April 1, 1999

Produced by Jim Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327 USA, (401)351-0287

Accessible through Internet at burgess of; FAX to (401) 277-9904

``Hi! crackpot lamebrain." is an anagram of ``Michael Patrick Barno". Submitted by Michael Patrick Barno his self. Now, the question is, is he saying that to all of us or are we saying it to him!!

Through some herculean efforts on my part, this szine is more or less on time, especially to the players. See one apology to the postal mailers in the Music Section below. I still don't have everything in here that I wanted, so I'm still holding some things, but we're slowly getting caught up. Luckily for all of you, the next deadline comes after tax day. I don't have mine done yet, so I have to get this out the door so I can do that!!

More generally, I have to apologize to nearly everyone for the mess of the way that the last issue went out by mail. I have a very cheap ``do-it-myself'' copying deal that allows me 5 cents per double sided page (equivalent to 2.5 cents per page just about anywhere else). This is GREAT when it works, but when machines break down, either completely or just in the stapler (some people may notice that I hand stapled your last issue) it becomes a big problem. I did some copies of the last issue at that higher ``twice the price'' rate but I really couldn't afford to do all the issues that way. Everyone went into a priority list hopper and I mailed them as soon as I could. I don't like to do things that way, and hope I won't have to again. The priority was basically first to players who had no E-Mail/Web access, then to other players, then to subbers, then to traders, and then to other assorted hangers-on. I made the web version available earlier than I usually do, a day or two after I made the very first mailings, but the rest of the issues took as long as a week and a half after that to get out. Thanks for the understanding messages I received (a lot of them this month) asking how I possibly keep this monster up and going in general.


The postal sub price is a flat $1.00 per issue in the US and Canada, a bargain at twice the price.... but you can double that for other foreign subbers (or $2.00 per issue sent airmail). Players in current games and standbys will continue to get the issues for free, and future game starts (except for Nuclear Yuppie Evil Empire Diplomacy, which is free) cost $20.00 ($15.00 for a life of the game subscription and $5 for the NMR Insurance). Note the price increases for games, with the rates for subbing to the szine holding fixed for the moment. I'm not going to start any more new games (other than the Star Trek game) until some games end.

Check out the connections in the Diplomatic Pouch with all of the information you need to play Diplomacy on the Internet at:

Through Stephen Agar's (having recently taken this over from Jamie McQuinn) Postal portion of the Pouch:

the szine resides in html format. Presently, issues from #190 to the current issue are there, and I will be updating the back issues gradually in the near future.

The most recent issue also can be accessed through David Wang's and Pete Sullivan's web pages:

1) David has grabbed and reserved the HIGHLY prized name:!! His ``version'' of this szine is somewhat more html.friendly than the one I created, so please check it out. David Wang's site also allows you to follow John Caruso's postal baseball league that I am in.

2) No word on when Pete Sullivan will return to these pages. I hope it is very soon. For the latest information and the most recent issue of Pete's subszine check out:

By electronic mail, through the Internet, subs are free and can be obtained automatically by sending the message: subscribe tap

to majordomo of and messages can be sent to the entire electronic mailing list by mailing them to tap of which will forward your message to all of the people currently on the list. The message:

unsubscribe tap

sent to majordomo of gets you off the list. Please make careful note of that as well since you generally can get yourself off the list a lot easier than I can, and NOBODY likes to see unsubscribe messages sent to the entire list. A big, big thank you for David Kovar for setting this all up!!


Bernie is still the feature here until issue #220, but in the interim someone else has found themselves. It has been a long and winding road, but Bruce Geryk has finally dug himself out of whatever holes he's been crawling around in and come back to claim his lifetime subscription! Not only that, but equally shadowy (but rumored to be living somewhere in suburban New Hampshire) partner in crimes against humanity Jeff Zarse has also surfaced. More from Bruce and Z below..... but I should be upfront and state that these two used to be referred to as ``The Bad Boys of Diplomacy". For those unfamiliar with them, you'll get a hint below. I don't care about the rest of you, I love these guys and their perspective, so they'll stick around here to some degree.

This is now going to be a regular continuing feature of the szine and I will be introducing a new ``search for'' every five issues. Moreover, you can win a $25 prize for finding some previous target who went unfound in the original $50 period. That means that if Kevin Tighe or Garret Schenck or Jerry Lucas or Al Pearson is ``found'' from now on it is worth $25. Plus, Steve Emmert will throw in another ten spot for Garret Schenck if you can get Garret to write to him.

Winners will receive credit for Dip hobby activities that I will pay out as requested by the winner. Subscribe to szines here or abroad, run your own contests, publish a szine, finance a web page, or whatever. Spend it all right away or use me as a bank to cover hobby activities for years. What must you do to win? Get me a letter to the editor for TAP from the person we're searching for. This is very important, just finding them doesn't do it. They have to write me a letter. The final judge as to the winner of any contest will be the target himself and I reserve the right to investigate the winning entry. When you find someone I'm looking for, you should ask him to send me a letter for print that includes a verification of who ``found'' him.

Bruce Geryk (Wed, 17 Mar 1999 18:28:40 -0600)

Jim, Jim, Jim,

So you're handing out ``lifetime subscriptions" to people like Stafford, eh? Is this anything like the ``lifetime subscription" I got when you first started your zine? ((Precisely related, in fact nearly the same!)) As I recall, I won the right to receive your misguided music musings for as long as I existed by answering some question about TAP, like where you got the name. How quickly we forget. ((Does anyone except for you still remember this?? Luckily for you, I remember.)) Looks like you owe me about 200 back issues. Let's have 'em. ((You don't want 'em all at once, so you'll take them as I give them to you....))

``Makes Bruce Geryk look like Dale Carnegie?" Oh please.

Bruce, ceremony of

((Hyork, hyork, hyork, yes, we still say that.))


((So, everyone, I was tracked down through doing a search on Bruce Geryk and since all these issues are indexed in these search systems he found this quote from issue 195 or so. Anyway, welcome back, and to address the quote, yes, it is difficult, but some things can be so bad that they CAN make you look like Dale Carnegie. How come you didn't include your postal address with this note, though, you loser! How am I supposed to mail you issues without an address???))

Bruce Geryk (Fri, 19 Mar 1999 11:34:09 -0600)

I'm ``such a loser in this" that I didn't just send my postal address out to some (s)zine guy after accidentally finding him on the Internet? Boy, that would have been wise. You been working at Los Alamos these past years? ``Hey, Burgess, there's some guy with a Chinese accent on the phone saying he left the plans for the hydrogen bomb triggers on his desk and would like you to just drop them in the mail c/o the Chinese Embassy." ``Hey, sure, no problem." ((Why not? Being trusting is good, being trusty is risky, being a risk taker is bliss!!))

Ways you can make fun of this (helpful hints):

1. Bruce thinks his address is as important as U.S. nuclear secrets. ((I know, I know, I need help. Your address is pointless information. What I am blasting you about is asking for something without providing the means to deliver it. Sure, I'll take some hydrogen bomb triggers....))

2. Bruce thinks Jim is Chinese. (A complete non sequitur, but those are often good in humor situations.) ((But you KNOW that I'm just clueless on being funny. I'm a total loser. You said so yourself.))

Actually, a friend found your page and sent me a message containing the URL and the question, ``Who is `Jim Burgess.'" It's sort of scary that even before following the link, I had a pretty good idea what I would find. ((Indeed.))

((Well, yes, I looked up ``Bruce Geryk" on the search engines and found a huge amount of stuff by a Bruce Geryk reviewing computer games (is that you too?).))

That's me. I write a variety of computer game reviews and columns for a couple sites. I justify it to myself with the fact that (a) it keeps me buried in free games, and (b) as a med student AND a graduate student, it's a paid job that I can do during the only hours I ever have free: between midnight and 3am. I do end up using some of that money on hardware upgrade after hardware upgrade, though, in order to be able to run the latest stuff. A search for me would have been trivially easy. Good thing I saved you the money. ((Not your postal address....))

So I have to read your back issues on the web? Some ``lifetime subscription" this is. I expect individually mailed copies of each issue with handwritten apologies for each and every misguided music opinion you expressed therein. Flipping through your 1998 issues, I didn't see a single mention of either of the two best releases of last year: Kristen Hersh's Strange Angels or The Beautiful South's Quench. Of course, if you know Tanya Donelly's father, you're probably part of some bizarre anti-Hersh cabal. ((I do like Donelly better than Hersh, but that's a good record. Kristen has not had good luck live on the road promoting it, though, it's gotten terrible reviews - the new one, Sky Motel, is supposed to be MUCH better but won't be released in the US until summer. I didn't go when they hit Providence.)) And since (as I recall) you were a Housemartins fan, you're probably bitter that Paul Heaton isn't just re-recording the five hundredth new version of ``Flag Day." But that's you. ((No, I have gotten over the Housemartins as a frivolous fling. I still love the Close Lobsters, though!))

For my address, see my .sig, Bruce Geryk, ***CENSORED - TRIPLE TOP SECRET***

((Were you to read what is beneath that censored info I would have to kill you. Sorry. May be revealed on a need-to-know basis. Anyway, since the search engines have found my szine I've been getting all sorts of hits like this. Interesting.))

Bruce Geryk (Tue, 23 Mar 1999 08:24:30 -0500 (EST))

Probably a secret surveillance program run by Alan Stewart. ((Hey, we're going to have to search for him next! That will be fun. By the way, I still have all sorts of misguided musical opinions. Mekons forever!!!))

Here's a question I recently snuck into a gaming column. Who was better:Paul ``The Jam" Weller or Paul ``Style Council" Weller? Or Peter Weller?

((Peter Weller, who?? The Jam Weller, no contest. From the sheer fun of ``Girl on the Phone" to the great cover of ``Love is Like a Heat Wave" to the perfection of ``Absolute Beginners" to the poignancy of ``Town Called Malice" there was great depth and variety. The Style Council Weller was all Flash and no Dash. Remember, I still love the Close Lobsters. ``Skyscrapers of St. Mirin" is still heavenly!!))

I still listen to Foxheads... Unfortunately, Headache Rhetoric was lame and I gave up on them after that. ((Agreed, agreed, agreed.... it even gave me a headache.))

-B, ceremony of

((Next the Boob gets confused... I send Geryk: ``Bombs for YOUR mailbox. I've published this address in all the usual places. You noticed (when you read that issue of the szine) that Chris Carrier has died. With him all the real bad karma went with him. Even you are no longer capable of launching any Great Feuds.'' I receive:))

The Mysterious ``Z'' (Mon, 22 Mar 1999 19:36:22 -0600)

a) What killed Carrier? Melinda Holley in a fit of passion or a clerical error by Fred Davis?

b) Jim-Bob, your last statement is wrong. Don't make me prove it.


((I respond: ``He died at only 38 of a variety of conditions.... which escape me at the moment. It all was in the szine, but perhaps not in the issues up on the web page. You'll get those issues eventually." to the first question, and ``Ummm, you're right. Cancel that and hold the bad karma.'' to the second and get back:))

Jeff Zarse (Tue, 23 Mar 1999 11:10:01 -0600)

You are confused - I don't want your back issues. You've mistaken me with some maladusto-Dale-Carnegie-wanna-be. I just wanted you to know that I'm not at all impressed that Tanya Donelly's father is your plumber - I've had Tom Donnelly washing my car and mowing my yard regularly since '92.

Glad to know you're not (yet) dead, Jeff Zarse, jmz of

Bruce Geryk

Got this from Zarse the other day. Boy, you ARE confused. Why would I sign my name ``Z?" ((I dunno... how am I supposed to fathom the depths of your mind and what you might do or pass to others....)) This was a message from Jeff, who chose to reveal himself for God knows what reason. Guess you now can't have a search for him, either. Oh well.

I'm not out to start any new feuds. That would be a colossal waste of my time, considering that I have so little free time these days as it is. My feeling is that people who spend too much time on things like postal Diplomacy (or computer games, or stamp collecting, or whatever) KNOW they spend too much time on it, and pointing it out to them only makes them defensive. It's impossible to convince them that they are maladjustites - they have to figure it out for themselves. Some never do. Carrier was an extreme case, but I suspect there are far more people like him in the hobby than you will admit. They may not be as abrasive or disturbed, but they're there.

Since I'm writing, I might as well give you yet ANOTHER music pointer (I'm charging for these, so you'll be receiving an invoice from me later): Frank Black and the Catholics. Steve Clark got me the first FB solo album as a gift almost exactly six years ago. Little did I know I'd have to wait five years for another album from Mr. Pixie that would be as good as the debut. This album is superb. Frank Black is a twisted individual.

Oh, I got the (s)zine in the mail the other day. Glad to see the Post Office still works. Glad to see your handwriting hasn't changed.



The British representative is the editor of Mission From God, John Harrington. John may be contacted at 1 Churchbury Close, Enfield, Middlesex EN1 3UW, UK (johnh of or JHarrington of The representives in Australia (John Cain, PO Box 4317, Melbourne University 3052, AUSTRALIA) or Belgium and some other European countries (Jef Bryant, Rue Jean Pauly, 121, B-4430 ANS, BELGIUM) also will forward your subscription on to the editor in either Australian dollars or continental European currencies respectively. Please include the full name and address of the foreign publisher with your order, if possible, as well as the szine title. Make your check in US dollars out to me personally. I will conduct business for Canadians as well, if I can, but prefer to deal in US dollars with them if possible, or Canadian dollars cash. To subscribe to American szines, the system works in reverse.

DIPDOM NEWS SECTION (with letters)

Obscure and not-so-obscure ramblings on the state of the hobby and its publications, custodians, events, and individuals with no guarantee of relevance from the fertile keyboard of Jim-Bob, the E-Mail Dip world, and the rest of the postal hobby. My comments are in italics and ((double quotation marks)) like this. Bold face is used to set off each individual speaker. I should also make a note that I do edit for syntax and spelling on occasion.

A VERY light discussion is taking place that will address what stance we (the hobby) should take (proactive in some way for sure) toward Hasbro, the new owners of the rights to Diplomacy. More on this will be forthcoming, but it looks like Hasbro might have its version of Diplomacy on the market for the Christmas season and they actually will be employing ``play-testers''. No word on precisely what this means yet, could it mean that they will offer a series of ``official'' variants? Stay tuned.... If you want to be part of the discussion, send the MESSAGE:

subscribe hasbro

to majordomo of, it works just like the tap mailing list described below. Sending messages to hasbro of sends the mail to the whole list.

The game Diplomacy is a copyrighted product owned by Hasbro and all reproductions or other use of that material in this szine is intended to be personal use and not infringe on those rights in any way. All reproductions are done at a heavy financial loss to the editor and thus are without the remotest possibility of commercial intent, except to promote THE game, the Game of Diplomacy, which you all should purchase from Hasbro or other duly licensed distributors.

Lately, I haven't been grabbing as many things off of, the usenet newsgroup for the discussion of Diplomacy. Rich Goranson has far more time on his hands to post there than he does to write letters in his games here < grin > and another of the most popular writers is our very own Jody McCullough, who finally is playing in a game here. This first item is a rant on one of my very favorite topics....

Jody McCullough (Tue, 16 Mar 1999 16:50:46 -08000

((Responding to outside comment: Thanks to Dipsters like yourself, Rick, and our resident Lawyer Diplomats, I can see the issues much more clearly.)) Then Jody says....

You're welcome! I only wish this message had gotten to my news-server a little bit sooner :(

I don't usually quote this much, but you make a lot of good points here, so I'm going to quote the whole rant in case someone lost it in the H thread. ((I did, so I even missed who wrote it!!))


I can see that you are in the know about the U2 suit. With all due respect I have to disagree about the infringement. The following rant is not aimed at you. It's just a rant. Indeed, Negativland is doing much better.

All records by Negativland are stunts (well, the O.T.E. tapes and CDs are compilations of their free-form radio broadcasts, which happen to be the longest running free-form radio program in broadcast history. The first two records `Points' and `Big 10-8 Place' [one of my desert island discs] are more simple found sound sculptures). They are media assassins. Negativland takes it upon themself to expose the dark side of media, and try and do it with a tounge in their cheek. The Brohm Murder fiasco (documented on `Helter Stupid') is a prime example.

Just because Negativland likes to insite hostility from their media victims does not mean that the judicial system, or mega-companies, have the right to legislate based on personal bias. Do they deserve to get some grief for their efforts? Yup, and they will tell you so, but being in debt for the rest of their career, and having their art destroyed is not fair by any stretch. Having a brick thrown through their window in Contra Costa for the Brohm Murder fiasco, with a death threat attached to it, is fair enough. Forsaking record sales for honesty is fair enough.

I have the U2 single and I believe that Negativland DID NOT infringe on a copyright. Island threw $350,000 at the Negativland suit. The reason why they didn't back down is they wanted to recoup their losses, so they used the copyright infringement issue, and marketplace confusion, as the base to keep the suit rolling. SST records, Greg Ginn (dink), Negativland, David Wills, Mark Holsler, Chris Grigg, and Seeland MediaMedia were all named in the suit. Greg Ginn made an agreement with Negativland that SST records would defend the suit for all parties named (stupid on the part of Negativland), and then promptly caved. SST caved to ALL the demands of Island, and turned around and sued Nagativland for $400,000+. SST won the suit (obviously) and now own in perpetuity all of the records made for SST. FOREVER! They demanded two new records and a few O.T.E tapes as well. Negativland had a CD in the can, and the tapes were already in the SST offices. So, on top of everything else, Negativland, owing $400,000+, having their art destroyed, and suffering from stress-related health issues, were forced to make another record for SST. Greg Ginn was also kind enough to remind Negativland of the ``Metal Machine Music' suit leveled against Lou Reed. Real nice guy.

The reason why they were found to be in violation of copyright was because SST and Greg Ginn accepted the terms of the Island suit.

And the fact that Negativland is so paranoid about suits that they have to code the name of the DISPEPSI record is just sad. Negativland had teeth, and now they are forced to Jam underground. You have to call David's house to get the name of the record! BTW, Jody is right, DISPEPSI is a great record.

Andre' Serrano, Lou Reed, Mark McGuinness, Negativland, Sonic Youth, Gilbert and George, Dinosaur Jr., G. P. Orridge, Jam Ham Radio, S.R.L., G.G. Allen, and a host of others, all victims of rediculous ideals supported by big business and silly laws.

((Of course, you all heard about Dispepsi first in TAP! As soon as it came out, I was on it. And it is a great record. Anyway, now to Jody's comments....))

I believe what you say is pretty accurate here. But I think you're saying that Negativland could have beat the suit if it had actually gone to court, and I don't agree with that. They might have gotten the damages lowered, which would be a kind of victory, but I think that they still would have lost.

It's true that SST sold them out, big time, and that's one of the uglier stories to come out of the record industry. And there's plenty of others. Take John Fogerty, for example. Bad stuff has been going on a long time.

But anyway, I'm not really talking about the way things SHOULD be. If I was, I'd agree with you and say Island should never have been able to try to *DESTROY* a band like that. What I'm saying is: the way the laws are, they DID infringe a copyright. And unfortunately, Island decided to get out the BIG hammer. They could have just called them up and said ``Hey, we think you shouldn't have done that, and you should pull those off the shelf right away" and you can bet they would have.

Anyway, sad story, and one I hope more people will get familiar with.

-Jody- jodym of

Rick Desper (Fri, 26 Mar 1999 15:59:45 GMT)

In the tradition of Ghodstoo and Pouchtoo, Jim Burgess and I have just collected seven top-flight players from a variety of backgrounds: FTF, postal, and email; American, Canadian, Scandanavian and British.

Observers are invited to watch and learn. We're expecting a great game. The players are:

Austria: Chris Martin

England: Christian Dreyer

France: John Quarto-vonTivadar

Germany: Paul Rauterberg

Italy: Roland Isaksson

Russia: Cal White

Turkey: Chetan Radia

The game is called Ruffians (not Ruffianstoo, for some reason) and we're playing on FROG:

judge of

((Send the message ``signon oRuffians **password**'' where that is a password of your choosing to observe. Ask me if you want any info on the finer points of Judge observing. I don't play there, I just observe, so I'm an expert.))

Please join and watch the fun. The peanut gallery is encouraged to heckle.

Rick, rick_desper of

Terry Tallman (20 Mar 1999 19:05:13 -0800)

I cried for poor Gonzaga today. I had never seen them play before today. They are from Spokane and I am not sure they even get on TV over there. Really one of the little, unknown schools from around here. ((Yeah, they had a great run, more below....))

Commentary for inclusion: Nice note from Dan Stafford. But short in the extreme. I will prompt him a tad. I actually read most of the szine this issue. I always save it to file and then cut out the stuff not directly related to my games or of interest to me specifically. I then work orders, press and what not from a hard copy. I managed to get it down to three pages this time. But I read more than I usually do, although I always catch bits and pieces. Typically I read stuff from people I know or who I have seen write well in the past. Most of what you had (and you did say you held back a bunch due to time constraints) was very good. ((Did you read the stuff from Geryk and Zarse this issue??)) It seems that there is an awful lot going on here at the Casa de Toad right now and never enough time to do all the fun stuff. But then it seems like all I do is fun stuff, so more accurately I guess would be to say I don't get all the fun stuff done. And the rest of it goes to hell. ((Great comment. I am there!))

I have gotten into the ebay, online auction big time. Over the last six weeks I have sold about $1500 worth the Magic:The Dustgathering. And of course I have bought about $1500 worth the knives of various sorts. I have always had a small, nondescript collection of knives. On ebay there are four or five thousand knives up for auction at any given time (might be a much larger number, not sure). But the bottom line is that it is a real time burner. I will keep playing as long as I can keep making money on their to the extent I spend it. And it is a lot like a game. You are competing for limited resources with your OWN limited resources. And who ever gets the most toys WINS of course.

We have five pregnant mares and one is due momentarily. We have been checking every couple of hours for two days now. We sold an expensive baby this month, which is a corner I was wondering if we were ever going to turn. For awhile we had fifteen horses. Then we sold one last fall. Now we have one more sold and interest in a couple more. But we need to get down to maybe a half dozen or so over the next year. We peaked a little to soon. Judy is still a year or so from retirement and I am about eight years short. The property is too small for that much horse. And neither one of us is too sprightly. I look back two and a half years and remember moving in with just four horses (sigh). Just had a lady call who bred to our second stallion and it didn't take. She hinted very broadly that she wanted all her money back. The contract specifically says you get more breeding, not a refund. Judy gave her back all but the booking fee, which is basically a reservation. The woman was a little miffed but most breeders wouldn't have given her anything back. And she bred to our horse because our fees are lower because our stallions are not well known yet. There is a lot of yin and yang when a hobby becomes a business.

I enjoyed Keith's tales of choosing CD's for his kids. My brother and his wife never did get over me buying their kids Zappa CD's. They are both pretty loose but had trouble with the idea of Frank's lyrics for some reason. Another area of interest for me on the net is Zappa stuff. There are a handful of videos, primarily from his concerts in Europe, that are for auction on the net. I have gotten one so far but they tend to go a little higher than I am will to spend on something so brief in terms of enjoyment. I buy movie videos but usually after they have gone into the sale racks at the stores. Only occasionally will I buy one new when it comes out. I think the most recent one I actually bought ``fresh" was ``Toy Soldiers" and I knew I had little kids coming. Nothing like a good, recent video to mesmerize the kids. The Zappa video I got is called ``Video From Hell" which has several reasonably normal music videos, clips from the early years and excerpts from the hearings in the late 80's when Tipper Gore and friends wanted to put labels on any music they didn't like, if they couldn't just have it banned. ((I actually disagree with you on that one, see the Mark Lew discussion below.)) Frank really came off well and at the time he made good press. There are magazines offered on ebay solely for the reason that they have interviews with Frank or articles on the hearings. But then you can find stuff on just about anyone there. I also sell Louis Lamour hard cover books there. My grandmother left me nearly a hundred (sigh).

Terry, terryt of

Scott Munson (Mon, 15 Mar 1999 17:02:30 EST)

Hey there Jim.

I hope you aren't burning out on your zine. I really do look forward to seeing it in the box every month. During my searches of other zines, your name pops up time and again as the person keeping American Postal Diplomacy alive. Maybe if your quick deadlines are starting to get a bit unmanageable, you could just extend the deadlines to give yourself more time to get TAP together and running. I seriously doubt anyone would hold it against you or even fuss about it being a week longer between issues. Sometimes you have to cut yourself a break. ((Perhaps, but if I let things slip, it will just get worse. This issue should be back on schedule, if a bit light on content again.))

Hang in there and keep up the good work. Scott Munson, ABLodge of

Tony Dickinson (Thu, 25 Mar 1999 01:41:16)

Hiya Jim, Got TAP #215 ... bloody hell how do u do it!? Hehehe TAZ WILL be with u VERY soon!

Ummmm u can now add SpOff to yer Brit 'Zines folding! Just got the news myself today ... so it goes, the hobby is falling apart man. ((Yes, it is very sad. To me, the soap opera (which will be familiar to Bad Boys Jeff Zarse and Bruce Geryk whom we welcome back this time) of feuding seems particularly weird to me. The boring old US hobby keeps shrinking while the feuding Brit hobby is growing. Some people are going to have to start new szines. I like szines like yours that aren't too turbo-phreaky. Just do it when you can!))

:-S sorry about my dodgey attempt at scoring in the Musak thing ... 1 point fer Bob is fine ;-) ... ta fer adding my contribution to the drugs section. ((I love your code, even if it is ``insider'' Supreme.))

Ahhh Obsidian ... a great 'Zine, one that I always sung its praises ... I haven't had a fall out with Alex in 14(?) years ... but of late we got/getting close, all to do with me NMR'ing due to the non arrival of orders which I'd sent and Alex not holding games over like he's done in the past for other ppl who HAVE really NMR'd *blah* *blah* very messy *SIGH* ((Yeah, I resigned from a game in Paul Kenny's szine just to avoid that kind of deterioration of a relationship. TAP will ***ALWAYS*** keep its relatively loose structure. We have virtually no NMR's around here and VERY few resignations. I must be doing something right.))

Well must be going, all the best, c ya

- Tony L'n'P. tony of

((Thanks, Tony, now for something COMPLETELY different. I was with both Tony and Larry Peery at World DipCon IV (remember the game we were in together, Tony???) and I can't imagine two more unalike people...))

Larry Peery (Tue, 30 Mar 1999 09:47:49 -0800)



I would appreciate it if you would pass this information on to anyone in the Diplomacy hobby who may be interested.

I have now lived in my house for eleven years, and yet I have never been able to put a car in my double garage because, of course, it is filled with The Diplomacy Archives. And so is my home office, and my guest room! :-)

I have decided to reclaim that space for myself. So..... I have decided to dispose of The Diplomacy Archives.

The Diplomacy Archives are the largest and most complete collection of Diplomacy magazines in the world, I believe; being particuarly strong in the ``Golden Age" of the hobby period, c. 1966 - 1971. The collection includes thousands and thousands of items filling some 70 boxes and weighing approximately one ton. Just a list of what's included runs some 70 pages.

Except for my own personal collection, everything goes. It's an all or nothing offer, and all items are ``as is."

The collection is for sale. I will not give it away. The minimum bid is US$2,200, FOB San Diego, California. The buyer must arrange for packing and removing the entire collection from my garage within 90 days of acceptance of their offer. A non-refundable deposit of US$220 will be due within 10 days of acceptance of that offer, and the balance must be paid within 30 days.

The buyer may or may not, as he wishes, also take all back issues of DW that I have, mostly issues published by Rod Walker or myself. If he doesn't, I will dispose of them.

Any questions may be directed to me at Larry Peery, 6103, Malcolm Dr., San Diego, CA 92115, USA, or by email, or submitted in writing to me at WDC in Namur.

Opening bids are due by 1 June. Final bids will be due by 1 July.

Thanx. Larry Peery, peery of

((I thank you for being organized about this, but forgive me if I remind you that you haven't a snowball's chance in hell of garnering an offer of that magnitude. The Hoosier Archives story (which is stronger than yours in the beginning of the hobby and weaker than yours after 1977 or so) shows that clearly. I will state for the record that the best solution is to merge it with the Hoosier Archives and hope that someday Jamie McQuinn is in a job where he can donate it to a University library where he is working and they will pay him to catalog it. Jamie has been very, very silent of late, which makes this bad timing. Still, I can't imagine Jamie putting up that kind of money.))

((As always, [and hey, Geryk and Zarse would have thought they got out with less than their money's worth if there wasn't a crazy Peery offer in the issue of their return] I hope that there is someone out there who wants and can handle these archives. I've seen them and they are impressive. Then, I hope they can negotiate you off your ``minimum bid''. We'll see. I'm sure we will all stay tuned.))


It also is time to ask for your ``best of 1998'' lists. Give it to me anyway you want to - a top 10, a couple of favorites, a list, an essay, whatever - the classic is to tell me your top singles, top albums, and best concerts of the year, but you are the boss. Don't wait too long though because I want to move into the party tape issues pretty quickly. I plan to have my list in NEXT time. I'm a bit rushed at the moment, but two subszines will keep this issue huge.


This section is developing a list of the great party singles of the century. You'll get a definite sense of quirky before we're done. You'll also get a sense of timelessness. I'll assume that I'll also get some comments from some of you. I'm going to set a slate of only 10 - that's just ONE more from what is below and then DEMAND votes from you out there to fill the rest of the slots. The Bullpen voting system I am envisioning will work like this: you each get ten votes which you can allocate across as few as two songs (5 votes apiece) or as many as ten songs (1 vote for each). You can allocate your ten votes any way you want, but you can't put any more than five votes on any one song. You also get ONE B-52 song vote (although you can add votes from your main allotment if desired) and THREE Drug Song votes which will be held in a separate category. The other ``special'' bullpens must be voted on from your main allotment of votes. I decided that I WILL print running totals and print the names of the people who have voted. Also, you guys wrote some great stuff about the songs, so I've printed that too! Write-ins will be permitted, but are unlikely to win. I know I have lost some suggestions that aren't in the bullpen lists below, so feel free to mention 'em again! Everything that started in the bullpen started with one vote.

To encourage voting early, five voters at random will receive five US dollars from me (either in cash or paid to someone for Dip stuff). I will take these voters at random every other issue, starting with this issue, and draw one randomly, so early voters get FIVE chances to win, but no one will be allowed to win twice. I'm also giving the round one voters below five chances in said drawing, those in the second round four, and so on, to more heavily penalize the chances of those last minute voters and reward these pioneers! That should do it!! Mike Barno wins five dollars for this issue's prize. Prizes also will be awarded in issues 217, 219, 221, and 223. Voters thus far through Round 1 are Mike Barno($5), Rick Desper, Tony Dickinson, Drew James, Heath Gardner, and John Harrington.

We'll end up with a monster party tape at the end of it that I plan to segue and sequence and copy for distribution. The result will be a great New Millenium party tape. I've also been thinking that I should put this out on CD as truly emblematic of the new millenium. I don't have the capability to do that quite yet, but I think I might by then. Any suggestions (or especially volunteers) on this front will be cheerfully accepted and could receive monetary payments!

So far, we have ``I Melt With You'' by Modern English; George Gershwin's ``I got Plenty O' Nuttin' '' from Porgy and Bess in the 1957 concert recording with Ella Fitzgerald finishing off the vocals after Louis Armstrong blows and sings through the tune; Duke Ellington performing Billy Strayhorn's ``Take the A Train''; Frank Sinatra's ``New York, New York''; something from the B-52's; the original Van Morrison and Them version of ``Gloria''; The (English) Beat's 12 inch version of ``Save It for Later'' ratchets things up to the next level (wherever you put it!); Buster Poindexter's ``Hot, Hot, Hot'' keeps you there; ``Atomic Dog'' by George Clinton blows the doors off, and Koko Taylor cleans up singing Willie Dixon's ``Wang Dang Doodle''.

EXTRA SPECIAL B-52'S BULLPEN: (3) ``Love Shack''. (2)``Planet Claire''; ``Give Me Back My Man". (1) ``Rock Lobster"; ``Dance This Mess Around"; ``Private Idaho''; ``Deadbeat Club''; NONE.

BULLPEN: (7) ``Cumberland Blues'' - the Grateful Dead; Nirvana - ``Smells Like Teen Spirit". (5) ``Mannish Boy" - Muddy Waters. (4) Lou Reed - ``Sweet Jane''; ``Twistin the Night Away" - Sam Cooke; ``Shake, Rattle, & Roll" - Big Joe Turner; Devo - ``Whip It". (3) ``Dancing With Myself'' - Billy Idol's Gen X; B Movie - ``Nowhere Girl"; ``Add It Up'' - Violent Femmes. (2) ``Fire on the Mountain'' - the Grateful Dead; Squeeze - ``If I Didn't Love You"; Violent Femmes - ``Blister in the Sun"; ``Jambalaya" - Hank Williams; ``party at ground zero'' by fishbone; Green Day - ``Basket Case''; ``Train In Vain'' - The Clash; ``I Wanna Be Sedated" - Ramones; ``Magic Mountain" - the Animals; ``Pass the Dutchie" - Peter Tosh; ``Lithium'' - Nirvana; ``Rocking the Casbah'' - The Clash. (1) ``Walk This Way'' - Run-DMC; ``Roadrunner'' - Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers; ``Roadrunner'' - the Animals; Strunz and Farrah - ``Americas''; Clarence ``Gatemouth'' Brown - ``Up Jumped the Devil''; David Bowie - ``Fame''; ``Tweedle Dee'' by Lavern Baker; ``Been Caught Stealing'' - Jane's Addiction; ``Hard to Handle'' - Black Crowes; ``Birth-day'' - Suzanne Vega; Doors - ``Road House Blues"; Cure - ``In between days"; Little Richard - ``Rock Island Line''; Bangles - ``Hazy Shade of Winter"; ``Magic Carpet Ride" - Steppenwolf; Go-Go's - ``Our Lips are Sealed"; Peter Frampton - ``Do you feel like we do"; Led Zeppelin - ``Hey, Hey what can I do"; Three Dog Night - ``Shambala"; ``Party Train'' - Gap Band; ``Proud Mary'' - Ike and Tina Turner; Concrete Blonde - ``Still in Hollywood"; ``The Pusher" - Steppenwolf; ``Revolution" - the Beatles; ``Locomotion" - Little Eva; ``Want Ad Blues" - John Lee Hooker; ``Give the Dog a Bone" - AC/DC; ``I Feel Good" - James Brown; ``In the Mood" - Glenn Miller; ``Chain of Fools" - Aretha Franklin; ``Twist & Shout" - Beatles; ``What I Like About You" - Romantics; ``And We Danced" - Hooters; ``Particle Man" - They Might Be Giants; Erasure - ``River Deep, Mountain High"; Public Enemy - ``Bring Tha Noize (w/Anthrax)" ``All Along the Watchtower" - Jimi Hendrix's KISS THE SKY version of Bob Dylan's song); ``One Love" - Bob Marley.

SPECIAL GEORGE CLINTON BULLPEN: (2) ``I Just Wanna Testify''; ``Flash Light''. (1) Prince - ``Bob & George"; ``Let's Take It to the Stage'', ``The Pinocchio Theory''.

SPECIAL MILLENNIUM BULLPEN: ``1999'' - Prince; ``Disco 2000'' - Pulp. These songs are officially INELIGIBLE FOR THE TAPE!!!

SPECIAL ROLLING STONES BULLPEN: (6) ``Paint It Black''. (3) ``Satisfaction". (1) ``Jumpin' Jack Flash", ``Get Off of My Cloud'', ``Sympathy for the Devil''.

SPECIAL TALKING HEADS BULLPEN: (2) ``Take me to the River". (1) ``The Great Curve'', ``Life During Wartime'', the entire Speaking in Tongues record.

SPECIAL ALPHABET SONG BULLPEN: (1) ``YMCA" - Village People; ``MTA" - Kingston Trio.

SPECIAL DRUG MUSIC BULLPEN: (5) ``Casey Jones'' - the Grateful Dead. (4) ``Red, Red Wine'' - UB40. (2) The Toys - ``Smoke Two Joints''; ``Don't Bogart that Joint'' - Fraternity of Man; ``Easy Skanking" - Bob Marley; ``Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll'' - Ian Dury and the Blockheads; entire Animals album - Pink Floyd. (1) ``Cocaine'' - Eric Clapton's version; ``Panama Red'' - New Riders; ``Smoke, Smoke, Smoke (That Cigarette)'' - Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen; ``I'm an Okie from Muskogee'' - Merle Haggard; ``Legalize It'' - Peter Tosh; ``Heroin'' - Lou Reed and Velvet Underground; ``The Drugs Don't Work" - The Verve; ``Old Red Eyes is Back" - Beautiful South; ``Hemp, for Victory''; ``Sinsemilla" - Black Uhuru; ``The Old Dope Peddler'' - Tom Lehrer; Hawkwind - ``LSD''; ``Hassan I Sahba''(Hashish) - Hawkwind; Sisters Of Mercy - ``Amphetamine Logic''; ``The Needle and the Damage Done'' - Neil Young; ``More Songs about Chocolate and Girls'' - The Undertones; Pink Floyd - ``Obscured by Clouds''; Stranglers - ``Golden Brown''; Levellers - ``Just the One''; New Model Army - ``Heroin''; Magic Mushroom Band - ``Ditto Skunk''; Thin Lizzy - ``Whisky in the Jar''.

I'm holding off on updating the list this time for a couple of reasons. I just gotta get caught up with my postal mail letters. I'm not. Next issue, ONLY postal entries will be available for the drawing with the ones I already have counting double. Then I'll also get the other ones I have into the count. Stan Johnson quite legitimately called me onto the carpet about this and I plead guilty. But, given last issue's fiasco, this issue WILL be on time.

Mark Lew (Tue, 23 Mar 1999 21:26:40 -0800) From: (Mark D Lew)

Be careful with the Quayle quotes. The Latin America one is a demonstrated folk myth, originally deriving from a comedian's joke, later repeated as truth. As far as I know the rest you list are accurate. There's a long list of Quayle quotes floating around (perhaps the same one Paul sent you) on which about 90% of them are specifically attributed. That is, it is noted where Mr Quayle actually spoke the words, not just a reference to some newsmagazine that mentioned it later. Those 90% can be presumably genuine; the other 10% are probably fake. ((Some of these I **knew** to be true because I'd seen the videotapes, but I still should have been more careful. I need to contain my glee to republish stuff. I'm always caught up short. Don't tempt me guys, don't send me that kind of stuff!! Simon Billenness gets the only pass on this count since that's the only way I hear from him and he sends me all the cool stuff like the ``bugs'' in the Microsoft Word thesaurus (look up synonyms for ``Bill Clinton'').))

I don't pay much attention to politics anymore. Is John Kasich running for president? I've always been a sucker for budget wonks, in both parties. Is Gore being perceived as conservative again, or is that just from Paul's perspective? I remember in 1988 (when I signed on to his short-lived California primary campaign) Gore was seen as a ``neo-Dixie-crat" Sam Nunn wannabe, but then by 1992 he was being called a starry-eyed liberal tree-hugger, even though he himself really hadn't changed much. I still think Tipper gets a bad rap on the record-labeling business. Her position was much more reasonable than you'd think from reading the caricatured attacks by Frank Zappa and the Village Voice etc. Maybe she's changed since the topic first came up in the late '80s but back then she always pushed the record labeling as a full-disclosure-of-information sort of issue, and was opposed to any actual banning. Also, she consistently focused her criticism on violence rather than sexual content. I used to have a copy of an interview (probably still around in some file somewhere) where the guy asks her about ``Why don't we do it in the road?" and she says, ``That's a great song. I have no problem with that, so long as he doesn't kill her afterward." Tipper is cool. I actually met her once (very briefly). She's a politician's wife, to be sure, but not at all the stick-up-the-butt matron that some would have you believe. In college, she was a drummer in an all-girl rock band. How many senator's wives can make that claim? ((Precisely. We have discussed this before and I too like Tipper, even though I'm generally against censorship. Tipper is another of those great strong women that are truly sexy.))

I also pay little attention to popular culture, though I did see the second half of the Oscars presentation, because I was visiting Jason and Gwen who insisted on seeing it. Bocelli was not as bad as I expected (opera snobs *really* hate that guy...), but Celine Dion was worse. Naturally, I didn't know any of the movies. In recent months it occurred to me to try to remember what was the last (original-release) movie I've seen and I honestly don't know what it is. I'm certain I haven't seen any movie from 1998 or 1997, and I'm not even sure about 1996. The last movie I distinctly remember seeing in a theater was Little Women, which my mother insisted on seeing as a family outing one Thanksgiving. I also remember seeing Mighty Aphrodite with my favorite ex-girlfriend, but I think that was earlier. I know I've seen Sleepless in Seattle and I think that was in a theater, too. Maybe there has been another since then, but if so I can't remember it. I have a vague recollection of visiting a Berkeley movie theater with someone not too long ago (spring 96?) but I don't remember who I was with, and I don't remember what we saw.

I do a little better on old movies. J&G were surprised when I told them I'd actually seen three of the Kubrick films they clipped on the Oscars thing (2001, Shining, and Clockwork Orange). I notice you don't list Stanley for ``the best futuristic dystopia movie". Second place behind Blade Runner, maybe? ((Here we go with the first of a series.... what is Clockwork Orange? I couldn't decide on anything so I just left it out. It surely is a great movie with brilliant images that sear into your brain.))

``The Old Dope Peddlar'' is on Songs by Tom Lehrer. Lehrer is so cool. He's the only songwriter I know who rivals Cole Porter for creative rhyming. (Well OK, maybe W.S. Gilbert.) A few years ago I actually had Lehrer's ``Smut" ready as a patter song for an audition, though I ended up not singing it. I've recently switched to ``A tenor, all singers above" from G&S's Utopia Ltd., but I really don't audition much at all anymore.

A recent Jeopardy clue put Croatia on the ``Balkan Peninsula". Not just in the Balkans, mind you, but on the ``peninsula". Yeesh, that's like saying Venice is on the Italian peninsula, or Kashmir is on the Indian subcontinent. ((Geography sense is appalling out there!))

mdl, markdlew of

Steve Emmert (Tue, 23 Mar 1999 16:01:52 -0500)

Dear Jim-Bob - Boy, Jim-Bob, I get a whole month off work, with pay (thanks to accrued leave time). I haven't done this since before law school back in the 1970's. And I didn't get paid that time.

Sondra is already in Miami, and will be performing in the Florida Grand Opera's production of La Giaconda starting in mid-April. Callie and I fly down April 6 and return on the 22nd. I can do some serious goofing off (there's an oxymoron for you) in southern Florida for two weeks. No suntan, though; I have this northern European skin, and I turn into a radish if I'm outside for a couple of hours. I generally use my trusty #743 sun block (``Arctic Sunset") to stay nice and pale.

Opening Day is April 5. (I do not count that bow to crass commercialism of starting the season on Sunday night. The season begins with the first pitch of the Reds' home game.) Life begins again. Oh, here's another side benefit of my month off: Marlins home games (I THINK that's still Major League) AND Panthers home games. Baseball and hockey in one neat package! Now if I can just find a good poker game, I'll be truly set.

Best wishes. Steve, soon to be at a new location

Scott Morris (Wed, 24 Mar 1999 16:42:10 EST)

Jim Bo Babba Billy Bob Boogie Burgess,

Ain't that a kick in the arse? U of K went down like a thud in the NCAA tournament. We were killing those punks from Michigan St. 17-4 then the wheels fell off. < sigh > Oh well at least it saves us the humiliation of a good old fashioned stomping at the hands of Duke. They have an NBA team. I can't wait till they all go pro after this year and Duke is back to the normal good college team.

Scott, ScottM221 of

((Some detailed comments follow at the end of this string, but hey, I consider that a success. I predicted that UK would go up against MSU, I just got the wrong winner. I hit on the ultimate winner of the tournament perfectly. I say that deserves a hand. Next up, Rich Goranson, who also wants to talk about my Kubrick comments....))

Rich Goranson (Sat, 13 Mar 1999 10:02:56 EST)

I was stunned by his death. He has always been one of my favourites. But in your list you forgot to mention my favourite Kubrick movie; A Clockwork Orange. This movie also has a bit on unusual Oscar trivia involved with it. Who was the only transsexual to win an Oscar? Answer - Walter/Wendy Carlos for best score. ((I thought that he didn't become a she until around 1977 or so.... then it needs to be ``future transsexual''.)) IMHO it still ranks as one of the best film scores ever. Whenever I want to scare people at work I skip down the corridors singing, ``I'm singing in the rain (KICK), just siiiinging in the rain (KICK!)"

((Silliness and fun in music are essential. That's why I love They Might Be Giants.))

Several years ago the cartoon program ``Tiny Toon Adventures" did spoof videos of ``Particle Man" and ``Istanbul (not Constantinople)" which were utterly hysterical. My personal fave of theirs is ``I Hope That I Get Old Before I Die"

THE GREATEST SPORTSMAN OF THE CENTURY: Considering recent events I think there is going to be a lot of sympathy votes for a particular New York Yankee. My opinion: it has to be a player who radically altered the game was played, shattered virtually every record and is beloved by virtually everyone without the massive amount of self promotion that Michael Jordan gave to himself. There are only two people who are in this category: Jack Nicklaus and Wayne Gretzky. Pele might come close.

On Jim Thome: Too bad Thome is never going to see any playing time at first anymore. Looks like Sexson has that job wrapped up.

On the Clippers ((Who finally are winning games, as in more than one!)): They've been bad for longer than that. When they were here in Buffalo (from 1970-1977) they made the playoffs once (and were quickly disposed of by the Celtics) despite having such players as Bob McAdoo, Randy Smith, Providence alum Ernie diGregorio, Adrian Dantley, Garfield Heard and my all time favourite player to watch, Jack Marin. I'd be surprised if anyone outside this area even remembers that the Clippers were stolen from good ol' Western New York. Mention the names John Y. Brown and Paul Snyder to me and I'm likely to get violent. ((I, too, loved Jack Marin 'cause he looked so cool!!))

((Commenting on my prediction: ``Michigan State and Kentucky easily make it to the Sweet Sixteen and are joined by upset specials URI'')) Blowing your predictions early this year, aren't you? ((Hey, I let some local color influence me. I really thought they would make it to the Sweet Sixteen, but no farther. BUT, I was not wrong that that segment of the bracket would have an upset special, I just was wrong about which one it was. Oklahoma, the 13 seed, of course, came out of there instead of the 12 seed. I was almost right on perfect target with Kentucky and MSU.))

More as it arrives!!!

Rich Goranson, Buffalo, NY, ForlornH of

Rick Desper (Sat, 27 Mar 1999 10:31:23 -0800 (PST))

So, UCONN is finally in the Final Four, and I cannot even watch the games on TV. :P ((Rick was stuck in Germany.... how terrible!))

My picks this year were pretty disastrous. Let's put it this way: after only the first day of play, I had already lost two of my Final Eight picks: UNC and UCLA. I've always picked against the West Coast teams, but after their successes the past couple years, I picked each of the four Pac-10 teams to win at least one game. Only one of them did, and they (Stanford) only won one. ((Oh come on, I thought those picks were cake this year. UNC and UCLA weren't going anywhere. That's why, once I looked at the tournament more through the week, Florida and Ohio State's paths to the Sweet Sixteen were obvious. I also picked up on Gonzaga as a Sweet Sixteen upset special but NEVER thought they would get beyond that. The point guard's training by John Stockton was enough for me to bet on a great story. I still thought that Oklahoma State would do better than it did, but at least I was right that Auburn didn't get very close to the Final Four.))

I did pick UConn and Duke to make the Final Four, along with Maryland and Kentucky (a pair of popular picks). I didn't forsee the successes of either Gonzaga or SW Mo St. Gonzaga looks to be good enough to be a Top 10 team. I think my picks suffered a lot since I couldn't watch any games this year. As far as I knew, Ohio State was overrated and the Big Ten was going to pull its usual second-round flop.

((But Ohio State had the tournament recipe for success, two great guards. You always gotta find a few of those teams with a great backcourt and ride 'em. That's just history! My final, final FINAL FOUR before the games started was Kentucky, Duke, Connecticut, and Oklahoma State (with Ohio State a second favorite sleeper). Once I heard about Tim James' injury, I knew Miami was going to be deep sixed early on (though I thought by Texas) and that Duke had the proverbial ride to the Final Four. I still thought UConn would win it though. SW Missouri State was an obvious pick to me, though a lot of sleeper experts were picking Delaware. I was proudest of my pick of Miami of Ohio. I couldn't remember Wally Szczerbiak's name, but I had his number. 43 points, 12 rebounds, and the game winning blocked shot against Terry Tallman's Washington team to win the game singlehandedly was the performance of the tournament, until Richard Hamilton's tourney ending performance.))

My women's tourney picks were much better. But there it's relatively easy to pick the Sweet Sixteen. Each of the top four seeds plays home games for the first two rounds, and, surprisingly, this year each of the top four seeds in each region won two home games! I went a bit nuts and picked Rutgers to beat Purdue. After UConn and Tennessee lost, I was toast. I didn't get a single Final Four team right (I picked two #1 seeds, but the wrong two.) ((My Women's tourney picks sucked.... I was later informed that Duke and Purdue were the teams to pick (over that first weekend) by a knowledgeable friend and then I rooted for Purdue!))

I picked UConn to beat Duke in the final, not so much because I thought they would, but because I figured most other people would be picking Duke, so I wouldn't pass anybody unless there was an upset. ((I actually thought they would win. The line before the game illustrates just how skewed the betting was. Of course, that was not a realistic assessment of the final score, just a way to balance the bets.))

I write this a few hours before the games begin. I expect Jim Calhoun to be beat Jim O'Brien yet again in the opener tonight, and I would be deeply surprised if Duke lost to MSU.

I am not as impressed with Duke as many other people are. Sure they went undefeated in the ACC, but this was really a down year for the ACC. Only three teams made the tourney, and UNC didn't even win a game in spite of a #3 seeding. Also, Duke was taken to overtime by St. John's and beat MSU by fewer points than UConn did. If you did a common opponent analysis, UConn would look better. They didn't get taken to overtime either time they played St. John's and they beat MSU by 14 points, compared to Duke's 6 point victory. Interestingly, MSU has already played all three of the other Final Four teams. But they only ended up 1-2 in those three games. ((Precisely. I thought the telling statistic on Duke was precisely that they WEREN'T challenged before the final. You knew UConn was going to come to play, they would have to play from behind, and it just was too unfamiliar to them. UConn played from behind all year.))

I get a bit irked at the writers who mutter about how UConn never made the Final Four before, in spite of being to the Elite Eight three times. The first time they made it that far, they lost on a last-second shot to a team (Duke) which went on to win the tournament. The second time they were just not as good (UCLA). But it probably didn't help that they had to play in California. Then last year they got to go to Greensboro to play UNC. Also, again, they really were not as good as UNC.

It's not like Calhoun teams have been underperforming, like say a Boeheim team or a Lute Olson team. They've gotten exactly as far as they should.

And this year, they are probably the second-best team in the country.

Rick, rick_desper of

((Wrongo, ye of little faith! and I told you that BEFORE THE GAME!))

Rick Desper (Tue, 30 Mar 1999 03:56:49 -0800 (PST))

Wow, Jim, you really picked them right! They found a way to win.

Sadly, I was unable to watch, but I knew they could win, I just thought they shouldn't be favored. Still, I found the Vegas line (Duke by 9 1/2 points) ridiculous! Duke couldn't beat MSU by 10 points and UConn had already shown they were better than MSU. ((The line is based on the bettors. The last New England team to win it all was Holy Cross in 1947 or something like that? The wider mass of people across the country just didn't think the Big East was as good as those of us who watched it closely thought it was. I really thought Miami would have beaten Duke earlier if everyone had been healthy and St. John's just BARELY missed the Final Four themselves. I thought the REDMEN (I still won't call them that other name) would collapse just that little bit at some point, but I thought they wouldn't even have to face Maryland. That was a great game!!))

I was wrong in my last letter saying they were probably the second-best team in the land. They showed they are the best team in the land. ((Thank you, thank you, thank you.))

Of course, some idiots in the media are calling it a huge upset and are wondering how could this dominant Duke team lose to anybody? We're not talking Villanova over Georgetown or NC State over Houston here. UConn was ranked 3rd in the country at the end of the season, and only that low because idiot pollsters put MSU higher even though MSU had four losses to UConn's two, and MSU had actually lost to UConn! When a team which has been ranked #1 for ten weeks actually wins the NCAA tournament, that's not a huge upset. Like I said in my last letter on this subject, if you did a common opponent comparison, UConn would actually look better. I guess there was something to that. ((Nonsense to all who called it a big upset. See above on the view of New England basketball. All of UConn's losses were at home where there were either injuries or other obvious letdowns. They beat everyone everywhere else.))

But at least I picked them to win. If only my opening round picks hadn't been so horrible I might have had a chance to win one of the pools I was in. ((With my picks, I would have done pretty well. Next year, I'll have to enter. I don't bet, but I'd like to show my cards against the best.))

On the ESPN site, I was at about the 20% level after two rounds. I only had 7 teams left in the Sweet Sixteen. Thankfully two of them were UConn and Duke. After picking each game correctly in the Final Four, I finished above the 90% level and took first place in my group (the South Park Cows Rule!) (that's the name of the group, not a comment about the Cows).

At Yahoops! I did even a little better. I changed a couple picks, including letting Auburn make the Sweet Sixteen, so I wasn't nearly as badly off after two rounds. ((I really, really thought Oklahoma State was going to beat Auburn. Darn! In a parallel universe....)) I ended in a tie for 6920th out of 205,800 entries. I also passed a whole bunch of people in the UConn fans group. I think at least 80% of the people in that group picked Duke to win.

I think I could handicap sports for a living. If I can do better than 90% of the people when I have only watched 3 games all season, then I should be able to get by. The key would be to recognize which lines are totally ridiculous (like Duke by 9 1/2 points over UConn) and play there. Of course, it would be much safer to buy stocks than to gamble. (And a bit more ethical, too.) ((You and I approach these things similarly. You do have to have good mathematical intuition, but you also have to care less. I easily can do things with mind wide open on whim now. If it were my bread and butter, could I do it? I don't know.))

Did your picks garner you any rewards? You had the same Final Four I did, but your earlier rounds were much better.

Rick, rick_desper of

((I had eleven out of sixteen in my ``final picks" and two of four in the Final Four, plus the ultimate champion. And I only missed two big sleeper teams. I hate missing the sleeper teams. I live for predicting those. I love Wally!! I really screwed up the NIT, but no one noticed. Other picks I didn't get were Creighton upsetting Maryland. If I didn't say it above, I came to my senses about Murray State and picked Ohio State to go to the Sweet Sixteen and then lose to Oklahoma State. That Oklahoma State pick was not good in retrospect. I should have gone with Ohio State longer. I had Florida winning the Florida/Gonzaga game, but hey, who else even had Florida playing Gonzaga in that round??? All in all, my best tournament of picking 'em yet. I'm pleased. Now, you Brits still need to tell us about Kumble!!!!))

((Now, finally, absolutely lastly, bye, bye Jim Harrick, off to Athens you be... No, wait, he's coming back!!! But no, he's gone again, APRIL FOOL!!! Now does Lamar leave to be the first pick in the draft too?? We'll see, see ya later!))


``So I called up George and he called up Jim, I said let's make a deal.

He said he'd talk to him. Gonna start a church where you can save yourself,

You can make some noise, When you've got no choice...

You told me useful things, what people think of me, I guess I should thank you.

It's true, then I agree... I'm all alone, I've got no choice,

I'm all alone, I've got no choice."

From ``Got No Choice" by the incomparable Mark Cutler, on his record entitled Mark Cutler and Useful Things.

If you want to submit orders, press, or letters by E-Mail, you can find me through the Internet system at ``burgess of''. If anyone has an interest in having an E-Mail address listed so people can negotiate with you by computer, just let me know. FAX orders to (401) 277-9904.

Standby lists:

Mike Barno, John Breakwell, Dick Martin, Brad Wilson, Jack McHugh, Glenn Petroski, Steve Emmert, Mark Kinney, Vince Lutterbie, Eric Brosius, Doug Kent, Paul Rauterberg, Stan Johnson, Heath Gardner, Phil Reynolds, Dave Partridge, Andy York, Michael Pustilnik, Dan Gorham, and John Schultz stand by for regular Diplomacy.

Kurt Ozog, Mike Barno, Phil Reynolds, Jim Sayers, Troy Mooney, and Harry Andruschak stand by for the Colonial Diplomacy game.

Brad Wilson, Jack McHugh, Phil Reynolds, Jim Sayers, Kurt Ozog, and Paul Kenny stand by for the Modern Diplomacy game.

Let me know if you want on or off these lists. Standbies get the szine for free and receive my personal thanks. I'd really appreciate it if anyone wanted to be added to the lists.


Players who haven't sent their $15 for your life of the game sub and game fee with NMR insurance should do so immediately or risk being replaced. At least one of you will be replaced since we have eight players for the seven positions. Scott Munson ($15), Richard Pinelli ($15), Jim Sayers ($20), Chris Trent ($15) Harold Zarr ($20), and Luke Dwyer ($15) are definitely in. Whichever of Roland Sasseville and Dan Gorham gets their money in first will take the last position. I only have preference lists from two of you, so it will be a random draw unless I get deluged with preference lists. I'm going to wait to start this for just one more issue for both those reasons (to give more time for preference lists and getting money in).

We also have the Colonia VIIb game filled with the same concern about money and one potential replacement waiting in the wings (we need nine in total - Austria, China, England, France, Netherlands, Ottomans, Portugal, Russia, and Spain). We have Scott Morris ($15), Robert Stimmel ($15), Heath Gardner ($15), John Power ($15), Paul Rauterberg ($10), Gene Prosnitz ($15), and Stan Johnson ($15) paid and ready. Remember that if I don't have preference lists from everyone this will be a random draw. I think I only have two preference lists so far in this one too, no, three. This game now DEFINITELY WILL START next issue. The last two players without money in yet are Terry Gamble and Bob Acheson. Bob says his money is in the mail and my standby Karl Schuetz will replace Terry Gamble if I don't have Terry's money by next deadline.

I also now have the OFFICIAL starting positions for Colonia VIIb, which are:

1) Starting Positions (from Gene Prosnitz - discrepancies are against the map):










Paul Rauterberg (and others): The country between Ghana and Togo is ``Ashanti". Suez does have two coasts and there is not a canal.

*'ed home colonies are building centers for any power which captures them.

Special supply centers are Nanking (China), Naples (Austria, Spain), and Crimea (Ottoman, Russia) and can be building centers only for the specified powers.

Finally, I was alerted that the game begins in 1701 (we will do this) and that there are special rules for retreats for the Pacific Islands that allows dislodged armies to retreat back to land spaces (or other islands) ONLY across one's own fleets. This seems like a reasonable rule and we will use it as long as I get some feedback that I have this rule correct. Is there anything else I need to know to start us up??

Breaking Away is almost full for the next opening, see the sign-up list discussion under the game below.

I have an opening for a game of Star Trek Diplomacy! This will be the last Diplomacy game opening until a game or two ends. Even though there has been no interest yet, perhaps some will develop if it is my only opening. See Stephen Agar's rules on his web page at:

There are two changes I am looking at when I start the game. First, I really want to name all the star systems after Star Trek locations. I have begun to do this already, but if someone wants to contribute significantly, or even volunteer to do it all, I will offer a free game start in the game. Second, after naming all of the systems, I think I want to nix the ``revolving rings'' rule. I'll take input on this idea. The game start is open now, and since I want to STRONGLY encourage press, you can sign up and ``claim'' a race. Species 8472 has been in two segments of Voyager and is a very intriguing diplomatic race (their episodes are the only Voyager episodes I've liked in the last year) and the rest of the races should be well known to all. No interest in this game? I really want to run this. I guess I gotta work on my map and publish it.

I suppose I have to admit that no one is requesting Pontevedria, the North American game opening flyer, from Conrad von Metzke any more. You can contact Conrad by E-Mail at metzke of if you want to ask him about it. I'd be pleased to help anyone find other game openings on a personal basis too. The longer run solution might come out of the efforts of the Brits, on which we might be able to piggyback. If you are interested, contact Stephen Agar at stephen of or join the Brit hobby mailing list at:

SADDAM HUSSEIN: 1999 ???, Nuclear Yuppie Evil Empire Diplomacy - Black Hole Variant


Summer 1901

AUSTRIA (S. Kenny): has f ALB, a GAL, a SER; and nuked POR, SPA, TYO, SWE, NWY.

ENGLAND (McCullough): has f LON, a EDI; and nuked ENG(2), NWG(2),


FRANCE (Weiss): has a MAR, a GAS; and nuked NTH(3), VEN, ROM, NAP, TUN.

GERMANY (Reichert): has f HEL, a PRU; and nuked ANK, SMY, CON, BUL, SEV.

ITALY (Schultz): has f APU, a TUS; and nuked MID(2), WES(2), TYH(2), ION(2), AEG(2).

RUSSIA (Gardner): has f GOB, f BLA, a SIL, a LVN; and nuked BAL, HOL, NTH(3), BEL.

TURKEY (Barno): has none; and nuked AEG(2), ION(2), TYH(2), WES(2), MID(2).

Addresses of the Participants

Sandy Kenny, 23 East Coulter Avenue, Collingswood, NJ 08108-1208

Jody McCullough, 1071 Brown Avenue, Lafayette, CA 94549-3153

jodym of

Richard Weiss, Richard Weiss, 500 Beale St. # 104, San Francisco, CA 94105, (415) 512-7221

rcw of

Sara Reichert, 20805 Margaret, Carson, CA 90745-1224

John Schultz, #19390, W-M11L, Indiana Department of Correction,

Plainfield Correctional Facility, 727 Moon Road, Plainfield, IN 46168-9400

Heath Gardner, 3017 Mayview Road, Raleigh, NC 27607

dweezil of or bassoon of

Mike Barno, 634 Dawson Hill Road, Spencer, NY 14883

mpbarno of

Game Notes:

1) There were a number of questions that popped up about how this works that I will try to answer here. First, to Heath Gardner, this is the VERY first time this particular variant with these particular rules has been played. However, it combines some very successful elements that I believe will make this the most popular variant of all-time!!!! All this once the rest of the universe recognizes my genius.... mooo-hah-hah-hah-HAH!!! (hyork, hyork, hyork...) Poor Mike Barno illustrates the dangers of the game as he must wait for 1902 to rejoin us, even his nukes were completely useless. Note those (2)'s in parentheses following his nuke orders? These tell you how many nukes struck that province. Since multiple nuke strikes have no additional effect, these weapons were in fact, wasted. In Mike's favor, thus, he has harmed no one, but been harmed to the bone himself. (what else I know, I ain't tellin') I also noticed over Piedmont that my adjudication notation left a potential confusion. I put moves in italics that do not go AND I put any unit that has been destroyed by a nuke in italics. John's army Venice was both bounced by Richard's army in Marseilles AND annihilated by Richard's nuke (the double whammy!). Suggestions for adapted notation will be accepted, otherwise I will assume that you are all bright people who will be able to figure these sorts of things out.

2) Heath Gardner may be changing his E-Mail address. I have listed both the new and old ones this issue since I'm not sure where he is finally ending up.


(ENGLISH PIG-DOGS to GERMANY): Someone told me you couldn't hit the broad side of a barn. Oh! You proved them wrong! (I know, it's probably been done before).

(JOHN BOY - > SARA & SANDY): I can be as chivalrous as the next guy but that was so sweet I'm scared we fellas might develop cavities. You might taste the tang of radioactive metals.

(ENGLISH PIG-DOGS to FRENCH DOGS OF WAR): Sorry I missed the tea and croquet the other night. I didn't realize you took your croquet games so siriusly (triple entendre boob; happy?). ((Delireiously so, pass to the Italian.))

(JODY to GM): Geeze, I've only been reading your szine for 3 years now. ((Hey, you Internet subbers are SOOO quiet, forgive me if I couldn't tell! Now I think we're going to have some fun!)) You make it sound like I've never seen a Broadcast Press game before!! And as you know, you took my comments about friends teaming up WAY out of context. ((Hyork, hyork, hyork.... is that all you could say? You could have built up lots of chits for abusing players later.)) But hey, I do hope the people who know each other ``prove me wrong"... I don't mind you encouraging that. ((Let's encourage the other simians....))

(ENGLISH PIG-DOGS to RUSSIAN BABBOONS): 4 units left. Can't ask for more than that.

(JOHN BOY - RICHARD): Nice job ole pard! Good thing I've got 6 more games to kick your ass in return.

(ENGLISH PIG-DOGS to ALL): I see, this is like a giant pissing contest, only with bigger, um, weapons.

(JODY to ALL): I have done a tactical analysis of how to move in Spring. Here goes...

1) If you sit still, you could get vaporized.

2) If you make a hostile move and bounce, you could get vaporized.

3) If you make a hostile move and don't bounce, you could get vaporized.

4) If you make a neutral move, you could get vaporized.

Now that I've explained this to everyone, it should be clear what to do. No need to thank me; it's enough for me to know that I've helped people. ((Some people are busybodies, some people are scholars, some people are statesmen (errr, I mean, politicians.... no, make that weasels), but others are... well, others are just saints!))

(JOHN BOY - BOOB & RICHARD): That wasn't me. I didn't nuke myself. I'm sure it was someone named Mike. Maybe even Barno?? ((Actually, I think it was David Wang. I'm too lazy to go look through all those back issues to check it out.)) BTW, just because we have a military base on an island, and postage is only 33 cents, doesn't make it ``Good ol' US of A.'' The question is, do the real residents feel like they are citizens? ((Referring to last issue's discussion of Guam....))

COME AND HAVE A GO (If You Think You're Hard Enough): 1998 V, Diplomacy



Fall 1901

AUSTRIA (Pollard): f alb-GRE, a GAL-war, a RUM S TURKISH a arm-sev.

ENGLAND (Tallman): f nth (North Sealth)-BEL, f NWG C a yor-nwy, a yor-NWY.

FRANCE (Morris): f ENG S ENGLISH f nth-bel, a SPA wenches in Madrid (h),

a PIC S ENGLISH f nth-bel.

GERMANY (Sayers): f HOL-bel, a kie-DEN, a RUH S a hol-bel.

ITALY (Munson): f ion-TUN, a TUS h, a VEN h.

RUSSIA (Dwyer): f gob-SWE, f sev-bla (d ann), a UKR-war, a stp-FIN.

TURKEY (Barno): f BLA S a arm-sev, a arm-SEV, a BUL S AUSTRIAN a rum.

Supply Center Chart

AUSTRIA (Pollard): vie,bud,tri,rum,gre (has 3, bld 2)
ENGLAND (Tallman): lon,lvp,edi,bel,nwy (has 3, bld 2)
FRANCE (Morris): bre,par,mar,spa (has 3, bld 1)
GERMANY (Sayers): ber,kie,mun,den,hol (has 3, bld 2)
ITALY (Munson): rom,ven,nap,tun (has 3, bld 1)
RUSSIA (Dwyer): mos,war,stp,swe (has 4, even)
TURKEY (Barno): ank,smy,con,bul,sev (has 3, bld 2)
Neutral: por,ser (Total=34)

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Kent Pollard, Box 491, Mammoth Hot Springs, Yellowstone Nat'l Park, WY 82190 ($4)

ENGLAND: Terry Tallman, 3805 SW Lake Flora Road, Port Orchard, WA 98367, (360) 874-0386 ($5)

terryt of

FRANCE: Scott Morris, 12110 Shelbyville Rd., Louisville, KY 40243 ($5)

Scottm221 of

GERMANY: Jim Sayers, 15 Holdsworth Street, Woollahra 2025, AUSTRALIA ($10)

100233.513 of

ITALY: Scott Munson, PO Box 1042, Gardiner, MT 59030, (406) 848-2102 ($5)

ABLodge of (Put Attn: Scott in your Subject since he shares this E-Mail)

RUSSIA: Luke Dwyer, Colgate University, Box J 1262, 13 Oak Hill Drive, Hamilton, NY 13346,

(315) 228-4625 ($5) Ldwyer of

TURKEY: Mike Barno, 634 Dawson Hill Road, Spencer, NY 14883 ($5)

mpbarno of

Game Notes:

1) Note that we have Winter builds and then Spring follows quickly. I urge that you use all the time before the Spring deadline to be negotiating for Spring. Don't just send in your builds and wait.


(FIELD MARSHAL JON RHODEHAMEL to THE RUSSIAN NATION): While the Diplomats discuss political agendas I have decided to begin the Great World War by taking what belongs to Austria! Let it begin. The War cometh!

(FROM THE HUT OF THE TOADA to THE FAR OFF SKY WALKER): And you think YOU got problems? Well actually you do. And I have tried to be encouraging but I suspect you got greased by the same person as several others out there. But it's ok. Speak softly and toady to a bigger toad!

(ADMIRAL KIRK VON AUSTIN): I agree with Field Marshal Rhodehamel! We take now and ask later! It is the Austrian way....

(TOAD HALL LECTURE SERIES): For those of you new to the campus there are a couple of things to think about. There are concepts that are mistaught at some of the lower levels of postal dip, e-dip or even face to face.

A major misconception is that Toads are bad. Toads are, in fact, good. The true toad nutures his toadies, supplies them with information, ideas and assistance in growing into big, fine, fat, dot filled toadies.

Toads come in various colors or course. The lesser toads usually encourage their toady friends and then gobble their dots at the first hint that the toady is in trouble. Has someone fed you information that appears to be about to cost you dots? Prestige? Or even survival?

That is a BAD toad. His (or her-although I have never met a BAD female toad) secretions, particularly those known as ``e-mail", are poisonous in the extreme. You must take a series of colder and colder showers while pretending to still believe the BAD toad. The BAD toad will be totally unaware of just how cold a shoulder you are giving him (or IMPOSSIBLY her) until it is too late.

Next week we will be lecturing on Barno's ``love children" and their positions on the board.

(AMBASSADOR KENT POLLÄRD): Zis is an outrage! Za High Command is acting on its own agenda. It seems gentlemen zat a Great Vorld Var is beginning! Vell. I had better begin to stock up on za brandy. It vill be a long one....

(MOSCOW to BERLIN): That last press wasn't mine. If you leave me alone I won't try to invade.

(PIERRE ScrUem): The President of France Pierre ScrUem strode quickly through the great hall. His Light Blue uniform looking shiny and new. ``What have we here?" He raged! Pierre ScrUem was not one to appreciate problems during battle. A young aid rushed to hand him a note.

``Sir the Germans have sent word that Belgium will be held by none other than the Kaiser himself." Pierre ScrUem stops in his tracks and snatches the note from the aid.

``I have dealt with swine like this before." Pierre ScrUem says while looks out the widow. ``There is only one way to deal with scum like the Germans. When they say one thing you shove the opposite down their beer guzzling throats." He reaches for this table and opens some wine ``Yes I think we are going to have to enlist our chum Flashman to the south to help us with breaking this wayward country."

(MR. FLASHMAN to MR. POLLÄRD): Old boy. After recently visiting the Archduke and his lovely family I have come to the conclusion that Austria sports the ladies aplenty! Quite the tumbling ground! The Pope is pleased upon receiving the 3 cases of bacon and brie cheeses that you sent. I look forward to discussing politics over a few bottles of cognac and we could visit that area of Vienna where the young men christen themselves in a baptism of revelry.

(GERMANY - AUSTRIA): Stay south or else. We don't cotton to your ties with Turkey.

(THE KAISER to THE PEOPLE OF FRANCE): So. You do not trust my people. Perhaps we could demonstrate our battle techniques and show the French how to be respectful.

(PIERRE ScrUem to ENGLAND): Now THAT is how an alliance works!

(ENGLAND to ALL): Sorry for the silent treatment. The dogs have been keeping me up all night.

(BRITAIN to TURKEY): So, you have a dog named Maryjane? That must be the picture you sent me. How come both of you are taking a shower together?

(AUNT POLLY'S AUSTRIAN BATH HOUSE IN GREATER DOWNTOWN TUSCANY): The towel person walks up behind the Italian Vacationer and says, ``Say buddy, you wanna pick up that soap fer me?"

``Why of COURSE!" exclaimed the Italian Vacationer. (I mean, for Ghod's sake! He isn't a warrior or he'd be off some place making WAR, for Ghod's sake!) ((You can say THAT again!! I don't think I've ever seen Italian moves quite like those. He must be harvesting the wine and forgetting that drinking it instead of selling it tends to immobilize armies....))

(TOAD to BARNO THE TURKEYSAUR): Well, not bad but can you pull a rabbit out of that hat?

(SERBIA THE FREE): The cleansing of the Magyars is complete! We are free and we wish to remain that way. The Serbians shall look elsewhere for more eradication programs. Perhaps the Bulgarians would do.... ((I know you intended that tongue in cheek, but I thought I would take that opportunity to slip in some Balkan War thoughts. You know, I think NATO faced the decision that they made in this way. Serbia was set to cleanse Kosovo of all non-Christians and the Kosovo rebels are basically as reprehensible ethnic cleansers as the Serbs. Thus, arming the Kosovo Liberation Army, shutting things off, and letting them fight just wasn't an option. Whoever won would eventually cleanse the other. Then, they really were worried about the continued expansion of this mission south into Macedonia and wanted to ABSOLUTELY isolate Serbia as the destabilizing force in the region. Thus, the bombing attack was not expected to ``succeed''. How could it??? But it was expected to politically isolate Serbia and give NATO time to assemble ground troops, if they eventually would be required (I suspect they will, but it's possible we will just let the Serbs finish the ethnic cleansing of Kosovo and then we will isolate them economically and politically from all their neighbors). The one Allied miscalculation was that I think they expected a flood of horrendous atrocities that could be documented (both in Kosovo and elsewhere) that for the most part aren't happening. This is by choice outside of Kosovo. Serbia could strike back in horrible ways against external civilian populations, but they are standing still and ``taking one for the team''. I actually think that a judicious use of American power abroad is necessary in the current world, including a willingness to have Americans die for the cause of freedom in the world, but I'm not sure this ``lesser of many evils'' campaign is going to make what they want in the end. We'll see, won't we. Oh yeah, the other peacekeepers in areas surrounding Serbia are doing a great job of providing a stabilizing policing presence and it was thought that if we could just get ourselves into Kosovo the same way it could be great. Naw, ain't gonna happen. I could be full of crap here, but that's how I see it. I do think it was a classic Mexican standoff.))

(TOAD to OLD FART DOWN UNDER): Interesting you are but dang it, I just can't seem to understand the punch line of your tale. ((Maybe there wasn't a punch line...))

SO GOOD IT HURTS: 1998 P, Regular Diplomacy


Winter 1901

AUSTRIA (K. Ozog): bld a vie; has a VIE, f GRE, a BUD, a SER.

ENGLAND (James): bld f edi, f lvp; has f EDI, f LVP, f ENG, f NWY, a BEL.

FRANCE (Dwyer): has f MID, a SPA, a PIC.

GERMANY (Goesle): bld a mun, a ber, f kie; has a MUN, a BER, f KIE, f DEN, a HOL, a MAR.

ITALY (Rauterberg): bld a ven, f nap; has a VEN, f NAP, f TUN, a PIE, a TRI.

RUSSIA (Rusnak): bld a war, a stp; has a WAR, a STP, f SWE, f SEV, a PRU, a RUM.

TURKEY (Emmert): bld f smy; has f SMY, f ANK, a BUL, a CON.

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Kurt Ozog, 1220 N. Ashbel Ave., Berkeley, IL., 60163, (708) 544-9330

kozog of

ENGLAND: Drew James, 8356 Radian Path, Baldwinsville, NY 13027-9357, (315) 652-1956 ($5)

dkbn of

FRANCE: Luke Dwyer, Colgate University, Box J 1262, 13 Oak Hill Drive, Hamilton, NY 13346, (315)

228-4625; School Breaks Only: 49 Middlesex Drive, Slingerlands, NY 12159, (518) 439-5796 ($5)

Ldwyer of

GERMANY: Warren Goesle, 3907 Cedar Ridge, #1B, Indianapolis, IN 46235 ($5)

ITALY: Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Dr., Greenfield, WI 53221, (414) 281-2339 ($5)

prosit of

RUSSIA: Russ Rusnak, 1551 Highridge Avenue, Westchester, IL 60154-3428 ($5)

TURKEY: Steve Emmert, 1752 Grey Friars Chase, Virginia Beach, VA 23456-5436, (757) 471-1842 ($5)

semmert of

Game Notes:

1) Here comes that Spring deadline!


(TURKEY to GERMANY): Congratulations on the trifecta. I'll be real interested to see where those new black blocks start marching, safe in the knowledge that I'm an unlikely target for your wrath. Assuming you have some wrath. ((Some wrath? He needs no wrath, Go-El has superpowers and can wipe your butt from anywhere!! Heh, heh, heh....))

(GO-EL to M-ERT): I'm getting email. But it took forever to get TAP. By the way, are your services available? I want someone sued for impersonating a Diplomacy player.

(ANKARA to BERLIN): Hey, Kaiser, how 'bout sending me some Hessian mercenaries? I know you can spare them, and I sure could use some more firepower down here. Why, there isn't an unoccupied dot within spittin' distance. ((Ah, now I see and I don't even need X-Ray vision....))

(ANKARA to MOSCOW): Two builds! Not bad for a snail-mailer. I don't think you should complain about the pace of communications for the rest of us; you've still done better than Kurt, Luke, and me, and you have no enemies leaning on your home dots. Wanna trade countries? ((Have you played with Russ before?? I thought not....))

(RUSS-PAUL): Read your letter regarding politics in the last issue. I'd hoped you'd grown out of all that free loader shit already. Despite a couple of flaws, Nixon (Clinton just proved the flaws put him ahead of his time) is still the best president in my lifetime. Bush and Reagan could have been good if only they's had the balls to stand up for what they supposedly believed in. If there is a hell, LBJ will rot there for what he did to the country.

I'd forgotten the Anderson joke. My girlfriend's brother was so excited about working for him. You should have seen the look on his face when I said I was voting for Reagan. Come to think of it, I think it was the only time her parents liked me.

(VIRGINIA BEACH to HAMILTON): Good luck with your finals, Luke. I'm guessing you'll get an A+ in European Geography.

(GERMANY to RUSSIA): That would be a DMZ. As in, don't move there. You told me earlier who you thought was going to win. I see now why you thought that. You are throwing it their way. Doofus.

(TURKEY to GERMANY): Okay, let me get this straight: You sweet-talked Goesle into supporting a move that NO ONE ELSE could bounce. (No doubt you were worried that those pesky Swedish partisans wouldn't let you into their helpless nation without a fight.) Whatever you put in his drink, could you send me a flask?

(TURK to LIMEY): Two boats, right?

(ITALY - GERMANY): Good boy. I see that Russia is in Sweden. See how easy that was?

(VIRGINIA BEACH to BOARD): Friendly reminder; I'm officially kicked out of City Hall after April 1, so my e-mail address with the City is no longer good. You can use my home address if you want (semmert of until May 1, and then I'll have a new business address: Lsemmert of Good luck tracking me down in April; I recommend the mindspring address, which I'll check as often as I can.



Turn 5

48 (replenish with a 3): Shemp
47 (replenish with a 4): Curly, Bernard Spoke, Larry, Kyle Broslofski(3)
46 (no replenishment): Empty
45 (no replenishment): Empty
44 (no replenishment): Empty
43 (replenish with a 3): Sir Isaac Newton(4), Kenny McCormick(1)
42 (replenish with a 5): Christoph Wheelhub(2), Eric Cartman
41 (replenish with a 7): Cottontail
- S - P - R - I - N - T - - F - I - N - I - S - H - - L - I - N - E -
40 (no replenishment): Empty
39 (replenish with a 3): Stan Marsh
38 (replenish with a 4): John Logie-Baird
37 (replenish with a 5): Mopsy
36 (replenish with a 6): Flopsy
35 (replenish with a 7): Peter, Alfred the Great
34 (no replenishment): Empty
33 (replenish with a 3): Moe, Broke Leg Meg, Shane the Chain
32 (replenish with a 6): Chasin' Jason
31 (replenish with a 7): Barkin' Larkin'
30 (no replenishment): Empty
29 (no replenishment): Empty
28 (replenish with a 3): Alessandro Cyclotron
27 (replenish with a 4): Will Shakespeare
26 (replenish with a 5): Damon Velodrome

Addresses of the Participants - Their Team and Their Cards

TEAM 1 (Farmer McGregor's Dinner): Eric Brosius, 53 Bird Street, Needham MA 02492

(0 points) 72060.1540 of CompuServe.COM

A: Flopsy 7 7 6 7
B: Mopsy 3 7 5
C: Cottontail 3 3 7
D: Peter 4 7 18

TEAM 2 (Chef's Crackers): Rick Desper, Bergheimer Strasse 114, 69115 Heidelberg, GERMANY

(4 points) rick_desper of or desper of

Coach is, of course, Chef
A: Stan Marsh (aka the Star Quarterback) 7 7 3 3
B: Kyle Broslofski (aka the Lonely Jew) 3 12 4
C: Kenny McCormick (aka the Pov) 16 4 3
D: Eric Cartman (aka the FatAss) 5 3 6

TEAM 3 (Goz Transportation Co.): Warren Goesle, 3907 Cedar Ridge, #1B, Indianapolis, IN 46235

(8 points) gozcorp of

A: Alessandro Cyclotron 7 3 10 8
B: Bernard Spoke 3 8 4
C: Christoph Wheelhub 3 5 9
D: Damon Velodrome 5 5 14

TEAM 4 (Brit Pack): John Harrington, 1 Churchbury Close, Enfield, Middlesex, EN1 3UW UK

(4 points) johnh of

A: Alfred the Great 18 4 11 7
B: Sir Isaac Newton 3 4 3
C: Will Shakespeare 4 3 5
D: John Logie-Baird 15 7 4

TEAM 5 (The Stoogecycles): David Partridge, 15 Elmer Drive, Nashua, NH 03062-1722

(23 points) rebhuhn of

A: Curly 3 8 4
B: Larry 3 3 4
C: Moe 3 10 3
D: Shemp 3 3 7

TEAM 6 (The Flat Wheel Society): John Schultz, #19390, W-M11L, Indiana Department of Correction,

(0 points) Plainfield Correctional Facility, 727 Moon Road, Plainfield, IN 46168-9400

A: Broke Leg Meg 3 15 9
B: Shane the Chain 3 9 10
C: Barkin' Larkin' 7 4 6
D: Chasin' Jason 6 7 16

Game Notes:

1) Since I like this game and am learning how to do this and have to put my new knowledge to good use, I will start another game. I'll keep the sign-up list here so that interested parties will see it as they peruse the szine. All games will start when they have precisely six players and for the moment I will keep the game opening list always on. This game will continue to be free, like Nuclear Yuppie Evil Empire. Currently in line for the next game are: Luke Dwyer, David Partridge, Rick Desper, Eric Brosius and John Schultz. I'm going to run this one, but David has volunteered to run a game in Tinamou, so when this second game gets started, I will be collecting interest to play the third game there. David should say which version of the rules he wants to use (I see at least three possibilities). This game will be played under Version 2.3 of the rules printed recently thanks to Keith Thomasson! There are a number of differences between Version 2.3 and the version we are playing with here in Version 2.2. Some confusion between these two versions of the rules caused my GMing errors here, so current players should look at these differences carefully, as they define the rules we are playing under: (i) The maximum value of any new card is 15 (in Version 2.2 this is unlimited). (ii) The Breaking Away bonus ONLY is earned on the first turn of breaking away from the pack (in Version 2.2 this also is unlimited). (iii) Overcrowding for the first turn is based on FOUR or more cyclists on it and affects ONLY the square in FRONT treated as blank (in Version 2.2 this was based on FIVE or more cyclists), and for these versions, contrary to the preferred version of the game designer, affects ONLY the square in front.

2) The other half of the Sprint points are awarded and the field is a bit strung out. Do the guys at the back have a chance to catch up?


(BUNNIES-FIELD): How come it got so quiet all of the sudden? ((Quiet?? Quiet?? Whatever do you mean?? Let's go on and see what others have to say and see if you still want to characterize them as ``quiet''.))

(WILL SHAKESPEARE): I think my iambic odometer is broken.

(MOPSY-KIND-HEARTED SCIENTIST): Do you have any tortoise genes?

(CHEF - > NEWTON): Nice trying getting the smallest standard deviation between your cards. (3,4,3). But Flopsy beat you (7,7,8,7).

(ALESSANDRO CYCLOTRON): TIME OUT! I gotta tie my shoe!

(GOZ TRANSPORTATION CO. QUARTERLY REPORT to THE PARENT CO., GOZ & CO., INC.): Profits off $26M this quarter, due to acquisition of new assets and huge legal fees incurred in the form of bribes when the FTC inquired about a potential bike part monopoly forming between us and the Stooges. The good news is most of the loss was recovered when the FTC legal team met an untimely demise at the hands of a large kid on a bicycle with a rocket booster. The better news is that the recovered money doesn't have to be reported to the shareholders.

(THE INVENTOR): BTW, just a small clarification to the ``breaking away" rule. This bonus is received only on the first turn the cyclist breaks away, not only on the first turn of Breaking Away (the game). If you see what I mean. Put more lucidly, it does not apply to the first turn of the game but to the turn on which the leader breaks away. Your notes in the last TAP say ``the breaking away bonus is only earned on the first turn of Breaking Away" which, particularly as the term ``breaking away" is capitalised, could lead people to think it only applies on the first turn of the game. I wonder if Keith has been playing it wrong? ((I doubt it, it's probably more that I just can't write.))

(ERIC-INVENTOR): I kind of like this game. It is pleasantly devoid of the irritating need for strategy and planning-or at least, for me it is.

(CHEF - > FLOPSY): Collecting sevens?

(TFWS - > THE TRUE HOOSIER): Yes, I copy. But I think we might hang back a little too far if we're not careful.

(CHEF - > HOOSIERS (BOTH OF YA)): Get yer butts up here!

(TFWS - > WHOEVER): The ``Brit Pack'' is looking damned good right about now.

(CHEF - > MOE): All my boys passed you - I hope you're not going to let your brothers carry your team by themselves. (Yeah, and Larry Fine, too.)

(CHEF - > SHAKESPEARE): Congrats on all the Oscars. BTW, my father is convinced that the Earl of Oxford wrote all those plays and that ``Shakespeare" was merely a pen name. Care to comment?

(CHEF - > BERNARD SPOKE): I first thought ``Bernard Spoke" was the sequel to ``Atlas Shrugs".

(ERIC - > FIELD): I made it! I crossed the finished line. Woo-hoo, I rule!

(KYLE - > ERIC): Um, Eric, you finished 9th in an 8 horse race. You get diddly squat for that.

(ERIC - > BOOB): What! $#$%$#$% You commie bastard pinko liberals! Gimme my points!

(CHEF - > MEG): You have to forgive Kenny when he's unclear. He tends to zip his coat pretty high, above his mouth. He's the South Park version of Mushmouth. These are the three defining characteristics of Kenny:

1) He zips his jacket way up, so it's hard to hear what he says.

2) He dies a lot.

3) He's a real dirty little bastard. (Can I say bastard in this 'zine?) ((Yes, fortunately or unfortunately, depending upon your point of view, this is not always a family szine. It does mean that some issues of the szine I can't access from my work machine, which has a ``filter'' attached to it. We'll see if this issue becomes one of them.))

(STAN - > DAMON VELODROME): You asked ``How do you pee in these tight pants." Well, let Kenny demonstrate.

(Kenny pees in his tight pants.)

(KIDS): hee hee hee

(WILL SHAKESPEARE): How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is; To be dropped by the pack, you bastards.

(ERIC-BOOB): I'm just a happy bunny.

(TFWS - > BOOB): I'll do better next time for sure. And I'm not as ugly as some as it stands now.

(ALFRED THE GREAT to WILL SHAKESPEARE): You've been less ready than Ethelred (actually ``unready" is a mistranslation of ``unrede", which means ``lacking in good counsel", but Ethelred the Ill-Advised does not look so good in history books)

(ERIC-BOOB): What are you doing spelling ``supersede'' with a ``c'' in ``Saddam Hussein'' ? ((Speeling supercede with a ``c'', what do you think I was doing?)) With all the words you print, one would think you'd have enough practice spelling! [Heh.]

(ERIC-BOOB): Hey, you start using a spell checker and the next thing you know you'll be showering with hot water!

FEAR AND WHISKEY: 1998Ers31, Modern Diplomacy



Spring 1998

BRITAIN (Schultz): f edi-NWG, a liv-CLY, f NOR S f swe, a bor-AUV,

f SWE S GERMAN f bal-gob (nso), f mor-SAO, f bis-BOR, f eng-MAO.

EGYPT (J. O'Donnell): f LBS-eme, a alb-MAC, a ANA S TURKISH a ank,

f lib-TUN, a aze-GEO, f EME-aeg.

FRANCE (Andruschak): f mar-MON, a lyo S a auv-mar (d ann),

a tus h (d ann), a auv-MAR.

GERMANY (Rauterberg): a ber-PRU, a mun-SAX, a SIL-war, a CZE-kra, a als-LYO,

a SWI S a als-lyo, f bal-gda (d r:gob,est,lit,otb), a PAR S BRITISH a bor-auv,

f BHM S a ber-pru, a SLO S a cze-kra.

ITALY (Ozog): a ven-TUS, f ROM S f tys-lig, a aus-MIL, f ION h, a PIE S a ven-tus,

f tys-LIG, a HUN-rum, f SER h.

POLAND (Sasseville): a pru-war (d ann), a BIE S a pod-kra, f GDA S f lat-bal,

f lat-BAL, a POD-kra, a mos S UKRAINIAN a vol-gor (d r:lat,otb).

RUSSIA (Goranson): a gor-MOS, a STP S a gor-mos, a lap-FIN.

SPAIN (S. O'Donnell): a sve-GIB, a NAV S BRITISH a bor-auv, f wme-SOG,

a and-BAR, a MAD S a and-bar.

TURKEY (Pollard): a KAZ-vol, a ANK S EGYPTIAN a aze-geo, a IST-bul,

a cau S EGYPTIAN a aze-geo (d r:aze,otb), f AEG-ist, a GRE S a ist-bul.

UKRAINE (Partridge): f EBS-geo, a ROS S a vol-cau, a CRP-vol, f WBS S a bul,

a kie-ODE, a vol-CAU, a RUM-ser, a BUL S a rum-ser.

Addresses of the Participants

BRITAIN: John Schultz, #19390, W-M11L, Indiana Department of Correction,

Plainfield Correctional Facility, 727 Moon Road, Plainfield, IN 46168-9400

EGYPT: Jeff O'Donnell, 402 Middle Ave., Elyria, OH 44035-5728, (440) 322-2920 ($4)

FRANCE: Harry Andruschak, PO Box 5309, Torrance, CA 90510-5309, (310) 835-9202 ($5)

GERMANY: Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Dr., Greenfield, WI 53221, (414) 281-2339 (E-Mail)

prosit of

ITALY: Eric Ozog, PO Box 1138, Granite Falls, WA 98252-1138, (360) 691-4264 ($5)

ElfEric of

POLAND: Roland Sasseville, Jr., 38 Bucklin Street, Pawtucket, RI 02861, (401) 722-4029 ($5)

roland6 of

RUSSIA: Rich Goranson, 10 Hertel Avenue #208, Buffalo, NY 14207-2532, (716) 876-9374 ($3)

ForlornH of

SPAIN: Sean O'Donnell, 126 S. Park, Oberlin, OH 44074, (440) 774-2928 ($5)

TURKEY: Kent Pollard, Box 491, Mammoth Hot Springs, Yellowstone National Park, WY 82190, ($10)

UKRAINE: Dave Partridge, 15 Elmer Drive, Nashua, NH 03062-1722, (603) 882-3523 ($8)

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Game Notes:

1) Check out the Modern Dip web page at: Cyberia/modern.htm


(THE MEKONS QUOTE OF THE MONTH): ``Oh let's not think of tomorrow, lest we disappointed be; Our joys may turn to sorrow as we all may daily see; Today we may be strong and healthy, but soon there comes a change...'' A song by Tommy Armstrong, written in the 1890's about the Trimdon Grange explosion, recorded by the Mekons on Honky Tonkin their best ``country punk'' record (and thus liked by Eric Ozog....).

(ANDRUSCHAK-GM): TAP-215 arrived 19 March. Another hectic scramble to meet the deadline! ((See above.)) Yes, I'm getting too old for this sort of thing! Had to take a week off from work due to stress. My doctor measured my blood pressure at 170/100 and decided I needed some rest. As for explaining ``Categorical Imperatives'' to TAP, I need only put on the robe of Logical Positivism and point out that the term ``Categorical Imperative'' may have no meaning unless it is properly defined first. ((Indeed.))

However, if anybody out there has an interest in a philosophy book that has had a DIRECT impact on my life, try William James; Variety of Religious Experiences. This is the book Bill Wilson read when putting together the Alcoholics Anonymous spiritual program. He also listened to the original atheists and agnostics of AA, and modified the 12 steps. And that is why on 17 March 1999, this atheist celebrated 15 years of sobriety. Yes, I have read James' book, but I am curious as to how others evaluate this prime example of the Pragmatic School of American Philosophy.

I will be on vacation in China 17 April-7 May. Please take me off ALL standby lists until further notice.

Concerning your reviews of British szines, I have already used your International Subscription Exchange to sub to Dolchstoss. I have a bit of extra money, so would be interested in subscribing to a couple more szines through the service. Any recommendations? ((Not at the moment, lots of flux over there right now. Ask me again if I forget to discuss it.))

(SPAIN to ITALY): Why did you not participate in the bombing of Serbia (Yugoslavia on a real map.) Since there is clensing going areound Why didn't you prevent this from happening. I guess in the Americans' eyes you don't own it. At least we respect your claim.

(A DEMOCRAT-REPUBLICANS): In case you overlooked it, February was National Potato Month. Or as Dan Quayle spells it, Februarye.

(A REPUBLICAN-DEMOCRATS): It seems the real reason that the Democrats switched their convention from Boston to Los Angeles was that Ted Kennedy offered to be the designated driver.

(A DEMOCRAT-REPUBLICANS): Vince and Larry, the two crash test dummies, have announced they will no longer appear in TV commercials. After retirement they will work on Dan Quayle's presidential campaign.

(A REPUBLICAN-DEMOCRATS): Ted Turnr has apologized to the pope for telling a Polish joke. One more public apology and the Democrats will nominate Turner for President.

(P-U): I hope I am right in trusting you though I am not worthy!

(JERRY FALWELL-WORLD): Beware that bizarre creature who wears a purple jumpsuit, carries a purse, and has a triangle on his head. Some say he's straight, some say he's gay. You know who I'm talking about.... Dennis Rodman, playing for the Lakers. Next month I will be ``outing'' Snuggles, the fabric softener teddy bear.

(LAKER FAN-JERRY FALWELL): But it sure was exciting to see Rodman in purple and gold.... but enough about his hair.

(P): Treaty is signed and approved and in the mail. May we all stick together in the face of evil.

(FRANCE-ENGLAND): It would seem as if Global Warming is the cause of sharks appearing off English beaches for the first time. They must be really desperate if they have to go to England looking for food.

(BERLIN to DANZIG): Our best warriors came from Prussia. Watch them return there!

(ELMO to GERMANY): ``Tickle us, shall we not laugh? Prick us, shall we not bleed? Wrong us, shall we not seek revenge?" Klingon Warriors Way p. 131

(US ARMY-HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUTS): Yes, we want to recruit YOU under new ``Don't Ask, Don't Spell'' policy. Just because you cannot make correct change at the local fast food outlet doesn't mean you cannot accurately fire a Tomahawk missile.

(GERMAN EMBASSY PARIS): Hmm.... What is Harry to do? Order A Auv to Paris, to cut our support for Alsace to Lyon? Order A Lyon to Paris, to cut our backing of the Brit move on Auverne? He'd be wisest to do both, n'est-ce pas? Shifting F Mar-Mon to leave retreating room for one of his armies might be a wise course of action, but where does he put TWO fleeing units? It must be a bitter pill to swallow, seeing a recently strong secure power turn to dust in so short a time. Harry, we hardly knew ye.

(HARRY ANDRUSCHAK-WORLD): In 1947 a flying saucer was alleged to have crashed at Roswell, New Mexico. Nine months later, Al Gore was born. Coincidence? We THINK Not! And nine months ago, the only China Bill Clinton had to worry about was the stuff Hillary was throwing at him.

(BRITAIN - SPAIN): Well, I'd like to... but... naaahhh... it just doesn't seem practical...

(SEAN O'DONNELL to BOOB): They told me I was gullible.... and I believed them!

(BRITAIN - BOOB): Of course... three little dots aren't exactly the most practical way to express a pregnant pause... either...

(SPIDER MAN to WORLD): Trust, but locate the doors.

(SILESIA): A strong suicidal streak seems to have become the norm in Poland. (Their) silence is a golden excuse for us to decimate their homeland, and to relieve them of the responsibility of wise rulership. The war with Ukraine must be conducted in a competent manner, by a power free from the distraction of invasions from all sides. That power can only be Germany. Die well, and quickly, neighbor!

(STRAY PRESS): Vive La France! Hey this keeps popping up everywhere?

(WOLF-CROCODILE): One notes you are shedding tears over the demise of France. Perhaps you should keep an open mind about saving some tears for yourself.

(ROLAND to JIM): No berating this time despite the fact that ``hrork hrork" to indicate your laughter deserves some sort of derision. ((It is FAMOUS in the hobby, perhaps originated by the Great Bob ``Sludge'' Olsen, or perhaps just popularized by him. It probably was invented by Mike Mazzer. Hey, someone could go find Mazzer. He E-Mails me out of the blue once every two or three years, but I haven't heard from him in awhile.)) I missed Boston as I was in the Big Apple. The mayor of Boston must be happy I was because it kept the crime rate in his city down by one stabbing incident! ((Hyork, Hyork, hyork.... and spell it right next time!))

(ROME-PARIS): It seems like a lot to dispatch 5 of my units to deal with one lone pirate, but it will guarantee that the job will get done and I can drive on to Monaco. Bon Voyage, Little Frenchman!

(THE DARK SIDE-KIEV): Not much going on on the Eastern front at the moment, but rest assured we will soon join the Sultan and the Little Pharoah to deal with your rebel friends....

(AMBASSADOR ATÄTURK PÖ-LLARD to AMBASSADOR PARTRIDGE): You are a masterful Diplomat. But... the War continues....

(MUNICH to AUSTRIA): Did We get this mixed up?

(SPAIN-TURKEY): You can use the swords I'll stick to my (guns.) On the other hand since your useing swords in a industralist war and is holding its own I must admit that your armies is the best amongst us.

(BRITAIN - SPAIN): You are a nervous sort to be sure. Well, this time you were right to be, I suppose. Let's see how long you can keep Iberia securely yours.

SHOW ME THE MONEY: 1997Mea04, Colonial Diplomacy


Summer 1905

BRITAIN (York): R a ben-TIB; has f ARA, a TAS, a KAR, f RS, f HK, f SIN, a ASS, f PER, f AS,

a TIB, f NAN, f MAL.

CHINA (Goranson): has a CHU.

FRANCE (Sasseville): has f ANN, a TON, f GOS, f BAN(EC), f SCS, a CAN, a RAN, a BEN,

a U.BUR, f FOR.

HOLLAND (Desper): has f BOR, f SIO, f SAR, f JS, f CEBU, a SUM, f SUN.S, f LS.

JAPAN (Dwyer): has a KYO, a KYU, a VLA, f UP, f ECS, a MAC, f OS, f YS,

f SOJ, a SEO.

RUSSIA (Williams): R a per-AFG; has a OMSK, a AFG, a IRK,

a TAB, f MED, a BAKU, a MON, f SHA, a SHI, a KAG, a PEK, a SIK, a LAN, f ANG.

TURKEY (Tallman): has a SYR, f SUD.

Addresses of the Participants

BRITAIN: Andy York, PO Box 201117, Austin, TX 78720-1117

wandrew of

CHINA: Rich Goranson, 10 Hertel Avenue #208, Buffalo, NY 14207-2532, (716) 876-9374 ($5)

ForlornH of

FRANCE: Roland Sasseville, Jr., 38 Bucklin Street, Pawtucket, RI 02861, (401) 722-4029 ($8)

Djrolandb of

HOLLAND: Rick Desper, Bergheimer Strasse 114, 69115 Heidelberg, GERMANY (E-Mail)

rick_desper of or desper of

JAPAN: Luke Dwyer, Colgate University, Box J 1262, 13 Oak Hill Drive, Hamilton, NY 13346, (315)

228-4625; School Breaks Only: 49 Middlesex Drive, Slingerlands, NY 12159, (518) 439-5796 ($4)

Ldwyer of

RUSSIA: Don Williams, 27505 Artine Drive, Saugus, CA 91350, (805) 297-3947 ($5)

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TURKEY: Terry Tallman, 3805 SW Lake Flora Road, Port Orchard, WA 98367, (360) 874-0386 ($0)

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GM: Jim-Bob Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327, (401) 351-0287

Game Notes:

1) Just some retreats... any press, any press??? Wow, some VERY last minute stuff, just under the wire. Press NMR's for a whole game are grounds for expulsion from the szine.


(F-B): Last chance call now all treaties are on sale half price!

(F-W): See note on GM abuse in Fear and Whiskey

(MACHIAVELLI to JIM): I fail to see how a thoughtless mind that understands no others is a good type to be. The only way I see this is if you say that maybe as Dip players we out think ourselves. ((Huh, did I say that? I agree with you, you are the Master!))


COLUMBUS CHILL: 1993 J, Regular Diplomacy



Fall 1921

AUSTRIA (Davis): a BUD h.

FRANCE (Zarr): a MAR S GERMAN f mid-spa(sc) (nso), f SPA(NC) h,

a POR S GERMAN f mid-spa(sc) (nso).

GERMANY (Jones): a SIL-gal, f hol-BEL, f pic-BRE, f MID h, f ENG S f mid, a BUR S FRENCH a mar,

a GAL-rum, a MOS-sev, a VIE S a tyo-tri, a BOH S a vie, a MUN S a tyo (otm),

a tyo-tri (ann), a GAS S FRENCH f spa(nc), a PAR h, a UKR S a gal-rum,

f IRI S f mid, f NAO S f mid.

TURKEY (Weiss): a BUL S a rum, f TUS S f pie, f BLA S a sev, a RUM S AUSTRIAN a bud,

a ven-TYO, a TRI S a ven-tyo, a SER S AUSTRIAN a bud, f GOL S GERMAN f mid-spa(nc) (nso),

a SEV S RUSSIAN a ukr-mos (nso), f WES S GERMAN f mid-spa(sc) (nso), f NAF-mid,

f PIE S GERMAN a bur-mar (nso), f ADR S a tri.

Supply Center Chart

AUSTRIA (Davis): bud (has 1, even)
FRANCE (Zarr): por,spa,mar (has 3, even)
GERMANY (Jones): mun,kie,ber,den,hol,bel,swe,nwy, (has 16, bld 1)
TURKEY (Weiss): ank,con,smy,bul,rum,sev,gre, (has 13, even)
Neutral: none (Total=34)

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Rick Davis, 1130 Hevrin Cr., Soledad, CA. 93960, (831) 678-2132 days, (831) 678-4470 eve.

redavis914 of

FRANCE: Harold Zarr, 215 Glen Drive, Iowa Falls, IA 50126-1957, (515) 648-2821

GERMANY: Charles Jones, 1722 Quail Circle, Corona, CA 91720-4155, (909) 735-8981

RUSSIA: Eric Schlegel, 314 Fords Lane, Aberdeen, MD 21001, (410) 272-3314

TURKEY: Richard Weiss, 500 Beale St. # 104, San Francisco, CA 94105, (415) 512-7221

rcw of

GM: Jim-Bob Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327, (401) 351-0287

Game Notes:

1) The concession to Austria fails. Concessions to Austria, Germany and Turkey are proposed. Draws for FG, FGT, and FAGT also are proposed. Please vote with your Winter.... well, just vote in Winter.


(TUR-FRA): Are you really happy now? ((I sincerely doubt it, he tried to support Germany and Germany didn't take the support. AND, in what would have been a more effective move [since Harold could not have contributed to dislodging himself], YOU tried to support Germany too!))

(TUR-GER): Congratulations, no matter how achieved, a solo is a solo, is the end of the game. ((True, but we don't have one yet....))

(GERMANY >> > JIM BOB): That's not fair. To change the draw rules in mid-game. ((We haven't changed the draw rules at any time.)) I think draws in and of themselves are un-cool. ((I basically agree, and so does Richard...)) The failure to vote rule really sucks. ((No it doesn't. If someone wants to vote, they had better vote. This way, no game ends before its time. If you're bothered by people not voting, induce them to vote, don't complain to the GM.)) THe biggest un-cool of them all are draws involving nobodies. ((Wrongo! These are WAY-COOL. As proposals, certainly! Hey, if you don't like 'em, vote agin' 'em.))

(TUR-AUS): I'm bitter that we had our chances and I blew them. Sorry. ((Here's another one, what will you do with this one? Holding Tyrolia is sufficient to break the line, but can you hold it?))

(TUR-GM): Thank you for pubbing the szine so I could learn again how stupid I am - as though I really should ``pay" for this knowledge. ((Hey, you don't get out so easily! Bring on some more stupidity!!))

(TUR-BLACK PRESSERS AND GUEST CONTRIBUTORS): Thanks for the increased interaction and fun.

(TUR-GER): I still would have preferred you to come after me and for us to have a great 1984 3-way battle.

(GERMANY - > TURKEY): Kubla Kahn?

(TUR-FRA): Taking a fleet to SPA(SC) and MAR would have given you tempo into the MED and to Italy. Did it seem otherwise to you? And why didn't you pursue that option which would have made you equal to Germany and me struggling for a very small draw line survival?

Personal Note to You:

File translated from TEX by TTH, version 1.66.