Welcome to Tinamou #34, produced by Dave Partridge, 15 Woodland Drive, Brookline NH, 03033 (email: [email protected] ). Tinamou now appears on the web in conjunction with TAP. The web page has everything you’ll find here including maps. Go to Jim’s index page http://devel.diplom.org/DipPouch/Postal/Zines/TAP or to my site at http://david-partridge.tripod.com/tinamou and check it out, your comments and suggestions are welcome!

This issue is going out by email to all the players. Real life has a nasty habit of getting in the way sometimes and there was just no way I was going to make the deadline. Hopefully that will all straighten out before next time.

Tinamou appears in every other TAP. The game deadlines are always the Monday before the appropriate TAP deadline, which is always a Saturday. See TAP for the dates.

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Regular diplomacy: Copernicus

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Russia continues his battle to become the sole proprietor of Europe, moving into Denmark. Italy lands in Syria. It’s still too close to call as a classic battle shapes up with each side demonstrating on opposite flanks.

As is clear from the orders, there was a mistake in the map last turn, which had an Italian army in York instead of a Russian one. Unfortunately, I didn’t notice that until I got the orders this time and tried to figure out why everyone was ordering York around. If there is a conflict, the text has precedence over the map. The best thing to do of course is to let the GM know that he was adjudicating in his sleep again and ask for a clarification. Given the Russian attack, there was no way that Germany could have held the North Sea, so it appears we were lucky this time and the mistake has not caused any major changes in the state of the game. My apologies to all.

German f nth - nwg, hel, hol, bel, eng, lon, yor, otb

German f den - kie, hel, otb

Italy to Russia - Stop pestering my friend the Kaiser with your empty promises. If he ever drops me a line you'll see the devastating I/G response to Russia's naked agression.

Italy to Germany - We need to plan a little better. . .

Russia to Germany/Italy: I'm not voting for any draws that aren't proposed. Deal with it.

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Breaking Away: Tour de Farce. Turn 11

If only Famine had played his 6, we would have had a feast of plenty, but Nooooo, that’s just not his thing! Conquest is still out in front, but it’s hard work breaking that wind all by himself. The rest of the pack lags back, figuring he’ll run out of gas sooner or later.

Clinton to Pekuah: Darlin', I don't really do foreign affairs, but in your case I'll consider it.

Bush to Carter: Where did Jerry go this time?

Carter to Bush: I saw the chase vehicle go over that embankment, toward the Snowball fight.

Reagan to GTCo: I'll go get him!

Bush to Reagan: No! Ronnie, don't!

Carter to Bush: Now he's done it. He rode right out of the page.

GM - Goz: Quick, turn the page!

Boob to Napoleonic World: Marshal Ney, Marshal Ney, how does THIS square look???

Boob to Brick: I suppose you expect Michael Jordan to be Michael too.

Boob to Brick: Clang yourself.

Boob to Conquest: Hey, we playin' the rule that you only get the Breaking Away bonus on the first turn Breaking Away, right?? In that case, no need to mark you anymore. You is dead meat.

Boob to GM: That's right, isn't it???

GM to Boob: I’m not commenting on the state of his meat.

Boob to Triumph: You better keep Moron from being dropped from the pack!!

GM - Boob: Moron is hanging in there.

Pekuah to GM: If you are considering further comments on my sexual prowess, I suggest you reconsider.... I can handle everyone in this game.... at once.

GM to Pekuah: Maybe you could handle that, but I don’t think the rest of the world could survive the spectacle!

TAP to GM: Did we lose Moron, Carter, Clinton, and Elvis this time??? Will there be anyone left to challenge me??? Oh yeah, and Famine could be in deep doo-doo too.

GM to TAP: They’re not gone yet.

Boob to GAME: 121 is still a LONG way off.....

Moron seems to be living up to his name. That's right, he's riding without his shirt.

Late-Night team - other riders: I sure hope you guys let us draft this turn.

Horsemen - Field: What's the matter? Are we all tiring at the end of the race?

The second column (to the left of the rider’s name) contains the card played this round. New cards received are in bold.

(16) The Four Horsemen (Eric Brosius: 53 Bird Street, Needham MA 02492 [email protected])

(16) The Goz Transportation Co. (Warren Goesle: 3907 Cedar Ridge, #1B, Indianapolis, IN 46235 [email protected])

Team Manager: Gerald Ford

Dead Rock Stars (Phil Reynolds, 2896 Oak St., Sarasota, FL 34237-7344 [email protected])

(19) Late Night Characters (Rick Desper [email protected])

Coached by Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog

(26) The Abyssinian Prince, (Jim Burgess: 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327 [email protected])

(1) The Warm Fuzzies ( Sara Reichert, 20805 Margaret St., Carson, CA 90745-1224)

Team Leader: Sweet Sara

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Woolworth II-D: Who’s Your Buddy?

ger: a ber - sil

germany built one due to annihilation.

Babble from the board:

Germany - Western Europe: OK, we've got them on the run now!

Germany - Russia: See, I'm sending a scout into Austria to determine the whereabouts of any remaining Austrians.

Norse to Krauts---Mein Bruder! I supporting you to Copenhagen next turn unless you already dere. If so, you can support me to Sweden. Den we kick nasty Rooskies all way back to urals. Nicht wahr?

Krauts - Norse: Ja, friends. I'm even trying to get out of (some of) your home dots.

Norse to Rooskies---Tanks for keeping dem Spangloes busy up nord. Keeps dem from shooting holes in my ships!

Spain to Russia--four against one and I believe the odds are still in your favor.

Spain f gol - mad, OTB

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A few more players have joined the lists, but we are still woefully short of a new game. Only 7 game starts last year that Conrad registered. Come on now, prove that this hobby isn’t dying!!

Perestroika Diplomacy: Add an economic twist to the classic game. Centers generate revenue, armies and fleets must be maintained, and treasuries can be sacked! Rules are available on request.

Signed up: Art Schleinkofer, Phil Reynolds, Jack McHugh

Standard Diplomacy: Nothing new, nothing novel. The only twist to this game is that I strongly encourage players without email to join up. The long deadlines make it easier to get those negotiations in. That is not to say that I do not want people with email joining, but please do not do so unless you are prepared to negotiate fully with those people who don’t have email and rely on the Postal Service.

Signed up: Phil Reynolds

Black Hole Diplomacy: Watch the spaces disappear and the trips to the other side of the board get shorter and shorter. No stalemate lines in this variant. Great for those who like a free for all.

Signed up: Jack McHugh

Just the results please: Don’t really know what to call this one as I just came up with it. Perhaps it’s been tried before. The twist for this variant is that each season only the ending unit positions are published, not the orders. You’ll know who went where, but not who helped whom, or want may have been tried unsuccessfully.

Signed up: Phil Reynolds

Reader’s Choice: I’m open to anything, just send me the rules and if I think I can run it, I’ll offer it.

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Seems everyone has a driving thirst, and as the stills don’t seem to be running to capacity yet, investments in water factories are the in thing:

SWIFTSURE buys a water factory and transfers population to man it. (Wa7, Wa6, Or5, Or2)

A**HOLE buys a water factory and a pop to man it. (Or4,Or2,Or3,Or5,Wa8)(Wa10)

RDC buys a water factory and transfers population to man it. (Or3,Or3,Wa6,Wa8)

MMC buys a water factory and transfers population to man it. (Or4,Or4,Wa6,Wa7)

HDBC VI buys a water factory and a pop to man it. (Or4,Or3,Wa6,Wa8)(Or5,Or5)

A**HOLE is The Ab Prince Anarcho-Syndicstic-SemiSerious Combine for Human Organizations and Labor Equality
SWIFTSURE is Stellar Waif Intergalatic Futures Trading, Space Urchin Recovery Element
HDBC VI is Heavenly Bodies Development Company VI
MMC is Mud Mining Company
RDC is Resource Development Corp.

snowman with balls to boob: come on, my balls & me gonna have some fun! Just don't move the comma four words further down that last sentence!

Snowman to Aboobable. Abu-babble snowman? eka deka tuna pahana geetanjali punjabi poppadom!

Bald Observer to Snowshoe Hare: I'm wid ya, buddy. Snow hare, on my head.

Snow Hare to Baldy: I'm not a genie out of a bottle. I will not follow your commands and sit on your head. Why don't you sit on "this" and rotate.

Bald Observer to Snowshoe Hare: No, I said snow hare on my head. I didn't ask you to sit n my head. That'd be foul.

Snowhare to Baldy: I'm a member of the mammal family, like you, although I'm more distantly removed from jackasses than you are.

Bald Observer to Snowshoe Hare: I'm not McHugh! Get a grip. Snoe hair on my head - I'm bald!

Hare to Hareless Baldy: Bald on my head to you too!

Dalton Dilbert Brother to Snowshoe Hare: I'm shivering, not trembling and in snow not in fright. I'm ready to fight. Come on a little

bit closer. I want to brush up against you.

DB to Official GM: You sir, may not call me "a dolt." That was my older twin, came out first, Dad dropped him when I came out. Used to "B Dolt" but now I just be "Dolt." Not "A Dolt" But, may your 2 month old grow old enough to laugh when he call you "a dult!"

Snow tunnel Weasel GM to Shrek: Quit splitting hares and personalities. the Dalton Brothers look like one guy because they are

brothers. Asking whether or not they are Amish reminds me of one of the very oldest snowball fighting sayings "Amish is amish is amish." Also, "Amish by one pip is as good as Amish by a mile." Consider this an official write of passage.

Aboobable Snowman to Snowman with balls: I repeat, do you know the difference between a snowman and a snow woman? One big

clue, it's not the size of the hare. A second big clue: it's not whether or not it has a dirigible.

don Miguel Ruiz to Cold Dayers: To be a Snow Warrior one must master the 4 Agreements.

• The first Agreement is to be impeccable with the snow ball. Impeccable is from the Lation, pecka or pee from a penis, and "im" which translates as "without." Through the millennia this has come to be interpeted as either "Don't pee on yourself in battle" or "Don't hit yourself with a shed slide or tree dump."
• The 2nd Agreement is Make No Assumptions. All other players are a dream. The szine is a form of domestication of the planet. What you hold, how far you can throw it, where other dreams are is only a dream. Follow the Enlightened One, Don Boob, and throw whatever you want and call yourself victorious.
• The 3rd Agreement is to Take Nothing Personally. In your dream a dirigible to your head creates more love, not a loss of Hit Points. Another dreaming throwing at you is their problem, their attempt to control you, to have you play their game, to poison yourself with their ice parasite.
• The 4th Agreement is to Be One's Best. Sure, some people's best is worse than other people's worst - again let us use Don Boobo as a prime example, however one's best varies and grows as one becomes a Snow Warrior.

More next time on how to kill the parasite and create Miami Beach here in Nordic hell.

43rd Airborne Observer to Artistic GM: If Gerald Ford is in the game, surely Aboobable is George W. Bush, or one of his relatives.

You can tell by his picture image - looks just like the famous G. Trudeau portraits of Dubya.

43rd Airborne Observer to Snowshoe Hare: If Dubya is in this game, watch out, he jogs 4.5 miles in 7 minute 20 second mile splits and that is faster than you run. It's also faster than either Dolt or Dalt can wing their balls.

Aboobable to Snowman with balls: Here's an easy one for you, "Have you ever smelled moth balls?"

Dalton Brother to Board: Sure is some drivel going on in this press.

Dalton Brothers to Snowshoe Hare: I hope you had the guts to go to the snowman and throw its head at me. If you didn't, then I think I'm melting.

SNOWMEN with BOOBS to SNOWSHOE HARE: Take THAT!! Don't bug me again or you'll REALLY have something to deal with. Hare everywhere will translate to Hare nowhere, except the kitchen.

BOOB to HARE: Damned right I'm "here".

LOST SOUL to GM: You mean this game is SUPPOSED to be anonymous???

BOOB to DOLT: If you could learn to spell a little better you might have a chance to have half a brain.

ME SHREK! ME HATE BUNNIES! OTHER SHREK FAKE! NASTY FAKY SHREK! SHREK FIND FAKE SHREK AND EAT!

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