December 20, 1998

Produced by Jim Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327 USA, (401)351-0287

Accessible through Internet at burgess of; FAX to (401) 277-9904

``I will blow up the world unless you give me ONE......... MILLION dollars!'' Dr. Evil from Austin Powers (see Roland's press below in ``Show Me the Money"). I hereby award the Cinema Trailer of the Year award to.... no, not the new Star Wars movie (wimpy, for losers)..... no, not the new Star Trek movie with the insipid repetition of Data's ``Lock and Load!''.... YES, it is the Trailer for the new Austin Powers movie. In fact, it might be the best Trailer I've seen all decade! Don't miss it, go out and see a movie soon!! I won't ruin it for you.....

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. This issue is late for the usual Christmas season reasons. Like most szine editors I know, I don't really have time to send all of you Christmas cards, so consider this your Christmas bonus. I have gone off on this topic before, so apologies for repetition, but I think I can relate it to our dear President's troubles and put a fresh spin on it.

You know, I find it very interesting that most Americans, in what by all measures is an extremely religious country, are very coy about offering holiday wishes around this time of year. This contrasts severely with the behavior of my Scandinavian and British friends (both inside and outside the hobby - as some of you know, I also co-edit a professional journal whose editorial office is in York and I am also getting an issue of THAT out this week) who are quite free with Merry Christmas wishes. Instead, from most Americans you get that wishy-washy ``happy holidays''. One could say that one was being careful not to offend Jewish or Islamic friends (although Islam also ***could*** celebrate Christmas since Jesus is in their line of special people too), but I know far more Jewish people who more or less celebrate Christmas anyway than I do those who do not and the point of expressing Merry Christmas is to reflect how ***I*** feel about the season anyway.

This schizophrenia seems deeply rooted in the American psyche and seems to me to be related to the witch hunt mentality (that one goes all the way back to Salem and 1692) that comes from these dichotomous positions. Bill Clinton continues to meet his spiritual advisor, carry his Bible to church, and yet he gets caught in this impeachment trap. Avoiding all the semantic issues, one can simultaneously see how Americans can overwhelmingly be opposed to adulterous behavior (well over 90% in opinion polling, which is about as high as societal norms can get), supportive of the President as President (only about 70% but may reach 90% soon at the rate it's going), being believers in God (also at high rates, but I forget what the actual percentages are), AND overwhelmingly choose to offer wishy-washy generic ``happy holiday'' greetings at this time of year.

What is going on? I'm pretty sure that I really don't know, but I will offer one interesting tidbit to ponder, especially to this mostly male group of Diplomacy players. One thing that is driving the young college bred media to push these morality issues is the growing influence of general feminist thinking in younger elements of society - this affects both Ms. Lewinsky's behavior and operating assumptions as well as how the coverage is slanted. [Interestingly, polls of people in their 20's overwhelmingly show that oral sex is not considered sexual relations, as it becomes more and more common in the post-AIDS generation] As more and more traditional ``old boy'' network fun and games at other people's expense is not permitted by society, I believe that more males of the species be searching out activities like this one that are permitted (at least I think Diplomacy game deceptions are not impeachable offenses - perhaps we should convene some Grand Juries to test this out?) by the evolving new societal norms. While I didn't think Clinton should have been impeached, don't think he should be removed from office, and don't think he should resign, I hold to my original prediction that a logical outcome of all of this is that he WILL be forced to resign as the culmination of the establishment of these new modes of behavior. As a society, we need to find new balances that are not paternalistic and I think it will be a very, very difficult search. AND, it will be made far MORE difficult if we continue to be schizophrenic in our thinking and our words and fail to communicate explicitly and directly, NOT avoid the conflict that comes from doing so, and end up with respect for our differences without getting wishy-washy about it.

This is much too speedy an editorial to have any real bite to it, but I hope you enjoyed thinking about it and we'll be back in the New Year with more of this rag. I thank all of you for sticking with me through this year. I dedicate this last issue of the year to one of my fellow publishers who seems to be in a spot of trouble lately - at least as far as continuing to be an active part of the fraternity - Doug Kent. I ESPECIALLY wish Doug a Merry Christmas and a Happier New Year and further wish that all of his players give him the respect he is due in their patience as he tries to deal with the various upheavals he's had to face this year. I honestly don't know which of the ones he has talked about in his szine (or others) have led us to miss hearing from him these last few months, but I hope to hear from him soon.

Lastly, linking back to my thoughts on the Brits where this all started... as most of you know, I get most of my non-print media news from the BBC World Service which I usually listen to when driving in to work in the mornings. As opposed to the US media which appears to have even more biases, but pretends they don't, the BBC has this absolutely wacky way of incorporating personal biases into stories. This one is from a couple of months ago, but I think it is relevant. Robin Lustig (one of their anchors, male of course) was doing a story on the researchers who have been studying how female rats (I think that's what they were studying) that are pregnant have these massive changes go on in their brains that dramatically increases their cognitive abilities. So he calls in one of his female reporters, Ruth Linton, who recently returned from pregnancy leave and conducts this serious toned interview that had me rolling on the floor of my car and nearly caused me to have to pull over. First he asked her something like: ``OK, Ruth, when you were pregnant did your cognitive abilities increase?''

She responded something like, ``Heavens, no, my brain turned to absolute mush! I can tell you for sure that there were lots of changes going on, but I didn't feel any smarter, I felt a whole lot dumber!''

Robin: ``But you could have been expanding your brain to learn other new things?''

Ruth: ``Well, yes, I suppose so. There was just so many new things I had to adjust to, it certainly made me better able to roll with the punches.''

Robin: ``And what about after the birth, did your brain still feel like mush?''

Ruth: ``I had to get my act together and come back to work in THIS crazy place! The BBC didn't cut me much slack and I had to get right back into the fray, which is very different from taking care of babies.''

Robin: ``Right, well that's about all the time we have for that right now. I guess we can say that something biochemical goes on in human brains during pregnancy as well. Thank you, Ruth.....''

This direct irreverence both makes the news more fun and more real. I dare say that if American news announcers were a little bit better at being more honest in their feelings and direct about their biases, we'd be a whole lot better off. On to the szine....


The postal sub price is a flat $1.00 per issue in the US and Canada, a bargain at twice the price.... but you can double that for other foreign subbers (or $2.00 per issue sent airmail). Players in current games and standbys will continue to get the issues for free, and new game starts (except for Nuclear Yuppie Evil Empire Diplomacy, which is free) cost $15.00 ($10.00 for a life of the game subscription and $5 for the NMR Insurance). I am going to defer rate increases for the moment, but only until the current series of game starts is completed. Remember that music comments and reviews are scattered through the game press at times. These prices are due to increase in the near future so take advantage of them now.

One advantage of being approximately a four ounce szine most of the time is that the new postal rates taking effect shortly actually result in a postage DECREASE for this weight from $1.01 to $0.99. This is really good from a number of perspectives. As some of you are aware, the current dollar stamp that the USPS is selling is one of the worst stamps they have ever sold. You pretty much need your OWN glue to keep them on an envelope. With the new rate, the dollar stamp will become irrelevant to me. Also, of course, it is slightly cheaper... not to be laughed at. Finally, since they won't come out with a 99 cent stamp real soon, the USPS desk workers will have more pity on me and run more szines through the meter (they only are supposed to do it for groups of less than 10 letters, but when faced with messy stamp sales, they break down easily).

Check out the connections in the Diplomatic Pouch with all of the information you need to play Diplomacy on the Internet at:

Through Stephen Agar's (having recently taken this over from Jamie McQuinn) Postal portion of the Pouch:

the szine resides in html format. Presently, issues from #190 to the current issue are there, and I will be updating the back issues gradually in the near future.

The most recent issue also can be accessed through David Wang's and Pete Sullivan's web pages:

1) David has grabbed and reserved the HIGHLY prized name:!! His ``version'' of this szine is somewhat more html.friendly than the one I created, so please check it out. David Wang's site also allows you to follow John Caruso's postal baseball league that I am in.

2) Pete Sullivan's subszine can be found at:

By electronic mail, through the Internet, subs are free and can be obtained automatically by sending the message: subscribe tap

to majordomo of and messages can be sent to the entire electronic mailing list by mailing them to tap of which will forward your message to all of the people currently on the list. The message:

unsubscribe tap

sent to majordomo of gets you off the list. Please make careful note of that as well since you generally can get yourself off the list a lot easier than I can, and NOBODY likes to see unsubscribe messages sent to the entire list. A big, big thank you for David Kovar for setting this all up!!


This is now going to be a regular continuing feature of the szine and I will be introducing a new ``search for'' every five issues. Moreover, you can win a $25 prize for finding some previous target who went unfound in the original $50 period. That means that if Kevin Tighe or Garret Schenck or Jerry Lucas or Dan Stafford is ``found'' from now on it is worth $25. Plus, Steve Emmert will throw in another ten spot for Garret Schenck if you can get Garret to write to him.

Winners will receive credit for Dip hobby activities that I will pay out as requested by the winner. Bid on PDORA items, subscribe to szines here or abroad, run your own contests, publish a szine, or whatever. Spend it all right away or use me as a bank to cover hobby activities for years. What must you do to win? Get me a letter to the editor for TAP from the person we're searching for. This is very important, just finding them doesn't do it. They have to write me a letter. The final judge as to the winner of any contest will be the target himself and I reserve the right to investigate the winning entry. When you find someone I'm looking for, you should ask him to send me a letter for print that includes a verification of who ``found'' him.


The British representative is the editor of Mission From God, John Harrington. John may be contacted at 1 Churchbury Close, Enfield, Middlesex EN1 3UW, UK (johnh of or JHarrington of The representives in Australia (John Cain, PO Box 4317, Melbourne University 3052, AUSTRALIA) or Belgium and some other European countries (Jef Bryant, Rue Jean Pauly, 121, B-4430 ANS, BELGIUM) also will forward your subscription on to the editor in either Australian dollars or continental European currencies respectively. Please include the full name and address of the foreign publisher with your order, if possible, as well as the szine title. Make your check in US dollars out to me personally. I will conduct business for Canadians as well, if I can, but prefer to deal in US dollars with them if possible, or Canadian dollars cash. To subscribe to American szines, the system works in reverse.

DIPDOM NEWS SECTION (with letters)

Obscure and not-so-obscure ramblings on the state of the hobby and its publications, custodians, events, and individuals with no guarantee of relevance from the fertile keyboard of Jim-Bob, the E-Mail Dip world, and the rest of the postal hobby. My comments are in italics and ((double quotation marks)) like this. Bold face is used to set off each individual speaker. I should also make a note that I do edit for syntax and spelling on occasion.

A discussion is taking place that will address what stance we (the hobby) should take (proactive in some way for sure) toward Hasbro, the new owners of the rights to Diplomacy. If you want to be part of the discussion, send the MESSAGE:

subscribe hasbro

to majordomo of, it works just like the tap mailing list described below. Sending messages to hasbro of sends the mail to the whole list.

The game Diplomacy is a copyrighted product owned by Hasbro and all reproductions or other use of that material in this szine is intended to be personal use and not infringe on those rights in any way. All reproductions are done at a heavy financial loss to the editor and thus are without the remotest possibility of commercial intent, except to promote THE game, the Game of Diplomacy, which you all should purchase from Hasbro or other duly licensed distributors.

Mark Lew (Fri, 11 Dec 1998 11:46:43 -0800)

Jim-Bob, I don't know if your list of Dipcom old farts includes any that go back to the '70s, but if so, some of them may remember Scott Marley, one-time pubber of Utopia Ltd and currently resident dramaturge at Berkeley Opera. If so, they may be interested to know that yesterday morning Scott underwent an operation in which a large but benign tumor was removed from his brain. The operation was successful, and Scott seems fine, but we're still waiting to see how his recovery proceeds.

I'm on the bulk e-mailing list for news, so if anyone's interested I can forward past messages and get them signed up for future updates.

mdl, markdlew of

((Thanks, Mark, if they are anywhere, of course, they are here. I have the biggest collection of hobby old farts around. I just barely remember Scott Marley myself, but if others want to get back to Mark, there's his E-Mail address!))

Mike Barno (Sat, 28 Nov 1998 15:53:23 -0500)

I just set ``subscribe tap" today (Sat afternoon); will I get the distribution or was I too late? Presumably I now qualify for player-level (maybe even ``alphabetical" or ``newest-game") priority of mailed copies, groovy. ((I think you saw it, and yes, you are now on the A-List for mailing!))

No ish 211 on-line yet. But if you ran to the post office with completed szines for us, all is good. (Well, I want the Australian player to have a fair chance and e-mail timely results help.)

Your loyal acolytes love you, Jim, please don't EVER stop pubbing! No other (s)zine could contain your, hm, serendipity. Look what happened when mister Tallman tried to run a game and you turned your press machine loose. You blew him up in the first two gameyears! How's the hobby ever gonna thrive if you keep exploding startup zines?

Mike, mpbarno of

((I don't know. I think we're now blowing up Pete's comeback. The next issue of his subszine is supposed to be going in the mail soon and will appear in the next issue here. Next issue, as a result, should be another monster.))


It also is time to ask for your ``best of 1998'' lists. Give it to me anyway you want to - a top 10, a couple of favorites, a list, an essay, whatever - the classic is to tell me your top singles, top albums, and best concerts of the year, but you are the boss. Don't wait too long though because I want to move into the party tape issues pretty quickly. I plan to have my list in next time.

This section is developing a list of the great party singles of the century. You'll get a definite sense of quirky before we're done. You'll also get a sense of timelessness. I'll assume that I'll also get some comments from some of you. I'm going to set a slate of only 10 - that's just ONE more from what is below and then DEMAND votes from you out there to fill the rest of the slots. The Bullpen voting system I am envisioning will work like this: you each get ten votes which you can allocate across as few as two songs (5 votes apiece) or as many as ten songs (1 vote for each). You can allocate your ten votes any way you want, but you can't put any more than five votes on any one song. I'll start the voting at the beginning of 1999, THE LIST CLOSES NEXT ISSUE. Write-ins will be permitted, but are unlikely to win. I know I have lost some suggestions that aren't in the bullpen lists below, so feel free to mention 'em again!

We'll end up with a monster party tape at the end of it that I plan to segue and sequence and copy for distribution. The result will be a great New Millenium party tape. I've also been thinking that I should put this out on CD as truly emblematic of the new millenium. I don't have the capability to do that quite yet, but I think I might by then. Any suggestions (or especially volunteers) on this front will be cheerfully accepted and could receive monetary payments!

So far, we have ``I Melt With You'' by Modern English; George Gershwin's ``I got Plenty O' Nuttin' '' from Porgy and Bess in the 1957 concert recording with Ella Fitzgerald finishing off the vocals after Louis Armstrong blows and sings through the tune; Duke Ellington performing Billy Strayhorn's ``Take the A Train''; Frank Sinatra's ``New York, New York''; something from the B-52's; the original Van Morrison and Them version of ``Gloria''; The (English) Beat's 12 inch version of ``Save It for Later'' ratchets things up to the next level (wherever you put it!); Buster Poindexter's ``Hot, Hot, Hot'' keeps you there; ``Atomic Dog'' by George Clinton blows the doors off, and Koko Taylor cleans up singing Willie Dixon's ``Wang Dang Doodle''.

The ``bullpen'' is the list of suggestions that people make that I haven't decided whether or not to include yet. Comments on the bullpen are, of course, actively encouraged. I also am ``working'' on some ideas Mark Luedi tossed out recently. I liked Mark's ``criteria addition" that: ``One of my own criteria for truly great songs is that it can sound as good or better distorted as not, whether on account of poor signal, bad speakers, tape deterioration, car noise.''

EXTRA SPECIAL B-52'S BULLPEN: ``Give Me Back My Man" or ``Rock Lobster" or ``Planet Claire'' or ``Love Shack'' or ``Dance This Mess Around" or ``Private Idaho''.

BULLPEN: ``Rocking the Casbah'' - The Clash; ``Dancing With Myself'' - Billy Idol's Gen X; ``Walk This Way'' - Run-DMC; Prince - ``1999"; ``Fire on the Mountain'' or ``Cumberland Blues'' - the Grateful Dead; Devo - ``Whip It"; ``Shake, Rattle, and Roll'' - Big Joe Turner; B Movie - ``Nowhere Girl"; ``Roadrunner'' - Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers; Strunz and Farrah - ``Americas''; Clarence ``Gatemouth'' Brown - ``Up Jumped the Devil''; David Bowie - ``Fame''; ``party at ground zero'' by fishbone; ``Tweedle Dee'' by Lavern Baker; ``Been Caught Stealing'' - Jane's Addiction; ``Hard to Handle'' - Black Crowes; ``Birth-day'' - Suzanne Vega; Doors - ``Road House Blues"; Cure - ``In between days"; Lou Reed - ``Sweet Jane''; Little Richard - ``Rock Island Line''; Bangles - ``Hazy Shade of Winter"; Violent Femmes - ``Blister in the Sun"; Go-Go's - ``Our Lips are Sealed"; Peter Frampton - ``Do you feel like we do"; Led Zeppelin - ``Hey, Hey what can I do"; Three Dog Night - ``Shambala"; ``Party Train'' - Gap Band; ``Proud Mary'' - Ike and Tina Turner; Concrete Blonde - ``Still in Hollywood"; ``Magic Mountain" - the Animals; ``The Pusher" and ``Magic Carpet Ride" - Steppenwolf; ``Revolution" - the Beatles; ``Pass the Dutchie" - Peter Tosh; ``Shake, Rattle, & Roll" - Big Joe Turner; ``Locomotion" - Little Eva; ``Want Ad Blues" - John Lee Hooker; ``Jambalaya" - Hank Williams; ``Give the Dog a Bone" - AC/DC; ``Party at Ground Zero" - Fishbone; ``I Feel Good" - James Brown; ``In the Mood" - Glenn Miller; ``Mannish Boy" - Muddy Waters; ``Chain of Fools" - Aretha Franklin; ``Twistin the Night Away" - Sam Cooke; ``Twist & Shout" - Beatles; ``What I Like About You" - Romantics; ``And We Danced" - Hooters; ``I Wanna Be Sedated" - Ramones; ``Train In Vain'' - The Clash; Nirvana - ``Smells Like Team Spirit"; Erasure - ``River Deep, Mountain High"; Squeeze - ``If I Didn't Love You"; Public Enemy - ``Bring Tha Noize (w/Anthrax)".

SPECIAL GEORGE CLINTON BULLPEN: Prince - ``Bob & George"; ``I Just Wanna Testify'', ``Let's Take It to the Stage'', ``The Pinocchio Theory'', and ``Flash Light''.

SPECIAL MILLENNIUM BULLPEN: ``1999'' - Prince; ``Disco 2000'' - Pulp.

SPECIAL ROLLING STONES BULLPEN: ``Satisfaction", ``Paint It Black", ``Jumpin' Jack Flash", ``Get Off of My Cloud'', ``Sympathy for the Devil''.

SPECIAL TALKING HEADS BULLPEN: ``The Great Curve'', ``Take me to the River", ``Life During Wartime'', the entire Speaking in Tongues record.

SPECIAL ALPHABET SONG BULLPEN: ``YMCA" - Village People; ``MTA" - Kingston Trio.

SPECIAL DRUG MUSIC BULLPEN: ``Cocaine'' - Eric Clapton's version; ``Casey Jones'' - the Grateful Dead; ``Red, Red Wine'' - UB40; The Toys - ``Smoke Two Joints''; ``Panama Red'' - New Riders; ``Smoke, Smoke, Smoke (That Cigarette)'' - Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen; and ``I'm an Okie from Muskogee'' - Merle Haggard; ``Legalize It'' - Peter Tosh; ``Heroin'' - Lou Reed and Velvet Underground; ``Easy Skanking" - Bob Marley; ``The Drugs Don't Work" - The Verve; ``Old Red Eyes is Back" - Beautiful South; ``Don't Bogart that Joint'' - Fraternity of Man; ``Hemp, for Victory''.

First up are two letters that I have been sitting on for awhile. I just haven't had the time to squeeze them in.

Stan Johnson (sometime in October?)

Jim, When you say ``explain that one'' in regards to ``Tweediee Dee''; I'm not quite sure what you mean. ((It means that you have actually come up with a song, that might be a great song, but I am totally unfamiliar with it. Any ideas where I can find it on CD? - I just went to hunt, it was released in the late '50's and is available on CD re-release and the song actually is ``Tweedle Dee'' - hmmm, sounds intriguing.)) I think it's a great party song, because it makes you want to get up and dance or at least boogie around the room. It has a sort of Brazilian sound and in my opinion was way before its time. It was released I believe in mid-60's and is not very well known. Lavern Baker also did ``Jimmie Mack'' and a couple other hits. ((Yes, I'm familiar with those, but not with this song.)) She left States and ran a club in the Philippines in 70's and maybe late 60's. She died a few years back, when I heard of her death I called a local ``classic rock station'' and they had never heard of her. With your seemingly extremely wide range of musical knowledge, I assumed you had. ((No, you hit a hole. That's why I wanted you to comment more.))

Another great party song is ``Rock Island Line'' by Little Richard, because of tremendous energy of song. I defy anyone to sit still through it. Also for Drug Bullpen I nominate ``Don't Bogart that Joint'' and ``Hemp, for Victory''. Not sure who wrote them, but I'm sure you know. The first one was in Easy Rider, second was theme song of local cable access show of same name that was in favor of legalization, but was written in the 40's and used by the Government to encourage farmers to grow hemp for the war effort. ((You are doing really well at exposing holes in my knowledge. I've never heard the story about the Hemp song. I believe the Easy Rider song was by the Fraternity of Man, but I'm not sure. Anyone want to comment on that? I actually didn't like that touchstone movie all that much, that's from my wife's generation.))

I have alwyas heard casualty figures for the Civil War were 330,000 Union and 310,000 Confederate, and almost every source I've seen says over 600,000 were killed.

I disagree with Jack McHugh about Grant's willingness to fight a war of attrition. While Grant was willing to pay the price he had to, his main tactic was maneuver. His Vicksburg campaign is one good example and his attempts to get around Lee's flank is another. He only made one bad attack and that was at Cold Harbor; his mistake there was relying on his Corps Commanders; The Union army had a very extended line at the time and he expected the Corps and Division Commanders to be more familiar with the situation they faced than he was. He gave the order that the whole Confederate line was to be hit at one time (to prevent Confed. from shifting troops to meet an attack) and hoped to find the weak point and break through. However, rather than carefully planning their own attacks most of those Bozos took lack of specific orders to just go straight ahead without any planning. But, unlike Lee, Grant learned from the mistake and never did it again. Grant never made attacks that were as stupid as Lee's at Gaines Mill ((Yeah, that one is not always recognized, but yeah.)) and Gettysburg or Hood's at Franklin (or several of the battles around Atlanta). Grant's attacks in '64 were necessarily to beat Confeds and the fact that he attacked but did not suffer significantly more losses than Confeds, show how well conducted they were.


Pete Duxon (27/10/98)

Dear Boob, Just when you thought it was safe to read your mail, I'm back. ((And then I held it so long.... you must have REALLY wondered!)) Sorry for the silence. ((Sorry for the delay in printing this.)) I find letter writing easiest when I'm having to do a lot of diplomacy.

So what's happened since I last popped my head above the parapet? I'm sure something's happened? Oh yeah, your president's been making himself look silly again.

Now forgive me, but I found it amusing whilst on holiday reading the extracts in the paper. I didn't find it amusing that while the world's financial markets collapsed the US did nothing. ((Hey, they're back OK now, why were you worried?)) However whatever my politics (slightly left of centre on some issues, slightly right on others) I can't see how Clinton can survive. ((We don't have a parliamentary democracy, so he CAN survive, but WILL he survive. You are looking at it with that parliamentary thinking in your head.)) To me I can't see how you can have a situation where Clinton can get away with perjury when say, Jim Burgess would get sent down. Am I being too simplistic? ((Well, yes, I think so. The impeachment charge is charging him with lying to a Grand Jury asking him about affairs that some people believe they had no right to ask him about. Isn't it sort of entrapping behavior when you drag someone in and ask them embarassing questions for no other reason than to embarass them?))

It's sad because from the outside Clinton seems to have done a decent job. He appears to have managed the economy a damn sight better than Reagan and Bush. I suppose though as much as I think he should go, I kind of hope he hangs on just to piss the American right off.

I've never understood the relationship religion has with the rest of American society. ((Ditto, see more of my musings on the subject above. I have written about that a lot this year, haven't I?)) I suppose its the thing about Northern Ireland the English have never understood. Quite often you will hear some Irish American (sniffed Guinness once) refer to English oppression, but we English are the least hung up about the subject in the UK. I suppose that's what having a state religion does for you. ((That's part of it...))

I think I may have already said this to both Brent McKee and Robert Lesco, but there was an amusing letter in Private Eye after the US airstrikes in Afghanistan. Since the US felt it right to strike at countries harbouring supporters of terrorists, the letter said, Bill would lend Tony a cruise missile or two to bomb an Irish club in Chicago, Boston, or New York - well, I thought it funny.

I was very disappointed by your comments on Mark McGuire. As I understand he freely admits to taking substances that would have him banned in Basketball, Ice Hockey, or that funny form of Rugby you play. ((Hey, you said it yourself, those are different sports. I said it and I meant it. Baseball is not strictly a muscle sport. And moreover, it ISN'T banned in baseball. That's the point. That's like saying you can't touch the ball with your hands in YOUR football game so clearly it is wrong to pick up the ball and throw it in ours. Different sports, different rules. There is no absolute line as to what is a performance enhancing substance and what is not. With fuzzy lines and fuzzy enforcement there will never be a clear understanding of ``clean'' performance.)) I suppose it's an example to set American youth, but not one I hold to. And just to amaze you with my knowledge of US sport, Yankees winning the World Series 4-0 was a turn up wasn't it? ((Nah, not really, if I understand your slang. It would almost have been a surprise if the Padres beat them one, much as I hate the Yankees as a fan and dearly wished for it.))

Voyager may indeed be the lamest Star Trek ever, but is that saying much? I admit Deep Space Nine is improving, but the whole thing is as nothing to Babylon 5, which must be the best SF on TV. To be honest, I've never understood Star Trek's appeal (it is enjoyable enough I'll give you).

Steve Emmert is of course correct. You do us a tremendous cultural debt (Octopus' Garden) and no Teletubbies doesn't let you off. Jerry Springer, Montel, Oprah, Ricki Lake, need I go on? ((Oh, possibly, I don't even watch ``good TV'' let alone that stuff, so I suspect you've seen more of it than I have. The only thing I've seen of Oprah in years was her movie Beloved. So, what's your point??)) Curiously, I heard an interview on the radio with a Norwegian who was going to set up a crocodile farm. He was asked if he had ever eaten crocodile himself? ``Yes,'' he replied, ``in America.'' ``What did it taste like?'' ``Well, it tasted the same as any other American food.''

It probably says something, but whereas the US hobby has been dominated by the Hasbro thingy it's been ignored over here. It's not even been reported.

I haven't been buying many CD's lately but those I have bought have been excellent. I was playing the new Suzanne Vega recently, which was excellent. I also picked up a CD by a folk/blues singer called Eva Cassidy which was good.

Anyway, I hope this finds you well.

Cheers, Pete, 3 Bentley Drive

PS Been eliminated from that Dip game yet?

((Hyork, hyork, hyork! It isn't in this issue, since I don't have the final results yet, but I got another build, I'm up to FIVE units and right in the game. Hah! Read 'em and weep!))

Scott Morris (Wed, 7 Oct 1998 15:46:33 EDT)

Big Jim Burgess, Greetings and salutations!! OOO LA LA! Thanks for the plug about The Flat Earth Society. We are moving along quite nicely. As always we are in awe of your staying power and classy zine! YOU SIR! ARE DA MAN! < grovel....grovel > :) I have to be extra, nice you promised me a refund since we are now trading!!!

BUT WAIT!!! - since I have now wrapped up all my other games but one, I am free to play another one. Why don't you keep the subscription refund and apply it to your next Diplomacy game. If it is short let me know how much I owe! ((Ummm, yeah, by now of course you are in, but I misplaced this letter for a while. Am I still DA MAN??))

Got something for your music section. I rarely buy new music these days. I have so much old music I don't even have time for that. I think once you start having kids your new music urge dies a sudden death and new stuff sounds sub par. I don't know how to explain it, just that the stuff you listened to in the past always sounds way cooler and better.

That is not the case with this new CD. I bought Liz Phair Whitechocolatespaceegg and found it to be superior. I read about it in the paper and the writer was gushing over this girl saying this album was on par with the Beatles albums and she was the best thing since sliced bread. Well, I had to see if the reviewer was insane to compare this young lass to the hallowed Beatles. ((I like the cover, but I haven't bought it yet....))

Turns out he was right.

All 16 tracks are quite impressive and fun to listen too. My personal favorite is track #4 ``Polyester Bride" She has an unusual voice and great lyrics.

Take Care, Scott, ScottM221 of

Scott Morris (Wed, 9 Dec 1998 17:42:06 EST)


Please allow me to ramble about the last issue. I have some time to kill today! :)

You write ``All things considered, I check my mail A LOT, but spend very little time on the Internet. That's the way to do it in my eyes"

I agree wholeheartedly. I check my mail with a zeal that sometimes suprises me. I go into withdrawal every few hours. Fortunately for me my profession has lots of down time. If I had all the time left over that I spend on my email I could have catalogged half the net by now.

Also I have a solution for Keith Sherwood's problems about Lotteries. He is looking at the problem all wrong. Pay the bill Keith! Don't look at it as throwing your money away on a nearly impossible ``hit" in the lottery. Consider for a moment what would happen if you just politely give your dollar to your co-worker right out of the gate! You save yourself the frustration and sarcasm of their inferior math skills. You don't have to get upset and they are gone in about 15 seconds. Is that not worth the equivilant of a cup of coffee? I would gladly pay a buck to make some people go away. Plus in some alternative universe your ``insanely lucky self" actually does hit the lottery and cashes in.

It is a lot like Diplomacy if you ask me. You give up a small concession to acquire a sizable gain. In this case you lose one hundred pennies and gain peace. Not to mention your co-workers may stop stealing your soda's out of the fridge.

And my final comment is to send a big fat ``WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!" to my good chum Warren Goesle who proffered ``Memories" from the Cats soundtrack for the Millennium tape. AWWWKK! I would gladly pay a buck to have that not on the tape. However you redeemed yourself with ``Roll With the Changes" by REO Speedwagon. Their best tune by far. ((I actually deep sixed both from the Bullpen. You really think I can put an REO Speedwagon tune up against the great songs there?? Really?? If you guys insist, I will, but not willingly....))

I don't know your opinion of Green Day but I think ``Paradise" is a nifty thrashy tune. ((I generally can't stand Green Day, but I agree with you, ``Paradise'' IS a nifty tune.))

I leave you today with a quote from Woody Allen. ``If only God would give me a sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank"

-Scott, ScottM221 of

((Ah, but who cares about money.... ummm, did the economist really say that?? Anyway, here's another slightly off kilter fun guy who hasn't gotten the best from me, and whose letter also was lost for awhile, Tim Lurz:))

Tim Lurz (Thu, 11 Sep 1997 10:07:23)

Dear Jim, Thanks for issue #207. I have some dosh in the mail for you. ((I still haven't gotten it!!)) I'm afraid that I can't play in any games now as real life stuff is taking up all my free time. A few comments:

I would have taken your bit concerning great party singles seriously but I didn't see any Violent Femmes or Velvet Underground on the list < grin > ! A party without..``day after day, I get angry and I say..." or Lou Reed belting out ``Sweet Jane" is not really a party but perhaps only a tea and crumpet type get-together. ((Ummm, they are there... any more suggestions?))

Three additions for Richard's Weiss drug bullpen. ``Heroin", by Lou Reed and the Velvet Underground. ``Easy Skanking", by Bob Marley, and Tina's little ditty about chemically enhanced bits of paper off the album, ``Tommy".

Read with interest about Hasbro's acquisition of AH. I think it might turn out to be a good thing. From my dealings with AH, I have come to the conclusion that they were a bunch of incompetent wanks who couldn't pour piss from a shoe. I don't think that Hasbro will shake things up too much.

I have always wondered why didn't AH aggressively expand into other markets. Example: A company cannot just dump a product into the Asian market. One needs to have the rules translated into the native language and hire some guy to go around and promote/teach the stuff. Make an educational version of Diplomacy. Make it an ESL tool. On another note...want to become rich? Get the distribution rights to D&D in Asia. Oh baby, with a little bit of fire in your belly and a hot translator, that's money in the bank.

That's about it. Thanks for everything.

Tim, mivior of

Mark Stretch (Wed, 16 Dec 1998 17:15:01)

Thanks for issue 211. What on earth is Keith Sherwood going on about. In the scenario he gives, of course it is advisable to switch, as you will then stand 2/3 chance of winning a prize as opposed to 1/3 if you stick. For an explanation think about it logically. The chance of winning when you stick is one in three. Revealing one curtain tells you nothing, since you already know that there is at least one donkey behind there. Switching will win whenever sticking doesn't - i.e. Two thirds of the time. Oh and re lotteries etc, try looking into utility theory a bit more to understand it. Not that I do the lottery either...

Great party singles of the century. Of the ones you suggest, Love Shack must be the best. Two songs I'd suggest as certainties to boogie on down to on 31/12/99 must be ``1999'' by Prince & ``Disco 2000'' by Pulp. Somehow appropriate, don't you think?

Oh, and for your themed ideas:- DRUG MUSIC:- ``The Drugs Don't Work" - The Verve, ``Old Red Eyes is Back" - Beautiful South.

Hope you are keeping well.

Best Wishes, Mark, mstretch of

Rick Desper (Sun, 13 Dec 1998 21:13:37)

Some thoughts, which you may or may not wish to publish:

Hmm...Henry Hyde is saying that if Clinton steps down, he'll be spared the embarrasment of an impeachment. According to Reuters, resignation ``could really be heroic".

Yeah, just like the Republicans thought Nixon was a hero.

The sad truth is that there isn't a judicial court in the country which wouldn't throw out the charges in this case for lack of evidence. We have a charge that Clinton arranged for the job to pay for a cover-up. The only major character who thought of that was Linda Tripp, who encouraged Lewinsky to do so while she was secretly creating a tape for Ken Starr.

In a real court, the tape would be illegal. The fact that Tripp suggested it would make it entrapment. The fact that Lewinsky is an admitted liar would be considered grounds to ignore her testimony (even if she hadn't been testifying that there was no such deal.)

The charges made against Clinton sound very important when made in grand terms, but when you try to pin down exactly what they mean, it's rather confusing. OK, you say Clinton lied, when, and where? How were these lies perjury? Most of the statements are ambiguous or of the ``I don't recall" type. Hell, the entire Reagan cabinet ``didn't recall" sending weapons to Iran!


Q: Were you ever alone with Monica Lewinsky in the Oval Office?

A: I don't recall such a occasion; or

Q: Were you ever alone with Monica Lewinsky in any room in the White House?

A: I don't recall..(etc.)

Not direct quotes but close. For practiced liars like Diplomacy players, do we see the hole that Clinton jumped through? The affair took place in a hallway outside his office. Not the Oval Office itself. And, if you think about it, a hallway is not a room. Or at least there's enough there to jump through. ((Yeah, but this is ALL about politics, and not at all about the law - though I do agree with you completely.))

The CNN coverage of the whole story is sensationalistic, short-sighted, and disingenuous. After the election, the CNN ``experts" doubted that charges would make it past the Judiciary committee. Now just which Republicans did they think would vote against impeachments? The House Republicans have yet to show that they care more about legal standards than trying to embarrass and weaken the President. Their desire to step up the pace of things coincides neatly with their imminent loss of 5 seats in the House. Constitutionally, the idea of a lame-duck Congress voting to impeach looks pathetic. It will look especially so if their margin to impeach is less than 5 votes.

It looks like the House will actually vote to impeach, which will lead to a lot of wasted time for the Congress, the President, and even the Chief Justice. Nobody actually believes impeachment will get Democratic votes in the Senate.

The Republicans don't quite seem to have the hang of how to behave as a legislative party. They were the minority party for a very long time. As a minority party, they developed an attitude of behaving like pit bulls. It was the only way to avoid being railroaded. But as a majority party, their only accomplishment thus far is to do nothing. They will provide us with a interesting Constitutional lesson. I think some good will come of that. But I wouldn't be surprised to see them lose more seats in Congress next time.

With the 2000 census, we will see a new redistricting of Congress. Hopefully this will mean that many of the ridiculously drawn districts created in the 90s will go away. For those of you not paying attention, the Republicans and the Black Democrats joined forces to make districts in many Southern states to guarantee that Blacks would have greater membership in Congress. However, they did so by creating districts which were overwhelmingly Democrat. Many other districts were adjusted from a Democrat majority to a Republican majority at the same time. The whole process had a dubious Constitutional foundation. But, come to think of it, I think the process is largely controlled by Governors, who are dominated by Republicans these days.

It's interesting some times who far the country is from a true democracy. Mind you, I don't really want a true democracy, since mob rule is not a great thing. But when 63% of the public wants no impeachment, and it happens anyway, it is cause for worry.

Well, if you don't want anything about this stuff in the 'zine, I understand.

If that's the case, I have to say the following: were I not a Red Sox fan, I would have to laugh at how incompetent and petty their front office is.

As a Connecticut resident, I'm a bit dismayed at how much money my state is looking to pay for the Pats. I thought Rowland was for small government and tax cuts? I guess that's not true when it comes to financing a project which will give him a real NFL team and luxury boxes where he can show off and rake in political contributions. Well, Connecticut is the Fat Cat state, so it's really not surprising. I tell the Germans I'm from the richest state in the richest country in the world. I don't think it really impresses them.

And then there's the NBA. NBA action. It's fantastic.

Rick Desper, Bergheimer Strasse 114, 69115 Heidelberg, GERMANY

((Yeah, but I'm just glad Connecticut bought the Patriots and not Rhode Island. I wasn't at all looking forward to a football stadium in my neighborhood, let alone the tax payments. But, don't worry, it's not the general taxpayers of Connecticut that are paying for the Patriots, it is the soft underbelly of the Foxwoods and Mohegan Sun casino patrons (mostly from New York and New England) who are paying for it. Connecticut is benefitting from their early play into casinos.... don't get me started on that one, another societal waste. Government has an obligation to protect its people from gambling excesses, not actively promoting them.))

Steve Emmert (Thu, 05 Nov 1998 09:32:55 -0500)

Dear Jim - Thanks for your note. On the NBA, you may recall what I wrote in this space last year: I believe all the selfish, juvenile, overpaid hyperthyroid cases in the league should be taxed at 95%, and the money should be given to the only athletes who deserve that kind of money - the hockey goalies. ((Amen, brother! It is a sad, sad sight to see Brother Ricky's Travelling Salvation Show resort to making TV commercials to keep busy while the Celtics aren't playing. Ricky P. is the only one who deserves all that money, not the useless pampered athletes. Meanwhile, of course, college basketball is still more fun than not. Our local teams, PC and URI have great stories and both should soar in the rankings as the year goes on - URI to do real damage and PC to be an NCAA bubble team. PC has no height (a 6'6" center), great defense (two guards each getting almost five steals a game), and a great player (Jamel Thomas). URI has one of the best freshmen in the country (Lamar Odom - who really is a ``decent guy'' believe it or not) and almost no guards and great inside rebounding and defense. PC absolutely KILLED URI when the two teams played, one of the best games I've seen in years, classic strength on weakness for both sides. Remember that college basketball talk in these pages is always allowed.))

I got to see a game in Detroit last fall between the Red Wings and the Sharks. Detroit's defensemen foolishly gave up the puck inside the zone, and a San Jose forward pounced on it and let go a slap shot at Osgood from about 20 feet away. The sumbitch CAUGHT IT.

One look at Hasek making a save over his head while sprawled flat on his back, or of Roy (jerk that he is) turning away 35 shots in a night, should be enough to convince anybody that these guys have the greatest reflexes on the planet. The second best, in my opinion, are baseball players, who somehow can manage to distinguish a 98-mph fastball from a 92-mph slider in the span of 60 feet, 6 inches, and drive it into the gap for a double.

I read once that the average eyesight of a major leaguer is 20-15. And that's the average; I'm guessing Tony Gwynn in his prime must have been somewhere around 20-10. Ted Williams may have been better than that.

Best wishes. Steve, SEMMERT of

((Next up, we have a special commentary by Mark Fassio that was first published on the Christian Science Monitor's web page, but since that is now gone, I think, I'm reprinting it here. You can go look to see if you can find it at:

but I couldn't find it when I looked recently. Here's Mark:))

Peace is Dead; Long Live the Peace! By Mark A Fassio

I'm going to emerge from the ``Social Sciences closet" and make an admission: I am a Primordialist. For those of you not versed in arcane theories and their proponents, Primordialism is basically a nationalistic, ``ancient hatreds" view which says that there will always be war and hostility between ethnic groups. In other words, there will always be an underlying mistrust and conflict potential among certain peoples despite any amount of economic integration into the world, peace initiatives, and the like. Most ``in the know" theorists decry this belief, confident that once we achieve ``global integration," ``economic well-being," and a host of similar initiatives, this virulent nationalism will dissipate. ``Give the Serbs, Croats and Bosniacs some blue jeans and a dose of capitalism, and Balkan prosperity will be around the corner. Ditto most Third World neighbors. Once everyone is just like us, peace will be at hand." Humbug.

As much as I'd like to believe the development optimists of the world, the ``track record" of the past bodes ill for the future. In Bosnia we first witnessed the ineffectual UN. Then came the military arm of NATO and the Stabilization Force (SFOR) to monitor the Dayton Accords. Whoever in the class thinks the Accords will last more than one year after SFOR leaves, raise your hand. Obviously we don't believe it, because our troops' mandate to remain there has tripled from the original ``one year," and no exit date seems remotely visible. The problem lies in conceptualization. Peacemakers look at the world with a rose-colored realism. They understand that there are bad people out there, but believe that prosperity (through an international political economy of neo-liberal trade) will bring peace and brotherhood. Logically, however, the reverse must occur: peace must occur first, and then prosperity can follow. Postwar Europe is an obvious example. If we could allude to Clemenceau's comments on the Versailles Treaty to describe the current state of the Balkans, it might be: ``This isn't a peace; it's an armistice." What good is a prolonged stay by outsiders to enforce peace, when the insiders are waging war both actively (e.g., Kosovo) and ``subcutaneously?" By that I mean the aspersion of `the other guy' as the epitome of evil, passed on by deeds and word of mouth, by thousands of ethnic kinsmen, from days past to the present. Words of hatred become deeds of ill-will (generating mistrust so the planned joint Croat-Bosnian town councils don't work together, as just one example).

Outsiders can talk a good peace story. But village elders pass down tales of atrocities and indignities heaped upon them by ``the other." And when people weave tales of old into the sad and bloody tapestry of the new, then the mantle worn by the masses is one of unending violence. Serbs in 1991 alluded to Muslim and Croatian fascist atrocities in the 1940s as justification for enacting their type of war. Croats pointed to Serbian attempts at hegemony since 1919 and the centuries before. And both of them still consider the Bosniacs as Slavic turncoats who `went over' to the Muslim Turk side…centuries ago! Unbelievable? Did you know that in 1989 nearly a million Serbs celebrated their nation's defeat at the hands of the Turks - in a 1389 battle?! Could you imagine Southerners, 600 years from now, traipsing to Gettysburg and waxing euphoric about how they lost? Do we have a plan to eradicate these stories - stories made much more personal after the last seven years of Balkan fighting? If not, count on more war.

Want more instances of ancient hatred? Africa is a nice case. Long before white slave traders came to the Continent, tribes were attacking, enslaving, and/or killing each other. South Africa's apartheid regime is gone, but does that means the Zulu and the Khosa tribes have become blood brothers, joined by common desires? Hardly. Traverse the continent of Africa and you'll find the same inter-tribal animosities from many, many years ago: Hutu versus Tutsi in Rwanda and Burundi; the multi-ethnic lines of fighting among Somalian and Liberian factions; Sudanese Muslims fighting Sudanese Christians and animists; the list goes on. (For that matter, go to Texas and ask why white men tortured and dragged a black man from the back of a truck.)

Middle East-watchers can point out similar primordial tendencies. The Arabs claim land based on occupancy through millenia by their ancestors. Jews claim the land from Biblical heritage. Koran or Old Testament; who's right? The answer, to paraphrase Napoleon, is that "God fights on the side of the big(ger) battalions." Hardly a way to create lasting peace.

Why won't global integration bring peace to the world? Because capitalism and liberal development is inherently unequal to begin with. One cannot (Marxist diehards aside) achieve a common utopia along economic lines. Business and economic dealings are cut-throat: some survive, some go bankrupt. Some nations have great export surpluses; other nations are economic basket-cases, because, obviously, not every nation can generate a surplus-there will always be ``have and have not" nations. And when you mix this economic inequality into a primordial grudge match between peoples (however illogical it might seem to our Western minds), the stage is set for continued unrest and propagation of an ``us versus them" outlook. Don't believe me? Ask the Irish how long the Brits have subjugated them economically and politically ``beyond the Pale." Ask the Abkhazian Minister of Internal Affairs (as I did) when the Georgian refugees could return to their ancient lands. His answer? ``Never." Why not? ``Because they've always oppressed us." Uh-huh.

Let's come closer to home; what was one reason for NATO? To assuage the French that their ``historical" enemy, Germany, wouldn't again rise to preeminence and cause aggression - oh yes, and to keep the Turks and Greeks from more fighting. (Greeks tend to take a dim view of the hundreds of years they endured the Turks as occupiers.) One could make the case that it took decades of US hegemony and overlordship in European affairs to ``force the peace" - and we still cringe over Aegean problems between Greece and Turkey. Can we duplicate 50 years of effort involving a handful of NATO countries with ``our" basic customs and outlooks and apply it worldwide? Should we?

The prognosis, when faced with this primordial logic, is for continued unrest until everyone learns not to demonize those who are ``not like them." Until that time occurs (if it ever does) a wise policy might mean not commiting forces and money on losing ventures. But of course a circular logic exists. ``Band-aid diplomacy" using idealistic views - and the lives of our service members - for non-vital ventures involving Realpolitik Third World leaders - is bad policy. Instead, we should try to isolate and neutralize every demagogue who promotes war (that would be you, Mr Milosevic, and you Mr bin Laden, for starters). Unless we stop these and other primordialists from leading their peoples into a ``we-they" fight over real and perceived injustices, peace will never come about. The conundrum is: how do you isolate/eliminate these demagogues without intervention and/or recourse to force? In essence, we are faced with the old Vietnam phrase, ``We had to bomb the village to save it." Peace will never flourish while people perceive non-similar neighbors as objects rather than fellow humans. And the sub-national wars of the late 20th Century merely propagate this type of ethnic nationalist outlook. There is no easy answer, but a sober view of our commitment levels worldwide might be a nice start. Are we a GloboCop?

One should realize that we might spend a generation (or longer) trying to ``reprogram" people worldwide who have been scarred by ethnic fighting and who ``don't really like" their neighbors, however illogical it may be. Trying to alter generations of cultural hostility is the successful equivalent of jogging through quicksand. Unless we wish to expend decades of national treasure, time, and potential lives in a windmill-tilting journey, the best alternative might be a phrase from the old movie The Amityville Horror: ``Get out." History will not forgive us for future Vietnam-type involvements so soon after the first.


``I have never learned ... to play the lyre, but I know how to make a small and obscure city rich and great." (Themistocles, in Plutarch's Lives.)

If you want to submit orders, press, or letters by E-Mail, you can find me through the Internet system at ``burgess of''. If anyone has an interest in having an E-Mail address listed so people can negotiate with you by computer, just let me know. FAX orders to (401) 277-9904.

Standby lists: Mike Barno, John Breakwell, Dick Martin, Brad Wilson, Jack McHugh, Glenn Petroski, Steve Emmert, Mark Kinney, Vince Lutterbie, Eric Brosius, Doug Kent, Paul Rauterberg, Stan Johnson, Harry Andruschak, Heath Gardner, Phil Reynolds, Dave Partridge, Andy York, Michael Pustilnik, and John Schultz stand by for regular Diplomacy. Mike Barno, Phil Reynolds, Jim Sayers, and Harry Andruschak stand by for the Colonial Diplomacy game. Brad Wilson, Jack McHugh, Phil Reynolds, Jim Sayers, and Paul Kenny stand by for the Modern Diplomacy game. Let me know if you want on or off these lists. Standbies get the szine for free and receive my personal thanks. I'd really appreciate it if anyone wanted to be added to the lists.


One more regular game will be started now. You can send your $15 for your life of the game sub and game fee with NMR insurance. Roland Sasseville is the only one definitely set for the next regular Diplomacy game. Others have told me they want to play but haven't sent me money yet. This includes Harold Zarr (Harold and Roland should send money now).

I also am trolling for players for Colonia VIIb (we need nine in total - Austria, China, England, France, Netherlands, Ottomans, Portugal, Russia, and Spain). I have direct interest expressed from David Partridge, Robert Stimmel, John Power, Paul Rauterberg, Gene Prosnitz, and Stan Johnson. Could we firm that up in the next few issues, please? I am still looking for ideas on what I will need to know to run Colonia. At this point, I will be running it WITHOUT printing a map in the szine.

I STILL am itching to get this Nuclear Yuppie Evil Empire Black Hole game started. I thought I had it filled, but then one person dropped out. You get a life of game sub, and the game itself is FREE!! Jody McCullough, Sandy Kenny, Mike Barno, Heath Gardner, John Schultz, and ummmm, someone else [remind me?] are signed up. Off an offhanded suggestion in the NYEED press in the last game, we'll call it Nelson Mandela. Just ONE more and we'll get started! Come on, this one will be REALLY exciting!! Best of all, you will be feeding the GM's interests and winning immense numbers of Brownie Points.

I have an opening for a game of Star Trek Diplomacy! See Stephen Agar's rules on his web page at:

There are two changes I am looking at when I start the game. First, I really want to name all the star systems after Star Trek locations. I have begun to do this already, but if someone wants to contribute significantly, or even volunteer to do it all, I will offer a free game start in the game. Second, after naming all of the systems, I think I want to nix the ``revolving rings'' rule. I'll take input on this idea. The game start is open now, and since I want to STRONGLY encourage press, you can sign up and ``claim'' a race. Species 8472 has been in two segments of Voyager and is a very intriguing diplomatic race (their episodes are the only Voyager episodes I've liked in the last year) and the rest of the races should be well known to all.

Conrad von Metzke is the editor and publisher of Pontevedria, the game openings listing, if you're interested in other game openings. Send Conrad a SASE for the latest issue to: Conrad von Metzke, 4374 Donald Avenue, San Diego, CA 92117. Conrad is discussing folding this service. I think actually it needs someone to pick it up with a web page where it can be posted. I'd like to nudge Stephen Agar into talking to Conrad about taking it over and putting in the postal section on The Diplomatic Pouch page, where this szine also resides. This appears to be happening, though it is not official yet to my knowledge. This could serve both the Brit and US hobbies!! I realize that I should probably volunteer to do this since I'm the most active contributor to that page, but I'd really rather not. What we need is for the postal openings to be accessible on the Net.

COME AND HAVE A GO (If You Think You're Hard Enough): 1998 ??, Diplomacy


Winter 1900

AUSTRIA (Pollard): has f TRI, a VIE, a BUD.

ENGLAND (Tallman): has f LON, f EDI, a LVP.

FRANCE (Morris): has f BRE, a MAR, a PAR.

GERMANY (Sayers): has f KIE, a BER, a MUN.

ITALY (Munson): has f NAP, a ROM, a VEN.

RUSSIA (Dwyer): has f STP(SC), f SEV, a WAR, a MOS.

TURKEY (Barno): has f ANK, a SMY, a CON.

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Kent Pollard, Box 491, Mammoth Hot Springs, Yellowstone Nat'l Park, WY 82190 ($5)

ENGLAND: Terry Tallman, 3805 SW Lake Flora Road, Port Orchard, WA 98367, (360) 874-0386 ($5)

terryt of

FRANCE: Scott Morris, 12110 Shelbyville Rd., Louisville, KY 40243 ($5)

Scottm221 of

GERMANY: Jim Sayers, 15 Holdsworth Street, Woollahra 2025, AUSTRALIA ($10)

100233.513 of

ITALY: Scott Munson, PO Box 1042, Gardiner, MT 59030 **SEE NOTE! ($5)

RUSSIA: Luke Dwyer, Colgate University, Box J 1262, 13 Oak Hill Drive, Hamilton, NY 13346, (315) 228-4625 ($5)

Ldwyer of

TURKEY: Mike Barno, 634 Dawson Hill Road, Spencer, NY 14883 ($5)

mpbarno of

Game Notes:

1) If I need to correct or add any contact information above, please get it to me ASAP. Thanks! I had a phone number for Scott Munson, but it was disconnected while he went back east for awhile. He should be returning soon and then I will list it. Mail is being forwarded but his responses may be slow to start.

2) We're all on track for the February deadline. I know you have a lot of time, but with an Australian in the game, you probably will need it.

3) Mr. von Metzke, may we have a Boardman Number please??

4) Scott Munson is at 562 W. 31st Street, Erie, PA 16508 until about January 6th. Then he will be driving back to Montana. I'm also pretty sure that Luke Dwyer is at his home address: 49 Middlesex Drive, Slingerlands, NY 12159, through the holidays as well.


(MIKE to LUKE): ``Hoodwinked" derives from the practice of putting a hood over someone's head to blind (or ``wink") them. This could be to prevent a captive from seeing where he was taken to; or to save the public from seeing the face of a criminal being hanged; or for secret groups to use both the preceding elements for mood during initiations. (Paul's use of ``the man in the black hood" in ``Fear and Whiskey" last time suggests a different hood in John Schultz's case. Hopefully he doesn't mean the executioner's hood.) ``Hoodwinked" has taken on the general connotation (probably in Shakespeare) of ``fooled with ill intent" or more specifically ``led into something the victim wouldn't have chosen". (Example: ``You hoodwinked me, telling me you'd support me into Russian centers; now I'm deadlocked against him while you're taking my dots.")

(ANKARA to VIENNA): The unsanctioned newspaper ``Fear and Whiskey" carried documentation of war crimes carried out by Your Majesty's troops which had invaded and temporarily occupied Bulgaria. Can this be true? Has a genocidal madman gotten loose and need to be stopped? We will investigate thoroughly throughout Bulgaria as soon as a detachment of the most qualified experts can be mobilized.

(AUSTRIA to GM): Do you have the rest of Jim Sayers' address in Australia or is that all? ((That is the whole thing! I'm not sure how long Air Mail takes to get there, but you will need to be very speedy to keep up with him without E-Mail.))

(ANKARA to VIENNA): From the Palace of Wisdom and Glory, the most renowned scholars in international relations were dispatched, supported by the finest linguists, to the capitals of Europe's great powers. Earlier today, a messenger brought the first written foreign document. It was in the hand of Your Majesty and bore your royal seal. How shocked was I, the one Sultan of all the Ottoman lands, to find a mere fluffery of words, devoid of content. Are you trying to hoodwink me, Buster? And within the empty words was a claim to represent ``the Austrian Empire". Surely the noble ancestors of This Shining One's imperial house from Buda and Pesht would take grave offense. If ethnic cleansing of Magyars from the Austro-HUNGARIAN Empire is being attempted, whether by Austrians or the infamous Serbs, We shall have no truck with it! Turkish armies will go anywhere to stop crimes against humanity, and no borders will stop them! Vienna shall be consumed in flames!!

(MIKE to JIM-BOB): Whither Randy Ellis? (At first I mistyped ``Wither Randy Ellis" but whether that's true or not, it's no help.)

(BARNO to BURGESS): Because of your compliment I'm not gonna abuse you this month. Take that as good or bad, your choice.

SO GOOD IT HURTS: 1998 P, Regular Diplomacy


Winter 1900

AUSTRIA (K. Ozog): has f TRI, a VIE, a BUD.

ENGLAND (James): f LON, f EDI, a LVP.

FRANCE (Dwyer): has f BRE, a MAR, a PAR.

GERMANY (Goesle): has f KIE, a BER, a MUN.

ITALY (Rauterberg): has f NAP, a ROM, a VEN.

RUSSIA (Rusnak): has f STP(SC), f SEV, a WAR, a MOS.

TURKEY (Emmert): has f ANK, a CON, a SMY.

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Kurt Ozog, 1220 N. Ashbel Ave., Berkeley, IL., 60163, (708) 544-9330

kozog of

ENGLAND: Drew James, 8356 Radian Path, Baldwinsville, NY 13027-9357, (315) 652-1956 ($5)

dkbn of

FRANCE: Luke Dwyer, Colgate University, Box J 1262, 13 Oak Hill Drive, Hamilton, NY 13346, (315) 228-4625

School Breaks Only: 49 Middlesex Drive, Slingerlands, NY 12159, (518) 439-5796 ($5)

Ldwyer of

GERMANY: Warren Goesle, 3907 Cedar Ridge, #1B, Indianapolis, IN 46235 ($5)

ITALY: Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Dr., Greenfield, WI 53221, (414) 281-2339 ($5)

prosit of

RUSSIA: Russ Rusnak, 1551 Highridge Avenue, Westchester, IL 60154-3428 ($5)

TURKEY: Steve Emmert, 1752 Grey Friars Chase, Virginia Beach, VA 23456, (757) 471-1842 ($5)


Game Notes:

1) If I need to correct or add any contact information above, please get it to me ASAP. Thanks!

2) We're all on track for the January deadline. I had orders on file for EVERYONE but Austria. Be careful, I will use those orders unless you give me an update!


(PUNSTER to PROVIDENCE): Okay, let's try this one.

Once upon a time, there was a brilliant gorilla who got his MBA from Wharton, then went out into the world of business, made a bijillion bucks, and then retired at an early age (even for a gorilla). He decided to spend his retirement fulfilling his life's ambition, which was to become a cattle rancher.

He started by going out to Wyoming, where he located the perfect spread. Thousands upon thousands of acres of beautiful, rolling countryside; streams; good grass; a fine ranch house; everything a successful rancher could want. It was very expensive, but he bought it on the spot.

The next thing was to purchase the cattle. But unfortunately, the cattle market was very bad that year, and he had spent so much on the place that he couldn't afford to buy all the cattle he wanted. So he did the next best thing: He bought ten thousand head of monkeys, brought them back to the farm, and started raising monkeys.

He did fairly well for a while, but pretty soon the monkey business fell off, and he had to try to sell everything in order to avoid financial collapse. But he coldn't do it; every time he went into town and asked passersby, ``Would you like to buy a monkey ranch?" they'd just reply, ``No thanks. I'll just use a pair of pliers."

Be careful what you ask for, etc. ((More puns, more puns....))

(AUSTRIA to WORLD): Nope, nobody here but us chickens.

(SHRINKING VIOLET EMMERT to BRAVE NEW BURGESS): Thank you for your kind words. Indeed I do not wish to be the hobby's resident ego. For one thing, I can't afford the maintenance on one of those things. I'd rather spend the time spoiling my daughter rotten.

(EMMERT to OZOG): Welcome. I trust you'll be more communicative than was your predecessor. I also assume you can outrun a tree.

(MIKE BARNO to RUSS RUSNAK): You'll be delighted (dare I say apoplectic) to hear that Mary Jane is doing fine. I've walked her 365 miles this year (none in Chicago, yay) and she hasn't bitten any Titan players. Don't know if she's made any players pee in their shorts from their lame phobias this year.



Turn 2

17 (replenish with a 3): Mopsy, Will Shakespeare
16 (no replenishment): Empty
15 (replenish with a 3): Broke Leg Meg, Shane the Chain
14 (replenish with a 5): Barkin' Larkin', Alessandro Cyclotron, Stan Marsh, Flopsy, Alfred the Great
13 (replenish with a 10): Eric Cartman, Chasin' Jason, Cottontail, Moe
12 (replenish with a 14): Peter, Damon Velodrome
11 (replenish with a 15): Kenny McCormick, Christoph Wheelhub, John Logie-Baird
10 (replenish with a 15): Larry, Curly, Kyle Broslofski, Bernard Spoke, Sir Isaac Newton
9 (replenish with a 15): Shemp

Addresses of the Participants - Their Team and Their Cards

TEAM 1 (Farmer McGregor's Dinner): Eric Brosius, 53 Bird Street, Needham MA 02192

72060.1540 of CompuServe.COM

A: Flopsy 5 7 8 9
B: Mopsy 3 8 9
C: Cottontail 10 7 11
D: Peter 4 14 3

TEAM 2 (Chef's Crackers): Rick Desper, Bergheimer Strasse 114, 69115 Heidelberg, GERMANY

desper of

Coach is, of course, Chef
A: Stan Marsh (aka the Star Quarterback) 5 7 11 9
B: Kyle Broslofski (aka the Lonely Jew) 15 8 10
C: Kenny McCormick (aka the Pov) 15 3 9
D: Eric Cartman (aka the FatAss) 10 3 6

TEAM 3 (Goz Transportation Co.): Warren Goesle, 3907 Cedar Ridge, #1B, Indianapolis, IN 46235

gozcorp of

A: Alessandro Cyclotron 5 6 10 8
B: Bernard Spoke 15 8 15
C: Christoph Wheelhub 15 8 9
D: Damon Velodrome 3 8 14

TEAM 4 (Brit Pack): John Harrington, 1 Churchbury Close, Enfield, Middlesex, EN1 3UW UK

johnh of

A: Alfred the Great 1 4 5 15
B: Sir Isaac Newton 3 15 15
C: Will Shakespeare 4 3 3
D: John Logie-Baird 6 5 15

TEAM 5 (The Stoogecycles): David Partridge, 15 Elmer Drive, Nashua, NH 03062-1722

rebhuhn of

A: Curly 15 8 15
B: Larry 15 12 6
C: Moe 10 10 7
D: Shemp 15 11 7

TEAM 6 (The Flat Wheel Society): John Schultz, #19390, E1-11L, Indiana Department of Correction,

Plainfield Correctional Facility, 727 Moon Road, Plainfield, IN 46168-9400

A: Broke Leg Meg 3 15 3
B: Shane the Chain 3 3 10
C: Barkin' Larkin' 5 5 6
D: Chasin' Jason 10 6 3

Game Notes:

1) Keep checking me here. We have some very important notes here, so listen up. I am still using Keith Thomasson's postal rules for this game, so I think I ***DID*** adjudicate the crowded space correctly last time, but the game's designer apparently intended both the space in front of the crowded space AND the space behind it to be considered empty on the first turn. The other rule that Keith uses, but is not original to the rules is that NO card may be larger than a 15, so once all the riders are in formation, the ones at the back just get 15's and nothing higher. Again, since we are using Keith's rules, that is how I have adjudicated it above. Hmmmm, wouldn't think a simple card game would be so difficult, would you??

2) Since I like this game and am learning how to do this and have to put my new knowledge to good use, I will start another game. I'll keep the sign-up list here so that interested parties will see it as they peruse the szine. All games will start when they have precisely six players and for the moment I will keep the game opening list always on. This game will continue to be free, like Nuclear Yuppie Evil Empire.


(FARMER MCGREGOR-TFWS): Oddly enough, with similar cards, you are leading the pack while the other John is right at the back.

(CHEF - GOZ): Sorry my kids blocked you, but you didn't do too badly, did you?

(BRIT PACK): Groupthink is a wonderful thing. As the massed crowd responded to Brian of Nazareth with one voice, ``Yes, we are all individuals." I feel like the lone voice who quietly said, ``I'm not."

(BRIT PACK): Who's winning? Dunno, but after turn 1 just under half the cyclists replenished with a card higher than the one they played, with John Logie-Baird gaining the most (played a 1, got back a 6). Strange then to see the poor blighter struggling at the rear.

(CHEF - STOOGES): Nächsten mal, sollen wir vielleicht die Spielregeln durchlesen, bevor wir solche blöde Planen machen? Mein Gott! ((I may not be able to read it, but Chef gets bonus points for writing his German in perfect TeX. Our Farmer also is capable of doing this....))

(GOZ TRANSPORTATION CO. QUARTERLY REPORT TO THE PARENT CO., GOZ & CO., INC.): Profits up $3M Q1. Expect a dropoff in Q2, as British competition drives past us in several areas.

(CHEF - BUNNIES): Looks like you kids did ok, yup. Watch out for the genetic engineer who lives on the hill!

(EMBARRASSED GAME DESIGNER WRITES): This is ... er ... refreshing. Normally everyone starts off real slow going ``After you Claude", in the hope of building up monster replacement cards. You guys are making me look bad with your complete inability to play this game. If I ever catch up to some of you blokes I'll tell you where you are going wrong but otherwise you'll have to hang around after the race for about 25 minutes to allow my team of stragglers to pedal home and give you some tips on how to approach this road racing lark.

(STOOGES to CREATOR): In the face to face version of this game, does each player get to see the other player's cards? I know that one would know all of the replenishing cards, but it seems to me that not knowing the original ones would make the opening turn much more interesting.

(CHEF - JAILBIRD): Looks like you're taking the game's name literally!

(STOOGES to GM): Don't worry about the oil, the Brit Pack will be wiping it up with their super-absorbent jerseys in just a few seconds!

(CHEF - BRIT): I bet you passed my kids this time!

(FIELD-MEG): See you at the finish line!

FEAR AND WHISKEY: 1998Ers31, Modern Diplomacy



Spring 1997

BRITAIN (Schultz): f nth-NOR, a lon-BRI, f nor-SWE, f MOR-sao,

f mao-BIS, f ENG C a lon-bri.

EGYPT (J. O'Donnell): f ale-LBS, a ESA-lib, a asw-ALE, f LIB-tun,

a irk-IRN, f cai-EME.

FRANCE (Andruschak): f mar-AUV, f GOL-wme, a MAD-por (d ann), a LYO S a swi,

f SAO S a mad-por, a swi S ITALIAN a mil (d r:pie,otb), a auv-NAV, a BAR-mad.

GERMANY (Rauterberg): a MUN S a aus-swi, a ham-PRU, a pru-SIL, a ruh-ALS,

a aus-SWI, f BHM C a ham-pru, a bel-PIC, f DEN S BRITISH f nwy-swe, a CZE S a pru-sil.

ITALY (Ozog): a ven-AUS, f ION h, a MIL S GERMAN a aus-swi, f mal-TYS,

a ser-HUN, f alb-SER.

POLAND (Sasseville): a WAR S a bie, a BIE S a stp-mos, f bal-GDA, f LIT h,

a KRA-cze, a stp-MOS.

RUSSIA (Goranson): a GOR S a lat-stp, a lat-STP, a fin-MUR.

SPAIN (S. O'Donnell): a POR S a sve-mad, f TUN-wme, a AND S a sve-mad, a sve-MAD.

TURKEY (Pollard): a irn-KAZ, a ANK-geo, a IST-bul, a CAU-vol, f ebs-wbs (d ann),

f AEG-ion, a gre-ALB.

UKRAINE (Partridge): f sev-EBS, a kha-DON, a mos-gor (d r:lat,crp,otb), f WBS S f sev-ebs,

a KIE S a kha-don, a VOL-cau, a POD S POLISH a kra (otm), a BUL S ITALIAN f alb-gre (nso),

f ROS-geo.

Addresses of the Participants

BRITAIN: John Schultz, #19390, E1-11L, Indiana Department of Correction,

Plainfield Correctional Facility, 727 Moon Road, Plainfield, IN 46168-9400

EGYPT: Jeff O'Donnell, 402 Middle Ave., Elyria, OH 44035-5728, (440) 322-2920 ($5)

FRANCE: Harry Andruschak, PO Box 5309, Torrance, CA 90510-5309, (310) 835-9202 ($5)

GERMANY: Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Dr., Greenfield, WI 53221, (414) 281-2339 (E-Mail)

prosit of

ITALY: Eric Ozog, PO Box 1138, Granite Falls, WA 98252-1138, (360) 691-4264 ($5)

ElfEric of

POLAND: Roland Sasseville, Jr., 38 Bucklin Street, Pawtucket, RI 02861, (401) 722-4029 ($5)

roland6 of

RUSSIA: Rich Goranson, 10 Hertel Avenue #208, Buffalo, NY 14207-2532, (716) 876-9374 ($4)

ForlornH of

SPAIN: Sean O'Donnell, 126 S. Park, Oberlin, OH 44074, (440) 774-2928 ($5)

TURKEY: Kent Pollard, Box 491, Mammoth Hot Springs, Yellowstone National Park, WY 82190, ($10)

UKRAINE: Dave Partridge, 15 Elmer Drive, Nashua, NH 03062-1722, (603) 882-3523 ($9)

rebhuhn of

Game Notes:

1) Check out the Modern Dip web page at: Cyberia/modern.htm

2) Note that John Schultz' address has changed.


(THE MEKONS QUOTE OF THE MONTH): ``The MEKONS riding the tiger of social surrealism with its huge ornamental saddle and brightly flashing painted teeth.'' Susan Williams on the original jacket of the greatest rock album of the 80's, Fear and Whiskey.

(BOOB to JIM-BOB): Prepare for sixty lashes with the wet noodle. You KNEW this was coming!! You KNOW you deserve this and oh so much more....

(ANDRUSCHAK-GM): TAP #210 with a deadline of 24 October arrived whilst I was on vacation in Turkey. I survived Armenian terrorist activities, Kurdish terrorist activities, Fundamentalist Islamic terrorist activities, gang attacks, assassination attempts by disgruntled Greeks who were castrated, disease, tinamous, and the hoards of t-shirt sellers and rug touts. I do NOT appreciate having to do this last minute scramble to get orders in, but here they are. All this and Christmas at the Post Office as well. I hate Christmas. I hate last minute scrambles.

And < Boo Hiss > on printing raw press the way you did. Now all will know that it was me, not Sean, doing those Latin quotations. ((I deserve all you are giving me, and more, but give me a break. NO ONE thought it was Sean doing the Latin quotations....)) Bad editing and GMing on your part, in my opinion. ((No doubt. I accept that. Basically I had a VERY short window to get the szine out, or it was going to be another week. I could have held the press, but decided that it balanced out the pages to print it in that issue the way I did. All this is explanation and not intended as an excuse. After I did it and had time to think about it, I realized that I should have just held the press to the next issue as I had intended originally.)) And another thing, you forgot to tell the alleged Latin Black Presser that he had to abuse the GM before abusing me. Of course, since I was writing the press, I suppose you could call it self-abuse. I assume you approve of self-abuse? ((Of course, of course, especially when I do it to myself....))

(HERMIT BARNO to ZEALOT POLLARD): As Jehovah said to Joshua, ``Cut the big noise, boy." Ain't no prophet here. Got no higher ``truths" or ``blessings" to offer than you have for yourself if you investigate and think.

(PEOPLE OF UKRAINE to AMBASSADOR ATTATUDE): You've heard of self fulfilling prophecies? Same goes for suspicions.

(MIKE to KENT): A good thing about Sean: You aren't the farthest from sanity and coherence in this game.

(HARMONIOUS HAIKU #1): A matador's sword; can be used by a Frenchman; to kill a Spaniard.

(MUNICH to PARIS): Aw, what the hell? Let's give it a good, rip-roaring go, just for kicks eh?

(FRANCE-EGYPT): I can think of THREE good reasons why Glenn was put back into space... Money, money, money. NASA needs money from Congress to keep the shuttle going. NASA needs to keep the shuttle going to build and supply the space station. The space station is needed to give the shuttle something to do.

(BERLIN to PARIS): Back! Back, you dog!

(BOOB to BERLIN): Now, we need to look at this carefully.... do you want him to go back into space? To stay away from the money?? Or just back to a good old fashioned water splashdown???

(GERMANY to FRANCE): From this we learn that we do not give one who seduces people to do evil the opportunity to justify his actions.

(ITALY-WORLD): I'm flexing my muscles baby!

(FRANCE-IRAN): Whoever wrote that press item datelined Iran is obviously not aware that, Iran being a Muslim country like Turkey, ALL males of the Islamic faith are circumcised somewhere around the ages of 8 to 10. Or perhaps the writer is confused about the difference between circumcision and castration? Go read up on them, and remember that neither medical operation should be confused with a vasectomy operation. (I had a vasectomy in 1973, and still regard it as the best $100 I ever spent.)

(ITA-FRA): I have been O'Donnelled.

(ITA- > TUR): Of course you realize I couldn't fight the same armored personnel carriers I had just sent you, so Praise Allah! Let's get together in Instanbul for a cup of coffee. ((Turkish instant coffee must be especially sludgy...))

(BERLIN to WARSAW): We are destroying you, to save you from the predations of Ukraine. Now, if you were to prove yourself more valuable alive...?

(MACHIAVELLI to THOSE WHO DID NOT HAVE THE BOOK): The quote continues... ``Yet experience shows that those princes who had little regard for their word and had the craftiness to turn men's minds have accomplished great things, and in the end have overcome those who governed their actions by their pledges." ( The Prince ch. 13 par. 1) I have yet to lie to anyone and thus the predicament. Does being less than forthcoming count as a lie?

(PALACE OF VERSAILLES): ``And how do you like being my prisoner, Mr. Jonas Johnson? Yes, you are now in my power. Your deputy, John Schultz, has managed to keep the news of your kidnapping a secret. Perhaps he is not all that interested in having you rescued and returned to power? No matter, I know the whole plot, and so do the Greeks, now. Very clever. Incite the Turks to castrate the Greeks. Blame France. While all this is going on, everyone forgets about the Elgin Marbles and the efforts to return them to Greece. Too bad the Greeks figured it out. I will admit that France trained those castrated Greeks, but they did the actual commando raid that captured you and delivered you here. Death is too good for you, considering your crimes. We have had a new torture device built. You will be taken to see it, and have three weeks to contemplate your fate. Then we use it. We will show no mercy.''

(BERLIN to WARSAW): Whoever wrote that ``die, die, die" crap in the press...? It wasn't I! I'm known for more subtle messages, such as ``Make Room...Your Daddy's Comin'". You can draw your own conclusions.

(ME to ALL): Ya, I am screwed.

(ME to TO SENDER OF STRONG PACKAGE): I will try to be all I can be.

(ME to YOU OR U): About as far as I can throw you.

(SUPERHERO to WORLD): My Spidey sense is tingling Mr. GM knows I have an eerie feel for these things. Ignorance is bliss, but it often leads to premature death, and frankly ignorance is just no fun. If I made a wrong call, Mea Culpa, but we do what we must.

(EGYPT to ANYONE): What does TAP stand for?

(ROLAND to ALL): Best wishes for the holiday season. ((Thanks, Roland, but I would have said Merry Christmas!))

(HAMBURG to ANKARA): You have a lot of nerve, demanding that we drop everything else and swarm on down into the Ukraine. You haven't even offered us a support into a dot!

(BARNO to PARTRIDGE): Can the first reports be true? Did Pollard's own elite troops commit crimes aginst humanity during their occupation of Bulgaria? Our people on the new continent need to know.

(HUN to BRIT): I received your request for support on the 10th-no time to write back to you, but I gave you what you asked for. Hope you took it!

(JEFF O'DONNELL to HARRY ANDRUSCHAK): It is understandable that you fear for your life as a tourist in Turkey. However, I would like to point out that even the most militant group in the Turkish underground or even the most radical members of the local Shiite Moslem sect or even the most daring tourist T-Shirt peddlers would have to find their terrorist plans foiled, forcing them into a strategic military style retreat once they come upon the knowledge that you are member of the United States Postal Service. I would also point out that as a card carrying liberal Democrat it would probably be in their best interest to keep you alive, healthy and voting.

(THE CROSSROADS OF CIVILIZATIONS.... FIRST INSTALLMENT): I've noticed that when I talk to people about my vacations, 4 basic questions always crop up. For my trip to Turkey, they went along the lines of....

1) Why travel at all?

2) Why travel with a tour group?

3) Why Turkey?

4) Why November?

The last question is best answered first. It has to do with the fact that I work for the United States Postal Service. We have a clumsy system for alloting vacation times. The Post Office divides the year into 2 and 3 week periods, and you bid for a 2 week period and a 3 week period. Who gets what is determined by seniority, not merit.

For the year 1998, I obtained a 2 week period in February and a 3 week period in November. I do not have enough seniority to even think about a vacation period from Memorial Day to Labor Day. I used the 2 weeks in February to sail with Windjammer Barefoot Cruises on the 3 masted barquentine MANDALAY to view the total solar eclipse of 26 February.

As for November, I long ago learned the lesson about traveling in the off-season. Crowds are smaller in the winter months, prices are much cheaper, and all you have to put up with is some less than perfect weather.

Tour groups have advantages and disadvantages. With a group, a lot of the tedious planning is done for you. Of course, you pay a price for this convenience. You get to travel with some interesting companions, but the schedule may not include places you want to see or things you want to do. My general attitude is that I need a tour group for my first visit to a country. I can decide to return solo later on, once I know what will be involved.

I chose GO-AHEAD vacations for my tour group, based on enthusiastic comments from friends who had used this outfit. I chose Turkey because the price was right in November, and because I had been reading up on Turkey as a background to my activity as a player of the game of DIPLOMACY.

Turkey has it all. It was the Crossroads Of Civilizations as dozens of armies marched back and forth across this land bridge between Europe and Asia. Empires rose and fell. This is a land where history is measured in millenia, not centuries. And it is a land with a modern democratic republic, part of NATO, and an active member of the European Community.

(AMBASSADOR ATATURK PÖ-LLARD to MR. ANDRUSCHAK): I hope your visit to my nation was satisfactory. Forgive the lack of a greeting from my Greek militant forces but they are busy anticipating the next move of the Italians.

SHOW ME THE MONEY: 1997Mea04, Colonial Diplomacy


Still Summer 1904

BRITAIN (York): has f ADEN, a AFG, a RAJ, f RS,

f HK, f SIN, a TIB, f SHI, f AS, a ASS, f NAN, f MAL.

CHINA (Goranson): has a SHA, a CHU.

FRANCE (Sasseville): has a TON, f COC, f GOS, f SCS,

a CAN, a MAY, a YUN, a U.BUR, f FOR.

HOLLAND (Desper): has f TS, f BOR, f JS, f SUL.S, a SUM, f SUN.S, f LS.

JAPAN (Dwyer): has a KYU, a VLA, f UP, f ECS, a P.ART, f OS, f YS, f SOJ, a SEO.

RUSSIA (Williams): has a BOK, a IRK, a BAKU, f MED, a ANG, a MON, f MAC, a BAG,

a URU, a PEK, a SIK, a LAN, f SYR.

TURKEY (Tallman): has f GOA, a EGY, f SUD.

Addresses of the Participants

BRITAIN: Andy York, PO Box 201117, Austin, TX 78720-1117

wandrew of

CHINA: Rich Goranson, 10 Hertel Avenue #208, Buffalo, NY 14207-2532, (716) 876-9374 ($5)

ForlornH of

FRANCE: Roland Sasseville, Jr., 38 Bucklin Street, Pawtucket, RI 02861, (401) 722-4029 ($8)

Djrolandb of

HOLLAND: Rick Desper, Bergheimer Strasse 114, 69115 Heidelberg, GERMANY (E-Mail)

desper of

JAPAN: Luke Dwyer, Colgate University, Box J 1262, 13 Oak Hill Drive, Hamilton, NY 13346, (315) 228-4625

School Breaks Only: 49 Middlesex Drive, Slingerlands, NY 12159, (518) 439-5796 ($4)

Ldwyer of

RUSSIA: Don Williams, 27505 Artine Drive, Saugus, CA 91350, (805) 297-3947 ($6)

wllmsfmly of

TURKEY: Terry Tallman, 3805 SW Lake Flora Road, Port Orchard, WA 98367, (360) 874-0386 ($0)

ttallman of

GM: Jim-Bob Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327, (401) 351-0287

Game Notes:

1) Rick has been having a tough time with postal mail! I carefully addressed Issue #210 just as printed above, but it was returned as undeliverable. It seems that the Germans are highly efficient at many things, but postal delivery does not appear to be one of them. The szine gets to the Brits I send it to in 2-4 days! It has been having trouble getting to Germany at all! Then, trying to avoid the problem with #210, I sent #211 to Rick here in the States where he was for Thanksgiving, but missed him by a day! At this juncture, he still has neither issue, so we need to delay the game until January. I'm very sorry about the delay. Have any of the rest of you had mail returned??


(HOLLAND): Sorry guys, but I have been sitting by my mailbox waiting for a map to show up, and it hasn't yet appeared. The clever plan developed by me and Jim-Bob backfired and the issue arrived in Connecticut one day after I left for NJ to fly back here. Not a good month for clever plans. :(

(ROLAND to ALL): Happy holidays to all. And may all the backstabbers especially Mr. York get a lump of coal. O the pain the pain.

(F to FORMERLY LOQUACIOUS BRITISH ALLY): At least you could have written or replied to my email. Instead I must assume that all ambassadors are dead.

(F to LUKE SAN): Luke, you must not succumb to the dark side. Mr. Bigglesworth and I will not be happy. ((No, indeed.... you better watch out! Dr. Evil will learn how to ask for REAL money...))

(F to ALL): As you can see, the reins of power in my country have been passed on to Dr. Evil. We demand one million dollars in cash or you will all be SHAGGED. Ya Baby!





01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08 09 10 11
AUSTRIA (Terry Tallman)  3  2  2 *3  1  1  0 - - - -
Eliminated Winter 1907
ENGLAND (Tom Nash)  4  5  4  4  4  4  5  6  8  8  9
Resigned Fall 1903;
(Michael Lowrey) Drew Winter 1911
FRANCE (Paul Rauterberg)  4  5  5  5  5  5  5  6  8 11  8
Drew Winter 1911
GERMANY (Doug Kent)  5  5  6  6  6  7  7  7  4  1  0
Eliminated Winter 1911
ITALY (Simon Billenness)  4  4  4  3  4  3  3  0 - - -
Eliminated Winter 1908
RUSSIA (Ken Peel)  7  8  7  8  7  5  4  2  1  1  1
Resigned Summer 1901;
(Don Williams) Survived Winter 1911
TURKEY (Peter J. Gaughan, IV)  5  5  6  5  7  9 10 13 13 13 16
Resigned Summer 1905;
(Keith Sherwood) Drew Winter 1911

* = Played one short

GM: Jim Burgess, The Abyssinian Prince.

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Terry Tallman, 3805 SW Lake Flora Road, Port Orchard, WA 98367, (360) 874-0386 ($7)

ttallman of

ENGLAND: Michael Lowrey, 4322 Water Oak Road, Charlotte, NC 28211

mlowrey of

ENGLAND EMERITUS: Tom Nash, 202 Settlers Road, St. Simons Island, GA 31522, (912) 634-1753 ($4)

75763.707 of CompuServe.COM

FRANCE: Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Dr., Greenfield, WI 53221, (414) 281-2339 ($5)

prosit of

GERMANY: Doug Kent, 10214 Black Hickory Rd., Dallas, TX 75243 (214) 234-8386 ($5)

73567.1414 of CompuServe.COM

ITALY: Simon Billenness, 33 Lancaster Terrace, Apt. 211, Brookline, MA 02446, (617) 731-1419 ($5)

sbillenness of

RUSSIA: Don Williams, 27505 Artine Drive, Saugus, CA 91350, (805) 297-3947

wllmsfmly of

RUSSIA EMERITUS: Ken Peel, 12041 Eaglewood Court, Silver Spring, MD 20902, (301) 949-4055 ($5)


TURKEY: Keith Sherwood, 8873 Pipestone Way, San Diego, CA 92129, (619) 484-8367 ($4)

ksher of or Keith_Sherwood of

TURKEY EMERITUS: Pete Gaughan, 502 Mt. Dell Drive, Clayton, CA 94517-1503, (925) 673-3396 ($4)

gaughan of

GM: Jim-Bob Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327, (401) 351-0287

Game Notes (back from the tropopause):

1) All current and former players are welcome to comment on the endgame statements. Will Conrad von Metzke, the BNC, take note of this game finish?

End Game Statements (more are welcome!):

France (survives) - Paul Rauterberg

In my very first game of postal Diplomacy (back in, ahem, 1974) I learned, at the hands of Edi Birsan, that smart French and English players ignore English Channel to their dire peril.... So what did I do here? I paid it no heed, and wound up losing Brest in F'01.

Luckily, I did cover Bur to stave off the accompanying German invasion. This enabled me to hold off the continuing incursions of E/G, who ignored events in the East at their own peril. R/T consumed Austria with a will, and soon were pecking away at the periphery of Germany's empire.

At long last, my F/G tormentors realized that there was more to the game than the simple containment of France. As they turned to deal with the growing eastern menace, I moved toward Italy with an eye to my own aggrandizement. My eventual stab at the Boot was not my most graceful act, however, and Italy offering himself up as a puppet to the Turkish navy. I found myself playing defense. Again.

Nothing leads to general inertia throughout the board than a Western Triple Alliance, which is what we of necessity had formed here. When convinced of this awful reality, the Turkish Sultan agreed to join me in a quick split of the Italian dots: Simon didn't seem to care much, one way or another, anyway....

Back when I was still being assailed by the E/G alliance, I had pleaded, begged, almost grovelled for the formation of a F/R ``ends against the middle" pact. The Tsar spurned my entreaties, however, and bid to consume the centerboard on his own. When his advances stalled in Nwg and at the gates of Munich, Russia lost momentum and found himself at the mercy of his erstwhile Turkish ally. Pummelled by the competing forces of G/T, the empire of the Tsar faded into insignificance.

The raison d'etre of the Western Triple, Russia's containment, became a moot issue. With the navy of Turkey contained in the area of Italy, and with Germany expanding all too rapidly to the eastward, England and I saw no reason not to make eliminate this menace while still we could! Germany dropped like a rock into the bottomless pit.

Could the game ``have play in it" past this point? Possibly for Turkey, who might have advanced fleets into Tus and then into Pie, thus loosening my hold on GOL. But what the heck? I saw that coming mile away....

Congrats to Mike and Keither for their well played game, and (what the heck?) kudos to the Duck for weathering the storm to the bitter end! Tro and I are beginning to play these games like pecker-sizing contests. Will we ever prove anything?

((I don't know, but I enjoy watching the two of you play. I hope that Keith doesn't go into retirement now.))

COLUMBUS CHILL: 1993 J, Regular Diplomacy



Fall 1920

AUSTRIA (Davis): a BUD-gal.

FRANCE (Zarr): f bre-GAS, a MAR S f spa(nc), a POR S f spa(nc), f SPA(NC) S f mid, f MID S f spa(nc).

GERMANY (Jones): f hol-BEL, f ENG C a lon-bre, f nth-LON, a BUR S FRENCH a mar, a GAL S a ukr,

a MOS-sev, a VIE S a tyo, a BOH S a vie, a MUN S a tyo, a TYO S a vie, a lon-BRE,

a pic-PAR, a UKR S a gal, f IRI S FRENCH f mid, f NAO S FRENCH f mid.

TURKEY (Weiss): a BUL S a rum, f tyh-TUS, f BLA S a sev, a RUM S AUSTRIAN a bud (otm),

a VEN S a tri, a TRI farts (h), a SER S AUSTRIAN a bud (otm), f GOL S f pie, a SEV S a rum,

f WES S f naf-mid, f NAF-mid, f PIE dumps bilge water on mar (h), f ADR S a tri.

Supply Center Chart

AUSTRIA (Davis): bud (has 1, even)
FRANCE (Zarr): por,spa,mar (has 5, rem 2)
GERMANY (Jones): mun,kie,ber,den,hol,bel,swe,nwy, (has 15, bld 2)
TURKEY (Weiss): ank,con,smy,bul,rum,sev,gre, (has 13, even)
Neutral: none (Total=34)

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Rick Davis, 2009 Bodega Avenue, Petaluma, CA 94952, (707) 773-1044

redavis914 of

FRANCE: Harold Zarr, 215 Glen Drive, Iowa Falls, IA 50126-1957, (515) 648-2821

GERMANY: Charles Jones, 1722 Quail Circle, Corona, CA 91720-4155, (909) 735-8981

RUSSIA: Eric Schlegel, 314 Fords Lane, Aberdeen, MD 21001, (410) 272-3314

TURKEY: Richard Weiss, 500 Beale St. # 104, San Francisco, CA 94105, (415) 512-7221

rcw of

GM: Jim-Bob Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327, (401) 351-0287

Game Notes:

1) All draws and concessions are still rejected. With winter orders please vote on a concession to Germany, and FG, FGT, GT, and FGTA draw proposals.


(GERMANY >> > PHIL R.): Most people in the hobby that I've known, that have also played in a game with Richard Weiss, don't want to ever meet him. You are not the first to express this sadly, very common feeling.

(GERMANY >> > FRANCE): I enjoy reading coherent press. Richard's press is way beyond incoherent. I'd say that it is disoriented, irrational, disordered, muddled, disjointed, deranged, illogical, inconceivable, preposterous, and rudimentary. He mainly seems to be writing to Jim. It is wonderful how he is going crazy with the game now.

(GERMANY >> > JIM-BOB): You know what I meant. Have you ever seen a Turkey and Austria alliance succeed with a T/A draw? Either by the Turkish and Austrian players eliminating all the other players, or by all the surviving players voting them a draw? ((Sure, I've seen most everything you can easily imagine at one time or another.))

(TUR-ALL): I am going to stop any abusive press. The last issue crossed my boundaries of reasonableness. My kids could always choose to use whatever words they wanted as long as they knew that others would probably have reactions and possible consequences for some. Those were the traditional swear words. It was always cute to see when a 2-year old saves the big ``Fuck" word for a moment they feel is appropriate at the dining table with the grandparents. Let's say it got them, and me, in lots of trouble through about 7 years old and then no more. Just when the other kids were getting into use for emphasis, my kids were tired of it. And for that and other reasons, I've had no rebellion by my first two teenagers. They didn't even pretend that they were becoming nuns.

A detour here. I am most proud of my sociological daughter (wife's by another marriage, but I raised) for being the first to ever start a ``Western European Culture Club" in a California High School - and probably in the US. It caused quite a local stir and some statewide problems/news. But, it was no different than many of the other ``culture clubs" which were blatant ethnicist groupings.

Back to the swear words, my kids, and no more abusive press. There were a very few words which my kids knew would get reactions from me. One was ``nigger" and one was ``fag." Almost any label with negative prejudice (look up the word in the dictionary, it does not necessarily mean negative) for a class of people which denigrates the individual by lumping into a perjorative obtains a response from me. Why it is funny or clever or abusive or whatever was your intention - I hope that you copied it out of a book somewhere and thought you were being a plagiarist.

I've been in the hobby since before JimBob called it TAP - in fact my file folder with TAPs is still labeled something else. I'll give anyone (or everyone) in this game a free year's sub to TAP if they can tell Jim by next issue what at least one such title was. ((OK, let's see if that gets any response...)) I've seen such perjorative press before. I've seen it in games where some people talked about niggers and one of the players was a nigger (in the sense that the person using the label meant it). I've seen it about fags. I've seen it about prisoners, murderers and Father rapers, but not about anyone who's ever eaten at Alice's Restaurant. Let's just keep it amongst ourselves and not involve classes of people. OK?

I actually was going to write about no more abusive press - because that part has become not fun for me. I did want to ask my fellow players if they knew how many ``Draw lines," there are in the game of Dip? Absolute, can't be broken, there are enough SC's to support, enough units can defend, etc. draw lines. Maybe it is easily retrievable on-line now, I don't know. Maybe tactics aren't as much discussed, even in snail zines with lots of press and writings. But, do you know? Do you care? Do you know whether A-T had a draw line or even does now?

Why would I ask - for the same reason I play. The game is a complex mix of 7 people plus GM. The fun is in having a challenge amongst equals with people who play for more or less the same reason (goal) that I do. If we have separate goals then the fun is a little bit less to a lot less. I have acknowledged since year 2 of my play in the Hobby that I do play for a slightly different goal then most - I play for the original creator's goal. The original creator's goal (quick, this could generate another offer of a free year's sub, Jim, hold my keys, don't edit it so I do offer anything, ``Can you spell his name correctly. Twice the reward if you know which countries he thought were the strongest." I can't. Nor do I remember, but we were all surprised because statistical reality didn't hold to his imagination as the creator.) was a solo victory. The only other condition was also Jim-Bob's - a DIAS.

I think this has been the most fun game I've played in a long time. Thank you. I still have a little left though, and hope that we each examine the goals that we had along the way and what we thought we'd accept as a final solution, and compare what will be the ending with what we imagined. I think there has been a lot of change during this game. Interesting. Why I play the game. Why it mirrors life. Why no two games can possibly be similar - even with similar moves.

(MINUTES FROM THE HOF COMMITTEE): Mike B: So it is unanimous. We all vote that Richard Weiss will not be allowed to play any longer, or even think about Diplomacy, because he is a total and complete moron and an embarrassment to the hobby.

Personal Note to You:

File translated from TEX by TTH, version 1.66.