March 7, 1999

Produced by Jim Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327 USA, (401)351-0287

Accessible through Internet at burgess of; FAX to (401) 277-9904

As we ponder the way to succeed at Diplomacy, I was reminded recently of one of Aesop's fables that is one of the few ``multiplayer game" discussions around. This is the fable of the ass, the fox, and the lion. The ass, the fox, and the lion team up for a successful hunt whose spoils they now must divide. The ass splits the prey into three equal piles and invites the lion to make the first choice, whereupon the lion eats the ass. The fox then makes one very big pile and one very small pile and offers the lion a choice.....

I think this is a deep and wise fable of Diplomacy, don't you?

Two Brit szines that I really enjoy are downsizing or folding and I received the most recent issues within a day or two of each other. Mark Stretch is folding One Man's Rubbish. In particular, I had found Mark's letter column and British hobby news sections really interesting, he also had some great subszines, including a MASSIVE one by Chris Dickson. Chris is looking for a home now, but what he produces already is a szine in itself. I hope it works out. The other one is someone I want to dedicate this issue to as one of my longest and most faithful traders, and that is Alex Richardson and his publication Obsidian. I found the brief two page flyer a little confusing, since it didn't really say what was happening to the games, if he was really folding down to a two page newsletter, or what. Alex and I have long shared a similar publishing philosophy and I found his description his current circumstances strangely echoing. I seem to still have a "well of inspiration", but any time I am a week late (that briefly threatened to slip to TWO!) I start to wonder. I hope this is just a difficult busy stretch. For me, TAP is one of the things that helps to maintain a balance in my life, I hope it keeps going awhile longer. I will really miss full Obsidian's and hope that Alex publishes SOMETHING.

Lastly, a brief comment on filmmaker Stanley Kubrick's passing. In my pantheon, he is one of the top five filmmakers of all time and I will really miss him. Who else did the best SF movie, the best Vietnam war movie, the best Cold War movie, the best Roman slave movie, the best baroque costume epic, the best Stephen King movie, and who knows how many other bests in a variety of genres? I now wait for the best psycho-sexual drama movie, which will be out shortly.

I apologize in advance for any disjointedness as this issue is a week late. At the last minute, I just crammed everything I had in and went with it. I'm still holding a bunch of letters and other things for next issue. Everything that came by E-Mail is in, but I know some of the postal things are not. Still, I think all will agree that there is lots to read here. I'll get caught up next time.


The postal sub price is a flat $1.00 per issue in the US and Canada, a bargain at twice the price.... but you can double that for other foreign subbers (or $2.00 per issue sent airmail). Players in current games and standbys will continue to get the issues for free, and future game starts (except for Nuclear Yuppie Evil Empire Diplomacy, which is free) cost $20.00 ($15.00 for a life of the game subscription and $5 for the NMR Insurance). Note the price increases for games, with the rates for subbing to the szine holding fixed for the moment. I'm not going to start any more new games (other than the Star Trek game) until some games end.

Check out the connections in the Diplomatic Pouch with all of the information you need to play Diplomacy on the Internet at:

Through Stephen Agar's (having recently taken this over from Jamie McQuinn) Postal portion of the Pouch:

the szine resides in html format. Presently, issues from #190 to the current issue are there, and I will be updating the back issues gradually in the near future.

The most recent issue also can be accessed through David Wang's and Pete Sullivan's web pages:

1) David has grabbed and reserved the HIGHLY prized name:!! His ``version'' of this szine is somewhat more html.friendly than the one I created, so please check it out. David Wang's site also allows you to follow John Caruso's postal baseball league that I am in.

2) Pete Sullivan's subszine can be found at:

By electronic mail, through the Internet, subs are free and can be obtained automatically by sending the message: subscribe tap

to majordomo of and messages can be sent to the entire electronic mailing list by mailing them to tap of which will forward your message to all of the people currently on the list. The message:

unsubscribe tap

sent to majordomo of gets you off the list. Please make careful note of that as well since you generally can get yourself off the list a lot easier than I can, and NOBODY likes to see unsubscribe messages sent to the entire list. A big, big thank you for David Kovar for setting this all up!!


Bernie has not been found yet, but you guys are all lucky that my szine mentor and all-round great guy Eric Ozog has saved your butts and prevented a fold. Yes, we have found Dan Stafford, and Eric wins the prize for ``delivering'' him. See some notes from Dan below. Now go find some more people, before I have to get cranky again!!

This is now going to be a regular continuing feature of the szine and I will be introducing a new ``search for'' every five issues. Moreover, you can win a $25 prize for finding some previous target who went unfound in the original $50 period. That means that if Kevin Tighe or Garret Schenck or Jerry Lucas or Al Pearson is ``found'' from now on it is worth $25. Plus, Steve Emmert will throw in another ten spot for Garret Schenck if you can get Garret to write to him.

Winners will receive credit for Dip hobby activities that I will pay out as requested by the winner. Subscribe to szines here or abroad, run your own contests, publish a szine, finance a web page, or whatever. Spend it all right away or use me as a bank to cover hobby activities for years. What must you do to win? Get me a letter to the editor for TAP from the person we're searching for. This is very important, just finding them doesn't do it. They have to write me a letter. The final judge as to the winner of any contest will be the target himself and I reserve the right to investigate the winning entry. When you find someone I'm looking for, you should ask him to send me a letter for print that includes a verification of who ``found'' him.

((I asked Dan Stafford, ``I hope you are doing well and don't mind being dragged out of your lack of contact with the Dip hobby.'' and he replied:))

Dan Stafford (Thu, 4 Mar 1999 22:53:11 -0500)

Oh, I don't mind. It is kind of nice to know that somebody still cares! And besides, I hear Ozog needs the money.....

I'm alive, alive. Hit the big 4-0 last March. But I still have hair, balls that work and a not so secret obsession with games.

Dan, stafford of, 3284 Atlin Ave, Dublin, OH 43017

((Well, there you go, Dan. For being found, you win a lifetime subscription to this little Dipszine. Loquacious as ever, ask me if I am surprised at any part of your short note... thanks, I'm glad Eric wins and that you are found. After seeing some issues, feel free to write again.))


The British representative is the editor of Mission From God, John Harrington. John may be contacted at 1 Churchbury Close, Enfield, Middlesex EN1 3UW, UK (johnh of or JHarrington of The representives in Australia (John Cain, PO Box 4317, Melbourne University 3052, AUSTRALIA) or Belgium and some other European countries (Jef Bryant, Rue Jean Pauly, 121, B-4430 ANS, BELGIUM) also will forward your subscription on to the editor in either Australian dollars or continental European currencies respectively. Please include the full name and address of the foreign publisher with your order, if possible, as well as the szine title. Make your check in US dollars out to me personally. I will conduct business for Canadians as well, if I can, but prefer to deal in US dollars with them if possible, or Canadian dollars cash. To subscribe to American szines, the system works in reverse.

DIPDOM NEWS SECTION (with letters)

Obscure and not-so-obscure ramblings on the state of the hobby and its publications, custodians, events, and individuals with no guarantee of relevance from the fertile keyboard of Jim-Bob, the E-Mail Dip world, and the rest of the postal hobby. My comments are in italics and ((double quotation marks)) like this. Bold face is used to set off each individual speaker. I should also make a note that I do edit for syntax and spelling on occasion.

A discussion is taking place that will address what stance we (the hobby) should take (proactive in some way for sure) toward Hasbro, the new owners of the rights to Diplomacy. Lately, we have been discussing the new Diplomacy board that Hasbro is designing, so I think we can at least guarantee that Diplomacy will still exist in the board game version in the US. If you want to be part of the discussion, send the MESSAGE:

subscribe hasbro

to majordomo of, it works just like the tap mailing list described below. Sending messages to hasbro of sends the mail to the whole list.

The game Diplomacy is a copyrighted product owned by Hasbro and all reproductions or other use of that material in this szine is intended to be personal use and not infringe on those rights in any way. All reproductions are done at a heavy financial loss to the editor and thus are without the remotest possibility of commercial intent, except to promote THE game, the Game of Diplomacy, which you all should purchase from Hasbro or other duly licensed distributors.

Jim Sayers (Mon, 1 Feb 1999 19:02:10 -0500)

Dear Jim, The Internet is one of the best things that has happened to people living in remote places. And let's face it, Australia is remote. It is 14 hours non-stop across the Pacific, Sydney to LA. And LA is considered remote; ``The Far West", by the rest of the States. I have friends in LA and NY, usually manage a round-world trip (Cheapest way, from here.) about every three years or so.

But on the Net we are all minutes away from each other, irrespective of where we live on the planet. I play about 6 Dip games at any one time, only two or three in Australia, including Western Front with Brad Martin in Perth. Nothing in Sydney for some reason, probably the climate. We tend to spend much more time outdoors than you cold climate people. It seldom gets below 50 f. here even in midwinter. ((Right now, we're dealing with the late Winter snows and looking to spring....))

You may find that the electronic part of the Magazine will gradually take over the games section. A shame if it does too much, because the literary section obviously gives great pleasure. Please give me a nudge if I'm overdrawn. I know full well what a labor of love a 'zine is and really appreciate the loving hours you put into it. Certainly I would not rest easy if I thought you were out of pocket as well.

Regards, Jim. 100233.513 of

((Actually, Jim, you are now part of the ``Product''. You are in a game and have a ``life of the game subscription''. I undoubtedly will lose money on this deal, but then having games gives the subscribers something to subscribe to! Donations always are cheerfully accepted since I lose mucho moolah on this thing each year, but I enjoy it and don't really notice most of the time. So you'll get no nudges from me until your game ends.))


It also is time to ask for your ``best of 1998'' lists. Give it to me anyway you want to - a top 10, a couple of favorites, a list, an essay, whatever - the classic is to tell me your top singles, top albums, and best concerts of the year, but you are the boss. Don't wait too long though because I want to move into the party tape issues pretty quickly. I plan to have my list in NEXT time. I'm a bit rushed at the moment, but two subszines will keep this issue huge.


This section is developing a list of the great party singles of the century. You'll get a definite sense of quirky before we're done. You'll also get a sense of timelessness. I'll assume that I'll also get some comments from some of you. I'm going to set a slate of only 10 - that's just ONE more from what is below and then DEMAND votes from you out there to fill the rest of the slots. The Bullpen voting system I am envisioning will work like this: you each get ten votes which you can allocate across as few as two songs (5 votes apiece) or as many as ten songs (1 vote for each). You can allocate your ten votes any way you want, but you can't put any more than five votes on any one song. You also get ONE B-52 song vote (although you can add votes from your main allotment if desired) and THREE Drug Song votes which will be held in a separate category. The other ``special'' bullpens must be voted on from your main allotment of votes. I decided that I WILL print running totals and print the names of the people who have voted. Also, you guys wrote some great stuff about the songs, so I've printed that too! Write-ins will be permitted, but are unlikely to win. I know I have lost some suggestions that aren't in the bullpen lists below, so feel free to mention 'em again! Everything that started in the bullpen started with one vote.

To encourage voting early, five voters at random will receive five US dollars from me (either in cash or paid to someone for Dip stuff). I will take these voters at random every other issue, starting with this issue, and draw one randomly, so early voters get FIVE chances to win, but no one will be allowed to win twice. I'm also giving the round one voters below five chances in said drawing, those in the second round four, and so on, to more heavily penalize the chances of those last minute voters and reward these pioneers! That should do it!! Mike Barno wins five dollars for this issue's prize. Prizes also will be awarded in issues 217, 219, 221, and 223. Voters thus far through Round 1 are Mike Barno($5), Rick Desper, Tony Dickinson, Drew James, Heath Gardner, and John Harrington.

We'll end up with a monster party tape at the end of it that I plan to segue and sequence and copy for distribution. The result will be a great New Millenium party tape. I've also been thinking that I should put this out on CD as truly emblematic of the new millenium. I don't have the capability to do that quite yet, but I think I might by then. Any suggestions (or especially volunteers) on this front will be cheerfully accepted and could receive monetary payments!

So far, we have ``I Melt With You'' by Modern English; George Gershwin's ``I got Plenty O' Nuttin' '' from Porgy and Bess in the 1957 concert recording with Ella Fitzgerald finishing off the vocals after Louis Armstrong blows and sings through the tune; Duke Ellington performing Billy Strayhorn's ``Take the A Train''; Frank Sinatra's ``New York, New York''; something from the B-52's; the original Van Morrison and Them version of ``Gloria''; The (English) Beat's 12 inch version of ``Save It for Later'' ratchets things up to the next level (wherever you put it!); Buster Poindexter's ``Hot, Hot, Hot'' keeps you there; ``Atomic Dog'' by George Clinton blows the doors off, and Koko Taylor cleans up singing Willie Dixon's ``Wang Dang Doodle''.

EXTRA SPECIAL B-52'S BULLPEN: (3) ``Love Shack''. (2)``Planet Claire''; ``Give Me Back My Man". (1) ``Rock Lobster"; ``Dance This Mess Around"; ``Private Idaho''; ``Deadbeat Club''; NONE.

BULLPEN: (7) ``Cumberland Blues'' - the Grateful Dead; Nirvana - ``Smells Like Teen Spirit". (5) ``Mannish Boy" - Muddy Waters. (4) Lou Reed - ``Sweet Jane''; ``Twistin the Night Away" - Sam Cooke; ``Shake, Rattle, & Roll" - Big Joe Turner; Devo - ``Whip It". (3) ``Dancing With Myself'' - Billy Idol's Gen X; B Movie - ``Nowhere Girl"; ``Add It Up'' - Violent Femmes. (2) ``Fire on the Mountain'' - the Grateful Dead; Squeeze - ``If I Didn't Love You"; Violent Femmes - ``Blister in the Sun"; ``Jambalaya" - Hank Williams; ``party at ground zero'' by fishbone; Green Day - ``Basket Case''; ``Train In Vain'' - The Clash; ``I Wanna Be Sedated" - Ramones; ``Magic Mountain" - the Animals; ``Pass the Dutchie" - Peter Tosh; ``Lithium'' - Nirvana; ``Rocking the Casbah'' - The Clash. (1) ``Walk This Way'' - Run-DMC; ``Roadrunner'' - Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers; ``Roadrunner'' - the Animals; Strunz and Farrah - ``Americas''; Clarence ``Gatemouth'' Brown - ``Up Jumped the Devil''; David Bowie - ``Fame''; ``Tweedle Dee'' by Lavern Baker; ``Been Caught Stealing'' - Jane's Addiction; ``Hard to Handle'' - Black Crowes; ``Birth-day'' - Suzanne Vega; Doors - ``Road House Blues"; Cure - ``In between days"; Little Richard - ``Rock Island Line''; Bangles - ``Hazy Shade of Winter"; ``Magic Carpet Ride" - Steppenwolf; Go-Go's - ``Our Lips are Sealed"; Peter Frampton - ``Do you feel like we do"; Led Zeppelin - ``Hey, Hey what can I do"; Three Dog Night - ``Shambala"; ``Party Train'' - Gap Band; ``Proud Mary'' - Ike and Tina Turner; Concrete Blonde - ``Still in Hollywood"; ``The Pusher" - Steppenwolf; ``Revolution" - the Beatles; ``Locomotion" - Little Eva; ``Want Ad Blues" - John Lee Hooker; ``Give the Dog a Bone" - AC/DC; ``I Feel Good" - James Brown; ``In the Mood" - Glenn Miller; ``Chain of Fools" - Aretha Franklin; ``Twist & Shout" - Beatles; ``What I Like About You" - Romantics; ``And We Danced" - Hooters; ``Particle Man" - They Might Be Giants; Erasure - ``River Deep, Mountain High"; Public Enemy - ``Bring Tha Noize (w/Anthrax)" ``All Along the Watchtower" - Jimi Hendrix's KISS THE SKY version of Bob Dylan's song); ``One Love" - Bob Marley.

SPECIAL GEORGE CLINTON BULLPEN: (2) ``I Just Wanna Testify''; ``Flash Light''. (1) Prince - ``Bob & George"; ``Let's Take It to the Stage'', ``The Pinocchio Theory''.

SPECIAL MILLENNIUM BULLPEN: ``1999'' - Prince; ``Disco 2000'' - Pulp. These songs are officially INELIGIBLE FOR THE TAPE!!!

SPECIAL ROLLING STONES BULLPEN: (6) ``Paint It Black''. (3) ``Satisfaction". (1) ``Jumpin' Jack Flash", ``Get Off of My Cloud'', ``Sympathy for the Devil''.

SPECIAL TALKING HEADS BULLPEN: (2) ``Take me to the River". (1) ``The Great Curve'', ``Life During Wartime'', the entire Speaking in Tongues record.

SPECIAL ALPHABET SONG BULLPEN: (1) ``YMCA" - Village People; ``MTA" - Kingston Trio.

SPECIAL DRUG MUSIC BULLPEN: (5) ``Casey Jones'' - the Grateful Dead. (4) ``Red, Red Wine'' - UB40. (2) The Toys - ``Smoke Two Joints''; ``Don't Bogart that Joint'' - Fraternity of Man; ``Easy Skanking" - Bob Marley; ``Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll'' - Ian Dury and the Blockheads; entire Animals album - Pink Floyd. (1) ``Cocaine'' - Eric Clapton's version; ``Panama Red'' - New Riders; ``Smoke, Smoke, Smoke (That Cigarette)'' - Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen; ``I'm an Okie from Muskogee'' - Merle Haggard; ``Legalize It'' - Peter Tosh; ``Heroin'' - Lou Reed and Velvet Underground; ``The Drugs Don't Work" - The Verve; ``Old Red Eyes is Back" - Beautiful South; ``Hemp, for Victory''; ``Sinsemilla" - Black Uhuru; ``The Old Dope Peddler'' - Tom Lehrer; Hawkwind - ``LSD''; ``Hassan I Sahba''(Hashish) - Hawkwind; Sisters Of Mercy - ``Amphetamine Logic''; ``The Needle and the Damage Done'' - Neil Young; ``More Songs about Chocolate and Girls'' - The Undertones; Pink Floyd - ``Obscured by Clouds''; Stranglers - ``Golden Brown''; Levellers - ``Just the One''; New Model Army - ``Heroin''; Magic Mushroom Band - ``Ditto Skunk''; Thin Lizzy - ``Whisky in the Jar''.

Mike Barno

Time to vote already? 1 bullpen vote each for: ``Fire on the Mountain", ``Cumberland Blues", ``Shake, Rattle, and Roll", an earlier ``Roadrunner" by the Animals (or the yet earlier original, I don't know who), ``Party at Ground Zero", ``Jambalaya", ``I Just Wanna Testify", ``Take Me to the River", ``All Along the Watchtower" (Jimi Hendrix's KISS THE SKY version of Bob Dylan's song), and ``One Love" (Bob Marley). 1 B-52 vote for ``none". 1 Drug song vote each for: ``Magic Mountain", ``Pass the Dutchie", and ``Smoke Two Joints".

Mike, mpbarno of

Rick Desper (Sun, 28 Feb 1999 07:07:01 -0800 (PST))

Before I give you my music votes, I want to agree with you about Prince. I think he kills himself to a large extent, though. If Michael Jordan had Prince's sense of self-marketing, we'd all be watching hockey. Still, he wrote the best love songs of the 80s.

Ironically, his best song was sung by Sinead O'Connor, not by him. ``Nothing Compares to You." The only song she ever sang that I really could listen to. Even as an Irish-American, I haven't mustered much interest in her suffering songs. Amazing how quickly she disappeared off the pop music landscape after ripping up that picture of John Paul II on Saturday Night Live! (As an amusing side note, that led to the cheapest Halloween costume I've ever seen - the guy showed up merely with a hand-drawn picture of the pope. The second-cheapest Halloween costume was the same guy's other idea: showing up with a knit hat. He would put it on and say ``I'm still Johnnie Cochrane.") ((You bet, all around....))

Bullpen: Violent Femmes - Blister in the Sun (5 votes); Steppenwolf - Magic Carpet Ride (1 vote); Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit (3 votes); Squeeze - If I Didn't Love You (I'd hate you!) (1 vote). don't have ``Lithium" which is much cooler than ``Smells Like Teen Spirit". OK, modify the above - take a vote away from ``Blister in the Sun" and give it as a write-in for ``Lithium".

Maybe it's not a great party song but it's a great driving song.

Oh, you also don't have anything from Green Day. Hmm...I've got to give you some Green Day to include.

And no They Might Be Giants. OK, let's tank the entire above ballot. ((You're making this VERY difficult....))

Starting again: Violent Femmes - Add it Up (2 votes); I think it was literally impossible to go to a party in the mid-80s and not have this song take over the night. ``Why can't I get - just one kiss.." Every teenage boy wanted to know the answer! Violent Femmes - Blister in the Sun (1 vote) Not as good as ``Add it Up"; ((I'm glad you said that and voted that way. I completely agree on all counts.)) Green Day - Basket Case (2 votes); Nirvana - Lithium (2 votes).

For me, Basket Case and Lithium describe perfectly what the GenX experience means - a panicky confusion against societal structures which does not develop into a full-blown rebellion, because it is rebelling against a generation (the Boomers) who made rebelling so clichéd and merely a path to selfishness. These two songs were central as I ``walked the Earth" in '94. You know, like Cain in ``Kung Fu"? That leaves me three votes.

Right, and I need one for TMBG. They have so many good songs that it's hard to pick. And, unfortunately, many of them are short. ``Shoehorn with Teeth" is great, but a bit short for dancing. ``Ana Ng" makes for great slam dancing, but is not really my fav. I'll give one vote for ``Particle Man", They Might Be Giants. ((Another favorite song of this editor's.))

That leaves two votes. OK, one vote for ``Smells like Teen Spirit" and one for ``If I Didn't Love You." If I go completely off-ballot, I won't pick any winners.

B-52s: well, you don't have ``Deadbeat Club" which is my favorite. Can I write-in? ((Absolutely, ``Deadbeat Club'' it is.)) If not, even though ``Rock Lobster" is fairly close in edit-distance to my name:

Rock Lobster

Rick De_sper

* ** * **

(only three mutations and one indel - sorry, a bit too bioinformatical but the picture makes it clear) um...I was in the middle of a sentence, right? Well, if forced to pick among the listed songs, I would take ``Love Shack". Oh - I do get a write-in! (Just read more closely) Write-in ``Deadbeat Club", please.

Druggie Bullpen: Oh my god! You don't have a single Pink Floyd song listed! That's unglaublich! Um, unbelievable, sorry. (I gotta get to an English-speaking place soon or my mind will turn to cheese). I've got to take ``Casey Jones", based on an experience I had in high school when I went to Harvard Summer School (they are not so discriminating, eh?) and they guy across the hall played ``Casey Jones" about five times per day.

Hmm...``Red Red Wine" or ``Cocaine"? The idea that ``Red Red Wine" would be a drug song never occurred to me. I always viewed it as a dance song. As for ``Cocaine" - Clapton claims this is an anti-drug song. Right? Hmm...I gotta throw them both out. ((Oh, but some people around here ARE anti-drug and that gives them something to vote for. I put Merle Haggard in here myself just for that reason. Vote your conscience.))

I'll take ``Don't Bogart that Joint" just because I thought Easy Rider was such a great movie. (And anybody who thinks it endorses a carefree druggie lifestyle doesn't really get it.)

Finally, I'll write in the entire Animals album by Pink Floyd. It's probably not as associated with drug use as other Floyd Albums, but I had a roommate in college who would put it on repeat and listen to it, stoned, for hours on end. Animals has some great Diplomacy lines. The opening of ``Dogs" is by far the best Diplomacy music I have ever heard. Here, I'll TEX it up for you. ((Thanks for trying, but I do this up in the MOST primitive form of TEX that there is. You gave me code that won't work in the way I do the szine. Still, feel free to try again some time.))

``You've got to be crazy, You gotta have a real need,

Gotta sleep on your toes and when you're on the street,

You got to be able to pick out the easy meat, with your eyes closed.

Then moving in silently, downwind and outta sight

You've got to strike when the moment is right, without thinking.

And after a while, you can work on points for style,

like the club tie, the firm handshake,

a certain look in the eye, an easy smile

You have to be trusted by the people that you lie to,

so when they turn their back on you,

you'll have the chance to put the knife in!''

Rick, rick_desper of

Tony Dickinson (Fri, 26 Feb 1999 01:10:36

Hiya Jim, Cheers fer TAP#214 ... appreciated as ever ... TAZ is due out very soon (promise). Self- stick stamps!!! I know we're pretty antiquated in the UK but what's the crack with these then!? Kinda like self sealing envelopes ... just pull back a backing sheet and away u go? Whatever next. ((That's precisely it!!))

To the music section I think ... Drug songs specifically hehehe, dunno if it's too late fer nominees BUT well I've got loads man! Take a seat this could be a long trip ;-p

Dogs D'Amour ... just about any drinking song of theirs! Fave I suppose `Ballad of Jack'

Hawkwind ... `LSD', `Hassan I Sahba'(Hashish)

Sisters Of Mercy ... `Amphetamine Logic', `Adrenochrome'

The Mission ... `Dancing Barefoot' Cover song

Zion Train ... `Healing of a Nation'

Pink Floyd ... `Obscured by Clouds' track and entire album and loads more!

Stranglers ... `Golden Brown'

Levellers ... `Just the One'

New Model Army ... `Heroin'

Skunk Anansie ... on their name alone!

Magic Mushroom Band ... Ditto Skunk

Thin Lizzy ... `Whisky in the Jar'/`Got to give it Up'

Also gotta be some by Pogues, Ozric Tentacles, The Doors and I guess dozens more!?

Just thought I'd contribute *ahem* ... ummm like when do u want votes in fer the whole shebang? Still mulling a few over ... give me a shout if yer getting close to closing ... Oh sod it here's my entry assuming I've read it all right and u CAN'T add to the Drug songs from yer 10 general votes!?! ((But I'll let you put MOST of the songs above into the list, so you get a bonus!!))

5 - Nirvana `Smells Like Teen Spirit' (I assume that there was a typo with `team' not `teen' last time!?) ((Yeah, I finally fixed that....))

5 - `Paint It Black' Rolling Stones

1 - Love Shack fer B-52 vote (on the premise it's the only one I've actually heard!!!)

3 - `Easy Skanking' Bob Marley (i.e. none of the above I've rambled on about ... though I DO think they WERE all good valid ones! Especially the Stranglers and Thin Lizzy ones :-S) ((I liked some of them too and added them, but because you got the extra votes, you only get one vote for Bob.))

Hmmm I really think that's it ... until the next time all the best and take care, c ya

- Tony L'n'P. tony of

Drew James (Mon, 15 Feb 1999 12:59:06 -0500)

Jim, Here are my party song votes:

2 Votes - ``Dancing With Myself" - Gen X; 3 Votes - ``Whip It" - Devo; 1 Vote - ``Train in Vain" - Clash; 1 Vote - ``I Wanna Be Sedated" - Ramones; 1 Vote - ``Satisfaction" - Rolling Stones; 2 Votes - ``Nowhere Girl" - B Movie.

B52's Vote - ``Give Me Back My Man".

Drug Song Votes - 3 Votes for UB40 ``Red, Red Wine".

drew.james of

Heath Gardner (Sun, 14 Feb 1999 21:15:15 -0500)

Jim, I am gunnin' for the $5! Nice incentive to get votes! ((Hope you win eventually....))

First of all, it is Smells like TEEN spirit, not Smells like Team Spirit, by Nirvana. ((Yeah, yeah, flagellate, flagellate, flagellate....))

My 10 votes: 3 on ``Sweet Jane" by Lou Reed - a personal favorite! 5 on ``Cumberland Blues" by the Grateful Dead - the first song I ever learned to sing along to as a toddler! I will sell my soul to get this song onto the tape. 1 for Rock the Casbah by the clash - it's a good party tune but not something I would just listen to for fun. ((Precisely, precisely correct...)) 1 on George Clinton & Parliament Funkadelic's ``FLASHLIGHT" my favorite funk song EVER!!

My B-52's vote goes to ``Planet Claire" - I love the intro to that one. My drug songs - all 3 go to Casey Jones as I am a true blue deadhead at heart.

Thanks, Heath, bassoon of

John Harrington (Thu, 18 Feb 1999 11:01)

Jim, First off, here's my votes for the Party Tape. 4 points to Mannish Boy; 3 to Twisting the Night Away (Sam Cooke is a god in my book); ((Mine too!!)) 2 to Shake Rattle & Roll (listed twice so can I vote for it twice?); ((You can vote for it twice anyway. I have corrected that.)) 1 to Satisfaction.

For the B52s my vote is for Love Shack, one of the best pick-me-up songs in my collection.

I've never partaken of any illegal substances in my life (apart from sniffing glue at school during the art lessons) so the whole drug culture thing is a bit of mystery to me. Not that I disapprove - I am in favour of marijuana being legalised, taxed and being compulsorily administered to known football hooligans before games (``Oh wow man, like, we're three-nil down"). ((As I've said many times before, essentially I am of the same condition and position....))

None of the songs listed appeal to me much and I recall you saying you can vote for unlisted songs but they'll have zero chance of making the cut, ((I know I said that, but as voting gets started, I am changing that opinion. What you DO need to do is to get those unlisted songs into action quickly, which you have just done. Ian Dury is SO obvious (and VERY well known in the States, at least in my crowd) that I'm giving it listed song status.)) so here's my votes:

The needle and the damage done - Neil Young (totally inappropriate for a party tape but as it is not going to make the cut I can indulge myself; I've not actually heard Young's version but I saw Ian McNabb [ex-Icicle Works] do it live and it is a beautiful song)

Sex and drugs and rock and roll - Ian Dury and the Blockheads (now this would make a good addition to the party tape and is a seminal song in British rock and roll culture but I don't think Dury ever made it in the USA so I doubt many have heard of him.)

More songs about chocolate and girls - The Undertones (what do you mean chocolate is not a drug? It's certainly addictive!)

THE GREATEST SPORTSMAN OF THE CENTURY There was a debate about this on the Usenet football group during the World Cup, and the name Jim Thorpe cropped up, as did Bo Jackson and Deion Sanders. Clearly there are two strains of thought here: some people going for people who were good at more than one sport and others going for people who totally dominated their own sport. Either view is valid but you are going to have a lot more candidates (and therefore a lot more fun) if you concentrate on the second category: sportsmen (or women) who dominated their sport.

Oddly enough, considering the discussion took place on a football forum, the best case was made for a cricketer, Donald Bradman. It was a persuasive argument. I can't remember the actual figures but the argument went something like this.

Top class batsmen generally average about 46 or 47 runs per innings in international matches. During his international career, Don Bradman averaged about 99.9 and if he had not been out for zero in his last innings he would have achieved the magic 100. I don't know what constitutes a good batting average in baseball terms, but let's say for example that a batter who hits 38% of strikes thrown at him is considered great, then Bradman would have achieved the equivalent of about 80%.

And it's not as if there were't some good bowlers around then - if there weren't, everyone on the Australian cricket team would have been racking up high scores.

I don't know how he did it. As you say, he must have been a freak, a combination of unflappable temperament and brilliant technique.

As for Michael Jordan, well, to paraphrase your Don Johnson comment, I would not recognise him if he was sitting sipping tea in my front room. Basketball is certainly gaining in popularity over here, particularly among the young black community, but it is still very much a minority sport, ranking somewhere behind darts and snooker.

Whilst we are on my favourite subject of differences between Americans and Britons, perhaps you can explain to me the American convention for including a middle initial in names on formal documentation (James T. Kirk etc.)

I presume it came about because the USA is a big place and chances are that there are hundreds of James Burgesses in the country, so you need to differentiate. I recall reading a story, probably apocryphal, about an American who was given no middle name when he was born. This caused him a problem when he was conscripted because the military insisted he had to have a middle initial for identification purposes, so he was recorded as Fred NMI Bloggs, with ``NMI" standing for No Middle Initial.

Apparently he got fed up with being known as Fred NMI Bloggs, so he changed his name to Fred C Bloggs, with the ``C" (like the S in Harry S Truman) not standing for anything.

Things went OK until he left the military and applied for a job (probably working for the government) where they insisted he had to put his full name down. He kept getting letters asking him to state what the C in his name stood for - apparently the system refused to accept that the middle initial did not stand for anything.

Another naming thing we don't tend to do over here in Britain is the appending of "junior" or II (George Hamilton the sixth - makes him sound like a member of the Tudor royal line). Had I been named Alfred, after my father, then chances are he'd have been Alf or Alfred and I'd have been Alfie, until such time as Alfie was no longer appropriate. I would certainly not have been Alfred Junior (AJ) or Alfred Harrington II. I might have been young Alfred, or Alf's son Alfie. Most likely, given the fact I stand only 5'4" I'd have been Little Alfie for the rest of my days.

Had I gone to the same public school (private schools are called public schools in Britain to confuse foreigners) as my father then I might have become Harrington minor or Harrington the younger.

Interestingly, or not, my dad's brothers and sisters call him "Boy", even though he is older than all but one of them and he is 72 years old. This is because when he was young, back in the days of extended families, there were two other Alfreds living in the same house and so he was referred to as "Boy".

The American system certainly clarifies things but to British eyes receiving a letter from James F. Burgess III (or is it the second? I've chucked the envelope now) is like getting a letter from the aristocracy. Perhaps Americans are big on dynasties?

At what point can a Junior stop calling himself Junior? Did Sammy Davis Junior stop call himself Junior when Sammy Davis Senior died? Was there ever any chance of someone saying, "Now wait a minute, do you mean Sammy Davis junior, or his dad, Sammy Davis senior?" (OK, I'll give you Douglas Fairbanks, but who was Efrem Zimbalist senior? Just looked him up on the web - he was a world famous concert violinist, which totally undermines my argument! And, of course, there is an Efrem Zimbalist III, who works in publishing)

There was a bloody awful British situation comedy (the usual British concoction of smut and ribaldry) called Are You Being Served? which was set in a family owned department store. One of the characters was called Young Mr. Grace, and the joke was that he looked (and probably was) about 82.

I'm relieved that I share only the same middle names as my father (as does my eldest son, Jack, making him the fourth William John of the family line) cos I'm getting too old to be referred to as Young Alfie.

Regards, T.W. John Harrington (don't ask), JHarrington of

Mike Barno (Thu, 18 Feb 1999 21:58:37 -0500)

Late Drug Song nomination: ``The Old Dope Peddler", by Tom Lehrer. Not sure which album it came from. Some of the songs on my Lehrer comp tape were from An Evening Wasted with Tom Lehrer but I don't think this one was. (Jim, do I get an extra point for putting Lehrer on your board?)

Mike, mpbarno of

((Hey, I gave you LOTS of breaks and you even won the first prize! What more do you want??))

Kurt Ozog (Thu, 25 Feb 1999 08:28:11 -0600)

Oh yeah, if I'm not too late, I have a few favorites from 1998: ((Never too late, my list is almost done, perhaps next issue.... this may be one of those years that I wait until after I get my taxes done before doing it, though.))

The Church - Hologram of Baal (Favorite band, awesome comeback album, mesmerizing live.).

The Tragically Hip - Phantom Power (the Canadian R.E.M., only better. Kick-ass live.).

The Mekons - Me (You knew this was coming. O.k. album, but great concert. They're legends.). ((You ALWAYS win points when you choose the editor's favorite band, always awesome in concert! You may have seen them in a bigger place and I last described it in some long ago issue that you've never seen, but when they've played Providence the last couple of times, they've brought some of the fans up on stage to dance with them. After shouting back words to most of the songs at Jon Langford all night, I've been called up - just cementing their already stellar status in my mind.))

Grant Lee Buffalo - Jubilee (Very strong album. Missed seeing them in concert. Next time I won't.).

That's about it. I didn't care for too much of the other stuff out there from '98. Although I feel Sheryl Crow and Alanis Morisette at least deserve an honorable mention. R.E.M.'s album Up should have been called Down. There was 2 or 3 stand-out songs, the rest of it was not too memorable.

Kurt, kozog of

Richard Weiss (Thu, 18 Feb 1999 00:02:51 -0800)

J: Just got back from the Fillmore and Susan Tedeschi. Amazingly wonderful voice, range, timber, all the things I can't really hear, only appreciate. Tremendous show. Tremendous. And me never in the Fillmore. She even made eye contact with me for two words (I'm a groupie now).

Shawn Pittman opened up. She sat there and watched, smiling and gently rocking. They were from Dallas, supposedly (ever hear of them Jennifer), a 3-piece rock/rockabilly band with some mean blues guitar licks. I kept waiting for a Double Trouble cover.

Jim: already some positive responses to gaming on 4/23 weekend. Ah, you finally reveal the date you will be in the Bay Area. Notice of a gaming weekend, with you in attendance at least Saturday night and Sunday has hit the street. Likely I will host - and I again am living in the same apartment complex on the edge of SF, where you and Pete visited me many years ago. Are there any games that we should start learning that you have a recent appreciation of? ((This will be an event you West Coasters who want to meet me for the first time or again will want to mark on your calendars.))

Settlers of Catan with various expansion sets has been a particular focus out here. Some of us just played ``Age of Renaissance" once and want to keep playing/learning. It is sort of a Civilization/History of the World/Dip game by AH.

More later, Richard, rcw of

((I've been hearing all sorts of great things about Settlers of Catan. Can you play it by mail, do you think?? Would it be fun to play by mail??))

Keith Sherwood (Tue, 16 Feb 1999 07:33:35 -0800)

Some notes from the forefront of tomorrow's musical tastes: Got Bradley (7) a CD boombox for Christmas, plus a couple of CDs. Catchy things that he hears on the radio that isn't too offensive, like Brian Setzer and Spin Doctors and Matchbox 20. His favorite CD is Chumbawumba, because of the killer hook in ``Tubthumping." So noting the 7 year old's predilection for hooks, I purchased a Greatest Hits package from Sweet, they of the mid 70s Glam rock era. He loves it. ``Little Willie," ``Ballroom Blitz," and ``Fox on the Run" get programmed into repeat mode and he's good for hours. He doesn't care too much for ``Love is like Oxygen." Which is okay, since that begins to border on pretentious 70's art rock. I wonder what I should have him listen to next. Older CDs are so much safer than today's product: his mother and I feel compelled to listen to the CD and read the lyric sheet before we turn a modern CD over to him.

When I was his age, I was listening to Kingston Trio's ``MTA" over and over again so much, I wore out my dad's record.

Keith, Keith_Sherwood of

((Well, as you all know, I'm not much interested in this problem, but lots of the rest of you are. Please feel free to share your ``get your kids hooked on music'' ideas and suggestions.))

Rick Desper (Sun, 28 Feb 1999 09:35:42 -0800 (PST))

I seem to have the desire to babble all day today. That's what happens when I have no net access for 48 hours.

I looked at your postal Red Sox team.

How did you get Jim Thome, Ken Griffey, Jr., and Tim Salmon? ((I stole Thome from Gary Behnen's team and Ken Griffey, Jr. from someone else's team in free agency. David Wang foolishly (grin) traded me Tim Salmon.)) That makes three bona fide sluggers. I mean, to get both Thome and Griffey alone is ridiculous. ((Well, actually, the way this league works, that is very good, but it isn't QUITE as good as you make out. In the league, actually Salmon is the best player of the three, though Salmon is injury prone. I have a good team with good long term stability, since I have a lot of young current stars.))

And I see that you have Pedro Martinez and Mike Mussina on your pitching staff? ((Yup, AND Ramon Martinez who the real Red Sox also recently signed.... Pedro and Mike are my two ace pitchers, but the Red Sox ballpark is very tough on pitchers, just like the real one - actually perhaps even a bit worse than the real one.))

Any chance of getting the rest of these guys to join Pedro on the real Red Sox? ((Boy, would I love it! Griffey will be a free agent soon, they say....))

NBA chat: Celtics look to be on the up-and-coming, what with Paul Pierce an early favorite for Rookie-of-the-Year. Yes, they still need a real center, but only to win it all. They can get to the playoffs without one. ((They're doing worse lately, they need the center now so that they can slide their players DOWN the rotation (Walker to 3, Pierce to 2) and get more minutes for Popeye Jones and Tony Battie at power forward as other players rest.))

The Atlantic Division looks to be stronger this year, with the Magic coming on strong, as well as the Celtics and the Sixers. The Heat should be roughly as good as they were last year (not good enough to threaten to reach the finals) and for some reason, though I keep thinking the Knicks are going to dissolve into dust from age, they seem to still be able to win a good proportion of their games. Thus far, the Nets are the odd team out. I expect the Magic to win the division, since they match up well with Miami and NY.

The Central division is the Pacers' to lose. With Bird coaching, I don't expect them to do worse than expected. Everybody looks to see them in the Finals this year. Bird wants a couple more rings to catch up to Magic, and then he can aim for Michael.

Midwest: with the retirement of MJ, the Jazz, simply put, are the best team in the NBA. Their ability to manhandle the Lakers at will should suffice as proof. The Rockets might be interesting, but having watched Malone school Barkley last year, I don't think they have enough. The upstart teams like the T-Wolves and Spurs are requested to prove their mettle in the playoffs before they are taken seriously.

Speaking of unproven teams, the Lakers are the kings of high expectations in spite of failure to prove anything thus far. Shaq would be head-and-shoulders above the rest of the NBA, if he had Michael Jordan's dedication to winning and self-improvement. Lacking that, I don't see any Shaq team as an NBA champion. And Kobe Bryant is so overrated as to be sickening. From what I saw of the Lakers last year, Kobe isn't even the best guard on his own team. I hear he's a good kid and works hard, but the fact that he joined the NBA early and makes reasonably interesting dunks does not make him a top NBA guard.

As for the rest of the Pacific, who knows. The Sonics sometimes look like they can beat anybody, but I don't see them beating the Jazz in a seven-game series. Portland, GS, and Sacramento are supposedly improved. But none of the started with much. Phoenix seemingly lost their title hopes in the offseason, when they didn't land Pippen like everybody thought they would. And then there are the Clippers.

The Clippers' continued failures in the NBA defy all statistical models. How can any team be bad twenty years in a row? Oh sure, I know, they made the playoffs a couple times, but only as really low seeds, and only in those years when the Western Conference was weak. (I think they made the playoffs once with a sub-.500 record.) When a team has such consistent failure, there really is only one thing to do. The problem is bigger than trading a few players, or firing a coach, or even a GM. The owners should fire themselves. ((Is 0-50 possible???))

It's a bit sad watching Boston sports these days, as Bob Kraft and Dan Duquette are in a desperate race to see who can destroy a franchise more quickly. Since I don't care about hockey, all that leaves me is Pitinoball. I have some confidence in Ricky P., and I get excited thinking about just how much talent the Celtics have, and just how young it is. Walker, Pierce, and Mercer are all the age of freshly graduated players. Kenny Anderson is (theoretically) in his prime, and Dana Barros is a hell of a weapon to bring in off the bench.

Well, if the C's don't pan out I'll have to start rooting hard for Bayern Munich. It is somewhat amusing how depressed Germans got after our soccer team beat theirs 3-0 in a ``friendly" in Florida. It is about as outrageous as having an American basketball team lose to Germany. What is most amusing, to me, is the certainty that well over 90% of Americans didn't know about the game at all. Here, it was a national tragedy. On the heels of a loss to Turkey, and other unimpressive results by the German team, there is a feeling of a real crisis. ((Yup, I heard nothing about it.))

I can never remember if ``panning out" is good or bad. It's like the phrase ``untracked". Like - ``he only scored 3 points last night, he couldn't seem to get untracked." But don't you want to stay ``on track"? A train which gets untracked goes nowhere, right?

Rick, rick_desper of

((I suppose, but if anyone is going to get untracked in all senses of the word, it's Dan Quayle, who really is running for President.... I had an exchange with Paul Rauterberg that all of you might find amusing.... Dan Quayle is a walking joke, but YOU are in the Midwest, it is the willingness of Midwestern Republicans to view his ideosyncracies as cute and vote for him anyway that gives him a REAL chance to win the nomination. They've done the polling, as I understand, that shows this, and I believe it.))

Paul Rauterberg (Sun, 21 Feb 1999 17:26:34 -0600)

Jim: With all my heart and soul, I hope (as a Progressive) that Quayle DOES get the nomination. That makes the election a cakewalk for his opponent. Not that I'm at all fond of Al Gore, nor his pro-censorship wife Tipper. I was very sorry to see Dick Gephardt bow out so soon, believe me. This coming election will be ANOTHER case of my voting AGAINST someone, rather than voting for....

I voted FOR George McGovern in the first election in which I was eligible to vote, but I voted just as much against Dirty Dick and the warmongers prolonging the war in 'Nam. I voted for Carter in '76 just as much to punish Ford for pardoning Nixon as for any other reason. I have only grown to ADMIRE Carter in the '90's! Voting against Reagan was very easy; finding an opponent that I could stomach was another matter. I voted for Independent Party Candid- ate John Anderson with a straight face in '84.

It would be cheering to hear all these Republican anti-war senti- ments now being expressed, if I didn't believe that it they were all just expressions of ``anti-Clintonism"/``fight him on every front". No such noble sentiments were part of the right-wing agenda during Republican Administrations, nor do I believe they will be heard again after their (ever) regaining the White House. I don't hear Dick Armey earnestly quoting Gandhi (or even John Lennon!).... I haven't heard sincere recriminations from Tom DeLay about Vietnam, Bosnia, Granada or the Gulf War. Talk about CLINTON'S lack of credibility...!

((I follow you, I too voted for John Anderson with a straight face. Can I print that political commentary? Wanna choose a couple of those Quayle quotes to lead it (I don't want to print all of them) that you particularly like???))

Yeah, it's about time I weighed in on the political commentary again-print it! Selected quotes? The ones about speaking Latin in Latin America and the probability of canals on Mars come screaming to mind. And the short one about verbosity leading to unclear, inarticulate things (was he speaking about Sean O'Donnell?).

Paul, prosit of


``I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret that I have was that I didn't study latin harder in school, so I could talk to those people."

``What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."

``Mars is essentially in the same orbit...Mars is somewhat the same distance from the sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."

``Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."

``I have made good judgments in the Past. I have made good judgments in the Future."

To Sam Donaldson: ``I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."

``I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican."

``It isn't pollution that is harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

``It's time for the human race to enter the solar system."

((TAP is appearing in detail on many of the major search engines now, so that people can search their way into old issues. It was only a matter of time before some musician that I wrote about weighed in.... well, here is Chris Cugini, guitarist for Delta Clutch:))

Chris Cugini (Wed, 24 Feb 1999 21:14:28 -0500 (EST))

Hey Jim, I found your subzine listred on Yahoo while searching for refs to my band Delta Clutch. I'd like to say thanks for the decent words. Yes, Hardluck Machine is flawed but then we record DIY in our basement. Our next batch is stronger. Anyway, can you tell me what your ``Hobbie" is about? I'm quite curious.

C. Cugini, Delta Clutch. appleman of

PS Whatever you do, don't click on this link.

((Wow, that's the first time a band has found one of my reviews and commented on it. I love your guitar work and look forward to the new record. I hope you'll emphasize more of the atonal dreamy stuff that I really like, but realize that other tastes will probably win out. Your lead singer (whose name slips my mind right this instant... hey that's an old review!) is very distinctive and the slower songs play that out better. Feel free to let me know when the new record is out, I'll probably review that too.

This hobby that my szine is part of is based around the game of Diplomacy. You can visit the Internet link at:

which is the overall head of the site where my szine is. Basically, it is a seven player game of high level negotiation and strategy. It uses no dice and plays off of skill in negotiating with others and convincing them to do things in your interest while they are trying to do things in their own interest. You also can lie or use other deceptions.

Good luck with your band, next time you play at Lupo's or elsewhere in Providence, I'll have to be there. I've never seen your band live yet.))


Well, it was not a trivial issue that I decided to delay finishing the szine until today so that I could do a REALLY QUICK set of predictions for the NCAA Tournament. This will allow me to surely miss a few teams that will seem obvious upset specials later in the week, so all of you can laugh at me. Also, predicting this tournament at all is sheer idiocy. Sometimes I do it really well, but mostly I don't. To save myself some of the worst of the agonizing, all I'm going to predict is a Sweet Sixteen, a Final Four, and a National Champ. By doing this right after the teams are announced, these are completely my predictions and are not influenced by all the talking heads and tournament breakdowns that will come out later. I did do some quick looks at background on some teams on ESPN's web site and was pleasantly surprised at how fast it was on an evening where I would have expected it to lock into a crawl. I'll hedge some bets, but hey, it's still silly. Nevertheless, for my edification if nothing else, here they go:

EAST REGIONAL: Yuck, oh hell, Duke will probably make it to the Final Four out of here and picking the rest of this regional will be an exercise in futility. This regional is a real mess. I'll say this. IF someone beats Duke, I say that it is EITHER Rick Barnes' Texas team (Rick ran from Clemson to Texas to ESCAPE Duke....) or Leonard Hamilton's Miami team. I just can't pick that game. Each team has three players playing together REALLY well, it will be a war. What to do? I'm going to divert blame by choosing Miami to go to the Final Four from here and blame it all on Don Imus, who has been picking James and Hemsley to go to the Final Four for the last couple of weeks. Who are the other Sweet Sixteen teams out of here?? Think Missouri Valley Conference. Since I pick Creighton to take out Maryland, I'll pick Duke to take out SW Missouri State. As for that last team, I can't decide between Temple and Kent in the first game and I'm going to choose the winner of that game to go to the Sweet Sixteen. Hmmm, let's choose Temple.

SOUTH REGIONAL: St. John's is the only main seed I see with a clear Sweet Sixteen path, the rest will be upsets to one degree or another. I'd like to think the Scoonie Penn led Buckeyes would get there too, but I'd like to choose the athletic, pressing Murray State guys to be one of those 13 seeds in the Sweet Sixteen that we tend to get every year (helped by the injuries to UCLA too). Then, I don't see how Creighton fails to get to the Sweet Sixteen. The Missouri Valley is a good conference and they got as many teams in the Tournament as the ACC and they could do as well in getting to the Sweet Sixteen. I actually have them doing BETTER, but that probably depends on my expected matchup of Maryland and Creighton in Round 2. Oklahoma State is the other surprise team in the Sweet Sixteen. I wasn't following them all year, but I simply don't understand how they were a bubble team, supposedly having to beat Texas at the end to get in. The Committee seeded them ninth. Take that as an indicator and someone has to beat Auburn, the weakest one seed. Arrrgh, then what? St. John's would be the safe pick, but this will likely be the regional that puts a real Cinderella in St. Petersburg, so I'll go with Oklahoma State.

MIDWEST REGIONAL: This is by far the easiest one for me to pick, so I'm probably TOTALLY wrong. Michigan State and Kentucky easily make it to the Sweet Sixteen and are joined by upset specials URI (how can I go against the home staters that CAN do it, and are now showing it) and Miami of Ohio (a great unknown player in that guy with the Polish name who I can't remember now, but will be able to remember next week after he beats up Washington and Utah). This is one of two regionals where I see favorites playing it out for the Final Four spot. I like Kentucky, so I'll choose them, with Kentucky's inside play getting by Michigan State's great guard.

WEST REGIONAL: UConn and Stanford have pretty easy paths to the Sweet Sixteen and if ANY Regional is to see all four top seeds make it here, this one is it. UConn and Stanford also are likely to play for the Final Four spot. I'll take UConn here. North Carolina is the one I see as most likely to lose but can't decide if the Penn Ivy League team or a fascinating Florida team will be the one to do it. My choice is Florida. I like to choose at least one upset special in each regional, so we'll go with Siena (see comments elsewhere in the szine on that), though I like Arkansas a lot too.

NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP: We have UConn, Kentucky, Oklahoma State, and Miami. Kentucky won it last year. UConn is a perennial disappointment. Two teams who have NEVER been here before round out my picks (actually Oklahoma State has had some success before....). I think I'm going to go with UConn in BOTH the Men's and Women's tournaments.... go Shea Ralph.... I hope I've hedged enough bets above not to look totally bonkers. Next issue I'll give you a report on how I did.

NATIONAL INVITATIONAL TOURNAMENT: At the very last minute, let's slip in some picks on this too, since local faves Providence are in this. Note that I was right about Providence, but wrong about URI... but not very FAR wrong. Providence is potentially headed for another war with Georgetown and I think they will decisively win that this time, after beating NC State again. Then they'll probably have to beat another ACC team like Wake Forest, or Xavier to get to NYC for the final four. Quick picks (after VERY quickly scanning the other pairings) for the other three teams in NYC are: California, Wyoming, and Seton Hall. No one else picks the NIT and nothing is harder than picking the NIT, since you can never tell who really WANTS to win.


``So I called up George and he called up Jim, I said let's make a deal.

He said he'd talk to him. Gonna start a church where you can save yourself,

You can make some noise, When you've got no choice...

You told me useful things, what people think of me, I guess I should thank you.

It's true, then I agree... I'm all alone, I've got no choice,

I'm all alone, I've got no choice."

From ``Got No Choice" by the incomparable Mark Cutler, on his record entitled Mark Cutler and Useful Things.

If you want to submit orders, press, or letters by E-Mail, you can find me through the Internet system at ``burgess of''. If anyone has an interest in having an E-Mail address listed so people can negotiate with you by computer, just let me know. FAX orders to (401) 277-9904.

Standby lists:

Mike Barno, John Breakwell, Dick Martin, Brad Wilson, Jack McHugh, Glenn Petroski, Steve Emmert, Mark Kinney, Vince Lutterbie, Eric Brosius, Doug Kent, Paul Rauterberg, Stan Johnson, Harry Andruschak, Heath Gardner, Phil Reynolds, Dave Partridge, Andy York, Michael Pustilnik, Dan Gorham, and John Schultz stand by for regular Diplomacy.

Kurt Ozog, Mike Barno, Phil Reynolds, Jim Sayers, Troy Mooney, and Harry Andruschak stand by for the Colonial Diplomacy game.

Brad Wilson, Jack McHugh, Phil Reynolds, Jim Sayers, Kurt Ozog, and Paul Kenny stand by for the Modern Diplomacy game.

Let me know if you want on or off these lists. Standbies get the szine for free and receive my personal thanks. I'd really appreciate it if anyone wanted to be added to the lists.


This last regular game for awhile is now full. Players who haven't sent their $15 for your life of the game sub and game fee with NMR insurance should do so immediately or risk being replaced. Scott Munson ($15), Richard Pinelli ($15), Jim Sayers ($20), Roland Sasseville, Harold Zarr, Luke Dwyer,and Dan Gorham are the seven players. I only have preference lists from two of you, so it will be a random draw unless I get deluged with preference lists. I'm going to wait to start this until next time for both those reasons (to give more time for preference lists and getting money in).

We need one last player for Colonia VIIb (we need nine in total - Austria, China, England, France, Netherlands, Ottomans, Portugal, Russia, and Spain). I have direct interest expressed from Scott Morris, David Partridge, Robert Stimmel ($15), Heath Gardner ($15), John Power ($15), Paul Rauterberg, Gene Prosnitz ($15), and Stan Johnson. I need just ONE more player to begin. It's definitely time to send money and preference lists if you haven't already. Do I have the right listings up there from people who have paid already?? Remember that if I don't have preference lists from everyone it will be a random draw. I think I only have two preference lists so far in this one too, no, three. HOLD ON: Last second update, Bob Acheson will be the last player. Get your money and preference lists in NOW. This game also will start next issue.

In the interest of scaring up interest, I have printed the small, barely readable version of the map in this issue. Everyone above now should have a copy of the 22 inch by 42 inch version of the map (I sent it to each of you who didn't have one to my knowledge). Now, before we begin, I needed to get some issues clarified as I received different things from different people. The starting positions end up being chosen for balance and not for historical accuracy. I'm going to begin this in 1901, just like regular Diplomacy; however, I have two sets of starting positions. Remember, everyone, we're trying to play Colonia VIIb here (as the best, current version of the rules).

1) Starting Positions (from Gene Prosnitz - discrepancies are against the map):





(or a BORDEAUX?).


(or a GOA*?).







*'ed home colonies are building centers for any power which captures them.

Special supply centers are Nanking (China), Naples (Austria, Spain), and Crimea (Ottoman, Russia) and can be building centers only for the specified powers.

Obviously, the question marks need to be resolved and each one is a choice between two possibilities as noted.

2) Map Questions: Now, some map questions (focused on what I can't read from the big map and am trying to clarify from the smaller map).

- Suez has two coasts and the Suez Canal does not exist for fleet passage, right?

- I can't quite read the name of the province between Ghana and Togo on EITHER map. It looks like Ara... something.

- I think I understand all of the other map issues, but please feel free to ask for clarification now.

Breaking Away is almost full for the next opening, see the sign-up list discussion under the game below.

I have an opening for a game of Star Trek Diplomacy! This will be the last Diplomacy game opening until a game or two ends. Even though there has been no interest yet, perhaps some will develop if it is my only opening, as it will be shortly. See Stephen Agar's rules on his web page at:

There are two changes I am looking at when I start the game. First, I really want to name all the star systems after Star Trek locations. I have begun to do this already, but if someone wants to contribute significantly, or even volunteer to do it all, I will offer a free game start in the game. Second, after naming all of the systems, I think I want to nix the ``revolving rings'' rule. I'll take input on this idea. The game start is open now, and since I want to STRONGLY encourage press, you can sign up and ``claim'' a race. Species 8472 has been in two segments of Voyager and is a very intriguing diplomatic race (their episodes are the only Voyager episodes I've liked in the last year) and the rest of the races should be well known to all. No interest in this game? I really want to run this. I guess I gotta work on my map and publish it.

I suppose I have to admit that no one is requesting Pontevedria, the North American game opening flyer, from Conrad von Metzke any more. You can contact Conrad by E-Mail at metzke of if you want to ask him about it. I'd be pleased to help anyone find other game openings on a personal basis too. The longer run solution might come out of the efforts of the Brits, on which we might be able to piggyback. If you are interested, contact Stephen Agar at stephen of or join the Brit hobby mailing list at:

SADDAM HUSSEIN: 1999 ???, Nuclear Yuppie Evil Empire Diplomacy - Black Hole Variant



Spring 1901

AUSTRIA (S. Kenny): f tri-ALB, a vie-GAL, a bud-SER; and nukes POR, SPA, TYO, SWE, NWY.

ENGLAND (McCullough): f LON h, f edi-nth (ann), a lvp-EDI; and nukes ENG(2), NWG(2),


FRANCE (Weiss): f bre-eng (ann), a MAR-pie, a par-GAS; and nukes NTH(3),


GERMANY (Reichert): f kie-HEL, a ber-PRU, a mun-tyo (ann); and

nukes ANK, SMY, CON, BUL, SEV.

ITALY (Schultz): f nap-APU, a rom-TUS, a ven-pie (ann); and

nukes MID(2), WES(2), TYH(2), ION(2), AEG(2).

RUSSIA (Gardner): f stp(sc)-GOB, f sev-BLA, a war-SIL, a mos-LVN; and

nukes BAL, HOL, NTH(3), BEL.

TURKEY (Barno): f ank h (ann), a smy-con (ann), a con-bul (ann); and

nukes AEG(2), ION(2), TYH(2), WES(2), MID(2).

Addresses of the Participants

Sandy Kenny, 23 East Coulter Avenue, Collingswood, NJ 08108-1208

Jody McCullough, 1071 Brown Avenue, Lafayette, CA 94549-3153

jodym of

Richard Weiss, Richard Weiss, 500 Beale St. # 104, San Francisco, CA 94105, (415) 512-7221

rcw of

Sara Reichert, 20805 Margaret, Carson, CA 90745-1224

John Schultz, #19390, W-M11L, Indiana Department of Correction,

Plainfield Correctional Facility, 727 Moon Road, Plainfield, IN 46168-9400

Heath Gardner, 3017 Mayview Road, Raleigh, NC 27607

bassoon of

Mike Barno, 634 Dawson Hill Road, Spencer, NY 14883

mpbarno of

Game Notes (special rules of the game notes, by request of the MNC):

1) Unless superceded below, all rules are as in regular Diplomacy.

2) The game lasts seven game years (measured Winter to Winter, 1901 to 1907), with each player rotating through the powers in alphabetical order (AEFGIRT), playing each power for one game year. At the end of each game year, the game board and positions are fully reset to the initial positions.

3) Initial Positions: All units and supply center ownership are as in regular Diplomacy, except that each player has five nuclear weapons (except for Russia which has only four nuclear weapons).

4) Firing Nuclear Weapons: Each nuclear weapon (nuke) is fired at a specific province (land or sea) according to orders submitted by their owners immediately FOLLOWING the Spring moves (nuke orders are submitted with those moves and cannot be made conditional on any outcomes or moves in the Spring turn). Nuclear weapon strikes destroy the supply center in the targeted province, if any, as well as any units in that province following the Spring turn.

5) Effects of Nuclear Weapons (Black Hole Variant): The effects of the nuclear weapon strike are equivalent to those in the Black Hole variant designed by Conrad von Metzke (Conrad is the unofficial ombudsman for adjudication of paradoxes caused by this rule). Any provinces adjacent to a nuke strike province are now themselves adjacent. The effect of nuke strikes on adjacent provinces creates a cumulative effect such that all provinces adjacent to an a contiguous string of nuke strike provinces are all simultaneously adjacent. This effect applies to moves, supports, retreats, and convoys. Coastal provinces that are nuked transmit their coastal status to all adjacent provinces, which also is cumulative in effect. These coastal status changes do not interfere with any army supports, retreats, or moves between two land provinces separated by a contiguous string of nuke strike provinces.

6) Victory Conditions: The game ends at the end of the seventh winter adjustment season. Victory points are garnered by cumulatively adding supply centers owned at the end of each of the seven game years. The player with the most victory points at the end of the game wins. Ties are broken by sequentially comparing victory points owned in 1907 followed by each preceding year. Players earning precisely the same number of victory points in each of the seven game years remain tied.


(springup of to bassoon of Sheer madness, sir, make no mistake. This whole affair. Nothing for it now but to bluff it out and hope for the best.

(HEATH - ALL): Bombs away!

(HEATH - BOOB): Just how are we supposed to determine a strategy for THIS variant? Where did you find this monstrosity, anyway?

(AUSTRIA to TURKEY): I'll stay out of your way if you stay out of my way, ok?

(FRENCH IMPERIALISTS-ITALIAN ICES): John Old Boy, it's been many a year since we've played together in anything. So long, in fact, that you, the person with the least likelihood of moving, has a new address! Well, your Italian addresses are gone in mushroom puffs now - and not the kind we used to know on bike runs. Welcome! A macho sort of welcome, but welcome none the less. I expect the same from you.

(HEATH - SARA): Nothing personal. I figure that to end up with ANY centers at the end of 1901 I've got to try and move against somebody. I'm sure you'll do a fine job repelling me.

(GERMANY to TURKEY): Nobody bothered to write to me, so I just rolled a six-sided die and your number came up.

(FRENCH IMPERIALISTS to JIMBOOBY): If my memory is as bad as ever, the first NYEED game Schultzie was ever in, his first country was Russia and he used his nukes to bomb each of his SC's. Are you still as bad at explaining the rules? And is he still as confused as to how the rest of us determine ``victory!?!" Has anyone ever taken pity on either of you?

(JIMBOOBY to FRENCH IMPERIALISTS): Hey, I resemble those remarks! Semi-seriously, the Miller Number Custodian has properly asked that I give you are ``real'' rules to this thingie. So here they are!!

(FRENCH IMPERIALISTS - BOARD): Beware any I've ever been kind to. John was my first ``true ally" in a Dip game, and my actions today are a reflection as to how I think later relations should develop between ``true allies."

(BOOBY to FRENCH IMPERIALISTS): I hope you guys will teach poor Jody some lessons too.... on he has such an antipathy to ``true allies'' and games where players already ``know'' each other. I guess you'll show him!

(FRENCH IMPERIALISTS to ENGLISH LETTERS): I figure you will have already bombed the North Sea, so this will just bring the oil up faster, but if you didn't, this gives you a chance to get to every SC on the map board, or nearly so. Hey, Booby, can one go around the world in this design, can I go EDI-skip black hole Norwegian and go to Tunis? ((Hey, the combinations are crazy enough as it is!! Jody's army in Edinburgh ***COULD*** have gone to Tunis anyway, but someone nuked it.... now who would that have been???))

(FRENCH IMPERIALISTS to ENGLISH): I see the Royalty (don't know whether to say ``Earl" or ``Duchess," but gender don't matter to me when it comes to dropping bombs) lives in the Bay Area, so I invited you to a game at the old Chuffsters. You say you can't cause your painting job. Then I invite you and you can't cause you are volunteering on VISA night. When I point out that the invite was for Noon, you say that "Night" starts at 1 PM, since it's a Holiday. I hope some others have lots of nukes to put a couple more holes in that noggin under the crown. If I didn't have to use all mine on Italy, I'd a use em all on you.

(JOHN BOY - > GM): Don't ask why! I have no idea. Strategy befuddles me lately. Thought perhaps this would befuddle strategies. ((Well, it didn't stop you from getting all your centers nuked by the ``Imperialists'', but it did save some units to fight again another day, and if it weren't for Weiss...))

(FRENCH IMPERIALISTS-ARCHDUKE SANDINAND): May the War start with you and end with you. SKenney, I got the skenney on your moves from your War Counsel. Not to worry, I only emailed them to 4 other countries.

(BOOBY WISHING THAT MORE PEOPLE WOULD WRITE GREAT PRESS... WE GOTTA TEACH JODY THE FUN OF ``BROADCAST'' PRESS): Spelling Sandy's last name wrong (even a ``borrowed'' one, originally she was a ``Styles'', hmmm....) in order to make your lamé pun when you didn't need to... was... STUPENDOUS! Never enough press, never enough bad puns, especially the dreaded triple entendres.

(FRENCH IMPERIALISTS-SARA REICHERT): I should look up Carson on the map, and see if I could invite you to play games and have you reject me also. But, I don't have enough bombs for all you opponents and enemies of the State, so ``Off with your head" will have to wait. But, maybe if I say something really nasty in the press, I can get you to start upchucking some of your irradiated meat over my way. Maybe BobJimmy can use some of his italics in parentheses here to help me out, but he's too lame, ((Wrong, I am lamé, as in ``in lamé''... how's about them italics!)) he probably thinks irradiated has to do with breast cancer and milk. ((Which Boob are you talking about??? You need to be careful as we have REAL moms around here!!)) I don't think he's a real meat man. How about you? ((Huh?? Now even I am confused... help!!!))

(USELESS MALE to THE WORLD): OK, all women stand up and be counted. How many of you are there, anyway?? Wesson Oil anyone?? Mud wrasslin' behind the shed??

(FRENCH IMPERIALIST to UNCLE CONNIE AND THE MULTITUDE OF OTHER DIPSTERS WHO WORK FOR THE USPS): Is there a conspiracy here? Sara lives on Margaret. John lives on ``White-Mail 11L", Heath lives in Mayview or maynot, Richard lives on Beale and Mike lives on ``Dawson Hill Road?" What gives with the USPS and linkage of addresses to personages in this game?

(FRENCH'S MUSTARD-SLAB OF TURKEY WAITING FOR THE DRESSING TO MAKE A GOOD SANDWICH): Too bad I only get 5 nukes. You get thrown out of yellowstone, now you're yellow in this game, hiding in the corner, and I'm too yellow to nuke you. Well, Yello to you, after what, a week without correspondence. To those of you in this here NYEED game, this Barn-O dude's been the principal press writer in Columbus Chill, despite never being a participant in the game. Well here's a challenge, Mike-O: put your pencil where your pants, oops, where the press section is and let's read some of the good stuff. The Cheech Marin kind of ``good stuff." Ya know mahn, the goooooood stuff. But, in the meantime, y'all can go read Columbus Chill. And heat out. ((If this turns into a drug war, I'm tuning out! If we're talking about wayward Imperialism, it all starts with drug wars!))

(SANDY to JOHN): Thanks for the compliment on my writing in Absolute! But, Lord knows that I haven't done any writing in such a long time...I need incentive. Or maybe just a kick in the ass. Just don't nuke me, please?

(JOHN-BOOB): I'm a little loggy right now. I hope I have the right idea working in my befuddled head. ((Well, your nukes were pretty useless, precisely matching Mykey, but those move changes turned you from losing ALL your units to having ALL units in play!))

(HEATH WONDERS ALOUD): A hypothetical question... say France ordered A Par - Bur, but Bur was ordered to be nuked? Would it swallow up France's unit or would it just bounce. I'm still a little foggy on the rules.

(BOOB to ALLOWED OUT TO PLAY): See the detailed rules above, but as you can see from the adjudications, yes, you can walk right into a nuke!

(TURKEY-CHARLES JONES): Captain StrangeLove to you buddy, here's a few cross gaming nukes for you. Just to let you feel the real thrill of something.

(JODY - > ALL): Greetings all. Our mission is peaceful; our weapons defensive. Tit for tat... I believe in that. Now, could someone please tell me what ``tat" is, and where can I exchange it for the other?

(HALL OF FAME (DIP) - WEISS): Harold and I voted that this game will count in your HOF rating, since you are well below the minimum threshold of 1,000.

(HAROLD-CHARLES): I don't think we can do that, I mean, Mr. James might not approve. Do I have to sign my name?

(FRENCH IMPERIALISTS-INTELIGENTSIA (Okay, I can't spell it and there aren't any in this game)): I decided to check out ``Buy.COM" They have 6 stores, one not open yet. So I check out the Games store. First I type in ``Survive" and nothing. Then I type in ``Survival" and get 3 CD rom based games. Dang, so much for their having the largest selection in the world. So then I type in ``Diplomacy." Zero. Zip. Zilch. Diplomacy has already been nuked off the known metacrawlersearchengines of the dogpile and doesn't exist as far as goes. Hmmm. Then I typed in ``Nuclear Yuppie Evil Empire Diplomacy" Guess what - I got two matches to the search. The first was ``Saddam Hussein, version 1.0 or 1.4" The other was ``The Abyssinian Prince." Go figure. ((Yay!! I've noticed that I've made it into the major search engines now so that you can look for all sorts of things from the szine. Notice also how it allowed the guitarist from Delta Clutch to find me (see above)!))

(HORNS to BUFFOONS-FOR-BASSOONS, THAT FAMOUS RALEIGH MARCHING CLUB WHICH PERFORMSAT ALL NCState Bball GAMES): If you were significant you'd have more press and more bombs would come your way.

(MDLew-SADDAM HUSSEINIANS): Dressed in purple, you too could be assailed by the Moral Majority as creating gender bending confusion in the 1.5 year olds watching tv instead of playing nuclear empire. Die scummies.

(MONICA-RICHARD): I have a spot over here I'd like your help to clean off. Could I have your warhead? I want your hole missile first though and then let's feel the detonation. (Or has this been done already, Kenneth - or was that Kenny?)

(RICHARD-JIM): Hooray for electronic submission, too bad my IPS ((I assume you REALLY mean ISP....)) distorts the format and you have to go through and make it look pretty. I'm looking forward to a hell of a game - exactly as you promised me/all of us. I've already got strategy and an ally. I know you sometimes print private messages to you as press, and if you do, well, I'll nuke P-Town. Or P on Nike town, your choice.

(BOOB to RICHARD): Not my choice, yours. You guys make all the choices in this game.... no dice!!

(GM'S EGREGIOUS FLUB #2): Last issue, John called Richard ``and back in the US of A at that!" You failed to correct John on his implication that Guam is non-US. Surely your editorial range of competence includes that portion of the US Constitution involving territories?

(BOOB FLUBS AGAIN): Yes, you are correct, sir! What can I say, I blew it??!!

(``AND, UMMMMM, SOMEONE ELSE...'' to GM): My, my, this zine certainly isn't Cheesecake. ((Around these here parts, we call 'em SZINES! Better get that right from now on or I'll stop apologizin'. Oh yes, and NO, this isn't Andy Lischett's type of szine.))

COME AND HAVE A GO (If You Think You're Hard Enough): 1998 V, Diplomacy


Summer 1901

AUSTRIA (Pollard): has f ALB, a GAL, a RUM.

ENGLAND (Tallman): has f NTH, f NWG, a YOR.

FRANCE (Morris): has f ENG, a SPA, a PIC.

GERMANY (Sayers): has f HOL, a KIE, a RUH.

ITALY (Munson): has f ION, a TUS, a VEN.

RUSSIA (Dwyer): has f GOB, f SEV, a UKR, a STP.

TURKEY (Barno): has f BLA, a ARM, a BUL.

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Kent Pollard, Box 491, Mammoth Hot Springs, Yellowstone Nat'l Park, WY 82190 ($4)

ENGLAND: Terry Tallman, 3805 SW Lake Flora Road, Port Orchard, WA 98367, (360) 874-0386 ($5)

terryt of

FRANCE: Scott Morris, 12110 Shelbyville Rd., Louisville, KY 40243 ($5)

Scottm221 of

GERMANY: Jim Sayers, 15 Holdsworth Street, Woollahra 2025, AUSTRALIA ($10)

100233.513 of

ITALY: Scott Munson, PO Box 1042, Gardiner, MT 59030, (406) 848-2102 ($5)

ABLodge of (Put Attn: Scott in your Subject since he shares this E-Mail)

RUSSIA: Luke Dwyer, Colgate University, Box J 1262, 13 Oak Hill Drive, Hamilton, NY 13346,

(315) 228-4625 ($5) Ldwyer of

TURKEY: Mike Barno, 634 Dawson Hill Road, Spencer, NY 14883 ($5)

mpbarno of

Game Notes:

1) Nothing much up here, but some press....


(THE MINISTER OF IMPERIAL COMMUNICATIONS to THE WORLD): Please forgive Ambassador Pollard's strange lisp and awful accent. He drinks too much and his cigar consumption is becoming legendary. But, our nation stands completely behind his decisions which are handed down from the Emperor himself.

(MUNSON to BARNO): Your paratroopers are getting filthy drunk on the local wares in Naples. We are having a grand time of it, all in all. They are a rough sort, but like to ``party it up" with the locals. Rumors are spreading that these fellows are planning on running for positions in local government here.

(MAGYARS to THE TURKS): We do not need your help! We will deal with the Austrians if and when they come! Our people cannot stand the sight of Big Nosed Turks entering our lands for the pure sake of conquest. ((What other purpose is there???))

(GERMANY to RUSSIA): HARUMPH! The Imperial German Government rejects the slanderous comments made by some so-called German Prince to the Brave and Noble Russian People. (Everybody knows German Princes can't read or write anyway.) And if we find out who he is we will push his steel helmet so far down onto his bullet head he will look like a vacuum flask. HARUMPH!

(SKYWALKER to ALL): I must be doing something wrong, I have gotten attacked by two countries in the first turn of the last two games I have started. But, as in my other start, I have not yet begun to fight.

(MUNSON to POLLARD): Nice opening!! A slight bit more aggressive than I would have done it, but pretty slick moves none the less. Now the question is whether or not you can keep those gains. Trust me, the question is a real one.

(ENGLAND-FRANCE): Do you want to bounce in London or be productive and claim centers? The choice is yours to make.

(SKYWALKER to BARNO/POLLARD): I promise you this will be interesting.

(SERBIAN PEASANT to SELF): Nobody wants me.

(ADMIRAL FLASHMAN to SLAP-DASH GOVERNING BODY OF TUNIS): ``Do you mind if I anchor my flag ship, the Dego Inferio in your harbor? I promise not to stay long."

(POPE PERVERT II to VIENNA): Have you had any luck in acquiring young boys for my private choir? I do love to listen to their sweet voices. It is so delightful....

(GERMAN PRINCE to RUSSIAN PEOPLE): Amazing! Why don't you just roll over so the hounds can get a good shot at your genitals, while you're at it.

(SKYWALKER to ALL WHO CAUTIONED ME ABOUT TURKEY): I should have listened to you. Instead I trusted Barno. I have learned a valuable lesson.

(RUSSIA to AUSTRIA AND TURKEY): I am getting all the way!!!

(ITALY to ENGLAND): No, I will not move to take Marseilles. And no, I will not move to Tyrolia. ((Hmmmm.... why waste time telling him what you WON'T do, what WILL you do???))

(GERMANY - ENGLAND): Stay north.

(BOOB to GERMANY): No, no, it is ITALY that we are trying to tell what to do, do you mean that you want Italy to go north?? OK, I guess....

(SCOTT M. to SCOTT M.): Where are you heading to? ((Ooooh, now I'm really confused....))

(MOSCOW to BERLIN): Well, if I go down, at least I will take you with me.

(POPE PERVERT II to AMBASSADOR KENT POLLARD): ``Next time you stop by the Holy chambers, make sure you bring gifts. Like Gin, hookers, etc. Oh yeah, bring beer, too. Good beer. The darker the better. Velveeta cheese and bacon are good gifts. Mmmmm.... pork"

(ADMIRAL FRANZ VON POLLÄRD to AMBASSADOR DWYER): Zis could have been avoided. But, my office and especially the Emperor did not accept the fact that I have not received a single missive from you or your nation. Two letters were mailed to you. In one I stated that the High Command was becoming wary. Only silence greeted me. So, remembering vhat a great Austrian war hero once instructed me (The Baron Von Steuben) I decided that ``Whoever does not make use of the pen shall die by the sword!'' May God have mercy on your people...

(SKYWALKER to BARNO): No hard feelings, I try not to carry grudges in-between games. But within this game....

(NEWS FLASH in the WORLD GLOBE PAPER): THE RUSSIAN PLAN! The Russian government has accidentally let it be known that they plan to forfeit all of their land to foreign powers! When asked why, Russian official Lukail Dwyerski replied, ``How better to take over a hostile power than from within?"

(SKYWALKER to BOOB): Now that I have been attacked, I all of a sudden have a lot to say. Strange.... ((Hyork, hyork, hyork....))

(THE BUDAPEST ENTERPRISE): There I was. Rumors had been circulating for days of a possible invasion. There was nothing to do but wait and see. It was early in the morning when the sound came. Next door a couple of Russian forward observers stumbled out from their rooms. They both reeked of vodka. Turning to each other their mouths suddenly gaped open. Coming down the streets were thousands of Austrian soldiers. The sound we could hear was their voices. In unison they were singing at the top of their abilities. Strange. I recognized it, but if I was not mistaken it was a British ballad. It was being dedicated to the Czar's wife. As they neared I began to make out the words, ``Sit on my face if you really love me and....''

Marvelous! Their helmets shined brightly and I noticed their bayonets were fixed. Tears welled up in my eyes. I realized with great joy as they were entering the Capitol that History was in the making....

(PORTUGUESE LAND OWNER to WORLD): ``We were just kidding!! Really!!! Don't worry about us!!! [aside to Jim-Bob]- so how about an army in '02?" ((Huh??))

(NOTE TO EVERYONE FROM SCOTT MUNSON): I have now had 2 different players in our Diplomacy Game ``Come and Have a Go," ask me to forward e-mail messages that I have received from other players as private communications. I don't see this as a surprise, but because of it, I will no longer use e-mail to contact Diplomacy players in this Postal game. I know this can cause problems with the Australian, but I will still accept e- mail. I will just no longer answer peopIe using e-mail. You will get a letter in return. I see it as underhanded, forwarding private e-mail, but not out of the realms of the game. If you want to hand over what I have written, you will LITERALLY have to do it.

SO GOOD IT HURTS: 1998 P, Regular Diplomacy



Fall 1901

AUSTRIA (K. Ozog): f alb-GRE, a BUD-tri, a SER S a bud-tri.

ENGLAND (James): f ENG C a wal-bel, f nth-NWY, a wal-BEL.

FRANCE (Dwyer): f MID-bre, a SPA h, a PIC-bre.

GERMANY (Goesle): f DEN S RUSSIAN f gob-swe, a kie-HOL, a bur-MAR.

ITALY (Rauterberg): f ion-TUN, a ven-PIE, a TRI S TURKISH a bul-ser.

RUSSIA (Rusnak): f gob-SWE, f SEV S a ukr-rum, a lvn-PRU, a ukr-RUM.

TURKEY (Emmert): f ANK h, a BUL-ser, a CON-bul.

Supply Center Chart

AUSTRIA (K. Ozog): vie,bud,ser,gre (has 3, bld 1)
ENGLAND (James): lon,lvp,edi,bel,nwy (has 3, bld 2)
FRANCE (Dwyer): bre,par,spa (has 3, even)
GERMANY (Goesle): ber,kie,mun,den,hol,mar (has 3, bld 3)
ITALY (Rauterberg): rom,ven,nap,tun,tri (has 3, bld 2)
RUSSIA (Rusnak): mos,war,sev,stp,rum,swe (has 4, bld 2)
TURKEY (Emmert): ank,smy,con,bul (has 3, bld 1)
Neutral: por (Total=34)

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Kurt Ozog, 1220 N. Ashbel Ave., Berkeley, IL., 60163, (708) 544-9330

kozog of

ENGLAND: Drew James, 8356 Radian Path, Baldwinsville, NY 13027-9357, (315) 652-1956 ($5)

dkbn of

FRANCE: Luke Dwyer, Colgate University, Box J 1262, 13 Oak Hill Drive, Hamilton, NY 13346, (315)

228-4625; School Breaks Only: 49 Middlesex Drive, Slingerlands, NY 12159, (518) 439-5796 ($5)

Ldwyer of

GERMANY: Warren Goesle, 3907 Cedar Ridge, #1B, Indianapolis, IN 46235 ($5)

ITALY: Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Dr., Greenfield, WI 53221, (414) 281-2339 ($5)

prosit of

RUSSIA: Russ Rusnak, 1551 Highridge Avenue, Westchester, IL 60154-3428 ($5)

TURKEY: Steve Emmert, 1752 Grey Friars Chase, Virginia Beach, VA 23456-5436, (757) 471-1842 ($5)


Game Notes:

1) Builds please? See that Spring deadline?? Be careful, it will sneak up on you.


(ERIC CARTMAN - BOOB): Mr. Garrison says that, since I passed the quiz on Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman, I am going to pass this year as long as I don't skip summer school. :P

But, just to make you happy, here's what Russ Rusnak (if that really is his name) should do in the fall. A Lvn - Swe; F Bot Convoys A Lvn - Swe; A Ukr S F Sev - Rum; F Sev - Rum.

(VIRGINIA BEACH to PROVIDENCE): I have been trying for years to figure out the rules for cricket, and would love to know just what Kumble did against Pakistan. I don't know what ``taking all ten wickets" means, but I fully understand the rarity of his feat. The one improvement I would suggest for the game is to change the silly requirement that the bowler throw the ball with a straight arm. Imagine one of the batters standing in against Roger Clemens, who's allowed to (hell, he's REQUIRED to) bounce the ball into the wicket. Let's see those Pakistanis hit a 98 mph slider in the dirt. ((I wanted one of the Brits to respond. Perhaps with another nudge! NUDGE, NUDGE, NUDGE... if you cricket fans don't answer our question, then your game really is a boring and useless sport of no fathomable interest.))

(EM-MERT to GO-EL): So, you getting more mail these days?

(GERMANY to RUSSIA): Yeah, it's a postal game. But if you're going to type your letters anyway you might as well email them. Are you afraid of your handwriting being analyzed?

(DREW to LUKE): Yea, right - the standard Germany goes after England by way of Burgundy opening - I've seen it at least a million times!

(AUSTRIA - VIRGINIA BEACH): If we bounced- sorrrryyyyy! I just couldn't resist playing spoil-sport. My Empire's in a precarious position.

(ROME TO MOSCOW): You're right: I had better get involved with the action in France, one way or another. You're wrong: I haven't performed the Austrian invasion solely with an eye to proceeding into Russia. That's too far down the road for me to think about at this juncture.

(AUSTRIA - ROME): Congratulations! You got 2. Thanks to my naivete. I hope your stay at the Hotel Trieste is a comfy one. Please, make yourself at home. The wine is over there.

(ENGLAND to FRANCE): Don't get so upset. Notice that the name of the body of water separating our countries is the ENGLISH channel. It is only proper that the Royal Navy uses it for exercises.

(JAMES to GM): How did the guessing go in the West? I probably should have sent you an extra five spot to increase my odds. ((Well, you got YOUR two builds. I can't imagine you could be any happier.))

(ENGLAND to RUSSIA AND GERMANY): Let's stay friends in the north. We each have what is rightfully ours. All three of us have more pressing concerns.

(GERMANY to FRANCE): Eenie, meanie, miney... Having been in your situation recently, I know what I did. It didn't work. Perhaps you'll do better. I hope not. Good letter though. The answer is `no'.

(KAISER to BOARD: Well I didn't have to eat the words, but I did get as far as turning the oven on once.

(PUNSTER JR. to PROVIDENCE): Mahatma Gandhi was a spiritual leader known for not wearing shoes and after many years of leading marches his feet were extremely hard. He also participated in many hunger strikes, and, as his normal diet was very meager he became very thin and frail. His dietary habits also led to his having poor teeth and bad breath. It is in this way that he became known as a super-callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.

(GO-EL): Thanks Jim-Bob! Betcha forgot that you hadn't included the Gandhi press yet.

(TURKEY to RUSSIA): Now, be a nice little boy and stay the hell out of the Black Sea and Ankara, like you said you would.

(LORD VADER to YOUNG LUKE): Turn toward The Dark Side, my son. It is your dessssssstiny.

(YOUNG LUKE to VADER): Never. I'll never join the- OWWWWW!!! STOP DOIN' THAT!!!

(TURKEY to AUSTRIA): I heard you needed a lawyer, so I came as soon as I could.

(SKYWALKER on COLLEGE HOOPS): I agree with Jim on most of his predictions, ((But you haven't seen them yet.... oh yeah, the ones from last time.)) but I have a prediction of my own. Look out for Siena College. I am a little partial to the team because my dad is a professor there, but hear me out. Siena leads the MAAC currently, but probably will lose the tie breaker with Niagara because they lost both regular season games to Niagara. Nevertheless, Siena is 21-4 with wins vs. GW, at St. Bonny, and at Pepperdine. Siena is the third highest scoring team in the nation and leads the nation in free throw shooting. They have an excellent coach in ex-Villanova assistant Paul Hewitt, and I look for them to be one of the 12 seed upsets over a 5 seed. Also, looking at SU's conference record, I think they are definitely a bubble team for the NCAA. But, they did beat my Red Raiders of Colgate University by 54 points, 94-40. I just thank SC for taking away the distinction of scoring the least points in the Carrier Dome. SC could only muster 38 vs. SU. ((Well, I picked Siena above to storm forward, though my head says that the quick Arkansas team will be the one to storm to the Sweet Sixteen... and they ended up a 13 seed. Your old coach Mike Deane was just fired, that's a real shame... and I too have a soft spot for Siena since MY dad is a graduate of Siena! Good luck....))

(BEACH to PROVIDENCE): Good luck in the dance. I think the Spiders (15-11) will probably win in the first round of the CAA tournament (against cross-town rival VCU) and then lose in the second round to #2 seed ODU. Old Dominion is really the best team in the conference, despite the fact that George Mason won the regular season title. In the ACC, Virginia is beyond hope; they have to win the play-in game just for the right to play (ulp!) the Dookies. The #1 seed has never lost a first-round game in the history of the ACC tournament, so even if the 'Hoos win on Thursday, they get to leave town on Friday. Say good night, Gracie. ((Yippie doo-dah. See my Big Dance picks above.... I gotta be right, I gotta!))

(MORE SPORTS MUSINGS): Griffey probably hits #400 this year, unless he gets hurt. He will turn 30 after the end of the season, so I'd say he has an excellent chance of passing Hank. He has a chance to hit his 500th homer at the age of 31. If the loonies running MLB insist on further diluting the talent pool by further expansion (they envision two 16-team leagues soon), then somebody's going to hit .400 again. Manny Ramirez gets AL MVP over Rodriguez. (Note to Jim-Bob: Lose these predictions in case they turn out to be goofy.) ((Notice, attention, attention, these are Steve Emmert's predictions! They go on the Internet and you can look back at them for years and years and years!!!))



Turn 4

44 (replenish with a 3): Shemp(10), Curly(8), Bernard Spoke(6)
43 (no replenishment): Empty
42 (no replenishment): Empty
41 (replenish with a 3): Larry(5)
- S - P - R - I - N - T - - F - I - N - I - S - H - - L - I - N - E -
40 (replenish with a 4): Sir Isaac Newton
39 (no replenishment): Empty
38 (no replenishment): Empty
37 (replenish with a 3): Kyle Broslofski
36 (no replenishment): Empty
35 (replenish with a 3): Christoph Wheelhub
34 (replenish with a 4): Kenny McCormick
33 (no replenishment): Empty
32 (replenish with a 3): Eric Cartman
31 (no replenishment): Empty
30 (replenish with a 3): Moe, Cottontail, Stan Marsh
29 (replenish with a 6): Peter
28 (replenish with a 7): Mopsy, Flopsy
27 (no replenishment): Empty
26 (no replenishment): Empty
25 (replenish with a 3): Alessandro Cyclotron
24 (replenish with a 4): Barkin' Larkin'
23 (replenish with a 5): Will Shakespeare, Damon Velodrome
22 (replenish with a 7): John Logie-Baird, Chasin' Jason
21 (replenish with a 9): Broke Leg Meg, Shane the Chain
20 (replenish with a 11): Alfred the Great

Addresses of the Participants - Their Team and Their Cards

TEAM 1 (Farmer McGregor's Dinner): Eric Brosius, 53 Bird Street, Needham MA 02492

(0 points) 72060.1540 of CompuServe.COM

A: Flopsy 7 7 8 7
B: Mopsy 3 7 9
C: Cottontail 3 3 11
D: Peter 4 6 18

TEAM 2 (Chef's Crackers): Rick Desper, Bergheimer Strasse 114, 69115 Heidelberg, GERMANY

(0 points) rick_desper of or desper of

Coach is, of course, Chef
A: Stan Marsh (aka the Star Quarterback) 7 7 3 9
B: Kyle Broslofski (aka the Lonely Jew) 3 12 10
C: Kenny McCormick (aka the Pov) 16 4 9
D: Eric Cartman (aka the FatAss) 10 3 6

TEAM 3 (Goz Transportation Co.): Warren Goesle, 3907 Cedar Ridge, #1B, Indianapolis, IN 46235

(6 points) gozcorp of

A: Alessandro Cyclotron 7 3 10 8
B: Bernard Spoke 3 8 3
C: Christoph Wheelhub 3 7 9
D: Damon Velodrome 5 3 14

TEAM 4 (Brit Pack): John Harrington, 1 Churchbury Close, Enfield, Middlesex, EN1 3UW UK

(0 points) johnh of

A: Alfred the Great 18 4 11 15
B: Sir Isaac Newton 3 4 3
C: Will Shakespeare 4 3 5
D: John Logie-Baird 15 7 16

TEAM 5 (The Stoogecycles): David Partridge, 15 Elmer Drive, Nashua, NH 03062-1722

(23 points) rebhuhn of

A: Curly 3 8 3
B: Larry 3 3 6
C: Moe 3 10 3
D: Shemp 4 3 7

TEAM 6 (The Flat Wheel Society): John Schultz, #19390, W-M11L, Indiana Department of Correction,

(0 points) Plainfield Correctional Facility, 727 Moon Road, Plainfield, IN 46168-9400

A: Broke Leg Meg 12 15 9
B: Shane the Chain 12 9 10
C: Barkin' Larkin' 7 4 6
D: Chasin' Jason 10 7 16

Game Notes:

1) Since I like this game and am learning how to do this and have to put my new knowledge to good use, I will start another game. I'll keep the sign-up list here so that interested parties will see it as they peruse the szine. All games will start when they have precisely six players and for the moment I will keep the game opening list always on. This game will continue to be free, like Nuclear Yuppie Evil Empire. Currently in line for the next game are: Luke Dwyer, David Partridge, Rick Desper, Eric Brosius and John Schultz. I'm going to run this one, but David has volunteered to run a game in Tinamou, so when this second game gets started, I will be collecting interest to play the third game there. David should say which version of the rules he wants to use (I see at least three possibilities). This game will be played under Version 2.3 of the rules printed in THIS issue, thanks to Keith Thomasson! There are a number of differences between this version and the version we are playing with here in Version 2.2. Some confusion between these two versions of the rules caused my GMing errors here, so current players should look at these differences carefully, as they define the rules we are playing under: (i) The maximum value of any new card is 15 (in Version 2.2 this is unlimited). (ii) The Breaking Away bonus ONLY is earned on the first turn of Breaking Away (in Version 2.2 this also is unlimited, as Shemp discovers this turn - whoops, that was before I adjudicated and showed that the Stooges pulled together, so no Breaking Away bonus is awarded). (iii) Overcrowding for the first turn is based on FOUR or more cyclists on it and affects ONLY the square in FRONT treated as blank (in Version 2.2 this was based on FIVE or more cyclists), and for these versions, contrary to the preferred version of the game designer, affects ONLY the square in front.

2) Half of the first sprint point riders get theirs this time, the other half undoubtedly will go next time. The field is REALLY spread out now, will they bunch up again as they try to gather strength for the next sprint? The highest card given out this time was an 11 and almost half the riders replenished with a 3.


(CRACKERS): OK, here come the kids! Kenny reaches down and ignites his rocket booster. The bike races forward. Kenny, hanging on with only one hand, starts screaming ``Mmmm-mmm". First he passes Peter Rabbit and Alfred the Great (a matched pair if ever we saw one.) (Don't ask me what that means, I don't know.) Then he zooms past Eric Cartman. ``Hold on, Kenny!" shouts Eric, who reaches down and lights his own rocket booster. They leave Chasin' Jason and John Logie-Baird in the dust, Kenny hanging on with one hand, Eric peddling as fast as his chubby legs let him. ``Look out Kyle!" they shout and they zip past. Kyle reaches down and ignites his own rocket booster, which burns brightly. ``Hold on, Kenny!"

The kids are now blazing through the field. Back fall Broke Leg Meg and Shane the Chain. The kids catch up to their captain, Stan Marsh. ``Stan, help us stop Kenny" shouts Kyle. Stan throws out a rope to Kenny's bike, and tows along. After being dragged past the main pack of riders, Stan loses his grip and falls to the wayside. Kyle shifts into afterburn, and rockets past poor Kenny, who, fanned by the draft of Kyle, loses control and crashes. Eric pulls up short and looks at the explosion.

Yes, folks, just as we feared.

(KYLE): Oh my God, I killed Kenny!

(KYLE - KYLE): You bastard!

(BERNARD SPOKE to STOOGES): Hey! Look over there! Some girl is taking off her top!

(MOE - > CHEF): What's that, slow down? I can't quite hear you, come on up here and repeat that.

(TFWS - > CHEF): Believe me! I'm not a Hoosier by choice. I'm originally a Kentucky hillbilly. Strong legs from walking coal country hills and built for peddling.

(BERNARD SPOKE to GM): Think they fell for it?

(DAMON VELODROME): How do you pee in these tight pants?

(MEG - KENNY): What's with this mmm stuff? And a longer mmm-mmmm for Alfred? If that's sexual, I'm worried about you.

(GOZ TRANSPORTATION CO. QUARTERLY REPORT to THE PARENT CO., GOZ & CO., INC.): Profits off $20M this quarter, partly due to possible acquisitions, partly due to mismanagement of assets, but mostly due to some stooge stealing away with all the marbles.

(STOOGES QUARTERLY REPORT): Profits up, expect to make $20M this quarter. Present plan to stockholders to merge with Goz Corp, forming Go Stoogez Corp and attempt to form a monopoly in bike parts.

(TFWS - > BOOB): I'm declaring the FWS a permanent team and I'll run as many races as you sponsor. Perhaps, like my Snowball Fighting career, nine years later I'll still be hunting a victory.

(WILL SHAKESPEARE): It is better to have raced and lost than never to have raced at all.

(BOOB to TFWS): When in doubt, look to Will.

(ERIC -FIELD): I think I'm going to outthink myself this round. ((I don't know, you created one of the two drafting groups this round. But if you meant did you line up BEHIND another group of riders, yes, I guess you outthought yourself.))

(SIR ISAAC NEWTON): I think Will Shakespeare is beginning to realise the gravity of the situation.

(HOOSIER ONE to HOOSIER TWO): I think it's time to hang back and let the rest take the lead for awhile. Do you copy? Over?

(MEG-CHEF): Yeah, but that was before I figured out how this really worked.

(STOOGE - > GM): There's no pleasing some people. They don't like it when I'm in the back, they don't like it when I'm in the front. I least I engendered a lot of press.

(GO-EL to JIM-BILLY-BOB): If you can email the rules of this to me, I may run it in ``I Digress".

(BOOBY to GO-EL): I don't have them on E-Mail, just in the hard copy version I put in the szine. Why don't you decide which version you want to run and I'll send you a clean copy of the one you want to use.

(CHEF - BOOB): When Eric says to Sally Struthers ``Gimme some chocolate cake", he says this not to make fun of her, but because he wants some chocolate cake. ((Amazing, what a concept! Why didn't I think of that???)) As for making ``commercials with starving people from Africa", I suggest you check out the whole Cartman/Struthers/ starving people from Africa episode which covers this in detail: Starvin' Marvin. ((I don't have cable, so I've never seen South Park at all from TV. Since I even voted for Eric Cartman on that Internet poll, I thought I should at least familiarize myself with who these guys are, so I rented a ``Making of South Park'' video from the store that included interviews with the creators and the first couple of episodes. Is Germany all cable now with access to all the American cable channels??))

(GENETICAL ENGINEER - MOPSY): Have you decided to take my offer? The lab/*cough* hutch is really quite comfortable.

FEAR AND WHISKEY: 1998Ers31, Modern Diplomacy


Autumn and Winter 1997

BRITAIN (Schultz): bld f edi, a liv; has f EDI, a LIV, f NOR, a BOR, f SWE, f MOR,

f BIS, f ENG.

EGYPT (J. O'Donnell): has f LBS, a ALB, a ANA, f LIB, a AZE, f EME.

FRANCE (Andruschak): R a nav otb; rem f sao, f gol; has f MAR, a LYO, a TUS, a AUV.

GERMANY (Rauterberg): R a pru-SIL; bld a ber; has a BER, a MUN, a SIL, a CZE,

a ALS, a SWI, f BAL, a PAR, f BHM, a SLO.

ITALY (Ozog): bld a ven, f rom; has a VEN, f ROM, a AUS, f ION, a PIE, f TYS,

a HUN, f SER.

POLAND (Sasseville): has a PRU, a BIE, f GDA, f LAT, a POD, a MOS.

RUSSIA (Goranson): has a GOR, a STP, a LAP.

SPAIN (S. O'Donnell): bld a sve; has a SVE, a NAV, f WME, a AND, a MAD.

TURKEY (Pollard): has a KAZ, a ANK, a IST, a CAU, f AEG, a GRE.

UKRAINE (Partridge): R a pod-RUM; rem f geo; has f EBS, a ROS, a CRP, f WBS,

a KIE, a VOL, a RUM, a BUL.

Supply Center Chart

BRITAIN (Schultz): EDI,LIV,LON,ire,nor,mor, (has 6, bld 2)
EGYPT (J. O'Donnell): ALE,ASW,CAI,isr,sau,lib (has 6, even)
FRANCE (Andruschak): LYO,MAR,bar,mon (has 6 or 7, rem 2(r:otb) or 3)
GERMANY (Rauterberg): BER,FRA,HAM,MUN,den, (has 8 or 9, bld 2(r:otb) or 1)
ITALY (Ozog): MIL,NAP,ROM,VEN,cro,ser, (has 6, bld 2)
POLAND (Sasseville): GDA,KRA,WAR,lit,bie,mos (has 6, even)
RUSSIA (Goranson): GOR,MUR,STP (has 3, even)
SPAIN (S. O'Donnell): SVE,MAD,gib,tun,por (has 4, bld 1)
TURKEY (Pollard): ADA,ANK,IST,IZM,gre,irn (has 6, even)
UKRAINE (Partridge): KHA,KIE,ODE,SEV,ros,rum, (has 8 or 9, even(r:otb) or rem 1)
Neutral: none (Total=64)

Addresses of the Participants

BRITAIN: John Schultz, #19390, W-M11L, Indiana Department of Correction,

Plainfield Correctional Facility, 727 Moon Road, Plainfield, IN 46168-9400

EGYPT: Jeff O'Donnell, 402 Middle Ave., Elyria, OH 44035-5728, (440) 322-2920 ($5)

FRANCE: Harry Andruschak, PO Box 5309, Torrance, CA 90510-5309, (310) 835-9202 ($5)

GERMANY: Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Dr., Greenfield, WI 53221, (414) 281-2339 (E-Mail)

prosit of

ITALY: Eric Ozog, PO Box 1138, Granite Falls, WA 98252-1138, (360) 691-4264 ($5)

ElfEric of

POLAND: Roland Sasseville, Jr., 38 Bucklin Street, Pawtucket, RI 02861, (401) 722-4029 ($5)

roland6 of

RUSSIA: Rich Goranson, 10 Hertel Avenue #208, Buffalo, NY 14207-2532, (716) 876-9374 ($3)

ForlornH of

SPAIN: Sean O'Donnell, 126 S. Park, Oberlin, OH 44074, (440) 774-2928 ($5)

TURKEY: Kent Pollard, Box 491, Mammoth Hot Springs, Yellowstone National Park, WY 82190, ($10)

UKRAINE: Dave Partridge, 15 Elmer Drive, Nashua, NH 03062-1722, (603) 882-3523 ($9)

rebhuhn of

Game Notes:

1) Check out the Modern Dip web page at: Cyberia/modern.htm


(THE MEKONS QUOTE OF THE MONTH): ``Lust corrodes my body, I've lost count of my lovers.'' I think that's from ``Millionaire.''

(SPAIN to FRANCE): I just remembered, are you aware that I just turned 18 December 8th and Sara is 19-21 somewhere in there. I've played one Diplomatic game to test my skills or what skills for that matter. I am well aware of the stab since of two reasons since I stink with Russia I deliberately had it in such a way that E/A/T and G to attack me and well it worked then two things happened words and I was laid off at work otherwise when I resigned from there and TAP worked the same way I would not have been particapating in watching France get smoked. So sorry to disappoint you though.

(ROME-PARIS): Harry, you must ``abort" your pirate mission now before it is too late! Defend the homeland! ((I don't think he was listening....))

(FRANCE-WORLD): NUNC, VERO INTER SAXUM ET LOCUM DURUM SUM! (Translation: Now, I really am between a rock and a hard place.)

(SPAIN to BRITAIN): Would you like to go sailing in the Sao? I got the support for you.

(BRITAIN - BOOB): Empire building - ohhh - the smell of it. Like napalm in the morning!

(TURKISH HOME GUARDS to THE UKRAINIANS): You are to be respected. You are warriors. We almost wish that we could be allies. Allah joins us and demands that aggression is met with aggression. You are a foe that we will sing songs of praise to. ``May all infidels fight as you have...''

(KIEV to BERLIN): Oh darn, you've got your kids reading your mail again don't you. Sorry, about that. From now on I'll put all the sarcasm and tongue in cheek stuff in italics so you don't get confused. For example, Boob is the best Diplomacy tactician I have ever played against.

(THE MIGHTY SULTAN to THE PHARAOH): We welcome our brother armies to our shores. Together let us push the infidel armies of the Ukraine back upon themselves! The Mother of all Battles continues....

(GERMAN CONSULATE): The Reich has announced the formal annexation of Paris, Switzerland Czechoslovakia, and Belgium into the homeland. ``These are our kind of peoples," exclaimed the Reichminister of Consolidations and Conciliations, ``and besides, they provide cheap labor for our munitions works."

(JEFF to ANYONE): I see in my newspaper that the independent counsel law originally passed by the Democrats for the sole purpose of harassing Republicans is up for renewal and is going to be voted out. I can only say, thank God!

(MUNICH): The ``hiring" signs were taken down at the army recruiting station here in town; ``No place to put em, and too far to send em," growled the chief of station.

(AMBASSADOR ATÄTURK PÖ-LLARD to THE WORLD): I am pleased. Allah is with us.

(JEFF to JIM): Gosh! I hope my use of God doesn't offend anyone. Maybe I should change that to ``Thank the invisible, apparently all-powerful, creator symbol".

(SILESIA): The cheering throngs welcomed the would-have-been sailors of Prussia into land duty today. ``The Poles says that they 'don't want us crowding up the streets in Danzig'", mumbled one raw recruit. ``That's silly of them, when Warsaw and Kracow are denuded of residents. What are their priorities?"

(UKRANIAN ARMY IN VOL to TURKISH 3RD ARMY): I'm sorry we are not able to take your call right now, please leave a message at the beep.

(TURKISH 3RD ARMY to THE VOL): Sons of rabid Jackals! We are not finished with you yet! Your time shall come! Prepare yourselves!

(KIEV - ROME): A damn sight sooner if I have any say ( < :. (But it's obvious I don't.)

(A VOICE IN THE DESERT): When the waters from the sky above fall to desert sands below, hope arises for the green grasses come forth anew...

(U to P OR UP): Go west young man, go west!

(SPAIN to BRITAIN): I would have built a fleet to aid you into Sao, but since you've talked to me saying you've heard rumors I want to invade you I declined to build it.

(A TURKISH ZEALOT to MOTHER RUSSIA): Dung from a thousand swine! You insult the Sultan! Not a word has been sent from your people. Only silence. Have you not heard, ``Whoever does not make use of the pen shall die by the sword.'' ((I haven't heard that one before, but I like it, I like it....))

(ANDRUSCHAK-WORLD): Just a note that my local library had a copy of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Philosophy. I checked it out and read it at home in a couple of hours. It is a fairly decent (if superficial) survey of philosophy, and should help you fake it if the topic comes up at dinner conversations or in the TAP press. ((Are you now prepared to explain the Categorical Imperative to us???)) Not really worth buying, however, just check it out of the library.

(SPAIN to NON E-MAIL PLAYERS): I'm out of stamps at this time and will write whomever is needed when I get some.

(SPAIN to ITALY): Trust me, we intend on invading Italy in the year 2065 PB. I hope it don't last that long.

(ANDRUSCHAK-GM): Another hectic scramble to meet the deadline. Maybe I am getting too old for this sort of thing. Besides, I have been devastated to learn from Jerry Falwell that Tinky Winky, the purple Teletubby, is actually a vile piece of propaganda that promotes homosexuality. I live in dread that the Republican party will denounce the red Teletubby for promoting communism and liberal Democratic party ideas. Soon MADD will disclose that the yellow Teletubby promotes drinking, alcoholism, and yellow jaundice. And of course Big Business will point out that the green Teletubby promotes conservation, ecological, and environmental measures.

(JEFF to HARRY): There is only one truth to the abortion issue that both sides agree to and that is the simple fact that 100% of the people who are pro-abortion have already been born. I can only say that if anyone you know is contemplating an abortion I strongly recommend that you counsel that person to have a sonogram first so that at least their choice will be an informed one.

(JIM-BOB to JEFF): Thank you for that revised response. I'd like to end that discussion in the press at that point, please.

(JEFF to JIM): I appreciate your admission that allowing Harry's pro-abortion note to be printed ws wrong and I will confess that my response was disproportionate. However I feel you owe me a proportionate pro-life response. You have my word that I won't send in any more pro-life manifestos. ((Thanks, no problem.))

SHOW ME THE MONEY: 1997Mea04, Colonial Diplomacy



Winter 1905 revisited

BRITAIN (York): bld a kam (imp, see note); has f ADEN, a TAS, a KAR, f RS,

f HK, f SIN, a TIB, f SHI, f AS, a BEN, f NAN, f MAL.

Spring 1905

BRITAIN (York): f aden-ARA, a TAS-ore, a KAR S f shi-per, f RS S TURKISH a egy,

f HK S f nan-can, f SIN-mal, a tib-ASS, f shi-PER, f AS S f mal-ban(ec),

a ben S a tib-ass (d r:tib,nep,luc,hyd,otb), f NAN-can, f MAL-ban(ec).

CHINA (Goranson): a CHU-can.

FRANCE (Sasseville): f ANN-scs, a TON S a can, f GOS S f ban(ec)-mal,

f BAN(EC)-mal, f SCS-hk, a CAN S f scs-hk, a RAN h, a ass-BEN,

a U.BUR S a ass-ben, f FOR h.

HOLLAND (Desper): f BOR h, f ts-SIO, f SAR S f sun.s, f JS S f sun.s,

f CEBU S f ls, a SUM h, f SUN.S S f js, f LS S FRENCH f for.

JAPAN (Dwyer): a KYO-seo, a KYU-nan, a VLA S a mac-irk, f UP S f ecs,

f ECS C a kyu-nan, a MAC-irk, f OS S a vla, f YS S a seo-mac,

f SOJ C a kyo-seo, a SEO-mac.

RUSSIA (Williams): a OMSK-ore, a per-kar (d r:afg,bok,otb), a IRK S a mon,

a TAB S a bag-shi, f MED-rs, a arm-BAKU, a MON S a irk, f SHA h, a bag-SHI, a KAG S a sik,

a PEK S f sha, a SIK S a kag, a LAN S f sha, f syr-ANG.

TURKEY (Tallman): a egy-SYR, f SUD h.

Addresses of the Participants

BRITAIN: Andy York, PO Box 201117, Austin, TX 78720-1117

wandrew of

CHINA: Rich Goranson, 10 Hertel Avenue #208, Buffalo, NY 14207-2532, (716) 876-9374 ($5)

ForlornH of

FRANCE: Roland Sasseville, Jr., 38 Bucklin Street, Pawtucket, RI 02861, (401) 722-4029 ($8)

Djrolandb of

HOLLAND: Rick Desper, Bergheimer Strasse 114, 69115 Heidelberg, GERMANY (E-Mail)

rick_desper of or desper of

JAPAN: Luke Dwyer, Colgate University, Box J 1262, 13 Oak Hill Drive, Hamilton, NY 13346, (315)

228-4625; School Breaks Only: 49 Middlesex Drive, Slingerlands, NY 12159, (518) 439-5796 ($4)

Ldwyer of

RUSSIA: Don Williams, 27505 Artine Drive, Saugus, CA 91350, (805) 297-3947 ($5)

wllmsfmly of

TURKEY: Terry Tallman, 3805 SW Lake Flora Road, Port Orchard, WA 98367, (360) 874-0386 ($0)

ttallman of

GM: Jim-Bob Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327, (401) 351-0287

Game Notes:

1) Yes, it was another GM boo-boo. Britain cannot build in Kashmir (kam) because it is not one of their original supply centers, thus the build Andy submitted was illegal. I promise I will triple check the Supply Center Chart next time. This happened to Russia on an earlier season. All parties involved have agreed to remove the illegal build and continue the game without a delay.

2) Not a lot of movement, not much evidence of joint actions (though there were some curious ``double fake'' moves), a few dislodgements. Ho-hum. Hey, it's not MY fault!! I reserve the right to berate you guys for boring play and you can berate me for all the GM errors, let's go to the press, kinda weird:


(BOOB to SKYWALKER): Now is it you or your father who is starring in the upcoming new movie....

(MACHIAVELLI-WORLD): ``Minds are of three kinds: one is capable of thinking for itself; another is able to understand the thinking of others; and a third can neither think for itself nor understand the thinking of others" (The Prince p.80) Note - The English monarch is obviously of the third type.

(BOOB-MACHIAVELLI): Perhaps. Amazingly enough, great Diplomacy players must be all three at times, even the third one. I know ***I*** am all three at different times. But perhaps that's why I'm such a decidedly NON-great Diplomacy player.

(T to R): Eat gravy you pigling suckling whatever.

(BOOB to TOADFATHER): Such language! Duckmeat is very fat, perhaps if you sizzle it, you may suck in the fat, pigling or no.

(ME to JIM): My Spidey sense is tigling like mad and once again I am probably correct. If only I can perfect it and make it more accurate.

(F-H): If you attack me an anal probe will be inserted in your ass by my UFO fleet.

(BOOB LAMENTS): All this worry about BEING attacked....

(T to E): Beat you to London!

(F-R): In the Spring perhaps we can set sail on a cruise.

(MORE BOOB LAMENTS): The Spring is gone....

(T to CHINA): Get GAME!

(STRAY PRESS): Viva La France!

(F to LUKE): I pray you have not gone over to the dark side.

(JAPAN to HOLLAND): How ya doin?

(DUTCH HEADQUARTERS, JAKARTA): President Reagan issued a short statement this morning - ``The White House has been feeling empty ever since the kids left for the bike race. It is quite sad. The Congress has just passed legislation declaring Russia an evil empire. Bombing begins in five minutes. That is all."

(F-GM): I berate you for your error. That feels better. I was told to abuse you. You know I am too nice to truly mean it as we have met. ((Clearly I will have to buck up the level of my abuse of the players so you will comfortably slam me! I remember now why I end up stabbing you all the time.... do you have any allies in this game at all? Oh yeah, Holland gave you a relatively meaningless support, but where it counted... hyork, hyork, hyork!))

COLUMBUS CHILL: 1993 J, Regular Diplomacy


Summer 1921

AUSTRIA (Davis): has a BUD.

FRANCE (Zarr): has a MAR, a POR, f SPA(NC).

GERMANY (Jones): has a SIL, f HOL, f PIC, f MID, f ENG, a BUR,

a GAL, a MOS, a VIE, a BOH, a MUN, a TYO, a GAS,

a PAR, a UKR, f IRI, f NAO.

TURKEY (Weiss): has a BUL, f TUS, f BLA, a RUM, a VEN, a TRI, a SER, f GOL,

a SEV, f WES, f NAF, f PIE, f ADR.

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Rick Davis, 1130 Hevrin Cr., Soledad, CA. 93960, (831) 678-2132 days, (831) 678-4470 eve.

redavis914 of

FRANCE: Harold Zarr, 215 Glen Drive, Iowa Falls, IA 50126-1957, (515) 648-2821

GERMANY: Charles Jones, 1722 Quail Circle, Corona, CA 91720-4155, (909) 735-8981

RUSSIA: Eric Schlegel, 314 Fords Lane, Aberdeen, MD 21001, (410) 272-3314

TURKEY: Richard Weiss, 500 Beale St. # 104, San Francisco, CA 94105, (415) 512-7221

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GM: Jim-Bob Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327, (401) 351-0287

Game Notes:

1) All draws and concessions are still rejected. A concession to Austria is proposed. I don't see any other proposals. Please vote on this one with your Fall orders. Failure to vote on this one counts as a YES, 'cause I think it's cool to concede to one center powers.


(TURKEY to LazyFingersGM): OK, posting the ``Stalemates A to Y" is even more impressive than if you'd typed in whatever sorry/accurate info Germany had provided. I am impressed at your knowledge and the hobby's historical efforts and intense interests. Thanks for the info. Sorry to read that you are still figmented in your concreteness which long ago replaced any imagination you might have. No matter how many lengths you will go to to destroy them - you can't because they are stalemate lines. ``Stalemate lines" by definition can't be blown up. Teleological, etc. ((Nope, teleological arguments are fundamentally flawed. You can't prove or disprove the existence of God that way either. I would think someone with your ``Zen sense of existence" and the ``Zero-Sum'' philosophy would understand PRECISELY what I mean. Whatever. Your sexy big words sway me not.))

(GERMANY >> > JIM BOB): On page nine of the rule book it says: ``PBM gamemasters can NOT categorically refuse, and MUST comply with a player's legal moves and write ALL press.'' ((Ah-ha, a categorical imperative? We need Kant to assist us. I suggest you check the book recommended by Mr. Andruschak out of the library, get caught up, and we will pick this up again next time.....)) I would enjoy reading your ridicule of the stalemate lines. It would be way more fun than writing out my orders for this game. This is the slowest game I've ever played in. ((Hyork, hyork, hyork. I need say no more.... you have proved my point!))

(TURKEY-GERM THE VIRUS, SICKENING AGENT): I went fishing the other day and couldn't believe how big the fish was on my line, finally after a 90 minute fight I had it on the gunnywales and decided to release out of respect. Also, I had a dream with a poem that was superior to Kubla Kahn, ((sic)) when I awoke I wrote down the first 8 stanzas, showed it to a professor who was stunned, asked to go photocopy it and somehow lost them. Neither of us can remember enough about the lines to get them to be wonderful. Which reminds me about the term paper I was working on until the bird peed on my notes, then flew away with many of them. Which is to say, that if Jim didn't type it, you didn't write it, and you are just bragging about nothing. If it ain't documented it weren't done. ((Amen, brother!))

(PROVIDENCE SENTINEL): An angry mob surrounded the house at 666 Smith Street. It seems that the man who lives in the house has refused to admit the existence of stalemate lines. Police are not sure what set the mob off, some kind of nerds board game, they think. Police reported that the mob threw garbage at the house. ((Ah, so that was YOU!!! We reported you to the Police ourselves today, really!)) Neighbors reported that it really didn't make any difference the yard was filled with garbage anyway. ((You try living across the street from a convenience store and keep your yard clean, humph....)) Mark Nelson is quoted as saying, ``What's a few hundred pounds of extra matter anyway, there must be a ton of trash there now? Old washing machines, banana peels, newspapers, etc.'' Eric Verheiden summed it up nicely, ``That guy is a reprobate!'' The mayor said that the city had considered evicting the current owner, but ``Who would be dumb enough to buy a house with that address anyway? It would just be worse off empty, although a crack house might be an improvement.''

(HOF-AUSTRIA): You sir, at our last committee meeting, were the focus of a number of comments. We created a special Task Force to research your situation and to make recommendations to this Committee. The Special Task Force on Austrian Survival as a Single SC Country in Columbus Chill has returned a recommendation to the Committee. The Task Force has recommended that you be granted a special cove in the Hall. You are now the longest surviving single dot country in the history of PBM-Dip! Such notable achievement required minting of a special medal and title - you have garnered the respect of all negotiators who have ever had to negotiate from a position of extreme weakness. You sir, are welcome to the Hall anytime. We beseech you to join us after Columbus Chill for a little rum to warm us all up. Remember, that this is an invitiation to you alone. That dummy Turkey is not welcome even as the toad-carrying lackey of one so noble as you.

(THOR-COMMITTEE): You miserable humans who sit on the Committee, don't forget that you are only a Committee. You are not the Hall of Fame. You are not the Members of the Hall. And you are definitely not one of the Ghods, such as myself. Hubris has it's penalties. Destructing one of the Ghods - Ghod James TAP Booby - is not condoned. One more such comment and you shall gain personal acquaintance with my hammer!

Personal Note to You:

File translated from TEX by TTH, version 1.66.