August 4, 1998 3

Produced by Jim Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327 USA, (401)351-0287 Accessible through Internet at burgess of; FAX to (401) 277-9904

CORRECTED LYRICS - Boob Blows It Again!

``We gonna pitch a Wang Dang Doodle all night long... all night long, all night long...'' lyrics by Willie Dixon, sung by Koko Taylor.

Go to Vertigo Games XII and pitch that Wang Dang Doodle all night long!!

NEWS FLASH: Hasbro has taken over Avalon Hill, including the rights to Diplomacy, and laid off all current employees. There is no word at this time what will be done to the game, or what Hasbro's relationship to the hobby will be. A discussion is beginning that will address what stance we (the hobby) should take (proactive in some way for sure) toward Hasbro. More on this next issue, but if you want to be part of the discussion, send the MESSAGE:

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The game Diplomacy is a copyrighted product of Hasbro and all reproductions or other use of that material in this szine is intended to be personal use and not infringe on those rights in any way. All reproductions are done at a heavy financial loss to the editor and thus are without the remotest possibility of commercial intent, except to promote THE game, the Game of Diplomacy, which you all should purchase from Hasbro or other duly licensed distributors. Nevertheless, Hasbro may not agree with that stance.

Lots of interesting reading in this issue, with some material held for next time. Since I had a pretty small window for getting this issue done around some other time committments AND that THREE, count 'em, THREE, games ended last issue. I have held up the Game Reports and will put all of them in the next issue. As a result, I've also extended the deadline for the receipt of end game statements and all of the players get one more issue in their life of the game sub. That should be a fair deal for everyone but me. As a follow up to the apologies of last time, I misplaced some letters which I have found for this time. They should be in there below. In particular, there is a revised final season for Covington Cross since I did have Stan Johnson's orders after all! And, in addition to that, I missed said pretty small time window and am getting this out in time I didn't think I had (and probably don't). This pushes deadlines back yet another week, which I thought I couldn't do, but now will work.

The postal sub price is a flat $1.00 per issue in the US and Canada, a bargain at twice the price.... but you can double that for other foreign subbers (or $2.00 per issue sent airmail). This price is sure to rise in the near future as I add pages and subszines and like. I am trying to decide how much to raise it. Any subs that come in before I announce the new price will be counted with these rates, of course. Players in current games and standbys will continue to get the issues for free, and new game starts (except for Nuclear Yuppie Evil Empire Diplomacy, which is free) cost $15.00 ($10.00 for a life of the game subscription and $5 for the NMR Insurance). Remember that music comments and reviews are scattered through the game press at times.

Check out the connections in the Diplomatic Pouch with all of the information you need to play Diplomacy on the Internet at:

Through Jamie McQuinn's Postal portion of the Pouch:

the szine resides in html format. Presently, issues from #190 to the current issue are there, and I will be updating the back issues gradually in the near future.

The most recent issue also can be accessed through David Wang's and Pete Sullivan's web pages. David has grabbed and reserved the HIGHLY prized name:!! His szine Metamorphosis may be found there, along with the latest issue of this szine, plus some information on John Caruso's baseball league - which yours truly plays in. I still want to review David's web site in some detail and will do so presently. His ``version'' of this szine is somewhat more html.friendly than the one I created, so please check it out. Also, look at the Caruso baseball league chat to see what some old semi-retired Dippers are up to with their spare time. I'm doing real well again this season while trying to play for next year. Next year, when I'll be aiming for the World Championship, I'll probably stink up the joint.

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sent to majordomo of gets you off the list. Please make careful note of that as well since you generally can get yourself off the list a lot easier than I can, and NOBODY likes to see unsubscribe messages sent to the entire list. A big, big thank you for David Kovar for setting this all up!! The Cal Tech ftp site is being mirrored on the machine as well. Issues of The Abyssinian Prince #131 to #186 are available via anonymous FTP from in the pub/diplomacy/Zines/TAP directory in compressed postscript format. I will be putting all of these issues up in html format at the aforementioned site and more. We'll get all that straightened out soon. The gracious assistance of Kevin Roust is most appreciated in keeping up these archive sites for the old issues. The files begin and go sequentially from there. The Caltech site is at:


Yes, this is a ``two-fer" and these guys will be on the main list until issue 215. Michalski's address is known to many people, I believe, but you need to get him to write me a letter! As far as I know, no one has heard from Al since he received a job promotion over ten years ago and resigned from all his games. I was a standby for him in at least one of those games. John, of course, is best known for his roving subszine, Mos Eisley Spaceport and Al was one of the great szine publishers of the early 80's. More on them and their publications in future issues. Go to it, guys, each one is worth $50 in cash and prizes!!

This is now going to be a regular continuing feature of the szine and I will be introducing a new ``search for'' every five issues. Moreover, you can win a $25 prize for finding some previous target who went unfound in the original $50 period. That means that if Kevin Tighe or Garret Schenck or Jerry Lucas or Dan Stafford is ``found'' from now on it is worth $25. Plus, Steve Emmert will throw in another ten spot for Garret Schenck if you can get Garret to write to him.

Winners will receive credit for Dip hobby activities that I will pay out as requested by the winner. Bid on PDORA items, subscribe to szines here or abroad, run your own contests, publish a szine, or whatever. Spend it all right away or use me as a bank to cover hobby activities for years. What must you do to win? Get me a letter to the editor for TAP from the person we're searching for. This is very important, just finding them doesn't do it. They have to write me a letter. The final judge as to the winner of any contest will be the target himself and I reserve the right to investigate the winning entry. When you find someone I'm looking for, you should ask him to send me a letter for print that includes a verification of who ``found'' him.

Mike Barno (5/26/98)

``Search for Sleaze'': Last time I called Stafford's adoption of an orphaned United league his ``main positive contribution to the hobby.'' That's because I'm cynical about his other hobby project, a rating system. I think it was total Calhamer Points over the last five yours or however long it took to make Dan come out on top of the rankings. He sent occasional updates to Tom Swider and me for The Shogun's Sword. We published them despite chuckling at the self-promotion.

((I lost this one temporarily and Mike then tried to recreate it...))

Mike Barno (21 July 1998)

I think the only item worth restating from the letter and the press that disappeared ((I found them.... sheepish grin....)) was a note on Dan Stafford's one fling with Hobby Custodian-Type Activity. In the early eighties, Dan would occasionally compile standings for his rating system (Calhamer points in the most recent five years, or however long since he'd started winning postal Dip games), and send them to a couple of pubbers. One was Tom Swider, whom I helped with The Shogun's Sword. When I eased Tom out the door, er, saved TSS when he would have folded it, I continued carrying what I called the ``Staffordness Rankings''. They were a brag sheet (designed to remind people that Stafford and Kathy Byrne won most in that era) but I wasn't about to turn down hobby-relevant stuff for my subscribers to read.

Mike, 634 Dawson Hill Road, Spencer, NY 14883


The British representative is the editor of Mission From God, John Harrington. John may be contacted at 1 Churchbury Close, Enfield, Middlesex EN1 3UW, UK (johnh of or JHarrington of The representives in Australia (John Cain, PO Box 4317, Melbourne University 3052, AUSTRALIA) or Belgium and some other European countries (Jef Bryant, Rue Jean Pauly, 121, B-4430 ANS, BELGIUM) also will forward your subscription on to the editor in either Australian dollars or continental European currencies respectively. Please include the full name and address of the foreign publisher with your order, if possible, as well as the szine title. Make your check in US dollars out to me personally. I will conduct business for Canadians as well, if I can, but prefer to deal in US dollars with them if possible, or Canadian dollars cash. To subscribe to American szines, the system works in reverse.

DIPDOM NEWS SECTION (with letters)

Obscure and not-so-obscure ramblings on the state of the hobby and its publications, custodians, events, and individuals with no guarantee of relevance from the fertile keyboard of Jim-Bob, the E-Mail Dip world, and the rest of the postal hobby. My comments are in italics and ((double quotation marks)) like this. Bold face is used to set off each individual speaker. I should also make a note that I do edit for syntax and spelling on occasion.

See potentially earthshattering note above. Would you like Hasbro to make Diplomacy into a CD-Rom shoot-'em-up, like it did with Risk when it bought that? I consider it a distinct possibility.

I also want to HEAVILY promote the upcoming Vertigo Games XII that Brad Wilson is holding in the usual Paoli location just outside Philadelphia over Labor Day weekend. Unlike other years, the event does not start until around noon on Saturday and then runs through the rest of the weekend. I am trying to figure out how much and how I will attend, but I WILL be there. I've promised such things far too often and not followed through, but I've worked too hard this year not to play a little. I'm going. Full directions and details can be obtained from me by E-Mail or snail mail. You can also write directly to Brad Wilson at 123 N. 3rd St., Easton, PA 18042-1803 - not where the con is being held. I wanted to put all the directions in here, but holding up the szine to type them did not seem like a good idea. Jack and Maria McHugh, Paul and Sandy Kenny, Tom Swider, Mike Barno, and the adorable Courtemanche family are all likely co-host/attendees. This quite simply is the best housecon still extant, even if Brad does auction off beds in ways perceived obnoxious by some. You also get to hear Jack McHugh snore, an earthshattering event not to be missed!


This section is developing a list of the great party singles of the century. You'll get a definite sense of quirky before we're done. You'll also get a sense of timelessness. I'll assume that I'll also get some comments from some of you. Then, I'm going to set a slate of 20 or so (perhaps more at the rate my thinking is going) and DEMAND votes from you out there. I may get a bit obnoxious on that score as the great freedom to work and play will generate a responsibility to offer some opinions as we near the end of the century. I intend to have a lot of fun with this, and hope all of you do too. We'll end up with a monster party tape at the end of it that I plan to segue and sequence and copy for distribution. The result will be a great New Millenium party tape. So far, we have ``I Melt With You'' by Modern English; George Gershwin's ``I got Plenty O' Nuttin' '' from Porgy and Bess in the 1957 concert recording with Ella Fitzgerald finishing off the vocals after Louis Armstrong blows and sings through the tune; Duke Ellington performing Billy Strayhorn's ``Take the A Train''; Frank Sinatra's ``New York, New York''; and Koko Taylor singing Willie Dixon's ``Wang Dang Doodle''.

I'm not going to choose one this issue, I'm busy sorting through a bunch of possible selections. Instead, I'm going to add two my own to the bullpen. There's Something About Mary, Rhode Island's Farrelly brothers latest flick, features a guy as the Greek chorus who is VERY familiar to TAP readers. Yes, it's none other than Jonathan Richman! He did a cameo in Kingpin and has a neat meaty role here. Hie yourself out to see this one! It's one of the best of the summer. Another ``summer'' song in the sense of being ``hot'' is Buster Poindexter's (aka David Johanson, ex-New York Dolls) ``Hot, Hot, Hot''. Is it too much a novelty song??

The ``bullpen'' is the list of suggestions that people make that I haven't decided whether or not to include yet. Comments on the bullpen are, of course, actively encouraged.

BULLPEN: ``Fire on the Mountain'' - the Grateful Dead; Devo - ``Whip It"; B Movie - ``Nowhere Girl"; B-52s - ``Give Me Back My Man" or ``Rock Lobster"; ``Roadrunner'' - Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers; ``Hot, Hot, Hot'' - Buster Poindexter.

Mike Barno (21 July 1998)

In case you don't read Northern Flame ((I don't.)): `` `(Dawn Upshaw) records exclusively (emphasis added) for Nonesuch, Teldec, and Erato. She may also be heard on Angel/EMI, Sony Classical, Deutsche Grammophon, London and Telarc.' I wonder if this writer also does wedding vows.'' ((Indeed, thanks Mike, for passing that along. Actually, it sounds more like a writer cribbing from a publicist shill sheet. You know, if you want to write a review of something, you can just take what the artist's publicist sends you, use that as boilerplate, add a few choice adjectives of your own, and you're done.))

No no no! It's ``pitch a Wang Dang Doodle'', not ``pinch your...'' The point of the song is declaring a party with raucous music. The ``sawdust on the floor'' is to dance on without scuffing and tripping. ((I know, I know.... I've never been all that great with lyrics, as anyone who has been with me for a long time knows. On this one, I had this feeling I had it wrong, so I went and listened to that part about 20 times over. Then I decided that if the lyric wasn't what I thought it was, I didn't know what it was, so I just stuck it in there. I figured, if I was wrong, someone might tell me and I'd find out something. If I had asked what it was, no one would have answered me and I wouldn't have known anything (with my luck on mini-contests around here). I've now determined that the best way to run a contest is to make intentional and unintentional mistakes.))

I can't give you a recommendation for a `Fire on the Mountain'' recording, as all of my versions are on bootlegs. It's not even on the greatest-hits album Skeletons From the Closet. ((You will give me some credit for realizing upfront the bootleg likelihood....)) Oops, wait - I have some CDs but no working CD player, and a check of these neglected discs shows ``Fire'' on the Shakedown Street album (1978). It's a good version, but no Dead recordings capture the magic of a live show. Even a good cover band jamming on the foundations of this tune in a park can turn strangers to friends and turn friends to lovers.

Mike, 634 Dawson Hill Road, Spencer, NY 14883

((I might have Shakedown Street somewhere.... now I think I recall the tune. This was while I was part of the program staff on my college radio station which, like most college radio program staffs of the time, were sharply divided into pro-Dead and anti-Dead with never the twain shall meet. As you know, I was on the anti-Dead side, but I've always liked some Dead songs. There was one song on that album that I really liked, I'll try to find the album and listen to it to discover if that's the one. If it is, it probably will go on the list, because that's exactly the kind of song I'm looking for - the one that even makes the non-fans of the artist groove. One artist who is causing my brain (and feet) no end of despair is George Clinton. I ***MUST*** have a Parliament/Funkadelic/Clinton song on this list, but I'll be damned if I can decide which one. Is it the original poppy ``I Just Wanna Testify'', the blasting funk of ``Let's Take It to the Stage'', the silliness of Bootsy's Rubber Band which puts the current swing revival to shame with songs like ``The Pinocchio Theory'', or one of innumerable great songs of the 80's? Help gratefully appreciated....))

Roland Sasseville (Mon, 29 Jun 1998 15:32:19 EDT)

Hi Jim, I do not get around to writing about music too often, but it has always been an interest of mine. As you may or may not know I was a DJ for eight years. ((I remember...)) I did schools and weddings as well as the last two years at the Rusty Scupper before they were closed. What motivated this quick note was the recent B-52 and Pretenders concert I went to last weekend at Great Woods. For those who are not locals Great Woods is an excellent venue for music. It is an outdoor partly enclosed stadium with excellent acoustics. I guess because I was a child of the eighties my musical tastes will always keep some part of that era in mind. Like any period of music, much of it is fluff and one hit wonders come and go. The Pretenders however still have it. I did not realize at the time how many hits they actually had and that several of their tunes have been used in ads, background music, and other things over the years. Chrissy still has a powerful voice and belted out all the classics. ((At the time of their highest popularity, I recall that she was one of the few people (Sting was the other) who actually filled an arena with their charisma and voice. In the meantime, I have sworn off arena concerts and haven't been to one in ten years.)) The only time she silenced the crowd was when she sang a ballad in Spanish that is on her new album. It was OK but this was not the audience for a Spanish ballad. Other than this the Pretenders were awesome. The B-52's were also excellent. You rarely see a more energetic group on stage. Due to a stupid curfew they had just a one song encore, ``Rock Lobster'', which ended the night on a high note. Most of their songs were excellent with a good selection from their many albums. One thing though, is it just me or are the songs with the guy in them better than those with just the girls? Anyway, I am going to Lilith Fair in August and maybe the Bare Naked Ladies free concert in Boston next week. The new song one week is getting a ton of airplay around here and it isn't even out yet. How does he sing so fast yet so clearly? ((Yeah, it has my ear grabbed too!))

Roland, Djrolandb of

((Stan's letter below was lost with his orders, of course. I'm glad I finally printed it! Thanks, Stan.))

Stan Johnson (5-22-98)

Jim, I agree with Brad Wilson's recent comments regarding General Washington. Washington had seen the troops behave well in New England and I believe his overly optimistic disposition on Long Island and New York were based on expecting a similar performance there. In addition to the qualities Brad mentions, both Washington and Arnold had the ability to inspire their troops to extraordinary efforts. I recently read two historical novels dealing with the same series of battles on the New York/Canadian border, from different sides: Sargeant Lamb's America by Robert Graves and Rabble in Arms by Kenneth Roberts. Arnold came off well in both books.

To John Schultz, while the heart of the American people is often in the right place; the heart of the Government rarely is. Very few decisions our Government makes about who to support overseas would be approved by the people, if they knew the facts. I also agree with many of Mr. Harrington's statements. Often, when I hear someone talking about how Americans live better than anywhere else or have the most freedom: I ask them, ``Have you ever been anywhere else?'' The usual answer is no; so I ask them what their statements are based on; it's usually someone/The Government told them so; and they didn't need to think about it on their own. With so many people doing time for non-violent drug offenses and property being seized from people who have not been found guilty of any crime; I don't see America as being a very free place. You have a right to say no; the antidrug commercials scream you have a right to say no; but no right to say yes. That seems to be the kind of rights we have in America these days. With the average murderer doing six years and people doing life without possibility of parole for possession of marijuana, I don't think much of our justice system either.

Of course, we do get to spend our national treasure and the lives of our best young people sending military forces all over the world sticking their noses into everybody's business; rather than wasting that money on improving the quality of life here at home.

Stan Johnson, 1254 East Broadway Road, Apt. 56, Mesa, AZ 85204-2223

((Thanks, Stan. I've probably been bending too many people's ears about how busy life has been for me lately. I told Eric, ``The burning out is WORK related. I haven't had any time for any outside activities, including Dip. Actually, I'm enjoying the szine just fine, if only I had time to work on it.''))

Eric Ozog (Sat, 18 Jul 1998 00:20:37 -0700)

Jim-Bob, I know what you mean. I feel rather burned out from work also-there are just too many projects going on at the same time. Combined with that, playing with the kids and helping Cathy get them ready for bed, other domestic duties and keeping fit has just about used up all of my free time-then if you want to do something special like go to a movie or go camping (like we are this weekend), there goes the rest of it.

My brother Kurt likes the new Mekons album. I read the review of it and it really wasn't all that informative about the music-the review just focused on the sexually explicit ``concept album" lyrics. How do the songs musically measure up to Retreat from Memphis or Rock 'N' Roll? ((Actually, surprisingly well. I am liking the record more and more the more I play it! It has bouncy and infectious beats like some of the songs on the two records you mention. I may have time to say more about it in a future issue.))

There's a new Loud Family album out called Days for Days and the review I read was favorable. Can't wait to get it-I'll probably order it directly thru the Web because my closest record store that sold hip music went out of business about a year or so ago and local chain stores probably won't have it.

I saw Terry Tallman a month ago-he and his wife Judy held a house con at their new ranchette. They have about a dozen horses and the huge log cabin they live in is gorgeous-the kind of home I wouldn't mind having built for ourselves someday. I'm not the do-it-yourself Jeremiah Johnson type but being a ranger dude I can appreciate the rustic aesthetic. Cathy and Ryan were sick so Shannon and I took the ferry across the Sound to Port Orchard to get there. It was an hour wait for the Edmonds-Kingston boat and not worth the wait, but Shannon liked the ride on the ``bus boat." Steve and Daf Langley were there-it was nice to see them again and I haven't seen them in 4 years. Steve is working long hours for a computer consulting firm programming to solve the Year 2000 virus. He says the problem is real, and although it won't bring about the end of the world, it will cause some chaos. Also met an acquaintance of Terry's. We played a game of the Settlers of Catan with the 6 of us (Shannon played too-she needed help and although her 2 little villages got boxed in, she did fine for 5 years old). That's all who showed up- Pacific Northwest cons just attract a few deadwood and their offspring. The next Deadwoodcon at our house in the Washington Cascades will be October 10-12, 1998. Anyone is welcome, just let me know if you'll be coming and I'll get you directions. I'm even willing to pick up people from SeaTac airport. One thing I'll say about all our housecons in the NW: they're free! Not like Shorecon, which charges a fee for everything, including how much floor space you'll need to roll your sleeping bag on (Brad charges by the square foot I hear). But you folks ``Back East" are used to paying fees for everything I guess.

Best, Eric, elferic of

Richard Weiss (Sun, 26 Jul 1998 23:30:33 -0700)


Music: Jim, I owe you and your readers quite a lot of thanks. Over the years you have included reviews of so many great albums and bands. I follow-up on a fair number of those that sound within my area of interest and close to it but potentially able to point me in a new direction. I was recently reminded of such when perusing the local ``Underground" The Bay Guardian, I saw that that very night, Son Seals was to play in John Lee Hooker's ``Boom-Boom Room." Never having been to this newer establishment and only knowing about Son Seals because of you and your readers, I went to the show. Small bar. Tables for maybe 60 people. Dance floor for about that number. My lucky night, got there as the first band was finishing and all the seats were taken and the dance floor was empty. I ``had" to go stand on the dance floor (Someone from the first row of tables actually got up and pulled my sleeve to let me know that I was obscuring his view. I shrugged and told him he hadn't seen nothin' yet) and then others started coming and it was moot). Well, pretty soon the bands playing, after a couple of hot songs they bring out Son and the place started swaying with hot electric Chicago blues. They were technically great - but no one in the band ever smiled except when I bought one of the CDs and told the bass player - you guys ought to look like you are enjoying yourselves, eh?)

I saw the Commander recently in a similar size bar in Mill Valley - ``The Sweetwater" which probably has the best musical talent of any similar venue. That would be interesting - to see who thinks they have a local bar that has the same quality. And then divide the quality by the number of people who live within 10 miles of the bar. I can't imagine that Sweetwater wouldn't win. I was again forced to take a spot right next to the stage - they don't really have a dance floor there except standing as the side ``people" for the band's right. They enjoyed themselves. They played well, but it was almost song for song from their Greatest Hits release and had only a little explorational inspiration. (Oh, for those who aren't anywhere near as old as I am, Commander Cody and the Lost Planet Spacemen had some very large hits, mostly anti-establishment up with drugs song such as ``Lost in the Ozone," ``Hot Rod Lincoln" and ``(Down to) Seeds & Stems (Again)." I first saw them in LA in about 1973 with Black Oak Arkansas. My first mega-concert of the summer (but coming up in quick succession are: Pretenders/B52s; ((See Roland's review of that combo above... I picked up Roland as a subber from your szine, you will recall, even though he lives a few miles away from me.)) BBKing/Neville Brothers; Santana/Los Lobos. Then the mighty Russian River Jazz festival and the SF Blues Festival. Oh my goodness) - Rusted Root (Okay, I admit, I never heard of them, they are Phish-like, 8 instruments no horns) and then Hot Tuna in its newest version of Jorma and Jack and a drummer, keyboardist and rhythm guitar. No Will Scarlet and new blues harp. They had more instruments playing then I prefer for the pure lines that Jorma and Jack put out and then play off each other so exquisitely. Mostly jass-blues in selection, half new stuff. The best of the night (Ok, maybe the first peak) was Rusted Root ending and Hot Tuna and the horn man from the final group coming out and playing ``You can't always get what you want" with two near mind-blowing solos by Jorma and Jack. This is the defining rendition of that great party song. Then, eat your heart out Mike Barno (although, despite my date's insistence and karma-prayers, they did not play ``Fire on the Mountain"), came The Other Ones on the final stop of their 22 gig tour. 4 ex-Dead members and 4 people to take Jerry's place (well, one to take one of the Drummer's place). They were the best Dead-cover band I ever heard. In fact, I often thought they were the Dead in places. They played a couple of new songs but mostly Dead favorites and almost never stopped the music. Very Dead-like playing around with the end of one song while 2-3 of the members put in riffs of the song they want to play and then the band agreeing on the new song and going into it - including one lyrical opening from one song that started with the old song's rhythm and notes transitioned into the notes and rhythm of the subsequent. The 4 new guys played drums, guitar, horn and slide guitar. The horn was a great touch. One of the others was a slide guitar - a requirement to fill some of the space Garcia could play. I don't know the names of these new dudes, but will be watching for. Over 5 hours of music, very short breaks, outdoors on the grass, lots of space, constant drug partying all around, an attempted sense of community and sharing ethos. Just a great excuse for one of my favorite forms of dancing -Deadrobics!!! Other recent surprise enjoyment was walking into a local club and hearing the Booker Jones band. The next day I bought two Booker T and the MGs CDs. Great keyboardist. Maybe playing better and with more fun now than back then. If these guys come to your town - know who Booker Jones is and go.

In response to you and Mike on the lyrics for TAP #205 - I've seen and have CD's of Koko Taylor and Buddy Guy (4 of his) but never heard her do ``Wang Dang Doodle'' with Buddy Guy. By the way, Buddy Guy is going to play this summer with Johnny Lang (who I don't really know except I thought he was in the ``Alternative" section in the record selections) and Koko Taylor played locally last night while I was at the Other Ones. I would say anything with Willie Dixon on vocals would be well appreciated. I've heard the lyrics not only from Koko, but Bob Weir, Marcia Ball, Tommy Castro and local bands. Yes, a wonderful raunchy blues beat. Singles for house dance parties. There are a lot that come to mind. My first thought is something from the Talking Heads Stop Making Sense CD. ((Yeah, I know, that's one of the things I'm pondering. I did decide that the Heads song I was going to choose HAD to come from that record. Good to see you agree.)) That was a near constant during much of my 80s. There is so much to choose from in the House-Techno era. Here's a one-of-a-kind selection - Strunz and Farrah - Americas. The wildest jazz picking of all time. My Rolling Stones selection that comes to mind is a song of theirs that I don't like unless it is at a dance party - and that is ``Midnight Rambler" which has enough changes and enough raunch to qualify as a ``let's get it on now in imitation of what we want to do later, i.e., fuck" song as there was at the time. Since few people will list such a corny song as ``La Macarena" and I lived through both reincarnations of popularity for the same song by the same ``artist" I would like to list that for the near-present and pre-techno era. ``Electric slide" for public dance halls. I am trying to get into swing. Cherry Poppin' Daddies are the only CD I own with any. The Brian Setzer Orchestra is coming to town and their new CD Dirty Boogie (?) has a great track I've heard. Any advice by anyone out there for ``contemporary" swing bands. ((My take so far is that Setzer is doing it the best. I still don't think they are as good as some of the 70's revivalists or surely than the originals, but the recording quality is WAY better!))

Reply to Mark Luedi: I ditto your comments about Garcia and Grisman's Shady Grove - quite a loveable CD. Thanks for all of the, to me, unknown bands, I will definitely look/listen for some of these.

Richard, rcw of

Steve Emmert (Fri, 31 Jul 1998 15:36:11 -0400)

My dear Jim-Bob - One man's bold prediction for the identity of the man who will hold Roger Maris's home run record at the end of this season: Roger Maris. Right now, with McGwire at 44 and three others at about 40, Maris looks to be in jeopardy, but I say the odds are he keeps the record. Now maybe Sammy Sosa will have another twenty-homer month and make me look stupid, but I think it's just too hard to keep up that pace for long. Maris hit eleven homers in the first three weeks of August 1961; let's see if any of these guys can keep up with that pace. (By the way, all it will probably take to erase Big Mac's chances is a single trip to the DL. And he's been none too durable over the years.)

If you're looking for new victims, sign me up for a game of Dip. But do I have to play Germany again? The last time I played a power other than the Huns in a postal game was about 1993. No, I'm not exaggerating. (Let me guess. Now I start five straight years of playing nothing but Italy, right?) ((Sure, why not??))

Hope you and Charlotte are well. Very best wishes.

Steve, SEMMERT of

((One of the best subszines and then szines of the last couple of decades featured the writing and political musings of Mark Lew. He's been very silent regarding us as he speaks with his other voice building a little opera singing career, but now is picking up the pieces a little bit. To encourage him, I'm printing this here. Send him E-Mail to tell him how much you enjoy it.))

eBenzene - by Mark Lew

The Croatian team's third-place finish in the World Cup gave the television stations a chance to remind viewers where that country is. Commentary on Croatia was by no means the least intelligent thing spoken in the course of World Cup television coverage, and sports announcers can't be expected to have a full knowledge of European history and politics. (They can, however, be expected to have a good grasp of the game of soccer, which at least one of them, Brent Musberger, clearly did not.) Still, two inaccurate labels caught my attention.

First, Croatia was referred to, more than once, as a ``Balkan" nation. Unless we are redefining the term (a case one might argue), it is not. There are two ways of looking at the term ``Balkan". Geographically, it suggests the mountainous Balkan Peninsula. Politically and historically, it suggests those European states which broke off from the Ottoman empire. Either way, Croatia is decidedly un-Balkan. The former Yugoslavia was a large country, uniting Balkan and non-Balkan nations. Serbia and Montenegro are certainly Balkan states, and Macedonia is the very heart of the Balkans. (It was for control of Macedonian territory that the first Balkan War was fought, bringing the term ``Balkan" into our vocabulary.)

Both historically and geographically, Croatia and Slovenia are properly grouped with Hungary and Austria. Even ``Eastern European" strikes me as debatable as a label for Croatia. In Germany they'd call them part of ``mitteleuropa". Here in America we like to divide Europe into two halves, in which case Croatia would fall in the eastern half, but it's worth mentioning that Zagreb is further west than Vienna.

Second, in the course of discussing I-forget-what, someone mentioned the ``ethnic struggle" in the former Yugoslavia. I've said this many times before, and I'll continue to say it (and I said it out loud to the TV), the conflict between Serbs and Croats is not ethnic, it is cultural. Serbs and Croats (and Bosnians) are of the same race. (There are other conflicts in the former Yugoslavia which are indeed largely ethnic, eg between Serbs and Albanians, but he was talking about Croatia.) The Serbs, Croats and Bosnians who hate one another make their distinction based on religion, which in that part of the world is as much about culture as it is religious faith. There are many causes of group struggle within a nation. The one we're having the most trouble with in America right now happens to be race, so we tend to project our experience and stick the label ``ethnic" on conflicts we see in other countries. Often this is reasonably accurate, sometimes it's not, and sometimes it's half true (as in South Africa, where there are both interracial and intraracial conflicts).

In many parts of the world, history unfolded in such a way that group identity tended to correspond with blood relation. Modern societies which were born out of such a tradition (in particular, nationalism as invented by the French) tend to be conscious of differences in race and skin color. In other parts of the world, race has traditionally been a relatively unimportant factor for group identity. As with most things, this is a consequence of geography. A nation born on a land which offers more in the way of mobility than fertility will tend to develop a society whose economic base is essentially commercial, built on making connections between neighboring societies, either through trade or plunder (which, economically at least, is a crude form of commerce) or usually some combination. Such societies - often nomadic, or at least urban with a mobile population - tend to produce insufficient population, and thus they encourage immigration (sometimes forcibly). Some examples in history are the Islamic empire, the various nomadic empires of the Central Asian steppe, and most notably, where the two aforementioned come together, the Ottoman Empire.

National identity is such nations is conspicuously non-ethnic. This does not mean that they were open and without prejudice - the Ottomans had very strict rules about Greeks, Armenians, and Jews - rather, it means that such terms are not defined by race. Thus, if we poke about in history we find ethnic surprises at all levels: a Byzantine emperor who turns out to have been an Arab, numerous Ottoman rulers were of non-Turkish descent, an Egyptian leader who really was black African, and so forth. These examples don't prove that these societies were remarkably open to outsiders - the Greek grand viziers were most certainly insiders - they demonstrate that the definition of ``outsider" in these societies had little to do with ethnicity.

Eastern Europe is not so color-blind as that (especially not in the north), but there was still a certain amount of Ottoman-like thinking in the multiracial Habsburg empire and in Russia. Even the Soviets, with all their internal divisions of national republics and provinces, didn't view nationality in strictly ethnic terms. (Consider, for example, the Jewish autonomous region.) I was reminded of this a few weeks ago, when I was at the Russian Center in San Francisco to hear my Russian friend sing. The emcee was a garrulous fellow who not only had a lot to say, but got to say it twice, once in Russian and once in English. Somehow he got onto the topic of Pushkin, prompting a little nationalist spiel which reminded me a little of the sort of thing they used to parody on the old Star Trek with the Chekov character:

``If Pushkin had been born in America," the emcee said, ``he would never have even been allowed to pick up a pen, because - and most Americans don't realize this - Pushkin was a black man. Most of us Russians know this, but we don't think about it much, because we don't care about the color of his skin. To us he's not black or white or any color, he's just a Russian." Clearly, this was an exaggeration, because even if Pushkin were black, in half of the United States at the time he would have been a free man, and even in the other half he still might have been allowed to write. On the other hand, I couldn't imagine he'd make this up out of absolutely nothing. Was Pushkin black? If so, it'd be a surprise that I hadn't heard before.

When I got home I looked it up, and it turns out that Pushkin was one-eighth black, which would indeed be enough to count him as a Negro in the southern states at the time (early 1800s). Pushkin's great-grandfather was an Abyssinian brought to Istanbul as a slave. (And here is a good time to remember that ``slave" does not necessarily connote the wretched condition we associate with the term. (American slaves were among the worst-treated in history.) A slave in Istanbul at this time (about 1700) may or may not be lower class, and might very well be more privileged than most of the population. Indeed, at that time much of the Ottoman government was run by people who technically were slaves.) Peter the Great, tsar of Russia, met him there, liked him, bought him, and brought him back to Russia.

All this talk of Yugoslavia reminds me of an article about Kosovo I wrote a ew months ago for one of the newsgroups.

I wrote this back in March, in response to a thread on one of the history newsgroups. (I think it was soc.history.medieval.) A guy there picked it up and, after asking my permission, posted it to the ExJugo list, which seems to be populated mostly by emigres opposed to Serbian nationalism.

I really couldn't tell you what's happening in Kosovo now. I don't pay much attention to international events anymore (and even less to national politics). But I do remember some history.

This is unedited, as written and posted in March, in the usual Usenet style, which may or may not make sense to you. I'm adding only rudimentary HTML codes. It's not worth the trouble to dress it up.

Kosovo Mythology (longish)

My apologies if I mess up any of the attributions, on this tangled thread.

John M. Atkinson: << The mythological connotations that have sprung up about the battle. Also the importance is so grossly exaggerated. Anyone here actually read modern Serb propoganda, besides myself? It's entertaining stuff, heavy with references to the Battle of Kosovo in contexts that make more or less no sense whatsoever. >>

I haven't read any modern propaganda, but I did read the original epic cycle (from a dingy old library book published some time around 1920, I don't recall the translator or publisher) when I was studying Balkan history. That was about two years ago, so the details aren't fresh in my mind. ((I wonder if I read the same book? I got much of my knowledge about the older history of the region from a similar book, and equally I can't recall anything specific to identifying it. Everything you are saying (in both messages) reminds me of what I concluded from reading that older context.))

EddieEffie wrote: << What mythology? That there WAS no battle? But there was... >>

Alex Milman wrote: << Yes, this was a rather strange statement. Battle definitely happened and it definitely was between Serbs and Turks. King of Serbia definitely had been killed in this battle. What's so mythological about it. I had read 2 different versions regarding Sultan's death but this is probably not what this post had in mind. >>

Setting aside for now the poetic/romantic significance that Serbian literature and culture attaches to the battle, the average educated person in America is quite misinformed about Kosovo. Among the misperceptions (which continue to be perpetrated in reference books and news accounts): that the battle was crucial militarily, enabling the Ottoman Turks to overrun the Balkans; and that the Serbian nation was united against the Turks.

(There is also the notion that the Ottoman Turks invaded Europe from Turkey. While strictly accurate, this ignores the fact that the Ottomans were no more native to the Balkans than they were to Asia Minor, and in fact in its early years the empire expanded more quickly in Europe than it did in Asia. By the time the Ottomans took Constantinople holdings in Europe and in Asia were of roughly equal size. And following its defeat in Asia by Timur in 1402, the Ottoman state was almost entirely European.)

Kosovo was a mopping-up operation for the Ottomans, and a desperate last-ditch stand for the non-Ottoman coalition. The key battle took place 18 years earlier on the Maritsa (1371) where the bulk of the Serbian army was annihilated. At that time a united Serbian force would have had a good chance to defeat the Ottomans, but the Serbs were hopelessly divided. The heart of Serbia was in the south, ruled by Stefan Nemanja's heir Uros (technically still tsar of Serbia, I think). Uros was well aware of the Ottoman threat and called on the northern nobles to join him in the battle - they were his pledged vassals, after all. But these northern nobles, these heroes who would later go down so gloriously at Kosovo, were typical barons. They had long been for all practical purposes independent, and they short-sightedly preferred to promote their own independence by abandoning their lord to his fate.

Most discussion one sees about Kosovo, even educated discussion, presumes the existence of a ``Serbia." In fact, there was no united Serbian state. Occasionally Serbia would be united under a strong leader like Nemanja or Dusan, and Serbia did have a national consciousness founded in its church and literature, but politically Serbia was generally no more united than Germany or Italy. Nor was there the sense of the Turks as the ``other" that prevails today. Both before and after Kosovo, Serbian nobles did not hesitate to pledge suzerainty to the Ottomans any time it served their local ambitions. Only a few years after Kosovo we find Stefan Lazarevic (son of Kosovo's heroic St Lazar) loyally serving as vassal to the Ottoman sultan. One might argue that a defeated prince has little choice but to submit. That's true enough, but it doesn't explain why in 1402 Lazarevic would travel all the way to Ankara to fight with Sultan Bayezid against Timur (Tamerlane). Nor would it explain why Vuk Brankovic, the supposed villain of Kosovo, did not submit until years after Lazarevic did.

This brings us to another point. Besides the obvious pro-Serb bias, the Serb national mythology is warped by a strong pro-Lazarevic bias. The epic poems were written in the court of Lazar's widow Militsa, so naturally Lazar was described as a saint. Lazar's former political enemies are all painted as bad guys, and Militsa's political rival Brankovic gets the worst treatment of all. Someone else on this thread mentioned treachery at Kosovo - that comes directly from the epics, which tell that Brankovic betrayed the Serbs to the enemy. Outside of the epics, evidence of this betrayal is scarce at best, but the poets' motive for discrediting Brankovic is clear. Militsa favored her son Stefan as heir to Lazar and leader of what remained of the Serbian nation; Stefan's main rival for that position was Vuk Brankovic, who had been an ally of Lazar and was married to his daughter. Thus her partisans' literary campaign against Brankovic.

But what really distorts the Serbian epics - and now I'm getting back to the true meaning of ``national myth" - is the Christian mysticism. Even more than in most nations, literature in Serbia was closely tied to the church. Serbia had its own independent church, and was blessed with a diligent group of monks and scholars (notably including Nemanja's son, St Sava), busily transcribing and writing at a pace which is astonishing considering the time period (early 13th century). The Serbian church, Serbian state and Serbian language were all closely identified. The epic poetry (although oral, not written) was born out of this tradition, so Christian symbolism was not just a habit but in a sense built into the language. Thus we have Lazar as Christ, Vuk Brankovic as Judas, and so forth.

So the tales of Kosovo are not simple historical accounts, they are spiritual stories about the national identity. This is what we mean when we refer to the ``national mythology" of Kosovo. As an example, a key theme in one of the epic cycles: On the eve of the battle, Lazar has a dream in which an angel of the Lord tells him he may have an earthly kingdom or a heavenly kingdom, but not both. Lazar chooses to have the heavenly kingdom, and by that choice he is fated to lose the battle. This story is offers a crucial insight into the Serbian national consciousness: as a nation, Serbia believes itself to be blessed but doomed.

Finally, Donald Tucker wrote: << ... Now try and tell all of this on TV without taking somebody's side! >>

I think a reluctance to ``take somebody's side" is a big part of what's wrong with a lot of popular history today. That sort of thinking is what made Robert D Kaplan's Balkan Ghosts such a disaster. It's a sad fact of our time that the history book which was arguably the most influential on U.S. foreign policy in the Balkans was written not by a historian but by a journalist. Kaplan seems to favor the MacNeill-Lehrer talking-heads approach to history, where you line up a bunch of partisans and let them each give their spiel....

* ``I'll not turn the other cheek if some Albanian plucks out the eyes of a fellow Serb, or rapes a little girl, or castrates a 12-year-old Serbian boy...."

* ``Thank you, Ms Serb ... How do you respond to that, Mr Albanian? *Should* she turn the other cheek?..."

Where's the critical analysis? Where's the basic fact-checking? As a journalist, Kaplan no doubt felt it was his job to let all the people tell their own stories, but if all the stories are myth, what does it accomplish except to compile a pack of insidious lies and publish them in the guise of history?

The biggest lie about the Balkans is that nationalism is ancient there. How many times during the war in Bosnia did we see some talk-show pundit opine, ``There are age-old hatreds there that one can't even begin to sort out"? That's a nice line if you want to look smart on TV but have no time to do any research. The only problem is that it's total crap. Nationalism in the Balkans is barely 150 years old, and even then it was born only after fertilization by the meddling of French and British diplomats.

mdl, markdlew of

((Amen, Brother Mark!! I'll withhold my overused perogative to have the last word other than that. If anyone other than Larry and Mark want to engage in this type of stuff, I'd be strongly encouraging it. Maybe sometime I'll write about the misconceptions of Diplomacy during World War II - some of it also concerning this very region. We were taught in school that everything (with the possible exception of Stalin and Hitler first being allied and then fighting) was completely black and white, when it was anything but.))


``I have never learned ... to play the lyre, but I know how to make a small and obscure city rich and great." (Themistocles, in Plutarch's Lives.)

If you want to submit orders, press, or letters by E-Mail, you can find me through the Internet system at ``burgess of''. If anyone has an interest in having an E-Mail address listed so people can negotiate with you by computer, just let me know. FAX orders to (401) 277-9904.

Standby lists: Mike Barno, John Breakwell, Dick Martin, Brad Wilson, Jack McHugh, Glenn Petroski, Steve Emmert, Mark Kinney, Vince Lutterbie, Eric Brosius, Doug Kent, Paul Rauterberg, Doug Essinger-Hileman, Stan Johnson, Harry Andruschak, Heath Gardner, Dave Partridge, Andy York, Michael Pustilnik, and John Schultz stand by for regular Diplomacy. Sean O'Donnell, Mike Barno and Andy York stand by for the Colonial Diplomacy game. Brad Wilson, Jack McHugh, Paul Kenny, and John Schultz standby for the Modern Diplomacy game. Let me know if you want on or off these lists. Standbies get the szine for free and receive my personal thanks. I'd really appreciate it if anyone wanted to be added to the lists.


The regular Diplomacy opening is nearly filled before I've even officially opened it up. Take that!!.... those of you who claim Postal Diplomacy is dead. I think I will actually end up starting two regular Diplomacy games. Anyone interested needs to get their money in now and we'll see where things shake out for next time. Depending on the final level of interest, I will surely open one and possibly open a second. So far, we have Warren Goesle ($15), Drew James, Luke Dwyer, and Steve Emmert for sure and some others have expressed interest.

Harry Andruschak would like me to run another variant, like ``1499, Stonehenge, and maybe you could talk to Brad Wilson about him letting you run a game of Philadelphia Dip.'' I'm sure I could. Any other ideas? I'm inclined to stop here for the moment, until I see how hard things like Breaking Away are to run. But, if you don't ask, you won't get....

On another front, I'd really like this Black Hole game to start too! Conrad von Metzke recently finished GMing a black hole game where you can freely jump over black holes instead of having them render spaces impassible. I played in this game and like the tactics of jumping over the black holes a great deal. Now there the black holes were random, but what would happen if you could plan them? The next NYEED game will feature this rule change and will be a 7x7 tourney format unless I am convinced otherwise. I am itching to get this game started, so it will start as soon as it is filled! You get a life of game sub, and the game itself is FREE!! Sandy Kenny, Mike Barno, and John Schultz are signed up. Off an offhanded suggestion in the NYEED press, we'll call it Nelson Mandela. Just four more and we'll get started! Come on, this one will be REALLY exciting!!

We also have the Breaking Away game filled and ready to start. See below. Rick Desper, Warren Goesle, David Partridge, John Schultz and the game's designer John Harrington are interested. Others?? Last chance! I'll get this up towards going next time. You can choose your team and racers names any time now. The rules were in last issue. Hey, this game is free!!

Otherwise Conrad von Metzke is the editor and publisher of Pontevedria, the game openings listing, if you're interested in other game openings. Send Conrad a SASE for the latest issue to: Conrad von Metzke, 4374 Donald Avenue, San Diego, CA 92117.

FEAR AND WHISKEY: 1998Ers31, Modern Diplomacy



Fall 1995

BRITAIN (Johnson): f nwg-NOR, f SAO S FRENCH f nav-por, f iri-IRE, f nth-BEL.

EGYPT (J. O'Donnell): f ESA-lib, a cai-ISR, f red-SAU.

FRANCE (Andruschak): f nav-POR, a lyo-SWI, a mar-MON, a auv-BAR.

GERMANY (Rauterberg): f BHM-swe, a ruh-HOL, f DEN S f bhm-swe,

a AUS takes yodelling lessons (h).

ITALY (Ozog): a MIL-aus, f MAL-lib, a ven-CRO, f ADR-ser.

POLAND (Sasseville): f LIT S a bie-lat, a CZE S GERMAN a aus, a bie-LAT.

RUSSIA (Goranson): a mos-BIE, a lat S a mos-bie (d r:est,stp,mos,otb), a FIN-swe,

f ros-geo (d r:vol,otb), f GOB S a fin-swe.

SPAIN (S. O'Donnell): f wme-TUN, a and-GIB, a SVE S a and-gib. TURKEY (Pollard): a arm-GEO, f ANK S a arm-geo, f ist-GRE, a BUL-ser.

UKRAINE (Partridge): a DON S f ebs-ros, a pod-HUN, a RUM S a pod-hun, f ebs-ROS.

Supply Center Chart

BRITAIN (Johnson): EDI,LIV,LON,bel,ire,nor (has 4, bld 2)
EGYPT (J. O'Donnell): ALE,ASW,CAI,isr,sau (has 3, bld 2)
FRANCE (Andruschak): BOR,LYO,MAR,PAR,bar,mon,por,swi (has 4, bld 4)
GERMANY (Rauterberg): BER,FRA,HAM,MUN,aus,den,hol (has 4, bld 3)
ITALY (Ozog): MIL,NAP,ROM,VEN,cro (has 4, bld 1)
POLAND (Sasseville): GDA,KRA,WAR,cze,lit (has 3, bld 2)
RUSSIA (Goranson): GOR,MOS,MUR,STP,bie (has 3 or 4 or 5, bld 2(2 r:otb)
or bld 1(r:otb) or even)
SPAIN (S. O'Donnell): MAD,SVE,gib,tun (has 3, bld 1)
TURKEY (Pollard): ADA,ANK,IST,IZM,bul,geo,gre (has 4, bld 3)
UKRAINE (Partridge): KHA,KIE,ODE,SEV,ros,hun,rum (has 4, bld 3)
Neutral: irn,lib,mor,ser,swe (Total=64)

Addresses of the Participants

BRITAIN: Jonas Johnson, 3649 SE 33rd Ave., Portland, OR 97202, (503) 238-4430 ($5)

EcidLor of

EGYPT: Jeff O'Donnell, 402 Middle Ave., Elyria, OH 44035-5728, (440) 322-2920 ($5)

FRANCE: Harry Andruschak, PO Box 5309, Torrance, CA 90510-5309, (310) 835-9202 ($5)

GERMANY: Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Dr., Greenfield, WI 53221, (414) 281-2339 (E-Mail)

prosit of

ITALY: Eric Ozog, PO Box 1138, Granite Falls, WA 98252-1138, (360) 691-4264 ($5)

ElfEric of

POLAND: Roland Sasseville, Jr., 38 Bucklin Street, Pawtucket, RI 02861, (401) 722-4029 ($5)

roland6 of

RUSSIA: Rich Goranson, 10 Hertel Avenue #208, Buffalo, NY 14207-2532, (716) 876-9374 ($5)

ForlornH of

SPAIN: Sean O'Donnell, 126 S. Park, Oberlin, OH 44074, (440) 774-2928 ($5)

sean_o_donnell of

TURKEY: Kent Pollard, Box 491, Mammoth Hot Springs, Yellowstone National Park, WY 82190, ($5)

UKRAINE: Dave Partridge, 15 Elmer Drive, Nashua, NH 03062-1722, (603) 882-3523 ($9)

rebhuhn of

Game Notes:

1) Check out the Modern Dip web page at: Cyberia/modern.htm

2) Note that Roland has changed his E-Mail address.

3) Although the capitalized centers correspond to the centers you already hold, it really will represent home centers where you can build. Frankly, I was rather surprised how few neutrals are left over. And three of the five were attacked with bounces. Only two neutrals were not moved upon at all. Check the SC chart carefully as I am just getting it started. I thank Harry for his assistance, his chart got me started easily.


(THE MEKONS QUOTE OF THE MONTH): ``Going down, down, and down; Burroughs down, down and down, and down; The bunny is bleeding... Sweat drips like paint; Invites the eye into the crevice; Deep in its hole the bunny is bleeding.'' some of the lyrics from ``Down'' off of Me, the latest release.

(JEFF O'DONNELL): When you're Egypt, there is just something awesome about invading Israel. Life is good!

(JONAS-UNCLE JEFFY POOH): Thanks for confronting him for me. The E-Mail he sent me following was a pleasure to read. (SPAIN to BOARD): I can't stand it anymore, I'm going to let the world know. I'm sorry I am after Tracie Strickler and I think she actually likes me. (Grumbling: At least I think she does. I hope she does.) Sorry, but I don't want to go out with you, I'm happily going after her and I stress her. I really don't like monkeying around, but can you please, pretty please, go from homosexual to heterosexual? You mind it to be better for all of us and for feeling if you know what I mean. I beg of you though, I don't love you like you LOVE me please don't ask me out again.

(ANDRUSCHAK-ERIC BROSIUS): I came across my copy of Jim Svejda's The Record Shelf Guide to Classical Music 5th Edition (c) 1996. Jim is a daily announcer at KUSC-FM radio station, has a syndicated music program titled ``The Record Shelf'', and in his book he has nothing but praise for Jeno Jando's Beethoven piano sonatas cycle from Naxos. He also recommends Jando's recording of all Beethoven's Bagatelles. Given value for money, Jando seems to be your best buy. ((But perhaps not to HIS purpose? You didn't address the ``tone'' of the interpretations. It's about time to hear from Eric, I think. Eric, Eric, what did you do??))

(M. BARNO to J. BURGESS): The reference in #205 was to the TV series Highlander. The deal is, there's these immortals, see, not traditional vampires but still feeding off the life energy of others; only other immortals, though. ``There can be only One!'' (immortal), for some Sword-in-the-Stone reason, and so they have to run around lopping other immortals' heads off with various longswords. (Shooting them doesn't work; they recover and you have to behead them and absorb the energy-zap they give off at death. They never mention the sphincters relaxing at the same time.) There's also a race of Watchers who record the swordfights without interfering. The only reasons for the Watchers' existence are out of context: to record the shows for the viewers, and as an excuse for conversation that tells the audience what's going on. Despite how long this demo derby has been taking place unnoticed by the rest of us, as shown by weekly flashbacks to different centuries, there's plenty left. I don't know if they're fertile, since whenever the protagonist takes one to bed, he has to remove her head thereafter. (Have you tried this, Paul?)

(JEFF O'DONNELL to HARRY ANDRUSCHAK): The American Legion is an organization of Veterans from an army that has won freedom for more people than any army in history. My father was a WWII veteran and Legion member who fought under MacArthur to help liberate the Philippines from the brutality of the Imperialist Japanese Empire. Filipino freedom was chiseled out of American blood. We owe them nothing! The existing Filipino government allows child pornography, child prostitution, and pedophilia. They have to right to show moral indignation over anything. I am proud my father was in the American Legion. I would be proud to have any association with any American Legion anytime, anywhere!

(ITALY- > BRITAIN): I look at it this way: If the Ohio Duo survive to take me out, then I will get a swift and merciful death. If the Ohio Duo are defeated, then I will merely die a slow and agonizing death later.

(FRANCE-GERMANY): Thank you for your letters of 14 June and 20 June. All I can say is that if Spain carries out his threat to explode a bomb in my kitchen, they will have to start calling me Linoleum Blownapart. ((Hyork, hyork, hyork, love it, love it, love it....)) (I wonder if forcing Jim Burgess to type and publish such puns as that counts as GM abuse?) ((Sorry, bucko, I ***love*** bad puns. You can't make 'em bad enough to abuse me. You'll have to try harder than that.))

(BRITAIN-FRANCE): I wish I had known how clever you were when we started.

(EGYPT to PALACE OF VERSAILLES): Where do you come off saying Egypt refuses to communicate? I've sent postcards to everyone, who has contacted me!?!?

(ITA- > TUR): You walk like an Egyptian (you know, with your arms and hands extended at right angles, moving back and forth). That's how you sneak into the Great Pyramid.

(EGYPT-ITALY): I assume you're talking Aztec Pyramids!

(FRANCE-ITALY): Thank you for your phone call of 7 July. However, if you have not kept our agreement that I be allowed into Switzerland.... ``May all the pigeons of Rome deposit their droppings on your pizzas.''

(GERMANY to RUSSIA [RE: SWEDEN]): Is this evidence of an immovable object meeting an irresistable force?

(BARNO to POLLARD'S GRAND VIZIER): Be diplomats first and foremost; be warriors second; but try not to be dead third!

(AMBASSADOR ATATURK PO-LLARD to THE WESTERN POWERS): Please do not take my move towards Serbia as an act of war. It was there, my country had to try! Perhaps when the Winter comes, I shall hear from more of you. (The letters were sparse....) I look forward to more negotiations.

(FRANCE-TURKEY): Thank you for your letter received 22 June. Whilst we can understand your desire to bring back the Ottoman Empire, we do have one objection. No, not the castration of boys, since eunuchs were an old tradition in both Christian and Muslim countries. BUT, putting a ban on French wines because they contain alcohol will NOT be tolerated. If we have to, we will sail fleets into your harbors. Even worse, we will send lawyers from the American tobacco companies into your courts. If this means war, so be it.

(ROME- > ANKARA): Your Turkish coffee has been accepted. A fine blend, but didn't you know that coffee is out and that green tea is in? (A TURKISH ZEALOT to THE WORLD): So many of you wish us to strike my Islamic brothers! For now, we turn our cheeks! Do not anger the people of Islam. For War will surely come!

(SPAIN to FRANCE): Thanks for the boat ride and reassurances and trust me since after all this boat may not be LYO where the women are out of this world, but the women here the girls are hot they must know that I'm the man for their desires.

(SPAIN-FRANCE): ``You pustulant, hebetudinous, serrate-toothed, ordure-spouting, mephitic, pestilential Beotian!"

(FRANCE-SPAIN): Thank you for your postcard of 11 June, postmarked 12 June, and received 16 June. I have moved my units as you requested. I hope we can continue our alliance against Britain. I am quite content to be the junior partner in our alliance. However, I am a bit worried at the cost of all those phone calls you place. How can you afford so many?

(SPAIN to FRANCE 2 ROLL THEM): I been wondering what is Viagra and who are these prisoners that have been hardened. I wonder too why would they want to be hardened in the first place. So, to find out, I'm requesting that the Minister of France get me some to find out tonight, say around 8:00 p.m in the pool.

(ANDRUSCHAK-JIM BURGESS): I was amused to read in the newspaper that the Southern Baptist Convention decreed that the role of a woman in a marriage is to ``submit graciously to the servant leadership of her husband.'' Awwww. That's funnier than any Press I could ever write.

(SPAIN to BRITAIN): Did I ever mention that the Portland Trail Blazers, last I heard, suck this year.

(SPAIN to POLAND): Wie gehts? Long time no hear man.

(UKRAINE to POLAND): You are a little too close for comfort. I wish you would wait before you strike.

(SPAIN to UKRAINE): Want to set up a permanent alliance to eliminate certain threats if they happen to be there against us?

(EGYPT to BOARD): Now that Spain has informed everyone the key to conquering me, should I surrender?

(SPAIN to BARNO): I know my nature and since I'm a teen it spells G*I*R*L*S and I was grounded from R rated films when I tried to spell Conner's last name and to mention this computer I have internet access at is at the public library not my good house I mean government housing. On top of that who cares for those guilted Scotsmen when Ireland is across the Sea. Also Conner never killed his friends, only the cargon did and I guess Kitania. Also I brought it up due to the fact that that's what we look like. We ally, stab and assault. Are we heroes?

(SPAIN to BOARD): You know, who on Earth would want to get in this szine? I mean, come on we pay 10 dollars then 5 more for insurance then we no longer pay that's the good part, but who in their right mind allowed this guy to GM. He has no sense of style, it's all in black and white. I mean I want something in green, orange or at least in different colors, and who thought this guy knew the rules? I mean I bumped into a few 10 year old girls that could run this game better, and do you want to know something else? When this szine is doing good is because Mrs. Burgess is the one that takes over and makes him extremely jealous. I mean who in their right mind would allow a women to run one of these? Who knows, maybe she'll do better and maybe Jim would get some sense of style.

(BOOB to BOARD): I think that is his abuse of the GM. Now he is going to abuse someone else. I wonder who?? (SPAIN to BOARD): I got the general idea what Viagra is. Thing is I don't need it, I get up easy enough. Thank you very much....

(BOOB to VOYEURS): I should have known....

SHOW ME THE MONEY: 1997Mea04, Colonial Diplomacy


Summer 1903

BRITAIN (Johnson): R a ben-HYD; has f ADEN, a PUN, a BOM, f GOA, f HK, f SIN, a TIB,

f SHI, f EIO, a HYD, f SCS, f MAL. CHINA (Goranson): has a NAN, a MON, a BEN, a ASS, a CHU, a MAC.

FRANCE (Sasseville): has f GOS, f ANN, a CAN, a MAY, a YUN, a U.BUR, f FOR. HOLLAND (Desper): has f BOR, f SIO, f SUL.S, a SUM, f JS, f CEBU.

JAPAN (Dwyer): has f UP, a SEO, f OS, f YS, f SOJ, a VLA.

RUSSIA (Williams): R f seo(wc)-CHB (Comet Hale-Bopp) (ann); has f BLA, a ODE, a KRA,

f P.ART, a TAB, a SEM, a PEK, a KAG, a SIK, f ANG.

TURKEY (Tallman): R f goa-RS; has f ARA.S, f MED, a EGY, f RS, f KAR.

Addresses of the Participants

BRITAIN: Jonas Johnson, 3649 SE 33rd Ave., Portland, OR 97202, (503) 238-4430 ($8)

EcidLor of

CHINA: Rich Goranson, 10 Hertel Avenue #208, Buffalo, NY 14207-2532, (716) 876-9374 ($5)

ForlornH of

FRANCE: Roland Sasseville, Jr., 38 Bucklin Street, Pawtucket, RI 02861, (401) 722-4029 ($5)

Djrolandb of

HOLLAND: Rick Desper, Im Neuenheimer Feld 370, Apartment 54, 69120 Heidelberg, GERMANY (E-Mail)

desper of

JAPAN: Luke Dwyer, 49 Middlesex Drive, Slingerlands, NY 12159, (518) 439-5796 ($4)

RUSSIA: Don Williams, 27505 Artine Drive, Saugus, CA 91350, (805) 297-3947 ($7)

wllmsfmly of

TURKEY: Terry Tallman, 3805 SW Lake Flora Road, Port Orchard, WA 98367, (360) 874-0386 ($0)

ttallman of

GM: Jim-Bob Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327, (401) 351-0287

Game Notes:

1) Note that Rick Desper does have some additional addressing updates. For those of you on the East Coast, I know that mail to Germany (while more expensive than a first class letter) is faster than mail to the West Coast of the US. I don't really know how fast West Coast mail to Germany is. I hope this is not too much of a hardship for anyone. Please communicate with me about issues that you do have.


(THE DUTCH GOVERNMENT ANNOUNCED A HEADQUARTERS MOVE FROM NEW JERSEY TO GERMANY): ``We figured it would be nicer to be closer to Amsterdam", said one official. This has the unfortunate side-effect of significantly increasing the cost of snail mail. C'est la vie. Brit-Toad: Did holding the three way together involve not responding to my questions about AraS and GOA? Did it mean you would be taking Aden even after I handed you Sud? Sorry Terry, I just don't buy it.

(BRITAIN-HOLLAND): What exactly was the point of your last E-Mail? If you have something constructive to say, I am here to listen and act. If you intend to vent, hire a therapist, don't e-mail me.

(BOOB to BRITAIN): You seem to be having that kind of problem with a lot of people. So, who needs a therapist?? By the way, I just noticed that you are Britain in both of these games! I suppose with the differences in orientation it doesn't feel like you're playing the same country twice, but really, it was just a coincidence!

(H - > B): Attack everyone? You're setting yourself up for a rather diffficult endgame. Also, I don't know why you bother to lie to me when the lie has no chance of affecting my orders, and can only serve to further undermine your credibility. In about 4 game years the Duck is going to clean your clock. Maybe 3.

(BRITAIN-HOLLAND): You started it! Nyah Nyah Nyah!

(H - > T): I do enjoy your press considerably. However, I wish that you had taken Aden when it was so open to you. I'm sure you feel the same way, though, and regrets are fairly worthless.

(H - > R): OK, take Con, Baghdad. But then, since Africa is so inaccessible, please spare the Toad so we can still hear his press. And since you will then need a new target, I suggest good ol' Pip.

(BRITAIN-TURKEY & CHINA): Um, I think your emeny is north. Why are you taking my centers?

(H - > C): Maybe you'll be able to weasel some armies into the Indian peninsula, and meet fleets from Holland and Turkey? The kids are still pissed that you killed Kenny, though there is a rumor that he'll be back for the fall move.

(H - > F): No, really, you should take Malaya. Hong Kong, too. You will need it to move West. With Japanese strength, I don't see you moving North anytime soon. Don't blame me!

(H - > J): Toad says you need a friend. I think you're doing pretty well as is.

(H - > H): Take the damn Philipines already! www.timricequoteofthemonth.alt: "Now if I help you it matters that you see these sordid kind of things are coming hard to me. It's taken me some time to work out what to do, I weighed the whole thing out before I came to you ... Just don't say I'm damned for all time." - "Damned For All Time" (Judas, Jesus Christ Superstar)

(NEWS FLASH FROM THE RUSSIAN WAR DEPARTMENT): Sources here report a tragic story coming out Sumatra. Early this morning, a two-seater biplane crashed into a cemetary in central Sumatra near the seat of the Dutch Foreign Service HQ. Dutch Search & Rescue teams using trained dogs have recovered over 300 bodies thus far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

(SEPTUARY COLORS to SMTM): Starting this month, the Diplomatic Impunity Scoreboard (DIS) will provide a tongue-in-cheek and absolutely subjective tally of the cheers and jeers garnered by the previous month's moves, and by whoever or whatever moves the DIS to desultory ruminations of dubious entertainment value. Stay tuned, enjoy, and remember - there's no dissing the DIS!

(DIPLOMATIC IMPUNITY SCOREBOARD #1): Special Just-For-You Show Me The Dough Inaugural Edition - Better late to the ball than no dance at all, sez DIS. Britain (-) DIS still cringing at Brit swing-and-a-miss moves on the Asian subcontinent. Voltaire said it best - time to kill a few admirals to encourage the rest.

China ( = ) Great Wall becomes Great Sieve, but Mandarin of Heaven circles the welcome wagons. DIS wonders, ``What's your fortune, cookie?" France (+) Backwater tango-ist kicks out the stops. Sacre coeur! First Le Cup Mondial, now this ... Le Republique Rocks! Holland (-) Corner (power) kick blocked. Uh-oh, here come those bloody Limey hooligans. Time to form up a wall? Japan (+) Japanese Imperial Navy kicks some serious Tsarist naval butt AND starts Pacific Rim mosey. Emperor says, ``Ah-so."

Russia ( = ) Win some, lose some - is your name Judy? Losing heart (er, and seoul to Tokyo Rose, but may bag a two course turkey dinner. Trading Peking Duck for Mongolian BBQ? Messy, messy, messy. Turkey ( = ) The Empire strikes back. Sultan to King ``Fast Fingers" Eddie - ``Buddy, can you spare a dot?" GM (+) The conspiracy is out there, and it's that the GM is conspiring to commit film criticism. We got your ``loss of intimacy" right here, Siskebert. ((No, sorry, that was Godzilla, which WAS funny and good! It was much better than the Siskebert's of the world (including the ones who were in it) thought it was.)) X-Files (-) DIS really, really bored with inane X-Files press line. The truth is out there, but DIS can't HANDLE the truth. (Oops, wrong movie.) Even Scully/Mulder seek HIGHER intelligence. DIS ( = ) Better a slow start than no start.

(ODE to TON): You guys slaughter equipment?! The horror, the horror ...

(DUCK to WARTED ONE): Access to the Big Lake is easy. While I share with you the virtue of webbed feet, Dragonfly-Breath, unlike your en-greened self, I also sport wings!

(MALCONTENT MALLARD to BOOB): I skipped the ``X-Files" movie based on your review and opted for the Zorro flick instead. Now I'm lusting for Zeta-Jones, and it's YOUR fault. ((Nope, buddy, everything is still your fault, even if us Politically Correct types aren't supposed to say so any more!))

(RUSSIA to CHINA): So much for Sino-Russian relations, eh? Tell me, is the opposite of inscrutable scrutable? A simple question of no consequence ... forget we asked.

(TSAR to SULTAN): I was the target of choice for all? Hmm, yes, that would explain the painted bullseyes painted on me front and rear. Luckily, it happens I am spineless, brainless, and heartless, meaning I am without stabworthy vital organs. In recent experience, I am always the target of everyone, everywhere, everytime, and I find that doing without these vital niceties has become a suitable alternative to mortality.

(TSAR to BRIT): Intertesting move selection last season. Britannia may rule the waves, but she has a little to learn about ground combat.

(RUSSIAN WAR DEPARTMENT, OMSK to DUTCH HQ, SUMATRA): We think you should lay off those Amsterdam head shops you've obviously been frequenting, as you're beginning to frighten children, small furry pets, and various hooved barnyard dwellers.

(MOSCOW to TOKYO): Had enough, or shall I rough you up some more by throwing additional Russian centers at you?

(RUSSIA to CHINA): I doubt you'll forgive my perfidy, but hanging around with Perfidious Albion can really twist your psyche. I'm still open to communication, BTW, and would love to hear something from you.

(TELEGRAM FROM ODESSA to WHITE RUSSIAN ARMIES, EASTERN FRONT): Salutations STOP Spies report development of a Chinese secret weapon STOP Beware animated cross-dressing peasant girl STOP Code named Mulan STOP Accompanied by small animated dragon, Mu Shu STOP And a lucky cricket STOP Consider party armed and extremely dangerous. FULLSTOP

(DEAD GIVEAWAY URL POSTING ON SULTAN'S HOMEPAGE): Best adult fun on the Net! Free membership today only with proof of age. For more information, try:

``www.slashslash.stabthetsar.stabhimhard.takehis.backslashbackstab of"

(MEDITATIONS FOR MISERABLE PEOPLE WHO WANT TO STAY THAT WAY): Repeat the mantra ... I am not an unattractive person, I am downright hideous. To bring harmony into my relationships with others, I must realize their lives are much much better than mine, and that self discovery is useless, unless I discover I'm somebody else.

(VICTOR HUGO - L'INVASORS): ``A stand can be made against invasion by an army; no stand can be made against invasion by an idea."

THE HERMIT: 1995 IH, Regular Diplomacy


End Game Stats Next Time

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Randy Ellis, Box 1000, Jackson Lake Lodge, Moran, WY 83013 ($10)

ENGLAND: Kent Pollard, Box 491, Mammoth Hot Springs, Yellowstone National Park, WY 82190, ($5)

FRANCE: Luke Dwyer, 49 Middlesex Drive, Slingerlands, NY 12159, (518) 439-5796 ($4)

GERMANY: Steve Emmert, 1752 Grey Friars Chase, Virginia Beach, VA 23456, (757) 471-1842

SEMMERT of ITALY: Mark Kinney, 3613 Coronado Drive, Louisville, KY 40241, (502) 426-8165

alberich of

RUSSIA: Keith Sherwood, 8873 Pipestone Way, San Diego, CA 92129, (619) 484-8367 ($4)

ksher of or Keith_Sherwood of TURKEY: Roland Sasseville, Jr., 38 Bucklin Street, Pawtucket, RI 02861, (401) 722-4029 ($3) GM: Jim-Bob Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327, (401) 351-0287

Game Notes:

1) Remember that the default is that left over NMR insurance goes into a continuing sub until it vanishes.


(M. BARNO to K. POLLARD): Royal Mortician, eh? Actually it doesn't smell as bad as that dungeon. Sure, I'll take good care of the ex-people as they are moved from the board to the Dead Piles. If you call that noble, I don't mind; I'm just happy not having to wear the King's silly clothes and wig, like when I was spying. With Russian hegemony (one cannot call it ``peace'') imposed on Europe, there is more need for morticians than intelligence agents.

(VIRGINIA BEACH to BOARD): Hey! Where'd everybody go?

(BROOKLYN DODGERS to SHERWOOD): Yeah, just wait 'til next year.




Fall 1910

ENGLAND (Lowrey): f NTH C a yor-hol, a YOR-hol, a HOL-kie, f mid-NAF, f BAR h,

f DEN S a hol-kie, f BAL S FRENCH a kie-ber, a STP-mos.

FRANCE (Rauterberg): a BUR S a tyo-mun, a PIE S a rom-ven, a RUH S a tyo-mun, a kie-BER,

f GOL-tyh, f WES-tun, a tyo-MUN, a ROM-ven.

GERMANY (Kent): a BOH-mun, a SIL S a boh-mun, f HEL S a mun-kie,

a mun-kie (d ann).

RUSSIA (Williams): a SEV h.

TURKEY (Sherwood): a con-BUL, a tri-TYO, a ser-TRI, a rum-UKR, a MOS-stp, f bla-CON,

a GAL S a vie, f ADR S a apu-ven, f TYH-rom, a VIE S a tri-tyo, f TUN S f ion-tyh,

a APU-ven, f ION-tyh.

Supply Center Chart

ENGLAND (Lowrey): edi,lvp,lon,swe,nwy,stp,den,hol (has 8, even)
FRANCE (Rauterberg): bre,par,mar,spa,por,ven,bel,kie, (has 8, bld 3)
GERMANY (Kent): war (has 3, rem 2)
RUSSIA (Williams): sev (has 1, even)
TURKEY (Sherwood): ank,con,smy,gre,bul,tri,ser, (has 13, even)
Neutral: none (Total=34)

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Terry Tallman, 3805 SW Lake Flora Road, Port Orchard, WA 98367, (360) 874-0386 ($7)

ttallman of

ENGLAND: Michael Lowrey, 4322 Water Oak Road, Charlotte, NC 28211

mlowrey of

ENGLAND EMERITUS: Tom Nash, 202 Settlers Road, St. Simons Island, GA 31522, (912) 634-1753 ($4)

75763.707 of CompuServe.COM

FRANCE: Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Dr., Greenfield, WI 53221, (414) 281-2339 ($10)

prosit of

GERMANY: Doug Kent, 10214 Black Hickory Rd., Dallas, TX 75243 (214) 234-8386 ($5)

73567.1414 of CompuServe.COM ITALY: Simon Billenness, 33 Lancaster Terrace, Apt. 211, Brookline, MA 02446, (617) 731-1419 ($5)

sbillenness of RUSSIA: Don Williams, 27505 Artine Drive, Saugus, CA 91350, (805) 297-3947

wllmsfmly of

RUSSIA EMERITUS: Ken Peel, 12041 Eaglewood Court, Silver Spring, MD 20902, (301) 949-4055 ($5)


TURKEY: Keith Sherwood, 8873 Pipestone Way, San Diego, CA 92129, (619) 484-8367

ksher of or Keith_Sherwood of

TURKEY EMERITUS: Pete Gaughan, 1236 Detroit Av. #7, Concord, CA 94520-3651, (510) 825-2165 ($4)

gaughan of

GM: Jim-Bob Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327, (401) 351-0287

Game Notes (back from the tropopause): 1) The game specific standby list for this game includes Garret Schenck, Cathy Cunning Ozog, Mike Mills, Dick Martin, Vince Lutterbie, and Eric Brosius in reverse alphabetical order (note that Garret is STILL missing... someone find him!). Guest press from potential standbys would be a ``good thing'' if they wanted to be chosen.

Press: (PARIS to GM): In view of the fact that I haven't heard from Keither this season, perhaps your little faut pas wasn't so bad: it elicited the last squeeks and squeals from he who evidently prefers to suffer in silence.... ((Or, perhaps he prefers to suffer in public...))

(KEITH to PAUL): So you think you can just walk into Rome, do you? Well, think again! It'll cost you Ven. Or maybe Tyo. Or maybe I'll just glare at you.

(RUSSIA-TURKEY): I have moved to Ukraine for three reasons:

(1) To move farther away from Turkish home centers;

(2) To assist you on the front against the nasty EG alliance; and

(3) To give me a reason to write this press so as not to be thrown out of the game by the puppetmaster... er, gamemaster. ((No longer a danger, of course - thus, scratch that....))

(RUSSIA): Looks like the end. Congratulations to the three of them.

(TURKEY): Warsaw has been declared a ``German safe haven" and ``Teutonic Reserve." Turkey is proud to take the lead in the preservation effort of this endangered species.

Ghods too (ghodstoo on the judge): 1997 KT, Internet Judge Diplomacy

I'm holding my write-up on Ghods too until I have more space and time. The game history AND all of the negotiating letters may be found in the Diplomatic Pouch showcase:

This is FASCINATING reading. I've heard some comments that this IS fascinating reading. I apologize for some of the formatting difficulties in the way the program edited the press. Would anyone like to make comments for print? If I don't get around to this shortly, I might drop it..... you guys know that I just leave these notes in here as a ``shopping list'' to remind myself and that I am most likely to get off my butt in responding to comments by any of you.

AUSTRIA: Edi Birsan (edi of;

ENGLAND: Jamie Dreier (James_Dreier of;

FRANCE: John Barkdull (uejon of;

GERMANY: Pitt Crandlemire (pittc of;

ITALY: Cal White (diplomat of;

RUSSIA: Mark Fassio (jm2365 of, fazfam of;

TURKEY: Hohn Cho (hohncho of

GM: Jim Burgess (burgess of

USIN judge: judge of

((The main point of this game was to take some successful E-Mail players, some successful FTF tournament players, and some successful PBM players, put them in a game together using the Judge E-Mail technology and see what happens. The game ended in a France/England/Turkey DIAS draw.))

COVINGTON CROSS: 1993 AQ, Regular Diplomacy


Fall 1916 - Revisited

FRANCE (Rauterberg): f eng-NTH, f wes-TYH, f HEL S a ruh-kie, f DEN-swe, a bel-RUH,

a BUR-mun, a ruh-KIE, f BAL-ber, a HOL S a ruh-kie, a PIE S a ven,

a EDI plays ``Amazing Grace'' on the bagpipes, f adr-ION, a VEN h, f NAP S f adr-ion,

f APU S f adr-ion, f NWY-swe, f TUN S f adr-ion.

GERMANY (Zarr): a MUN-sil, a tyo-BOH, a ber-PRU, a kie-ber (d ann), a VIE S a tyo-boh,

a STP h, f GOB-swe.

TURKEY (Johnson): f AEG S f eas-ion (nsu), a TRI-ven, a LVN S GERMAN a stp,

f ion h (d r:eas,otb), a BUD-gal, a boh S GERMAN a mun (d ann), a SER-tri, a GAL-sil,

f alb-ADR, f GRE S f eas-ion (nsu).

Supply Center Chart

FRANCE (Rauterberg): bre,par,mar,bel,por,spa,lvp, (has 18, still WINS!)
GERMANY (Zarr): ber,stp,war,mos,vie,mun (has 6, survives)
TURKEY (Johnson): ank,con,smy,bul,sev,rum,bud, (has 10, survives)
Neutral: none (Total=34)

Addresses of the Participants

FRANCE: Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Drive, Greenfield, WI 53221, (414) 281-2339

prosit of

GERMANY: Harold Zarr, 215 Glen Drive, Iowa Falls, IA 50126-1957, (515) 648-2821

RUSSIA: Eric Brosius, 53 Bird Street, Needham MA 02192 ($5)

72060.1540 of CompuServe.COM

TURKEY: Stan Johnson, 1254 East Broadway Road #56, Mesa, AZ 85204-2223, (602) 668-1105

GM: Jim-Bob Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327, (401) 351-0287

Game Notes:

1) My sincere, sincere apologies to Stan Johnson for misplacing his orders. If you saw my computer room at home..... well, it doesn't look like that anymore. I took a day off from work, sorted and filed everything, and on the floor I found.... Stan's orders and letter. Mea Culpa, Stan, thanks for playing the game out. It does change the final Supply Center Chart slightly.

Russian Endgame statement - Eliminated

This was a typical standby position. When I got the call I could see that it was already down to the question of whether Germany and France would crush the rest of us or not. Unfortunately, playing Diplomacy causes myopia, so the other players couldn't really see this, and as a result, Austria was trying to fight I/R/T instead of joining in with them to stop F/G. There wasn't much hope of succeeding, but I've always preferred an elimination to a sycophantic survival, so I can't complain too much.

((Eric wrote this a LONG time ago. I'll bet he barely remembers. More comments as you prefer are welcome.))

French Endgame statement - Won!

Upon my entry into the game in Fall 1907, I inherited a stable alliance with Germany. Harold was pounding his way into Russia; I was granted some small footholds into Jack Garrett's Italy. Jack's alliance with Turkey didn't seem to do him much good, because the Sultan was loath to do much more than sit and watch while I picked and poked my way into the Italian mainland. Had the Turk actively participated in the battle for Italy (i.e., convoyed an army or two over there), my work might really have been cut out for me. But Stan didn't, and my way was unimpeded. Once Italy and Russia were eliminated, I realized that continuing with the F/G alliance was leading to a sure F/G/T draw: Turkey was left with a stable stalemate line. At the time for The Big Decision, I had spare fleets to jump into England/Nth sea, while the Lowlands were open for my armies. German fleets were holding in the Baltic and in Bothnia. The choice between a three way draw or a solo win was.... Harold's decision to try to throw the game to Turkey could only help my cause; each German dot given to the Sultan meant one more removal for the forces opposing me. Stan, meanwhile, overconcentrated upon the Austrian and Russian theatres. He might have been wiser trying to man Pru, Sil, Boh, Adr and Tyr to provide real backing for the wavering German homeland instead of munching away at the Reich's hinterland. Still and all, Harold and Stan showed character in sticking it out to the bitter end of this game. Thanks to them, and to Boob (of course), for a stimulating tactical opportunity.

((You're quite welcome. More comments??))

COLUMBUS CHILL: 1993 J, Regular Diplomacy



Spring 1919

AUSTRIA (Davis): a BUD h.

FRANCE (Zarr): a GAS S a mar, f BRE S f mid, a MAR S f spa(nc),

a POR S f spa(nc), f SPA(NC) S f mid, f MID S f spa(nc).

GERMANY (Jones): f kie-HOL, f ber-KIE, a hol-RUH, a GAL-bud, a MOS-sev,

a VIE S a gal-bud, a BOH S a tyo, a MUN S a hol-ruh, a TYO S a vie, a lvp-WAL, a BEL S a hol-ruh,

a UKR-rum, f NTH S a bel, f edi-CLY.

TURKEY (Weiss): a BUL S a rum, f ion-TUN, f BLA S a sev, a RUM S AUSTRIAN a bud,

a VEN S AUSTRIAN a bud (imp), a TRI S f pie (imp), a SER S AUSTRIAN a bud, f GOL-mar,

a SEV S a rum, f WES-spa(sc), f NAF-mid, f PIE S f gol-mar, f ADR S a tri.

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Rick Davis, 2009 Bodega Avenue, Petaluma, CA 94952, (707) 773-1044

redavis914 of FRANCE: Harold Zarr, 215 Glen Drive, Iowa Falls, IA 50126-1957, (515) 648-2821

GERMANY: Charles Jones, 1722 Quail Circle, Corona, CA 91720-4155, (909) 735-8981

RUSSIA: Eric Schlegel, 314 Fords Lane, Aberdeen, MD 21001, (410) 272-3314

TURKEY: Richard Weiss, 500 Beale St. # 104, San Francisco, CA 94105, (415) 512-7221 rcw of

GM: Jim-Bob Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327, (401) 351-0287

Game Notes:

1) The FAGT, FGT, and FG draws are rejected and so is the concession to Germany. The FAGT and GT sportscar draws are reproposed. Concessions to Turkey and to the ``Made-Up Mike Barno'' also have been submitted. Please vote with your Summer orders. Failure to vote vetoes all proposals as usual although, as with all fun proposals, that last one might just pass on a GM whim if it doesn't receive any clear no votes.


(TURKEY-GERMANY THE GERM): Way to show your true virulence last issue with the press. What a foul mind you have. Did your Mother have any kids with brains who lived?

(GUEST PRESS, IN THE WORDS OF ISAAC ASIMOV): ``The wires had meanwhile been spliced, the locks opened, and Dr. Weiss stepped out into the anarchic world of life that was Earth. `Anarchy,' he said, laughing a little wildly. `And it will stay that way.' " (from Misbegotten Missionary)

(TURKEY-FRANCE): I fully believe you understand and desire the consequence of your actions - to give a solo to Germany. I just want to see you do it. I will never let you live it down in any zine throughout the (admittedly, potentially short future) entire remaining history of PBM Dip. ((Yawn, when will you guys all realize that PBM Dip is not going away? It's just establishing a new downsized niche. TurboFreaks can check out the Internet, postal games are still where to go for relaxed speed on games with GM's that talk to you and have szines with chat. Anybody thinking about going Warehouse might as well go to the Internet.)) Did you read my alter-ego (he was Catholic as a child, could have been Agostini Cardinal Casaroli - yeah, unknown to you, you don't know how to read the Peeryster - but his Priest never tried to molest him) Mikey (who did not die from an explosion in his stomach) Barno. Mike is back from the land of forest fires and Yellowstones and here to impart his wisdom into this very game. Lord knows one of us could use some.


(TURKEY-GERMANY): Blarno stone - you don't believe in him? Jim-Bob made him up?!?! That shows how utterly ignorant you are. Jim Boob couldn't create his own brother as a con in an early series, much less be clever enough to figure out how to get his computer to put in different connections between sending and receiving members of press to con anyone (well maybe you and that dumbo with the big ears France). Get real. Contact < employ of > and verify Blarno's credentials for yourself. Maybe the HOF would reveal it. Do a little research man. Find Don Stafford - he will attest to the Blarno's omnipotence and existence. ((That's Dan, Richard... Dan. That reminds me of one of the funniest academic stories in my repetoire. I witnessed this one, so it must be true. A full professor at Northwestern edits one of the major journals in my field and publishes special issues of a major Biennial conference that I help to organize (this is the stuff I deal with him about today), but back when I was in graduate school, as one of his students, he was a wimpy little assistant professor. One of my school's full professors didn't like this guy and his first name was Dan, so he started ignoring him in the building, when running into him by the mailboxes or the coffee machine, etc. Finally, as I happened to be standing there, he FORCED a verbal hello out of this full professor and the guy (who was and is more than a little bit of an arrogant jerk) said, ``Hi, Don'' and then walked out of the Secretary's office back toward his office across our big open rotunda that opened onto all the offices in the building. Dan runs after him, all the way across, with his voice echoing around the building, ``It's Dan, it's Dan, it's Dan...'' while being totally ignored. He was soon let go and after moving around a bit, built a pretty good career, while said full professor is retired and still self-centered. You decide who got the last laugh. I think (and I saw this at the time as well) that this was hilarious from both perspectives - but also quite sad from both perspectives.))

(BARNO to ``BLARNO'' AND ``BARNEY''): Your press in issue 203 pretending to be mine was merely Strange. The genuine stuff is usually Weird. There's a difference.

(TURKEY-GERMANY): I voted for the 4-way just to show you that you are insincere in desiring the game over. Your greed is coming to the fore little piggy, you smell a sweet solo - but remember, since you are up France's asshole, the sweet you smell is not really the smell the rest of us in the Dip World will remember. On your death bed, this too will be remembered.

(MIKE B }}} CHARLES J): I've been reading Richard's press for years; why would I try to get him to write more?

(TURKEY-THE GENUINE MIKE B): Ah, your hopes that if Harold Z could ``shake things loose enough for someone to go for a win, resulting in revived interplayer dynamics, it'll be interesting" just ain't going to happen. And it is all my fault for being a terrible negotiator/dipster. That's why my HOF rating is so low and I never won a DipCon - only finished top board. Jeez, you'd think I'd stop butting my head against concrete thinkers. The Others were hot, did you see them in the East?

(BARNO to MAD DOCTOR WEISS): And if I'm gonna say things like that about your press, I need to mention that the GM likes vapid, uncreative music (among other sorts) and is deserving of abuse. ((Now you sound like my wife.... do I need more of that kind of abuse???))

SUFFREN SUCCOTASH: 1993 AI, Regular Diplomacy


End Game Stats Next Time

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Michael Pustilnik, 140 Cadman Plaza West, #13J, Brooklyn, NY 11201, (718) 625-0651 ($7)

ENGLAND: Karl Hoffman, 395 Imperial Way #220, Daly City, CA 94015, (650) 991-2394

KarlHoffmn of

FRANCE: Drew James, 8356 Radian Path, Baldwinsville, NY 13027-9357, (315) 652-1956

dkbn of

GERMANY: Steve Emmert, 1752 Grey Friars Chase, Virginia Beach, VA 23456, (757) 471-1842

SEMMERT of ITALY: Dan Gorham, PO Box 279, Belmopan, Belize, CENTRAL AMERICA

Danielg of RUSSIA: John Schultz, #19390, Marion County Jail II, 730 East Washington Street, Indianapolis, IN 46202 TURKEY: Harry Andruschak, PO Box 5309, Torrance, CA 90510-5309, (310) 835-9202

GM: Jim-Bob Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327, (401) 351-0287

GM EMERITUS: Garret Schenck, still lost, HELP!

Game Notes:

1) Remember that the default with leftover NMR insurance is to put it into a continuing sub until it is gone. You also can use it toward a new game, e.g. if Michael wants to join a new game he only needs to send me $8.


(BERLIN to PROVIDENCE): Is it too late for me to get a standby to take this position? ((Yup, you'll have to take full responsibility for this one. Now someone has to find the original GM, so he can see what happened!!))

(VIRGINIA BEACH to PROVIDENCE): Your suggestion that I tanked this season in order to ensure MY OWN DEATH is contemptible. Consider yourself spat upon. ((Hyork, hyork, hyork, ptttuuuieeeee! Admit it. You wanted that ``all time'' record for most times as Survivor in a Win by another Player while playing Germany in one issue of a Single Dip Szine. The record may be tied, but I'll assert it will never be broken!! This is one for the ages.))

(EMMERT to JAMES): The wages of sin is, apparently, eighteen dots. Congratulations, you rat.

(LAWYER to ``JOKE" TELLER): Amateur. Any time you want original lawyer jokes, let me know. In fact, I'll give you one right now.

Death approached the old miser steadily. When he saw it coming, he summoned his three most trusted friends to his bedside: His doctor, his lawyer, and his minister. They came to his hospital room, and closed the door. ``I know there's not much longer for me," the patient began, weakly. ``That's right," his doctor spoke quietly, ``we've done all we can, but it's just a matter of time." ``Well, I can deal with my own mortality. But I can't stand the idea of those damn kids of mine blowing all my money!" The man's voice grew stronger with his emotion. ``They're so irresponsible, they'll just blow everything I worked for all my life!" He slumped back onto his pillow. ``What I really want is to be buried with my money." The lawyer spoke up. ``But I've already told you, the law won't enforce a term in your will like that." The man smiled and said, ``I have something else in mind." He reached over to a bedside table, and picked up three envelopes. ``I've had everything I own sold and converted to cash," he said, with an effort, ``and it's in these three envelopes. There's ten million dollars in each one, thirty million in all!" He handed the envelopes to the men, and continued, ``I want you to come to my funeral when I'm gone, and before they close my grave, I want you to throw this money into my grave. I want you to swear!" Exhausted with the effort of speaking, he collapsed back on the pillow. The three visitors were taken aback by this unusual request, but their respect for their dying friend led each man to promise to do what was asked of him.

The patient did not last the night. Two days later, at the conclusion of the funeral, three envelopes were silently tossed into the freshly-dug grave.

Two weeks later, the three men met by chance on a street corner. The minister said, ``I am so relieved to see you. There is something gnawing at my conscience that I simply must tell someone, and you are the logical ones to tell." The doctor and lawyer waited for his explanation while the minister summoned the courage to speak. When he began, his voice cracked: ``I must confess to a terrible sin. You see, the orphanage was critically short of funds, and they were looking at the very real possibility of having to shortchange the kids on milk and blankets, or having to turn them away. I just couldn't bear that, so I -" he paused, and after a moment, said, ``I took $65,000 from the envelope and gave it to the orphanage, and threw the rest into the grave." When he stopped speaking, the lawyer's eyebrow arched, and the doctor sighed. ``I know just how you feel," the doctor began, ``for I, too, succumbed to just that temptation." The doctor spoke quickly, in a hushed tone, seemingly wanting to keep even the paving stones from hearing his confession. ``In my case, fundraising for the new burn unit at the children's hospital had completely dried up, and the contractor was threatening to stop work if he didn't get paid. I just couldn't bear to see that, so I took $225,000 from the envelope and gave it to the contractor. I threw the rest of the money in." When he stopped speaking, there was a pause, where the three men were silent, the minister and doctor able to look only at the tops of their shoes. The lawyer then spoke, and his tone was shrill and accusatory. ``I cannot believe you two!" The other men cringed visibly at the harshness in his voice. ``You are this man's trusted friends, and you make a solemn promise to a dying man, then as soon as he's gone, you take his money for your own purposes! If he wanted to give money to the orphanage or the hospital, he would have said so, but basically you just stole his money!" The last three words were spat out, and stung the two men terribly. ``Why, you're nothing but THIEVES!" After a moment, the lawyer continued, in a lower volume but with no less haughtiness, ``As for my own solemn promise, I kept it, unlike you. When I threw my envelope in the grave, my personal check for the entire ten million dollars was inside."

Now, THAT, my boy, is a lawyer joke. ((What a way to end an issue....))

Personal Note to You:

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