Welcome to Tinamou #41, produced by Dave Partridge, 15 Woodland Drive, Brookline NH, 03033 (email: rebhuhn@rocketmail.com ). Tinamou now appears on the web in conjunction with TAP. The web page has everything youíll find here including maps. Go to Jimís index page http://devel.diplom.org/DipPouch/Postal/Zines/TAP and check it out, your comments and suggestions are welcome!

Fat Bottomed Girls (Breaking Away)

A Cold Day In ... (Snowball Fighting)

Perdix (Railway Rivals)

Lost In Space (Outpost)

Game Openings

A Cold Day In ... Map

Ozone (Industrial Waste)

Simple Fantasy Football

TAP Home Page

Daveís Ditherings:

Come on now, just two more to start a Diplomacy game. Where are all the dip players? Iím taking names for a new snowball game as well.

Wouldnít it be nice if the idiots in charge of baseball were watching the NFL right now? Teams zoom from the bottom to top in a year, sometimes seemingly in a week. Every game is interesting because on any given day, any team can win and building a dynasty is a thing of the past. The players are making good money and just about everyone is happy. Hello, Baseball, hello????

Late breaking update. The Yankees and Diamondbacks are out of it and the Twins are going on. Teams with heart can still make a difference it seems. But itís still broke!

P.S. Who they gonna contract next year, the Yankees? Ranked on performance per dollar spent they could be a good candidate!

Deadlines:

Tinamou appears in every other TAP. The game deadlines are always the Monday before the appropriate TAP deadline, which is always a Saturday. Assuming that TAP remains on schedule, the next deadline will be Monday, November 18.

Top

Game Openings:

A few more players have joined the lists, but we are still short of a new diplomacy game. Come on now, prove that this hobby isnít dying!!

Gunboat: Either with or without press, players preference. One signed up so far.

Perestroika Diplomacy: Add an economic twist to the classic game. Centers generate revenue, armies and fleets must be maintained, and treasuries can be sacked! Rules are available on request.

Signed up: Art Schleinkofer, Phil Reynolds, Harold Reynolds

Standard Diplomacy: Nothing new, nothing novel. The only twist to this game is that I strongly encourage players without email to join up. The long deadlines make it easier to get those negotiations in. That is not to say that I do not want people with email joining, but please do not do so unless you are prepared to negotiate fully with those people who donít have email and rely on the Postal Service.

Signed up: Phil Reynolds, Chris Lockheardt, Bob Dowrey, Hank Alme, John Powers

Just the results please: Donít really know what to call this one as I just came up with it. Perhaps itís been tried before. The twist for this variant is that each season only the ending unit positions are published, not the orders. Youíll know who went where, but not who helped whom, or want may have been tried unsuccessfully.

Signed up: Phil Reynolds

Industrial Waste: A new game for 3-4 players. Manager your factory and build your products, but beware, increased production means more waste, and if you arenít careful youíll find that working in a sludge pit affects your productivity and the bottom line. The first game is underway, Iíll take signups for a second if anyone is interested.

Railway Rivals: Iím going to open a second game running Eric Brosiusís Transcontinental USA map with his variant rules (cities appear on the map as the game progresses rather than being predetermined). The map is available on the web site. Anyone who wants to play and needs a paper copy let me know.

Signed up: Eric Brosius, Conrad von Metzke, Mike Barno, Brendan Whyte. Need one or two more.

Also available, Brendan Whyteís new Queensland map. Be one of the first to try it out! See it soon on the web site.

Signed up: Brendan Whyte

Outpost: Iíll start taking names now for another game to start when the current one ends or is on its last legs.

Signed up: Eric Brosius

Top

Breaking Away: Fat Bottomed Girls

And we have a huge pileup. True to their name, the Front Runners lead the pack. Three teams start with the old 1-2-3-4 and it pays off big, netting them a total replacement card count of 51! Homegrown Evil seems to have gotten itís handle bars enmeshed as it surges forward in a solid block, causing a big traffic jam, resulting in half of the riders (and all of HE) replenishing with a lowly 3!

(IAN CURTIS SPEAKS FROM THE GRAVE): One of the best things about being dead is that you never get tired.... the 24 Hour Party REALLY works!!! Those video screens to watch my movie on the cycles works perfectly. Go guys, go! PARTY!!!!

Jerry -> field: we can't start the race until somebody finds Mr. Belavacqua to fire the starter's pistol! (car backfires) Well, I'm off!

Elaine -> Mark Cutler: Who are you? Are you spongeworthy?

Frank -> GM: don't you think it will be confusing to have a Babbette and a Bobette in the same race?

GM Ė Frank: I donít know if Iím confused, but if any of them start brandishing sharp shiny objects, Iíd be scared if I were you!

Kramer -> field: Giddyup!

George -> GM: Given the infirmities of my condition, I've traded in the usual bicycle for a motorized chair. It may take a while to get up to a good speed.

GM Ė Gerry: Iím sure that given your proclivity for causes itís a solar powered chair so it wonít pollute. Didnít anyone tell you Boston is almost as cloudy as Seattle?

Jerry -> field: thanks for showing up! Don't you think it's odd that one of the teams is made up of entire countries? Well, I guess they'll be easy to draft. But really, who wants to draft Greece?

GM Ė Jerry: Given some of the alternatives, that might not be too bad a place to be.

Frank -> GM: How come my riders are the only ones who need underscores between their first and last names on the website?

GM -> Frank: Because Kramer hacked the web site?

Frank -> George: (bops on forehead) Get moving! The race has started! If Lloyd Braun were here, he'd already be at the first sprint line!

George (mumbles): Lloyd Braun, Lloyd Braun.

Frank -> Newman: We need a chase vehicle. Power up the mail truck!

Edith - BBG: Say! Who's managing all those wobbly bits over there?

Tom-Brendan: Oh, yeah! Black Bottom. Haven't played that since ... Junior High School. Heh! Well, at least the long term memory still seems to be working.

Edith to Ab: They're expecting you to draft early, so why don't you lead our little group on the start?

Tom-All: Ok, I've given away all my secrets. (Well, I've left the spreadsheet layout as an exercise for the student...) So, I expect you all to be as competitive as these rail-tushed gals of mine. I'm playing this one straight. Not ganging up on Brendan, nor anyone else. Hope you all will do the same.

Oh yeah, ... look out for Edith. She'll seduce anyone, even Dick, if she thinks it'll give her team an advantage.

GM Ė Tom: Well, two of them seem to have taken your advice. Nice cards!

BOB MARLEY to FOUR KINGDOMS OF DANIEL 7: We don' need no misconfused history from the Old Books... we got Babylon right here, wit' its rulers on Brother Barno's team. Their Tower of Babel collapsed a year ago and no man under the sun has seen aught but madness ever since. I and I be free; but those crazy baldheads talk of freedom wit' grand words while denying it to de people allwhere, one blood, all skin colors, One Love.

WASHINGTON, DC: (Bush) "Alright, let's get this team conference started. The first order of business is to select the on-track captain, since I won't be out there to share the blessings of my leadershipism. Who wants to chair the search committee? You've got it, Dick. What do you think?"

(Cheney) "I've already got a short list ready. Let me vet the prospects." (goes behind a tree for a few moments) "Okay, I've evaluated the candidates and selected the one who would make the best captain."

(Bush) "Okay, my poppy trusted your judgment so I'm sure your pick is best. Who is he?"

(Cheney) "Richard Cheney."

(Bush) "You? If you say so. Let's move along. Next is team policy for this race. A lot of my best contributors, er, supporters liked my faith-based social services proposal, so let's see if we can expand the idea to other areas. Who has some ideas?

(Rumsfeld) "I'll have our defense-industry friends build us a faith-based anti-missile shield."

(Bush) "Good, that'll protect us from the terrorists. What else? John?"

(Ashcroft) "I'll take charge of faith-based civil rights protection. First we'll round up all the Mohammedans...."

(Powell) "That's 'Muslims' or at least 'Moslems'. And we can't do that, it's illegal."

(Ashcroft) "Hush, boy, don't tell ME what's illegal. Laws don't count during wartime; why do you think we declared an open-ended war everywhere?"

(Powell) "Only Congress can declare war, but that's not stopping you. Anyway, I don't think that's what the boss meant. The closest we can get away with is keeping all the detainees in secret so the public will base their protection on faith instead of public oversight."

(Bush) "Too much talk-talk about picky details. Move on. You other guys got ideas?"

(Cheney) "I'm in charge of faith-based environmental protection."

(Rove) "I'll take faith-based election reform."

(Ridge) "Put me on faith-based disaster preparedness."

(Pitt) "Sign me up for faith-based securities oversight."

(Bush) "All right, we've got a team! Go win this bike race for America!"

HOMEGROWN EVIL to THE FRONT MEN: So... for whom are you the front men? Does that mean you'll wind up taking the fall for Mr. Big? Are you being set up to play the stooge, be a patsy? Maybe you should go on the lam instead. It might be healthier for you not to ride this race.

MIKE to RICK: Does "the Team About Nothing" include your scoring?

Edith to Ab: Dead last???!!! You throw your chain, gal?

Square

Riders

Card

8

   

7

cutler

3

6

singh, langford

4

5

barone

6

4

persia, cheney, ashcroft, rove, rumsfeld, babette, elaine, bobbette, bertha

3

3

babylon, camilla, jerry, bo dacious

12

2

greece, dagmar, kramer, barbarella

16

1

rome, abigail, george

20

 

 

Black Bottomed Girls (Brendan Whyte)

A

4

Black Pudding Bertha

11

5

10

3

B

4

Big bad Bobbette

11

10

3

 

C

3

Bo Dacious Derek

9

8

12

 

D

2

Barbarella Eden

10

4

16

 

Homegrown Evil (Mike Barno)

A

4

Dick Cheney

15

11

3

 

B

4

John Ashcroft

14

7

3

 

C

4

Karl Rove

10

6

3

 

D

4

Donald Rumsfeld

7

5

3

 

Thin Bottomed Girls (Tom Howell) Manager: Edith

A

1

Abigail

15

9

5

20

B

4

Babette

13

8

3

C

3

Camilla

10

7

12

D

2

Dagmar

8

6

16

The Four Kingdoms of Daniel Chapter Seven (Eric Brosius)

A

3

Babylon

15

6

6

12

B

4

Persia

15

6

3

C

2

Greece

12

6

16

D

1

Rome

9

6

20

The Front Men (Jim Burgess) Manager: Ian Curtis

A

6

Jon Langford

14

8

2

4

B

5

Richard Barone

11

9

6

 

C

7

Mark Cutler

9

4

3

D

6

Tjinder Singh

7

3

6

 

The Team About Nothing (Rick Desper) Manager: Frank Costanza

A

3

Jerry Seinfeld

15

11

1

12

B

4

Elaine Benes

14

7

3

C

2

Cosmo Kramer

13

5

16

D

1

George Costanza

11

4

20

Snowball fighting: The current game is winding down. Anyone interested in another go?

Readerís Choice: Iím open to anything, just send me the rules and if I think I can run it, Iíll offer it.

Top   A Cold Day In ... Map

A Cold Day in Ö (Snowball fighting) Turn 8

Itís getting crowded in the kitchen and Mom has to put another batch of cookies in the oven.

Shrek -> Ice Queen: Who B U?

Shrek -> Zamboni: Go away!

Shrek -> DB: I hope you moved yer butt and didn't simply sit there and let Boob drop a dirigible on yer head!

GM Ė> Shrek: Speak up, heís got snow in his ears and canít hear you very well!

Shrek -> GM: Um, how many points do you need to win this game?

GM Ė> Shrek: 15, itís getting close!

Snowshoe Hare to GameMaster: What's a rabbit supposed to do? You act all fuzzy and cuddly, like you couldn't hurt nobody, and they STILL treat you the same as the Abominable Stench and the 'Orrible Ogre. Well, no more Mr. Nice Bunny. THIS RABBIT'S A KILLER, I'M TELLIN' YOU!

GM -> Bunny: And a good thing too as it looks like you are about to go one on one with an Ogre. BTW fans, the WWF will be carrying this live on pay-for-view. Look for WWW Snowdown in the listings.

Hare to Boob: Striking distance? The only thing you're in range of is a hot toddy in the house!

Hare to Dalton Brothers: I don't care (bear) what you call me, just don't call me late for a carrot.

Hare to Shrek: Come out from the shadow of that shed and shred the shrieking Boob.

Snowman with Barley for Balls to Sno Hair Shoe: You keep saying "Wham!" They were a one-hit wonder. Kind of is a nice analogy as you are a one-hit wonder too!

Ballsy to Bros: Even with two of you, you still haven't got enough balls to win have you? But don't get teste. I'll be coming in your direction soon.

GM Ė Ballsy: Yeah, with one hit point left you will be in the kitchen with him soon!

Ballsy-Hairless: Be vewy vewy qwiet. I'm gonna hunt wabbit...

GM Ė Ballsy: Uhm, your aim is a little off. The rabbit is the little white thing over there, not the big green one youíre aiming at.

ballsy-Ogrey thing: Running away to mummy huh? Allow me to nail you first!

Daltons to Boob: Daltons like boobs. Daltons come to you. Daltons don't think you Moses. Cause you ain't 7 feet tall and usta play basketball - plus, we could see ya easier then. Daltons don't think you the mountain. You way too small for a mountain. Way too

small for a hill. About big enough to be a boob. And if you ain't no mountain and ain't moses, then what's all this talk about who is coming to whom? Eh? So, watcha out, here comes some more of me coming onto you.

GM Ė Daltons: I hope you two carry on this fascinating conversation in the kitchen.

Tie Ku Fung Ku Hi Coo to linguist (when you go to the kitchen, don't put your tongue on the door knob, heh heh. It'll stick. Heh heh):
      The snow man cometh
      With a soft wind and strong balls
      To send thee shedward.

Boob to SB, SH, and Shrek: Nah, nah, nah, you can't hit me, I'm in the kitchen!!!

GM Ė Boob: I notice you left DB off that list. Good thing as heís standing right behind you with a tray of ice cubes!

GM Ė Boob (2): Donít count on that protecting you from SB for long!

Boob to Rick Shrek and Richard Dalton Brothers: I know who YOU are, and one of the others MUST be Harry.... but two

Richard's is one too few for me, where's Richard the III????

Boob to GM: That should be the only THIRD in this game!

Boob to GM: Ah, that which is balled, really is ballless??? I got it now, that just leaves the Hare. Which hair is the real hare?

Boob to Shrek: I'm still in the lead. Leading the pack by hiding standing still. Still leading. What a concept! Maybe you ought to try some strategy.

 

Player

Shrek the Ogre

Snowman with Balls

Aboobable Snowman

Dalton Brothers

Snowshoe Hare

Symbol

SO

SB

AS

DB

SH

Start Pos

J12

T10

R12

Q13

S5

Seg 1

RR @ AS (95, 29)

+2sb

+di

+2sb

+2sb

Seg 2

+2 sb

RR @ SO (95, 2 )

DI @ DB (60, 39)

RR @ AS (95, 10)

+di

Seg 3

RR @ SB (85, 31 )

RR @ SO (85, 84 )

à Kitchen

à Kitchen

RR@ SB (80, 11)

End pos

J12

T10

Kitchen

Kitchen

S5

SB/DI

1/0

1/0

0/0

0/0

1/1

HP

5

1

0

0

10

VP

11

12

13

4

10

 

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Top   A Cold Day In ...

And, since I abhor blank space, Iíll play proud parent and put one of my sonís (age 8) drawings in. This is a North American Spotted Skunk. I leave it to the reader to decide which Diplomacy player of their acquaintance it most reminds them of.