution." (Actually, if you had made it ``Revolution 9" I would have to have voted for it, just for sheer weirdness.)

I Feel Good - James Brown - 1 point

Locomotion - Little Eva - 1 point

YMCA - Village People - 4 points

Twist and Shout - Beatles - 4 points

YMCA gets joint top on the basis that it's virtually the only song that can get me onto a dance floor, if only because I know all the actions. There's also that feeling of superiority you get when you explain to unsuspecting others that the lyrics are actually about homosexual prostitution. (By the way, is it true that the US Navy once considered using ``In the Navy" for a recruitment campaign, or is this just another one of those urban myths?) ((I think it's an urban myth...))

Oops, almost forgot the Drug Bullpen. I'm going to contradict myself above about having only party songs, and put all three votes on ``The Old Dope Peddler." I seem to remember this is available on several Lehrer albums. Apparently Tom Lehrer ended up virtually self-publishing his first albums, which were basically just recordings of his cabaret act. He did one of just the songs, and another with the patter between the songs as well, to see which sold best. Needless to say, they sold almost exactly the same.

There was a radio documentary on his work on BBC Radio Two last year, and he said that when they did ``Tomfoolery" (a sort of Song by Song by Sondheim clone) in London in the early 1980s, they originally had this song at the end of the first half. However, it caused the same problem as ``Tomorrow Belongs to Me" in Cabaret. Basically, people feel they ought to clap as it is the end of the first act, but they don't want to appear to be endorsing the sentiments of the song just ended. In the end, the producer moved Dope Peddler so that it came on earlier in the act and they went straight into another song on the closing note.

- Peter Sullivan, peter of

Michael Lowrey (Tue, 06 Apr 1999 11:46:52)

Jim,Have some music votes:

B-52s song: Rock Lobster, because of grad school parties, if nothing else.

Main bullpen: The Jam ``The Butterfly Collector" three points. One point each to: Muddy Waters ``Mannish Boy"; Tuscadero ``Hollywood Handsome"; Elsatica ``Connection"; Rolling Stones ``Gimme shelter"; The Breeders ``Happiness is a Warm Gun"; Hank Wiliams Jr ``Why do you Drink?"; Dillenger ``Freshly".

Drug Song vote: All three to Peter ``The Minister of Herb" Tosh's ``Bush Doctor."

BTW, one of your favorite ska bands has changed their names. It's now just the Skalars; Isaac Green is just their manager now. The girl does most of the singing. I also met them about at a festival a year and a half ago; they are quite nice. (As an extra special treat, I got to drag their stuff on and off stage. OK, that was actually my job; I was working at said festival.) As for Zine Register, I now have some free time and have two possible uses for it: put insulation and flooring over the garage (if you do one, you might as well do the other) or finish up ZR. Now that a hard choice.

Michael Lowrey, mlowrey of

((Well, you did eventually finish it up since I have it now. Thanks for all your work on this. I think you are passing it along at the right time. Phil seems to have a lot of energy for it.))

Stan Johnson (25 Feb. 1999)

Votes: Bullpen - Rock Island Line, Tweedle Dee (2), Magic Carpet Ride, Revolution, Jambalaya, I Feel Good, In The Mood, Mannish Boy, If I Didn't Love You. Most of the artists listed have songs I like better than ones listed! B-52's - I Want To Be a Lifeguard. ((That was by Blotto, but I've also added it to the list, a great song to be sure.)) Drug Songs - Panama Red, Red Red Wine, Don't Bogart that Joint.

Reply to Steve Emmert: To me a great athlete must excel in more than one sport; so I'd agree with Thorpe, who also played pro baseball and football. A modern example would be Dave Winfield, who was drafted by pro teams in four different sports.


((Note Stan's new address: 12036 S. Potomac St., Phoenix, AZ 85044. Next up, Kurt Ozog sent me a quick note which reminded me of a note that I had misplaced. Sheesh! I lost something on my favorite Rock and Roll band ever? That's also the title of one of their great albums. Shame on me.... here are the two notes.))

Kurt Ozog (Mon, 28 Dec 1998 08:21:03 -0600)

I thought so. Eric told you of my visit to Washington State earlier this year, when we were driving around downtown Seattle in Eric's big ghetto-cruiser, wearing shades and blaring the Rock & Roll album. Eric got me into them back when that album was released and I've been a follower ever since.

Have you seen them in concert? ((Have I seen them in concert???? Their 1983 and 1991 shows in Providence are my two favorite concert experiences ever. Go up on the web and look in issue #200. I think I reprint some of my concert comments from the time there. The key thing about them is that they are the best live band that I've ever seen.)) I finally managed to see them play here in Chicago back on July 4th for the Me tour, and I tell you, it was everything I expected from the Mekons - very loud, rowdy, gawdy, humourous, and of course, rockin'. As they took the stage, Sally Timms came on wearing some white hospital-looking outfit. Jon Langford says, ``We got a nurse on stage tonight, in case things get out'a hand..." ((And they ALWAYS do....)) They opened the show with the first track on Me, then proceeded to jam on ``Heaven & Back" - great tune! They mostly played material from Me with a few classics thrown in. ``King Arthur'' was a memorable tune and I picked up the Edge of the World CD later on. They closed the show with ``Memphis, Egypt'' (the jewel of all Mekons rock staples) ((This is the great anthem on The Mekons Rock and Roll.)) which nearly brought the roof down, followed by an equal jamming ``Curse'' (of the Mekons). Great show! I'm attentively watching for the next show. ``It's no joke I'm telling you"...

Cheers, Kurt, kozog of

((Damned straight. Another full convert. Great!))

Kurt Ozog (Thu, 06 May 1999 17:09:37 -0500)

Hey Jim. Have you heard about the new release on by the Mekons? ((I've heard about it, but don't have it yet. I'm not sure it is out in the States yet.)) Need I ask??? I think it's a cd full of b-sides and songs which never made it to albums, etc. I'm curious as to how good it is. Let me know.

Cheers, Kurt, kozog of

((I certainly will. I'll go look this weekend.))

Dick Martin (Thu, 22 Apr 1999 17:05:56 -0500)


more stuff to comment on than you can shake a stick at. and since i have to send in music votes anyways, might as well share em with you for a change.

let's see...i suppose it was a rhetorical question but who did the best sf movie (star wars), vietnam war movie (apocalypse now or platoon), cold war movie (dr strangelove), baroque costume epic (dangerous liaisons), best roman slave movie (who cares???) and best stephen king movie (shawshank redemption)? certainly not any one person... so what's the big deal about stanley kubrick? he hasn't put out a decent movie in 25 years! i'll agree that dr strangelove and clockwork orange are both exceptional pictures. 2001 is good at times, but mostly it's pretty boring. the rest of his films are interesting failures at best. how could one director be so overrated for so long? i might not even rate him in the top 20. he's not remotely in the same league as kurosawa, to pick another recently departed director. ((Well, I certainly worship Kurosawa as well, but we'll have to just disagree here. I'm really shocked if you didn't like Full Metal Jacket. It seems like it would have been just your kind of movie.))

prince...well, he's ahead of his time moving to the web & all. unfortunately his web site is chaos & disorder (hardy har har). i tried to order his latest 5 cd set through the web - 6 weeks later they called to confirm my order. ummm...cutting out the middleman might be a good move if you have decent distribution (he doesn't) and give a break to the buyer (at $60 for the set, he doesn't do that either). instead he's just thrown his career into limbo. but i'll go for it anyways cuz he's usually interesting and i can afford to splurge once in a while. and have you tried typing that funky symbol into a search engine? for now he should change his name to the artist formerly all. ( if you're curious and have a fast connection - lots of slow graphics here.)

anyone nominating ``needle and the damage done" as a party song, even semi-seriously, should be taken out and shot. party tunes should meet two simple criteria: 1) they must be danceable, preferably irresistably so; 2) you must be able to sing along, preferably at the top of your lungs & badly. nothing else need apply. ((See my comments on the Drug Bullpen elsewhere in this issue. No, I won't tell you where, you have to read it all....))

greatest sportsman of the century...well, i don't know a whole lot about the old-old timers. many of the best baseball guys lost their best years to war duty (williams, dimaggio, feller). i don't know beans about cricket. michael jordan is amazing but not even the greatest basketball player (wilt chamberlain, with kareem/bird/magic/jordan all close behind). guess there's only one choice left - wayne gretzky. oh yeah, or secretariat. ;)

well hmph...lots more to say but might as well get this in the email while i'm thinking about it. votes soon!


John Schultz (3-21-99)

Hi Jim, I think I might have screwed up the points on my voting last time, and I know I forgot to vote in the specialty areas, so I'll do it again. (5) ``Radar Love'' - Golden Earring; (5) ``Crossroads'' - Eric Clapton. B-52's - ``Rock Lobster''. Drug Votes: (3) ``Don't Bogart That Joint'' - Fraternity of Man.


Ian Moore (12-2-1999)

Hello Jim, I was amused by the note about tAP's being returned marked ``Gone Away''. I think I might originally have said that my address was 82 Ranelagh Road rather than village. ((Yes, you did....)) Actually, these are separate places as I was subsequently to discover, even though one flows into the other. I think 82 Ranelagh Road is a guest house of some sort so if a letter is received for someone who isn't there, they'll assume he has ``gone away.''

It's the party tape vote that's got me writing. I wish I'd written about this earlier as there are some totally monster tunes that should at the very least be on the ballot paper. But I am a slackmonger and haven't got it together till now.

I'm a bit confused by your voting system.... obviously I get the main vote, it's the same system used for the Frank's APA album of the year vote (usually won by whichever record gets voted for by three people), but I'm not really sure what the other ones are about. Oh well.

((Basically, I am giving bonus votes. I acceeded to the popular will that there needed to be a ``drug song'' break between all of the dancing songs, but I didn't want it to muck up the rest of the voting. This would be the point at which those who partake would go off in a corner and do their thing, while the rest of us dancing fools stand around getting bored wondering if and when they will come back. At parties where this occurs, and since my wife and I are in different groups, I usually go sit in a corner with some of the women and have deep philosophical discussions on the meaning of life and why men just can't pick up after themselves.... oh, yeah, and I decided that I ***MUST*** have a B-52's song and was seriously torn between a more recent song like ``Love Shack'' and one of the classics. I can't believe no one is voting for ``Mesopotamia'' but hey.... people can vote ``NONE'' in this class but risk royally pissing me off.))

So, here are some votes. Write-Ins Ahay! If I get the ball rolling early they might gather some moss.... ((Since I delayed this a bit, you have less time, but as a bonus, I've added a GM discretion vote to some of your monster additions, like KLF's sublime ``What Time Is Love?''.))

1) Rolling Stones, ``Sympathy for the Devil'' (surely all parties are as nothing without it).

2) The Kingsmen, ``Louie, Louie'' (is this song as much of an American institution as I think it is? Well why isn't it in the list?). ((Because people haven't voted for it. Sometimes institutions fall of their own weight, others are so lightweight they float away. This song is both. If it gets voted in fine, and it probably should be mentioned, but it won't get encouragement from me.))

3) Public Enemy, ``Bring Tha Noize'' not with Anthrax; get with the programme for Christ's sake, make strange pointing gestures and join in the ``Bass How Low Can You Go'' chorus thing, yeah right). ((I actually have the original myself, I can't recall who recommended the w/Anthrax version. Intuitively, I'm with you, see how I listed it above and we'll see what other comments we get. It gets a boost from me.))

4) KLF, ``What Time Is Love?'' (Not ``America - What Time Is Love?''... yeah cool, and it'll piss off people who think it isn't ``real'' music). ((You got this one with a bonus vote from me!! And also, you turned the page and BACKED up a number. Tricky. Didn't think I was paying attention, did ya? Well, since I was horrendously delayed in typing this up, you get your bonus Number Four pick.))

4*) The Shamen, ``Ebeneezer Goode'' (so you can join in the ``E's are good'' chorus in a knowing manner).

5) The Pixies, ``Debaser'' (because I'm listening to it RIGHT NOW). ((This one also gets a bonus vote from me.))

6) The Spice Girls, ``Wannabe'' (primarily to separate the sheep from the goats. I'll tell you what I want). ((Which is which, I'm definitely a goat and I find this song sickening.... but I'll take your vote!))

7) Nirvana, ``Smells Like Teen Spirit'' (so we can smash up whoever's house the party is in).

8) Morrissey, ``Last of the Famous International Playboys'' (Morrissey is the man). ((Listen to the original Smiths stuff and see if you still can choose these songs. This gets a bonus vote for ``How Soon Is Now?'' from me....))

9) Diana Ross, ``I'm Coming Out'' (there has to be a Chic track if this is a party! D. I. S. C. O.). ((I've added a couple of my favorite Disco tracks to the list this time too....))

10) Stone Roses, ``Fools Gold''.

As you can imagine, these get one vote each. ((Giving you eleven votes... hyork, hyork, hyork...))

B-52's track: ``52 Girls''.

Drug tracks: ``Ebeneezer Goode'' - The Shamen (MDMA); ``Revolution'' - Spacemen 3 (Heroin); ``Halcyon'' - Orbital (Halcion).

Bill Clinton, blah blah blah. The Senate acquitted him this evening, apparently, without even a majority to convict. There was a headline in a paper here: ``Clinton accused of looking for revenge'' which I found amusing, as though Clinton were going to say: ``Hey, you guys have made my life hell for the last year, but we're all still friends.'' ((That's how we all behave when we're stabbed in a Diplomacy game, isn't it???)) Clinton's very popular here because he's seen as having played some unspecified pivotal role in the peace process. God bless him.

I was thinking though, you know the way it was the lame duck House of Representatives that voted to impeach? Has anyone over there even thought it might be a good idea not to have the outgoing Congress sit for two months after it has been replaced? Over here the Dáil (very similar to the House of Commons) is dissolved about a month before the election and the new Dáil sits after the election. We're so clever here. ((You have to remember that all this stuff is codified in our Constitution which was written in the late 18th century. The reason for the delays was the communication difficulties in first communicating the results to the whole country and then assembling the elected officials in Washington. It certainly is now a bit of a anachronism. Perhaps a Constitutional Amendment is in order. Other thoughts?))

Now let's trawl through your lettercol. ((Let's see if we still all remember what this is about. [hides his head in shame for the delays...])) Rick Desper makes many interesting points. The thing to remember about the Continent (of Europe) is that either everyone there speaks English or they don't. If they don't you buy things by pointing at them. No problem. The only Czech you ever need to know is ``Dva Pivo, Prosim'' & ``Dejkuje!'' ((Let me guess, I shout these things in a pub as I down yet another mug of beer, right??))

I went to London for what I think is the first Frank's APA meet. You remember Frank's APA? It's the music APA you were in for a bit. ((Of course!! I'd still be in it if I could be consistent about writing for it, but I couldn't, not and do this szine too.)) The meet was a lot of fun, one night we went to the pub and drank hearty ales, the next we went to the new Central Mailer's place, a watertower shaped like a tower that's been converted into an apartment building. Some old members came along and are apparently rejoining. Nice. Meets are cool. ((Agreed, see the comments on the SF meet I went to a few weeks ago.))

There were a lot of spare copies of the issue printed up to give out to prospective members (using the fact that it's the 50th issue as a big selling point).

If any of your readers (or you yourself) likes music enough to want to write about it they should consider joining Frank's APA. Write for a free sample issue to: Adrian Barber, 14 The Water Tower, 1 The Straight, Southall, MIDDX, UB1 1QU, UK and say I sent you. As you know, Frank's has no official type of music that gets covered (it's not a Zappa APA, in fact he's seldom mentioned) and contributors write about the outré and the relatively mainstream. If you don't know what an APA is, get Adrian to explain. ((One of the things that I didn't like about it was how relatively mainstream a lot of the writers were. You and Marc Gascoigne (and two or three others whose names I no longer can remember) were the only ones who said much worth reading. Still, I would have stuck with it if I could have consistently met the standards. You have to write a certain number of pages each month and send them to the Central Mailer, who then collates everything and mails it back to everyone. I really like the szine format better, so choosing between continuing with Frank's APA and this szine was not difficult.))

Have you heard the reissue of the 1966 concert bootleg where an audience member calls Dylan ``Judas!'' for playing electric music with a band? ((I certainly know about it, and thought about buying it for Charlotte, who is a much bigger Dylan fan than I am [having even made the obligatory pilgrimage to Hibbing - a town not unlike Brunswick, ME where she grew up], but have not done so yet.)) It's an amazing record, firstly because of its crisp sound quality and then because of its content. This is the sound of cultural revolution, of folkies rolling into the dustbin of history, a near riot as half the audience applaud and the half slow-clap and heckle, all soundtracked by screaming amplified instruments. Probably the best live album ever (it's released under the name Live 1966 - The `Royal Albert Hall' Concert (and was recorded at the Manchester Free Trade Hall)).

I should really skim through some best of 1999 stuff. My memory always fails me here, but let's see what I can dredge up.

Albums:((Wow, what a list, thanks!!!))

Air, Moon Safari. The album of the year. Good music from France. Synthtastic, with chanteusey singers on some tracks, vocoders on others. Nice.

Mercury Rev, Deserter's Songs. The other album of the year. I'm a late convert to the Rev, the kind of person old fans hate. This is melodic and almost symphonic, hints of Phillip Glass in the more usual rock instrumentation.

Massive Attack, Mezzanine. Doomy, sampladelia from Bristol based glumsters who allegedly all hate each other. Great to listen to on Christmas day.

PJ Harvey, Is This Desire?. Switched on Polly, sometimes sounding like Nick Cave in drag, sometimes like someone who has just discovered synthetic music.

Mansun, Six. I may regret this as I've only just bought it. Mansun are the new Marillion. I'm not sure why that excites me so much given that I wasn't that much of a fan of the old Marillion. ((Perhaps they realize some of the promise that Marillion always teased us with. I was not a big Marillion fan either because I thought there was something a bit sterile about them. If Mansun rubs some dirt under its fingernails and then does Marillion's style, it could be quite fascinating. Is that it???))

Gigs: I'm not sure if I went to that many gigs. Let's think....

PJ Harvey in Dublin's Olympia - Polly is back playing guitar, and has her old drummer again, an act of momentous significance.

The Dirty Three in Dublin's Mean Fiddler - The Australian instrumental funsters the kids love to love. Challenging music, amusing stage patter.

The Super Furry Animals in Dublin's Olympia - Wales' best live band.

I probably went to some other gigs too.


The Big Lebowski - Film of the year, no contest. I love the way the Coen brothers make films. Sloner ((??)) attempts to foil kidnapping.

Saving Private Ryan - Apart from the ending (in which the raptors are suddenly eaten by the Tyrannosaurus) this is excellent, best war film ever, blah blah blah. Americans get killed in Normandy.

Buffalo '66 - A strange film, funny and poignant. I've tended to watch any crap if it has Christina Ricci since Addams Family Values, she can redeem anything. Oddly, this is another bowling film. Vincent Gallo plays self as product of world's most awful parents.

Karakter - Dutch film, so you won't have seen it. Amazing for its characterisation, its stylisation, its bonzer plotting and all that. Bloke's life is thwarted by evil father.

The Avengers - I think myself and three of my friends are the only people in the world who liked this. Fiennes and Thurman make a perfect couple, the whole thing is wonderfully stylish and camp, Sean Connery is hammy (as always). Yes. Beautiful people have slightly surreal adventures.

Spiceworld - Was that this year? Again, a very enjoyable film in which the Spice Girls do things. Roger Moore plays a villain with a pet pig. Spice Girls do the kind of things Spice Girls do.

OK, that's enough for now. Keep sending the zines! (Do you notice how ``Amazing'' is my general purpose positive adjective?)

Regards! Ian Moore, i_moore of, Flat 7, 82 Ranelagh Village, Dublin 6, IRELAND

((Nahhhh. Thanks a bunch!))

Steve Emmert (Thu, 6 May 1999 09:46:44 -0400)

Thanks, Jim.

You don't suppose that if Pete gets this Vienna job, he'll decide to punt this game . . . gee, what's the record for (1) the slowest game and (2) the most GM's in a game? (I doubt we're anywhere close to either such record, but this game just seems like some sort of a record to me.) ((You guys do what you want. I want Pete's subszine to stay right here, with Daf and Pete co-editing it. I'll put up with quite a bit, so if you guys want to move the game, you'll have to be much more proactive.))

Oh, I promised you NHL ramblings. ((So you did.... before they are all way out of date....))

As I type this, the Stanley Cup playoffs are down to eight teams, with the second round beginning tonight. The top three seeds in the east are gone again (I have this foolish belief that the playoffs are one round too long, and that New Jersey, Ottawa, and Carolina, having won their divisions, should still be playing right now. But I don't make financial decisions for the league), while the real powerhouse teams are in the west again.

I must begin by acknowledging the futility of trying to predict the Cup winner at the outset of the playoffs, or even this far in. One hot goaltender, even on an otherwise average team, can carry that team all the way. A key injury can flummox a team that's on a roll. I think there are more ``upsets" (defined only as a lower seeded team's winning a series) in hockey than there are in the other major sports, for reasons such as these. But here we go anyway:

TORONTO-PITTSBURGH - With Jagr hurt, Straka basically carried the Pens past the Devils. It didn't hurt that Barrasso got hot at the right time. The long series (7 games) meant that Jagr couldn't recover as well from his groin injury, so he's probably going to be less than 100for this series. I still think that's too much for Toronto, who is my mild rooting interest among the remaining teams. Joseph played lights-out goal against the Flyers, and Philly probably would have lost that series even with Lindros. If you like pwer plays, watch this series; both teams can shoot, but neither is worth a damn at killing penalties. The Leafs have some great young skaters, but there's far more playoff experience on the other side of the ice. I think the Pens take this one.

BOSTON-BUFFALO - Go back to my hot-goalie theory. If Hasek plays his normal game, then Buffalo has to be considered for the Cup finals. If he gets really hot, then they probably hoist the damn thing in June. But I can no more predict which goalie will get hot than I can predict how a jury will interpret one of my cases, and I'm no good at the latter; the best I can do is consider probablilities. If Boston gets good production from its second, third, and fourth lines - this means Thornton has to contribute points, not just hits - then they'll outscore the Sabres over the course of the series. My gut tells me it's more likely than not that Buffalo wins this series, but I have less confidence with this outcome than any of the other ones.

DALLAS-ST. LOUIS - By all rights, the Stars should cream the Blues right out of the Central Time Zone and head to the conference finals in four games. But it probably won't happen that easily. I think the Blues' best chance to take this series is to crowd Belfour every night, and try to overtax the Dallas defencemen. (Forgive the Canadian spelling; a habit I picked up some time ago.) Still, I think Dallas is so loaded, they'll advance with a few days off.

COLORADO-DETROIT - The best series of the second round. I will watch as many of these games as The Boss will let me. Colorado's first two lines are nonpareil. Detroit has more skating depth than any other team on the surface of the earth. The Avs have the best money-game goalie in the game in Roy. The Wings have the best young goalie in the NHL in Osgood (though if he's really got a bum knee, that's a very bad sign). The Kid (Bob Hartley) against The Master (Scotty Bowman) behind the bench. And the teams consider each other to be hated rivals, too! I expect everything but a knifing in this series. My prediction for this series depends on Osgood's condition: If he's okay, and plays pretty much throughout this series, then I think Detroit's depth will overcome the Avs' marvelous attack. Ranford is a fine backup, but if he has to play four or five times, then I say Colorado marches on.

The retirements of Gretzky and Elway, coming on the heels of Jordan's, have led several publications to list "Greatest Athletes of the Century." I suggest that your readership be polled to determine The Abyssinian Prince Top Athletes List. Your sophisticated readers will no doubt be immune to the main weakness of the other polls, which succumbed to the recency phenomenon (loading up on athletes from the past 30 years, to the exclusion of earlier guys. Where's Jim Thorpe on those lists? He's on mine.). What do you say, maestro?

The Evil Lawyer, Lse of

Rick Desper (Sun, 9 May 1999 11:58:29 -0700 (PDT))

I enjoyed John Harrington's detailed description of cricket. This helps me figure out just what the guys on CNN International are talking about. Having read the whole thing, I'm less convinced that Anil Kumble's achievement is so spectacular. Here's why:

All by itself, all that we know when we hear the Kumble got all the outs by himself is that he was much better at pitching than any of his teammates. If we knew more about the game, like what percentage of batters he turned into outs, than we could compare his performance to that of players on other teams. The fact that he achieved this in an international match does not make the feat more impressive. In fact, one would even expect this. Presumably it would be easier for his other teammates to get the batters out if they were, on average, of lower quality. ((I somewhat agree here. It requires that one player on the team ``does it all'' which is why it probably is closest to Wilt Chamberlain's 100 points in a basketball game record.))

Put it this way: you would expect Michael Jordan to score a lower percentage of his teams' points against the Clippers than against the Jazz because the Bulls did not really need His Airness's talents so much against the Clippers.

My opinion as to the greatest sporting feats of the century? (Not necessarily in any order).

Bob Beamon's long jump; Babe Ruth's home run explosion in the 20s - he averaged over 57 homers per year over a three year stretch; Wayne Gretzky shattering every NHL scoring record; Joe DiMaggio's 56-game hitting streak; Wilt Chamberlain's 100 point game; Rod Laver winning two Grand Slams; Mark Spitz dominance at the Munich Olympics; Pele leading Brazil to multiple World Cups, including one in Europe (the only time the World Cup has been won by a team not from the home continent); Bill Russell's Celtics winning 11 NBA titles and, well, this might bug some people, OJ Simpson getting 2000 yards in a 14-game season for a relatively mediocre Bills team.

I included the Celtics and excluded the Yankees just 'cause I hate the Yankees. Blatant bias and favoritism. :)

Rick, rick_desper of


``So I called up George and he called up Jim, I said let's make a deal.

He said he'd talk to him. Gonna start a church where you can save yourself,

You can make some noise, When you've got no choice...

You told me useful things, what people think of me, I guess I should thank you.

It's true, then I agree... I'm all alone, I've got no choice,

I'm all alone, I've got no choice."

From ``Got No Choice" by the incomparable Mark Cutler, from the CD Mark Cutler and Useful Things.

If you want to submit orders, press, or letters by E-Mail, you can find me through the Internet system at ``burgess of''. If anyone has an interest in having an E-Mail address listed so people can negotiate with you by computer, just let me know. FAX orders to (401) 277-9904.

Standby lists:

Mike Barno, Dick Martin, Brad Wilson, Jack McHugh, Glenn Petroski, Steve Emmert, Mark Kinney, Vince Lutterbie, Eric Brosius, Paul Rauterberg, Stan Johnson, Randy Ellis, Randy1964 of Heath Gardner, Phil Reynolds, Paul Kenny, Dan Gorham, and John Schultz stand by for regular Diplomacy.

Kurt Ozog, Mike Barno, Phil Reynolds, Jim Sayers, Troy Mooney, and Harry Andruschak stand by for the Colonial Diplomacy game.

Brad Wilson, Jack McHugh, Phil Reynolds, Jim Sayers, Randy Ellis, Randy1964 of and Kurt Ozog stand by for the Modern Diplomacy game.

Karl Schuetz stands by for the Colonia game.

Let me know if you want on or off these lists. Standbies get the szine for free and receive my personal thanks. I purged the lists of some out of date names and updated some others who wanted to be added. I'd really appreciate it if anyone wanted to be added to the lists, or put back on if I removed your name in error. I still am maintaining something I'm very proud of.... one of the lowest NMR and resignation rates in the hobby. I very seldom have to call on this bunch, but I appreciate your availability anyway.


Breaking Away is almost full for the next opening, see the sign-up list discussion under the game below.

The only Diplomacy oriented opening left is an opening for a game of Star Trek Diplomacy! This will be the last Diplomacy game opening until a game or two ends. Even though there has been no interest yet, perhaps some will develop if it is my only opening. See Stephen Agar's rules on his web page at:

There are two changes I am looking at when I start the game. First, I really want to name all the star systems after Star Trek locations. I have begun to do this already, but if someone wants to contribute significantly, or even volunteer to do it all, I will offer a free game start in the game. Second, after naming all of the systems, I think I want to nix the ``revolving rings'' rule. The game start is open now, and since I want to STRONGLY encourage press, you can sign up and ``claim'' a race. No interest in this game? I really want to run this. I guess I gotta work on my map and publish it.

I suppose I have to admit that no one is requesting Pontevedria, the North American game opening flyer, from Conrad von Metzke any more. You can contact Conrad by E-Mail at metzke of if you want to ask him about it. I'd be pleased to help anyone find other game openings on a personal basis too. The longer run solution might come out of the efforts of the Brits, on which we might be able to piggyback. If you are interested, contact Stephen Agar at stephen of or join the Brit hobby mailing list at:

(Sometimes I Feel Like) FLETCHER CHRISTIAN: 1999 ???, Colonia VIIb Diplomacy




CHINA (Acheson): has a PEKING, a WUHAN, a XIAN, f AMOY.








Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Gene Prosnitz, 2600 Netherland Ave., Riverdale, NY 10463, (718) 601-8131 ($5)

CHINA: Bob Acheson, 304-556 Laurier Ave., Ottawa, ONTARIO K1R 7X2, CANADA ($5)

racheson of

ENGLAND: John Power, 2021 Westcreek Lane, #20, Houston, TX 77027 ($5)

jrpower of

FRANCE: Terry Gamble, 201 Kenney Ave., Barksdale AFB, LA 71110 ($5)

velobus of

NETHERLANDS: Scott Morris, 12110 Shelbyville Rd., Louisville, KY 40243 ($5)

Scottm221 of

OTTOMAN: Stan Johnson, 12036 S. Potomac St., Phoenix, AZ 85044 ($5)

PORTUGAL: Robert Stimmel, Apt. #57, Casa de Sherry Apts., 2462 North Sycamore Blvd.,

Tucson, AZ 85712-2541 ($5)

RUSSIA: Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Dr., Greenfield, WI 53221, (414) 281-2339 (E-Mail)

prosit of

SPAIN: Heath Gardner, 3017 Mayview Road, Raleigh, NC 27607 ($5)

dweezil of or bassoon of

Game Notes:

1) I had a number of questions about starting positions, so I set up starting positions in the szine in this issue. Note we also will begin with 1751 as that is the correct starting date for this variant. Double thanks to Robert Stimmel for re-verifying this.

2) May we have a Miller Number for this game from Lee Kendter, Jr., please?

3) Note that Stan Johnson has moved.


(BOOB): No press! Aaaghhh!! How do you expect anyone to follow this if you don't write press??? See how the Secrets players get the idea....

SECRETS: 1999 ???, Regular Diplomacy



Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Harold Zarr, 215 Glen Drive, Iowa Falls, IA 50126-1957, (515) 648-2821 ($5)

ENGLAND: Jim Sayers, 15 Holdsworth Street, Woollahra 2025, AUSTRALIA ($10)

100233.513 of

FRANCE: Roland Sasseville, Jr., 38 Bucklin Street, Pawtucket, RI 02861, (401) 722-4029 ($5)

roland6 of

GERMANY: Richard Pinelli, 3042 Cherry Lane, Northbrook, IL 60062, (847) 291-7520 ($5)

drahcir of

ITALY: Luke Dwyer, Colgate University, Box J 1262, 13 Oak Hill Drive, Hamilton, NY 13346,

(315) 228-4625 ($5) Ldwyer of

RUSSIA: Chris Trent, 8553 Banff Vista Dr., Elk Grove, CA 95624, (916) 685-7772 ($5)

ChrisT98 of

TURKEY: Scott Munson, PO Box 1042, Gardiner, MT 59030, (406) 848-2102 ($5)

ABLodge of (Put Attn: Scott in your Subject since he shares this E-Mail)

Game Notes:

1) Conrad von Metzke, may we please have a Boardman Number for this game? Thanks very much!!

2) I don't think I have to list the starting positions for all of you guys, do I? I will list it next time just to be sure.


(KLINGON EMPIRE to WORLD): May you Die Well!

(STRAY GM ABUSE): I hope your visit to Richard included a game in which you were stabbed. It could not happen to a nicer player. ((Good move, it is always a good idea to build up points with the GM, so you can freely abuse another player when you need to do so!! You know, it was a pretty nice crowd, I was zapped a number of times playing Settlers of Catan, of course. My goal of learning how to play and learning how to like this game was accomplished. Richard's efforts to find a place for us to eat were a little bit less successful. To end up in a Boston Market, after traveling all the way across the country, did not reflect well on Richard's California roots..... hmmm, I guess Richard isn't in this game.... let's pick up on that again down below!))

(MOSCOW - EUROPE): I'd like to take this opportunity to make an official greeting to my counterparts across the Continent. After my Uncle Fyodor's untimely and lamentable passing last winter I reluctantly take the reigns ((sic)) of the great Russian Empire. I hope that history will speak the name Tsar Christopher kindly. In the meantime, best of wishes to everyone in this new century.

(FRANCE to WORLD): This is to inform all that we have no secrets. Our ambassadors have been in contact with certain Polish ambassadors from another game and they have revealed that a certain Mr. Desper, who may or may not catch this is in need of ``Secret" due to a foul odor emanating from his country. It is our hope that none of the players on this map will ever be in need of ``Secret" If they should please be assured that French factories will be producing copious amounts of cologne for those smelly knights (Ka Nigets) Remember, we are rude because we are French! ((Whoo, boy, are you really asking for it.....))

SADDAM HUSSEIN: 1999 Arn42, Nuclear Yuppie Evil Empire Diplomacy - Black Hole Variant



Winter 1901

AUSTRIA (Barno): has f TRI, a VIE, a BUD, and five nukes.

ENGLAND (S. Kenny): has f LON, f EDI, a LVP, and five nukes.

FRANCE (McCullough): has f BRE, a PAR, a MAR, and five nukes.

GERMANY (Weiss): has f KIE, a BER, a MUN, and five nukes.

ITALY (Reichert): has f NAP, a ROM, a VEN, and five nukes.

RUSSIA (Schultz): has f STP(SC), a MOS, a WAR, f SEV, and four nukes.

TURKEY (Gardner): has f ANK, a CON, a SMY, and five nukes.

Addresses of the Participants

Sandy Kenny, 23 East Coulter Avenue, Collingswood, NJ 08108-1208

Jody McCullough, 1071 Brown Avenue, Lafayette, CA 94549-3153

jodym of

Richard Weiss, Richard Weiss, 500 Beale St. # 104, San Francisco, CA 94105, (415) 512-7221

rcw of

Sara Reichert, 20805 Margaret, Carson, CA 90745-1224

John Schultz, #19390, W-M11L, Indiana Department of Correction,

Plainfield Correctional Facility, 727 Moon Road, Plainfield, IN 46168-9400

Heath Gardner, 3017 Mayview Road, Raleigh, NC 27607

dweezil of or bassoon of

Mike Barno, 634 Dawson Hill Road, Spencer, NY 14883

mpbarno of

Current Standings

01 02 03 04 05 06 07 TOTAL

Black Holed 15 15
Neutral  2  2

Total 34 34

Times GM Nuked  1  1
Greenland  1  1
Iceland  1  1

Game Notes:

1) Note that the next Spring deadline follows immediately. I hope everyone is ready!!

Press from the last multiverse:

(FRANCE): Build A Breast. Since reconstruction after nuclear attack is federal law, make that two which are symmetrical. ((Jody is the leader of the French nation now, you must have only dreamed of this reconstruction.... a pity that you cannot let go of the past, it bodes ill for your future. I think you're yeller....))

(FRENCHY MUSTARD RESPONDING to SARA REICHERT): Yessm, after an atrocious pun such as my build and seque comment, I must admit that I am a foney baloney dock. I never fly upside down - because I would ``quack up." Yes, a true descendent of the Barbers. A surgeon barber. My specialty is being pilloried in the media. Call me Don Quixote as I tilt against the windmills of variance in medical practice.

(SARA-WORLD): For the record, last movement turn I ordered my army from Prussia to Rumania via Black Holes Baltic Sea, Sweden, Norway, Norwegian Sea, North Sea, Holland, Belgium, English Channel, Mid-Atlantic Ocean, Portugal, Spain, Western Mediterranean, Tunis, Tyrrhenian Sea, Rome, Naples, Ionian Sea, Aegean Sea, Smyrna, Ankara, Constantinople, and Bulgaria. (22 Black Holes traversed, that's not too many.) ((No, it's not, you theoretically could go over 34 of them. Sorry for not printing your ``full'' orders last time. Try to save a little space and they come back to bite you!!! Hyork, hyork, hyork....))

(FRENCHY MUSTARD to ENGLISH PIG-BUGGERERS): Where do you sell pig Boogers? I know Mikey would LIKE some.

(FRENCHY MUSTARD to TURKEY LURKEY WITH NTD THIS TIME): Again mister, again. Three seasons with NTD. And may it be three more next year. And next year. And next year. And next year. But, in 1907 may you have each of your units survive.

(FRENCHY MUSTARD to READERSHIP OF THE BOOB REPORT): Boob came to SF and played a variety of games. Vini. Vici. Vomit. I believe is the ``street" version of Greek describing his play. As Edi Birsan correctly emailed from the English Postal Championships - we would find that Boob could not play anything. Well, he was bad as an amoeba, he was bad as a Settler and truthfully, only because of Charlotte did he win the game of Casting Plays. Thanks to all the German games provided by Rich Irving - no one could argue the rules with him, excepting Mark Lew who thinks he knows all languages. We had a great time, except for Jody, who left early - the only sane one. And for that, well, wait for the next bombs. Just don't listen to Booby's whining about my taking him for a quick bite to eat, getting lost 4 times, showing him half of SF and ending up in Boston. I only got lost three times - once was just to show him the new stadium.


(MIKE to SARA): ``One `Florence Murphy', abortionist, purportedly an American refugee, was arrested and tried for the crime of vitriolage, the flinging of sulphuric acid with intent to disfigure or maim. The victim, Marie Lemoine, wife of a prominent Lyons silk-merchant, was an apparent rival. But `Mrs. Murphy' had vanished from custody, and from all subsequent French police-records, during the first week of her trial as a vitrioleuse." (The Difference Engine, William Gibson and Bruce Sterling.)

(JODY - BOOB): I don't need any chit from you. ((Will you take it from Barno????))

(ENGLAND to RUSSIA): ``Babboon" was a purposeful misspelling of ``bassoon". Please, don't make me sic with persnickety nitpickiness, or I'll have to sick a nuke on you. ((Nyah, nyah, liar, liar, pants on fire!!! Do as thou wilt. I shall rise again, no matter what you throw at ME, but you're in last place.....))

(RICHARD-OLD FART): One Historical Tradition Point and one rake of the midships and you might sink that puny ship. ``Historical Tradition Point" when did you become the Daughters of the American Revolution? Are you the one who goes around putting up those signs about ``Historical Traditional View Point of Signficance?"

(SARA-HEATH): By the way, whatever happened to Naima Equinox? the deadline was supposed to be 5 March, and I still have not received it as of 5 May. Do you still want me to be on the standby list for the regular diplomacy game (assuming it ever got underway)? ((As you clearly haven't heard, Heath has been having ``money troubles'' and cannot afford to put the szine out. I don't know if or when he will resolve it. I hope we'll hear soon, as I hope Heath's szine keeps going!!))

(JOHN-SARA): Quit toadying to the GM. Saying thank you and crap like that. And if your last name is Kenny, why don't you answer Paul's question yourself. Don't you believe your own Father and Husband? ((One suspects that Sara toadies to EVERYONE, until she places her knife carefully between the sixth and seventh ribs on the left side of the back.))

(MIKE to JIM-BOOB): That book I quoted ties in nicely to our discussion with Peter Sullivan on ``If the Internet had been created earlier". The premise is that Charles Babbage had succeeded in his Analytical Engine project, resulting in steam-driven mechanical computers using punched cards. A mix of historically-based and fictional characters have their willing or accidental involvement in plotting among various interests, some of which depends on control of police information and a secret computer program. Of course there are Illuminati elements like brooding about being constantly watched by an all-seeing Eye. The book's core idea is interesting but the story could have been written much more tightly, the various elements could have been tied together better and resolved, and much more could have been done with it. The attempts later in the book to use a less novelistic style were done far better by Jack Haldeman in The Forever War, to name one example, and the book doesn't have the cyberpunk edge of the authors' other work such as Gibson's Neuromancer.

COME AND HAVE A GO (If You Think You're Hard Enough): 1998 V, Diplomacy


Winter 1901

AUSTRIA (Pollard): bld a vie, a bud; has a VIE, a BUD, f GRE, a GAL, a RUM.

ENGLAND (Tallman): bld f lon; has f LON, f BEL, f NWG, a YOR.

FRANCE (Morris): bld a par; has a PAR, f ENG, a SPA, a PIC.

GERMANY (Sayers): bld f kie, a mun; has f KIE, a MUN, f HOL, a DEN, a RUH.

ITALY (Munson): bld f nap; has f NAP, f TUN, a TUS, a VEN.

RUSSIA (Dwyer): bld f stp(nc); has f STP(NC), f SWE, a UKR, a FIN.

TURKEY (Barno): bld a con, a smy; has a CON, a SMY, f BLA, a SEV, a BUL.

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Kent Pollard, 1541 W. San Jose, Fresno, CA 93711 ($4)

ENGLAND: Terry Tallman, 3805 SW Lake Flora Road, Port Orchard, WA 98367, (360) 874-0386 ($5)

terryt of

FRANCE: Scott Morris, 12110 Shelbyville Rd., Louisville, KY 40243 ($5)

Scottm221 of

GERMANY: Jim Sayers, 15 Holdsworth Street, Woollahra 2025, AUSTRALIA ($10)

100233.513 of

ITALY: Scott Munson, PO Box 1042, Gardiner, MT 59030, (406) 848-2102 ($5)

ABLodge of (Put Attn: Scott in your Subject since he shares this E-Mail)

RUSSIA: Luke Dwyer, Colgate University, Box J 1262, 13 Oak Hill Drive, Hamilton, NY 13346,

(315) 228-4625 ($5) Ldwyer of

TURKEY: Mike Barno, 634 Dawson Hill Road, Spencer, NY 14883 ($5)

mpbarno of

Game Notes:

1) Not much going on....


(SOME LITERARY PRESS): Have you read these Clausewitz rules for European Strategy?

1. Never march on Moscow.

2. Never ally with Italy.

3. Never, ever, get mixed up in the Balkans.

(MORE LITERARY PRESS): Apropos of von Clausewitz's three maxims, I never cease to be astonished by the accuracy of DIPLOMACY, the game, to simulate Realpolitik. The other facet which intrigues me is the way that it reveals players' personalities. ((See the discussion above on personality types.)) Chess and Poker are supposed to be similar. I think all young people, women especially, should play a month or so of Diplomacy, to learn what human nature, particularly male human nature, is capable of - not a pretty sight. But then the game brings out the bastardry in the nicest people. Have you ever played a face-to-face game with a married or engaged couple? My, how the little grudges and jealousies are played out on the board. I always ally with a wife if I can, then go after the husband.

(SKYWALKER to ALL): These next five weeks of school will be tough for me, so bear with me on the communications. I am doing the best I can. Once I am on summer break, I expect things to be much better. ((Let me know when your address changes.))

SO GOOD IT HURTS: 1998 P, Regular Diplomacy


Summer 1902

AUSTRIA (K. Ozog): has a VIE, f GRE, a TRI, a SER.

ENGLAND (James): has f NWG, f IRI, f ENG, f NWY, a PIC.

FRANCE (Dwyer): has f MID, a SPA, a BRE.

GERMANY (Goesle): has a MUN, a BER, f KIE, f DEN, a BEL, a GAS.

ITALY (Rauterberg): R a tri-ALB; has a VEN, f ION, f TUN, a TYO, a ALB.

RUSSIA (Rusnak): has a WAR, a STP, f SWE, f SEV, a PRU, a RUM.

TURKEY (Emmert): has f AEG, f ANK, a BUL, a CON.

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Kurt Ozog, 391 Wilmington Drive, Bartlett, IL 60103, 630-837-2813

kozog of

ENGLAND: Drew James, 8356 Radian Path, Baldwinsville, NY 13027-9357, (315) 652-1956 ($5)

dkbn of

FRANCE: Luke Dwyer, Colgate University, Box J 1262, 13 Oak Hill Drive, Hamilton, NY 13346, (315)

228-4625; School Breaks Only: 49 Middlesex Drive, Slingerlands, NY 12159, (518) 439-5796 ($5)

Ldwyer of

GERMANY: Warren Goesle, 3907 Cedar Ridge, #1B, Indianapolis, IN 46235 ($5)

ITALY: Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Dr., Greenfield, WI 53221, (414) 281-2339 ($5)

prosit of

RUSSIA: Russ Rusnak, 1551 Highridge Avenue, Westchester, IL 60154-3428 ($5)

TURKEY: Steve Emmert, 1752 Grey Friars Chase, Virginia Beach, VA 23456-5436, (757) 471-1842 ($5)

Lse of or semmert of

Game Notes:

1) Not much going on here either, but much more press. Oh yes, one address change for Kurt Ozog.


(AUSTRIA - ALL): In preparation for the inevitable catastrophe that will fall upon Austria-Hungary, the Emperor has moved his headquarters to the far northwest Chicago suburb of Bartlett, IL. All diplomatic correspondence can still be forwarded to the Emperor by e-mail as usual. For Mekon Master Jim: please forward all further issues of Abyssinian Prince to 391 Wilmington Drive, Bartlett, IL., 60103. The Emperor's new direct number is 630-837-2813.

(SKYWALKER to DREW): .... And I have seen Germany attack France with one unit a million times.

(AUSTRIA - ENGLAND): I shall do my best, although an attack on Serbia is expected from Albania. It has been in our best interest to contain the ethnic hatred in the Balkans through military occupation, but it seems we are unable to control it. How ironic.

(BOARD to RUSSIA): Welcome to the Twentieth Century. Used your e-mail lately?

(FROM THE REICHSTAG): Oh, invade my country, will you? Try to slip into the Baltic Sea, will you? C'mon, puddem up, puddemmmm upppppp!

(FRANCE to ENGLAND): If that is all you are going to use it for and not attack France, that is fine with me.

(THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES to ENGLAND): America will never invade Europe, so you can relax. Honest; I'd never lie to you. Just ask my wife. Isn't that right, Hillary?

(ENGLAND to BOARD): Help! I just got attacked by Russia!

(GERMANY to BOARD): Help! I just got attacked by Russia!

(TURKEY to BOARD): Help! I just got attacked by Russia!

(SKYWALKER to ITALY): I will try and hold the corner as long as possible, but it will not be long before England comes knocking at your back door! I could use the help.

(STEVE to LUKE): Hey, I figured you'd be MAJORING in European Geography by now. I hope finals went well.

(LAWYER FOR HIRE): Member of Virginia State Bar, late of public sector practice, now available for private consultations. Liens filed; divorces arranged; subpoenas quashed; ambulances chased; assets hidden. More than reasonable rates (note the clever phrasing and the hidden meaning).

(SULTAN to KAISER): The first thing to remember in dealing with light sabers is to be careful; you can get hurt. Now take it in both hands, . . . yes, like that. Fine. Now, with your left thumb, go ahead and press that button, and hold it down. (Shhhhhhang!) Yeah, that's it! Feels pretty cool, doesn't it? Now let's wave it back and forth a bit, just to get the feel of it. (Vwooob, vwoob, vwoob!) Careful, now, you don't want to- oh, now you've cut someone, Goz. (Shhhhhooop!) I told you you had to be careful. HEY, IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE ZINE?!? WE NEED SOMEBODY WHO CAN REATTACH SOMEBODY'S ARM, AND - oh, never mind. Ther he goes, running away like crazy. Look, Goz, you've got to take care of your toys, and they'll take care of you, okay? At least that guy won't bother you any more. Hey, try it on Rusnak! (Shhhhhhhang!)

(SKYWALKER on COLLEGE HOOPS): Alas, my prediction of Siena fell right through the floor. And what a painful game to watch too. Although I was wrong on my SU prediction, they showed they did not belong in the tourney. What a great final game. I really thought the Dukies would hit a three to go to OT and then win in OT, but I have no problems with UConn winning. But, alas, UConn's win cost me $300 in a pool. Oh well.

(VIRGINIA BEACH): Had the parent-teacher conference at Callie's school yesterday, and it seems we're better parents than I had figured. I had the kid down as irretrievably spoiled, mostly by her useless, indulging father. But the teacher says she's okay. You know, you can pay some people to say anything.

(HAMILTON to VIRGINIA BEACH): Thanks, I'll need the all the luck I can get. If only European Geography was a class...

(SPORTS MUSINGS FROM THE DEPTHS OF NEW YORK STATE): My father brainwashed me well, so although living my entire life, including college, in New York State, I hate every sports team in New York, with the Yanks at the top of that list. Despite ``no Mo'' I still think the Sox will be good. ((They currently lead the ``wild card race'' again....)) SI predicted them in fourth last year too, so look out AL East. I like Nomar over Ramirez for the AL MVP, with Ramon (not Pedro) Martinez as the Cy Young (that may be wishful thinking). ((Ramon has spotted Pedro seven wins already and counting... if it comes true, the Yanks won't win the division.)) I agree with Emmert, no more expansion and even out the leagues, six teams in the NL Central is ridiculous.

(VIRGINIA BEACH to PROVIDENCE): Look, if you don't start being nice to me in Arsenic (as I'm definitely being nice to you, you must confess), I'll start inserting recycled Don Williams press here. That'll wipe out your readership. ((Whooo, tough threat. Williams is not endearing himself to me at this moment, perhaps we can work something out!!))

(OZZY OSBORNE to RUSNAK): Try this explanation on those whiners you're playing against:

``Mama's gonna worry, I've been a baaaad, baaad boy.

No use saying sorry; It's something that I enjoy."




Turn 7

67 (replenish with a 13): Kenny McCormick(Breaking Away Further!)
66 (no replenishment): Empty
65 (no replenishment): Empty
64 (no replenishment): Empty
63 (no replenishment): Empty
62 (no replenishment): Empty
61 (no replenishment): Empty
60 (no replenishment): Empty
59 (no replenishment): Empty
58 (no replenishment): Empty
57 (no replenishment): Empty
56 (no replenishment): Empty
55 (no replenishment): Empty
54 (replenish with a 3): Shemp, Curly, Bernard Spoke, Kyle Broslofski
53 (replenish with a 7): Larry, Alfred the Great
52 (no replenishment): Empty
51 (replenish with a 3): Peter
50 (replenish with a 4): Cottontail, Moe
49 (replenish with a 6): Sir Isaac Newton, Christoph Wheelhub, Eric Cartman, Flopsy, Stan Marsh,
John Logie-Baird, Mopsy
48 (no replenishment): Empty
47 (no replenishment): Empty
46 (no replenishment): Empty
45 (replenish with a 3): Alessandro Cyclotron
44 (no replenishment): Empty
43 (replenish with a 3): Damon Velodrome
42 (replenish with a 4): Barkin' Larkin', Broke Leg Meg, Shane the Chain
41 (replenish with a 7): Chasin' Jason
- S - P - R - I - N - T - - F - I - N - I - S - H - - L - I - N - E -
40 (no replenishment): Empty
39 (no replenishment): Empty
38 (no replenishment): Empty
37 (no replenishment): Empty
36 (no replenishment): Empty
35 (replenish with a 3): Will Shakespeare

Addresses of the Participants - Their Team and Their Cards

TEAM 1 (Farmer McGregor's Dinner): Eric Brosius, 53 Bird Street, Needham MA 02492

(0 points) 72060.1540 of CompuServe.COM

A: Flopsy 7 7 6 7
B: Mopsy 3 6 9
C: Cottontail 4 3 7
D: Peter 4 3 18

TEAM 2 (Chef's Crackers): Rick Desper, Bergheimer Strasse 114, 69115 Heidelberg, GERMANY

(4 points) rick_desper of or desper of

Coach is, of course, Chef
A: Stan Marsh (aka the Star Quarterback) 6 7 3 9
B: Kyle Broslofski (aka the Lonely Jew) 3 12 4
C: Kenny McCormick (aka the Pov) 13 4 3
D: Eric Cartman (aka the FatAss) 5 6 6

TEAM 3 (Goz Transportation Co.): Warren Goesle, 3907 Cedar Ridge, #1B, Indianapolis, IN 46235

(8 points) gozcorp of

A: Alessandro Cyclotron 3 3 3 8
B: Bernard Spoke 3 8 4
C: Christoph Wheelhub 6 5 9
D: Damon Velodrome 5 5 3

TEAM 4 (Brit Pack): John Harrington, 1 Churchbury Close, Enfield, Middlesex, EN1 3UW UK

(4 points) johnh of

A: Alfred the Great 18 4 7 9
B: Sir Isaac Newton 3 4 6
C: Will Shakespeare 4 3 3
D: John Logie-Baird 15 6 9

TEAM 5 (The Stoogecycles): David Partridge, 15 Elmer Drive, Nashua, NH 03062-1722

(23 points) rebhuhn of

A: Curly 3 8 4
B: Larry 4 7 4
C: Moe 3 4 3
D: Shemp 3 3 7

TEAM 6 (The Flat Wheel Society): John Schultz, #19390, W-M11L, Indiana Department of Correction,

(0 points) Plainfield Correctional Facility, 727 Moon Road, Plainfield, IN 46168-9400

A: Broke Leg Meg 4 15 9
B: Shane the Chain 4 9 10
C: Barkin' Larkin' 7 4 4
D: Chasin' Jason 7 16 7

Game Notes:

1) Since I like this game and am learning how to do this and have to put my new knowledge to good use, I will start another game. I'll keep the sign-up list here so that interested parties will see it as they peruse the szine. All games will start when they have precisely six players and for the moment I will keep the game opening list always on. This game will continue to be free, like Nuclear Yuppie Evil Empire. Currently in line for the next game (to be Version 2.3) are: Luke Dwyer, David Partridge, Rick Desper, Eric Brosius and John Schultz. I'm going to run this one, but David has volunteered to run a game in Tinamou, so when this second game gets started, I will be collecting interest to play the third game there. David should say which version of the rules he wants to use.


(KIDS - KENNY) Go, Kenny, Go!

(DESIGNER > TFWS): Why the hell are you asking me whether I could forsee things happening? I'm the only guy who has had a cyclist dropped! (I did at least see that coming 2 turns ago). I don't know about cruising speed, but when a sprint stage finishes then average speed tends to drift down with laggards taking the opportunity to catch up, whilst those at the front slow down to catch their breath. Thus the field should coagulate until the next sprint finish line looms at which point it should all explode again. If everyone gets their act together at the back this turn then I am expecting squares 41 to 47 to form a giant conga chain but if Damon Velodrome wanted to be very nasty he could leave square 43 blank which, if you have put Meg, Shane and Jason on 42 and 41 could be bad news for you. Did you risk it?

(DAMON to WILL): Stay right there. We'll pick you up on the way back.

(TFWS -BOOB): This worked for the tortoise.

(SPORTS REPORTER to WILL SHAKESPEARE): ``Tell me, Will. You must be disappointed to have come stone last. Where did it all go wrong, what could you have done better?"


Make use of time, let not advantage slip;

Beauty within itself should not be wasted;

Fair flowers that are not gather'd in their prime

Rot and consume themselves in little time."

(MYSTIFIED REPORTER to TV ANCHORMAN): What's all the fuss about this Shakespeare guy anyway? His plays are just a bunch of well known phrases strung together.

(WORLD - CHEF): Looks like Kenny's going to kill us!

(BROSIUS - CARTMAN): How's this?

(ERIC - ERIC): What do you have against a little confusion?

(ERIC - ERIC): Bite your fudgesicle!

(GOZ TRANSPORTATION CO., QUARTERLY REPORT to THE PARENT COMPANY, GOZ & CO., INC): Profits off $16M this quarter as expected due to outlays to tighten up the company, which didn't work either. The Chairman is calling for a meeting of all the divisions, to be held at the finish line at the earliest time that can be worked into everyone's schedule.

If this were a velodrome I'd slow down Circus Maximus style and knock you blighters off your bikes when you come round to lap me - William Shakespeare

(GOZ to CHEF): Ok, I'll head on up your way. Where the Hell will you be?

(CHEF - FIELD): Everybody check out the kids this summer in our feature film! It will be much better than the Beavis and Butthead movie!

(GOZ to FARMER MAC): Oops. You'd think an engineer could count.

(JOHN LOGIE-BAIRD): Anyone know where the bloody hyphen goes in my name, if at all? As I invented television I presume I have the TV rights to this race, and I'm telling you all that if the Brit Pack don't win you can forget about TV coverage for the next race. Think of the collapse in your merchandising deals! Your sponsorship deals! In short, everything that makes modern sport grate! [sic]

(CHEF - KYLE): If John Logie-Baird gets near your chase pack, slap Curly in the back of the head, and tell him that Larry did it. The ensuing Cream Pie fight will certainly slow Mr. Logie-Baird down a little bit.

(ALFRED THE GREAT to WILL SHAKESPEARE): When it comes to riding a bike fast it's more important ``what's on it" than ``what sonnet".

(DESIGNER - TFWS): Actually, Will Shakespeare is going to lead a charge in the last turn and win it all. You colonials will be stunned!

(TFWS - > VEGAS ODDS): I resent my 50:1 odds to win. And GT Co. at 4:1? Are you nuts? I resent that none of my riders were offered odds to win? I resent Barkin' Larkin' being given odds to drop. (PS I'll take some of that 8:1 on the Brits.)

(CHEF - STAN): If Alfred tries for a break, put a stick in his wheel.

Don't worry Isaac, success is only relative - Einstein

My only relative is not very successful - Newton

(CHEF - ERIC): If Peter tries to pass you, sit on him.

(TFWS - MCGREGOR): I thought you were hanging back with me. I wsa hoodwinked, me thinks.

(FIELD - WHOEVER): When did any British show ever look as good as the Stooges? ((Do you REALLY like the Stooges....))

(BUNNIES-BOOB): Any red-blooded American male is expected to love the Stooges. If he doesn't, he must at least pretend to avoid being taunted by his friends. I actually do enjoy the Stooges if I'm in the right frame of mind. Also, women uniformly hate the Stooges, so if you want some male-only comradery, you can get it by watching the Stooges. ((Humph.... I suppose. The only Stooges bits I ever liked was the ones where they were playing surgeons.))

To make you run faster I suggest some syrup of fig, Newton

``Be not afraid of going slowly, be afraid of standing still" - Chinese Proverb

(FLOPSY - CHEF): I'm getting rid of that pesky `6'; I hope I can replace it with a `7'!

(CHEF - BOOB): I know you said ``no performance enhancement allowed", but a stick in the wheel could hardly be called an ``enhancement", could it?


(A rabbit, a short guy with a really bad haircut, and a fancy British guy wearing really outmoded fashions have arranged for a meeting in a parking garage)

Shadowy Figure: So, I hear you guys have a problem.

Moe: You bet we've got a problem! This kid is going to murderalize our team!

(The Brit cringes)

WS: My vocabulary is the biggest in the history of the English language, and I can assure you that ``murderalize" is not a word.

Moe: I'll show you a vocabulary! (He proceeds to poke the Bard square in both eyes.)

WS: Youch! Worthless knave, I'll eviscerate you and feed your entrails to scavengers!

Moe: I don't even understand anything you're saying. (He moves to perform another patented Eye Poke).

(The bunny hops between the two would-be combatant and squeals)

Cottontail: rustle, rustle, rustle (just what sound do rabbits make anyway?)

WS: Our long-toothed friend is correct, we must focus on the task. (to shadowy figure) You know of our problem with the McCormick kid. Can you arrange for help? Perhaps a nice ambush at the 70 marker?

SF: (shadowy figure) Well, this would appear to be quite an oppurtunity. ((sic.... tell me it ain't so...)) This McCormick kid has been dragging on my audience for the past year and a half. The time has come to draw the line.

Moe: So you can do it?

SF: With pleasure. I'll get this squeaky kid no matter what.

Moe: Just who are you, anyway?

(the shadowy figure steps into the light, revealing the characteristic yellow skin, four-fingered hands, and wavy haircut) SF: I'm Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?

(KENNY - FIELD): Woo-hoo!

(BOOB to KENNY): Hurry up and get it over with already..... we're bored waiting for it. Tune in soon, for the installment you've all been cringing over.... yes, Who Killed Kenny!?!?!?!?!?

FEAR AND WHISKEY: 1998Ers31, Modern Diplomacy



Fall 1998

BRITAIN (Schultz): f NWG C a cly-lap, a cly-LAP, f NOR S a cly-lap, a AUV-nav,

f SWE S GERMAN f bhm-bal, f sao-POR, f BOR S a auv-nav, f MAO S f sao-por.

EGYPT (J. O'Donnell): f lbs-LIB, a MAC S TURKISH a ist-bul, a ANA S TURKISH a ank,

f tun-ALG, a GEO S TURKISH a ank, f EME h.

FRANCE (Andruschak): f mon S a mar (d ann), a mar S f mon (d ann).

GERMANY (Rauterberg): a PRU S f lit-gda, a sax-SIL, a sil-WAR, a cze-KRA,

a LYO S a swi-mar, a swi-MAR, f lit-GDA, a PAR-auv, f bhm-BAL, a SLO S a cze-kra.

ITALY (Ozog): a tus-VEN, f rom-TYS, a mil-AUS, f ION-eme, a pie-MON,

f LIG S a pie-mon, a hun-SER, f ser-ALB.

POLAND (Sasseville): a BIE S a lat-lit, f gda S a lat-lit (d ann),

f bal S a lat-lit (d r:gob,lat,otb), a POD-kra, a lat-LIT.

RUSSIA (Goranson): a MOS S UKRAINIAN a crp-bie (nso), a STP S a mos, a FIN-lap.

SPAIN (S. O'Donnell): a GIB h, a NAV S a mad-por, f sog-SAO,

a BAR S a nav, a MAD-por.

TURKEY (Pollard): a KAZ-vol, a ANK S EGYPTIAN a geo, a IST-bul,

a AZE S EGYPTIAN a geo, f AEG-ist, a GRE S a ist-bul.

UKRAINE (Partridge): f EBS-geo, a ROS-vol, a crp-KIE, f WBS S a bul,

a ODE S a crp-kie, a CAU-vol, a RUM S a bul, a BUL h.

Supply Center Chart

BRITAIN (Schultz): EDI,LIV,LON,ire,nor,mor, (has 8, bld 1)
EGYPT (J. O'Donnell): ALE,ASW,CAI,isr,sau,lib,geo (has 6, bld 1)
FRANCE (Andruschak): none (out)
GERMANY (Rauterberg): BER,FRA,HAM,MUN,den,hol,bel, (has 10, bld 4(PLAYS ONE SHORT))
ITALY (Ozog): MIL,NAP,ROM,VEN,cro,ser, (has 8, bld 1)
POLAND (Sasseville): lit,bie (has 3 or 4, rem 1(r:otb) or 2)
RUSSIA (Goranson): GOR,MUR,STP,MOS (has 3, bld 1)
SPAIN (S. O'Donnell): SVE,MAD,BAR,gib,tun (has 5, even)
TURKEY (Pollard): ADA,ANK,IST,IZM,gre,irn (has 6, even)
UKRAINE (Partridge): KHA,KIE,ODE,SEV,ros,rum, (has 8, rem 1)
Neutral: none (Total=64)

Addresses of the Participants

BRITAIN: John Schultz, #19390, W-M11L, Indiana Department of Correction,

Plainfield Correctional Facility, 727 Moon Road, Plainfield, IN 46168-9400

EGYPT: Jeff O'Donnell, 402 Middle Ave., Elyria, OH 44035-5728, (440) 322-2920 ($4)

FRANCE: Harry Andruschak, PO Box 5309, Torrance, CA 90510-5309, (310) 835-9202 ($5)

GERMANY: Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Dr., Greenfield, WI 53221, (414) 281-2339 (E-Mail)

prosit of

ITALY: Eric Ozog, PO Box 1138, Granite Falls, WA 98252-1138, (360) 691-4264 ($5)

ElfEric of

POLAND: Roland Sasseville, Jr., 38 Bucklin Street, Pawtucket, RI 02861, (401) 722-4029 ($5)

roland6 of

RUSSIA: Rich Goranson, 10 Hertel Avenue #208, Buffalo, NY 14207-2532, (716) 876-9374 ($3)

ForlornH of

SPAIN: Sean O'Donnell, 126 S. Park, Oberlin, OH 44074, (440) 774-2928 ($5)

TURKEY: Kent Pollard, 1541 W. San Jose, Fresno, CA 93711 ($10)

UKRAINE: Dave Partridge, 15 Elmer Drive, Nashua, NH 03062-1722, (603) 882-3523 ($8)

rebhuhn of

Game Notes:

1) Check out the Modern Dip web page at: Cyberia/modern.htm

2) Thanks to Harry Andruschak for playing out the French position. That's one country down, nine still standing, but Poland also is starting to look pretty weak.


(THE MEKONS QUOTE OF THE MONTH): ``The foul breath of the lower mouth becomes a jewel. Jewels can't be cut except with special tools. You had to cut me open, I was so closed. The blood of a rose.'' From ``Ostracism's Song to Pussycat'' off of the Kathy Acker/Mekons co-production, Pussy, King of the Pirates.

(P-B): Poland calls upon their British Expeditionary force to do all in its power to defeat German aggression.

(S-P): Too bad!

(THE FIGHTING CZECHS to THE WANDERING POLES): So stand still and do battle, then! See what that gets ya!

(SPAIN to BRITAIN): Go for Russia and pull out of the sao and below it. I want to stay down here, but if we continue this war then I'm going to have to go all the way North to get to you. You have to be in range of two provinces for me to want to knock you down and Bor isn't a big enough target Though it would be easier to defend then Mar,Par,Lyo.

(FRANKFURT to MADRID): Uncle Jeffie can't help you to defend Navarre, now can he? And is he defending you in Africa...or is he helping himself?

(SPAIN to FRANCE): Just think if you wouldn't have stabbed me, Germany, Britain and Italy would have to take both of us plus Jeff. This would have been a different game. Then again if I and Jonas got along it would be an even different game cause we would have attacked you sooner.

(BRITAIN - > T, U & E): Wow, you guys are really having some fun over there. Something in that Black Sea and East Med water, I guess.


(G to E/T): If you didn't keep Geo between the two of you, you'd really BETTER call home....

(ITALY-EGYPT&TURKEY): Yo ho ho, a pirate's life's for me!

(JEFF O'DONNELL - HARRY): Why is it that every time you Democrats take power, you create out of pure incompetence, a foreign policy disaster?

(MUNICH to ANKARA): You are your own worst enemy, oh ``mighty" scion of Allah! Let us place your orders for you for a couple of seasons, and note a marked improvement....

(ERIC-JIM BOB): There must be at least one ``Triple Flip" or Life has no meaning. ((You know it, black hearted one!! I'm all in favor of that. The Duck and I have been through about three Triple Flips in ``Farts''. It was his turn and he just hosed me this turn.... you guys haven't seen it yet.))

(BERLIN to POLAND): Well, you're going to lose 2 centers no matter what you do.... You COULD have annihilated our F Lit if you ordered F Gda-Lit supported by Lat and Bie. Did you do it?

(P-U): I hope you were nice though I am not worthy.

(BOOB to GERMAN BLITZKRIEG): I think that says it all.... no, he didn't do it. Someone must be allied with poor Roland!!

(THE ITALIAN PRIME MINISTER to THE CITIZENS OF ITALY): We are now allied with Ukraine. We have always been allied with Ukraine.

(JEFF O'DONNELL to AN UNBELIEVING WORLD): 40 years before the Supreme Court, led by liberal Democrats, took prayer and God out of public education, violence in schools was unheard of. 40 years after prayer and God were outlawed, violence in our schools continue to escalate. The conclusion here is too obvious. ((Sorry, that's a logical fallacy of tremendous proportions. I'm with those who believe that parents, with help from ``the Village'' not being as active and aware in the schools is the problem. People issues can't be generalized and they're really hard to solve, but they must be solved. Prayer, much as I might like it as an individual, along with every other single initiative, won't work.))

(BAD CZECH to BOUNCING BULGARIAN): Did you salvage the situation by moving A Bul-Ist (while cutting Ank's support)?

(ITALY-GM): I feel so bad, Jim! Yes, it is good to feel bad. ((Uhhh, right... I understand completely! But I'm not sure Kent does.))

(BERLIN to CAIRO): Defending young Sean is a worthy way to mark time, I'm sure, but what will you do when others aren't ``too busy" to attack YOU?

(ROME-ANKARA): You must renounce your relationship with the Little Pharoah or Turkish civilization will turn to dust.

(THE GREATER REICH to WORLD): All this elbow room really gives one space to swing....

(ROME-MARSEILLES): Bon voyage to the netherworld!

(SPAIN to BURGESS): I have only, but begun to fight!

(PRUSSIA to DANZIG): Yank the fleets; they started our war in the first place.

(ANONYMOUS): Did anyone see Monica Lewinsky's interview on Barbara Walters? I have to say that her version of the story is hard to swallow! ((And did everyone see her on SNL this past weekend? As it does to everyone, the TV camera added 20 pounds to her and she looked.... well, there isn't any pleasant way to say it, porky. BUT, she was REALLY good in the skits. There is no question that she will find a career in the media and do very well for herself.))

SHOW ME THE MONEY: 1997Mea04, Colonial Diplomacy


Winter 1905

BRITAIN (York): bld a del; has a DEL, f OMAN, a KAG, a KAR, f RS,

f HK, f SIN, a ASS, f PER, f AS, a TIB, f NAN, f MAL.

FRANCE (Sasseville): has f ANN, a MAY, f GOS, f BAN(EC), f SCS, a CAN,

a RAN, a BEN, a U.BUR, f FOR.

HOLLAND (Desper): has f BOR, f EIO, f SUL.S, f JS, f MP, a SUM, f SUN.S, f LS.

JAPAN (Dwyer): R a mac-P.ART; has a KYO, a SHA, a VLA, f UP, f ECS,

a P.ART, f OS, f YS, f SOJ, a SEO.

RUSSIA (Williams): bld a omsk; has a OMSK, a ORE, a AFG, a IRK, a TAB,

f MED, a ARM, a MON, f MAC, a SHI, a KAM, a PEK, a SIK, a CHU, f SYR.

TURKEY (Tallman): R a syr-ARA; has a ARA, f EGY.

Addresses of the Participants

BRITAIN: Andy York, PO Box 201117, Austin, TX 78720-1117

wandrew of

CHINA: Rich Goranson, 10 Hertel Avenue #208, Buffalo, NY 14207-2532, (716) 876-9374 ($5)

ForlornH of

FRANCE: Roland Sasseville, Jr., 38 Bucklin Street, Pawtucket, RI 02861, (401) 722-4029 ($8)

Djrolandb of

HOLLAND: Rick Desper, Bergheimer Strasse 114, 69115 Heidelberg, GERMANY (E-Mail)

rick_desper of or desper of

JAPAN: Luke Dwyer, Colgate University, Box J 1262, 13 Oak Hill Drive, Hamilton, NY 13346, (315)

228-4625; School Breaks Only: 49 Middlesex Drive, Slingerlands, NY 12159, (518) 439-5796 ($4)

Ldwyer of

RUSSIA: Don Williams, 27505 Artine Drive, Saugus, CA 91350, (661) 297-3947 ($5)

wllmsfmly of

TURKEY: Terry Tallman, 3805 SW Lake Flora Road, Port Orchard, WA 98367, (360) 874-0386 ($0)

ttallman of

GM: Jim-Bob Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327, (401) 351-0287

Game Notes:

1) Thanks to Rich Goranson for playing out the game as China.

2) One of the things I didn't get to last time (see szine header discussion) was the draw proposal that was supposed to me made here. Here it is now: a BFJHR draw is proposed. Please vote with your Spring orders. If you fail to vote, the draw cannot pass. For those new to draw votes around here, I keep pretty tight lipped about proposals and results from those proposals. Sometimes I even ask you to be mind readers....


(DUCK to GM): You know, my press items would have made more sense to the assembled throngs last month had they known I proposed a DRAW!!!! ((What???? They couldn't read your mind???? Didn't you tell them anyway???? Aw, OK, you can vote on your silly little draw.....)) Nice going, Fearless Bleeder.... can we try to vote on BFJHR this turn? ((There it is, go to it Darth.))

(SKYWALKER to BOOB): That would be my father starring. I have had my 15 minutes of fame.

(F-J): Luke, glad you did not go over to the Dark Side.

(LUKE to F): No, no, no, that is my father who will be straying over to the dark side, in the upcoming movie this May. ((Tickets on sale now....))

(SKYWALKER to F): UFO Fleet? You have an Unidentified Flying Object Fleet?

(RUSSIA-HOLLAND): A solo win for Russia would not necessary be a bad thing. Come over to the Dark Side, Annakin.... ((sic, gosh, isn't there enough coverage of this silliness int the media. May we believe that you are speaking of Anakin Skywalker? Naw, you're just lost down your logical toilets....))

(ARCHANGEL to AMSTERDAM): Are you sure you won't reconsider? While attacking Britain or France might - in your book, not mine - lead to a Russian victory, your attack on France will definitely lead to a British one. I mean, look at him - we haven't liberated a single center of his since game start and it's only getting worse. Rethink.... rethink.... rethink....

(SKYWALKER): I miss using my nuclear bombs from NYEED to put you into the stratosphere with, can I get just one for this game to obliterate you with?

(F-H): You attacked me for shits and giggles? With Diplomatic policies such as that you should fire the ambassador. My door is still open. ((Open doors seem to be met with hordes of troops crowding through them in this game.... they also seem to attract lots of yapping by the wild hounds....))

(ODESSA to BORNEO): Do you really want to do this? My concern is not a French victory, but a victory by one of the Island Powers. Islanders apparently get claustrophobic on those dry little parcels surrounded by all that ocean, and this apparently leads to delusions of empire. Japan will finally defeat the heroic but heavily outnumbered F MAC this year. Once that's done, his expansion west will be stopped - he will not prevail against me past the VLA-MAC-SHA line where his fleets are useless. Where do you think he'll go next? Rethink... reconsider... re-act....

(MOSCOW to TOKYO): I admire your staying power, Dwyer-san. Are you sure there can be no peace now that my last dreadnought is to be sent to the murky deeps?

(F-B): Perhaps we can still do something about the treaties set up by your predecessor?

(RUSSIA to FRANCE): Hmmm, you think maybe we should talk?

(ODESSA - > EGYPT): I offered you a 14-center puppet. You agreed. You gave me my moves. You double-crossed me. Don't understand it, don't need it. So much for puppet masters.

(DUCK to FLATTERING DUTCHMAN): Can you waddle? To be one with the Duck, you got to waddle. Terry couldn't waddle. Goranson... a waddleless forlorn. Show us yer waddle, pal, and you can come home.

(WORF to HOLLAND): ``Do not kill an animal unless you intend to eat it" (Klingon Way p163).

(BOOB SPEAKS FOR THE DUTCH): Let them eat static....

Diplomatic Immunity Scoreboard, Dynasty of Doom

TURKEY Forty more years in the desert?
BRITAIN Keeps everyone else fighting while she slowly expands.
CHINA Emperor Goranson goes with dignity and class, raging against
the dying of the light. Well done, Rich.
RUSSIA Siberian Tiger? Try stuffed toy. At war with Britain,
Japan, Turkey, and... Holland?
Tsay it ain't tso, Tsar.
PRESS SLUGS Press Section apathy rocks!
FRANCE Something you said... and said... and said?
Charlotte The GM's better half...
GM ... the other half.

COLUMBUS CHILL: 1993 J, Regular Diplomacy



Spring 1922

AUSTRIA (Davis): a bud-VIE.

FRANCE (Zarr): a mar-pie (d ann), f SPA(NC) h, a POR S f spa(nc).

GERMANY (Jones): a kie-MUN, a SIL S a gal (otm), f bel-PIC, f BRE S a par-gas,

f MID-spa (no coast specified), f ENG-mid, a BUR S a gas-mar, a GAL-bud,

a MOS-sev, a vie S a mun-tyo (d ann), a BOH S a mun-tyo, a mun-TYO, a gas-MAR, a par-GAS,

a UKR-rum, f IRI S f eng-mid, f NAO S f eng-mid.

TURKEY (Weiss): a BUL-rum, f TUS-bel (imp), f BLA S a bul-rum, a RUM-gal,

a tyo-boh (d r:ven,otb), a TRI S AUSTRIAN a bud-vie, a SER-bud, f GOL S FRENCH f spa(nc),

a SEV S a bul-rum, f WES S f naf-mid, f NAF-mid, f PIE S FRENCH a mar (otm),

f ADR S GERMAN a mun-tyo (imp).

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Rick Davis, 1130 Hevrin Cr., Soledad, CA. 93960, (831) 678-2132 days, (831) 678-4470 eve.

redavis914 of

FRANCE: Harold Zarr, 215 Glen Drive, Iowa Falls, IA 50126-1957, (515) 648-2821

GERMANY: Charles Jones, 1722 Quail Circle, Corona, CA 91720-4155, (909) 735-8981

RUSSIA: Eric Schlegel, 314 Fords Lane, Aberdeen, MD 21001, (410) 272-3314

TURKEY: Richard Weiss, 500 Beale St. # 104, San Francisco, CA 94105, (415) 512-7221

rcw of

GM: Jim-Bob Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327, (401) 351-0287

Game Notes:

1) The concession to Germany fails. Amazingly enough, there are no new proposals, including ``nobodies'' or not.


(GERMANY >> > TURKEY): You would think that draws with nobodies are cool. Your low HOF rating should give you a clue as to what's cool and what is not cool, or un-cool as the saying goes. It is clear from your press and play that you are not serially trying to get a win when you play a game. You must just be interested in writing a bunch of bullshit press, and feeling cool because you did so. ((What about me???? Don't I get any credit for this????)) If you have to do stupid things to feel cool, you are un-cool by definition. By the way, I thought that all the negative press was offensive to you? I guess that negative press is only offensive to you when you are on the losing end of the debate. Just like negative words used by your kids at dinner are OK if they are your negative words and shock their grandma, but negative words you don't like are un-ok. Harold is smarter than you are and can out press you, I can out move you. If you like to write press, you'll love the chat rooms on the internet. You can spend hours writing messages to losers, who also love to deal with people through the press of the wed page.

(TUR-GER): What, me worry? Picture Europe 73 cover.

(FRA-TUR): I'll be happy when Germany wins this game.

(GERMANY >> >> > JIM-BOB): What is/was the longest running game in The Abyssinian Prince. (In game time, please.) My bet is we go longer. Richard enjoys writing press too much to let this game die, and I am too stubborn. ((Well, this already is the longest game the szine has yet seen; however, I picked it up in 1908, so this is only the 15th game year here. I've had a couple of games go about that long, I can't recall which one was the longest.... but it STILL is right there if not beyond the record. The game still might end in a win, perhaps even this game year, though losing Vienna decreases that chance considerably. Feel free to go as long as you like.))

Personal Note to You:

File translated from TEX by TTH, version 1.66.