February 11, 1999

Produced by Jim Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327 USA, (401)351-0287

Accessible through Internet at burgess of; FAX to (401) 277-9904

``So I called up George and he called up Jim, I said let's make a deal.

He said he'd talk to him. Gonna start a church where you can save yourself,

You can make some noise, When you've got no choice...

You told me useful things, what people think of me, I guess I should thank you.

It's true, then I agree... I'm all alone, I've got no choice,

I'm all alone, I've got no choice."

From ``Got No Choice" by the incomparable Mark Cutler, on his record entitled Mark Cutler and Useful Things. Julie McGinnis does a heavenly cello on this song and longtime readers just KNOW what I think about cello backings for rock songs! This quote will replace Mykey's contribution as the header to the game section next issue. Remember that suggested quotes are welcome any time.

In My Neighborhood: [still blatantly stealing from Tom Howell]

Since I was talking about local actor Richard Donelly last issue, I reminded myself of my favorite Richard Donelly story that I just can't keep from recounting. Recall, Richard is an actor AND a plumber. Well, one of his clients lives on Blackstone Boulevard, where the house they feature in the TV series Providence is, and these houses are all pretty pricey. One Saturday night Richard gets an emergency call from this woman client because she's having a party and the furnace doesn't seem to be working. Richard arrives and rings the front doorbell as he usually does, but some guests are already there and the hostess asks him if he'd walk around to the back and go in the back door to the basement.

Richard complies and goes in the basement and finds the furnace totally blocked and just minutes from exploding. He knocks the safety valve off with a wrench and releases the pressure just in time, then he cleans the blockage and gets the furnace up and running, saving the party. The hostess hurriedly thanks him and pushes him out the backdoor, still trying to hide Richard from her guests.

A month or so later, Richard was in a starring role in a play downtown and after a show goes in our local ``Players Corner Pub" where much of the acting community hangs out. This same woman is there with a big group of friends who had just seen the play. She calls him over, with ``Richard, Richard, come here and meet my friends, your performance tonight was a real work of art!''

He walks up to the table, and in his best theatrical voice, intones, ``Lady, what I did to your furnace last month during your party, THAT was a work of art!" Then he walks away.


The postal sub price is a flat $1.00 per issue in the US and Canada, a bargain at twice the price.... but you can double that for other foreign subbers (or $2.00 per issue sent airmail). Players in current games and standbys will continue to get the issues for free, and new game starts (except for Nuclear Yuppie Evil Empire Diplomacy, which is free) cost $15.00 ($10.00 for a life of the game subscription and $5 for the NMR Insurance). I am going to defer rate increases for the moment, but only until the current series of game starts is completed. Remember that music comments and reviews are scattered through the game press at times. These prices are due to increase in the near future so take advantage of them now.

More Postal Musings: I didn't think too carefully about it, but most of you probably noticed how I made the 99 cent price for the four ounce szine. When I presented the stack of letters to the postal clerk, the first comment was, ``wouldn't you just like to buy dollar stamps and take a one cent loss on each letter?" I said, ``well, no, I really wouldn't." But then she figured it out. ``Would you rather have self-stick 33 cent stamps and just put three on each envelope?" Ah-ha! That would do it!! This turned out to be really easy since the self sticks come in six groups of 3 plus two on the card, so you can scoop up the three stamps and paste them on in one motion. Only us pubbers with 100 issues to mail at one time can understand the joy at such time saving benefits! This will really work, especially since the advent of self-stick stamps has meant that the post office has forgotten how to make lickable stamps that stay on envelopes (e.g. see the one cent make up stamps which are another disaster - ha, ha, doesn't bother me, I've used up all my 32 cent stamps already).

Check out the connections in the Diplomatic Pouch with all of the information you need to play Diplomacy on the Internet at:

Through Stephen Agar's (having recently taken this over from Jamie McQuinn) Postal portion of the Pouch:

the szine resides in html format. Presently, issues from #190 to the current issue are there, and I will be updating the back issues gradually in the near future.

The most recent issue also can be accessed through David Wang's and Pete Sullivan's web pages:

1) David has grabbed and reserved the HIGHLY prized name:!! His ``version'' of this szine is somewhat more html.friendly than the one I created, so please check it out. David Wang's site also allows you to follow John Caruso's postal baseball league that I am in.

2) Pete Sullivan's subszine can be found at:

By electronic mail, through the Internet, subs are free and can be obtained automatically by sending the message: subscribe tap

to majordomo of and messages can be sent to the entire electronic mailing list by mailing them to tap of which will forward your message to all of the people currently on the list. The message:

unsubscribe tap

sent to majordomo of gets you off the list. Please make careful note of that as well since you generally can get yourself off the list a lot easier than I can, and NOBODY likes to see unsubscribe messages sent to the entire list. A big, big thank you for David Kovar for setting this all up!!


One last issue to find Al Pearson! Come on, you guys, someone should be able to find him. I think it is funny that I seem to get just about half of the people I search for, but very few from ``open'' searches. Most of them come because someone knows where the person I'm looking for is. I wanna see more detective work here. Time for another ``shut down'' threat. These seem to work. I'm SHUTTING THIS SZINE DOWN AND FOLDING if someone is not found very, very soon. You have six people to choose from at the moment. Some detective has to get going here. Why not YOU!! I've heard that Dan Stafford is just looking for the right ``inducement" to convince him to write to me. If you gave me his address, I'd send him an issue and if he responded to me, that would count as YOU winning.

This is now going to be a regular continuing feature of the szine and I will be introducing a new ``search for'' every five issues. Moreover, you can win a $25 prize for finding some previous target who went unfound in the original $50 period. That means that if Kevin Tighe or Garret Schenck or Jerry Lucas or Dan Stafford is ``found'' from now on it is worth $25. Plus, Steve Emmert will throw in another ten spot for Garret Schenck if you can get Garret to write to him.

Winners will receive credit for Dip hobby activities that I will pay out as requested by the winner. Bid on PDORA items, subscribe to szines here or abroad, run your own contests, publish a szine, or whatever. Spend it all right away or use me as a bank to cover hobby activities for years. What must you do to win? Get me a letter to the editor for TAP from the person we're searching for. This is very important, just finding them doesn't do it. They have to write me a letter. The final judge as to the winner of any contest will be the target himself and I reserve the right to investigate the winning entry. When you find someone I'm looking for, you should ask him to send me a letter for print that includes a verification of who ``found'' him.


The British representative is the editor of Mission From God, John Harrington. John may be contacted at 1 Churchbury Close, Enfield, Middlesex EN1 3UW, UK (johnh of or JHarrington of The representives in Australia (John Cain, PO Box 4317, Melbourne University 3052, AUSTRALIA) or Belgium and some other European countries (Jef Bryant, Rue Jean Pauly, 121, B-4430 ANS, BELGIUM) also will forward your subscription on to the editor in either Australian dollars or continental European currencies respectively. Please include the full name and address of the foreign publisher with your order, if possible, as well as the szine title. Make your check in US dollars out to me personally. I will conduct business for Canadians as well, if I can, but prefer to deal in US dollars with them if possible, or Canadian dollars cash. To subscribe to American szines, the system works in reverse.

DIPDOM NEWS SECTION (with letters)

Obscure and not-so-obscure ramblings on the state of the hobby and its publications, custodians, events, and individuals with no guarantee of relevance from the fertile keyboard of Jim-Bob, the E-Mail Dip world, and the rest of the postal hobby. My comments are in italics and ((double quotation marks)) like this. Bold face is used to set off each individual speaker. I should also make a note that I do edit for syntax and spelling on occasion.

A discussion is taking place that will address what stance we (the hobby) should take (proactive in some way for sure) toward Hasbro, the new owners of the rights to Diplomacy. If you want to be part of the discussion, send the MESSAGE:

subscribe hasbro

to majordomo of, it works just like the tap mailing list described below. Sending messages to hasbro of sends the mail to the whole list.

The game Diplomacy is a copyrighted product owned by Hasbro and all reproductions or other use of that material in this szine is intended to be personal use and not infringe on those rights in any way. All reproductions are done at a heavy financial loss to the editor and thus are without the remotest possibility of commercial intent, except to promote THE game, the Game of Diplomacy, which you all should purchase from Hasbro or other duly licensed distributors.

Mike Barno (Mon, 28 Dec 1998 20:45:42 -0500)

Randy Ellis now gets e-mail at: Randy1964 of; and mail at: 1041 Kentucky #2, Lawrence, KS 66044; and phone at: 785.843.5615.

Jeff Ellis now gets e-mail at: texsjeff of

On TAP 212: I have a taped copy of Brownie and Meba doing a bluesier ``Rock Island Line" than Little Richard's, which I assume came later. I like it but this version's not as close to your project's goals.

More later. Now I gotta see if Civ 2 Multiplayer Gold Box will install and run on my older machine. It says it needs a Pentium but maybe my DX2 can run it - 32 meg of RAM and plenty of disk space.

Happy winter solstice, and may you cherish each day regardless of whether someone else defines it as a holiday.

Mike, mpbarno of

((Mike, sorry I misplaced this one for awhile. I put it away with my ``address E-Mails'', but you did have a note in here too. While I'm at it, there's where you can find Randy and Jeff!))

Jim Sayers (Wed, 3 Feb 1999 20:02:46 -0500)

Esteemed Sir, Your exquisite magazine took the standard ten (10) days between Providence and Sydney. I am mainly connected with the world by email, so it is delightful to get the actual 'zine, but not crucial. How do you like the Australian version of the game name? CUM'N AVAGO.

Regards, Jim Sayers, 100233.513 of


((Come again??))

((Stop that!))

((I can't help myself.... cum'n avago.... great!))

John Harrington (Fri, 05 Feb 1999 10:19)

Jim, I must remember to vote in your Music Poll. Over here the bull-pen is something we keep bulls in but I think I get the general idea - it's a subs bench, right? ((Correct, this is a term from our game of baseball. It might have evolved from days when stadiums were used for both bullfights and baseball games, but probably not. Anyway, this is the area where the excess pitchers wait to see if they need to come in and replace the pitcher on the mound..... stop me.... It's all Emmert's fault.))

You might also be interested to know that some form of concerted attempt is being made to revive the postal hobby here in the UK. For a long time we were unaware that the postal gaming flyer was no longer being inserted into the UK Diplomacy box - owing to some confusion the packers at Gibson's Games were putting the wrong flyer into the box, namely a plug for Games Games Games mag.

Anyway, the flyer is back in the box so hopefully we'll start getting some fresh meat through that. ((I hope so. I, too, have been trying to be more aggressive about promoting the postal hobby over here. I sent a couple of people your way, including our Zine Register publisher.))

I spoke to Roger Heyworth of Gibson's and so far as he is concerned his company's contract with Avalon Hill is still valid and Gibson's can carry on selling Diplomacy and Civilization in the UK, so if anyone in the USA is worried about the disappearance of these two classics they can rest assured that in the worst case scenario they can always import the UK versions.

Finally getting to the point I meant to make at the start of this ramble about the UK hobby, one of the ideas we have had is to set up a web-site with game openings on it (both Dip and non-Dip). There's no reason why this should not be a worldwide thing. I seem to recall in the last issue of TAP that someone in the US already does this but is looking to offload it, in which case they (and anyone else interested in staving off the extinction of the hobby until the end of the next millennium) might like to join the Diplomacy Mailing List Stephen Agar has set up on

At the moment this project is still at the ideas stage. Ryk Downes is the one who intends to host the project and the only drawback with Ryk is that he does an incredible job running umpteen zines, zine polls, hobby publications for 9 months of the year and then goes missing for 3 months (I am sure we can all sympathise with those occasions when real life takes over). So if we can figure a way to have joint custodianship of the game opening database that would be my preference.

((Keep us updated! I'll join that list.))

Enough of this, it's time to do some work.

Regards, John, JHarrington of


It also is time to ask for your ``best of 1998'' lists. Give it to me anyway you want to - a top 10, a couple of favorites, a list, an essay, whatever - the classic is to tell me your top singles, top albums, and best concerts of the year, but you are the boss. Don't wait too long though because I want to move into the party tape issues pretty quickly. I plan to have my list in NEXT time. I'm a bit rushed at the moment, but two subszines will keep this issue huge.


This section is developing a list of the great party singles of the century. You'll get a definite sense of quirky before we're done. You'll also get a sense of timelessness. I'll assume that I'll also get some comments from some of you. I'm going to set a slate of only 10 - that's just ONE more from what is below and then DEMAND votes from you out there to fill the rest of the slots. The Bullpen voting system I am envisioning will work like this: you each get ten votes which you can allocate across as few as two songs (5 votes apiece) or as many as ten songs (1 vote for each). You can allocate your ten votes any way you want, but you can't put any more than five votes on any one song. You also get ONE B-52 song vote (although you can add votes from your main allotment if desired) and THREE Drug Song votes which will be held in a separate category. The other ``special'' bullpens must be voted on from your main allotment of votes. I decided that I WILL print running totals and print the names of the people who have voted. Write-ins will be permitted, but are unlikely to win. I know I have lost some suggestions that aren't in the bullpen lists below, so feel free to mention 'em again!

I have one vote in, but I want to wait until I have at least two before I start printing them. Do I have to give things away to get you to vote? OK, five voters at random will receive five US dollars from me (either in cash or paid to someone for Dip stuff). I will take these voters at random every other issue, starting with next issue, and draw one randomly, so early voters get FIVE chances to win, but no one will be allowed to win twice. That should do it!

We'll end up with a monster party tape at the end of it that I plan to segue and sequence and copy for distribution. The result will be a great New Millenium party tape. I've also been thinking that I should put this out on CD as truly emblematic of the new millenium. I don't have the capability to do that quite yet, but I think I might by then. Any suggestions (or especially volunteers) on this front will be cheerfully accepted and could receive monetary payments!

So far, we have ``I Melt With You'' by Modern English; George Gershwin's ``I got Plenty O' Nuttin' '' from Porgy and Bess in the 1957 concert recording with Ella Fitzgerald finishing off the vocals after Louis Armstrong blows and sings through the tune; Duke Ellington performing Billy Strayhorn's ``Take the A Train''; Frank Sinatra's ``New York, New York''; something from the B-52's; the original Van Morrison and Them version of ``Gloria''; The (English) Beat's 12 inch version of ``Save It for Later'' ratchets things up to the next level (wherever you put it!); Buster Poindexter's ``Hot, Hot, Hot'' keeps you there; ``Atomic Dog'' by George Clinton blows the doors off, and Koko Taylor cleans up singing Willie Dixon's ``Wang Dang Doodle''.

EXTRA SPECIAL B-52'S BULLPEN: ``Give Me Back My Man" or ``Rock Lobster" or ``Planet Claire'' or ``Love Shack'' or ``Dance This Mess Around" or ``Private Idaho''.

BULLPEN: ``Rocking the Casbah'' - The Clash; ``Dancing With Myself'' - Billy Idol's Gen X; ``Walk This Way'' - Run-DMC; Prince - ``1999"; ``Fire on the Mountain'' or ``Cumberland Blues'' - the Grateful Dead; Devo - ``Whip It"; ``Shake, Rattle, and Roll'' - Big Joe Turner; B Movie - ``Nowhere Girl"; ``Roadrunner'' - Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers; Strunz and Farrah - ``Americas''; Clarence ``Gatemouth'' Brown - ``Up Jumped the Devil''; David Bowie - ``Fame''; ``party at ground zero'' by fishbone; ``Tweedle Dee'' by Lavern Baker; ``Been Caught Stealing'' - Jane's Addiction; ``Hard to Handle'' - Black Crowes; ``Birth-day'' - Suzanne Vega; Doors - ``Road House Blues"; Cure - ``In between days"; Lou Reed - ``Sweet Jane''; Little Richard - ``Rock Island Line''; Bangles - ``Hazy Shade of Winter"; Violent Femmes - ``Blister in the Sun"; Go-Go's - ``Our Lips are Sealed"; Peter Frampton - ``Do you feel like we do"; Led Zeppelin - ``Hey, Hey what can I do"; Three Dog Night - ``Shambala"; ``Party Train'' - Gap Band; ``Proud Mary'' - Ike and Tina Turner; Concrete Blonde - ``Still in Hollywood"; ``Magic Mountain" - the Animals; ``The Pusher" and ``Magic Carpet Ride" - Steppenwolf; ``Revolution" - the Beatles; ``Pass the Dutchie" - Peter Tosh; ``Shake, Rattle, & Roll" - Big Joe Turner; ``Locomotion" - Little Eva; ``Want Ad Blues" - John Lee Hooker; ``Jambalaya" - Hank Williams; ``Give the Dog a Bone" - AC/DC; ``Party at Ground Zero" - Fishbone; ``I Feel Good" - James Brown; ``In the Mood" - Glenn Miller; ``Mannish Boy" - Muddy Waters; ``Chain of Fools" - Aretha Franklin; ``Twistin the Night Away" - Sam Cooke; ``Twist & Shout" - Beatles; ``What I Like About You" - Romantics; ``And We Danced" - Hooters; ``I Wanna Be Sedated" - Ramones; ``Train In Vain'' - The Clash; Nirvana - ``Smells Like Team Spirit"; Erasure - ``River Deep, Mountain High"; Squeeze - ``If I Didn't Love You"; Public Enemy - ``Bring Tha Noize (w/Anthrax)".

SPECIAL GEORGE CLINTON BULLPEN: Prince - ``Bob & George"; ``I Just Wanna Testify'', ``Let's Take It to the Stage'', ``The Pinocchio Theory'', and ``Flash Light''.

SPECIAL MILLENNIUM BULLPEN: ``1999'' - Prince; ``Disco 2000'' - Pulp. These songs are officially INELIGIBLE FOR THE TAPE!!!

SPECIAL ROLLING STONES BULLPEN: ``Satisfaction", ``Paint It Black", ``Jumpin' Jack Flash", ``Get Off of My Cloud'', ``Sympathy for the Devil''.

SPECIAL TALKING HEADS BULLPEN: ``The Great Curve'', ``Take me to the River", ``Life During Wartime'', the entire Speaking in Tongues record.

SPECIAL ALPHABET SONG BULLPEN: ``YMCA" - Village People; ``MTA" - Kingston Trio.

SPECIAL DRUG MUSIC BULLPEN: ``Cocaine'' - Eric Clapton's version; ``Casey Jones'' - the Grateful Dead; ``Red, Red Wine'' - UB40; The Toys - ``Smoke Two Joints''; ``Panama Red'' - New Riders; ``Smoke, Smoke, Smoke (That Cigarette)'' - Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen; and ``I'm an Okie from Muskogee'' - Merle Haggard; ``Legalize It'' - Peter Tosh; ``Heroin'' - Lou Reed and Velvet Underground; ``Easy Skanking" - Bob Marley; ``The Drugs Don't Work" - The Verve; ``Old Red Eyes is Back" - Beautiful South; ``Don't Bogart that Joint'' - Fraternity of Man; ``Hemp, for Victory''; Plus this late addition:

A very kind song for the Drug Songs category, late to the entry gate: ``Sinsemilla", Black Uhuru. Electronic reggae: nontraditional tones in largely traditional Jamaican rhythms, smooth, happy. ``Free the herb!".

Steve Emmert (Wed, 27 Jan 1999 17:43:45 -0500)

Dear Jim-Bob (GM version) -

Today I have taken a step away from the cozy, comfortable world of government service, and have accepted an offer to work in the private sector. You have no idea how I agonized over this; it's a good financial opportunity, but it will require that I (eventually) start doing something I've never done before - rainmaking. But never mind that; it's off to the world of chasing dollars. (Sigh.) What am I getting myself into, Jim-Bob? ((I don't know. I probably will take that leap somehow, some way, some day. Right now, though, I have two jobs and can't even think about bailing to the private sector. But I know what you mean.))

Hey, anybody out there need a lawyer? ((You should know better than to ask about that with this crowd. Can you do anything about Mike Tyson???))

I am off to Montreal on Friday for a slightly long weekend. Tickets to Canadiens-Hurricanes on Saturday afternoon, and to Canadiens-Penguins Sunday afternoon. ``Weather permitting," that is; I think you have to add that language when you're talking about flying into Quebec in January. Despite the fact that the Habs are having a terrible year, I'll have a blast. I'll think of you when I go to dinner at Troika, a Russian restaurant. Last time I was there, I had pepper vodka, sevruga caviar, and roasted wild boar.

Michael Jordan has retired since the last deadline, and now we're enduring all the paeans to him as The Greatest Basketball Player Ever, The Greatest Athlete Ever, . . . really, he might be The Greatest Marketer Ever, but I doubt the rest of it. ((He certainly doesn't match up against the greatest cricketers ever....))

Exhibit A: Wilt Chamberlain. How many 100-point games does Michael have on his resume? How many times did he average 50 points a season? Did they ever change the rules, to make it fair for the players who played against him? (They did that for Chamberlain, widening the lane considerably. Otherwise he could do anything he wanted under the basket.)

Exhibit B: Bill Russell. I'd like to see Michael's ten championship rings, earned in twelve seasons, please. And none of this nonsense about comparing their supporting casts. I agree that Cousy, Jones, Jones, etc., were excellent. But Pippen and Rodman are, too. Russell made everybody on his team better, offensively and defensively.

Oh, as to the ``Greatest Athlete" nonsense, I usually assign that title to the reigning world record holder in the decathlon. (When Jim Thorpe won the decathlon AND the pentathlon in the 1912 Olympics, he was awarded the decathlon gold medal by the King of Sweden, who said, ``Sir, you are the greatest athlete in the world." Thorpe replied, ``Thanks, king.") But over time?

I subscribe to the ``mutants" theory. In every sport (well, maybe not curling) there is a player who comes along and blows the old records away by such a margin that you have to assume they're mutants. Maybe their records get gradually bested over time, but these guys raised the bar by such an enormous margin, it's like they're men playing against boys. Chamberlain was one such; nobody could cover him, with the possible exception of Russell. ((Oh, why not in Curling too?? That's a GREAT sport!!! Have you ever played it? It's weirdly fun. Unfortunately, the only time I really tried to play it, I was too young and weak to really ``get the rock off''. You are really bad, you know...))

The best example of this theory is probably Babe Ruth. Eventually, Maris and Aaron and now McGwire and Sosa have surpassed the most glamorous of his records. But Ruth changed the game forever. Before him, slugging was a rarity. Ever hear of Home Run Baker? He got that nickname when he hit an incredible number of homer for his day - something like eleven in a season. Ruth blew by that record and didn't break a sweat, hitting 29 in a year and then going straight to the 50's, ultimately hitting 60 in 1927. NOBODY had done anything remotely like that before.

We are lucky enough to see a mutant right now, actively playing (albeit toward the end of his career) in Wayne Gretzky. Sure, there are guys (usually from western Pennsylvania - this means you, Fassio) who insist that Lemieux had better skills, or some from Detroit who say that Gordie Howe was tougher. But what it comes down to is scoring. Gretzky is SO far ahead of everyone else, it's not funny. Last year, he reached a point at which he had amassed more career assists than anyone else (Gordie is in second place) had points. Howe had, I think, 1,851 points over a long career; Gretzky has something like 2,700 now. And he's still playing.

Jordan probably qualifies as one of the ten greatest basketball players of all time, but I don't know if I can go beyond that.

Steve, SEMMERT of

John Harrington (Fri, 08 Jan 1999 10:22)

Jim, We're already suffering from Prince's ``1999" overkill in the UK. I suggest you remove it from your party list as I think we'll all be sick of it by the eve of the millennium, but I guess the people will decide.

Regards, John, JHarrington of

((I've actually heard that from a number of Brits, but I can't recall hearing the song on the radio over here even once this year so far. The ``establishment'', which includes the radio stations, over here really BURIED him over the ``artist formerly known as'' crap. I don't hear any of his songs any more. Damned shame, as some of his songs are really aces. In any case, I've decided that I agree with you - the millennium bullpen is off limits, see above.))

Mark Stretch (Mon, 1 Feb 1999 13:25:06 -0000)

Thanks for TAP 213. Music of 1998? Well, the best album has to be Beautiful South's ``Quench", with ``Perfect 10", the single from it as the single of the year. And having seen them at the forum, I can include them as the best gig this year. [Yes, I am a fan, by the way.]

Mark, mstretch of

Richard Weiss (Tue, 26 Jan 1999 22:19:53 -0800)

Susan Tedeschi - I am going to see her 2/17 in 2,000 seat venue - getting bigger. Stole your thunder huh, she has a great voice and does great shows. We will be able to blow our own horns about recognizing talent. ((Yeah! That's OK, actually with your knowledge of blues rootsy stuff, I would have been surprised if I uncovered something you'd never seen.))

Stones opened their tour here last night - supposedly amazingly great, as powerful rock and roll as ever. ((Hmmmm, [raised Spock eyebrow] indeed.))

Lucinda Williams will be soon after Susan Tedeschi - I liked Graham Parsons, and will see her not expecting greatness but touchingness. Those will be the only two names I will have seen this year. Not even much dancing to locals. ((Yeah, Lucinda's on my list too, but she's been around for awhile. As has been true in recent years, my list will be female top heavy. What can you expect from a Boob. Damn it, Emmert, you just have me so I cannot stop this issue!!))

Providence the TV show. I have a TV so Alexander can play games. I never turn it on, even for VCR movies. Across the street from me is the ``police station" for Nash Bridges and there is often filming going on. I've never seen the show - and thought it was a take off on Madison County Bridges, until Alexander told me Don Johnson was the star - and I do remember he is in the macho detective mode.

S'later, Richard, rcw of

((I'm usually there too. I've never heard of Nash Bridges and think I could pass Don Johnson on the street without recognizing him. The only reason I know about Miami Vice was that I was a Jan Hammer fan from back in the 1970's. Well, that's it, another issue down. Usually, this is the last page I type before printing, and it is this time too. That's why there can be lots of foreshadowing in the letters section on what comes after. This turned out to be a bit of a weird issue. I hope y'all like it!))


``I have never learned ... to play the lyre, but I know how to make a small and obscure city rich and great." (Themistocles, in Plutarch's Lives.)

If you want to submit orders, press, or letters by E-Mail, you can find me through the Internet system at ``burgess of''. If anyone has an interest in having an E-Mail address listed so people can negotiate with you by computer, just let me know. FAX orders to (401) 277-9904.

Standby lists:

Mike Barno, John Breakwell, Dick Martin, Brad Wilson, Jack McHugh, Glenn Petroski, Steve Emmert, Mark Kinney, Vince Lutterbie, Eric Brosius, Doug Kent, Paul Rauterberg, Stan Johnson, Harry Andruschak, Heath Gardner, Phil Reynolds, Dave Partridge, Andy York, Michael Pustilnik, Dan Gorham, and John Schultz stand by for regular Diplomacy.

Kurt Ozog, Mike Barno, Phil Reynolds, Jim Sayers, and Harry Andruschak stand by for the Colonial Diplomacy game.

Brad Wilson, Jack McHugh, Phil Reynolds, Jim Sayers, Kurt Ozog, and Paul Kenny stand by for the Modern Diplomacy game.

Let me know if you want on or off these lists. Standbies get the szine for free and receive my personal thanks. I'd really appreciate it if anyone wanted to be added to the lists.


One more regular game will be started now, then there probably won't be a regular opening for a very long time. You can send your $15 for your life of the game sub and game fee with NMR insurance. Richard Pinelli ($15), Jim Sayers ($20), Roland Sasseville, Harold Zarr, and Dan Gorham are currently in line for the next regular Diplomacy game. Send money now and sign up! Only two more are needed. Show Conrad von Metzke that he is out to lunch as usual. The postal regular Dip hobby is not dead, there just aren't enough GMs opening game starts.

I also am trolling for players for Colonia VIIb (we need nine in total - Austria, China, England, France, Netherlands, Ottomans, Portugal, Russia, and Spain). I have direct interest expressed from Scott Morris, David Partridge, Robert Stimmel ($15), Heath Gardner, John Power ($15), Paul Rauterberg, Gene Prosnitz, and Stan Johnson. I need just ONE more player to begin. It's definitely time to send money and preference lists if you haven't already. Do I have the right listings up there from people who have paid already?? Remember that if I don't have preference lists from everyone it will be a random draw. I think I only have two preference lists so far.

Ummm, never mind.... you may have noticed that I left a bit of the Nuclear Yuppie Evil Empire Black Hole game start in this section last time. No, I am not opening a second game.... I also changed the game name at the last minute because one of the players objected to the Nelson Mandela name. I thought who better deserves a Nuclear Yuppie Evil Empire game named after them than Saddam? After all, the original Evil Empire is just a bit of a joke now.

Breaking Away has continual openings, see the sign-up list under the game below.

I have an opening for a game of Star Trek Diplomacy! See Stephen Agar's rules on his web page at:

There are two changes I am looking at when I start the game. First, I really want to name all the star systems after Star Trek locations. I have begun to do this already, but if someone wants to contribute significantly, or even volunteer to do it all, I will offer a free game start in the game. Second, after naming all of the systems, I think I want to nix the ``revolving rings'' rule. I'll take input on this idea. The game start is open now, and since I want to STRONGLY encourage press, you can sign up and ``claim'' a race. Species 8472 has been in two segments of Voyager and is a very intriguing diplomatic race (their episodes are the only Voyager episodes I've liked in the last year) and the rest of the races should be well known to all. No interest in this game? I really want to run this. I guess I gotta work on my map and publish it.

Conrad von Metzke is the editor and publisher of Pontevedria, the game openings listing, if you're interested in other game openings. Send Conrad a SASE for the latest issue to: Conrad von Metzke, 4374 Donald Avenue, San Diego, CA 92117 (E-Mail: metzke of Conrad is discussing folding this service. I think actually it needs someone to pick it up with a web page where it can be posted. I'd like to nudge Stephen Agar into talking to Conrad about taking it over and putting in the postal section on The Diplomatic Pouch page, where this szine also resides. This appears to be happening, though it is not official yet to my knowledge. This could serve both the Brit and US hobbies!! I realize that I should probably volunteer to do this since I'm the most active contributor to that page, but I'd really rather not. What we need is for the postal openings to be accessible on the Net.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: 1999 ???, Nuclear Yuppie Evil Empire Diplomacy - Black Hole Variant


Winter 1900

AUSTRIA (S. Kenny): has f TRI, a VIE, a BUD; and five nukes.

ENGLAND (McCullough): has f LON, f EDI, a LVP; and five nukes.

FRANCE (Weiss): has f BRE, a MAR, a PAR; and five nukes.

GERMANY (Reichert): has f KIE, a BER, a MUN; and five nukes.

ITALY (Schultz): has f NAP, a ROM, a VEN; and five nukes.

RUSSIA (Gardner): has f STP(SC), f SEV, a WAR, a MOS; and four nukes.

TURKEY (Barno): has f ANK, a SMY, a CON; and five nukes.

Addresses of the Participants

Sandy Kenny, 23 East Coulter Avenue, Collingswood, NJ 08108-1208

Jody McCullough, 1071 Brown Avenue, Lafayette, CA 94549-3153

jodym of

Richard Weiss, Richard Weiss, 500 Beale St. # 104, San Francisco, CA 94105, (415) 512-7221

rcw of

Sara Reichert, 20805 Margaret, Carson, CA 90745-1224

John Schultz, #19390, W-M11L, Indiana Department of Correction,

Plainfield Correctional Facility, 727 Moon Road, Plainfield, IN 46168-9400

Heath Gardner, 3017 Mayview Road, Raleigh, NC 27607

bassoon of

Mike Barno, 634 Dawson Hill Road, Spencer, NY 14883

mpbarno of

Game Notes:

1) May we have a Miller Number from the Miller Number Custodian, who is still supposed to be Lee Kendter, Jr.?

2) No requests for a delay, so get those orders in NOW!!!

3) I think I might still be missing some contact information. Please fill it in when you send in your orders. Here we go with the first press....


(JOHN - RICHARD): Hi guy! Long time. Great to greet you again my friend - and back in the US of A at that!

(MIKE to JIM): Y'know, the program and hardware most likely got transferred to National Party control, but there's a chance that Nelson Mandela did in fact have nuclear bombs. You know anyone in Israeli intelligence? They'd have this data.

(GM'S EGREGIOUS FLUB #1): Hey, I thought you were gonna name this game ``Nelson Mandela" - you even said so a page earlier.

(HI MIKE): We seem to be joined at the hip for the last couple of years, eh? I'm leavin' you alone till ya' nuke my bones!

(``GM'S EGREGIOUS FLUB" DEPT. to WORLD): Get used to this dateline; Jim-Boob gives us lots of factual reasons to abuse him, especially when he's GMing a variant for the first time.

(JOHN - SANDY, JODY, SARA, AND HEATH): Nice to meet you all for the first time. (Well, of course, I've enjoyed Sandy's writing in Absolute for quite some time.) As anyone will tell you, I'm extremely gullible - I'll believe anything, toady to anyone, and aid anyone along to a victory - and all at the same time.

(TURKEY to AUSTRIA): I hereby declare, uh... je ne sais quoi. Not war.

COME AND HAVE A GO (If You Think You're Hard Enough): 1998 V, Diplomacy



Spring 1901

AUSTRIA (Pollard): f tri-ALB, a vie-GAL, a bud-RUM.

ENGLAND (Tallman): f lon-NTH, f edi-NWG, a lvp-YOR.

FRANCE (Morris): f bre-ENG, a mar-SPA, a par-PIC.

GERMANY (Sayers): f kie-HOL, a ber-KIE, a mun-RUH.

ITALY (Munson): f nap-ION, a rom-TUS, a VEN h.

RUSSIA (Dwyer): f stp(sc)-GOB, f SEV h, a war-UKR, a mos-STP.

TURKEY (Barno): f ank-BLA, a smy-ARM, a con-BUL.

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Kent Pollard, Box 491, Mammoth Hot Springs, Yellowstone Nat'l Park, WY 82190 ($4)

ENGLAND: Terry Tallman, 3805 SW Lake Flora Road, Port Orchard, WA 98367, (360) 874-0386 ($5)

terryt of

FRANCE: Scott Morris, 12110 Shelbyville Rd., Louisville, KY 40243 ($5)

Scottm221 of

GERMANY: Jim Sayers, 15 Holdsworth Street, Woollahra 2025, AUSTRALIA ($10)

100233.513 of

ITALY: Scott Munson, PO Box 1042, Gardiner, MT 59030, (406) 848-2102 ($5)

ABLodge of (Put Attn: Scott in your Subject since he shares this E-Mail)

RUSSIA: Luke Dwyer, Colgate University, Box J 1262, 13 Oak Hill Drive, Hamilton, NY 13346,

(315) 228-4625 ($5) Ldwyer of

TURKEY: Mike Barno, 634 Dawson Hill Road, Spencer, NY 14883 ($5)

mpbarno of

Game Notes:

1) I'm still short some contact information, but I know Kent, for one, doesn't want me to list his phone number. I do have it though....


(YETI to BRITISH PM): Why don't you come on down here for a visit? I haven't eaten a Jack Russell Terrier in months.

(R-A/H): Better watch your moves.

(MIKE to LUKE): As soon as you're ready, we'll hoodwink him.

(ENGLAND to AGGRESSIVE ITALY): You should watch your moves early on. No sense in tipping everybody off to your intentions.

(TURKEY to RUSSIA): I cast a Medusa spell on myself! Everyone in line of sight [that's you; everyone else has neutrals blocking their view] turns to stone and cannot move for two turns.

(FRANCE - GERMANY): Let's get coordinated and take him out.

(BARNO to DWYER): To secure the benefits of more dots this year, I launch nukes at Moscow and Ukraine.

(PORTUGUESE LAND OWNER to GM): We wish to proclaim ourselves a world power! ((So, are you just another oppressed group demanding rights? What do you want?)) Give us a standing army, damn it! ((Oh, really now. What a crock. Why should we give you that?? What makes you think you're all so important??)) We desire it! We deserve it! We've got to keep these pesky French and English forces at bay!

(TURKEY to ITALY): And while we're at it, I airdrop a paratrooper unit into Naples, because it's better than letting my pontoon planes get killed in port.

(ITALY - AUSTRIA): Can you drop that accent you've been using with me in private letters? No offense, but I don't trust characters.

(BARNO to SAYERS): If I don't see the moves we discussed, I'll just assume you decided not to help.

(? to ITALY): The seas will be filled with the blood of your people. We will slowly squeeze the life from your pathetically run country. You have until the Fall of 1904, if you are lucky. We'll see who's laughing then. Never threaten someone when you can't back it up.

(MIKE to LUKE, Vocabulary Dept.): Now that Spring 1901 orders have been played, this group of seven heads of state has something about which to TALK (shout, beg, lie, bluster, and other diverse forms of speech).

(GERMAN PRINCE to RUSSIAN PEOPLE): Do not worry, my little fellows! When we take over, we'll still think of you as the worthless pigs you most definitely are. Your only function will be to die in droves at the slightest threat. That is one of the few things you have proven yourselves good at over the years. We, the German people, don't believe in changing the status quo.

(EAST OF CRIMEA): ``This IS the road to Vienna, where we're headed in order to stop the genocidal slaughter of Magyars by Austrians, isn't it?"

``Yes, lord, it surely is, according to our map."

``Where did we get that map?"

``From that harmless-looking fellow we traded goods with in the last port. He was just a drunken fool; he couldn't have been a spy... right?"

(ITALY to FRANCE): Hope you are happy with the arrangement.

(F to WORLD): This was not my standard cover you booty be safe opening. I am rolling the dice a bit. I am throwing caution to the wind. I am going with my gut instinct. I am out there on the edge BAAAA BYYYYYY! It's a wild and crazy world. I have my booze and pills on hand if I have chosen poorly. And that's the thing ain't it? Ya just never know in this crazy game. Am I the guy in the know? Am I the ``hit" MY GOD THE PRESSURE. Shoot, I am just going to hit the hard stuff now, I can't wait for results. Bring the smelling salts with the next issue of TAP to wake me from my not so peaceful coma.

(BOOB to WORLD): I hope so. That's why there's NOTHING like the high that comes from moves that work out just right!

(ITALY to GERMANY): Peace, brother. I hope not to see any meanie moves yet.


Flashman - ``Damn it, you know I don't like being alone with you, you gluttonous freak of nature!''

Pope - setting aside his beloved, dog-eared copy of the Song of the Bhagavad-Gita but not bothering to get out of bed. ``Oh, quiet! You know I'm not all THAT bad! Now I need to know what these vagabonds about us are up to.''

Flashman - strutting about the grotesquely over-decorated room, Fingering various flashy trinkets. ``Hrumph... Quite tacky..." (noticing a peevish look from the Pope) ``Oh! To business then! It would appear that to our north we have some unsettling news. The Frogs and Germs appear to be trying to expand by leaps and bounds, and I'm afraid there's nothing we can do about it.''

Pope - Rolling onto his side and scratching his ass gratuitously, with a look of pleasure working its way across his face. ``What the Hell do I care? As long as they STAY north, I don't give a damn... Oh yeah.... That's the spot...'' (remembering himself) ``Ahem! Now, what about those heathens to the east of us? You know, the `Vun Vith the dumb accent' and that Turk with the wild hair?''

Flashman - obviously appalled, but trying to ignore the sweating heap of flesh on the bed. ``The turk appears to be unconcerned with our beloved Italy. A good thing in my opinion. As for the Austrian fellow, he appears to be a bit `off', you might say.''

Pope - with the emitting of light flatulence. ``How do you mean?''

Flashman - fighting back tears. Deciding to open a window. ``I'm afraid he can't be trusted. A completely unstable individual. Ahhh... That breeze feels good.... Reports have come in suggesting more than a mere erratic thought process going on over there. He appears to be in his own world, sir.''

Pope - Sitting up, a surprisingly quick movement for him. ``Damn it! I knew something was up with that guy! Do the military advisors suggest any course of action?''

Flashman - Charming grin in place. ``But of course, your Holiness....''

(CURIOUS PERSON to MIKE BARNO): Do you really have a dog named MaryJane? After walking her, do you feel more relaxed?

(MIKE BARNO to HIKERS LIKE THE CITY-BOY OZOG BROTHERS): Thanks to my dog I walked 384 miles in 1998. All but 20 of that was with my dog, but she probably made up that much ground running around in long loops when I could let her off the leash. Together we hiked canyons, walked atop high rock fins, camped in tundra and desert, wandered through woods. Before turning on to Yellowstone I hardly walked a mile a year.

SO GOOD IT HURTS: 1998 P, Regular Diplomacy


Summer 1901

AUSTRIA (K. Ozog): has f ALB, a BUD, a SER.

ENGLAND (James): has f ENG, f NTH, a WAL.

FRANCE (Dwyer): has f MID, a SPA, a PIC.

GERMANY (Goesle): has f DEN, a KIE, a BUR.

ITALY (Rauterberg): has f ION, a VEN, a TRI.

RUSSIA (Rusnak): has f GOB, f SEV, a LVN, a UKR.

TURKEY (Emmert): has f ANK, a BUL, a CON.

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Kurt Ozog, 1220 N. Ashbel Ave., Berkeley, IL., 60163, (708) 544-9330

kozog of

ENGLAND: Drew James, 8356 Radian Path, Baldwinsville, NY 13027-9357, (315) 652-1956 ($5)

dkbn of

FRANCE: Luke Dwyer, Colgate University, Box J 1262, 13 Oak Hill Drive, Hamilton, NY 13346, (315)

228-4625; School Breaks Only: 49 Middlesex Drive, Slingerlands, NY 12159, (518) 439-5796 ($5)

Ldwyer of

GERMANY: Warren Goesle, 3907 Cedar Ridge, #1B, Indianapolis, IN 46235 ($5)

ITALY: Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Dr., Greenfield, WI 53221, (414) 281-2339 ($5)

prosit of

RUSSIA: Russ Rusnak, 1551 Highridge Avenue, Westchester, IL 60154-3428 ($5)

TURKEY: Steve Emmert, 1752 Grey Friars Chase, Virginia Beach, VA 23456-5436, (757) 471-1842 ($5)


Game Notes:

1) Just a reminder on how my deadlines on this work, originally inspired by our very own Russian player in this game. This Summer deadline obviously requires no moves, but does permit press. It seems like things are going slowly, but then after next deadline, Winter builds will be due and then Spring orders right on top of that. Be planning ahead!!


(TURKEY to GERMANY): There's nothing inexplicable about paranoia in a Dip game. After all, paranoia is just a state of mind.

(ANKARA to ARMY WALES): Buy a vowel! Buy a vowel!

(SULTAN to KAISER): Thanks for the new shoes. They should come in handy, now that I've decided to join The Dark Side and chase ambulances.

(VIRGINIA BEACH to BOARD): I'm changing jobs, effective May 1, and will have a new e-mail address to give you then. If you want to zap me at this address, you can probably do so until about March 31-April 1 or so. For the month of April, well, don't count on it, as I'll be away from home most of the time, but you can try me at: semmert of I just don't log on at that address every day.

(AUSTRIA - ITALY): Gee, I sure didn't change your plans!

(FRANCE to ENGLAND/GERMANY): You may think I am out, but I have not yet begun to fight.

(AUSTRIA - ENGLAND): What can I say? You were right!

(AUSTRIA - GERMANY): Okay, scratch that idea. I admit, that was a bit too visionary coming from Austria.

(AUSTRIA - ALL): Hey, a perfect theme song for this game would be ``Dogs'' from Pink Floyd's Animals album:

``You have to be trusted, by the people that you lie to...

So that when they turn their back on you...

You'll get the chance to put the knife in..."

(VIRGINIA BEACH to PROVIDENCE): I take it this means you'll try to schedule TWO deadlines for the month of April, just to bedevil me.

(PROVIDENCE to VIRGINIA BEACH): I don't know, probably. You can count weeks as well as I can....

(SPIDER to ORANGEMAN): How's it looking for March Madness? I think you can count Richmond out this year (10-8, and no real prospect of winning the conference tournament), so maybe you guys can make it to the second round.

(BOOB ON COLLEGE BASKETBALL): Syracuse actually looks in some trouble too, after losing a flock of home games at their usually safe Carrier Dome. My prediction is that they still will make it into the NCAA tournament safely, but they will have the lowest seed among the Big East teams (six of them? UConn, Miami, St. John's as complete locks; Rutgers, Villanova have now made it in if they don't stumble; and Syracuse takes a spot from the A-10 since the A-10 gets just three - Temple, George Washington, and Xavier). Sharp-eyed readers will realize that this leaves BOTH local RI teams on the outside looking in as the top Big East and A-10 entrants in the NIT. This past weekend pretty much sealed the deal as Providence lost to Rutgers and Rhode Island lost to Temple. In each case, they needed to win those games to stay in contention with the teams they lost to. This is true, even though Providence was one of those teams that beat Syracuse in the Carrier Dome (those of you who know us, know this is a ``brother vs. brother'' rooting battle, as David is a Syracuse grad). Both teams share the burden and blessing of a superstar that could be an All-America selection and are near certain NBA stars (Jamel Thomas for Providence and Lamar Odom for Rhode Island), so anything can happen in the last three weeks though. Both Thomas and Odom are great players who also play unselfishly for the team, to a fault. Also, sometimes their teams will get out of the game while watching them play. The college game is NOT a superstar game. And both teams also have real serious weaknesses too. Providence is still playing a 6'5" center, Erron Maxey, who should get an MVP award for best player in the country playing out of position. Rhode Island still has only one consistent guard, Preston Murphy, when he isn't injured or sick - which makes him not very consistent. I'll be rooting for both down teams down the stretch and then in the conference tournaments. Coaches Jim Harrick and Tim Welch have done great jobs through lots of adversity. A couple of other notes, Mike Barno, pay attention! The UConn women's team has been through a bit more adversity than usual this year, but they finally handed the ball to my favorite Husky, Shea Ralph (who amazingly made just her FIRST collegiate start) against Boston College this week and she scored 36 points! As I said a couple of years ago, if Ralph stays healthy and plays, go UConn!!! She missed the tournament as a frosh, the entire season last year, and NOW (with UConn's other injuries) finally gets to be a starter. Finally, everyone noted the game of the year the other night? Penn was leading Princeton 33-9 at the half, 40-13 with about 15 minutes left and LOST THE GAME by one!!! Whoooo, boy, baby. Ah, college basketball, it don't get no better than this, even with Brother Ricky P's Traveling Salvation Show back in action on the parquet. Hmmm, every time I go on and on about college basketball, it leaves the Brits scratching their heads, what to do, what to do??

(EQUAL TIME FOR CRICKET NEWS!!!!): Kumble takes all 10 wickets as India rout Pakistan

NEW DELHI, Feb 7 (AFP) - Leg-spinner Anil Kumble grabbed all 10 wickets in an innings as India crushed Pakistan by 212 runs in the second Test here on Sunday to square the short two-match series. Kumble emulated Englishman Jim Laker's feat against Australia 43 years ago, finishing with 10-74 from 26.3 overs in a sensational finish to Pakistan's first Test series on Indian soil in 12 years. The 28-year-old computer engineer proved unplayable on the dusty Ferozeshah Kotla track as Pakistan, chasing a mammoth target of 420, were shot out for 207 an hour after tea on the fourth day.

(BOOB to LESS THAN CRICKET SENSITIVE TAPITES): This is a HUGE accomplishment. Only two ten wicket performances in hundreds of years of cricket? It's more rare as an individual performance than a perfect game in baseball, 100 points in a game in basketball, or ten goals in one game in hockey! Four days for a game, gee, I don't know....

(TURKEY to GERMANY): Gee, I don't know what you mean. I'M friendly.

(ITALY to GERMANY): You ask too many questions. Let's just say I want Russia in Sweden and leave it at that.

(TURK to TSAR): Sorry for my insistence that we bounce. But my way, neither of us can possibly get stabbed.

(SULTAN to KAISER): I will keep my end of the communicating bargain (with the possible exception of parts of April) as long as you do. Ain't it great when Dip players write to each other?

(ANKARA): The sultan today announced the next step in his policy of liberalizing the nation's traditional prohibitions, by proclaiming that henceforth, the official single malt scotch of the empire will be Laphroaig. We figure this is proprietary, as no one else will be able to pronounce or spell it anyway. Harry Andruschak is hereby appointed the Keeper of the Official Liquor Cabinet. Hey, if we can trust eunuchs in the harem, we can trust Harry with the scotch. ((Indeed!!!))

(TURK to HAPSBURG): How did you get that swell collection of Italian soldiers? Neato-coolo. Are you gonna collect green boats, too?

(SULTAN to MONSIEUR LE PRESIDENTE): I figure you can avoid losing any dots if you just send in reverse orders from what you submitted for the spring. Order everybody back home, and you keep it all. I'll waive the normal fee for this advice.

(PUNSTER): The two ten-year-old boys really didn't like the neighboring beekeeper. He was always shooing them away from the hives, and in a very unpleasant way. They decided to play a trick on him. One day, they set up a fake hive right next to the real one, and threw a blanket (camouflage variety) over the real one. They then hid nearby to watch. Sure enough, when the honeybees came back from their long day at the office, they flew right at what they though was the entrance to the hive, and BAM! they slammed into the painted wooden ``door" to the fake hive, sustaining fatal head injuries. A steady mound of dead honeybees thus grew at the base of the fake hive - honeybees are far too stupid to learn from each other's mistakes - much to the glee of the kids. A passerby, noting what was going on, muttered to himself, ``Lord, what bees these mortals fool."

Endure your PUNishment with dignity, Jim-Bob. There's more coming. Best wishes. ((Hey, no prob, bro. I love puns.))

(ERIC CARTMAN - > GM): The Russian player's name is ``Russ Russnak"? Who are you trying to fool? What next, a Turkish player named Turkey Lurkey? An English player named ``Tall Man?"

(BOOB to FAILING THIRD GRADER CARTMAN): That's Rusnak, not Russnak and sure Russ is real. I've met him, been in his house, ridden in his czar.... I mean car. I think they invented the concept of retention just for you....

(ERIC CARTMAN - > RUSS RUSSNAK, IF THAT REALLY IS YOUR NAME): So excited to see the Livonia opening! My fav!

(BOOB to SHOWING HINTS OF PASSING CARTMAN): Well, at least you have good taste in openings. What will we see as the next move in that opening, Mr. Smarty Pants? Send it in for next issue and if you get it right, we'll think about letting you move on to fourth grade. Oh, yes, all triple entendres are definitely on purpose. Take that, Emmert!!



Turn 3

33 (replenish with a 4): Shemp (Breaking Away!)
32 (no replenishment): Empty
31 (no replenishment): Empty
30 (no replenishment): Empty
29 (replenish with a 3): Curly, Bernard Spoke, Larry
28 (no replenishment): Empty
27 (no replenishment): Empty
26 (no replenishment): Empty
25 (replenish with a 3): Sir Isaac Newton
24 (no replenishment): Empty
23 (replenish with a 3): Moe
22 (no replenishment): Empty
21 (no replenishment): Empty
20 (replenish with a 3): Mopsy, Will Shakespeare, Cottontail, Damon Velodrome
19 (replenish with a 7): Barkin' Larkin', Alessandro Cyclotron, Stan Marsh, Flopsy, Christoph Wheelhub
18 (replenish with a 12): Broke Leg Meg, Shane the Chain, Kyle Broslofski
17 (replenish with a 15): John Logie-Baird
16 (replenish with a 16): Eric Cartman, Chasin' Jason
15 (replenish with a 18): Peter, Alfred the Great
14 (replenish with a 20): Kenny McCormick

Addresses of the Participants - Their Team and Their Cards

TEAM 1 (Farmer McGregor's Dinner): Eric Brosius, 53 Bird Street, Needham MA 02492

(0 points) 72060.1540 of CompuServe.COM

A: Flopsy 7 7 8 9
B: Mopsy 3 8 9
C: Cottontail 10 3 11
D: Peter 4 14 18

TEAM 2 (Chef's Crackers): Rick Desper, Bergheimer Strasse 114, 69115 Heidelberg, GERMANY

(0 points) rick_desper of or desper of

Coach is, of course, Chef
A: Stan Marsh (aka the Star Quarterback) 7 7 11 9
B: Kyle Broslofski (aka the Lonely Jew) 19 12 10
C: Kenny McCormick (aka the Pov) 16 20 9
D: Eric Cartman (aka the FatAss) 10 16 6

TEAM 3 (Goz Transportation Co.): Warren Goesle, 3907 Cedar Ridge, #1B, Indianapolis, IN 46235

(0 points) gozcorp of

A: Alessandro Cyclotron 7 6 10 8
B: Bernard Spoke 15 8 3
C: Christoph Wheelhub 16 7 9
D: Damon Velodrome 3 3 14

TEAM 4 (Brit Pack): John Harrington, 1 Churchbury Close, Enfield, Middlesex, EN1 3UW UK

(0 points) johnh of

A: Alfred the Great 18 4 5 15
B: Sir Isaac Newton 3 15 3
C: Will Shakespeare 4 3 3
D: John Logie-Baird 15 5 16

TEAM 5 (The Stoogecycles): David Partridge, 15 Elmer Drive, Nashua, NH 03062-1722

(0 points) rebhuhn of

A: Curly 3 8 15
B: Larry 3 12 6
C: Moe 3 10 7
D: Shemp 4 11 7

TEAM 6 (The Flat Wheel Society): John Schultz, #19390, W-M11L, Indiana Department of Correction,

(0 points) Plainfield Correctional Facility, 727 Moon Road, Plainfield, IN 46168-9400

A: Broke Leg Meg 12 15 3
B: Shane the Chain 12 3 10
C: Barkin' Larkin' 7 5 6
D: Chasin' Jason 10 6 16

Game Notes:

1) I bet I got everything right this time!! Onward ho! Looks like some people are going to cross the first sprint finish line next turn. Note it lies between squares 40 and 41. Also note that I process things from the front to the back of the pack. I put the three riders on Square 29 in the order they are likely to move next turn, Curly will certainly move first since he is the Stooges ``A'' rider.

2) Since I like this game and am learning how to do this and have to put my new knowledge to good use, I will start another game. I'll keep the sign-up list here so that interested parties will see it as they peruse the szine. All games will start when they have precisely six players and for the moment I will keep the game opening list always on. This game will continue to be free, like Nuclear Yuppie Evil Empire. Currently in line for the next game are: David Partridge, Rick Desper, Eric Brosius and John Schultz. No problem with almost all of you current players playing another one. David has volunteered to run the game in Tinamou if I want to play.... I'll think about that.


(CHEF - > NONSTOOGES): boys, we've got a bit of a problem on our hands

(STOOGES to GM): I can handle the German, but not the TeX.

(BOOB to STOOGE): Notice how your version of the TeX, doesn't look the way that WE can make the TEX\....

(GOZ to EMBARRASSED GAME DESIGNER): There are no coincidences.

(STOOGES to CREATOR): Ah, thank you for the clarification. The way this game started there was definitely room for diploming in the first round.

(CHEF - > BRITS): How embarrassing! The Father of Calculus is about to be outmaneuvered by a bunch of Stooges!

(CHEF - > MOE): Hey, Moe! Slow your brothers down!

(STOOGES to GM): I assume you are adjudicating as in rule 8? It could make a big difference in regards to the sprint bonuses and the final win.

(BOOB to STOOGES): Indeed I am! Note the game note above!!

(CHEF - > FARMER MCGREGOR): Don't slow down now!

(CHEF - > HOOSIERS): Now just sit there nice and slow so we can draft you.

(GOZ TRANSPORTATION CO. QUARTERLY REPORT to THE PARENT CO., GOZ & CO., INC): Profits up $36M this quarter, after British Competition unexpectedly falters. However, some Stooge looks like he's about to steal some of the goodies. Time to give him a golden parachute. Maybe a stick in his wheels too.

(CHEF - > MEG): I thought for sure you would do a ``Prefontaine"

(ERIC CARTMAN - > SALLY STRUTHERS): Gimme some chocolate cake!

(BOOB to CARTMAN): Oooooh, low blow, low blow.... I think you should go make commercials with starving people from Africa and learn some empathy.

(KENNY - > MEG): Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmmmm!

(KYLE - > KENNY): Dude! That's gross!

(GENETICAL ENGINEER - > MOPSY): Aren't you getting tired? Wouldn't you like to spend a night resting in my laboratory (*cough*) comfortable rabbit hutch? Don't mind the elephant. He's gentle!

(ERIC CARTMAN - > JOHN LOGIE-BAIRD): Hopefully you tucked yourself nicely behind Kyle so I can draft you.

(BOOB to CARTMAN): Looks like he couldn't resist that 15 card..... I'm sure he's overjoyed that you got that 16 card though...

(KENNY MCCORMICK - > ALFRED THE GREAT): Mmmmmmmmm mmm mmmmmm mmmmmmmm mmmmmm mmmmmm mmmm mm m mmm mmmmm mmm.

(ERIC - > KENNY): Copycat!

(KENNY - > RACERS): Mmmm mmmmm, woo-hoo!

(STAN - > KENNY): Dude, don't get so excited about last place! You gotta go catch the Stooges!

(KYLE - > SHAKESPEARE): Dude, what was it like to make out with Gwyneth Paltrow? She's hot! ((Did everyone see her on SNL recently? Lorne Michaels and that show badly needs to be put out to pasture, but she was great, just GREAT!))

FEAR AND WHISKEY: 1998Ers31, Modern Diplomacy



Fall 1997

BRITAIN (Schultz): f NOR S f swe, a bri-BOR, f SWE S GERMAN f bhm-bal, f MOR-sao,

f BIS S a bri-bor, f ENG-mao.

EGYPT (J. O'Donnell): f LBS C a esa-alb, a esa-ALB, a ale-ANA, f LIB h,

a irn-AZE, f EME C a ale-ana.

FRANCE (Andruschak): f auv-MAR, f GOL-lig, a LYO-par, f SAO-mao, a pie-TUS,

a nav-bor (d r:bar,otb), a bar-AUV.

GERMANY (Rauterberg): a MUN S a swi, a pru h (d r:ber,sil,otb), a sil-CZE,

a ALS S a pic-par, a SWI S ITALIAN a mil-pie, f bhm-BAL, a pic-PAR, f den-BHM, a cze-SLO.

ITALY (Ozog): a AUS h, f ION C EGYPTIAN a esa-alb, a mil-PIE, f TYS-lig,

a HUN S POLISH a kra-pod, f SER h.

POLAND (Sasseville): a war-PRU, a BIE S a war (otm), f GDA S a war-pru, f lit-LAT,

a kra-POD, a MOS S a bie.

RUSSIA (Goranson): a GOR S a stp, a STP S a gor, a mur-LAP.

SPAIN (S. O'Donnell): a por-NAV, f tun-WME, a AND S a mad, a MAD S a por-nav.

TURKEY (Pollard): a KAZ-vol, a ANK S a cau-geo, a IST S a ank, a CAU-geo,

f AEG S a ist, a alb-GRE.

UKRAINE (Partridge): f EBS S a ros-geo, a don-ROS, a CRP-bie, f WBS-ank,

a KIE S a crp-bie, a VOL-cau, a pod-kra (d r:ode,mol,rum,otb),

a BUL S ITALIAN f ion-gre (nso), f ros-GEO.

Supply Center Chart

BRITAIN (Schultz): EDI,LIV,LON,ire,nor,mor, (has 6, bld 2)
EGYPT (J. O'Donnell): ALE,ASW,CAI,isr,sau,lib (has 6, even)
FRANCE (Andruschak): LYO,MAR,bar,mon (has 6 or 7, rem 2(r:otb) or 3)
GERMANY (Rauterberg): BER,FRA,HAM,MUN,den, (has 8 or 9, bld 2(r:otb) or 1)
ITALY (Ozog): MIL,NAP,ROM,VEN,cro,ser, (has 6, bld 2)
POLAND (Sasseville): GDA,KRA,WAR,lit,bie,mos (has 6, even)
RUSSIA (Goranson): GOR,MUR,STP (has 3, even)
SPAIN (S. O'Donnell): SVE,MAD,gib,tun,por (has 4, bld 1)
TURKEY (Pollard): ADA,ANK,IST,IZM,gre,irn (has 6, even)
UKRAINE (Partridge): KHA,KIE,ODE,SEV,ros,rum, (has 8 or 9, even(r:otb) or rem 1)
Neutral: none (Total=64)

Addresses of the Participants

BRITAIN: John Schultz, #19390, W-M11L, Indiana Department of Correction,

Plainfield Correctional Facility, 727 Moon Road, Plainfield, IN 46168-9400

EGYPT: Jeff O'Donnell, 402 Middle Ave., Elyria, OH 44035-5728, (440) 322-2920 ($5)

FRANCE: Harry Andruschak, PO Box 5309, Torrance, CA 90510-5309, (310) 835-9202 ($5)

GERMANY: Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Dr., Greenfield, WI 53221, (414) 281-2339 (E-Mail)

prosit of

ITALY: Eric Ozog, PO Box 1138, Granite Falls, WA 98252-1138, (360) 691-4264 ($5)

ElfEric of

POLAND: Roland Sasseville, Jr., 38 Bucklin Street, Pawtucket, RI 02861, (401) 722-4029 ($5)

roland6 of

RUSSIA: Rich Goranson, 10 Hertel Avenue #208, Buffalo, NY 14207-2532, (716) 876-9374 ($3)

ForlornH of

SPAIN: Sean O'Donnell, 126 S. Park, Oberlin, OH 44074, (440) 774-2928 ($5)

TURKEY: Kent Pollard, Box 491, Mammoth Hot Springs, Yellowstone National Park, WY 82190, ($10)

UKRAINE: Dave Partridge, 15 Elmer Drive, Nashua, NH 03062-1722, (603) 882-3523 ($9)

rebhuhn of

Game Notes:

1) Check out the Modern Dip web page at: Cyberia/modern.htm

2) Some background discussion occurred this season on the use of wings. The air arm rules are documented on the Modern Dip web page cited above. Though it was pretty obvious that everyone would not agree to adopt wing rules in the middle of the game, and indeed at least one person vetoed the idea, I think the discussion convinced me that if I run this again (probably not until this game ends), I will try the wings. Thanks to all for their input!

3) I want to thank all of you for some truly exceptional press this time. I like this kind of stuff that is easy to mix into a great story! Keep up the good work. Sorry for the semi-sour note that it ends on.... but all great stories have their tough times.


(THE MEKONS QUOTE OF THE MONTH): I have a guest artist this issue. Stanley Matis is a character in the Providence based rock and roll movie Complex World. This is a really neat movie, should you be able to locate it in a video store. Anyway, Stanley is this really weird guy who is looking to blow up our local rock and roll club, Lupo's Heartbreak Hotel. The Mekons gave one of the greatest concerts I have ever seen in Lupo's, so.....

``You know what's wrong with you people? You're ignorant.

You don't know anything. But there's hope for you yet.

You're all going to die - someday. Death makes you smart.

You can take a complete idiot and kill him (or her) and

he knows more than the smartest person alive: he knows what death is.

So don't worry. Help is on the way.''

(ERIC CARTMAN - > GM): Oh, and now I'm supposed to believe that the guy playing Poland is named ``Roland". Right!

(BOOB to PESKY CARTMAN): Believe anything you like, this szine is reality.

(UKRAINE - RUSSIA): Haven't heard from you since the first game year. Hope you got my note. Hopefully it is appropriate to welcome you back to Mos.

(BOOB to DAVID): I guess the lines were down or the generals failed to give the order to attack.

(THE PEOPLE to THE PROPHET): O voice of the Desert. O magnificent voice from beyond! Speak to us. Speak O Barno!

(WILLIAM REHNQUIST to U.S. SENATE): ``The Law is the true embodiment of everything that's excellent, it has no kind of fault or flaw, and I, my Lords, embody the law!''

(BOOB to SUPREME COURT WATCHERS): Hey, it's not me, it's Barno. Barno embodies the LAW! Hyork, hyork, hyork!!!

(UKRAINE to GENERAL STATEMENT): Have you tried extrapolating that theorem on two front wars to four front wars? I'm doing some lab work for a thesis on that at the moment!

(BOOB to UKRAINE): Let's ask the all time expert on four front wars....

(FILE ARTICLE #207): It would seem that I was incorrect. Saddam still lives! I was hoping the Egyptians had taken care of the man. Now he begins trouble near Turkish borders. Perhaps it is time again to contact the Americans....

(UKRAINE to GENERAL STATEMENT (II)): I strongly recommend that you give the Colonia game that Jim is offering a try. With powers having colonies, the concept of independent allies becomes almose normal, and one even has the very real possibility of fighting a particular power on one front while working with it on another. I've only played one full game of it and part of another and that has happened to me! ((One last spot is left, first volunteer gets it!))

(BERLIN to KIEV): Our receipt of your threat to ``throw the works to Turkey" if we double-crossed you did the trick: we want to see if you'll follow through with it! It would be so silly to throw dots to the Sultan, necessitating more Ukr removals, when you are standing against invasions from all sides: that is something a snot-nosed kid might threaten, sure, but a decent player? Really?

(LATIN BLACK PRESSER-GM): Utinam barbari spatium proprium tuum invadant! May barbarians invade your personal space!

(BOOB opines): The question is whether barbarians are decent players!!

(ME-THE PERSON TAKING/GIVEN CREDIT FOR THE LATIN IS NOT RESPONSIBLE): It is I who have provided you with foreign quoteds and excerpts from The Prince.

(ARMY PRUSSIA to WARSAW): We don't like Kielbassa, Pierogis' and Blood Soup, anyway. We'll stick to good, wholesome German fare until the Ukrainian chow finds its way to our table!

(ERIC-JIM-BOB): This is one of the rare moments when I did not ``Triple-flip." Woe to Ukraine!

(TURKISH 3RD ARMY to THE UKRAINIAN ARMY IN VOL): In the infamous words of the renown personage of Mike Barno, we scream with all our might: ``Get Dead!!!''

(ERIC-DAVE): Sorry, but there was just too much anti-Ukraine inertia coming from the rest of your neighbors and I was sucked into this maelstrom of the Dark Side. It is a whirlpool of evil. Release the dogs of war!

(THE SULTAN to THE WORLD POWERS): By Allah's Grace we shall overcome! I wish to thank all of the Brave Souls who have joined us in this ``Mother of All Battles''. May Glory find its way to you and your people....

(AMBASSADOR PARTRIDGE to AMBASSADOR POLLACK): Thank you for your kind praise. While the policies of your government left us no choice but to go to war with your nation, we will gladly attest that you have always been an honorable and worthy foe. You are sir a true gentleman. I apologize for the lack of correspondence, it has not been anything personal. I was going to say that I've been no better with my allies, but looking around I'm having trouble finding anyone who qualifies for that label. Hmmm, maybe there's a correlation here? Four on one odds might be a bit long even for the students at our War College! What's that phrase, win the battle and lose the war?

(ROME-KIEV): I still have doubts about how allied my allies will be with me in the future, but I'm a gamblin' man. Hopefully I won't end up getting squeezed between them, but I know you won't shed any tears (and rightfully so) if I do. I think Italy is damned either way but believe that it will be later than sooner.

(P to U OR PU): I am truly sorry. It was the Huns I should have been more wary of and now perhaps I die. I go knowing that I have some friends left on the board. I never go without a fight. ((Looks again, me hearty. You ain't dead yet!!))

(ROME-PARIS): Yes, we are evil. And Paul is the evilest of us all!

(FILE ARTICLE #415): The People of Iran are outraged! A call to arms is immediate. Too many foreign invaders have dared to cross into their nation! It is an ill omen....

(ROME-ANKARA & CAIRO): Okay gentlemen, I've cast my fortunes with the likes of you for better or worse-we shall be nourished and grow strong on the flesh and blood of Ukraine.

(AMBASSADOR ATÄTURK PÖ-LLARD to THE WORLD): It is my intention to simply hold on to as much Turkish territory as possible this year. Buy time and hope that New Alliances, New Coalitions will carry my people through these trying times... I pray that I have done well.

(SPAIN to FRANCE): In Madeliene Albright as Russia I was expecting a war since I am terrible with Russia. I'm better and would have picked Italy over Russia any day so it wasn't a surprise and I resigned after the spring move due to reasons of discussion with Sara and I felt that it was not worth playing with it plus the fact I have no money to keep playing a lost cause which me and Russia is S01 so oh well. My ego is a 0.00 it goes quite well with me self esteem which is abnormally high at the present times.

(OJ SIMPSON to U.S. SENATE): Have Clinton try on Lewinsky's dress. If it doesn't fit, you must acquit.

(SPAIN to BRITAIN): I did notice, but am hoping that you stay north of me please? Is it ok to demilitarize the Mao to keep from any misunderstandings? ((Did you forget that he has a fleet SOUTH of you? Just checking....))

(CHEF - > PLAYERS): Folks, check out the Modern HoF homepage, address listed above! The champ for '98 was a guy named ``Eric Person". Sounds like yet another of Burgess's fake people, doesn't it! Vincent Mous is going to try to organize a Modern game for WDC at Namur. Maybe we'll use air units! :

(FILE ARTICLE #420): Mr. Andruschak! It is with much regret that I must inform you that because of this recent decree, I am forced to extradite you back to my country! There are several young women who have filed complaints against you after your recent visit. I am afraid you will have to participate in several tests which will reveal if indeed you are the father of several unborn children... Forgive me. It is the will of the Sultan....

(ANDRUSCHAK-GM): Another time scramble. Maybe this should be my last game in TAP??? (Other than standby for 3, 2, or 1 dot positions.) ((Well, I certainly hope not!!!)) Or at least my last game until I retire, run out of money, or otherwise have to stay put. Yes, I went on my vacation 17-30 January, and it was wonderful. Windjammer Barefoot Cruises, Inc. really delivers the goods. Yet I wonder if Windjammer can stay in business? They took a huge financial bloodbath with the loss of S/V FANTOME to hurricane Mitch last October, and now the liability lawyers are moving in for the kill. ((Is it not allowed to be insured because a hurricane is an act of God? No business at risk like that would stay uninsured willingly, I wouldn't think. I know Lloyd's of London always used to insure things like that, have their financial problems led this market to collapse?? They should have had both liability insurance AND insurance for the loss of the ship itself.)) And the grieving for the lost crew members of FANTOME cast a deep shadow over the cruise. Two of the female crew members of MANDALAY had fiances on the FANTOME.

Yet the ship I was on, S/V MANDALAY, was packed full with the usual 72 passengers and 28 crew. Windjammer has an astonishing repeat rate. ((The fact that it has a high repeat rate is not the same as an astonishing one. Knowing both people who do this as crew and passengers, I am less than surprised. I would have thought it was even higher!)) Over 60% of its passengers have been on a Windjammer cruise before, and that figure rises to 80% for MANDALAY. No other cruise line has anything like this loyalty, and that loyalty may be what saves Windjammer Barefoot Cruises from the liability lawyers. ((Perhaps, and I certainly hope the business survives, but other types of cruises are an entirely different animal. Sailing ships like Windjammer and Carnival cruise ships share almost nothing as vacation entertainment other than that they both travel on the ocean.)) R.I.P. S/V Fantome, 1927-1998.

(JEFF O'DONNELL to WHOEVER): So, thanks a lot for the explanation of what TAP stands for. So I have just one more question, what does TAP stand for???

(THE BOOB to EVERYONE): To some degree, we are about to find out. We have a difficult one here, and here I go.... I think it stands for fairness, balance, and respect for others.

(JIM-BOB to HARRY): I now see some sense of what the background was on the press you wrote last issue to Jeff. He has a written a detailed response, which I was going to print, but finally decided not to print. I want to state pretty emphatically that I am not at all interested in having abortion debates in the szine, so I first thought about not publishing Jeff's press and then thought I decided that he had a right of response. After I started to type it, I realized that he was getting so detailed that you would not want to abide by my further decision that was not going to permit further responses. Abortion is one of those issues that is so polarizing that it destroys the forum in which it is discussed. I don't intend to have that happen here. I won't print any further discussion by either of you on that subject, though you two are of course free to do whatever you like elsewhere. Remember that us on the coasts sometimes have little idea what society is like elsewhere in our country..... this is why some people call this cultural war as dangerous as the Civil War was in the last century. I hope you understand my position.

(JIM-BOB to JEFF O'DONNELL): I know you won't like my decision not to permit your response to Harry to be published here. It isn't often that I censor press, but I am protecting the szine here. I will fall back on my house rules which require you to abuse the GM to a greater degree than you attack the positions of Harry's. It also requires you to keep things in the spirit of the game and fun. You have not done that, though certainly you are discussing extremely serious issues. You may choose to attack the GM in response to this press item and are free to do so. I will be pleased to print any attacks you have to make on me, as always, as long as you stick to the premise that I don't intend to permit debate on the substance of the issues surrounding abortion rights. I am extremely sympathetic to how difficult the issue of abortion is for all sides (individuals as well as groups) and this type of format is a terrible way to debate them, sure to raise hard feelings, and sure to destroy the forum. Please don't take this action personally, and actually, I thought you put some careful thought into your press. But sometimes you just have to slam the door shut.

(JIM-BOB to ANYONE OFFENDED BY HARRY'S COMMENTS LAST ISSUE): I apologize to you for not catching where this was going sooner. Usually I am more vigilant. I cocked my head at it, but didn't really think about it.


SHOW ME THE MONEY: 1997Mea04, Colonial Diplomacy


Winter 1904

BRITAIN (York): R a ass-BEN; bld a kam; has a KAM, f ADEN, a TAS, a KAR, f RS,

f HK, f SIN, a TIB, f SHI, f AS, a BEN, f NAN, f MAL.

CHINA (Goranson): has a CHU.

FRANCE (Sasseville): bld f ann; has f ANN, a TON, f GOS, f BAN(EC), f SCS,

a CAN, a RAN, a ASS, a U.BUR, f FOR.

HOLLAND (Desper): bld f bor; has f BOR, f TS, f SAR, f JS, f CEBU,

a SUM, f SUN.S, f LS.

JAPAN (Dwyer): bld a kyo; has a KYO, a KYU, a VLA, f UP, f ECS,

a MAC, f OS, f YS, f SOJ, a SEO.

RUSSIA (Williams): bld a omsk; has a OMSK, a PER, a IRK, a TAB, f MED, a ARM,

a MON, f SHA, a BAG, a KAG, a PEK, a SIK, a LAN, f SYR.

TURKEY (Tallman): rem f ara.s; has a EGY, f SUD.

Addresses of the Participants

BRITAIN: Andy York, PO Box 201117, Austin, TX 78720-1117

wandrew of

CHINA: Rich Goranson, 10 Hertel Avenue #208, Buffalo, NY 14207-2532, (716) 876-9374 ($5)

ForlornH of

FRANCE: Roland Sasseville, Jr., 38 Bucklin Street, Pawtucket, RI 02861, (401) 722-4029 ($8)

Djrolandb of

HOLLAND: Rick Desper, Bergheimer Strasse 114, 69115 Heidelberg, GERMANY (E-Mail)

rick_desper of or desper of

JAPAN: Luke Dwyer, Colgate University, Box J 1262, 13 Oak Hill Drive, Hamilton, NY 13346, (315)

228-4625; School Breaks Only: 49 Middlesex Drive, Slingerlands, NY 12159, (518) 439-5796 ($4)

Ldwyer of

RUSSIA: Don Williams, 27505 Artine Drive, Saugus, CA 91350, (805) 297-3947 ($6)

wllmsfmly of

TURKEY: Terry Tallman, 3805 SW Lake Flora Road, Port Orchard, WA 98367, (360) 874-0386 ($0)

ttallman of

GM: Jim-Bob Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327, (401) 351-0287

Game Notes:

1) Thanks for the increased press! I hope there is equivalent movement on the negotiation front!!


(ERIC CARTMAN - > GM): So in this game, Britain is played by a ``son of York". Geez, could you be a little more inventive with your fake names?

(F-WORLD): The French colonial government continues to mourn the passing of the British monarch. We question the judgement of the apparently inbred King Andrew who has became the successor. The diversion of resources to the British front is an unfortunate necessity.

(H - > F): Paranoid?

(F-A): Oh Andy dear, o did you hear the news that's going round... when you take a spot that others had... you must really play it sound. Why did you not even entertain the plans previously made by the English king?

(H - > B): Bummer about the Malayan Mixup, dude!

(F-J): Glad to see you in the electronic age.

(H - > J): Hiya!

(H - > T): Shall we start addressing you as The Egyptian?

(H - > R): Trade positions?

(R-R): I guess our coordination could have been better but it is working out so far. I still insist that my prediction is true. You have not commented on it, so you must still be considering.

(H - > C): Shall we start administering last rites?

(H - > H): Look, you can write reams of material about the ``Trial of the Century" (the second one in the past 5 years) but can't come up with decent press for this game! Lame!

(SKYWALKER-BOOB): Sorry, Jim, I just don't have much to say anymore. ((Well, some of the others do....))

(HOLLAND): The Dutch government would like to regret the lack of good press emanating from its offices in recent days. Since the kids went off to that bike race, we can't even, um, even, finish um,...

(BOOB to SKYWALKER): Then again....

COLUMBUS CHILL: 1993 J, Regular Diplomacy



Spring 1921

AUSTRIA (Davis): a BUD h.

FRANCE (Zarr): a MAR S f spa(nc), a POR S f spa(nc), f SPA(NC) S GERMAN f eng-mid.

GERMANY (Jones): a ber-SIL, f kie-HOL, f bel-PIC, f eng-MID, f lon-ENG, a BUR S FRENCH a mar,

a GAL S a ukr, a MOS-sev, a VIE S a tyo, a BOH S a vie, a MUN S a tyo, a TYO S a vie, a bre-GAS,

a PAR S a bre-gas, a UKR S a gal, f IRI S f eng-mid, f NAO S f eng-mid.

TURKEY (Weiss): a BUL S a rum, f TUS-pie, f BLA S a sev, a RUM S AUSTRIAN a bud,

a VEN-tyo, a TRI S AUSTRIAN a bud, a SER S AUSTRIAN a bud, f GOL S f pie-mar,

a SEV S GERMAN a mos-ukr (nso), f WES-spa(sc), f NAF-mid (to join Humphrey),

f PIE-mar, f ADR S a tri.

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Rick Davis, 1130 Hevrin Cr., Soledad, CA. 93960, (831) 678-2132 days, (831) 678-4470 eve.

redavis914 of

FRANCE: Harold Zarr, 215 Glen Drive, Iowa Falls, IA 50126-1957, (515) 648-2821

GERMANY: Charles Jones, 1722 Quail Circle, Corona, CA 91720-4155, (909) 735-8981

RUSSIA: Eric Schlegel, 314 Fords Lane, Aberdeen, MD 21001, (410) 272-3314

TURKEY: Richard Weiss, 500 Beale St. # 104, San Francisco, CA 94105, (415) 512-7221

rcw of

GM: Jim-Bob Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327, (401) 351-0287

Game Notes:

1) All draws and concessions are still rejected. With summer orders please vote on a concession to Germany, and FG, FGT, GT, and FGTA draw proposals.

2) Note that Rick Davis has changed his address. This is just a bit interesting now. Let's see what happens next, shall we? On to some more great press!!


(GM to PLAYERS): ``A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!!'' Here we go with some world class GM abuse.... keep it comin' guys!!

(GERMANY >> > JIM BOB): I wanted to show Richard that I not only knew what draw lines were but had broken a few on my way south. If I got to type them in, then the least the GM should do is happily and cheerfully type them in also. ((But I categorically REFUSE to admit the existence of stalemate lines. They are a figment of the imagination and I will go to any lengths, yes, any lengths, to destroy them. If you like, I could type them in and THEN ridicule them.)) I answered Richard's press and in fact blew him away with my knowledge of stalemate lines, and superior knowledge of the game in general, and you ruined my wonderful press release. ((I will not perjure myself, nor will I obstruct justice. I fully and completely admit to ruining your wonderful press release.... ummmm, but I guess it wasn't so wonderful.))

Stalemates A to Y

(BOOB to STALEMATE DRAW LINE AFICIONADOS): These fingers will not type out draw lines, but they will tell you where to find them. The enclosed pages (courtesy of Manus Hand's The Diplomatic Pouch) direct anyone with Internet access to MORE than they ever wanted to know about these alleged lines. They disappear just like lines of coke....

(TUR-GER): You are aware, and apparently wrote out some draw lines. Were your opponents ever in one/have access to one? You are fully correct that I blew this game and should have had a solo or a great shot at it. My play is not sour grapes however - only the nectar of the gods grows in TUR or GRE!

If I have been able to make Harold think some and modify his usual style, and even become vengeful, the ``shadow side" of one's personality is okay also. I condone Dip as a game to learn about oneself - the more usual virtuous/self-promoted side and the shadow side also. Harold, you in the 3rd person, hope it was as good for you as for the Germ and the Turkey.

Charles, you've never seen wild press before? You've never seen black press, even in a zine that flaunts it's use? You've never had guest commentators drawn into the game? Hmmm, well, thank you then. Thank you very much.

((All these things are actively encouraged in this szine.))

I've written press for every country and under almost every by line imaginable, including stealing various ones that others have used, and sometimes impersonating someone stealing my bylines. Not that I have multiple personalities or anything. The best part was when Boob didn't remember to edit out the italics, and I appeared to be him. That was hard, though, since he is a Boob!

((Seldom imitated, never topped.))

(OF COMMITTEE MEETING MINUTES): Then it's decided a letter of censure will be sent to Mr. Jim Bob Burgess for his refusing to type the full and complete press in The Abyssinian Prince #213. ((Do both sides of the aisle support this lame suggestion....)) Yes; draw lines are an important aspect of this game and should be graciously typed by GM's around the world! ((Anyone who believes in these lines, is welcome to consult the archived articles on the Diplomatic Pouch web page. No GM in his right mind, who also shares my mind on this issue, would do so, no matter which country they are from....)) Jim is the only GM who has ever refused, in the history of the hobby. ((That's a long time, and a lot of GM's. Would you care to prove this??)) This committee must show its disapproval of Jim's disagreeable behavior, and give him an admonition to change his attitude. We must condemn this type of attitude whenever it creeps into the hobby.

(BOOB): If it gets a belly laugh, it counts.

(TUR-FRA): Harold. I do have limits. I do cross other people's limits. Part of the wonderfulness of the Hasbro game (Jim, did you notice no one even ventured a guess or attempted to win a free year's sub - how do you spell that dude Calamityhammer's name?) is that one can experiment and learn. Easier than in relationships, easier than on the motorcycle, easier than on a seven day fast through the high sierras. And more fun than simply contemplating one's navel on the pathless path.

(BOOB to ALLAN CALHAMER): You know that I, alone, am the keeper of your flame.

(TUR-MIKEY): Bombs away old chap. This game is about to be officially over, and the Toady will have 2 SC's! Too bad that is the only solace I can find in having blown another shot at getting a HOF score!

(TUR-RICK): There is another con coming up in Feb probably - I know it is not grape season or high wine making season, so what will be your excuse this time?

(BOOB to BAY AREA CALIFORNIANS): Any chance of one on the weekend of April 24-25? If so, I can practically guarantee my attendance (well, at least on Saturday night and Sunday) since I am going to a conference the preceding couple of days at Berkeley. Think about it and let me know.

(TUR-BOOB): Again, great game, great gming. I'd vote for the draw but I want to see FRA actually get to be the same size as AUS!!!!

Personal Note to You:

File translated from TEX by TTH, version 1.66.